Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Lonely Mornings ❯ Operation Start ( Chapter 1 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Anne Packrat 
The operation to get Havoc a girlfriend is hatched. But just why is Havoc banned from visiting the "working gals" of Central?
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 04.22.2006 | Updated On: 04.22.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 640 | Status: Work In Progress
The operation to get Havoc a girlfriend is hatched. But just why is Havoc banned from visiting the "working gals" of Central?
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 04.22.2006 | Updated On: 04.22.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 640 | Status: Work In Progress
"Lonely Mornings" - Chapter 1 - Operation Starto!
A Full Metal Alchemist Fanfiction
by Anne Packrat
Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist along with it's attendant characters and setting was created by Hiromu Arakawa, and is distributed by Square-Enix, Funimation and Viz. The phrase "Ladies of Negotiable Affection" is cheerfully stolen from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series.
Spoilers for episode 37, but none of a really serious nature.
This story also contains sexual language, situations and profanity.
------------------
Breda barged into Mustang's office, Fuery close on his heels. They had swept past Hawkeye's desk, earning no more than a brief glance from her before she returned to her paperwork. Upon reaching the colonel's desk, Breda slapped his hands down on the well-worn mahogany.
"Colonel, Havoc needs to get laid."
Mustang looked up at his junior officers, with a mixture of mild amusement and curiosity at their intrusion. "Tell me something I don't know. He's needed some female companionship for months now."
"Sir," Fuery said, peering from behind Breda's large frame, "He really REALLY needs to get laid. Today if possible."
Mustang's eyes widened a bit. For quiet, calm Fuery to be involved there had to be something seriously wrong with Havoc. "So why are you two telling me this now?"
"Because we can't take it anymore! He got turned down again last night and now all he's doing is smoking and whimpering to himself. He keeps sobbing about how alone he is!" Breda said pointing at the outer office where faint sounds of weeping could indeed be heard.
Mustang frowned and looked over at the diligent blonde lieutenant. "How alone he is...." he muttered under his breath.
"Uh, colonel?" Breda said, waving his hand in front of the Flame Alchemist's face, "Are you okay?"
Mustang looked up in surprise. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Look, if Havoc needs to get laid so badly, why don't we all just pony up the money and get him a hooker?"
"That won't work, sir," Hawkeye replied idly, not looking up at him, "Havoc's been blacklisted by all the hookers in Central after he drunkly tried to grope three of them last month and then refused to pay."
"Dammit," Mustang said, rubbing his hand through his hair before stopping and glancing over at Hawkeye, "Wait... Did you say he was blacklisted? By hookers?"
Hawkeye signed a report then grabbed another, "Well, technically it was by their union, sir."
The men stared at her in disbelief. "The Central Prostitutes have a union?" Breda asked.
Hearing the tone in his voice, Hawkeye finally looked up from her paperwork. "Of course they do. The 'Ladies of Negotiable Affection League.' I suppose having a union makes it easier to set prices and to enforce bans on customers. Customers like Havoc."
This came as a shock to the men, particularly to Mustang. He never thought of prostitution as a business before, but it did kind of make sense. He received another shock as he began to wonder just where his first lieutenant came across this knowledge. Roy opened his mouth to say something but was silenced by a glare from Riza.
"I can see the little gears in your heads turning," Hawkeye said, "and I want them to stop right now." From Roy, her glare moved to encompass Breda then Fuery before landing back again on the colonel.
"I only know this because of the scandal that broke a few months ago involving the 'Ladies League' and certain politicians and high-up military," she explained.
"Actually, colonel, I'm surprised you don't know more. I gave you a report the military issued about it. I'd have thought it would be the one report you'd have read, given just how..." a touch of pink touched her cheeks as she searched for the right word, "Uh, *descriptive* some of the narrative was."
"I had a report like that, on my desk?" Hawkeye nodded. "Dammit," Mustang said sinking a bit in his chair, "I'd better start reading these things more closely. Never know what good stuff I'm going to miss."
"Sir," Riza said, slightly aggravated, "You should have been reading *every* report closely, no matter what it contains!"
Roy waved her suggestion off. "Yeah, yeah. Anyway... Just give us the gist of what happened."
Her blush deepening, Riza began. "Well, uh, you know how politicians and similar people often get kickbacks in exchange for favorable treatment?"
Roy and the others nodded.
"Well, uh," she coughed lightly then continued, "I suppose you could say that they were instead receiving 'kneeldowns.'"
"What-? Oh..." Mustang said as understanding dawned. Breda sniggered and Fuery turned a color matching that of the lieutenant.
"Oh dear," the colonel chuckled, "I can see where that would have been a problem. I wonder why they never came to offer me anything."
"Perhaps they were repelled by your incredible studliness, sir," Hawkeye said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Roy chose to ignore her tone. "I suppose you're right, lieutenant," he replied with a mock sigh, "Being so handsome sometimes has its disadvantages."
Riza rolled her eyes and went back to her paperwork.
"Sir?" Fuery piped up, "What about our problem with Havoc?"
Mustang sighed for real this time, "With paying for 'it' out, I guess we should just try to get him a girlfriend again."
"That didn't work last time, boss," Breda said skeptically.
Fuery turned toward the larger man, "That's because Mustang asked us to find a girl for Havoc. I thought this time Lieutenant Hawkeye could maybe...."
He stopped and shivered in fear as she fixed him with a paralyzing glare. "There is no bloody way in hell I'm dating Havoc," she told him. The sheer icy tone in her voice seemed to lower the room temperature by several degrees.
Fuery trembled weakly, but after a minute managed to gain enough courage to speak again. "I didn't mean that!" he said quickly, "I just thought that you know, you being a woman, that you would know a lot more potential girlfriends than we would."
"Oh." At his comment her expression softened a little. Just a little. "Have the colonel do it." She gestured toward him. "I hate to say it, but he seems to know more women than any of us combined."
The aforementioned colonel had been watching this exchange with amusement, ready to duck in case bullets were fired. At Hawkeye's suggestion he became thoughtful. After a minute he slapped his palm on his desk and proclaimed, "I'll do it!" His gaze traveled to the woman beside him, "But you, Lieutenant Hawkeye, are going to help me."
"What?" she exclaimed. Her glare turned on him, and her eyes narrowed, "Why do I have to help you?"
Having endured years of her evil stares, Mustang had a high tolerance to them. "Because," he replied cheerily, "It's your kind of mission. Since Havoc has the day off tomorrow we'll follow him around, see how he interacts with people and get a good idea of what kind of girl he needs."
Hawkeye remained unconvinced.
"Oh com'n," he cajoled, "It'll be just like tailing an enemy, trying to gain intelligence."
Hawkeye still was unconvinced.
"I can make it an order, lieutenant."
She sighed in defeat. "FINE! I'll help you tomorrow. But I know this is really just a ploy to get out of doing paperwork."
Mustang's benign smile betrayed nothing. "I have no idea what you mean. It is a commanding officer's duty to make sure that the physical and mental health of his subordinates is in tip top shape."
Riza rolled her eyes again. She tended to do that a lot around the colonel. "What time and where should I meet you tomorrow, sir?"
Mustang stood up and brushed some dust off his pants. "Meet me at 7AM at the coffee shop a few blocks from Havoc's place. The one off Kendall Street. Oh! And be sure to wear casual clothes." His face broke out into a grin, "Hey, why don't you wear a miniskirt!" He got another icy stare. "Or not..."
"You know," Fuery said, "I'm kind of excited. It may actually work this time!"
"Course it'll work!" Breda said nudging the smaller man in the ribs, "It's the colonel, ain't it?"
Mustang jumped on his desk and pointed to the sky, taking up a dramatic pose. "All right!" he exclaimed, "Operation Get-Havoc-Some-Tail is a go!"
Silence followed this. "Sir?" Hawkeye finally said.
Mustang looked down at her, not breaking his stance. "Yes, lieutenant?"
"Let me choose the names from now on, okay?"
-------------------
Thanks to the creators and crew of the Full Metal Alchemist anime and manga.
Thanks to my husband Ryan, even if he doesn't get this whole Full Metal thing.
Thanks to you the reader.
Next chapter: Well, let's just say Roy is a sneaky little devil, and it seems that helping Havoc isn't really the main goal of this little operation. But then, what is? And why is he talking about "measuring contests" with Riza?
-Anne Packrat (April 12, 2006)
A Full Metal Alchemist Fanfiction
by Anne Packrat
Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist along with it's attendant characters and setting was created by Hiromu Arakawa, and is distributed by Square-Enix, Funimation and Viz. The phrase "Ladies of Negotiable Affection" is cheerfully stolen from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series.
Spoilers for episode 37, but none of a really serious nature.
This story also contains sexual language, situations and profanity.
------------------
Breda barged into Mustang's office, Fuery close on his heels. They had swept past Hawkeye's desk, earning no more than a brief glance from her before she returned to her paperwork. Upon reaching the colonel's desk, Breda slapped his hands down on the well-worn mahogany.
"Colonel, Havoc needs to get laid."
Mustang looked up at his junior officers, with a mixture of mild amusement and curiosity at their intrusion. "Tell me something I don't know. He's needed some female companionship for months now."
"Sir," Fuery said, peering from behind Breda's large frame, "He really REALLY needs to get laid. Today if possible."
Mustang's eyes widened a bit. For quiet, calm Fuery to be involved there had to be something seriously wrong with Havoc. "So why are you two telling me this now?"
"Because we can't take it anymore! He got turned down again last night and now all he's doing is smoking and whimpering to himself. He keeps sobbing about how alone he is!" Breda said pointing at the outer office where faint sounds of weeping could indeed be heard.
Mustang frowned and looked over at the diligent blonde lieutenant. "How alone he is...." he muttered under his breath.
"Uh, colonel?" Breda said, waving his hand in front of the Flame Alchemist's face, "Are you okay?"
Mustang looked up in surprise. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Look, if Havoc needs to get laid so badly, why don't we all just pony up the money and get him a hooker?"
"That won't work, sir," Hawkeye replied idly, not looking up at him, "Havoc's been blacklisted by all the hookers in Central after he drunkly tried to grope three of them last month and then refused to pay."
"Dammit," Mustang said, rubbing his hand through his hair before stopping and glancing over at Hawkeye, "Wait... Did you say he was blacklisted? By hookers?"
Hawkeye signed a report then grabbed another, "Well, technically it was by their union, sir."
The men stared at her in disbelief. "The Central Prostitutes have a union?" Breda asked.
Hearing the tone in his voice, Hawkeye finally looked up from her paperwork. "Of course they do. The 'Ladies of Negotiable Affection League.' I suppose having a union makes it easier to set prices and to enforce bans on customers. Customers like Havoc."
This came as a shock to the men, particularly to Mustang. He never thought of prostitution as a business before, but it did kind of make sense. He received another shock as he began to wonder just where his first lieutenant came across this knowledge. Roy opened his mouth to say something but was silenced by a glare from Riza.
"I can see the little gears in your heads turning," Hawkeye said, "and I want them to stop right now." From Roy, her glare moved to encompass Breda then Fuery before landing back again on the colonel.
"I only know this because of the scandal that broke a few months ago involving the 'Ladies League' and certain politicians and high-up military," she explained.
"Actually, colonel, I'm surprised you don't know more. I gave you a report the military issued about it. I'd have thought it would be the one report you'd have read, given just how..." a touch of pink touched her cheeks as she searched for the right word, "Uh, *descriptive* some of the narrative was."
"I had a report like that, on my desk?" Hawkeye nodded. "Dammit," Mustang said sinking a bit in his chair, "I'd better start reading these things more closely. Never know what good stuff I'm going to miss."
"Sir," Riza said, slightly aggravated, "You should have been reading *every* report closely, no matter what it contains!"
Roy waved her suggestion off. "Yeah, yeah. Anyway... Just give us the gist of what happened."
Her blush deepening, Riza began. "Well, uh, you know how politicians and similar people often get kickbacks in exchange for favorable treatment?"
Roy and the others nodded.
"Well, uh," she coughed lightly then continued, "I suppose you could say that they were instead receiving 'kneeldowns.'"
"What-? Oh..." Mustang said as understanding dawned. Breda sniggered and Fuery turned a color matching that of the lieutenant.
"Oh dear," the colonel chuckled, "I can see where that would have been a problem. I wonder why they never came to offer me anything."
"Perhaps they were repelled by your incredible studliness, sir," Hawkeye said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Roy chose to ignore her tone. "I suppose you're right, lieutenant," he replied with a mock sigh, "Being so handsome sometimes has its disadvantages."
Riza rolled her eyes and went back to her paperwork.
"Sir?" Fuery piped up, "What about our problem with Havoc?"
Mustang sighed for real this time, "With paying for 'it' out, I guess we should just try to get him a girlfriend again."
"That didn't work last time, boss," Breda said skeptically.
Fuery turned toward the larger man, "That's because Mustang asked us to find a girl for Havoc. I thought this time Lieutenant Hawkeye could maybe...."
He stopped and shivered in fear as she fixed him with a paralyzing glare. "There is no bloody way in hell I'm dating Havoc," she told him. The sheer icy tone in her voice seemed to lower the room temperature by several degrees.
Fuery trembled weakly, but after a minute managed to gain enough courage to speak again. "I didn't mean that!" he said quickly, "I just thought that you know, you being a woman, that you would know a lot more potential girlfriends than we would."
"Oh." At his comment her expression softened a little. Just a little. "Have the colonel do it." She gestured toward him. "I hate to say it, but he seems to know more women than any of us combined."
The aforementioned colonel had been watching this exchange with amusement, ready to duck in case bullets were fired. At Hawkeye's suggestion he became thoughtful. After a minute he slapped his palm on his desk and proclaimed, "I'll do it!" His gaze traveled to the woman beside him, "But you, Lieutenant Hawkeye, are going to help me."
"What?" she exclaimed. Her glare turned on him, and her eyes narrowed, "Why do I have to help you?"
Having endured years of her evil stares, Mustang had a high tolerance to them. "Because," he replied cheerily, "It's your kind of mission. Since Havoc has the day off tomorrow we'll follow him around, see how he interacts with people and get a good idea of what kind of girl he needs."
Hawkeye remained unconvinced.
"Oh com'n," he cajoled, "It'll be just like tailing an enemy, trying to gain intelligence."
Hawkeye still was unconvinced.
"I can make it an order, lieutenant."
She sighed in defeat. "FINE! I'll help you tomorrow. But I know this is really just a ploy to get out of doing paperwork."
Mustang's benign smile betrayed nothing. "I have no idea what you mean. It is a commanding officer's duty to make sure that the physical and mental health of his subordinates is in tip top shape."
Riza rolled her eyes again. She tended to do that a lot around the colonel. "What time and where should I meet you tomorrow, sir?"
Mustang stood up and brushed some dust off his pants. "Meet me at 7AM at the coffee shop a few blocks from Havoc's place. The one off Kendall Street. Oh! And be sure to wear casual clothes." His face broke out into a grin, "Hey, why don't you wear a miniskirt!" He got another icy stare. "Or not..."
"You know," Fuery said, "I'm kind of excited. It may actually work this time!"
"Course it'll work!" Breda said nudging the smaller man in the ribs, "It's the colonel, ain't it?"
Mustang jumped on his desk and pointed to the sky, taking up a dramatic pose. "All right!" he exclaimed, "Operation Get-Havoc-Some-Tail is a go!"
Silence followed this. "Sir?" Hawkeye finally said.
Mustang looked down at her, not breaking his stance. "Yes, lieutenant?"
"Let me choose the names from now on, okay?"
-------------------
Thanks to the creators and crew of the Full Metal Alchemist anime and manga.
Thanks to my husband Ryan, even if he doesn't get this whole Full Metal thing.
Thanks to you the reader.
Next chapter: Well, let's just say Roy is a sneaky little devil, and it seems that helping Havoc isn't really the main goal of this little operation. But then, what is? And why is he talking about "measuring contests" with Riza?
-Anne Packrat (April 12, 2006)