Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ A Story Retold ❯ Chapter 9

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yugi. The original story and
characters belong to Yu Watase. Any characters that did not appear in
the original story are my own creation.

Warnings: The story picks up shortly after the last episode of the
series. If you haven't seen all of the series not only will the story
probably leave you confused, but it contains some major spoilers as
well. This story has nothing to do with the OVA.

Summary thus far: Upon arriving for the second time in the "Universe
of the Four Gods," Yui and Miaka are again separated. Yui, staying at
the Kutou palace discovers that the changed events have affected her
more than she realized, and now she is expecting a child... by the
same man who raped her. Like before, Yui blames her suffering on Miaka
and resolves to again become the priestess of Seiryu. She gives birth
to the baby, a girl, and names her Yuiren. But Yui soon finds that
taking care of her daughter is much more work than she anticipated.
And if she continues to act in her frustration, Yuiren may suffer for
it. The priestess of Seiryu must come to terms with both her past and
her emotions.

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A Story Retold: Chapter 9
By Katrina Kadabra

"Lady Yui! Lady Yui!" Toki's calls echoed down the hallway of the
Kutou palace. It had been barely a week since Yuiren was born, and
already Yui groaned at the very sound of Toki's voice. Before Yuiren's
birth, she had visions of a beautiful little baby sleeping peacefully
most of the day, only to wake on occasion to show its adorable eyes,
play contentedly, and go back to sleep. Nothing like that. Yui
couldn't believe she would be so off in her speculation of things.
Yuiren did sleep, but she also cried. Whenever she wanted anything,
usually food, her long sobs could be heard right through to Yui's room
and Yui began to have serious regrets about placing the nursery so
close to her. Every four hours Yuiren needed to be fed, a very prompt
schedule that she never seemed to forget, especially first thing in
the morning.

Toki finally entered Yui's room, the crying infant in her arms.

"Lady Yui," she said, a bit out of breath. "She's hungry. Didn't you
hear me calling you?"

"I heard you just fine," Yui mumbled, pulling the blankets over her
head. "Doesn't that girl every stop? If I have to feed her one more
time, I'll scream!"

"It's not her fault her stomach's empty," Toki replied, pulling the
covers back down. "And if I may say so, Lady Yui, you really should be
paying more attention to her than you do."

"How so?" Yui asked, taking her daughter from Toki's arms and
beginning to nurse her.

"Well, whenever she cries, I am always the one who goes to her. I
change her and I comfort her when she's frightened or hurt. I really
only bring her to you to feed her." Yui sat listened to Toki's words,
but they did not phase her.

"You're her nurse, aren't you?" she asked.

"Yes, that is true, Lady Yui., but I cannot replace her real mother.
You and she were connected for nine months. She wants to be with you."

"Listen, Toki, I'm really tired. And if taking care of her is too much
trouble for you, just tell me and I'll get one of the other maids to
help out. I certainly don't want to burden you after everything you've
done for me."

"This isn't about burdening me," Toki sighed. "Your eminence, believe
me, I adore caring for her. But as her mother, you need to be doing
more than simply feeding her every few hours."

"I think she's finished now," Yui said, changing the topic quite
abruptly and rather tactfully if she said so herself. Toki sighed once
again. Seeing that she was gaining no ground in this argument, she
took the infant in her arms and left Yui to her rest.


"What! Toki, what do you mean you're leaving?!" It was only a few days
later, and Yui's shouts
were probably heard throughout half the Kutou place as she stood
dumbfounded at what at what Toki had just told her.

"Calm down, your eminence, it is only for a few hours," Toki assured
the flustered priestess as she pulled a shawl over herself. "I simply
need to run some errands. Besides, I would think it shall be good for
your eminence to spend time with her daughter."

"Don't call me 'your eminence' so much, you sound like Nakago," Yui
mumbled. "And that little girl is just reason I don't want you to
leave! What if she cries while you're gone?"

"She's sleeping right now," said Toki. "But if she does wake up and
cry, then you will have to decipher what is wrong. See if she's
hungry, if she's wet, or if she's hurt. She may only want a bit of
attention..."

"I can't remember all that!" Yui whined, rubbing her head. Toki's warm
smile was waning.

"Then I suggest your eminence write it down because I am going." Toki
turned towards the door. She had one more comment for Yui before she
left. "You really do need to take better care of her," she said. "At
this rate, Yuiren may become confused as to who really is her mother."

"That wouldn't be the worst thing in the world," Yui mumbled to
herself.


Yui didn't know quite what to do with herself while Toki was gone.
Even though Yuiren was sleeping
peacefully and her stomach was full, the number of possibilities as to
what could happen while Toki was gone welled up in Yui's mind, making
her completely paranoid. She reached into her schoolbag, pulling out
her English dictionary. Studying always seemed to calm her nerves.

"Guess I'll practice my vocabulary," she said to break the dead
silence of the room. Yui waited a moment and seeing as no one objected
to her suggestion, she opened to the first page.

"Commonly used verbs," she read aloud. "Starting with A. Acclaim.
Achieve. Adore. A... A..." Yui stuttered over the next word. "Applaud.
Of course. I can't believe I forgot that." Yui sighed. Her mind
couldn't be farther from her studies, but at least it gave her
something to think about besides the girl in the next room.

An hour passed and much to Yui's surprise, nothing had changed. She
was quite pleased at the possibility that Yuiren would not give her a
bit of trouble the whole time while Toki was gone. But the trouble was
only just starting.

It began with what sounded like a low cry from the next room. Yui's
heart stopped. She listened intently, hoping that she was hearing
things. No, it was soft, but it was definitely a cry. No deal though,
she told herself. Babies cried, after all. Yui would just let her be
for a few moments and she would go back to sleep. It took less than
two minutes before Yui abruptly rejected this theory, for as Yuiren
continued to be ignored, her cries intensified into screams to the
point that it was impossible for any real person to ignore her.

Yui slammed her book down. Going into that room was the last thing she
wanted to do, but it seemed she would not get a moment's peace until
she did.

Yui slowly opened the door. The piercing sound was louder from inside
the room. But on seeing someone enter, Yuiren seemed to calm down. The
tears still flowing, she held out her arms towards Yui. A sweatdrop
appeared on Yui's head.

"She wants me to pick her up?" Yui thought. "No, I'll just go over and
stroke her a bit. I think she'll be fine." She walked over the cradle
and placed her arm inside, gently rubbing her shaking hand on Yuiren's
chest. The tactic worked briefly, but only for the few moments before
Yuiren realized she was not being picked up. She began crying again
and Yui groaned. The sound was beginning to irritate her. Didn't this
child understand how inexperienced she was? How was she know what to
do to soothe her? Out of desperation, Yui reached her other arm into
the cradle and wrapped it around Yuiren's body. Her heart pounding,
she started to lift her from her bed, but as she did, Yuiren's head
abruptly tilted back.

"Shoot!" said Yui. "I forgot, I have to hold her head." She tried
placing one hand under Yuiren's neck, as Toki had instructed her,
although Yui admitted she hadn't paid much attention during the
lesson. Gripping tightly with both hands now, she sharply lifted
Yuiren up. Success? Yui looked down at her daughter. Her head was
steady, but the rest of her body looked like it was about to spill out
of Yui's arms. Yui was too nervous to try and reposition her, though.
What if she dropped her? Yui tried swaying lightly from side to side,
but the position was terribly uncomfortable for Yuiren, and quite
without warning, she kicked her
legs out as hard as she could.

Yui screamed. She could feel Yuiren falling out of her arms. She
quickly dropped down on her knees, grasping Yuiren with all the
strength. She was safe. But the event was still enough to scare Yuiren
into an inconsolable fit of tears. At this point, Yui wanted to cry
to.

"I don't know what I'm doing, I'm sorry!" she wailed. "I can't tell
what you want! I'm not ready for this! So please stop crying already!"
But Yuiren did not stop. Her sobs only intensified. To Yui, she might
as well have been driving her nails into a chalkboard.

"I said stop that!" she commanded, her desperation quickly giving way
to anger. Again seeing no result, Yui gave Yuiren a rough shake and
yelled, "Stop it right now!"

"Lady Yui!" came a voice from behind her. Yui gasped and looked up to
see Toki standing in the doorway.

There was no need for words to be exchanged. The scene said enough.
Toki quickly dropped the items she had picked up in the market and ran
over to where Yui was kneeling. As if it were second nature to her,
Toki placed one hand firmly under Yuiren's neck, supporting the rest
of her body with her arm. She used her second hand to hold in Yuiren's
tiny hands as her arms formed a cradle. Standing up, she bounced the
infant up and down a bit. Yuiren continued to cry, but the volume
lowered. Toki took a few moments before speaking to Yui.

"She's terrified," Toki told her. "Completely terrified." Yui hung her
head in shame. She couldn't look at Toki or Yuiren right now. She
couldn't explain what had caused her to act the way she did. Only her
desperation and frustration had suddenly exploded inside of her. But
that was no excuse. Not for what she'd done. And Toki was not about to
let her forget anytime soon.

"I must say, your eminence, I am both shocked and disappointed. I
would expect something like this from Nakago, but from you..."

"Stop lecturing me!" Yui said. "Don't you think I know how stupid I
was? I told you I couldn't take care of her! Why don't you believe
me?"

"I don't believe you, because I know better," said Toki sternly. "You
could do this if you wanted to, but the fact is you don't care to try.
You did a noble thing bringing Yuiren into the world, but now you
think that's the end of it. When you made your decision, you didn't
just make it for the moment or for nine months. You made it for a
lifetime." Yui covered her ears; she didn't care to listen to
lecturing anymore.

"Then maybe I shouldn't have made it!" she yelled. At those words, she
got up and ran as hard as she could from the room, leaving Toki
holding Yuiren alone.


Yui walked silently along the road leading into the main city of
Kutou. She wasn't sure exactly where to
go, she only wanted to be as far away from the palace as she could
get. Ultimately she found herself wandering into the marketplace,
which was bustling with its daily business of buying, selling, and
trading various goods. Yui tried to turn her mind away from the events
that had just taken place. How could she have said that? Those
terrible words. Were they genuine? Did she really wish that Yuiren had
not been born? Yui was afraid to go back now, she didn't want to be
anywhere near her daughter. What if she lost her temper around Yuiren
again and truly hurt her? Yui didn't think she could ever forgive
herself if she did that. Despite the crying and constant desire for
attention, Yuiren was still an innocent child. She deserved better
than that.

Yui was so busy thinking that she did not notice where she was going
and accidentally bumped her head into the person in front of her.

"Pardon me," said Yui, as looked up to see who it was she had run
into. A young woman stood before her who looked perhaps in her early
twenties. In her arms, she was holding a small child, still an infant
but much older than Yuiren. Yui gasped.

"Gosh, I'm so sorry. I really am," she said apologetically.

"It's alright," came the reply. "No harm done." Yui looked at the
infant in the woman's arms. For a brief moment, she was slightly
jealous. Jealous of from what she could tell was happy family. A
responsible mother who obviously felt very comfortable with her child
and knew how to take care of her. And Yui was sure there was also a
proud father waiting back at their home for them. While meanwhile her
home was in another world, and all she had to return to here was
grief. Yui was so wrapped in her self pity she almost didn't catch the
mother's comment to her,

"You look like the priestess of Seiryu." Yui gasped. She was a bit
scared to have been found out, but then again it seemed her outfit
gave her away no matter where she went.

"I am," she admitted quietly. "But please don't say anything. I...
probably shouldn't be out here." The lady smiled, seeming to
understand. Just then, her child began to open its arms, moving around
and forcing her to reposition him. Yui smiled back. She decided to
steer the conversation away from herself, her initial objective
anyway, and towards the infant.

"Your baby... um, how old is he? Or is it a she?"

"It's a he," the woman answered. "And he'll be six months tomorrow,"
the woman answered. Yui swallowed as she summoned the nerve to ask her
next question.

"Could... could I hold him for a minute?" At first, the boy's mother
seemed surprised, but she agreed nonetheless. Yui tried to be as
careful as possible and she passed the small body into her arms. She
went to support her head, but he lifted it on his own to turn around
and stare at her with large curious brown eyes. He was much stronger
than Yuiren, considerably heavier Yui noted as well. Gently, she
bounced him up and down, showing him a smile on her face, and
immediately he mimicked the expression with a huge grin and a small
laugh.

"He seems to like you," his mother noted. Yui nodded, and her smiled
broadened. As she stood holding this... this... well, how would Yui
describe him? He was another human being, physically speaking, but
with such a sheer sense of trust and innocence that it seemed to defy
most aspects of human behavior as Yui knew them. What else? He was
probably a pest when he was hungry, Yui guessed that much. But
cheerful when he was not. The world around him was still all very new
and strange, so Yui also speculated he had a strong desire to learn
and take in as much as he could. Dependant as he most certainly was,
he was still trying to become his own person and learn the ways of the
world, aided by the people around him and his nurturing parents.

At that Yui's smile dropped, her mouth let out a short gasp. Suddenly
it all made sense to her. About herself, about Yuiren, and everything
she had gone through. Toki's words to her reappeared in her mind, only
now they had a whole new meaning. Now Yui knew what she had to do.

"Are you alright, priestess?" she heard the woman standing beside her
ask.

"Oh, yes, I'm fine," Yui answered, taking a quick jump back to
reality. "But I need to get going now, there's something I have to
do." She quickly passed the boy to his mother and thanked her. Then
Yui turned back towards the direction of the Kutou palace.

"What good does it do me?" Yui thought as she walked along. "To sit
around and sulk all day about my situation? That's exactly what I did
before, and look where it got me. But still..." Yui's pace was now
quickening with each word. Without her even taking notice of it, her
body pushed itself into a full-blown sprint. "Still... I cannot allow
myself to pour my suffering on Yuiren. Toki's right about me, I'm so
wrapped up in own pain I don't even care if others are suffering. I
have a job to do, and I'm ignoring it. But
not anymore."


Toki was sitting and rocking Yuiren softly back to sleep when Yui
burst into the room. She didn't say anything, she only ran over to
where Toki was sitting and grasped her daughter in her arms with all
her strength. Yui's tears soaked the infants' blankets, but she didn't
take any notice of them. Toki smiled as she watched the scene, content
that this was how it should be. Yui swayed back and forth, pressing
her face up against her child's.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "Please forgive me. I promise I'll never
leave you again. Never." Yui tried her best to dry her tears, still
holding her daughter in her arms.

"I wish I could give you a better family," she said. "I know... if you
had the choice, you'd want a father who loves you and takes care of
you and I'm sure... I'm sure you'd want a better mother than me as
well."

"That's enough, Lady Yui," said Toki firmly. "It doesn't matter to her
what your past was or what your current situation is. She loves you as
you are, because you're her mother. And you...?"

"And I love her as she is," finished Yui. She closed her eyes and let
out a long sigh, as if to subtly admit her defeat that Toki had been
right about her all along. It was true; the circumstances weren't
ideal. Anybody could see that. But right now, Yuiren was all Yui had.
And she would treasure her, guard her and protect her with every ounce
of strength her body and spirit could give.
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