Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ The Sound of Silence ❯ Something New ( Chapter 6 )

 

The Sound of Silence

 

Chapter Five

 

Something New

 

 

“Let's try something new,” Mustang murmured. Ed's eyes widened slightly and he swallowed hard.

 

New?

 

What did he mean by new?

 

The colonel pulled his head way from licking one of Ed's nipples and grinned when he saw the surprise on Ed's face. The thirteen-year-old yelled out in surprise when he was suddenly pushed roughly off the couch and onto the floor.

 

“Lie down on your back and put this under your lower back,” Mustang ordered, and tossed Ed a cushion from the couch.

 

He did as he was told and watched the man searched in the drawer of one of the end tables for a moment before pulling out a bottle. Mustang looked at it for a moment, then to Ed before kneeling on the floor.

 

“What's that?” he asked a bit nervously. `New' things weren't always `good' things.

 

Instead of answering him, the colonel said, “Don't worry about it; just lay your head down.” With his heart pounding in his chest, Ed did as he was told. He heard a wet squeezing sound, and a moment later he felt something cold touch the opening on his...

 

He gasped, and lifted his upper body to look at Mustang again. “What are you doing?” he asked in shock.

 

Mustang only grinned and lifted his other hand to fondle Ed's genitals. Ed's eyes widened when he felt Mustang's finger push into him and he scooted away. That did not feel good at all.

 

The colonel frowned in irritation and said, “Ed, come back here. It's just going to be one finger.”

 

Ed's gaze flitted to Mustang's hand. The man's fingers weren't exactly the smallest in the world... Ed shook his head vigorously. He'd really rather not. That just wasn't somewhere you put things.

 

“Ed...” Mustang growled, scooting the cushion and crawling toward the boy, “I just want you to start getting used to something there.”

 

“No, I don't want it,” Ed cried fearfully. Why would he want to get used to having something there? He couldn't imagine getting used to that. It hurt. Just that little bit stung. He didn't even want to think of what a whole finger would feel like.

 

The colonel grabbed Ed's leg, pulled his bottom up, and pushed the cushion under him. “You're being ridiculous about this. It's only one finger.”

 

Ed wanted to scoot further away, but there was really no where else to go. “Please. I don't want it. Let's do something else instead. I could give you a blowjob if you wanted,” Ed pleaded, frantically trying to get out of this situation.

 

Truthfully, he hated taking Mustang in his mouth. The first time had been a horrible experience. Just the thought of having another man's penis in his mouth had been bad enough, but then there had been the taste and Mustang's commentary. The colonel had taken to telling Ed exactly what he was doing wrong, and being none too nice about it. After the man had finally climaxed, he'd forced Ed to swallow the stuff, then told him that it had been the worst blow job of his life.

 

For nearly two months after that, every time they'd gotten together Mustang had him do it again, and Ed had worked hard to improve. He'd thought that, perhaps, if he got good enough, then he wouldn't have to do it as often. He hated the act with a passion, but the colonel's harsh comments and insults were just as bad. And of course, he'd been right. As he improved the man hadn't required him to `practice' as often. He'd wanted to teach Ed other things...

 

But no matter how much he hated giving oral sex; Ed disliked the idea of something up his ass even more.

 

“You still can't give a descent blow job, Ed. Why would I want that in exchange? Now hold still!”

 

Ed gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut when he felt Mustang touch the opening again.

 

“Relax,” the colonel commanded. He tried, but as soon as Mustang began to push his finger into him, Ed tensed up even more. In exasperation, Mustang repeated, “Relax. It will be better if you relax.”

 

But try as he might, he couldn't. The stinging had turned into fiery pain and the young teen felt tears form in his eyes. “It hurts... please...”

 

“You're being a baby about this,” Mustang growled, then murmured softly, “You really are tight, aren't you?”

 

A small, involuntary sob escaped him and he cried, “Just stop! I don't want this! It hurts!” Then in desperation Ed yelled, “I'll kick you if you don't stop!”

 

The colonel's probing stopped for a moment and Ed cracked open his eyes. Anger filled Mustang's features and the man said in calm irritation, “Kick me, and you can say good-bye to that information you wanted.”

 

Ed's heart beat fast in his chest. Lose the information? That wasn't fair. Ed wiped the tears from his face and thought of Al.

 

He had to do this...

 

For his brother...

 

He had to.

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

Ed sat up in fear and panic.

 

“Are you okay?” a voice asked him in worry. Ed moved a shaky gaze to where his brother was sitting on the other train seat.

 

Train?

 

The movement of the train forced its way into Ed's senses. Yes, train. He was on a train and the voice had been Al's. Ed sighed in relief and lay back down before resting his arm over his eyes.

 

A dream then...

 

“Brother?” Alphonse asked in concern.

 

Ed wiggled his fingers and said with forced cheerfulness, “I'm fine. Probably just ate some bad food or something.”

 

Truthfully, he wasn't fine.

 

Not at all.

 

The dream had already faded, but the feelings remained. When Ed had nightmares, they were usually one of two things.

 

The night he tried to transmute his mother... and Colonel Mustang.

 

The first type always left him feeling scared and guilty, while the second kind generally left him feeling sick to his stomach and ashamed.

 

He wasn't sure which one was worse.

 

“You shouldn't eat so much. I keep telling you that, but you don't listen,” Al chided, then said, “Do you want me to get you anything to drink? You look really pale.”

 

Ed sighed, then sat up. “No, I'll be fine, really.” He forced a big smile on his face. “You just worry way too much, Al.”

 

Alphonse really did worry too much.

 

He shouldn't have to worry. He's suffered enough. I just want him to be happy, Ed thought sadly.

 

“How about a game of cards?” Ed asked cheerfully. He didn't want to be depressed around Al. His brother deserved better from him…

 

“Only if you won't cheat!” Al declared, taking a pack of cards out of their bag.

 

“What? Me? Cheat? Whatever! You just happen to have bad luck!” Ed said with a grin. Or maybe it's me that happens to have bad luck, and you just happened to be in the way... “I could beat you at cards blindfolded,” he pronounced as his brother began dealing out the cards. I can't have you getting anymore consequences of my bad luck Al. That's why I'll do anything—anything—to get things right. I'll even let the colonel...

 

“Brother?” Al said, and Ed looked up. “Are you alright?”

 

“Of course,” he lied. “Why?”

 

“Because... you're crying...”

 

Ed blinked and swiped a hand at his face.

 

Tears...

 

He hadn't realized...

 

Ed scrubbed at his face and shrugged. “Must be allergies. That's probably why I'm not feeling well. Come on, Al; I'm not crying.” Yes I am. “It's just my eyes watering. It might even be from me just waking up.” I'm sorry, Al. “You remember that happening to you when you were little, right?” I don't want you to see me cry...

 

Al thought about it for a moment, then nodded, “Yeah, kind of, but it's fuzzy.”

 

Ed picked up his cards and said lightly, “Don't worry about it. When we get your body back it will happen again, no big deal.”

 

It's no big deal...

 

All of it...

 

It's not a big deal...

 

Really...

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

“Brother?”

 

Ed turned over in his bed and opened his eyes. He hadn't been able to get any sleep at all, and now Al talking to him was just going to make it worse… “What?” he growled miserably.

 

“Are you still awake?”

 

“No, I'm sleep talking, what do you think?” he answered back testily.

 

“Why did you do that today?”

 

“Do what?” Ed asked, feigning ignorance.

 

He heard a hollow grunted sound of irritation through the darkness, then, “You know what I mean.”

 

Ed sighed. Yes, he did know, but... how could he explain to Al? “I don't know...”

 

“You don't know? You could have gotten yourself killed!” There was a note of anger in his younger brother's voice.

 

“I'm sorry,” he mumbled, and he meant it. At least, a part of him did.

 

“Why do you keep doing crazy things like that?” The question had more worry than anger this time.

 

What could he say? That he wanted to die? No, he couldn't say that. Not to Alphonse. Ed knew he had to keep on living. He had to, for Al. But... but there was still a part of him that just didn't want to anymore—couldn't handle it. There was just so much stress on him all the time...

 

Didn't anyone notice?

 

Didn't anyone care?

 

“Well?” Alphonse pressured.

 

“Oh come on, Al; you know I'd never purposefully put myself in danger,” Ed lied, then turned his back to his brother. He felt so guilty. How could he do that to Al? His brother needed him… but he hadn't been able to stop himself today. He'd purposefully put himself in danger. He'd been reckless.

 

Sometimes he just wanted to give up. Take the easy way out. Al could find the stone without him, could find a way to do what needed to be done. His brother was just as smart as he was. There was no reason why he wouldn't be able to do it alone.

 

Ed pulled the blanket more tightly over himself.

 

Selfish.

 

He was being so selfish.

 

Al deserved better from him. What was a little... sex... compared to what his brother had to deal with? He was being stupid. Why did he feel the way he did? Why couldn't he just push aside all the negative feelings and just enjoy what was happening and leave it at that? It was supposed to be enjoyable. That's what the colonel often said, but...

 

If that was true, why did he feel so dirty inside? Why did he feel depressed and used? If it was a good thing, then why did he feel so ashamed? Why did he have nightmares, and why did he cry when no one was around?

 

Why was he so confused?

 

This whole trip, he hadn't been able to get that thing out of his mind... what Mustang had done to him before they'd left. He hadn't understood at first, why the colonel would want him to get used to something so strange.

 

Ed buried his face in his pillow.

 

I'm so dumb... he thought.

 

After he'd left, when he'd had time to actually think about it, that was when he'd realized it, realized that Mustang planned to eventually enter him there and use him like a... He pushed the thought away. He didn't want to think about it, but the thought of Mustang pushing his finger inside of him wouldn't go away. Ed felt blood rush to his cheeks in humiliation. What if Al ever found out what was going on? He'd never be able to face his brother again.

 

But they'd needed that information...

 

Suddenly, Ed felt anger fill him. Mustang had dangled those documents in front of his nose, then threatened to take them away if he didn't cooperate. He'd never threatened not to give him what he'd offered before! It just wasn't fair! Perhaps he should have kicked the stupid bastard. Ed wasn't sure if the pain had been worth it or not. This lead was going nowhere fast.

 

And, of course, it wasn't only the pain that bothered him. Through the whole thing, the colonel had taunted him, telling Ed what a baby he was being and how he'd never get Al's body back if he wasn't willing to do what was necessary. Those words hurt, and the pain from that still lingered long after the physical pain had faded.

 

“You're always so reckless brother…” Alphonse whispered softly.

 

“I know! I'm sorry! What else do you want me to say?” Ed cried in frustration. “I won't do it again!”

 

“That's what you say every time!” his brother yelled back.

 

Ed sat up and growled, “Stop nagging at me, Al! I said I was sorry, so just drop it already!”

 

In the silence that followed, Ed passed a hand over his eyes and sighed. He didn't want to fight with his brother. He should just apologize. Al was worried, and it wasn't right to make him worry.

 

“I'm sorry, Al. I know you're worried...” he mumbled.

 

“No, I'm sorry. I know you don't mean to be reckless,” Alphonse answered quietly.

 

Ed sighed wearily, then got out of bed and dragged his pillow and blanket over to where Al was sitting on the floor. “Can I sleep with you?” he whispered. Maybe he'd be able to get some sleep if he was with his brother…

 

He heard a creaking noise and knew that Al had turned his head. “But wouldn't you be warmer on the bed?”

 

Ed shrugged, then realized his brother probably didn't see it in the darkness, so he said, “It's kinda hot in here.”

 

When Al agreed, Ed crawled into the small open space that was made when the armor's legs were bent and snuggled up to his brother. The metal did feel cold, but it was comforting in a way.

 

He felt safe.

 

Protected.

 

Nothing bad could happen to him here, because Al never slept. Al would protect him. And in turn, Ed would protect Al.

 

No matter what.

 

--

 

Child abuse, or any kind of abuse, is a serious issue. If you, or someone you know, is being abused, please find someone you can trust and tell them.