Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ This is Me ❯ Part One ( Chapter 1 )

This Is Me - Part One - Tasuki

My name is Tasuki Boshi. I'm a regular high school kid. Trying to keep a job for more than a month, listening to music that drives the 'rents insane, partying and drinking and trying to get away with smoking in the bedroom, sneaking the keys to the car whenever possible....

I have my best friend Duo. Usually he's the kid burning the CDs for me to annoy my parents with, not to mention supplying the cigs and beer.

He's working for some big-ass company with the computers there. Some fucking kid-computer genius or something and he gets paid one hundred dollars an hour, so he's got mola to spare.

Then there's his friend Heero.

Okay, let's cut to the chase. I'm gay.

There.

I said it.

Are you happy now?

I'm gay, so's Duo, and so is Heero.

They've been going out for almost five months now and as Duo announces each week, I grow more and more jealous of their little relationship.

But what can I say? I'm a senior who has never had a boyfriend before. There is a little understanding for jealous, in my opinion.

I may not have a boyfriend, however I do have the crush....

Tamahome. Okay, okay. He's a big-ass jock and has the girls swooning, but when he runs in those tight football pants.... Hell, the hotness just pours of his body in buckets and I'm lost in the sea.

Not to mention he's the sweetest dude on the planet. Bringing flowers to girls who are feeling down and joking with you and trying to cheer you up if you weren't having a good day....

He's just the perfect man.

Last guy you should probably know is Wufei.

Wufei is a loser. It's like he has a neon sign that flashes above his head. I want to murder the ignoramus.

Ou. I used a big word. Go me.

So, yeah.

That's that.

Then there are the female rivals.

Relena, Duo's worst enemy. The girl's had a damn crush on Heero since the sixth grade and why she follows through with it, even though she saw my two buds kissing in the hall, is

beyond me, but hell, it's not really any of my business. The only time I mention her is when Duo and me get on a girl-bashing fling.

Then we rip her up pretty bad.

And Miaka is my worst enemy. She is also vying for Tamahome's attention. Yet he seems torn between us. I don't know if he's bi or straight or what, but I wished he'd make up his damn mind. Half the time he ignores me for her, then the other half he ignores her for me.

What. The. Hell.

It gets really damn annoying after a while, let me tell you.

If I die young, it's going to be from her and not the drugs.

Yeah, so anyway, I was just chillin' with my buds, walking to the parking lot.

It was Friday. I was happy. Duo, Heero, a chic-friend of ours named Misato, and I were going to go out to dinner and movies tonight.

I always loved it when we did this 'cause I loved to be away from my parents.

They drove me up a fucking wall.

I can't wait for this year to be over so I can get the hell away.

"You're going to have to be cultured," Duo teased Heero as they walked across the blacktop, hand in hand.

Heero rolled his eyes. "I don't see why we put on this fucking play for you're parents. Just tell 'em you're gay and get it over with."

Duo fell silent and I knew what he was thinking.

Okay, okay. I said I never had a boyfriend. That's not true. Way back in the very beginning eighth grade Duo and I were going out. I know, I know. Sounds strange. Actually, it sounds damn disgusting, but we were.

His parents found out and had a fucking heart attack.

Duo made up some bull about how it was just an emotional time for him and he didn't really think he was gay and broke up with me just to get them off his back and acted like he was a womanizer since.

Yeah, okay, so I was hurt back then when he dumped me off like that. We couldn't see each other in forever and I really didn't want to.

We didn't talk again until the end of ninth grade when we were put together on a super fucking hard major grade project.

Now, a year might not sound like so long, but it was a year! More than a year! It was a long time and I was still mad!

But we had to talk to each other, and so we did.

We found out just how much we had in common once more and got into each other again.

Only as friends this time.

I shudder thinking about Duo as anything more than just a very close friend.

So now Duo's kind of traumatized of tellin' his parents jack.

Which I don't blame him.

"Please, Heero.... Not yet...."

Heero sighed and gave in as he always did. This was the biggest long-term argument they ever had.

Did Heero's parents know about Duo?

Hell yeah! And they adored the boy too. He was like the daughter they never had.

However things started to get real iffy when it was a sleepover thing and his parents got jumpy.

Why? I'm not sure. It's not like they can have kids or anything.

Maybe it's the AIDS thing, but I know that at least Duo is safe with drugs. Hell, he's even more than safe when he's trying to get high. The boy's a fucking freak when it comes to sterilization, not to mention he won't do too much, or sometimes any, of a drug that could kill you too easily.

I swear he's a fucking freak.

But I guess I'm going out of my realm.

"You wanna drive, Tasuki?" Duo offered, throwing me the keys.

"Sure," I replied, catching them.

Aw, fuck, he had the nicest car! Even Heero would rather drive his than pick him up for a date. I guess he's embarrassed by his car.

But everyone is embarrassed by their car next to Duo's.

He had a sleek, black, convertible BMW. Top of the line, leather interior, six-disc CD changer.... The works.

Sure, he bought it second hand, but the guy drove it, like, twice. I suppose that significantly lowered the value of the car because Duo got it dirt-cheap. Well, dirt cheap for a top of the line BMW. Only about fourteen thousand.

To top it all off he had a pair of fuzzy pink dice hanging around the mirror. Heero got 'em for him when they went on their first date....

See, now that's the power of money at work.

The damn guy works five hours Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, which right there is two thousand bucks. Usually he's working over time, which just means he gets paid more.

However he got a job like that I'll never know, but he has it and it shows.

I unlocked the car doors and Heero and Duo climbed into the back.

I started up the car and they started making out.

Heero was backed up against the car door, Duo straddled over his bent knee. Heero moved his leg in such a way that it massaged Duo's package and made him moan as they kissed and Duo was grabbing at Heero.

Of course, I knew that once I was dropped off they'd speed home, blast loud music, and give each other blowjobs or something.

Being single really was a bitch.

I knew they fucked before, not long ago either. Maybe a week or two.

It was a clever little lie they told on their parents.

Duo said he was spending the night at my house. Since our parents hated one another, Duo's would never call up and ask if he was there. Heero said he was staying at Duo's. Since his parents thought Duo's were assholes, they would never call over there, either.

Actually, what they really did was rented out a hotel room and spent the night there to have their little fuck fest.

I asked to be spared the details, but I guess that Duo's not one to be shy about his sex life, 'cause I got near all of them.

I got home and sunk into my room without a word for my parents. I finally found some cash under my bed and was quite pleased to find it to be forty dollars.

Enough cash for tonight!

Yes!

I grabbed a CD and put it in.

Dir En Grey.

Best rock band ever.

Hottest guys too.

Well, not quite. I guess they're in a tie with Gackt.

So I lay on my bed and contemplated life until I was told that Heero was here.

I shoved my money into my pocket and rushed down stairs.

With out a goodbye for my parental units, I greeted Heero with a smile.

"Duo fixing his make-up?" I asked as we walked to the car.

The top was rolled down and sure enough, Duo was applying eye shadow and held a little compact.

"Hey Tasuki," he greeted warmly.

Man, that bitch is always wearing the coolest clothes.

He's openly gay everywhere but for around his parents and has a black trench coat he wears over anything that might suggest he is so he can sneak out of the house.

That was also why he was doing his make-up in the car, not at home.

Today he was wear a black knit crop-top with a turtleneck that rolled over. His long chestnut hair was braided down his back and had black ribbon twined with it. He was wearing tight black leather pants that laced all the way up and exposed the fact that he wasn't wearing any underwear and high lace-up boots he had special ordered for his size. His nails were painted black and his wore open fingered gloves that stopped and frayed at the wrists and around the fingers. One would most likely consider him Goth.

However Heero wasn't Goth. Heero was...thuggish? He wore huge baggy pants and a sweater with no sleeves that boasted the band 'Orgy'. He wore no make-up besides blue lipstick. I know that seems intolerably odd, but it actually doesn't look so bad on him. The entire cuff of his left ear was pierced to the point where it could hold no more piercing. I don't know what you call someone like that. Possibly punk.

Oh well, its not that important.

I guess I'm punk. I don't know. I'm bad with the social classes of society.

I wore pants that were large, not quite so much as Heero's, but large all the same with a dark green and white cotton long sleeved shirt tied around my waist. I wore a white tank with a flared sleeve, deep blue net-mesh shirt over it. My ears were pretty priced up, most of which was done by Duo, and most of his done by me, and I usually wore cuffs or balls in my ears, usually together. I wore several fuck bracelets of multiple colors and wore one ring on my pinky finger of a snake biting it's tail, unlike Heero who had several rings on each finger so that his hands looked like a living mass of silver. Why did he wear them? I'm uncertain. I've narrowed it down to two reasons. It's either 'cause it's better for beating people up, or it's better to give hand jobs with. One or the other.

I slid into the back seat of the car as Duo snapped his compact shut and Heero climbed in the driver's side.

Heero always drove when they were together. I'd never seen, in the history of me, Duo drive when he was going out with Heero.

Hell, if it were my car, I'd *always* be driving it. Don't trust anyone else.

Duo slid in the old Everclear CD and laced his fingers up with Heero's as we drove over to Misato's.

She was wearing, as usual, her tiny little black dress with the small red jacket and high black boots and beret. I suppose if I were straight I'd be going out with her, but I'm not so we aren't.

She was really just coming along so I didn't feel so left out around Heero and Duo. I mean, come on, they did dominate the situation when one was alone. It's uncomfortable to be around a couple and have no one yourself.

"You guys have a beer for me? Huh, huh, huh?" she asked excitedly as we drove.

Duo popped open the glove compartment and pulled on out, handing it back to her.

"You know we always do."

I swear.... The woman.... She could beat a guy ten times over drinking and that was just insane. According to her she never gets hangovers but if I drunk a fourth of how much she did, I'd be in pain for a fucking week!

We pulled into the parking lot of our favorite Mexican restaurant and they hooked up the car so that no one would attempt to steal it. The damn alarm in the thing was enough to make anyone a mile in diameter from the car deaf.

I suppose that's the kind of security you need with a BMW, but I also suppose I wouldn't know.

I was always amused by the reaction of people when we walked into a place. Heero with his arm around Duo's waist was enough to sometimes clear a room. At least, if you looked twice at Duo it was. 'Cause then Heero'd give you this glare that I've only ever gotten once, and that was enough for me, thank you *very* much. When Heero wanted to be mean, he was malicious. Like I said, I saw him that way once. It wasn't pretty. People got hurt.

Yeah, Heero was the strangest character I'd ever met. I thought he was a tough-ass jock the first time I saw him. Then I thought he was a punk-ass bastard who would pick fights with people. The third time I saw him I didn't know what the hell to think. He was laughing the third time I saw him. One might almost say he had split personalities.

He looked so tough and raw and mean that you were almost afraid to talk to him, but I saw him around Duo and he was the sweetest guy on the fucking planet. He would take off his coat and put it around Duo's shoulder's if he was cold and pet his hair, nimble fingers playing lightly on his cheek, or feed him ice cream and giggle.... It was strange, to say the least.

We slid into booths and ordered virgin margaritas. Misato complained bitterly about this, but we weren't quite of drinking age yet. How then did we get the beer and cigs? Everyone has connections, you just have to find them.

Heero had wrapped one strong arm around Duo's shoulder, the other resting lightly on his 'margarita', and asked, "so, what are you guys planning to do when this year is over?"

"I'm going to California. As far as I can get from my bitch-ass parents," I replied immediately.

Heero smirked and looked a Misato.

"Well, I'm certainly not going to college immediately, if that's what you mean," she replied easily as she checked out a waiter's ass.

I suppose he was okay, but I'm not really into Mexicans so much. I like oriental dudes.

Damn Duo, that's one more thing he has over me. Heero's half Asian.

"Who is?" Duo replied, sipping his drink.

"I don't know what I'll do. I'll probably chill and party for a while. Bar-hop, you know," she winked. "How 'bout you two?"

"I want to take Duo up to Maine," Heero announced and Duo smiled dreamily. "Show him the mountains and such. Then maybe come back and go to Penn State for a while. Get off on art."

"Ah, that's definitely the place to do it, other than Carnegie."

"Well, I want to go where Duo's going. If he wants to get off on computers, we can both go to Penn and not be separated."

"True," I mused. Duo looked like he was going to die from happiness. They're damn obsessed with each other. I wouldn't be surprised if they got married.

"Hey Heero, didn't you get the new Incubus CD?" Misato asked out of the blue.

"Yeah. That one and Orgy's."

"How was it?"

"It was a total blow out. Sucked. The radio play songs were really the only good ones. I was highly disappointed."

"Oh?" she asked as Heero elaborated.

"Yeah. There was no depth what-so-ever to them. They all kind of sounded the same, too, which just further aided to me disapproval. It would have been okay if they had no depth and sounded different or had depth and sounded the same, but that was all I could take."

"Hey," I warned, Incubus being one of my favorite bands.

"I'll gladly sell it to you half price."

"Okay," I agreed.

"How was Orgy?" Duo asked, looking up at him.

"Exactly as the name suggests. A great sex CD."

Duo slapped him playfully, in mock anger.

One of Duo's greatest fears was that he would be loved only for sex and not for the person he was on the inside. He wasn't a fool, he knew a lot of gay guys were S&M and only in if for sex, he wanted something more. He wanted someone to love him.

"No, seriously though, I like it a lot. Especially since the members of the band are so damn hot," Heero replied, smiling and gazing down into Duo's eyes.

"Oh, you're in trouble now," Duo warned him.

"Oh yeah?" he replied, reaching down and tickling Duo's bare ribs and leaning in close as Duo squealed and laughed.

Misato and I exchanged a look that said quite clearly "lucky bastards."

We shared plates of fajitas and Heero feed Duo little pieces of chicken and beef interchangeably.

It was sweet, and yet undeniably disgusting and awkward for Misato and me.

So we resided on checking out any hot guy who walked in the door.

Heero ended up paying for Duo (Duo might never run out of cash, but Heero still had some pride) and Misato and I paid for ourselves.

We wandered into the nearby K-Mart and to the candy section and bought a bunch of it for the movie and for afterward. Duo and I were candy-a-holics and little more never hurt anyone.

Especially not us.

So, stocked up on candy, we made our way to the movies.

A few kids from school were there, but they ignored us. Lots of people were scared of us, not including Misato. She was pretty normal out of the four of us. The kind of person that is accepted in any crowd.

But Heero had given cause for people to fear him and Duo was his boyfriend and I wasn't exactly a picture of openness to anyone. We had our friends but they were often few and far between.

Heero bought Duo's ticket and I just hoped they'd watch at least ten minutes of the movie.

Actually, I shouldn't say that. Usually they were pretty good about making out in movie theaters. Often they were interested in the movie we were seeing. If they both thought it sucked, then they'd make out, but Heero prided himself on his knowledge of music and movies and it wasn't something he took lightly.

Misato tried to flirt with the guy running the concession stand and did a pretty good job of it too. Even slid him her number.

"He was kinda cute," I admitted after we realized that Heero and Duo were already in the theater and had left us to our games.

"He'd be a one night stand," she nodded.

"How can you do the one night stand thing? Don't you want to be in love?" I asked as we stopped in front of the doors to the designated theater.

"Oh sure, someday. Not now. Now I'm just fucking them for all they're worth. Isn't that what you're supposed to do?" she asked, shrugging.

"I guess...." I replied.

Was I the one that was messed up, or was it her?

^

The next day I found Duo in my room.

He said he *had* to talk to me *immediately*.

My room was a fucking mess. Potato chip bags and ice-cream boxes scattered on the floor, strew with the clothes and crumpled pieces of paper and everything else that managed to find its way to the floor.

So we sat on my bed. He looked so scared I wondered what in the hell had happened.

"Somethin' wrong?" I started as Duo nodded slowly.

"Yes.... Last night...."

I was patient. If he was going to tell me a wild sex stories, I was going to be mad. But he looked too scared to do that....

"Last night.... We were laying together.... Kissing and talking softly. I had gotten up to change the CD. I began to red-up little things here and there, you know, a little nervous. He always gives me the jitters. I'm always afraid I'm not good enough.

"But suddenly he gets up and wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my neck. It felt nice, you know, nothing strange.

"Then his lips tickled my ear and he asked.... He asked me to marry him."

I dropped all the trash I had just picked up and tried not to choke.

"He what?!" I cried, my voice sounding strangled to my ears.

"He said we should elope. Run away together."

"It's been not even five months yet! How can he ask you to do that?!"

"I don't know.... I'm scared Tasuki.... I almost said yes...."

I was surprised I hadn't fallen to my knees by this time.

He almost said yes?!

"You almost said yes?!" I cried in outrage.

"I love him Tasuki!" Duo cried as tears began to pour down his cheeks, the mascara trailing down with it like twin black rivers. "I love him so much! I want to be with him forever!"

"How in fuck do you know that yet?! You've not even been together five months! You're only seventeen! How can you know you want to be married?! How can you do that?! You don't even have a high school degree yet!"

Duo just sobbed into his hands as I stood, glaring down at him in total shock.

"I love him, I love him," he whispered over and again over as he cried.

I sighed and sat down next to him, wrapping my arm around his shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay buddy. It was just a little shock, that's all."

Okay, so it was a fucking huge shock, but a little white lie never hurt anyone, right?

Duo possessed himself of my waist and sobbed into my shoulder.

"Look, you guys should at least wait until you're out of high school, you know? You should wait until you're set up for college so you have some support. You don't have any money other than what you've been saving for college and you can't blow that, Duo. You know how much college means to you.... If you get an education in computers you're gonna be a fucking millionaire and then you'll have all the time in the world to get married. You know that. You have to continue with what you've got before you lose it. You're better than I am, Duo. I'm not going to amount to anything like you will. Don't fuck your life up with a spur of the moment decision."

"But I love him...."

"Yeah, sometimes the people you think are you're soul mates aren't. You *have* you wait until you get into college, Duo, you *have* too. You have to keep up your GPA. You can't throw your life away like that. Don't do that to yourself."

"What.... What if he doesn't want to wait that long?"

"Then he has no right to be you're husband. If the love is going to wear out if you're not married, then it's going to wear out if you are. I think he'll be able to hang on that much longer. You two can be married in heart, if not legally, for a while. You don't have to be married to be committed. Besides, most married people cheat more than anyone else."

Duo barked a little laugh and wiped at his eyes.

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive. If he can't stick with you that long, if he doesn't trust you, than he's bullshit and he doesn't deserve to be your husband."

Duo thought about this for a moment before wrapping his arms tight around my neck.

"Thank you Tasuki. I knew you'd know exactly what I should do. You're so much smarter than me when it comes to stuff like this." He released me and looked at me, wiping a little more at his eyes. "You think I'm so fucking smart, but anyone can memorize a book. Your brains come from the heart, and that's more important than any fucking memorization of a computer operating system."

I brushed the compliment off and lead him into the bathroom.

"You look like shit. We have to fix you up," I told him with a smile as he mocked horror at his reflection.

^

"Hey Tasuki, you have a minute?" Heero caught up with me as I walked to my car.

I turned and gave him a stony glare. "Maybe."

He sighed and looked at the ground. "I think I messed up."

I snorted. "You 'think'?"

"Okay, so it's obvious I messed the fuck up! Duo won't even talk to me now! I know I screwed up, okay? Could you at least hear my motivation and see if you could talk to Duo for me since he won't look at me?"

I sighed. His motivation would be interesting to hear....

"Okay."

He smiled gratefully. "Thank you. I suppose you know how I asked Duo to marry me?"

I growled. "Yeah. Don't get near the subject again. I don't want you fucking up all the potential he has."

Heero took a step back from me. "Look, I know, I'm sorry! It was impulse! I watched him clean up the room and something inside me just fucking clicked into place. Nothing in my life has clicked like that did. I felt like we were married. I want to be his husband. I suddenly saw myself with him ten years from now. I can see myself with him forever from now. I love him so damn much, you don't understand. Nothing's felt this right for me before. I was afraid of losing it...."

The last sentence was so soft I almost couldn't hear it and, call me a sap, but I felt sorry for him.

Sighing, I gave him an awkward hug.

"Look, Heero, you freaked him out, to say the least."

He laughed stupidly. "No kidding. He wouldn't sleep with me."

"Heero, he's afraid for himself. He wanted to say yes. Don't you see? He's scared of his love for you. He didn't know what to do or what to say, so he backed off until he could figure something out.

"You want to know what I told him?"

Heero nodded, almost shyly. I couldn't believe I was seeing this side of Heero. I didn't truly think it existed. He must love Duo a fucking lot to be so upset by this. So upset that he was asking me for help.... And being shy about it...!

"I told him that if you were really in love with him, you'd wait until he got hooked up with college. Which is true. As I said, if the love's going to run out because you're not married, then it's going to run out if you are. He has so damn much going for him, Heero, I will kill you if you ruin that for him. He could be something great, someone rich and liked. He has something to live for in life. I don't. That's why I'm not just going to stand here and watch you wreck his life.

"I told him that he should get into college first and that until then, you should be married at heart, if that's what you want. He's not going to cheat on you. You don't have to be married."

"I'm just so scared.... This is all I've ever wanted."

"Sometimes we lose what's most sacred to us. You have to fight hard to keep that. I think you can do it, Heero."

"Haven't I lost him already?"

"Hell no!" I cried, wanting to slap him. What kind of stupid question was that?! "He's just waiting for you to bring it up. He wants you to talk to him, tell him it will be okay. Tell him that his priorities mean something to you and that you'll wait until later. He wants you to explain yourself. That's all he wants."

"Really?" Heero asked, hope flooding in his voice.

"You love him that much?" I smiled. "You should have no trouble. Just do what feels right and don't push him too hard and you'll do fine.

"Heero."

"Hmm?"

"I hope, someday, I'll be able to go to your wedding."

With that, I climbed into my car and sped off.

I let the tears fall.

I didn't care anymore.

Maybe if the road before my eyes blurred enough I wouldn't be able to see and I'd crash into something and die.

I didn't have anything to live for like they did.

Nothing at all.

Why did I bother to keep it up?

I really don't know.... Anymore....