Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Torn Existence ❯ An Unlikely Alliance ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Envy and I left that very night for Central. My speed was nothing compared to his, and he begrudgingly carried me on his back when he got impatient. Nothing seemed to fatigue him.

The city was already abuzz with talk of the success of Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric; the first person ever to succeed in bringing a human back to life. The boy had tried to keep it under wraps, but there were too many people who knew of Marie and her death. Her sudden return could only be explained by one thing; human transmutation. Considering Edward’s remarkable talent at the science, it wasn’t hard to believe.

We finally approached a small house on the outskirts of the city. It was the home of an experienced alchemist and his bride to be. Our target, of course, was the latter.

I was all ready to barge in, do what we needed to do, and leave. But Envy had other intentions, and grabbed me by the arm as I started for the house. “Hold on there, kid,” he said, grinneing sadistically, “let’s have some fun with this.”

Envy walked around the house, glancing in through the windows. He finished and came back over to me, another satisfied grin plastered on his face. He then tested the door and found it was locked. “Alright. I’ll kick down the door and you run in to the first room on the right. He’s in there. I’ll find the woman and take care of her.” He turned to the door but then quickly caught my eye once again. “Make sure he doesn’t make a sound.”

“Why?”

“Just do it, you’ll see.”

Envy broke through the door with relative ease, and I followed his directions. The alarmed alchemist came out of the room he was in to see what was going on, and I caught him in a headlock after bringing out my shield. Not only did it protect me, but my strength seemed to increase as well.

I covered his mouth as Envy had ordered, and he could barely move in my hold. I hadn’t learned this hold from Envy, but from Edward.

A scream came from one of the rooms, and the man flinched in my grasp, trying to get away. I felt a quick, sharp pain of guilt and sorrow at his reaction to the woman’s scream, but as usual the feeling disappeared quickly. I wished I would just feel one way or the other; the frequent flux between apathy and extreme emotion that I’d been experiencing ever since I was brought back was confusing and I didn’t know what to think at times.

An exact replica of the man I had in my grasp stepped back out into the hallway, with a few streaks of fresh blood across his shirt and holding a bloodstained knife. The real version of him stiffened at the sight and let out a muffled scream into my hand.

Envy grinned evilly, and it looked strange on the face of the kind looking man. “I am the last thing she saw before she died.”

The alchemist struggled more than ever to get out of my hold, and I got the okay from Envy to knock him unconscious. Envy transformed back into himself and placed the bloody knife in his hand. “Wish I could see his reaction when he woke up. Nothing like a guilt complex to make sure the job gets done, right?”

The strangest feeling came over me as I looked down at him. I was feeling guilty that I didn’t feel any guilt at what I‘d helped accomplish. If that’s even possible.

“Well this should assure that he‘ll perform the transmutation. I doubt he would avoid it after knowing that she thinks he killed her. He’ll want to set things right.”

Envy chuckled. “That’s the way to think. You just might be better at this sort of thing than I thought.”

We headed back to Dante’s and Envy sent me in to tell her we’d finished. The uneasiness I always felt around Dante caused me to go back out and search for Envy.

I found him in a nearby tree, sitting on one of the lower branches and leaning against the trunk. I sat down on the grass at the bottom and leaned against it as well.

The silence was broken only by the chirping of crickets, until Envy finally spoke. I usually didn’t speak with him unless he started the conversation.

“Not bad today, I half expected you to wimp out on me. Maybe next time I’ll let you make the kill.”

I didn’t answer. I really didn’t have anything to say to that. I didn’t comply, but I didn’t object.

“Hey,” I finally asked, “What did you mean when you said you wondered why Lust wanted to become human? I thought all the homunculi did, including you.”

“I used to,” he answered casually. “But the longer I’m around them the more I despise them. I’d rather deal with the consequences of being a homunculus that
becoming one of those despicable creatures.”

“But…” I began, glancing up at the stars, “Don’t you ever wish that you could feel again?”

Envy’s voice was serious this time, and I could barely hear as he answered, “All I feel, and all I’ll ever feel, is hatred for the one who abandoned me and the ones he
abandoned me for.”

I could tell he didn’t want to press the matter further, so I kept quiet. I was surprised he’d told me as much as he did. Maybe he was warming up to me a little.


Something had to change. I hadn’t fully recovered from the surgery yet, but if I stayed in Resembool much longer I was going to scream. There was absolutely nothing going on, which only made it easier for my mind to wander and dwell on unpleasant thoughts. I had to get out of there.

I found Winry working on a prosthetic arm for one of her clients. I hadn’t spoken to her much since our discussion about Marie, so needless to say I was a bit hesitant as I entered.

“Uh…Winry?” I asked, and she looked up at me from her work. “I’m going back to East City for awhile, just thought I’d let you know.”

She set down her tools and gave me that all-too familiar look, full of concern and worry. She always worried about Al and I. I appreciated the concern, but I wished she wouldn’t. It just made me feel guilty.

“Ed, I really wish you’d wait. If I know you, you’ll get into trouble and you’re not going to be able to do anything about it if you haven’t gained full use of your arm.”

I sighed and sat down in a chair a few feet away from her. “I know, but I just need to get out of here for awhile and clear my head. I won’t do anything dangerous, I
promise.” I felt yet another pang of guilt at my last words. I didn’t know if I could really keep that promise, but it was necessary to keep her from worrying too much.

She rolled her eyes. “I’ve heard that before.”

“Really, Winry. I’m just a burden to all of you anyway, you’ll be better off without me hanging around. Besides, I need to get ready for my upcoming assessment.”

“Well,” she sighed, wiping some of the oil on her hands on a handkerchief, “I know I won’t be able to stop you. Just be careful, alright?”

I stood up and forced a smile. “I will. I’m sorry for…everything.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just do what you have to do.”

I nodded. “See you then,” I said, and walked out the door.

I grabbed my already packed suitcase and went outside, where Al was playing with Winry’s dog, Den.

He looked up at me and smiled, but it was replaced by a frown when he saw my suitcase. He abandoned his play to come and meet me at the steps.

“Brother, where are you going?”

“I’m going to the East City. Probably just going to do a little studying for awhile, to take my mind off things.”

Reaching for the door handle, he responded, “Let me go pack, I’ll go with you.”

I grabbed his wrist before he went inside. He turned to me, puzzled.

“Al, there’s no need for you to come. It’ll be boring, I’m just going to get ready for my assessment that’s coming up.”

“But I want to study with you! I need to re-learn everything I forgot!”

I put a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. That was the only thing that brought me peace; knowing he was alive and well and capable of living a
normal life. “I’ll be back soon, Al. Stay here and take care of granny and Winry.”

I hated doing this. I really did want him to come with me; but I didn’t want him getting involved. I was going to search for Marie, and I was going to do it alone. He
didn’t need to get caught up in that sort of thing.

I gave his shoulder a squeeze and walked down the wooden steps onto the dirt path. I turned at the gate and waved at him. He returned the gesture, a wistful look in his eyes.

After the dusty walk to the station I boarded the train and began the familiar journey to East City. I didn’t know how long I was going to remain an alchemist of the state; right now it was mainly so Al and I wouldn’t have to mooch off the Rockbells for everything. As it turned out, it was a good thing I did. My new arm wasn’t exactly
cheap, and neither was the recurring maintenance on my auto-mail leg.

But if I wanted to keep my license, I had to keep playing by the rules, and that was what I hated. I had to report to the General every so often, and take on any assignments they gave me. Not to mention my assessment was coming up soon.

I sighed dejectedly and leaned back against the seat, watching the countryside speed by outside the window. In any case, I had to find Marie and find out what
was going on. I had a horrible, sinking feeling that my transmutation hadn’t been as successful as I had initially thought.

As much as I wanted to avoid it, a visit to the General was ineluctable. I knew the moment I arrived he would wonder why Al and Marie weren’t with me. That would lead to questions about her location, and the last thing I wanted to do was give Mustang the satisfaction of justifying his warnings prior to my transmutation and to tell me ‘I
told you so.’

When I first got off the train in East City, I didn‘t understand why so many people seemed to be staring at me. Some gazed with a look of admiration and others eyed me as if I was the most despicable creature on the face of the earth. When I realized why they were doing this, I mentally kicked myself for not figuring it out sooner and foreseeing what would happen upon my return to the city. Of course; at that point word would have spread of my so-called “success” at bringing a human back. To some this would be considered an amazing feat; something to be congratulated for. Others, most likely the majority judging by the number of glares I received, believed it was an unforgivable transgression that could only be attempted by a godless fool. I regrettably admitted that their accusations were probably legitimate. But the questioned remained; would I be punished, and if so how severely?

Do not create humans.

Do not create gold.

Swear absolute loyalty to the military.

Those were the three rules a State Alchemist must never break. I was sure that, in addition to losing your certification as an alchemist of the state, there would be a harsher punishment. I chuckled slightly as I realized that, in one way or another, I’d broken all three rules.

After settling in to the dorms I began the dreaded walk to Mustang’s office. I half expected to be stopped and convicted the moment I stepped into HQ, but the only thing I received were awestruck stares.

Upon reaching his office, I drew a deep breath and knocked on the door. The General admitted me in, and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as I entered.

“Welcome back, Fullmetal.”

“Hell of a welcome,” I grumbled, in reference to the stares.

His elbows propped on his desk, Mustang laced his fingers together and rested his chin on them. “C’mon Ed, you must have been prepared for this. From now on
people are going to either revere you as a saint or condemn you as a sinner. There’s no way around it, considering what you did.”

“Just tell me what you’re going to do to me,” I said warily.

He quirked an eyebrow in question.

“My punishment,” I explained impatiently.

He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms, a curious smile on his face. “It seems that, considering you succeeded, there will be no punishment.”

“What?” I asked incredulously. Part of me had hoped my license would be revoked; it would give me an excuse to leave the military for good.

“That was the decision,” he said. He watched me for an uncomfortably long moment; despite only being able to do it with one eye, his scrutiny was as intense as ever as he tried to read my thoughts. Then he asked what I knew was coming. “Is everything okay? You seem…upset.”

“I don’t feel like discussing it,” I answered. I gave him a lazy salute, and turned to the door, but before I reached it I felt a hand land on my shoulder.

“Why aren’t Al and Marie with you?” he asked knowingly. Damn my transparent emotions. I couldn’t hide anything from that nosy bastard.

“I have my reasons,” I said, pushing his hand off my shoulder. “I just need to clear up a few things on my own right now.”

He let me go without further questions, but I knew that wasn’t the end of it. He would continue to pry until he got an answer out of me, claming that as my
commanding officer he had a right to know.

I went to my room and laid on the bed, but between the slight pain where my new arm joined my flesh and the thoughts racing through my mind, sleep took a long time to come.

In what seemed only minutes later I was woken by a light knock on the door, and a woman’s voice said, “Edward, there’s someone here to see you.”

It was Lieutenant Hawkeye. Had it been Mustang, I probably wouldn’t have opened the door.

I padded over to the door, fully dressed. I hadn’t even bothered to change last night; my mind had been too busy with other things.

Hawkeye told me a man was waiting at the front desk, and he looked anxious about something. Upon my arrival at the front I saw she was right; a young man,
probably around Roy’s age, was sitting in one of the chairs, wringing his hands nervously. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. He looked up as I entered the room and quickly approached me.

“Mr. Elric, I have a very important favor to ask of you,” he glanced around the room before adding, “can we speak outside?”

“Yeah…I guess,” I stammered. Something told me I wasn’t going to like this.

The moment we shut the door behind us whatever sanity he had left in his eyes disappeared. Pleading eyes bore into mine as he put both hands on my shoulders.

“You’re the one everyone’s talking about…the first alchemist to ever succeed at human transmutation, right?”

I knew what was coming next and answered the inevitable question. “I can’t bring someone back for you. I’m sorry.”

His grip on my shoulder tightened. “Please! You have no idea what I’m going through; my fiancé was killed! I love her more than anything and I have to get her
back!”

I sighed and pushed his hands off my shoulders. “I know very well what you’re going through. And I’ll tell you right now; it’s not worth it.”

“But you succeeded!” he said, his eyes welling up with tears.

I turned away, unable to look him in the eyes. “Look, there was something…I had a connection with the person I was trying to bring back. That’s the only reason it
worked.”

“What kind of connection? What can I do? Mr. Elric please, I’ll do anything, you have to help me!”

I didn’t know how to explain it to him. What was I supposed to say, I died and met her at the Gate? There’s no way he’d believe me, and even if he did it’s not like
he could use the same method. Even if that were possible, it wouldn’t be worth it. She wouldn’t be the same person. Just like my Marie…

I noticed him staring at me and realized with embarrassment that a tear was sliding down my cheek. I hastily wiped it away and continued, “Look, I really wish I
could help you, but I can’t. Neither can anyone else. Please take my advice and abandon any thoughts you have about human transmutation. Not only for your sake, but for the sake of your fiancé.”

I started to walk back inside but he grabbed my sleeve. “How can you do this? If you’re capable of doing it then why can’t you help me?”

I pulled out of his grip and gave him a cold glare, quite unintentionally. I couldn’t help it; he was awakening painful memories. “I got closer than anyone ever has. But I didn’t succeed the way everyone thinks I did. It’s not possible. Take it from me - I learned the hard way and you shouldn’t have to do the same.”

I made sure my tone left no room for argument and walked back inside without another word. I did what I could, but a nagging doubt in the back of my mind told me
he was going to try it anyway. I hoped he wouldn’t.


“Ready for your first kill?”

I turned toward the familiar icy voice. Envy stopped in front of me, gazing down at where I sat against the tree.

I stood up. “Did you find out if he did it?”

“It was just as I thought,” Envy responded. “Edward is in Central right now and that guy went to him for help. He refused of course, so I took the liberty of helping in his place.”

“What’d you do?”

He shrugged. “Just handed the guy some research papers that should be enough to make him attempt it. In Edward’s form, of course.”

I tried to fight down the feeling of guilt that stirred inside me when I realized what was going to happen to that man. But as usual the feeling quickly disappeared
and was replaced with the usual apathy I felt towards just about everything.

“So,” Envy began, folding his arms against his chest and giving me a sly look, “You never answered me. You’re ready to kill him, right?”

I shrugged. “If you want me to, I guess I’ll do it.” Going against what Envy said just seemed like a bad idea, and I was ready to do what he asked in order to stay on good terms.

Envy smirked and bent down slightly so I could get on his back. “Believe me, you won’t be able to get enough once you try it.”

At nightfall we reached our destination. Envy leaned against the wall and gave me the go ahead. He was going to let me handle the whole thing. We picked the
lock because this time I didn’t know who was where inside, and I wanted the element of surprise on my side.

I fingered my knife as I slipped quietly inside. Peeking in one room I noticed a young boy reading, his back turned to me. Judging by Envy’s information I guessed
that was my target. With speed that would have been impossible had I been human, in an instant I had the boy against the wall, my knife held at his throat. I froze when I
saw his face. It was Fletcher Tringham.

I stared in shocked silence at the familiar blonde boy I had pinned against the wall. Something strange, an emotion I hadn’t felt for a long time, stirred within me and kept me from going any further. He stared at me in horror, recognition and confusion registering on his face. While I was in my stupor Fletcher cried out for his brother, who appeared in the doorway within seconds.

I didn’t need to turn to him to know he was quickly sketching an array on the floor. Without bothering to see what I was up against I covered my body with my shield and barely felt something hit my back. I released Fletcher and turned around to see a spear resting on the ground. I let my shield die, as it took a lot of energy to keep it up, and gazed up at Russell.

An awestruck, terrified expression similar to Fletcher’s appeared on his face when our eyes met.

“M-Marie…but you…were killed…” he stammered.

I remained silent, confused by the strange emotions that were preventing me from getting my job done. Russell finally seemed to come to his senses and shot me a murderous glare.

“Get away from him,” he sneered in a near whisper. For reasons I didn’t even understand at the time, I complied. Fletcher got up and ran to his brother, keeping a wary eye on me. After a quick scan of his brother to search for any injuries, Russell returned his gaze to me. “Who are you? You can’t be Marie, she’s dead.”

My emotions were quickly being replaced by apathy once again. “Why don’t you ask Edward?”

Something registered on Russell’s face, and I could tell in that instant he understood everything. “He didn’t…” he whispered, horror etched on his face, “there’s no way he would do something so stupid…”

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to finish what I came to do. Looking at the two of them brought forth memories that, despite how much I hated them, would not allow me to carry out my duties. I darted past the brothers and ran out the door, but was stopped when someone grabbed me by the wrist. I turned and found myself looking into irritated violet eyes.

“What’s going on? Did you do it?” Envy asked impatiently.

I tried to pull away from him, unwilling to tell him I failed. But he tightened his grip and at that point escape was impossible. So I improvised.

“Yeah, I did it. Let’s go.”

He seemed unconvinced. “What’s your hurry, huh?”

It took a while for his question to register, I was still brooding over what I almost did. Out of all the alchemists in Central, we had to pick Russell. I told myself to make a point of asking Dante who it was before I left to kill someone.

Envy’s cold voice brought me back to reality. “Did something happen?”

I stared at him blankly for a moment before finally answering, “No, everything went fine. I just don’t think we need to hang around any longer.”

I was surprised when he let go and lifted me onto his back and started back toward Dante’s. “It’s that pesky human side of yours, it’s making it difficult for you to
kill and eager to escape the scene. But you’ll get used to it in time, and soon it won’t affect you.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought he would go in and check, but apparently he was convinced that my hurry was induced from a twinge of guilt. He was right in a way, but I wasn’t about to tell him that I hadn’t experienced the guilt from the actual kill.

“So,” he asked in an amused voice, “how’d it feel?”

Desperate to keep up my façade, I tried my best to sound natural. “I didn’t feel much, I just wanted to get away right after I’d done it.”

“You’ll get over that. After you get used to it you’ll want to savor your kills. Until then. Just getting it done is good enough.”

We stopped near the tree at Dante’s and I slid off Envy’s back.

“Who’s next?” I asked, trying to act as casual as possible.

Envy glared at the house, the look obviously directed at the resident. “Well she’s probably going to tell us to stop generating more homunculi and to start on phase two, which is most likely gathering up enough people to make a Stone.” He turned to me with a smirk and backed me into the tree, putting a hand to either side of my head and placing his face uncomfortably close to mine. “But I was thinking,” he continued in a low voice, “Maybe I should start working on finding another way to make the red stones the homunculi need so I can kill that bitch once and for all.” His narrowed eyes bore into mine as he added in a tone that resembled that of an excited child, “Wanna help?”

At this point, all I could do was nod. I really didn’t give a damn either way, but decided I preferred being on Envy’s side in whatever events were going to follow.


As if the earlier visit hadn’t been enough to ruin my day, I was summoned once again to meet yet another eager visitor. I had barely entered the room when a flustered looking Russell dragged me outside.

I was about to inquire as to his odd behavior when he suddenly slammed his fist into the side of my face.

“You idiot! For being a prodigy, you sure are lacking in the brains department,” he hissed.

Rubbing my cheek I shot him a scowl. “What are you talking about? What the hell was that for?”

His eyes narrowed and his voice was laced with even more malice as he replied, “Someone who looks exactly like Marie, who to my knowledge is dead, tried to kill my brother. As far as I can see, there‘s only one explanation for that.”

I looked up at him in horror, and found that I was unable to speak.

He grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me toward him, getting more upset by the minute. “She tried to kill him, Ed! What the hell were thinking by trying to bring her back?”

“But…” I said quietly, too shocked to form a coherent thought. “She was…I didn’t…”

He shoved me back and shot me an icy glare. “She what, Ed? She’s a homunculus. You know better than anyone what happens when you transmute humans. I can’t even begin to wonder why you would do something so stupid! Especially since you've experienced the consequences first-hand!”

Nothing he said was getting through to me. All I heard was the word ‘homunculus.’

“Russell...did you just say…homunculus?”

“Of course I did, what surprises you about that?”

“But I…” I began in a near whisper. “I saw her Russell… I saw her! She was human, I know it! She was acting strangely, but I swear it was her. It had to be…”

“Tell me Ed, how many people do you know that can generate a shield to cover their body?”

My eyes locked on his, and I stared at him in disbelief. A shield…That could only mean…Greed…

“What could have possibly made you think that you succeeded?” he asked.

He continued to press, but it took me a while to gather my thoughts and calm down. I told him about seeing her at the Gate, and that that was why I’d tried to bring her back. When I told him how I’d seen her, and how she had looked to be perfectly human when I brought her back, he understood my confusion.

“But I thought that when you created a homunculus they looked like monsters at first,” he asked.

“They do, that’s why I don’t understand how she could be a homunculus.”

“Not only that,” he continued, “But it looked exactly like Marie. Homunculi usually look slightly different from their original selves.”

I buried my face in my hands and tried to fight back tears. “I don’t get it…she seemed perfectly normal at first, but she started acting strangely..."

“All I can figure is that having only to reach to the Gate to find her soul must have had a different effect, maybe made her transformation into a homunculus was slower than normal,” he turned to me, obviously trying to say something he didn’t want to. “Ed…you know what this means.”

I knew exactly what it meant. But it wouldn’t be like killing Sloth. At least I could differentiate her from my mother, but this new Greed…It looked exactly like Marie.

“Russell, I…” I started, but couldn’t control my voice as the tears began to fall again. He put a hand on my shoulder, and I was grateful to him for not pressing the matter further. He knew that I knew what must be done.