Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Everybody Loves...Seiryuu Style! ❯ Everybody Loves 2 ( Chapter 2 )

Title: Everybody Loves Soi: Oh, There's a Big Surprise.

Author: Alexa

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, but the sick sense of humor is.

Author's Notes: Those of you who know me (I think there may be one...) know that I work best on sugar and music I can't understand. Therefore, you know that since this was written on a bag on milanos and while listening to my brand-new Gundam Wing Operation Two CD (yay me!) this will be one of my best peices ever. I hope. Ok, famous last words.

I'm done rambling now.

Really.

Honest.

BTW: I wrote something for my school's literary magazine...anyone want to read and review? Thanks!

Ok, NOW I'm done.

Really.

Warning: Yes, major OOCness, but what did you expect with a title like that?!

Dedication: For Libby

~~~~~

Tomo looked around his chamber annoyedly. That painted prostitute had gotten on his last nerve. He opened his trunk, cackling softly to himself. "Ah, you trashy strumpet, time to suffer Tomo's revenge, kakakakakakakakakaka." After a few minutes of searching, he pulled out a rusty copper...thing. He grabbed a cloth, not wanting to mess up his hands, and rubbed it for a moment. After a few seconds, a puff of blue smoke issued forth and out came a near-perfect Nakago imitation, only clad in some rather Arabian-looking get-up. Tomo wiped the drool off his chin and turned to the genie.

"Whaddaya want?" The Nakagenie asked, his voice husky, with a Jersey accent.

"I demand that Soi find herself irresistible to all who meet her!" Tomo cried quickly, barely waiting for the genie to finish.

"Ok, yeah, whateva," Nakagenie said, snapping his fingers.

"Kakakakakakakaka..."

***

Soi rolled over and looked around her room. Empty. Damn. She sighed and climbed slowly out of her bed, picking her clothes up from where they lay in haphazard piles on the floor. 'What did you expect?' She asked herself. 'He never hangs around till morning...you're just his slut. Get used to it. Toughen up, honey.' She sighed as she pulled on her armor and moved over to the mirror to take care of her hair and make-up.

***

Tomo sat in his chamber, watching through shin as she walked around the Kutou palace, heading for the kitchen.

"Kakakakaka...everything is going according to plan. Suffer, you witless tramp."

Nakagenie watched him suspiciously from across the room. "Man," he said. "You got some problems."

***

Suboshi took the stick Ashitare held out to him and smiled. "That's a good boy...let's go in now and get some breakfast." He called out to his brother. "Aniki! I think breakfast is ready!" Amiboshi nodded and stood from his place under a nearby tree, following the younger twin into the kitchen.

Miboshi floated down the hallway towards the kitchen, thinking that there may be something small in there he could kill without getting yelled at for doing so. Maybe a rat, he/she/it/they mused. (Ok, I know Miboshi is supposed to be male, but I can never tell. Maybe his/her/their body is male, but isn't it how you feel in your heart that determines it, like Nurkio said? So, if he/she/it/they really feels like a woman or and it or a more-than-one, why should he/she/it/they be classified as one or the other? Ok, I'm done with the soapbox per fic now.) A rat would be nice.

Nakago, wearing a chef's hat, waltzed around the kitchen, stirring batter and humming the William Tell Overture, despite the fact that it hadn't been written yet, because he can traverse time and stuff like that (I'm jealous...). He loved it when no one was paying attention; it meant he could focus more on his true love; cooking.

"Dum dum dum dum," he hummed. Several squirrels, a vole, and a couple birds dropped dead outside the window as the sound reached their ears.

Soi reached the kitchen just after Miboshi, and looked in on a strange sight. Suboshi, Amiboshi, Ashitare, and Nakago sat around a small table, feasting on scrambled eggs, pancakes, and bacon. She slipped fast the floating head and sat between Nakago and Suboshi, looking at the food and wondering what it was. That was when she noticed everyone staring at her with a strange expression.

'I knew that new lipstick was too dark!' She thought, wondering how to get it off quickly and unnoticeably.

"Hello, my love," Nakago said softly, taking her arm and kissing up it slowly, á la Gomez Adams.

***

CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK "OW!" CLUNK

"What was that?!" Tomo asked in surprise.

"That was all the Nakago/Tamahome fans hitting the author with two by fours," Nakagenie told him.

"Oh," Tomo said.

***

"My goddess has arrived," Amiboshi said vaguely, his eyes taking on a glazed look.

"Soi-sama, can I get you anything?" Suboshi asked.

Ashitare whimpered.

"The end is near...let me inhabit your body," Miboshi said, looking freaky.

'Must...get...out...of...here...' Soi thought desparately. It was like some sort of bad dream. 'Can this get any worse?'

***

"NO!" Tomo howled as Nakago continued to kiss up Soi's arm.

"What? You said everyone!" The Nakagenie countered.

"Not him!"

"Too late."

***

Soi stepped back, blocking Nakago with her body as Ashitare lunged at the kissing man. She thought desparately, wondering what to do. The wolf lunged at her and she blindly snapped her fingers at him, sending a blast of lightning into the wolf's chest. Ashitare fell back, landing on top of Miboshi, easily putting both of them out of commision.

"My love, that was incredible," Nakago told her, taking his lips off her long enough to speak. "What do you say we retreat to my room and ma-OW!" He cried as Suboshi tackled him.

"Stay away from Soi-sama!" The boy cried, rolling off Nakago and waiting for the man to get up.

"Silly child, I have no intention of doing so," Nakago said, flinging a chi ball at Suboshi, who dodged at the last second. That was when a blast of the flute hit both their ears.

"OW!" The two cried in unison, dropping to the floor in pain. The giant head beneath Ashitare groaned, and Soi covered her ears. Amiboshi stepped forward, over the four bodies decorating the floor. He offered a hand to the woman sitting on the floor.

"They won't bother us for a while, Soi-sama." He said. She nodded and stood, not noticing the gleam in his eyes in her relief. He headed over to the table and perched on the edge while she surveyed the damage. Only the entire kitchen destroyed, not too bad. "So." He said.

"So," she responded.

"Come here, my delectable morsel, and we shall make passionate monkey love together," He suddenly cried, flinging himself across the room, towards her arms. At the last moment, the woman stepped aside, running for the door.

***

"No!" Tomo yelled. "Where are you going?!" The Nakagenie shook his head in exasperation and sunk back into the lamp.

***

The door swung open and Soi tip-toed in. She shut it behind her and sighed in relief. Safe. She turned to see where she was.

A scream echoed through Kutou palace as she saw Tomo, his eyes exploding in little hearts.

"Beautiful goddess....kakakakakakakaOWOWOWOWOWOW."

Thump. Fried Tomo fell to the floor.