Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ I Just Want Him To Be Happy ❯ I Just Want Him to be Happy ( Chapter 1 )

Ok, here's the deal: This is a shounen-ai fic. If that bothers you AND you ignored the warning in the summary, then get out now. While you still can. If that doesn't bug you, go ahead and read.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. I'm just borrowing them to play with for a while. ^_^

------I Just Want Him to be Happy------

They look so happy. I feel like a selfish idiot to wish them ill. I can't find it in my heat to even dislike my violet-haired companion for taking away the one I love most. Nuriko is always so cheerful, ready to smile at you, ready to listen to your troubles.

Not that I can tell him my troubles.

My troubles include the fact that Tasuki prefers Nuriko over me. But then, why shouldn't he? I'm so much older than Tasuki, and I must seem like an awful idiot, wearing a mask to hide my feelings, using a false tone of voice and an odd speech pattern to cover the real me. Nuriko is far more deserving of Tasuki than I am. No matter what else Nuriko is, he's always himself.

Well, except when she's herself.

Ever since Tasuki admitted that he had feelings for Nuriko, they've been inseperable. I see them everywhere around the palace grounds, holding hands and talking and laughing together. Every time I pass them, I can feel something inside me wither a little. Even so, I can't help but watch them. I'm drawn to Tasuki like a moth to a flame, and like the flame, my love for Tasuki will destroy me someday.

I can't stop the tears from falling. I wear my mask all the time now, and I barely talk. Even speaking in a higher voice, as I normally do, doesn't keep my voice from breaking sometimes. Tasuki's noticed. He's concerned, but he doesn't say so. I can see him glance at me with a puzzled look on his face. It only lasts a second, though, because Nuriko calls his attention away. I leave quietly.

If Nuriko ever hurts Tasuki, I'll never forgive him. He'd hate me to say it, but emotionally, Tasuki's very vulnerable. He trusts Nuriko. To break a trust like that...I don't think it will happen, anyway. Even though something inside me twists painfully when I watch them, just seeing Tasuki look as joyful as he does when Nuriko is around soothes that pain a little. Seeing Nuriko as happy as Tasuki also helps, because it shows that Nuriko won't hurt Tasuki, not if he can help it. It also hurts, knowing that I'm not the one beaming back at Tasuki. But that doesn't matter. I stopped caring how I felt a long time ago.

I just want Tasuki to be happy.

-owari -

A short fic. It didn't come out quite the way I wanted, but I hope you liked it anyway. I'm not a Tasuki/Nuriko fan. I like Tasuki/Chichiri much better, but I had the idea for this fic, and I just had to write it. Also, VERY sorry about the Chichiri torture! I can't promise not to do it again, but I can promise that if I do, I'll make it better next time. Hopefully.

~Ambika