Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Misspoken ❯ Understanding ( Chapter 9 )

 

 

Misspoken

 

IX

 

Understanding

 

 

Ed stared dully down at the white linoleum of the hospital floor and listened to the sounds and bustle around him. Why couldn't he ever do anything right? Why did this have to happen? Now Mustang was going to hate him forever...

 

He felt like crying, but didn't because... well... boys don't cry. That's just the way it was. He'd look stupid if he cried; stupid, and weak... Still, he couldn't help feeling like he would. It was so frustrating! He'd never even dreamed Mustang would take even the smallest amount of interest in him—even in a platonic sense—and yet it had happened, and now he'd messed it up.

 

Where the ball had connected with Mustang's head had instantly begun to swell and bloom into a rainbow-colored bruise. Ed was pretty sure that wasn't a very good sign... What if there was permanent damage? Even if there wasn't, Mustang was not going to be very pretty for a while... at least, not on one side...

 

“Brother...” Al said.

 

Ed gave a `hmm?' sound, but didn't pay any real attention when Al tried to tell him, yet again, that this wasn't his fault and that the colonel would be fine, so he shouldn't worry too much. It might be comforting if it actually sounded like Al believed what he was saying, but instead Ed just wanted to cover his ears and tell Al to shut up.

 

He wouldn't though since the only thing that would accomplish would be hurting Al's feelings and then Ed would feel even worse... So, instead, Ed tuned him out and buried himself in self pity.

 

Of course, Mustang would never have seen Ed the way he saw him, but now he definitely wouldn't! He probably wouldn't even want to be around him anymore... Ed swallowed hard and again felt like crying. What if the colonel wanted to transfer him to another unit? How could he help Al then? No other commanding officer would give him the freedom Mustang had...

 

Ed clenched his fists. This was what he got for not paying attention to what he should be doing. He shouldn't be trying to have fun. Not when Al was suffering because of him... And with that thought, the threatening tears finally pricked at his eyes and he quickly rubbed at his eyes.

 

“Brother,” Al said, and Ed felt himself being poked in the shoulder.

 

“What?” he asked, looking up.

 

“Lieutenant Hawkeye is here,” Al said, nodding to the counter where some nurses were sitting.

 

Ed gaped at her for a moment, then said, “What's she doing here?!” Now he was really going to get it. There was no way Hawkeye would let him off the hook. He could already hear her lecture...

 

“I called her,” Al said simply. “I mean... we had to tell someone, right?” He was right, of course, but... One of the nurses pointed in their direction and Hawkeye turned, looked at them, then started over with a serious look on her face.

 

Oh no... Ed thought, cringing inside.

 

When she reached them, Hawkeye folder her arms and studied them both for a moment before asking, “What happened?” There was a short moment of silence as Ed and Al looked at each other, then Al motioned for Ed to speak.

 

Ed cringed. “I... um... well, you see...” Ed fumbled, trying to figure out the best way to tell it while avoiding getting into trouble. Not only did he not need a lecture, but what if Hawkeye reported this to General Hakuro... What if Hakuro decided to cut Ed's research budget even more?

 

“Let's try it another way,” Hawkeye said. “Why was Colonel Mustang admitted?”

 

“Eh... A soccer ball hit him in the head...” Ed said.

 

Hawkeye raised an eyebrow. “So, the soccer ball had a grudge against the colonel and just decided to propel itself at him?”

 

Ed turned at glared at Al who was snickering lightly, then turned back to Hawkeye and said, “Maybe. He has that kind of affect...” Ed trailed off.

 

“And you just happened to be there when the rabid ball attacked him?” Hawkeye said wryly. Ed nodded mutely, knowing she wasn't buying a word of this. “Well, I think you deserve a reward,” she said with a `knowing' look.

 

“You do?” Ed choked.

 

Hawkeye nodded, grabbed his arm, and pulled him to his feet. “Alphonse, why don't you stay here and wait. I'm going to take your brother out for a reward...”

 

“Al was there too!” Ed said quickly, not liking the way Hawkeye said `reward'. For all he knew, she was going to take him out back and shoot him. “He deserves a reward too!”

 

Al was instantly waving his hands in front of his body. “No! No! You deserve it more than me, brother!”

 

Ed opened his mouth to insist that Al should definitely be rewarded too, when Hawkeye said firmly, “That's enough. Alphonse, you stay. Edward, with me.” Ed hunched his shoulders and started following her, but turned after a few steps and gave Al a small glare to show that he didn't approve of Al's refusal to come with him. Of course, Al hadn't done anything wrong, and Ed knew that he deserved what was coming to him, but... but... he hadn't meant for it to happen! It was an accident!

 

Al gave him a small encouraging wave, and Ed instantly forgave him. Putting his thumbs up, Ed grinned to reassure his brother, but let the smile drop after he turned back to following after Hawkeye.

 

They left the hospital in silence, and Ed glanced around making sure that there were people near by. Hawkeye wouldn't shoot him if there were others about, would she? He swallowed hard and glanced nervously up at her back.

 

Suddenly, his stomach growled, and he rubbed it as he realized that it was well after lunch time and he hadn't had anything to eat... Plus he'd spent all that energy with the colonel, so he was extra hungry...

 

“Let's get something to eat,” Hawkeye said, starting toward a small diner near the hospital.

 

Ed froze and looked at her with wide eyes. “Food?” She turned around when she realized he wasn't following and nodded silently. “As in... my final meal?” he asked dramatically, then glanced to where she kept her gun holstered on her hip.

 

Her lips pressed together as if she was trying to stop a smile, but one side quirked up anyway. “Maybe,” she said, then turned around and headed into the diner.

 

Maybe?! Ed thought and quickly followed her inside.

 

The instant he entered the diner, Ed's mouth began to water and his stomach growled even more loudly than it had before. He couldn't help eye the food on peoples' plates on their way to being seated.

 

After they'd ordered, Hawkeye said, “Now, Edward... How exactly did a soccer ball come to `attack' the colonel?”

 

He was taking a drink when she asked, and the question made him choke. What could he say in his defense? Nothing. Ed glanced pitifully at her, sighed, then finally said, “Me an' the old man were kicking the ball around and I kicked it at him but he wasn't paying attention so he got hit with it.” Okay, so it wasn't the whole truth, but it was the truth...

 

Hawkeye stared at him silently and as the seconds ticked by, Ed had a feeling she was waiting for more.

 

“What?” he asked, trying to play innocent.

 

“Are you implying that this is all the colonel's fault? That you are completely innocent?”

 

Ed took another drink, then said in a forced light tone, “Of course.”

 

“Ah... I see,” she murmured. The waiter came and left their food, and for a moment there was silence while Ed began to scarf down his lunch. Finally, she said, “Tell me, how fast does a soccer ball have to be going to knock a person out?”

 

Ed, food halfway to his open mouth, stopped and looked at her. “Ehhhh...”

 

She took a bite of her food with a thoughtful look on her face before saying, “I mean, that must have been some kick...”

 

Looking down at his plate, Ed said, “Yeah... it was a pretty hard kick...” It wasn't as if she wouldn't have found out anyway, he supposed. He looked up at her and said quickly, “But... I didn't mean to kick it that hard! It was an accident! Please don't report this,” he begged. I'll never do anything like that again, Ed pleaded silently. I'll just keep my attention to what I should be doing! I promise!

 

Hawkeye stared silently at him for a time, then her eyes narrowed and she said, “The colonel doesn't play soccer...”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Ed said, trying to explain. “But he said I should show him a few things or something. He thinks I need to get out more.” He took a bite of his food and watched her. She seemed to be thinking about what he'd said, and so Ed said, trying to be helpful, “Me and him have been hanging out a little bit recently.”

 

“Hanging out...?” she repeated slowly, then suddenly her eyes widened in a stunned look before she leaned forward a little and stared intensely at him as if she were trying to decide something.

 

“What...?” he asked, feeling uncomfortable.

 

And then, whatever had been on her mind seemed to have passed, and she sat back easily and took a bite of her food. Ed watched her wearily for a moment, then shrugged and began eating again.

 

There was silence between them for a short time before Hawkeye asked, “What have the two of you been doing besides soccer?”

 

“We went to a movie,” Ed said with his mouth full.

 

“Really?” she asked conversationally.

 

Ed swallowed and took a drink before saying, “Yeah, some animation with a cat. I took Al to see it later. He really liked it a lot.”

 

“I see,” she said with a smile that made him feel a little more at ease. “So the two of you had fun, then?”

 

“Yeah,” Ed said, then took another bite.

 

Hawkeye took a sip of her drink. “You weren't bored hanging out with an old man like the colonel?”

 

Ed grinned at what she said. When he was alone with his thoughts and he could imagine that he and Mustang were dating, Ed had thought about age, but he'd decided that older was better. After all, he was much more mature than other males his own age, and the colonel was an alchemist too, so it worked. Ed couldn't imagine himself with someone who wasn't an alchemist, and Mustang was a really good alchemist.

 

“Age doesn't matter,” he said, running a finger along his empty plate and licking it.

 

“Age doesn't matter, or you like older men?” Hawkeye asked, then took a bite of her food.

 

Ed shrugged. “Both, I gue—” He stopped in horror as he realized what he'd said. His eyes were frozen on his plate as blood rushed to his cheeks. Mortification flooded through him and he mentally kicked himself. Why couldn't he ever watch what he said?! “I mean...” he began, trying to think of something to save himself, but trailed off when he couldn't come up with anything.

 

His skin prickled and he could feel moisture bead on his forehead and upper lip. His clothing was starting to feel too tight and his palm began sweat. The fear that he'd be ridiculed throbbed through his veins as his heart pounded in his chest. She'd denounce him as a freak for liking guys, then she'd tell the colonel—who would also hate him... Then, Mustang probably wouldn't want him around so he'd transfer him to another unit and Ed was sure the other officers who worked with Mustang would find out and if Al didn't find out through them, then he'd be asking Ed why he was being transferred. He could tell Al that it was because of this soccer thing, but that would mean lying to his brother, and Ed didn't know if he'd be able to do that...

 

“Ed...”

 

He opened his mouth to speak, then shook his head and lowered his gaze from his plate to his lap. There was no way he could face her.

 

There was silence for almost a full minute, then, “Central isn't Rizembool.” Ed blinked and slowly lifted his head to look at her. She wasn't looking at him with the disgust he'd expected, but instead was giving him a small smile.

 

At that moment, the waiter stopped by to get their plates. “We'd like to order dessert,” Hawkeye said, before he could leave their bill. “What would you like?” she asked kindly. Ed jerkily grabbed the dessert menu and pointed to the largest item offered. He wasn't sure if he could speak...

 

When the waiter left, Hawkeye leaned forward and said in a quiet, conspiratorial voice, “Did you know that I once stole one of the colonel's girlfriends?”

 

“Huh?” he asked, not understanding her for a moment, but when he did, his eyes widened. “You?!” he blurted, suddenly seeing her in a new light.

 

She nodded, seeming pleased that he'd caught onto her meaning. “Now, Edward...” She paused long enough for the waiter to bring their desserts, then continued in a more businesslike tone. “This is Central City. We see this type of thing all the time. My biggest concern with your liking the colonel is that you could get hurt. You know his reputation.”

 

“I know...” Ed said dully, poking his fork into his dessert before taking a bite. “He's not ever going to like me that way, but... it's kinda fun to pretend...”

 

Hawkeye nodded. “The fact that he's been willing to do things with you means that he's testing the water, so to speak.” She paused as if trying to decide something, then said, “He knows you like him.”

 

Ed's eyes widened, and just when he'd thought all the extra blood had drained from his face, it came back with a vengeance. “Are you sure?!” he exclaimed.

 

“Yes. I'm sure. I'm telling you because I don't think it's fair play for you not to know.”

 

“Does he like me?” Ed asked eagerly.

 

Her face told him the answer even before she spoke. “I don't know. I... well...”

 

“You don't think he does...” he said, deflating.

 

She took a bite of her dessert as she studied him, then said, “Truthfully, I don't know. He's never been into men, but like I said, he seems to be testing the waters, and I wouldn't think that he'd do that with you if he didn't feel... something... for you. Perhaps he's flattered that you like him, I really don't know.”

 

Ed set his fork onto his plate and stared down at the table, but not really seeing it. What should he do now? Ed didn't know if he'd be able to face Mustang now that he was aware that Mustang knew...

 

He glanced up at Hawkeye. If she'd stolen one of Mustang's girlfriends, then... “The colonel knows that you like girls?” he asked.

 

She nodded. “Most people do. It's not really a secret, but it's also such a well known fact that no one really talks about it either. That's probably why you never knew.”

 

“And... Mustang doesn't... He doesn't hate you?”

 

Hawkeye winked at him. “Only when I get better looking dates then him.”

 

Ed smiled, both from her words and from relief that at least he wouldn't be hated because of his preference—at least, not by Mustang... At the thought of telling Al, Ed instantly felt nervous again. Maybe things were different in Central, and maybe most people here would accept it, but that wasn't how he and Al had grown up...

 

Hawkeye put some money on the table, stood up, and said, “Come on, let's go back. I'm sure they'll be releasing him soon.”

 

He nodded, still feeling worried, and followed her out the door. “Lieutenant...” he said quietly. “Please don't tell anyone...” Ed looked up at her and felt a little relieved when she nodded.

 

“I won't, but if you really want to date the colonel, you're not going to be able to hide it.”

 

“I know...” Ed said quietly, then sighed. He should just forget about Mustang. It wasn't as if he'd ever have a chance anyway, and he should really be spending his time working on their goal... He had to make things right with Al again, and he wasn't going to do that by dating…