Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Lost ❯ Enter As You Please ( Chapter 3 )

 

Lost

 

3

 

Enter As You Please

 

Alphonse stood in front of the door to General Mustang's cabin and stared at the doorknob—a dull, steel thing that dimly reflected the moonlight. He frowned. It had been three days since they had talked, and during that time he'd thought a lot about this man, this Roy Mustang.

 

The man seemed to genuinely care about Ed and him. It seemed that perhaps they'd all been close, but Al couldn't remember any of that... Part of him just wanted to avoid the general until they got to Amestris, then run off and never contact him again. And then, part of him wanted to talk to the man, question him... interrogate him... find out everything he could from that time.

 

Al glanced up from the knob and stared at the wooden door. It seemed that the second part of him had won, though why he'd felt the need to come at night... he didn't know. The small window to the cabin was dark and Al thought that perhaps he should just come back tomorrow.

 

Instead, raising his hand, Al knocked softly. Mustang had said he could come anytime and that he could just come in, but it just didn't seem right to do that without knocking first. After waiting for almost a minute, Al knocked again, this time louder, but he still got no response.

 

Pressing his lips together, Al reached down and turned the cool, metal knob before pushing the door open a little and sticking his head in.

 

“Hello?” he called softly, suddenly realizing that at this time of night, the general was most likely sleeping. He cringed slightly at the thought that he could be waking the man. He was about to leave when he heard a weak reply from within the darkness.

 

“Come in, Alphonse.”

 

Al frowned and let himself into the dark cabin, then shut the door behind him. “I didn't wake you, did I?” he asked quietly as his eyes adjusted to the dim room.

 

“No. I can't sleep.” There was a small laugh. “I've never liked the swaying and rocking that boats do, but tonight it seems to be particularly unsettling.”

 

“Oh...” Al murmured, and fidgeted a little. He was suddenly unsure whether he was ready to talk. Probably it would be better if he thought about his more, perhaps worked up a little more courage... “I can come back lat...” he began, but the general cut him off.

 

“No, please don't go,” Mustang said quickly. He paused, then went on more slowly, “I was beginning to wonder if I'd scared you away...”

 

Al was quiet for a moment before saying, “I just needed to think.”

 

To that, Mustang didn't say anything and as the silence stretched on in the darkness, Al again thought that perhaps he should come back another time. Suddenly the boat lurched and Al was forced forward, his footstep clunked loudly against the hard wooden floor as he took a few steps to steady himself.

 

“I'm sorry,” the general said. “It was rude of me not to offer you a place to sit.” He paused, then said, “The cabin is small and the only place to sit is on the bed, but if you're uncomfortable with that...” Mustang trailed off, probably unsure what other sitting place to offer except for the floor.

 

“I don't mind,” Al murmured, then nervously wiped his hands on his pants before holding them out and walking slowly forward in the darkness. Suddenly his shin bumped on something and he groaned before a hand grabbed one of his and guided him down to sit. When he sat, Al felt his back and side press against Mustang's prone body.

 

“I can sit if you'd like. The bed is also small, but I'd rather stay lying down if you don't mind. The rocking is making me a bit nauseous.”

 

“Um, no... it's fine,” Al said, feeling much more nervous than before. Knowing that this man and his brother had done things together and that he, too, had been close in some way to Mustang...

 

“You're very tense,” Mustang murmured, and suddenly he felt a hand gently rubbing his back.

 

Al nodded before he remembered that it was pitch black in the cabin. “Yeah, I guess so...”

 

“Don't be,” the man said softly.

 

The teen chewed gently on his lip. Is this how Mustang had been to his brother? Had he been soft and caring? Al had heard plenty of stories about Ed, as well as knowing his brother from when they were little, to know that Ed wasn't exactly a `soft and tender' person.

 

Neither of them spoke for a time, and Al was glad of it. Even though he'd thought he was ready for this, he wasn't. A small moan escaped his lips as Mustang went from rubbing in a circular motion to lightly massaging one of his shoulders, then the other. He felt the tension ebb out of him a little.

 

“Can you tell me... can you tell me about myself?” Al asked nervously.

 

The soft massaging faltered for a moment before the man said quietly, “I could.”

 

The teen waited and when nothing else come, he asked, “But you won't?”

 

There was a small sigh before the general said, “What would it matter? That is gone. You're not that person...”

 

Al turned around and took a hold of Mustang's hand before reaching out with his other to grab onto the man's shirt. At least that had been his intention. He fumbled around and when his fingers found warm skin instead of cloth that gave him a moment's pause, but only a moment. Quickly, he grabbed a hold of Mustang's shoulder and leaned in close.

 

“It matters to me!” he breathed out. He pressed Mustang's hand against his chest as if that would some how make the man feel that Al hadn't changed. “I am the same. That person isn't gone! I want to find him! Just as much as I want to find my brother! Can't you help me? Please...”

 

Al's grip tightened on Mustang's hand, pressing it harder against his chest as if that would take away the sudden suffocating pressure he felt there. He hung his head, trying not to let his emotions take full control of him and the next moment he felt arms slipping around his shoulders. Al leaned forward a little, then let his body lay on its side on the bed and let the top of his head rest against the man's chest.

 

“I'm sorry,” Mustang said. “I... I've been so selfish. I'll tell you what I can, but... Alphonse, you really aren't the same person. You're similar, but the Alphonse I knew had experienced different things than you. You're not exactly the same. That's something you'll need to learn to live with. Even if you get your memories back, you'll still have the memories from what you've experienced since you lost them. You won't be the same person you are now, but you won't be the same as you were then either.”

 

Al pressed his lips together, as tears that he'd held back for as long as he could remember threatened to escape his eyes. He suddenly didn't want to talk about this right now. It hurt too much. He didn't want to think of the implications of what had happened, he simply wanted to know about himself.

 

Mustang shifted and Al became more aware of the man beside him; more aware that the man was at least half, if not completely, naked. Without thinking, he asked, “If I'd had a body back then... would you have... with me? Like brother?” Al felt heat rise to his cheeks. He couldn't bring himself to ask the question outright, but he had to know.

 

There was a moment of silence, then, “Perhaps. I don't know.”

 

“You don't know?” Al asked softly. He felt hurt, though he couldn't explain why.

 

“No, I don't. Speculation has never been something I indulged in. It's possible that I might have, but what you and I had was just as intimate as what Ed and I had, only it wasn't physical.”

 

Al wanted to reply to that, but he couldn't think of an appropriate answer, so he just said, “Oh...” as his thoughts continued to bounce around.

 

Suddenly, Al felt himself pushed over onto his back and he sensed that Mustang was leaning over him now. “I shared many things about myself with you that I never shared with your brother.” Al felt a large hand caress his cheek. “Ed rarely wanted to actually talk about anything, unless it was about the Philosopher's Stone. No, your brother craved physical closeness and that's really how he shared his feelings. It was in the bedroom, during his fiery passion, that I learned the most about him.”

 

The general paused, then went on. “You didn't have the ability to feel someone next to you, but I don't know that it would have mattered anyway. Emotions always seemed to be what was important to you. You wanted to talk about everything.” Mustang stopped speaking for a moment, then said, “You and I... what we had was just as real as what Ed and I had. You and I... we penetrated each other's souls just as deeply as Ed and I entered each other's bodies.”

 

Mustang trailed off and Al pondered what the man had said before saying, “So we were... emotional lovers?” He wasn't sure if that was the best way to put it, but it sounded good to him. After a moment, he felt the man nod. Al sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, not sure if what he was about to say would be the right thing or not. “We were emotional lovers because I didn't have the ability to feel physically...?”

 

The general cleared his throat. “I don't think that's the only reason. I believe that even if you'd had that ability, we still would have had that emotional bond. That's just... who you were...” The man trailed off, and Al wondered if Mustang thought what he'd just said was as lame as Al did.

 

“I have that ability now...” Al whispered suddenly. His heart beat heavily in his chest and he had to breathe through his mouth to get enough air. The hand that had been caressing his cheek stopped for a small second before it traveled down to his chin and tipped his head up a little. Suddenly he felt hot breath on his face and he wondered just how close the general's face was to his.

 

“But, is that what you really want?” Mustang asked breathily.

 

“I don't know... but...” But what? Part of him did want it, or at least... he wanted to try... But, why? Why did he want to do this? Was he doing this because the man and his brother had...? Over the years he'd done everything to try to get him closer to his brother including dressing like him, but to take his lover... Was that why he was doing this?

 

No.

 

No, it wasn't. He wanted this for himself. This might be his only chance, and someday, when he got his memories back, he might wish that he had done this, or at least tried it. For now, though, it was scary. He really didn't know this man at all, but Mustang knew him...

 

“I don't want to hurt you,” the man said, his breath hot against Al's skin.

 

“I just want to know...” Al choked, and again tears threatened. To know what? What it was like to be with someone else? Perhaps what it was like to be with this man? Maybe. Or it could be that he just wanted to know if he'd be able to find himself within the embrace of a man he'd had such a close relationship...

 

Perhaps it was all just foolishness...

 

Perhaps...

 

After a moment, he felt lips press gently against his. He'd never kissed, or been kissed by, anyone before. The pressure on his lips was soft, but the lips themselves were slightly rough. The weight lifted and small kisses were trailed down to his neck.

 

Al swallowed hard when the man's hand began traveling down his body. It was all so arousing and sensual... So foreign and new. He felt his body react almost instantly and he mentally begged for more.

 

Suddenly, the ship hit a particularly large wave and the general was thrown off of him onto the floor. There was a thud where he hit and after a second he heard a groan, then the sound of metal, probably a bucket, scraping against wood before the noise of Mustang being sick sounded in his ears.

 

Al turned over and waited. Trying to think of what had just happened now that the moment had been broken. The feel of the man's fingers against his skin... Mustang's warm breath and gentle caressing...

 

After a few moments of dry heaving, there was another moan before Mustang said weakly, “Maybe not tonight?”

 

Al chuckled a little at that. “Yeah... maybe not tonight.”

 

He heard Mustang crawl across the floor, then felt him climb back into the bed. The man half sighed, half moaned. Not wanting to be a bother, Al sat up and was about to stand, when he felt a hand take hold of his arm.

 

“Will you stay anyway?” the general asked quietly, voice filled with hope and longing. “Perhaps we can talk a little...? I've... I've missed that more than you know...”

 

Al smiled softly and lay back down. He scooted close and felt strong arms wrap tightly around him. Alphonse pressed his head against Mustang's chest and returned the embrace with one of his own. “Yeah...” Al whispered softly. “Yeah, I'll stay.”

 

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