Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ The Military Transvestite ❯ Paperwork and photographs ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Regarding all the questions about Ed being Fuhrer, as yet I have no idea how he got that position but maybe I'll think of something. Anyway, here's chapter 2.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist

Paperwork and Photographs

Roy scowled as Ed walked into his office. “What do you want?” he grumbled

“Is that any way to talk to your Fuhrer?” enquired Ed cheerfully

Roy's scowl got worse.

“Stop sulking.” Said Ed

“Why do I have to wear this damn uniform?” complained Roy.

“Maybe if you'd been nicer when you were my superior, you wouldn't have to.”

“So that's what this is. Revenge.”

“If that's what you want to call it. I prefer to call it entertainment.” Ed grinned.

Roy muttered something insulting under his breath. Ed's grin got wider. “You don't seem comfortable, Colonel.” He remarked.

“Oh, you think so?” Roy said sarcastically.

Riza walked in without knocking. “Fuhrer, the Colonel still has paperwork to do and I know for a fact that Sheska just put another pile of papers on your desk.”

Ed sighed. “Thank you Riza. If it weren't for you and Sheska, nobody would do any paperwork around here.” He said, while the voice inside his head mused unfairly `Maybe I should fire them both'. Dutifully ignoring the voice, he walked out of the room.

“Smile.” Yelled a cheerful voice. Too cheerful, in Roy's opinion.

Roy scowled as the flash on the camera went off. He'd come out from behind his desk to very quickly make a cup of coffee (God knows he needed one), and now look what had happened. If he let that photo get out, it would circulate Central for decades. He pulled his hand out of his pocket, gloved fingers held ready in snapping position. “Hand over the camera” he said menacingly. “Or I'll fry you.”

Havoc's only answer was to turn and run towards the exit, giggling like a maniac as he dodged flames.

Suddenly, a flash of bright red fire caught on the back of his trousers. He howled in pain and, putting on an extra burst of speed, raced through the exit and slammed the door shut behind him, before snatching a bystander's coffee and using it to douse the flames. He then gave the empty coffee cup back to the astonished bystander, and strode nonchalantly away, still clutching his camera.

Havoc found Fuery standing on a table fixing the loudspeaker in the cafeteria. Fuery looked down at Havoc. “How'd it go?” he asked.

“The bastard burned a hole in my trousers” Havoc grumbled. “Why'd he go and do that, it was only a photograph.”

Fuery just laughed.

Later that day, Roy noticed a crowd of people gathered around the notice-board laughing like maniacs. As this reminded him strongly of Havoc's earlier behaviour, he decided to investigate. Making his way forcibly to the front of the crowd, he paled and then turned purple from anger. “Whose bloody idea is this!” he bellowed furiously as he stabbed his finger toward the photograph posted on the notice-board. It was labeled `Pregnant Mustang'.
(A/N for anyone who doesn't get it, Fuery altered the original picture. Don't ask me how though…) Nothing more needed to be said to describe it.

Suddenly, Roy noticed Havoc edging quietly away from the group.

“Havoc!” Roy roared as Havoc bolted toward the nearest exit like his pants were on fire again. “Get the hell back here!” Roy gave chase.

Fortunately, Havoc's luck was in and he ran into Riza at full speed, almost knocking the woman over. He cowered behind her as she calmly pulled out her gun and trained it on Mustang, who promptly turned a strange off-white colour. `Yay for colours' he thought sourly. `I'm like a human chameleon with an eye problem'

“Now, Roy, what's the problem?” Riza enquired.

“That bloody bastard…” growled Roy as an answer, making a desperate lunge toward Havoc.

Riza clicked off the safety, making Roy pale even more. “You'll be the bloody one if you try something like that again. I understand that you are frustrated, but that doesn't excuse your behaviour. You seem to have forgotten that this gun is capable of blowing your brains halfway across the room”.

Roy turned slightly green at the thought of having his own brains mixed with his blood and layered on the walls.

He decided to let Havoc live - for now.

Ok, that's all the errors fixed up, I hope. This whole story is written, along with ten chapters of the sequel but I have an unfortunate tendency to procrastinate. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” Mark Twain