Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ The Sound of Silence ❯ Guilt and Manipulation ( Chapter 8 )

 

 

The Sound of Silence

 

Chapter Seven

 

Guilt and Manipulation

 

 

“Please, brother... Please tell me what's wrong...” Al whined, not for the first time, as Ed lay, hiding under his blanket.

 

Ed thought that perhaps he should say something to his brother, try to assure him in some way, but he couldn't. He'd come home last night and, without a word, crawled into bed and fallen asleep. Ed thought that Al might have tried to talk to him when he'd come home, but he couldn't remember because he'd been too focused on going to bed, on going to sleep and escaping this hellish reality that was his life.

 

He desperately wished he could forget what had happened in Mustang's office too, but he couldn't. He couldn't forget, and now it was morning. He was supposed to get ready for the day, but he just couldn't. It was if his mind was in some sort of stand still. All he could do was lay there. Besides all the mental anguish, there was the physical pain... Moving hurt, just being awake hurt, and if he tried to get up it would be obvious something was wrong. What would he tell Al? How would he explain?

 

No, better to just stay in bed.

 

Better just to say quiet.

 

For once, Ed was truly grateful that Al insisted on getting a hotel room instead of staying at the dorms. His brother didn't like staying at the dorms, didn't like the stares and the questions that inevitably came from new recruits. Even though Ed would insist that they should stay there because it was free, he didn't argue too much. How could he? Al didn't ask for all that much. Besides, fewer questions meant less chances of being found out... about their human transmutation, and about what was going on with Mustang. But this morning he was especially grateful. In the dorms, he would have had to get up. There were rules against staying in bed all day.

 

“Brother, at least say something. Are you mad at me?” Al pleaded, hurt confusion lacing through his voice. A tear trickled down his cheek at the pain he could hear in his brother's voice. No... he wasn't mad... he should say something... Why couldn't he make himself say something? He wanted to, but he just couldn't.

 

He heard the clanking of Al's steps move away from him, and then the sound of him grabbing something.

 

The phone.

 

He could hear the dial tone, then, “Hello? Colonel Mustang?”

 

No, not him, Al, Ed thought frantically and swallowed. It would be only natural that Al would call his commanding officer. After all, Ed would be late for work, so he needed to let someone know.

 

“Yes, this is Alphonse.” A pause. “Well, it's about brother. I don't think he's going to come in today.” Another pause. “I think he's sick or something. He won't get out of bed and he won't talk to me at all.” A slight pause and Ed heard his brother whisper, “I think he's mad at me, but I don't know what I could have done wrong.”

 

I'm not mad at you, Al.

 

“Oh well, sir, no you don't have to do that. Are you sure? Yes, of course. Thank you, Colonel. See you when you get here,” Al said, then hung up the phone.

 

Fear and panic flashed through him and his whole body tensed.

 

Mustang?

 

Coming here?

 

“Brother, the colonel is coming over to check on you. That's really nice of him, isn't it?” A pause, then, “I told him you were sick. I mean. I think you might be... unless you're just mad at me and you don't want to talk to me about it.”

 

Another tear escaped Ed's eye. He really needed to reassure his brother. It wasn't like Ed to ignore people, but... if he said something, then his brother would want to know why he was being ignored if the reason wasn't that he was mad.

 

No, better to let him think he was mad... the lesser of two evils...

 

Ed wasn't sure how much time had passed when there was a knock on the door. When he heard it, he thought he'd throw up. It was stupid to be scared, he told himself. After all, Al was here. He would protect him; and besides, the colonel wouldn't try to hurt him while someone was around anyway.

 

Right?

 

“Colonel, thanks for coming,” he heard Al say.

 

“It's no problem at all, Alphonse. He is my subordinate after all.”

 

There was a moment of silence, then Ed heard his brother whisper, “Actually I don't know if he's really sick or not. He just won't talk to me.”

 

“Don't worry. He probably just caught a sickness that's been going around; makes it so you can't talk. I'm sure it has nothing to do with you,” Mustang said reassuringly.

 

“You think so?” Al said, sounding relieved.

 

“Yes, I do. Now, I've written a small list of things that I'd like you to pick up if you would. I'm going to give Ed the day off, so he'll be able to rest over the weekend.”

 

There was a moment of silence, then Al said, “You don't have to give me any money for it. We have money.”

 

“No... I... I insist. Also, you should probably buy him some food that he likes. I've heard this sickness can take away the appetite, so having something around that he really enjoys might entice him to eat.”

 

“That's a good idea,” Al agreed.

 

“I'll tell you what, why don't you go right now, and I'll stay with him while you're gone so you don't have to worry.”

 

Ed felt a wave of cold spread over his body and he could feel himself begin to tremble uncontrollably. No... Al... Don't leave me... he thought. Ed tried to force himself to get up, to say he was fine and Mustang could just go fuck himself, but he couldn't! He just fucking couldn't! All he could do was lay there in panic and fear... Why was he being like this? Why? Why? Why!

 

“Really? Thank you so much, Colonel. I'll try to hurry back,” Al said quickly.

 

“Don't worry about hurrying. I need a break from all that paperwork anyway.”

 

Ed clenched his teeth together to stop them from chattering, and squeezed his eyes shut, causing another tear to leak out.

 

“Okay. If you don't mind.”

 

“I don't,” Mustang affirmed.

 

“Would you mind if I dropped by the library to pick up a few books for him?”

 

“Not at all. Take your time.”

 

Ed heard his brother's footsteps as he crossed the room to the bed and said, “Did you hear that, brother? I'm going to go pick up a few things for you, but the colonel said he'll stay here with you, okay? I promise I won't be gone too long.” A pause, then a whispered, “You are sick right?”

 

Ed nodded under the blanket. He was sure Al would be able to tell it was a nod, even if his head was under the covers.

 

“You're not mad at me?” Al asked hopefully.

 

He shook his head. Now that he had the story Mustang had cooked up to fall back on, he was able to do at least that, but he still couldn't talk, and he couldn't make himself do anything else.

 

“Okay! I'll be back soon then!” His brother said, sounding relieved.

 

After the door shut, there was quiet in the hotel room. The trembling in his body increased as he heard the man walk toward the bed. Fearfully, Ed waited for Mustang to do something, or to say something, and as the minutes stretched on in silence, his apprehension grew.

 

After a long time, he heard the colonel sigh softly, then sit down on the edge of the bed. When he felt the blankets being pulled back, Ed wanted to keep a hold of them, but didn't dare. He felt so vulnerable, lying on his stomach, head faced away from the man, but he couldn't force himself to move. He felt the blanket stripped completely off of him and felt suddenly grateful that he hadn't undressed before going to bed. It wasn't much, but at least he was covered.

 

“Ed,” Mustang said softly, but the boy didn't respond. He couldn't. “Ed, you should get out of these clothes.”

 

Why? So you can take me again? the fourteen-year old thought bitterly.

 

Ed flinched slightly when he felt a touch on his back. “It's alright... just... just relax, okay?” Mustang soothed, continuing to rub Ed's back gently. “You should bathe too...”

 

Ed frowned in confusion. The colonel sounded so... timid... unsure... What was this? Something was different here, but he couldn't put his finger on it... what was it?

 

“I'm going to pick you up, alright? You need to get into some clean clothes.”

 

There was an awkward pause, as if Mustang really believed Ed would answer him, then he felt himself being carefully lifted and carried toward the bathroom. It hurt, being moved, and when he was set down on his feet in the bathroom, he nearly collapsed.

 

The colonel closed the lid on the toilet and sat down in front of Ed, but the boy only looked down. He didn't want to look up. Didn't want to face what was going to happen. He heard the water being turned on in the tub, then the man said softly, “Do you want me to undress you, or will you undress yourself?”

 

He had a choice?

 

Ed thought of undressing himself, but decided against it. He didn't want to willingly get naked in front of Mustang right now. If the man wanted him undressed, then he could do it.

 

The colonel seemed to understand, after Ed stood there for several minutes without moving, and slowly began taking Ed's clothes off. The jacket and tank top were quickly removed, but when he reached for the belt, Mustang's movements slowed.

 

His fingers rested lightly on the metal of the buckle and Ed heard him swallow loudly before starting to undo the belt. An involuntary whimper escaped Ed's lips and Mustang stopped again. In a shaky voice, the colonel whispered, “I'm not going to hurt you... I... I swear... I...” his voice trailed off as he began undoing the belt again.

 

When the belt was off, Mustang very gently pulled Ed's pants down. Unfortunately, the leather had fused itself to Ed's raw legs and rear over the night and as the pants came off, so did some of the skin. Ed bit hard on his lip to keep from crying out in pain.

 

“I know it hurts,” Mustang said, then whispered, “Trust me... I know...” Ed wasn't sure what that meant, and he didn't really care at the moment. He just waited numbly for the man to do what he was going to do.

 

“Turn around so I can undo your braid more easily,” Mustang said softly, and for a moment Ed hesitated. Turning his back to the colonel was the last thing he wanted to do, but if he didn't… The blond turned slowly, his heart beating hard in his chest. Please don't... he thought miserably. Please don't hurt me again... Ed felt the colonel gently pull out the hair tie and slowly undo his messy braid.

 

He heard the colonel pick something up off the counter, then felt a brush being pulled carefully through his hair. It felt... nice... Ed always liked it when someone else was brushing his hair. Usually it was Al, though Winry had done it during the time he was recovering from the automail surgery as it grew longer.

 

But, of course, this was Roy Mustang. The man always tried to calm him down before he did something to him; it was his way. Ed tried not to let himself enjoy it too much. He couldn't let his guard down.

 

“Well that should do it,” the colonel said, and put the brush down. The boy felt large hands grab him and turn him around before shutting the water off. “Now, Ed, I want you to get into the tub. I know it will be uncomfortable, but try getting on your hands and knees. Your wounds need to be cleaned or else they'll get infected.”

 

Get on his hands and knees? Ed swallowed nervously, but stepped into the shallow hotel bath tub and did as he was told. The water came up to his stomach and where it touched the parts of his skin on his legs that had been beaten, it burned terribly.

 

“This might hurt a bit, but it needs to be done,” he heard Mustang say, then felt the man's hands, lathered with soap, rub carefully against the back of his legs and his rear. Ed sucked air sharply through his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. `Hurt' wasn't exactly the word he would have used for this. `Sting' was more what he was feeling. When Mustang was finished, he poured water over Ed's body to wash away the soap, then said, “We should wash your hair too. It's filthy.”

 

Not in the mood to argue, and he supposed it probably wouldn't have mattered if he was, Ed nodded his head and a moment later the colonel was pouring water over his head. Ed endured the washing, each moment wondering what would happen next; and, finally, after what seemed like forever, Mustang pulled the plug on the drain and told him to get up.

 

After being dried off, the colonel carried Ed back to his bed and laid him down on his stomach. Mustang sat beside him and he heard a cap being unsnapped, then the wet sound of something being squeezed from a tube. Ed tensed in fear. This must be it... Now Mustang was going to do him again like he had last night...

 

“This is going to help you heal,” Mustang said, then began applying a cold, slimy cream to Ed's skin. For a moment there was silence, then the colonel said, “You know this is all your fault, right? I mean, if you weren't so reckless...” Ed's fingers tightened on the sheets and he turned his head away from the colonel. “Also you shouldn't have lied to me. Really, Ed, I deserve better than that. I don't think a little honesty is too much to expect after all I've done for you,” Mustang continued in a hurt tone.

 

Tears came unbidden to Ed's eyes and he tried to blink them away, but it did no good. It was so frustrating to hear the colonel say these things to him. Maybe this really was all his fault. Mustang had done a lot for him and Al... And even though a lot of the time Ed had to `pay' for what the colonel did or information he gave, it wasn't always like that.

 

When the man's fingers gently pressed into Ed's body, he stiffened. “Some of this cream should be in here too,” Mustang said in an off-hand manner before saying, “I know it's the way of teenagers, but I'd hoped that you might just be a little more mature than how you've been acting. You've been really selfish. I hope that from now on you'll be able to think about other people as well as yourself.”

 

I think about others... Ed thought miserably and pressed his face into the mattress when he felt the urge to let a sob break from him. He was mature... really... well, sometimes maybe he wasn't, but most of the time he was...

 

When the colonel finished, he got up and put the bottle in the bathroom. “Do you have any pajamas?” Mustang asked as he returned, and Ed shook his head. “Alright... well, a pair of boxers will work fine too, and I know you have those.” Ed decided not to grace that with an answer and after a moment the colonel said, “I'm going to look in your suitcase unless there's somewhere else?”

 

Again Ed said nothing. What did he care if Mustang rummaged through his luggage? There wasn't that much in there anyway. Mustang found what he was looking for quickly enough, and put them on Ed.

 

“Normally it would be best not to put anything on until you're more healed, but it might be best if your brother doesn't see this.” The colonel paused, then went on slowly. “In fact, it would be best if no one knew about this Ed. After all, I'd hate for people to start asking the wrong questions and find out about you and your brother. You know how these things can be; best to just avoid any unwanted attention, right?”

 

Ed sniffed and nodded. Yeah, it would be better he supposed…

 

He felt the blanket being pulled up over his body, then Mustang said, “I'm feeling pretty forgiving today, so let's just put this whole thing behind us, alright? I'm willing to forget this whole thing ever happened. After all, you are my subordinate.” Ed felt Mustang's hand begin to rub his back again. “And, of course, we understand each other. Right, Ed? We're close; we understand each other's... needs... right? Some secrets are just meant to be kept. Right? Ed?”

 

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Chapter Notes: For anyone wondering why there are almost no visual descriptions in this chapter—that was done on purpose. This chapter was written differently from the other chapters of this story because of Ed's mental state. I decided to write this almost strictly from an audio and physical sensory point of view as if Ed was trying (if subconsciously ) to block out his physical surroundings because his mind was still too much in shock to handle it all.

 

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Child abuse, or any kind of abuse, is a serious issue. If you, or someone you know, is being abused, please find someone you can trust and tell them.