Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Regrets and tears ❯ Regrets and tears ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Full Metal Alchemist, just a fan here folks.

 

Warning: Language, Fluffy Angst (?).

 

Summary: I've just finished watching the movie (I couldn't wait so I downloaded it, I'm still going to by it though) and I'm feeling pretty pissed at how it ended so I'm writing this.

 

Regret and Tears.

 

When I was a little girl I always wondered what my great auntie was doing when she would stand on the porch and look off towards the horizon. But now, as an old lady myself I understood and I wish I could go back in time and hug my auntie Pinako and tell her that she didn't have to worry, that whoever she had been thinking of was safe, happy and content.

As I watch the wind blowing the long grass of my family's home my thoughts wandered as they always did. I was the last Rockbell, and once I passed on there would be no more. I wish it wasn't so but there was nothing I could do, he wasn't here with me.

Where ever Edward Elric was I hope he had lived a long, happy and fulfilling life. I have long since given up on ever seeing him again and had done many, many years ago. But still I wish I could see him just once more and tell him how I feel towards him.

I love him and always have, it is for that reason that I never married or even dated another man for if I didn't love the other man I would be living a lie, and I would not live a lie! And although I know that it was a futile gesture of emotion I clung to it with all my stubbornness.

As I had gotten older and my friends had started teasing me about becoming a lonely old hag I have to admit to having felt frustration towards Ed at that point. How could he have left me like this without a hug, without allowing me to tell him that I love him and only ever will love him?

My frustration was pointless however, he and Al had gone beyond the gate and would never be back and I had been left behind to grow old and tired by myself. How many nights had I cried myself to sleep once that knowledge had finally sunk in? More then I care to count.

It wasn't supposed to be like this though, once Ed had gotten Al's body back he was supposed to come home. We were supposed to have a family together, grow old together and be standing on this porch together our lives full of happiness and softness.

But that would never be and I have long since accepted this fact. But once it had sunk in I had been left with the question, what did I have to live for? Certainly not work and no longer love I had found my life suddenly filled with….. Nothing. It made me want to curse everything and end it all.

But I couldn't, I owed it to both Ed and Al to carry on as the bearer of their memories, the one people came to when they wished to hear about the now fabled `Full Metal alchemist' and his younger brother Al. This had become the central thing to my life, as stupid or pointless as it was.

It was a burden for certain, a chore I gladly accepted out of love, admiration and sorrow filled grief. But now the legend has faded and no one wishes to hear about Ed or Al any more.

On shaky knees I step down the porch and begin the slow walk towards the cemetery. Everything in Risenbull reminds me of them, the fields we would play games in the stone walls we would walk on and the cooling shade of the trees we would lay in on hot summer days.

As I enter the cemetery I stop to regain my breathe, I can tell I no longer have much time left in this world. I feel faint and ready to lie down once more to rise no longer, but I have one last sight I must see before I go!

Pulling myself together I straighten my hunched back and taking small steps I move through the graveyard. Every stone represents a life that had been filled with happiness, duty or sadness. But what would mine represent? An old woman who had been too stupid to let go of the past and move on.

I laugh at the thought as I stand before the two stones I had been looking for. They stood side by side as they had in life, together in peace as they had been in turmoil. “You two never had that problem did you?” I `ask' the stones. The beating in my chest is getting faster and yet lighter and I know my time is now almost decidedly up not that I mind, I was ready to go years ago.

As I stare into the old, faded pictures of Ed and Al my focus is on Ed now eternally youthful features. As I stare at the picture I remember all the times my friends had asked me if I felt I had made the right decision to stay on my own. My answer had always been the same “if I had my time again I would change a thing” I whisper to myself.

Ed's gold eyes bore into mine and my heart is beating faster, a numbing pain starting to shot up my left arm. My time has come and as I kneel down and run my hand along his beautiful features and with my last words I whisper those words I never told him face to face but told this same picture more times then I care to remember.

“Ed….. I love you” then….. Nothing.

 

When poor old lady Winry was found people gathered from far and wide to pay their last respects to the old women. Everyone said the same thing “that poor old lady, to have died all alone like that, I wish it never happens to me” yet the only thing that her few remaining friends told each other was that she was now with her love and finally happy.

 

A/U: I did tell you it was full of fluffy angst didn't I? What I was trying to say with this was the question of wether its better to desperately hold onto someone if you love them or let them go and be content in the knowledge of their happiness. Now I know someone somewhere is going to hate this but…. I don't care! Seriously it pretty much wrote itself and I needed to get it off my chest after seeing the movie and being pissed that Ed and Winry didn't end up together. Thanks to crimson_blade17 for his/her review of my other one shot Sloth's hunger. Now I wonder if anyone will review this one?......