Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ [MSTing] The Light Of My Hopes ❯ Chapter 3
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Megane67 
Anime/Manga: Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Fantasy / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.07.2005 | Pages: 17 | Words: 8.2K | Visits: 288 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Fantasy / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.07.2005 | Pages: 17 | Words: 8.2K | Visits: 288 | Status: Completed
*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON FIVE)
EPISODE 41: THE LIGHT OF MY HOPES PT. 3
(A Sailor Moon/Escaflowne/Gundam Wing/Card Captor Sakura/Fushigi
Yuugi/Dragon Ball Z Crossover MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7, Zoogz and Lynxara
(megane67@rogers.com) (zoogz@yahoo.com) (lynxara@gmail.com )
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Light Of My Hopes" is the property of Tenshi Cat. She has given me
permission to MST her work and I greatly appriciate it. :)
* * *
(Door 6: It's a metal door with no knob. Before you can do anything, it's
yanked off its hinges from the other side by a tow truck.)
(Door 5: It's an old fashioned elevator. Both sets of doors open for you
as you pass through.)
(Door 4: It's made of dominoes. You tip the lead one over and watch as
the pile slowly lowers until it's half its original size and you step over it.)
(Door 3: It's filled with cute stuffed toys. You cuddle them for awhile
before proceeding.)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Ankh floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It's a castle gate that rises into the ceiling, revealing a
drawbridge that slowly lowers to the ground. You cross it cautiously,
looking for moat monsters.)
(Door .7: It's a swirling blue vortex. Suddenly a large hand reaches out
of its center and pulls you inside.)
Joel emerged from the vortex into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.
>THE LIGHTS OF MY HOPES: STORY OF COSMOS
Crow: Episode III: Der Wille zur Sauerkrauten.
>A black portal appeared in a forest and immediately two figures fell
>from the portal, collapsing in a small pile. Once the two people hit the
>forest ground the portal disappeared.
Tom: <John Rhys-Davies> Why must I ALWAYS end up on the bottom,
Mr. Mallory?
>"Ow," whined Usagi as Duo got off of her.
>"Sorry, I still can't quiet get used to that," Duo said while putting his
>hand on the back of his head and laughed sheepishly.
>Usagi got up and glared at him while brushing some leaves from her
>pants. After that she asked, "What are we going to do?"
Joel: So Central Park is right next to the Gates of Hell?
Crow: <Duo> Go mug that old couple over there. I'm gonna grab me
a newspaper and catch a nap on that bench.
>Before Duo can reply a book fell from the sky and landed in front of
>Usagi. She blinked once then twice to check if she was seeing things.
>Well, it's not like everyday a book falls from the sky.
Crow: Just Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Joel: This is what happens when Stephen King decides to skip the whole
"bookstore" step and just go direct-deliver.
>She looked down, and surly enough it was a book, she then bent down
>and grabbed the book. Usagi held it up to her face as Duo stared at the
>book intently.
Joel: <Usagi> Wait... I know what this is! People used to... look inside
them and stuff... before the NES came along!
>The book looked as if it was made of rough black skin of an animal, but
>it felt as smooth as glass. On the cover 'Story of Cosmos' was written
>in golden ink.
Crow: <Usagi> Damn, I wanted Harry Potter!
Tom: <Duo> This'll be perfect for my coffee table!
>Duo stepped forward and stared at the book in Usagi's hands and said
>in awe, "Oh my God,"
Joel: <Usagi> Hey, leave my deadbeat dad out of this!
Crow: <Duo> No, you don't understand! It's the Good Book!
Tom: <Usagi> Well, that explains why Richard tossed it.
>Usagi looked at him and questioned, "What?"
>Duo stared at her and answered, "That's one of the ancient books that
>were made since the beginning of time,"
>She still looked confused.
Joel: <Duo> Nevermind, we'll wait til 'Cosmos for Dummies' falls from
the sky....
>He took the book away from her grasp and explained, "This book tells
>the story of Cosmos.
Tom: <Duo> Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb...
>Many immortals would do almost anything to know what happened in
>the beginning of time and space, when Cosmos was born."
Crow: Even MORE immortals would do almost anything for the video
of the conception!
>Usagi stared at the book in awe as he continued; "There are exactly
>five books in all with this story.
Tom: Cosmos used one of those damned limited-print vanity publishers.
>The books tell the truth about what happened when Cosmos was born,
>how the universe form and how almost everything came to be."
Joel: <Usagi> And the cover says "Don't Panic"! That's a nice touch!
>Usagi nodded, but then pursed her lips together, frowned and asked,
>"Can we read it?"
>The great Shinigami blinked and said, "I don't see why not,"
Tom: <Duo> Screw our story, let's get lost in someone else's!
Joel: <Usagi> Yeah, not like anything's going on here....
>Usagi smiled as she took the book back and flipped open the cover.
Crow: <Usagi> Hey, who taped a "Maxim" in here?
>The pages were pure black, the whole story was written in golden ink.
>Each page held a distinctive power of the universe.
Joel: Page 462 is the power of bleach.
Tom: Geez, Cosmos doesn't care about giving people eyestrain, does it?
>Usagi licked her lips and started to read aloud.
>"Chapter one- Birth of Cosmos"
>She took a breath and continued.
Tom: <Usagi> Push, push, huff huff huff... push, push, huff huff
huff... huh, it just goes on like that.
>"Since the beginning of time and space, when it was all pitch black.
>Nothing was living, it was all dark, cold and dead."
Joel: <Usagi> Hey, sounds like your soul!
Crow: <Duo> And damn proud of it!
>Duo drew closer to her in order to hear her better.
Tom: <Duo> Speak up a mite, girly, I'm a bit deef....
>"But one day... a light came forth, born from the darkness, but the
>complete opposite. The Light.
<Crow> ...didn't take after its father very much.
>It was the true child of both time and space."
Tom: Doctor Forrester, Star Baby!
>Usagi swallowed some of her saliva, turned to the next page and
>continued.
>"The Light quickly took form of a creature of warmth, love and life.
Crow: Al Gore!
>Space and time gave their child a name, Cosmos. Little did they know
>was that Cosmos would create many things."
Joel: Like ham radio, autogyros, and the Quickening.
>"Slowly Cosmos learned of it's powers and created star seeds, the soul
>of the planets. To guide these infant star seeds in growth were the stars."
Tom: <Mercury, muffled> Yeah, ring a bell, Usagi!? NOW GET ME
OUT OF HERE!!!
>"Space watched this in amusement as time carried the orders of
>Cosmos."
Joel: <Time> OK, who ordered the universe with fries?
>"As the waves of time passed the star seeds grew bigger into each
>respective planet. The leader of the counseling stars eventually grew
>into what we are known today as the Sun."
Crow: They then discussed blockades of Naboo and Coruscant.
>Usagi took another breath as Duo came closer to listen to the story. She
>could feel some of his breath tickling her neck sending an electric shock
>through out her body.
Tom: <Usagi> Quit scuffing your feet, dipwad.
>She ignored it and continued.
Joel: <Usagi> *giggle* Come on, we gotta study! *giggle*
>"After a while little stars became moons which orbited some of the
>bigger planets, which provided more joy to the void of darkness."
Tom: <void as Jim Carrey> Joygasm!
Crow: Of course, with numerous stars orbiting planets, everyone was
already burned to a crisp well before they turned into moons....
>"In due time the planets became parents themselves as living beings
>that breathe and eat were living on them."
Joel: Sheesh, by that logic, a second-grader with lice is a parent!
>"By then the planets, stars and moons chose Cosmos to be their leader."
>"Space was still watching everything as time smiled greatly at them."
>Usagi swallowed another lump of saliva as Duo's intense breath made
>her shiver in delight.
Crow: <Usagi> He may breathe icy but the minty is just not happening.
>"Chapter Two- The War"
>"Another year had passed and the living beings on the planets became
>independent and violent. They quickly drew war at their leader Cosmos."
Joel: <Time> I told you giving them television was a bad idea.
>"Space watched in horror as time tried to save its child."
>"After a year Cosmos couldn't take the negativity anymore and
>eventually she got killed by its own children."
Tom: <Cosmos> Kill me if you must, you're still not getting McDonalds
for lunch!
Joel: One too many "Are we there yets" were found at the scene of
the crime.
>Usagi breathed deeper at the death of Cosmos. Duo inhaled and
>exhaled slowly as she turned the page and continued to read.
Crow: Maybe they'll bring in Resusci-Annie for a threesome?
>"The planets, stars and moons got affected immediately. The planets
>cut their star seeds in half to mourn for their Light."
Tom: So THAT'S how circumcision started.
>"One half of the star seed remained to keep the planets alive as the other
>half created a special child for each planet. Representing each planet
>those special children tried to restore the peace that Cosmos had once
>made, they were the sailor senshis."
Tom: There were marked by their commanding manners and disturbing
short pants.
All: <singing> Sandy FRANK! Sandy FRANK!
>Usagi gasped, "Sailor senshis?"
>Duo frowned and said, "Not your friends, but the aunts esters of them.
Joel: <Usagi> Ewww, I don't wanna picture my Aunt Ester in a fuku!
>Hurry up and read."
>Usagi narrowed her eyes at him as she continued to read. Her hot breath
>made Duo feel comfortable as her voice flowed into his ears like sweet
>music.
Crow: <Duo, singing> Come to me my tenshi of music....
Joel: Man, what are the odds they would share the same carbon
dioxide fetish?
>"The moons created a special weapon of light to mourn the lost of their
>light, it was called the moon crystal."
>Again Usagi gasped.
Tom: <Usagi> Oh yes! Breathe on me again! I'm almost there....!!
Crow: Lucky thing she's not reading a harlequin romance or she'd
be ripping Duo's clothes off with her teeth by now....
>Duo sighed and said, "Continue."
>She nodded, turned the page and continued.
>"Before anyone knew it, space wept in pain, thus creating the Milky
>Way."
Tom: Cosmos immediately rubbed Space's nose in it and promised
the rolled-up newspaper next time.
Crow: <Time> I'll get the Brawny.
>"Time carried those tears across the galaxy as if it was weeping as well."
>"Stars dimmed to morn for the Leader of the Stars. Some stars even
>died in the process of mourning,
Tom: <star> We are the Cosmos Liberation Front Crack Suicide Squad!
Suicide Squad, mourn!
Joel: <Time> That showed 'em, huh?
>which created dead corps of rocks we now know as space junk."
Crow: And even dead, they still accomplish more before 8am than most
rocks do all day!
>"As time carried not only its pain but everyone's pain. The planet, stars
>and moons ignored the living beings that killed Cosmos."
Tom: <Poland> We ignored them too!
>"They mourned for a long time. Space kept its beings that were created
>alive in the barrier of darkness as time carried everyone to the end of
>eternity."
Tom: With layovers in Tipperary, The Ninth Underworld and Cucamonga.
Joel: Wow, time CAN do so much.
>"They all waited for Cosmos to return. Until that day they shall mourn
>and they still are for their light of hope, creator, friend and love one
>called Cosmos."
>Usagi turned to the next page only to find black paper with no writing
>on it what so ever.
Joel: <Usagi> *sniff sniff* Liquorice!? Damn, Mr. Sketch beat us to
the book!
>Duo looked at the black paper and frowned, " I guess the people who
>wrote this book never finished it."
Tom: Must've been fanfic writers.
Crow: Ouch.
>She nodded her head as she closed the book.
>Before another word could be said a hand grabbed the book from the
>above. Usagi gasped and looked up.
Tom: <Richard> DAUGHTER! HAVE YOU BEEN READING MY
PENTHOUSES AGAIN?!
>"Trunks," Shinigami said with a grin as Usagi was jumping up and
>down, trying to retrieve the book from the floating angel.
>"Hey," Trunks replied as her looked down at the cute princess trying
>to reach him.
Joel: <Trunks> Everyone always insists on running me up the flagpole.
>"Why are you here?" Duo asked.
>"Selenity-sama sent me," Trunks said with a smirk as Usagi took one
>leap and grabbed his foot.
Crow: Having a harem is nice. Having a harem with *superpowers*,
however....
Tom: Justice League Usagi! Coming this fall to Cartoon Network!
>"Mother?" Usagi asked in wonderment as she let go of Trunks' foot
>and dropped a few centimeters to the ground.
>"Ow," she said.
Tom: <Usagi> Curse these weak arches and flat feet!
Joel: Too much Malk in her diet, I'd bet.
>Duo was trying to hold in his laughter.
>Trunks smirked as he flew down in front of her. He then bent down to
>the angry Bunny and stared into her narrowed eyes.
>Usagi frowned.
Crow: <Trunks> Want some nice lettuce, Ms. Bun-Bun?
Tom: *ka-click*
Joel: <Usagi> Want a shave, nerd-boy?
>"Now, now, a cute girl like you shouldn't be angry," said Trunks in a
>voice, which can cause any girl to die for. He slipped his index finger
>underneath her chin and lifted her head up a bit. Slowly he descended
>is lips on her milky ones, 'So soft,' he thought.
Crow: I see we have the return of Sailor Moo.
Joel: Meanwhile, she slipped her right leg underneath his groin and lifted
her knee up a bit. 'Too easy,' she thought.
>Usagi was in the state of shock as her face was tinted with a slight blush.
>Duo narrowed his eyes and frowned at Trunks as jealousy seared
>through his body.
Tom: <Duo> Carnal desires? I'm Satan, and I'm losing to an *angel* on
the basis of carnal desires?!
>He was quite unfamiliar with this emotion considering that he
>really never cared if Trunks get some of the girls. But this was
>different, very different.
Joel: This summer... you will believe... a devil can cry....
>~HEAVEN~
>"Selenity-sama I still insist that you let me go and protect Usagi-hime
>too," Quartre said in a half begging voice.
Crow: <Serenity> Oh, shut up and keep rubbing! You missed a spot
on my heel!
>The throne room was bright. Queen Selenity sat on her throne as she
>listened in amusement as Quartre, Hotohori and Allen trying to
>convince her that she should send them to protect her daughter, after
>seeing Trunks kissing Usagi, of course.
Joel: <Allen> We didn't know she was easy!
Tom: <Hotohori> Have a heart, give us a taste!
Crow: <Quatre> Trunks promised to stay true to me! When I get my
hands on that two-timing, son of a ....!
>"Believe me, boys, I'm sure Trunks is someone who is very capable in
>protecting my daughter," Selenity replied calmly.
>"By seducing her!" Allen exploded with emotion.
Tom: And you'd be the expert on that, wouldn't you, Allen?
Crow: <Hotohori> I've heard of a protection racket but this is ridiculous!
>They all blinked in surprise by that outburst.
>Allen panted in frustration but apologized, "I'm sorry, your Majesty,
>for my outburst but both Shinigami and Trunks are known as boys
>who flirt... a lot,"
Joel: Everyone must be horribly lonely in the afterlife.
>"He is right, your Highness. Trunks isn't such a good idea, he might end
>up hurting Usagi-hime," Hotohori agreed as Quartre nodded his head.
>Selenity sat there, emotionless, like a statue. She blinked a few times.
Tom: <Serenity> Processing... processing... processing....
Joel: This author could use a little more creativity in her padding.
>Slowly her mouth twisted into a smile. All of a sudden she laughed. She
>hadn't laughed since her daughter went to Hell, so the boys were taken
>aback by her reply, "You boys are quiet fond of my daughter,"
>The boys blinked in confusion as a small blush crept on their faces.
>Quartre was about to say something but got interrupted by Selenity,
>"Say no more. By the order of the Moon, Heaven and myself, you
>three shall go down and protect my daughter," she ordered firmly.
Joel: <Allen> Cool, I'll get the flowers!
Tom: <Hotohori> I'll get the candy!
Crow: <Quatre> I'll get the beer and roofies.
Joel: <Serenity> I beg your pardon!?
Crow: <Quatre> They're for me.
>Quartre smiled and sighed in relief, 'Usagi...'
Tom: Jesus, Quatre, you could've gotten a tissue or something first....
>Hotohori felt his heart warm up by the mention of Usagi's name.
Joel: <Miaka> Oh NICE. And what am I? Heavenly Hash?
>Allen nodded with great gratitude as the three bowed and walked out
>of the palace.
Crow: <Allen as Dr. Klahn> Queen Serenity is building a fighting
force of extra-ordinary magnitude!
Tom: <Hotohori as Dr. Klahn> She has our gratitude!
Joel: <Relena> I'll give her a great big hand... mwahahahaha!
>Selenity smiled at their disappearing form, 'Be careful my daughter,'
Crow: <angels> BECAUSE WE'RE THREE WILD AND CRAAAZY
GUYS!
>~NON- EXISTENSE REALM~
>Venus watched the screen intently when Trunks brushed his lips across
>Usagi's lips, "YAY! Love is in the air!"
Joel: Is there voyeurism after death?
>"How would you know?! He's a playboy type. He's probably going to
>flirt with every girl they meet," Jupiter said.
Crow: And five hundred mouse clicks later, he'll STILL get the girl of
his dreams AND nail eight other girls in the process!
Joel: Ah, true love.
>"And Shinigami's good?!" Venus snapped.
Tom: Good? He's the BEST!
>The other girls sweat dropped as the two continued to fight.
>Galixia didn't pay attention as she stared at Usagi, 'The planets choose,
>not above or below,'
Joel: Gee, you think Galaxia is a member of the Psychic Friends
Network?
Crow: <Galaxia> Relena's Horoscope for today: All the senshi are
laughing behind your back... KILL THEM.
>~EARTH~
>Trunks pulled back from the blissful kiss and smirked at Usagi's face.
Tom: <Trunks> Good, you're on the hook for a sawbuck...
Crow: <Usagi> Great, now I want to punch you in the gut...
Tom: <Trunks> That'll be another $40.
>Usagi forced herself to blink out of shock. She frowned at Trunks, "Do
>NOT do that, bastard!" she shouted as she grabbed the book, got up
>and fast walked away from Trunks.
>Duo was still frowning even if Usagi had called Trunks a bastard, he
>wanted to kick his ass bad!
Joel: But the little angel on his shoulder talked him out of it.
Crow: <Duo> Damn it... I didn't go through.... twelve weeks...
of... anger management... to blow... it... now....!!
>Trunks sat there with a grin while looking at Usagi's disappearing figure,
>"Damn she tastes good,"
All: <singing> Brown sugar!
>Duo felt himself going over the edge and was about to punch Trunks
>when he heard a scream.
Tom: <Don King> Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Save it for the ring!
Crow: <Leslie Nielsen> All I know is never bet on the white guy.
>"Usagi!" the boys said at the same time. Before wasting any time they
>ran towards the direction of the scream.
>They were now running in top speed, slowly they could see this tiger
>like monster except its strips are purple on a blue coating.
Joel: <monster> I wanna get a job in a rock 'n' roll band!
Crow: See folks, this is what you get when you submit the negatives
instead of the actual film to post-production.
>Usagi was sitting on the ground with the book in her arms trembling in
>fear, yet her face showed anger at the monster.
>The monster bared its large teeth at her. Saliva dripped from its mouth,
>it was so close to her that she could smell her breath.
Joel: <Usagi> *sniff sniff* Frosted Flakes?
>Trunks gathered his ki in his hand and threw it at the large beast. The
>ki hit the monster and launched it off its feet and into a tree.
Tom: <Trunks> That was for Baloo, you bastard.
>Duo went to Usagi first, "You ok?"
>Usagi eyes showed hurt and fear; "Now I am,"
>Her eyes made Duo's blood boil in hatred towards the monster. He got
>up and glared at the tiger, his eye showed death towards it. His ki
>grew rapidly; little sparks of lightning came off of him.
Crow: Previously, his stance on the monster issue had been fairly neutral.
>His ki gathered in front of him in a ball of the size of a basketball.
>The forest grew darker and darker until the only light source was from
>the ki ball.
Joel: <Trunks> This seems oddly familiar....
>Trunks stood there staring at the powerful ki blast in shock
>as Duo released it and it flew towards the tiger. The speed of the ki
>ball was so fast that it kicked up dirt, making a trail behind it like a
>shooting star.
Crow: Well, SOMEBODY'S been watching Shaolin Soccer.
Joel: <Duo> I could tail-whip it, but it'd only decrease its defense!
>The ki ball smacked the monster into a tree. Dust kicked up near the
>impact taken by the tree from the monster. Dirt swirled around the
>area for sometime until dark glowing red eyes could be seen. With a
>roar the monster leaped towards Duo.
Tom: <Duo> I just had to be a smartass and park Deathscythe in the
white zone... Hey Usagi, could you run to the impound lot for me?
Tell 'em the check's in the mail?
>The deformed tiger could have squashed Duo if it wasn't for a strike
>of lightning from up above that caused the monster to whack into
>another tree.
Joel: <Raiden> Alright, that's enough out of you, Kintaro.
>Usagi blinked and looked up to see three familiar angels, "Quartre,
>Hotohori, Allen!" she shouted with glee.
Crow: <Usagi> Did you come to save me?
Tom: <Quatre> We're here to see that sucker Bailey. It's like taking
wings from a butterfly...
>The boys nodded their heads and smiled at Usagi.
All: <boys> Think non-sexy thoughts... think non-sexy thoughts....
>The monster got up and was about to attack when Trunks let go of his
>anger. The ki gathered throughout his body. Quickly when he felt his
>energy completely controlled he let it go and killed the monster.
Joel: Beastur, we hardly knew ye.
>It gave a powerful screech of pain and then turned into dust.
>Usagi bit her lower lip and tightened her grip on the book, 'Why
>couldn't I do that?'
Crow: Because biting your lip isn't quite enough of a facial grimace
to produce ki?
>"Are you ok?" Hotohori's concerned voice snapped her out of her
>thoughts.
>She looked up and smiled, "Yeah I'm fine," there was a slight pause
>and then she asked, "Why are you all here?"
>Allen smiled, "Selenity-sama sent us,"
Joel: <Allen> You forgot to clean your room before you were banished.
Crow: <Quatre> Here's your angel homework from the last two days
of angel school you've missed....
>She nodded as they walked towards the city.
>Duo frowned in anger since Usagi's attention was averted from him to
>Trunks now to other three angels.
>Trunks frowned as well, 'her lips were so soft and sweet,'
Crow: <Usagi, singing> I'm gonna be the most popular girrrrrrrl....!
Joel: Pretty interesting 'Elimidate' so far, huh guys?
>~MICHIRU~
Crow: <giggles> That wouldn't be Neptune now, would it?
Tom: <Michiru, singing> I am a rock... I am an iiiiiiiiiiiisland....!
>Michiru sat there on the balcony looking at the endless blue of the sea.
>She sighed and whispered, "How can this happen? When will it all end?"
Crow: Once the author finally goes to bed?
Joel: Or maybe after she runs out of characters to kill...
>She then placed her elbow onto the rail and set her head on her hand.
>She used her middle finger and thumb to rub her temples in order to
>calm her headache down, "So many questions and no answers at all,"
Tom: Michiru needs to lay off the Warrior comics.
>She closed her eyes as she listened to the waves of the sea for answers,
>"The Sea is in pain and the planets are lining up. What is the meaning
>of this?"
Joel: Nemo's missing again and it's got everyone on edge.
>~HAKURA~
Crow: So the author's completely run out of locations at this point?
>Hakura grabbed the side of the cliff and heaved herself up.
All: ROCK CLIMBING?!? NOOOOOO!!!
>She was panting heavily as she got up and stared at the forest below
>her, "Mountain climbing is good exercise,"
Crow: <Haruka> Now where'd I put my flag? Aw, DAMMIT!
Joel: Is this where Spock is supposed to be floating right next to her
now?
>The wind ruffled her hair, soothing her hot skin, "The wind is crying
>and there's no one to stop it."
Tom: That's rain, you doorknob.
Crow: Actually, it's Richard french-kissing you. Don't wait up for the
foreplay though.
>She closed her eyes and let the sun caress her skin, "They inners are
>dead and so is Usagi," she frowned, opened her eyes and shouted
>with anger, "WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING!"
All: <giggles>
Crow: <Haruka> I've climbed every mountain, forded every stream and
followed every rainbow! Now someone give me answers before I go
POSTAL!!!
>Her voice echoed through the forest below her. Birds flew out of the
>forest by her voice. Hakura sighed, "The stars are brightening and the
>moon crystal is no where to be found, what could it be?"
Joel: Well, it's just a guess but have you tried... the MOON?
Crow: <Haruka> Looking... looking... nope. Not up here. Should've
listened to Setsuna and checked out Amazon....
>~HOTARU~
Tom: Next on our tour of the universe is Sailor Saturn! Although she
has several rings, she's not taken.
Joel and Crow: <groans>
>Hotaru sat on her bed, staring at one of her lamps, "Is the end going to
>come?"
Crow: <Hotaru> Should I dress in white, start growing a beard and
wear sandwich boards downtown?
>She was expecting an answer and it came from inside of her head.
>She spoke to herself again, "Cosmos is coming?"
>The answer can only be heard from inside of her head.
Joel: Sybil? Who am I speaking to now?
Tom: Once she stole the Elsa, she broadcast it on as many frequencies
as possible.
>Hotaru nodded, "I will stay alive until that time," she promised to
>herself.
>Slowly the planet Saturn glowed an eerie colour of purple and it
>whispered in space, "Cosmos is near... it will come back to us,"
Crow: Then it glowed green and in big letters on the side it said "EAT
AT JOE'S".
Tom: In space, no one can hear you... period.
>~TIME GATES~
Joel: They killed Cosmos ten years ago. There's still time to save her.
Murder is forever... until now.
Crow: Yeah, that's what this fic needs, muscles from Brussels....
>Setsuna sighed in tiredness as she sat on her chair, "The time will come,
>until then Relena will not get to me,"
>"Are you sure, my child?" the voice of the planet Pluto asked.
>"Yes mother, I'll make sure that Cosmos will prevail," Setsuna
>promised.
Joel: <Setsuna> Optimus lent me the Matrix of Leadership, it'll be fine.
>She could feel the planet close its eyes and then spoke,
>"Live is but a wheel that spins over and over again. History would
>probably repeat itself."
>Setsuna frowned and shook her head 'no'; "The living beings won't
>announce war this time."
Tom: <Setsuna> They'll buy us out lock, stock and barrel.
>"Maybe not, but Heaven and Hell might," Pluto said.
>"Don't worry, I believe in my Light of Hope," Setsuna said with
>confidence.
Crow: <Setsuna> The batteries are good for another three months
at least.
>~EARTH~
Joel: Meanwhile, in Moosejaw, Saskatchewan....
>Mamoru walked down the streets hoping to get some air, but surprise,
>surprise he didn't finish his walk at all.
Crow: For the truck had returned to finish the job it started!
All: Yayyyy!
>A ki ball came flying out of nowhere and hit him dead center. He let
>out a painful howl as his golden star seed appeared in front of him.
Crow: <Charlie Brown> That's $50,000 advance and $75,000 on
completion, got it Vegeta?
Joel: <Red-Haired Girl, whiny> But Mamo-Chan just wanted
to show me his etchings!
>The citizens ran away from him when a hand reached out and took the
>golden jewel.
Tom: <Relena> Eat your heart out, Carmen Sandiego!
>~NON- EXISTENSE REALM~
>Prince Endymion floated for a while but then got pulled down and in
>front of a fuming Sailor Mars.
Crow: <Mamoru> Oh poopy.
>"How dare you show your face!" she screamed while holding on the
>collar of his cape.
>Endymion looked around him, just to see five angry sailor senshis.
>"I don't know what you mean," he lied.
Joel: <Endymion> I'm innocent, I swear to Richard!
>"You cheating bastard! We know everything!" yelled Jupiter.
>"Yeah!" Venus agreed.
>Endymion gulped in fear, "I didn't know that Usagi was going to my
>apartment,"
Tom: <Endymion> She was scheduled for tomorrow, the redhead
was today and the blonde was... wait, what day is today again?
Crow: <Jupiter> Judgment day.
>Mercury narrowed her eyes.
>"Come on guys. He's not worth it," Galixia said as she glared daggers
>at the prince.
>"Fine," Mars said as she let go of him.
Joel: <Mamoru> Y-Yeah! W-What she said! I'm not worth beating to
a bloody pulp! H-Honest!
Tom: <Mamoru> Of course, ladies, if we're all condemned to purgatory
for eternity.... there's plenty of opportunity...
>~EARTH~
>"So a ancient book fell from the sky, you two read it and then you met
>Trunks?" Quartre asked.
Joel: <Usagi> Well, first there was this empty coke bottle but we decided
to leave THAT alone.
>Usagi beamed at him, "Yep,"
>He smiled back.
>Duo glared at the back of Quartre's head in jealousy.
Crow: <Duo> Not ONE split end! And so shiny, it makes me want
to scream!
>"Where should we go?" Trunks spoke up.
>Usagi put a thoughtful look on for a minute, "A hotel or something,
>but we don't have any money."
>Duo smiled and said happily, "I'm Shinigami, therefore it's logical that
>I can make money." With that said he snapped his fingers and money
>appeared.
Joel: <Usagi as Robin Colcord> No doubt about it, this definitely puts
you in the lead....
>Usagi smiled at him as the boys frowned at Shinigami for steeling the
>blonde's attention, but they couldn't say a thing for he was at the same
>level as God.
Crow: <Shinigami> Hey, don't bring me down to Richard's level!
Joel: I'm getting this vague feeling that "forgive Mamoru" is out of
the question by now...
>Together the six walked into the city and towards a hotel.
Crow: <Usagi> Wait, does this one have a pool? Cause, y'know, I just
have to have a pool with my hotel... what about air conditioning? I know
it's kinda chilly outside now but it's nice to know it's THERE if and when
I want it. Now, regarding your room service rates....
Joel and Tom: <Guys> GET ON WITH IT!!!
>END OF CHAPTER THREE! OK, HERE'S THE DEAL GIVE ME
>AT LEAST TEN, AND I REPEAT *TEN* REVIEWS THEN I'LL
>CONTINUE!
Crow: <author> GIVE ME TEN REVIEWS OR THE FANFIC
GETS IT!
>R/R PLEASE! TENSHI CAT
Tom: Anna Quindlen says that Louis Friedman's new work is
derivative yet surprisingly fresh for the topic!
Joel: Asako Kishi votes 19-17 in favor of Iron Chef Morimoto.
Considers his dishes to be for grown-ups.
Crow: George Carlin declares human race to be f*cked. Roots for its
prompt destruction.
Tom: We'll mail the rest to you. Trust us.
(Joel picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater)
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Hey guys, lookie what I got here!" Crow exclaimed as he rushed
onto the bridge and slammed a large black book onto the counter.
"Hey, isn't that...." Tom began.
"Yep! The very same! I just ordered it off Amazon.com!" Crow
exclaimed as he opened 'The Book of Cosmos' and began flipping
through its black pages. "Now we can finally have all our questions
about the universe answered!"
"You dope! There's nothing written past the second chapter,
remember?" Tom pointed out.
"I beg to differ, Servo." Crow replied as he hoisted up the book to
reveal the words 'Second Edition by Alexandra Ripley' underneath the
title in gold letters.
"Wow, cool! Read it to us then, Crow!" Joel exclaimed as he and
Tom eagerly gathered around the smug robot.
"OK, Chapter Three- The Wisdom of Time...." Crow took a deep
breath before continuing. "Now, Cosmos needed a way to come back.
To that end, Time commissioned a series of "dragon balls" from the
Bradford Exchange. Time's subjects became aware of the proceedings
however and decided to make the whole universe so messy that they
could never be found...."
"Sounds like they recruited you and your room, Tom." Joel smiled.
"Messy? Dragon balls? This is theology??" Tom said, puzzled.
"Keep reading, Crow." Joel urged.
"The planets, still mourning, did not realize the extent of the plan.
Suddenly, such phenomena as smog, billboards, and bridges became the
norm. Cosmos, fearing an eternity in purgatory, decided to rename it
the "Non-Existence Realm"...."
"Yeah, I'll bet everyone notices the sign as they come in." Tom
snorted.
"Shame the tolls weren't non-existent, eh?" Joel remarked.
"Shh! There's more!" Crow shushed before continuing. "Meanwhile,
as Richard was consolidating both power and women, Cosmos decided
to stockpile sugar and also wait for his own women..."
"Sugar? In the non-existence realm? The hell, is he going to farm the
back forty infinity and cultivate in the NO-SOIL VOID?!" Tom snapped,
his annoyance growing.
"Time decreed no less than five women to the Ruler of the Universe;
this was considered both a perk of the job AND as hazardous duty...."
Crow continued.
"And here I thought Ataru Moroboshi was the most lecherous being
in the universe...." Joel remarked with a shake of his head.
"Ooh, listen to this!" Crow interrupted as he read aloud the next
passage. "By this time, Space realized that the star seeds did not have
any planters. As a result, Space played into the hand of Cosmos' enemies
by strewing satellite dishes throughout the universe. People were even
happier because television gained even more channels! Thus began the
golden age of Rogers Cable...."
"Ahh, the REAL ruler of the universe." Joel wisecracked.
"Oh, COME ON! It does not say... oh, dear lord, it DOES!" Tom
recoiled in horror as he read over Crow's shoulder.
Crow snickered as he turned the page... only to drop his jaw in shock
as he noticed the page was blank. "Aw crap, it ran out again! No wonder
it was in the bargain section! Those Amazon BITCHES!!" Crow snarled,
outraged.
"WHAT!? HOW!?" Tom gasped.
Crow turned one more page. "Wait... there's IS more! Wanna see the
rest of the story? Just send $19.95 for a free membership in the Cosmos
Kids' Club and... SON OF A...!!"
Suddenly, alarms wailed and multicolored lights flashed.
"Calm down, Crow! We've got FANFIC SIGN!!" Joel cried out as
he and Tom pushed a livid Crow back into the theater....
TO BE CONTINUED IN 'THE LIGHT OF MY HOPES' PT. 4....
Hiya! I hope you're enjoying this MSTing so far! As with my other
multiple part MSTings, there's lots more fun and weirdness to come, so
don't skip it or you'll only be missing out on some great riffing and skits. ;)
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON FIVE)
EPISODE 41: THE LIGHT OF MY HOPES PT. 3
(A Sailor Moon/Escaflowne/Gundam Wing/Card Captor Sakura/Fushigi
Yuugi/Dragon Ball Z Crossover MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7, Zoogz and Lynxara
(megane67@rogers.com) (zoogz@yahoo.com) (lynxara@gmail.com )
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Light Of My Hopes" is the property of Tenshi Cat. She has given me
permission to MST her work and I greatly appriciate it. :)
* * *
(Door 6: It's a metal door with no knob. Before you can do anything, it's
yanked off its hinges from the other side by a tow truck.)
(Door 5: It's an old fashioned elevator. Both sets of doors open for you
as you pass through.)
(Door 4: It's made of dominoes. You tip the lead one over and watch as
the pile slowly lowers until it's half its original size and you step over it.)
(Door 3: It's filled with cute stuffed toys. You cuddle them for awhile
before proceeding.)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Ankh floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It's a castle gate that rises into the ceiling, revealing a
drawbridge that slowly lowers to the ground. You cross it cautiously,
looking for moat monsters.)
(Door .7: It's a swirling blue vortex. Suddenly a large hand reaches out
of its center and pulls you inside.)
Joel emerged from the vortex into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.
>THE LIGHTS OF MY HOPES: STORY OF COSMOS
Crow: Episode III: Der Wille zur Sauerkrauten.
>A black portal appeared in a forest and immediately two figures fell
>from the portal, collapsing in a small pile. Once the two people hit the
>forest ground the portal disappeared.
Tom: <John Rhys-Davies> Why must I ALWAYS end up on the bottom,
Mr. Mallory?
>"Ow," whined Usagi as Duo got off of her.
>"Sorry, I still can't quiet get used to that," Duo said while putting his
>hand on the back of his head and laughed sheepishly.
>Usagi got up and glared at him while brushing some leaves from her
>pants. After that she asked, "What are we going to do?"
Joel: So Central Park is right next to the Gates of Hell?
Crow: <Duo> Go mug that old couple over there. I'm gonna grab me
a newspaper and catch a nap on that bench.
>Before Duo can reply a book fell from the sky and landed in front of
>Usagi. She blinked once then twice to check if she was seeing things.
>Well, it's not like everyday a book falls from the sky.
Crow: Just Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Joel: This is what happens when Stephen King decides to skip the whole
"bookstore" step and just go direct-deliver.
>She looked down, and surly enough it was a book, she then bent down
>and grabbed the book. Usagi held it up to her face as Duo stared at the
>book intently.
Joel: <Usagi> Wait... I know what this is! People used to... look inside
them and stuff... before the NES came along!
>The book looked as if it was made of rough black skin of an animal, but
>it felt as smooth as glass. On the cover 'Story of Cosmos' was written
>in golden ink.
Crow: <Usagi> Damn, I wanted Harry Potter!
Tom: <Duo> This'll be perfect for my coffee table!
>Duo stepped forward and stared at the book in Usagi's hands and said
>in awe, "Oh my God,"
Joel: <Usagi> Hey, leave my deadbeat dad out of this!
Crow: <Duo> No, you don't understand! It's the Good Book!
Tom: <Usagi> Well, that explains why Richard tossed it.
>Usagi looked at him and questioned, "What?"
>Duo stared at her and answered, "That's one of the ancient books that
>were made since the beginning of time,"
>She still looked confused.
Joel: <Duo> Nevermind, we'll wait til 'Cosmos for Dummies' falls from
the sky....
>He took the book away from her grasp and explained, "This book tells
>the story of Cosmos.
Tom: <Duo> Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb...
>Many immortals would do almost anything to know what happened in
>the beginning of time and space, when Cosmos was born."
Crow: Even MORE immortals would do almost anything for the video
of the conception!
>Usagi stared at the book in awe as he continued; "There are exactly
>five books in all with this story.
Tom: Cosmos used one of those damned limited-print vanity publishers.
>The books tell the truth about what happened when Cosmos was born,
>how the universe form and how almost everything came to be."
Joel: <Usagi> And the cover says "Don't Panic"! That's a nice touch!
>Usagi nodded, but then pursed her lips together, frowned and asked,
>"Can we read it?"
>The great Shinigami blinked and said, "I don't see why not,"
Tom: <Duo> Screw our story, let's get lost in someone else's!
Joel: <Usagi> Yeah, not like anything's going on here....
>Usagi smiled as she took the book back and flipped open the cover.
Crow: <Usagi> Hey, who taped a "Maxim" in here?
>The pages were pure black, the whole story was written in golden ink.
>Each page held a distinctive power of the universe.
Joel: Page 462 is the power of bleach.
Tom: Geez, Cosmos doesn't care about giving people eyestrain, does it?
>Usagi licked her lips and started to read aloud.
>"Chapter one- Birth of Cosmos"
>She took a breath and continued.
Tom: <Usagi> Push, push, huff huff huff... push, push, huff huff
huff... huh, it just goes on like that.
>"Since the beginning of time and space, when it was all pitch black.
>Nothing was living, it was all dark, cold and dead."
Joel: <Usagi> Hey, sounds like your soul!
Crow: <Duo> And damn proud of it!
>Duo drew closer to her in order to hear her better.
Tom: <Duo> Speak up a mite, girly, I'm a bit deef....
>"But one day... a light came forth, born from the darkness, but the
>complete opposite. The Light.
<Crow> ...didn't take after its father very much.
>It was the true child of both time and space."
Tom: Doctor Forrester, Star Baby!
>Usagi swallowed some of her saliva, turned to the next page and
>continued.
>"The Light quickly took form of a creature of warmth, love and life.
Crow: Al Gore!
>Space and time gave their child a name, Cosmos. Little did they know
>was that Cosmos would create many things."
Joel: Like ham radio, autogyros, and the Quickening.
>"Slowly Cosmos learned of it's powers and created star seeds, the soul
>of the planets. To guide these infant star seeds in growth were the stars."
Tom: <Mercury, muffled> Yeah, ring a bell, Usagi!? NOW GET ME
OUT OF HERE!!!
>"Space watched this in amusement as time carried the orders of
>Cosmos."
Joel: <Time> OK, who ordered the universe with fries?
>"As the waves of time passed the star seeds grew bigger into each
>respective planet. The leader of the counseling stars eventually grew
>into what we are known today as the Sun."
Crow: They then discussed blockades of Naboo and Coruscant.
>Usagi took another breath as Duo came closer to listen to the story. She
>could feel some of his breath tickling her neck sending an electric shock
>through out her body.
Tom: <Usagi> Quit scuffing your feet, dipwad.
>She ignored it and continued.
Joel: <Usagi> *giggle* Come on, we gotta study! *giggle*
>"After a while little stars became moons which orbited some of the
>bigger planets, which provided more joy to the void of darkness."
Tom: <void as Jim Carrey> Joygasm!
Crow: Of course, with numerous stars orbiting planets, everyone was
already burned to a crisp well before they turned into moons....
>"In due time the planets became parents themselves as living beings
>that breathe and eat were living on them."
Joel: Sheesh, by that logic, a second-grader with lice is a parent!
>"By then the planets, stars and moons chose Cosmos to be their leader."
>"Space was still watching everything as time smiled greatly at them."
>Usagi swallowed another lump of saliva as Duo's intense breath made
>her shiver in delight.
Crow: <Usagi> He may breathe icy but the minty is just not happening.
>"Chapter Two- The War"
>"Another year had passed and the living beings on the planets became
>independent and violent. They quickly drew war at their leader Cosmos."
Joel: <Time> I told you giving them television was a bad idea.
>"Space watched in horror as time tried to save its child."
>"After a year Cosmos couldn't take the negativity anymore and
>eventually she got killed by its own children."
Tom: <Cosmos> Kill me if you must, you're still not getting McDonalds
for lunch!
Joel: One too many "Are we there yets" were found at the scene of
the crime.
>Usagi breathed deeper at the death of Cosmos. Duo inhaled and
>exhaled slowly as she turned the page and continued to read.
Crow: Maybe they'll bring in Resusci-Annie for a threesome?
>"The planets, stars and moons got affected immediately. The planets
>cut their star seeds in half to mourn for their Light."
Tom: So THAT'S how circumcision started.
>"One half of the star seed remained to keep the planets alive as the other
>half created a special child for each planet. Representing each planet
>those special children tried to restore the peace that Cosmos had once
>made, they were the sailor senshis."
Tom: There were marked by their commanding manners and disturbing
short pants.
All: <singing> Sandy FRANK! Sandy FRANK!
>Usagi gasped, "Sailor senshis?"
>Duo frowned and said, "Not your friends, but the aunts esters of them.
Joel: <Usagi> Ewww, I don't wanna picture my Aunt Ester in a fuku!
>Hurry up and read."
>Usagi narrowed her eyes at him as she continued to read. Her hot breath
>made Duo feel comfortable as her voice flowed into his ears like sweet
>music.
Crow: <Duo, singing> Come to me my tenshi of music....
Joel: Man, what are the odds they would share the same carbon
dioxide fetish?
>"The moons created a special weapon of light to mourn the lost of their
>light, it was called the moon crystal."
>Again Usagi gasped.
Tom: <Usagi> Oh yes! Breathe on me again! I'm almost there....!!
Crow: Lucky thing she's not reading a harlequin romance or she'd
be ripping Duo's clothes off with her teeth by now....
>Duo sighed and said, "Continue."
>She nodded, turned the page and continued.
>"Before anyone knew it, space wept in pain, thus creating the Milky
>Way."
Tom: Cosmos immediately rubbed Space's nose in it and promised
the rolled-up newspaper next time.
Crow: <Time> I'll get the Brawny.
>"Time carried those tears across the galaxy as if it was weeping as well."
>"Stars dimmed to morn for the Leader of the Stars. Some stars even
>died in the process of mourning,
Tom: <star> We are the Cosmos Liberation Front Crack Suicide Squad!
Suicide Squad, mourn!
Joel: <Time> That showed 'em, huh?
>which created dead corps of rocks we now know as space junk."
Crow: And even dead, they still accomplish more before 8am than most
rocks do all day!
>"As time carried not only its pain but everyone's pain. The planet, stars
>and moons ignored the living beings that killed Cosmos."
Tom: <Poland> We ignored them too!
>"They mourned for a long time. Space kept its beings that were created
>alive in the barrier of darkness as time carried everyone to the end of
>eternity."
Tom: With layovers in Tipperary, The Ninth Underworld and Cucamonga.
Joel: Wow, time CAN do so much.
>"They all waited for Cosmos to return. Until that day they shall mourn
>and they still are for their light of hope, creator, friend and love one
>called Cosmos."
>Usagi turned to the next page only to find black paper with no writing
>on it what so ever.
Joel: <Usagi> *sniff sniff* Liquorice!? Damn, Mr. Sketch beat us to
the book!
>Duo looked at the black paper and frowned, " I guess the people who
>wrote this book never finished it."
Tom: Must've been fanfic writers.
Crow: Ouch.
>She nodded her head as she closed the book.
>Before another word could be said a hand grabbed the book from the
>above. Usagi gasped and looked up.
Tom: <Richard> DAUGHTER! HAVE YOU BEEN READING MY
PENTHOUSES AGAIN?!
>"Trunks," Shinigami said with a grin as Usagi was jumping up and
>down, trying to retrieve the book from the floating angel.
>"Hey," Trunks replied as her looked down at the cute princess trying
>to reach him.
Joel: <Trunks> Everyone always insists on running me up the flagpole.
>"Why are you here?" Duo asked.
>"Selenity-sama sent me," Trunks said with a smirk as Usagi took one
>leap and grabbed his foot.
Crow: Having a harem is nice. Having a harem with *superpowers*,
however....
Tom: Justice League Usagi! Coming this fall to Cartoon Network!
>"Mother?" Usagi asked in wonderment as she let go of Trunks' foot
>and dropped a few centimeters to the ground.
>"Ow," she said.
Tom: <Usagi> Curse these weak arches and flat feet!
Joel: Too much Malk in her diet, I'd bet.
>Duo was trying to hold in his laughter.
>Trunks smirked as he flew down in front of her. He then bent down to
>the angry Bunny and stared into her narrowed eyes.
>Usagi frowned.
Crow: <Trunks> Want some nice lettuce, Ms. Bun-Bun?
Tom: *ka-click*
Joel: <Usagi> Want a shave, nerd-boy?
>"Now, now, a cute girl like you shouldn't be angry," said Trunks in a
>voice, which can cause any girl to die for. He slipped his index finger
>underneath her chin and lifted her head up a bit. Slowly he descended
>is lips on her milky ones, 'So soft,' he thought.
Crow: I see we have the return of Sailor Moo.
Joel: Meanwhile, she slipped her right leg underneath his groin and lifted
her knee up a bit. 'Too easy,' she thought.
>Usagi was in the state of shock as her face was tinted with a slight blush.
>Duo narrowed his eyes and frowned at Trunks as jealousy seared
>through his body.
Tom: <Duo> Carnal desires? I'm Satan, and I'm losing to an *angel* on
the basis of carnal desires?!
>He was quite unfamiliar with this emotion considering that he
>really never cared if Trunks get some of the girls. But this was
>different, very different.
Joel: This summer... you will believe... a devil can cry....
>~HEAVEN~
>"Selenity-sama I still insist that you let me go and protect Usagi-hime
>too," Quartre said in a half begging voice.
Crow: <Serenity> Oh, shut up and keep rubbing! You missed a spot
on my heel!
>The throne room was bright. Queen Selenity sat on her throne as she
>listened in amusement as Quartre, Hotohori and Allen trying to
>convince her that she should send them to protect her daughter, after
>seeing Trunks kissing Usagi, of course.
Joel: <Allen> We didn't know she was easy!
Tom: <Hotohori> Have a heart, give us a taste!
Crow: <Quatre> Trunks promised to stay true to me! When I get my
hands on that two-timing, son of a ....!
>"Believe me, boys, I'm sure Trunks is someone who is very capable in
>protecting my daughter," Selenity replied calmly.
>"By seducing her!" Allen exploded with emotion.
Tom: And you'd be the expert on that, wouldn't you, Allen?
Crow: <Hotohori> I've heard of a protection racket but this is ridiculous!
>They all blinked in surprise by that outburst.
>Allen panted in frustration but apologized, "I'm sorry, your Majesty,
>for my outburst but both Shinigami and Trunks are known as boys
>who flirt... a lot,"
Joel: Everyone must be horribly lonely in the afterlife.
>"He is right, your Highness. Trunks isn't such a good idea, he might end
>up hurting Usagi-hime," Hotohori agreed as Quartre nodded his head.
>Selenity sat there, emotionless, like a statue. She blinked a few times.
Tom: <Serenity> Processing... processing... processing....
Joel: This author could use a little more creativity in her padding.
>Slowly her mouth twisted into a smile. All of a sudden she laughed. She
>hadn't laughed since her daughter went to Hell, so the boys were taken
>aback by her reply, "You boys are quiet fond of my daughter,"
>The boys blinked in confusion as a small blush crept on their faces.
>Quartre was about to say something but got interrupted by Selenity,
>"Say no more. By the order of the Moon, Heaven and myself, you
>three shall go down and protect my daughter," she ordered firmly.
Joel: <Allen> Cool, I'll get the flowers!
Tom: <Hotohori> I'll get the candy!
Crow: <Quatre> I'll get the beer and roofies.
Joel: <Serenity> I beg your pardon!?
Crow: <Quatre> They're for me.
>Quartre smiled and sighed in relief, 'Usagi...'
Tom: Jesus, Quatre, you could've gotten a tissue or something first....
>Hotohori felt his heart warm up by the mention of Usagi's name.
Joel: <Miaka> Oh NICE. And what am I? Heavenly Hash?
>Allen nodded with great gratitude as the three bowed and walked out
>of the palace.
Crow: <Allen as Dr. Klahn> Queen Serenity is building a fighting
force of extra-ordinary magnitude!
Tom: <Hotohori as Dr. Klahn> She has our gratitude!
Joel: <Relena> I'll give her a great big hand... mwahahahaha!
>Selenity smiled at their disappearing form, 'Be careful my daughter,'
Crow: <angels> BECAUSE WE'RE THREE WILD AND CRAAAZY
GUYS!
>~NON- EXISTENSE REALM~
>Venus watched the screen intently when Trunks brushed his lips across
>Usagi's lips, "YAY! Love is in the air!"
Joel: Is there voyeurism after death?
>"How would you know?! He's a playboy type. He's probably going to
>flirt with every girl they meet," Jupiter said.
Crow: And five hundred mouse clicks later, he'll STILL get the girl of
his dreams AND nail eight other girls in the process!
Joel: Ah, true love.
>"And Shinigami's good?!" Venus snapped.
Tom: Good? He's the BEST!
>The other girls sweat dropped as the two continued to fight.
>Galixia didn't pay attention as she stared at Usagi, 'The planets choose,
>not above or below,'
Joel: Gee, you think Galaxia is a member of the Psychic Friends
Network?
Crow: <Galaxia> Relena's Horoscope for today: All the senshi are
laughing behind your back... KILL THEM.
>~EARTH~
>Trunks pulled back from the blissful kiss and smirked at Usagi's face.
Tom: <Trunks> Good, you're on the hook for a sawbuck...
Crow: <Usagi> Great, now I want to punch you in the gut...
Tom: <Trunks> That'll be another $40.
>Usagi forced herself to blink out of shock. She frowned at Trunks, "Do
>NOT do that, bastard!" she shouted as she grabbed the book, got up
>and fast walked away from Trunks.
>Duo was still frowning even if Usagi had called Trunks a bastard, he
>wanted to kick his ass bad!
Joel: But the little angel on his shoulder talked him out of it.
Crow: <Duo> Damn it... I didn't go through.... twelve weeks...
of... anger management... to blow... it... now....!!
>Trunks sat there with a grin while looking at Usagi's disappearing figure,
>"Damn she tastes good,"
All: <singing> Brown sugar!
>Duo felt himself going over the edge and was about to punch Trunks
>when he heard a scream.
Tom: <Don King> Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Save it for the ring!
Crow: <Leslie Nielsen> All I know is never bet on the white guy.
>"Usagi!" the boys said at the same time. Before wasting any time they
>ran towards the direction of the scream.
>They were now running in top speed, slowly they could see this tiger
>like monster except its strips are purple on a blue coating.
Joel: <monster> I wanna get a job in a rock 'n' roll band!
Crow: See folks, this is what you get when you submit the negatives
instead of the actual film to post-production.
>Usagi was sitting on the ground with the book in her arms trembling in
>fear, yet her face showed anger at the monster.
>The monster bared its large teeth at her. Saliva dripped from its mouth,
>it was so close to her that she could smell her breath.
Joel: <Usagi> *sniff sniff* Frosted Flakes?
>Trunks gathered his ki in his hand and threw it at the large beast. The
>ki hit the monster and launched it off its feet and into a tree.
Tom: <Trunks> That was for Baloo, you bastard.
>Duo went to Usagi first, "You ok?"
>Usagi eyes showed hurt and fear; "Now I am,"
>Her eyes made Duo's blood boil in hatred towards the monster. He got
>up and glared at the tiger, his eye showed death towards it. His ki
>grew rapidly; little sparks of lightning came off of him.
Crow: Previously, his stance on the monster issue had been fairly neutral.
>His ki gathered in front of him in a ball of the size of a basketball.
>The forest grew darker and darker until the only light source was from
>the ki ball.
Joel: <Trunks> This seems oddly familiar....
>Trunks stood there staring at the powerful ki blast in shock
>as Duo released it and it flew towards the tiger. The speed of the ki
>ball was so fast that it kicked up dirt, making a trail behind it like a
>shooting star.
Crow: Well, SOMEBODY'S been watching Shaolin Soccer.
Joel: <Duo> I could tail-whip it, but it'd only decrease its defense!
>The ki ball smacked the monster into a tree. Dust kicked up near the
>impact taken by the tree from the monster. Dirt swirled around the
>area for sometime until dark glowing red eyes could be seen. With a
>roar the monster leaped towards Duo.
Tom: <Duo> I just had to be a smartass and park Deathscythe in the
white zone... Hey Usagi, could you run to the impound lot for me?
Tell 'em the check's in the mail?
>The deformed tiger could have squashed Duo if it wasn't for a strike
>of lightning from up above that caused the monster to whack into
>another tree.
Joel: <Raiden> Alright, that's enough out of you, Kintaro.
>Usagi blinked and looked up to see three familiar angels, "Quartre,
>Hotohori, Allen!" she shouted with glee.
Crow: <Usagi> Did you come to save me?
Tom: <Quatre> We're here to see that sucker Bailey. It's like taking
wings from a butterfly...
>The boys nodded their heads and smiled at Usagi.
All: <boys> Think non-sexy thoughts... think non-sexy thoughts....
>The monster got up and was about to attack when Trunks let go of his
>anger. The ki gathered throughout his body. Quickly when he felt his
>energy completely controlled he let it go and killed the monster.
Joel: Beastur, we hardly knew ye.
>It gave a powerful screech of pain and then turned into dust.
>Usagi bit her lower lip and tightened her grip on the book, 'Why
>couldn't I do that?'
Crow: Because biting your lip isn't quite enough of a facial grimace
to produce ki?
>"Are you ok?" Hotohori's concerned voice snapped her out of her
>thoughts.
>She looked up and smiled, "Yeah I'm fine," there was a slight pause
>and then she asked, "Why are you all here?"
>Allen smiled, "Selenity-sama sent us,"
Joel: <Allen> You forgot to clean your room before you were banished.
Crow: <Quatre> Here's your angel homework from the last two days
of angel school you've missed....
>She nodded as they walked towards the city.
>Duo frowned in anger since Usagi's attention was averted from him to
>Trunks now to other three angels.
>Trunks frowned as well, 'her lips were so soft and sweet,'
Crow: <Usagi, singing> I'm gonna be the most popular girrrrrrrl....!
Joel: Pretty interesting 'Elimidate' so far, huh guys?
>~MICHIRU~
Crow: <giggles> That wouldn't be Neptune now, would it?
Tom: <Michiru, singing> I am a rock... I am an iiiiiiiiiiiisland....!
>Michiru sat there on the balcony looking at the endless blue of the sea.
>She sighed and whispered, "How can this happen? When will it all end?"
Crow: Once the author finally goes to bed?
Joel: Or maybe after she runs out of characters to kill...
>She then placed her elbow onto the rail and set her head on her hand.
>She used her middle finger and thumb to rub her temples in order to
>calm her headache down, "So many questions and no answers at all,"
Tom: Michiru needs to lay off the Warrior comics.
>She closed her eyes as she listened to the waves of the sea for answers,
>"The Sea is in pain and the planets are lining up. What is the meaning
>of this?"
Joel: Nemo's missing again and it's got everyone on edge.
>~HAKURA~
Crow: So the author's completely run out of locations at this point?
>Hakura grabbed the side of the cliff and heaved herself up.
All: ROCK CLIMBING?!? NOOOOOO!!!
>She was panting heavily as she got up and stared at the forest below
>her, "Mountain climbing is good exercise,"
Crow: <Haruka> Now where'd I put my flag? Aw, DAMMIT!
Joel: Is this where Spock is supposed to be floating right next to her
now?
>The wind ruffled her hair, soothing her hot skin, "The wind is crying
>and there's no one to stop it."
Tom: That's rain, you doorknob.
Crow: Actually, it's Richard french-kissing you. Don't wait up for the
foreplay though.
>She closed her eyes and let the sun caress her skin, "They inners are
>dead and so is Usagi," she frowned, opened her eyes and shouted
>with anger, "WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING!"
All: <giggles>
Crow: <Haruka> I've climbed every mountain, forded every stream and
followed every rainbow! Now someone give me answers before I go
POSTAL!!!
>Her voice echoed through the forest below her. Birds flew out of the
>forest by her voice. Hakura sighed, "The stars are brightening and the
>moon crystal is no where to be found, what could it be?"
Joel: Well, it's just a guess but have you tried... the MOON?
Crow: <Haruka> Looking... looking... nope. Not up here. Should've
listened to Setsuna and checked out Amazon....
>~HOTARU~
Tom: Next on our tour of the universe is Sailor Saturn! Although she
has several rings, she's not taken.
Joel and Crow: <groans>
>Hotaru sat on her bed, staring at one of her lamps, "Is the end going to
>come?"
Crow: <Hotaru> Should I dress in white, start growing a beard and
wear sandwich boards downtown?
>She was expecting an answer and it came from inside of her head.
>She spoke to herself again, "Cosmos is coming?"
>The answer can only be heard from inside of her head.
Joel: Sybil? Who am I speaking to now?
Tom: Once she stole the Elsa, she broadcast it on as many frequencies
as possible.
>Hotaru nodded, "I will stay alive until that time," she promised to
>herself.
>Slowly the planet Saturn glowed an eerie colour of purple and it
>whispered in space, "Cosmos is near... it will come back to us,"
Crow: Then it glowed green and in big letters on the side it said "EAT
AT JOE'S".
Tom: In space, no one can hear you... period.
>~TIME GATES~
Joel: They killed Cosmos ten years ago. There's still time to save her.
Murder is forever... until now.
Crow: Yeah, that's what this fic needs, muscles from Brussels....
>Setsuna sighed in tiredness as she sat on her chair, "The time will come,
>until then Relena will not get to me,"
>"Are you sure, my child?" the voice of the planet Pluto asked.
>"Yes mother, I'll make sure that Cosmos will prevail," Setsuna
>promised.
Joel: <Setsuna> Optimus lent me the Matrix of Leadership, it'll be fine.
>She could feel the planet close its eyes and then spoke,
>"Live is but a wheel that spins over and over again. History would
>probably repeat itself."
>Setsuna frowned and shook her head 'no'; "The living beings won't
>announce war this time."
Tom: <Setsuna> They'll buy us out lock, stock and barrel.
>"Maybe not, but Heaven and Hell might," Pluto said.
>"Don't worry, I believe in my Light of Hope," Setsuna said with
>confidence.
Crow: <Setsuna> The batteries are good for another three months
at least.
>~EARTH~
Joel: Meanwhile, in Moosejaw, Saskatchewan....
>Mamoru walked down the streets hoping to get some air, but surprise,
>surprise he didn't finish his walk at all.
Crow: For the truck had returned to finish the job it started!
All: Yayyyy!
>A ki ball came flying out of nowhere and hit him dead center. He let
>out a painful howl as his golden star seed appeared in front of him.
Crow: <Charlie Brown> That's $50,000 advance and $75,000 on
completion, got it Vegeta?
Joel: <Red-Haired Girl, whiny> But Mamo-Chan just wanted
to show me his etchings!
>The citizens ran away from him when a hand reached out and took the
>golden jewel.
Tom: <Relena> Eat your heart out, Carmen Sandiego!
>~NON- EXISTENSE REALM~
>Prince Endymion floated for a while but then got pulled down and in
>front of a fuming Sailor Mars.
Crow: <Mamoru> Oh poopy.
>"How dare you show your face!" she screamed while holding on the
>collar of his cape.
>Endymion looked around him, just to see five angry sailor senshis.
>"I don't know what you mean," he lied.
Joel: <Endymion> I'm innocent, I swear to Richard!
>"You cheating bastard! We know everything!" yelled Jupiter.
>"Yeah!" Venus agreed.
>Endymion gulped in fear, "I didn't know that Usagi was going to my
>apartment,"
Tom: <Endymion> She was scheduled for tomorrow, the redhead
was today and the blonde was... wait, what day is today again?
Crow: <Jupiter> Judgment day.
>Mercury narrowed her eyes.
>"Come on guys. He's not worth it," Galixia said as she glared daggers
>at the prince.
>"Fine," Mars said as she let go of him.
Joel: <Mamoru> Y-Yeah! W-What she said! I'm not worth beating to
a bloody pulp! H-Honest!
Tom: <Mamoru> Of course, ladies, if we're all condemned to purgatory
for eternity.... there's plenty of opportunity...
>~EARTH~
>"So a ancient book fell from the sky, you two read it and then you met
>Trunks?" Quartre asked.
Joel: <Usagi> Well, first there was this empty coke bottle but we decided
to leave THAT alone.
>Usagi beamed at him, "Yep,"
>He smiled back.
>Duo glared at the back of Quartre's head in jealousy.
Crow: <Duo> Not ONE split end! And so shiny, it makes me want
to scream!
>"Where should we go?" Trunks spoke up.
>Usagi put a thoughtful look on for a minute, "A hotel or something,
>but we don't have any money."
>Duo smiled and said happily, "I'm Shinigami, therefore it's logical that
>I can make money." With that said he snapped his fingers and money
>appeared.
Joel: <Usagi as Robin Colcord> No doubt about it, this definitely puts
you in the lead....
>Usagi smiled at him as the boys frowned at Shinigami for steeling the
>blonde's attention, but they couldn't say a thing for he was at the same
>level as God.
Crow: <Shinigami> Hey, don't bring me down to Richard's level!
Joel: I'm getting this vague feeling that "forgive Mamoru" is out of
the question by now...
>Together the six walked into the city and towards a hotel.
Crow: <Usagi> Wait, does this one have a pool? Cause, y'know, I just
have to have a pool with my hotel... what about air conditioning? I know
it's kinda chilly outside now but it's nice to know it's THERE if and when
I want it. Now, regarding your room service rates....
Joel and Tom: <Guys> GET ON WITH IT!!!
>END OF CHAPTER THREE! OK, HERE'S THE DEAL GIVE ME
>AT LEAST TEN, AND I REPEAT *TEN* REVIEWS THEN I'LL
>CONTINUE!
Crow: <author> GIVE ME TEN REVIEWS OR THE FANFIC
GETS IT!
>R/R PLEASE! TENSHI CAT
Tom: Anna Quindlen says that Louis Friedman's new work is
derivative yet surprisingly fresh for the topic!
Joel: Asako Kishi votes 19-17 in favor of Iron Chef Morimoto.
Considers his dishes to be for grown-ups.
Crow: George Carlin declares human race to be f*cked. Roots for its
prompt destruction.
Tom: We'll mail the rest to you. Trust us.
(Joel picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater)
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Hey guys, lookie what I got here!" Crow exclaimed as he rushed
onto the bridge and slammed a large black book onto the counter.
"Hey, isn't that...." Tom began.
"Yep! The very same! I just ordered it off Amazon.com!" Crow
exclaimed as he opened 'The Book of Cosmos' and began flipping
through its black pages. "Now we can finally have all our questions
about the universe answered!"
"You dope! There's nothing written past the second chapter,
remember?" Tom pointed out.
"I beg to differ, Servo." Crow replied as he hoisted up the book to
reveal the words 'Second Edition by Alexandra Ripley' underneath the
title in gold letters.
"Wow, cool! Read it to us then, Crow!" Joel exclaimed as he and
Tom eagerly gathered around the smug robot.
"OK, Chapter Three- The Wisdom of Time...." Crow took a deep
breath before continuing. "Now, Cosmos needed a way to come back.
To that end, Time commissioned a series of "dragon balls" from the
Bradford Exchange. Time's subjects became aware of the proceedings
however and decided to make the whole universe so messy that they
could never be found...."
"Sounds like they recruited you and your room, Tom." Joel smiled.
"Messy? Dragon balls? This is theology??" Tom said, puzzled.
"Keep reading, Crow." Joel urged.
"The planets, still mourning, did not realize the extent of the plan.
Suddenly, such phenomena as smog, billboards, and bridges became the
norm. Cosmos, fearing an eternity in purgatory, decided to rename it
the "Non-Existence Realm"...."
"Yeah, I'll bet everyone notices the sign as they come in." Tom
snorted.
"Shame the tolls weren't non-existent, eh?" Joel remarked.
"Shh! There's more!" Crow shushed before continuing. "Meanwhile,
as Richard was consolidating both power and women, Cosmos decided
to stockpile sugar and also wait for his own women..."
"Sugar? In the non-existence realm? The hell, is he going to farm the
back forty infinity and cultivate in the NO-SOIL VOID?!" Tom snapped,
his annoyance growing.
"Time decreed no less than five women to the Ruler of the Universe;
this was considered both a perk of the job AND as hazardous duty...."
Crow continued.
"And here I thought Ataru Moroboshi was the most lecherous being
in the universe...." Joel remarked with a shake of his head.
"Ooh, listen to this!" Crow interrupted as he read aloud the next
passage. "By this time, Space realized that the star seeds did not have
any planters. As a result, Space played into the hand of Cosmos' enemies
by strewing satellite dishes throughout the universe. People were even
happier because television gained even more channels! Thus began the
golden age of Rogers Cable...."
"Ahh, the REAL ruler of the universe." Joel wisecracked.
"Oh, COME ON! It does not say... oh, dear lord, it DOES!" Tom
recoiled in horror as he read over Crow's shoulder.
Crow snickered as he turned the page... only to drop his jaw in shock
as he noticed the page was blank. "Aw crap, it ran out again! No wonder
it was in the bargain section! Those Amazon BITCHES!!" Crow snarled,
outraged.
"WHAT!? HOW!?" Tom gasped.
Crow turned one more page. "Wait... there's IS more! Wanna see the
rest of the story? Just send $19.95 for a free membership in the Cosmos
Kids' Club and... SON OF A...!!"
Suddenly, alarms wailed and multicolored lights flashed.
"Calm down, Crow! We've got FANFIC SIGN!!" Joel cried out as
he and Tom pushed a livid Crow back into the theater....
TO BE CONTINUED IN 'THE LIGHT OF MY HOPES' PT. 4....
Hiya! I hope you're enjoying this MSTing so far! As with my other
multiple part MSTings, there's lots more fun and weirdness to come, so
don't skip it or you'll only be missing out on some great riffing and skits. ;)