Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Walking the Line Between Want and Need ❯ Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

“I'm nuts aren't I?” Roy asked the man sitting across the room. Elbow on his desk, chin resting in his cupped palm while the fingers of his other hand drummed against his desk as he studied the figure on the couch.

 

“You are the one talking to a dead man. And if I may I point out, for you, being crazy is nothing new.” Hughes's legs were crossed and an arm was draped across the back of the couch. He looked exactly as he had when Roy had last seen him alive.

 

“Great, a witty dead man. I don't suppose you could tell me why you were killed.”

 

“Nope. I don't know until you do - try to remember I'm all in your head, so I only know what you know.” Hughes familiar grin smiled back.

 

“If you're only in my mind, why do I see you everywhere?” Roy's free hand rose to hold his forehead.

 

“Guilt. You've always had a problem with guilt. Trying to take the responsibility for things you had no control over. Things like my death.”

 

“I am responsible,” Roy didn't look up. “I dragged you into this and now you're dead.”

 

“You dragged me into nothing. I was doing some research for FullMetal.” Hughes voice was cold. “Have you heard of this new thing - they call it free will.”

 

Roy sighed. “Hmmm. Perhaps I should look into it.”

 

“So what's up with you and Riza?” Hughes wiggled his eyebrows and smirked at the man behind the desk.

 

Roy groaned. “I should have known you'd bring that up. Finding me a wife was your main concern when you were alive, what made me think you dying would change that?”

 

“Everyone needs another person sometime in their lives and you've needed someone since I met you.”

 

“But what makes you think Riza's the one?”

 

“Anyone with eyes can see how important you are to her. I've been telling you that for years.”

 

Roy rocked back in his chair, slightly unfocused eyes and a frown on his face. “I never thought she cared for me like that. The closer she gets to me, the more dangerous her life will be. She deserves someone who's free to give her a better life. Someone who can keep her safe and give her everything she needs.”

 

“And if you're what she wants?”

 

“She's smarter than that.”

 

Hughes snorted at his friend's comment. “One would think so, but she's determined to stay by your side.”

 

“She's loyal to a fault.”

 

Hughes sighed again. “You've always had trouble seeing things that are right in front of your face.”

 

“And you died because of it. I should have seen how dangerous things were getting.”

 

“You were in a different city, how could you have seen the danger? You're being an idiot.”

 

Roy smiled. “Now it's just her who tells me that. Well, her and Fullmetal.”

 

“You love her right?” Hughes asked, leaning forward as Roy's eyes flashed to look at his friend. They sat in silence for a few seconds before Hughes continued. “I'll take that as a yes.”

 

“I don't know. What's your point with this?”

 

“She loves you. I've been telling you that for years.”

 

“And I still think you're full of shit. She can't seriously love me; I just caught her off guard.”

 

“You caught her off guard? She's the one who dragged you into her apartment, right?” Hughes said with a small chuckle. “Lets look at this another way. She's followed you faithfully for years.” Roy nodded. “Protecting you from your unthinking actions, right?”

 

“Yes…” Roy agreed hesitantly.

 

“Whether you two are… in a relationship or not, she'll always be in danger when around you.”

 

“So I should get her to leave?”

 

Hughes laughed at him. “Get her to leave? You're forgetting that she will do whatever it takes to keep you safe and to her, leaving you to defend yourself would most definitely not be keeping you safe.”

 

Roy hated to admit it but Hughes was right. It would be much safer to keep her close so he could watch over her as she protected him. It wasn't exactly a physical attack on her that he feared - she could defend herself quite well with her weapons. It was an action by the military he feared most. If a higher up found out that he even tended to favor her, much less had had a physical relationship with her, the repercussions to her career and life would be severe. As an alchemist and a man, such things were the slightest bit more `understandable' than for the female participant.

 

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Havoc glanced at the door to the Colonel's office. “He's been in there talking on the phone for the last half hour. Who could he be talking to for that long? You know, with Hughes… gone.” His smoking cigarette hung limply from his lips and his heels were propped up on his desk. He tilted his head back and watched the trail of smoke floating to the ceiling.

 

“He can't be on the phone. The phones in our building have been disconnected for the day so the main line wiring can be replaced.” Fury piped up, looking up from his magazine.

 

“So who's he talking to?”

 

“We're all here and Hawkeye's at target practice...” Havoc said glancing around the room. Breda and Falman looked up from their chess game.

 

“It can't be Full Metal or there'd be more yelling,” Breda stated.

 

“And it can't be Armstrong - there aren't any sparkles.” Falman reasoned.

 

“So who is he talking to?” Havoc asked again.

 

“Who is whom talking to, lieutenant?” Hawkeye came into the office and set her pistols on her desk. The chessboard and magazine disappeared and pens were instantly scribbling on neglected paperwork. The only person who hadn't returned to work was Havoc. He still sat smoking his cigarette with feet on the desk watching Hawkeye retrieve her materials for cleaning her weapons.

 

“The chief.” He said gesturing with his head to the Colonel's door. “He'd been in there talking since you left but we don't think there's anyone else in there.”

 

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“How do you know when you're in love with someone?”

 

Hughes tipped his head as if carefully watching Roy before giving his reply. “You just do.”

 

“That doesn't help…”

 

“What do you feel like when you're with her - not what you felt during sex, but just in her presence?”

 

“It used to be so comfortable; she knows me so well that she didn't even need to talk to me… except to remind me about paperwork.” He gave a small smirk that quickly disappeared with his next statement. “Since your death, it's been different. Loosing you, made me more appreciative of what I still have. More appreciative of her. When she's in the room I can feel her every movement; her every action. I don't even need to see her, I can tell it's her by just the sound of her footsteps or just her breathing. Without her with me, I'm nervous; I need to know where she is and that she's safe. I miss her.”

 

"How often do you think about her?” Hughes asked, gauging Roy's expressions.

 

“When she's in the room or when I'm alone?”

 

“Both.”

 

“What's she wearing?” Roy asked suggestively with his old smirk.

 

“You're stalling Roy. Just answer the question.”

 

“A lot. When she's in the room within my sight, I think about her constantly, especially if I can catch the scent of her perfume. When I'm alone I find myself looking around for her and when I realize she's not there, I want to know what she's doing. I listen for one of her quiet prompts or a dry comment that I should be doing something productive.”

 

“And if she were gone?”

 

Roy was silent, a sickened look on his face.

 

“What if she were to date another man?”

 

“No.” His gaze was cold. “I…”

 

With a soft sigh, Hughes arose and approached Roy, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You're jealous. Of a non-existent man. You, my friend, are in love.”

 

“Is it supposed to hurt this much?”

 

“For you, probably. You never were one to do things the easy way. You fell for the woman who loves you the most, regardless of who she is. Unfortunately she's one of the few women you can't be with.”

 

“I don't know about the loving me part, but she's definitely the one woman just out of reach…” Roy lowered his head and sighed. “I can't get her out of my head, Hughes. She's so…” he couldn't even find the words do describe her.

 

“You could always transfer her to another department. The only reason you can't have her is because she's your subordinate.” The figure of Hughes walked back toward the couch and settled onto the worn brown leather.

 

“Right before you died, I considered transferring her to your command and asking you to assign her to work with me.” Roy admitted. “If I try that now, not only do I not know who I could safely transfer her under, she'd probably shoot me for trying.”

 

“If you're lucky she'd aim for an arm or leg and not directly between your legs. But I think she's rather fond of that part of you, so you're probably safe there.”

 

Roy groaned and banged his head on his desk. “For a dead man, you're not much help.”

 

“You thought, as a dead guy, I would be?” Hughes asked with his disgustingly annoying smile.

 

“Don't you have special powers or something? Can't you snap your fingers and make it all work out?” Roy grumbled. Impatiently, he stood and looked out the window, watching military figures walking between the buildings.

 

Hughes snickered. “Snapping fingers is your area. And if I could get whatever I wanted that way, I'd be alive right now.”

 

“Why do I end up with the defective dead guy? A witty, defective dead guy.”

 

“Try to remember I'm not a ghost.”

 

“Yeah, I know. You're all in my head.” Silence filled the room for a moment. Roy turned from the window to study the figure still sitting comfortably on his couch.

 

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Leaving her guns and cleaning supplies lying out on her desk, Riza leaned against it and stared at the closed door of her commanding officer's office, as if she could see through the solid wood. What they'd done last night… it was even better than any of her fantasies. She didn't regret it… hell, she'd been dreaming of it for a very long time now and he'd just looked so hurt when she didn't return his kiss that she couldn't help but pull him into the privacy of her apartment to show him how she really felt. Things had just gone a bit further than she'd originally intended - she'd only wanted to kiss him once more to show him how wrong his assumption had been, but she quickly found she couldn't stop with just that. He tasted so good, a combination of mint and coffee and he was such a skillful kisser, tempting and tantalizing her with his tongue, teasing her and leaving her praying for more.

 

And his hands were magic. Roaming her body, he managed to find every sweet spot she knew she had, as well as one or two previously unknown to her. Yes it had been quick, but it wasn't supposed to be a drawn out sign of affection, it was a quick fuck to satisfy a mutual need.

 

No, she had no regrets about what they'd done and it had been good, oh so good, scratching an itch that had become insufferable. Damn, just thinking about it now got her hot again. But she would have to live with just the memory; they couldn't do it again, they'd already tempted fate with that spur-of-the-moment action.

 

`A really, really good spur-of-the-moment action.' A small voice inside her prodded.

 

Yes it was, but things this morning had been somewhat awkward, neither speaking other than the usual morning trivialities and not really looking each other either. At least she hadn't felt the overwhelming urge to jump him. At least not yet. But she really hadn't been in the room with him alone, either.

 

Did he regret what they'd done? He may have kissed her first, but she was the one who took control from there. After all, the man would chase anything in a skirt, there was no way he would refuse a willing woman wrapped around him. Even if it was her.

 

Sigh. It was a one time thing, she reminded herself. Even if by some incredible chance he was willing to be with her again, it was not something they should risk. There were any number of women willing to give him what he wanted, and more. Women he could be seen with, women he could take to dinner and a show, and women who he would be able to take to his bed every night, able to be seen leaving his apartment when day came.

 

Women who wouldn't destroy his career.

 

Besides, there was nothing she could give him that he couldn't get from any other woman. So she would continue to protect him; perhaps the only thing she could do that set her apart.

 

And he needed her protection now. He'd been different since Hughes death. For all she knew, she had changed as well, but there was nothing she could do about that. It was him she worried about and if he was currently in his office talking to himself…

 

Taking a deep breath she gathered a stack of papers from the corner of her desk. She'd have to face him eventually so she might as well do it now. And while she would treasure the memories of last evening, hopefully they could both act like it had never happened.

 

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“She whimpered, Hughes.” Roy said softly, his mind currently unable to think of anything else but that sound. She'd fit so well in his arms

 

“Riza? I can't imagine that sort of noise ever coming from her.”

 

“It was the most… the most unbelievably erotic thing I've ever heard. And it was because of me, because of how I touched her. The strongest woman I've ever met whimpered at my touch.” The old smirk was, once again, back on his face.

 

“If she finds out you talk about her, she is going to be really pissed.”

 

“As you said before, I'm talking to a figment of my imagination. Who's going to tell her? The couch?”

 

“So what are you going to do about it?”

 

Sigh. “I don't know. She implied it was just a one time thing.”

 

“What do you think?”

 

“I want more. I want more of her. I know we can't - that we shouldn't, but I want her more than ever. I need her Maes.” Roy's eyes closed, leaving an anguished look on his face.

 

“It's a very dangerous idea, Roy. Are you sure you're thinking with the right head? Try to remember this can be used against you if this sort of thing is discovered. And if you've pissed off the wrong people, and doubtlessly you have, this could even end up with you in the stockade. As for what they'll do with her… are you willing to risk this? Everything you've worked for. Is it worth endangering your lives for it?”

 

Roy's head fell back into his hands. “I don't know Hughes. The thought of only seeing her at work, never able to kiss her or touch her or smell her again is like torture. I thought as a one-time thing, once would be okay, but I want her even more. And it's not just her body. I need her support to make my way to the top and I need to know she's safe.”

 

“How much is she worth to you?” Silence once again filled the room as the two men looked at each other. “That much, huh?”

 

“Yeah, that much.” Roy said softly.

 

The soft tap at his door pulled his attention away from his conversation, and before he even realized it, he had called out for the person to enter. The door swung open to reveal his 1st Lieutenant with another stack of papers in hand. She stood in the doorway, hesitantly looking around the room. “Sir? Who were you talking to?”

 

Roy glanced back to the couch to find it unoccupied. “Ummm…”

 

TBC