Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ In Dreams ❯ Chapter 21 ( Chapter 21 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I own no Fushigi Yuugi Chararcters, Places or Ideas.



Amiboshi was unsettled that night while he slept in the room next to his brother's. Jenn had almost completely broken down that day. She was bothered and confused and overwhelmed and it was then that he realized that he couldn't help her at all. . He couldn't reassure her because he was facing the same doubts and he couldn't make promises and regardless of how much they both rationalized against it, there was a good chance that after the gods had been summoned, she would be sent back into her own world and he would never see her again. Miboshi had severed his connection to Mark and he would never again see Jennifer's life in his dreams.

He sighed and rolled over, trying to think of someway to clear his mind so that he could sleep. The fact that they might be torn apart wasn't the only thing that was haunting him that night. Jenn seemed to know everything that had happened up until the point that she had arrived in this world, so that meant she might also know what he had tried to do with Miaka. It was easy to assume that she did, but she hadn't said anything, probably trying to deny in her own mind that it was really something that happened. He still couldn't quite believe himself that he'd actually done it...

He stopped his thoughts long enough to untangle himself from the light sheet that was over him. Sighing again, he settled back into his thoughts. If you looked at it from one view, it actually made a great deal of sense. He'd been seeing Jennifer in his dreams for two years before Miaka came and really... They were very similar, as much as he knew Jenn hated the other girl. Their hair was the same length and color, well, Miaka was a little shorter, but the preportion between Mark and Jenn was the same as himself and Miaka and, okay, their eyes were different colors, but they were both painfully clumsy. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. Thinking about that wasn't helping, if anything it was making him feel even more guilty. In one way, to doing that to Miaka, when really he was just using her as an incarnation of Jenn and in another way to Jenn for doing it in the first place and then not telling her, even if she already knew.

He held his left hand up in front of his face and looked at his still bandaged and splinted fingers. She had fussed over them a great deal for some reason. He wasn't sure why, but of all of his injuries, his broken fingers, which happened to hurt the least, were the ones that bothered her the most. In all of his memories of her, he couldn't find an answer as to why. He carefully ran his right fingers over them, feeling for the tender parts. He remembered that Jennifer had broken the first and second fingers on her right hand a few months prior, but that still didn't explain it. She had had no problem with her own injury, so why should his cause so much... Well, it wasn't really stress, but it was along those lines. He clenched his right hand into a fist, as if it would help answer his questions. He let his arms fall limply back onto the bed where they rested on either side of him, opening his eyes to stare at the ceiling.

He hadn't had trouble sleeping for the last two years, the nightmares of the death of his village being overturned by Marks memories. He had always had the memories as dreams, but it was then, when Mark met Jenn, that those dreams had come every night, drawing the young adolecent that he had been, and still partly was, into a deep sleep every night. At the time he had longed for night to come sooner in those days. Anything was a welcome relief from the war that was tearing Kutou apart at the seams. The fact that there was someone within the dreams that cared and was just… wonderful, made him almost learn to hate the waking hours. Many times he had just wished to be Mark; with no one dependant on him, in a world not torn by war, with someone to take care of him instead of the other way around.

He didn't resent Suboshi... no, that wasn't it at all. He loved his brother, but sometimes he just wished... Just wished that he could be his own person for once. Not be "one of the twins". He had gotten a taste of that while with the Suzaku Seishi and again Kaika and he had wanted more of it. At what price though? Suboshi had been led to murder after his false death, drugged or not. And... Could he really just give it all up knowing... knowing that it could happen again? Or something worse? Knowing the pain that he would be causing his only brother, his only family? He closed his eyes again. No... He couldn't do that. Not to his brother and not to himself.

But what did that mean? That he'd have to abandon Kaika's parents and leave them wondering what had happened to him, all of the time feeling that they had lost their son once again? Or did he need to let go of Jenn and allow her to go back home to her own world so that he could take care of his brother? He had told her that she could always stay with him, but could he do that? Did he have a place for her? Was there one? In this world? In this life? He felt tears pull at the corners of his shut eyes and he gave them no resistance, letting them flow as they would. Maybe he just needed to let it all go, let the events flow as they would, like his tears. Just deal with them as they came...

A small smile crossed his face. Yes, that's what he would do. He wouldn't worry about the possible futures until they came to him. He would enjoy all of the time that he had with Jennifer without letting a fear of separation taint it. Feeling clamed by his new resolution, he felt himself finally beginning to drift off. His last control thought was of Jennifer with that surprised look on her face from that morning.



Jenn quietly surveyed the scene before her. The Imperial gardens glowed with a serene inner beauty at night. The whole picture of the palace at nightime left a brilliant picture in her mind, bringing fantasies to life. Imagination could not compare to the sight in front of her. The bright light from the moon made the small pond beneath her feet glow with an inner light. A few glow bugs flitted about the night blooming flowers, whose white petals also reflected the moon with a celestial glow. She sighed, pleased with the sight, but internally troubled, and leaned back on her hands.

She worried about the future. It seemed that while in a place so lost in the past, her own future would disappear from her mind, but there it was, screaming for attention. She knew how her world worked, papers and records of everything. There was no way that she could explain her absense. Seven hells, she couldn't even remember how long she'd been away. They days all seemed to run together, blurring and dulling in her mind's eye. That's how all of her memories were: faded pictures that lost that much more color with every viewing. It was a blessing and a curse. A healing numbness taking the place of those things she would rather not remember. But the numb feeling spread to encompass the cheerful memories as well, hiding all of her past from sight.

She lightly traced a scar that followed the vein on the inside of her arm. A killing wound it would seem, but it had only been a scratch that left such a garish mark. She'd been able to overcome her fear of pain to release herself from it. Funny thing that was. Seeking pain to release it. Sad how true it was, death was easily an exit from everything, but the freedom was only temporary... That was something that she had come to realize in the time since the creation of the scar. Meeting Mark, Amiboshi... Coming to know that they were linked indefinitely, their pain was hers and her pain was theirs. She might free herself, but at the expense of weighing those cared for with chains. It wasn't worth it in the wider scope of things. She thanked that fear that kept her life intact everyday.

"T-Jennifer?" She turned her head to the tentative voice, letting her thoughts fade and her long sleeve once again cover the scar. She gave a small inviting smile to the blonde girl that stood in front of her, looking slightly uneasy. Yui visibly relaxed then and carefully sat down beside Jenn. The two sat in silence for a long time, just staring out at the shining gardens and thinking their own thoughts. A calm wind blew through the palace complex, reflecting the sleepy feeling of its inhabitants.

"You know, Yui... There was once another priestess who sought the power of a god. Unlike you, she lived in the world of her god, she loved her land and her country and saw her god as a way to make her land even better. She already had some powers, being one of the very few gifted with them. Before she summoned her god, she was much like those men from Kutou, do you remember? One of them sent a message here, asking for Tamahome to go to Kutou in exchange for a reprieve from towns and cities on the border being destroyed. She had power akin to that..." Jennifer trailed off, her mind twisting and turning over the story in her mind. She didn't know where the story came from, but she felt that it could help the girl. Jennifer may not have been very social, or good at reading people, but she knew that Yui was worried about the summoning.

"Because of that power, she didn't need the help of Seishi to summon her god. Just as you will be, she was offered three wishes. With her first, she traveled to the future of her country, to see what mistakes they would make, so that she could lay paths to avoid them. She fell in love with a man there and they were brutally torn apart when she was called back into her own time. It was then that she realized that if she changed the course of her country, than that man might never be born and she might never have a chance to love him. With her second wish she made it so that she would stay yound long enough to love and be with that man of her future."

"She has no fears of her god that still dwells within her because she knows that her love is strong and pure and will support her resolution when it seems to falter. She truly believes in what she is doing and therefore, she will never fail." Jennifer looked far away then, to a place where evergreens were common and a lack of snow on the ground was something to fear. She saw bright faces and warm smiles. The joy and pain of those she'd never met. All in an instant, she was brought peace by it. She would live as those people in that place did. Freely, to take life as it came to her. She wouldn't try to alter the future by removing herself from history's pages.

Yui moved then, startling Jenn out of her thoughts. The smaller girl stood up and brushed out her clothes, turning back to the palace. Jennifer wasn't quite sure, but she thought she heard Yui whisper into the still night. "Because she knows her love is stong..." Soft footsteps signalled her leaving and Jenn sighed. Everything was winding down. Much as she didn't want to admit it, things were being to close and end. All of the seishi were found, both of the shinzaho's had been recovered. There was nothing left but to summon the beast gods. She yawned hugely then, standing up to go back to her own room. Things would change with the end and she would see them as they went.



Mar k sat eating a sandwich at the small table in his kitchen. He wasn't quite sure what kind of sandwich he had because he couldn't taste it with his mind as confused as it was. Mari-chan had been acting very strange ever since he had looked through Jennifer's photo album.

"Okay, I've got the Book of the Four Gods and I just emailed the guy I bought it from. Hopefully he can help us with finding out what happened to Jenn." Mari said sitting on his bed and spreading various papers and a small white bound red book. Then she got up and woke up his computer, opening and bunch of windows and fiddling with stuff and writing notes of some kind. Mark just looked back her confused, putting Jenn's book back onto the ground.

"Mari, what are you talking about, what's all of this stuff for and what are you doing on my computer?" He came up behind her and looked over her shoulder at the screen where there were tons of Fushigi Yuugi sites pulled up. Mari just seemed to ignore his questions as she worked on whatever she was doing.

"Go get me the book off of your bed, Mark." She oredered him, holding out her hand for it. He gave her a confused look, even if she couldn't see it, and picked up the small badly beaten book. He put in her hand.

"This one?" She scanned a look at it and then flipped it open, turning to the back and reading the foreign script that was written there. He had no clue what was written there, but he could assume that Mari did by the concentrating look that was on her face. After a minute she looked back at the screen and typed in a bunch more notes, the words appearing faster than Mark could read them.

"Okay, well it seems she started somewhere in episode 40... Right after Amiboshi broke his fingers and Miaka woke up, so that would mean... Hmmm..." Marissa trailed off and went back to reading the book.

"Uh Mari, What are you talking about? Jennifer's out missing somewhere what does this have to do with her?" He looked at her askance, a little confused and wary of her actions. The girl in question turne back with wide eyes before turning back to the book and flipping ahead, only skimming the pages. Eventually she stopped and actually read the page, nodding. She finally turned back to him.

"You don't remember a thing, do you?" When he just continued to stare ather in a confused manner, she sighed and shook her head, turning back to the computer and closing all of the windows. "Nevermind then. Just... Go back and do whatever you were doing." She sighed in a resigned manner, picking up her things and then trailing out of the room. When she was gone and the door clsoed behind her Mark could only stare at it in shock and confusion. Really... That girl needed to drink less chai tea... The caffine must be getting to her brain.

And that's what had lead him to where he was now. In a state of mental limbo. Confused about Mari and worried about Jenn, of whom they still had no word. He was having nightmares too. Where Jenn was just in reach for the quickest second before being taken away by a blinding silver light. He always woke up in a cold sweat with tears streaks on his face. He wondered if his family cared, but he doubted they'd even notice.

He swallowed a lump in his throat and looked out the window, hoping that any minute Jenn would hop over the wall, like she would always do and start throwing things at him.



"But, Mali! That's a terrible story! How can it possibly be your favorite? I thought you liked all of those sappy stories where the hero gets the girl in the end."

"Oh, I like those too, but this one... It's just so, I don't know, it makes their love seem more real." Mali, a little girl, said wistfully to her friend as they walked through a field near their city.

"More real? But she died! How can she love him that way? Huh?" Her friend, a boy noticably taller and a few years older, asked, still confused, but at the same time very amused.

Mali only giggled in response, "But it was so sweet, and even you can't say that that song isn't better everytime you hear it. I'm alone now, can you see me?" Her friend laughed at her attempt at the sad song.

"Your voice is just too high for that song, Mali. Maybe in couple of years once you learn how to use it correctly you'll be able to sing it better."

"Hey! I can to sing it right!" She stomped her foot in an indignant way and glared at him when he only continued to laugh.

"To sing a song like that right, you need to fill it with emotion. You, little one, are too selfcentered to ever love anyone enough to get that song right." Mali just pouted and then sniffed, turning her head away.

"So you say. Just wait. I'll be able to sing it. And I'll sing the girl part way better than you could ever sing the boy part, so just you wait!" She held out her fist in challenge and he only laughed.

"We'll see, little one. We'll see."

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Reinasinnax: I know, I hate Tama too, but just because I hate him doesn't mean I can change who he is and how stuff works.
Lirael1:Jenn is 15, but her b-day is in July, so she's really irked that Miaka is older than her, no matter how little.
Well, I really wasn't going to post this because I had 89 reivews and was really really upset about it and had to restrain myself from breaking something over it. So you can all thank MercuryMoon that this chapter is out and that my room is still in one piece. (For the time being, I'm getting new furniture, so we'll have to se how THAT goes) Thanks to Ladylight and Noodle8 for reviweing this chapter.