Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Mitsukake no Ai ❯ Mitsukake no Ai ( One-Shot )

Title: Mitsukake no Ai

Author: Alexa

Disclaimer: Standard stuff about #1. not owning the characters, and #2. being a poor student with no money.

Author's Notes: This was originally going to be a serious work, based on the relationship between Shoka and Mitsukake. The title was originally going to be "Ai no Mitsukake". However, somewhere along the line, I had a very odd thought. Heh heh heh. Some characters who should be dead are alive for the sake of the fic. Doesn't matter, trust me. This is the sometimes shocking, sometimes revealing, sometimes funny, sometimes really stupid fanfic that evolved. Enjoy!

***

Mitsukake stood in an open white space. He looked around, then sat down to meditate, figuring something would happen soon. He had a feeling this was a fanfic. If it was a fanfic, there could be only one thing that was going on that would involve him sitting alone in a big white space; he shuddered. Bored authors were scary. However, He realised this couldn't be any other the author's that normally tormented the FY characters, often including annoying and pointless blatant self-inclusions. He found himself reflecting that FY fanfic writers had the highest percentage of self-inclusins on the net. That was when the crackling started. Mitsukake hopped to his feet (astounding for a guy his size, ne?) and began looking around. A loudspeaker had appeared.

"This is absurd," a low female voice said from the box.

"..."

"Anyway, hi," the voice continued. There was a loud snapping noise, and Mitsukake found himself dressed in a toga á la cupid, complete with a bow and arrows in his hands. "I'll make my tiny blatant self-inclusion as short as possbile because I hate them. Basically, you're to go around granting wishes for characters. All of them, trust me, will be romance-related." The voice sighed. "A couple of them may not work because they go against all the basic laws of the universe, so don't be disappointed." Mitsukake looked confused. "Hm...you're missing something...ah!" There was another loud snapping noise, and a large goat grew up underneath Mitsukake, big enough for him to ride. "This is Lloyd, and he will be your mode of transportation. Go forth and do good! Or just wreak havoc, whatever." Mitsukake sat there, still confused.

"What is the purpose of this?" He asked quietly. (Of course he asked quietly. He does everything quietly.)

"HUMOR! NOW GO, BEFORE I GET ANGRY!" The voice yelled. With a popping noise, the loudspeaker disappeared, and Mitsukake found himself in the middle of the North Pole (does the North Pole really have a middle? Oh well, no matter.) Trudging towards him was a group of people.

"What do I say?" Mitsukake asked the sky. The loudspeaker popped back into view.

"That you are here to grant wishes. One each. Now excuse me, as the omnipotent author, I have better things to do than answer your silly questions!" The voice said grumpily as the louspeaker disappeared. At that moment, the people were upon Mitsukake. It was the Seiryuu seishi. He blinked.

Nakago laughed. "Suzaku seishi really are cute..." He murmered, taking in Mitsukake's garb.

Mitsukake sighed. "I'm here to grant you a wish each."

Soi and Tomo each ran to the front of the line, screaming at the same time, "LET NAKAGO LOVE ME!!" Mitsukake blinked, then sweatdropped. Strangely enough, so did Nakago. Mitsukake raised his bow and knocked two arrows at once, then fired them at Nakago. Gold glitter poofed outwards as one of the arrows hit him, and suddenly, he grabbed Soi, kissing her frantically. The other arrow fizzed and popped and turned to dust. Soi grinned and Tomo burst into tears. Nakago turned to Mitsukake. He whispered something in the other seishi's ear, and suddenly Nakago and Soi disappeared, presumably to some place where they could "raise chi" without being disturbed. Seeing Soi's success, Suboshi hurried to the front of the line.

"I want Yui-sama!" Suboshi cried, rather predictably. Mitsukake fired an arrow at Yui, and it, too, poofed out gold glitter. Suboshi turned to Yui, grinning and waiting. She slipped her coat off, revealing only her miko costume.

"Shun-chan...you are going to get sooo lucky..." Yui purred, walking towards him. "But first. Mitsukake-san?" She asked.

"Eh?"

"I want to be able to love Suboshi twice as much. There was only one way Mitsukake could see that working. He sighed, knocked another arrow, and fired it at Amiboshi, who immediately came over to his miko. Yui winked at Mitsukake. "Arigato." The three of them headed off for who knows where. Mitsukake looked around, decided his work was done, and started off.

"Come on, Lloyd. Let's find somewhere warmer!" He said, spurring the giant goat into movement.

Eventually, man and goat came to Konan-koku, and continued through the city, collecting many odd looks as they went. Finally, they entered the palace, because the guards were stupid and incompetent, and didn't notice a man wearing a toga, carrying a bow and arrows, and riding a goat going through the main gate. He rode straight into the throne room, where he dismounted to the aghast looks of the Suzaku no Miko and his fellow seishi.

"Ow," Mitsukake said simply. The others just gaped.

"Look, it's a fanfic, ok?" The others relaxed a little and pulled out their scripts, scanning them almost frantically. Satisfied that this would never appear on national television, they put them away.

"What the &#^% is going on, Mitsukake?" Tasuki asked, rather succinctly.

"I'm here to grant you all one wish," Mitsukake replied, obviously tired of this.

"Really, no da?" Chichiri asked. He leaned over and whispered something in Mitsukake's ear. Mitsukake blinked, then snapped his fingers. Chichiri was on a desert island, ten beautiful scantily clad girls around him, serving him drinks with brightly colored umbrellas in them. "Ah, this is the life, no da!"

Tasuki stepped forward. "I just want someone to love!" He cried out. Tamahome smacked him.

"Stop being OOC, baka!" Tamahome screamed. Tasuki pulled out his fan.

"LEKKA SHINEN!"

(So the question here is; Was Tamahome regular, or extra-crispy?)

Mitsukake dutifully snapped his fingers. Suddenly, the red-haired seishi disappeared, landing with a bump in the land of the mikos. A bunch of screaming girls rounded the corner, yelling things like, "Tasuki, my love!" and "Come hither, my delectable morsel, and we shall make passionate monkey love together!" Thoroughly disturbed, Tasuki began running.

Houki, the empress, walked over to Mitsukake. "Sir, I ask that my husband love me over that food-crazed twit with funny hair over there," the distinguished woman asked. Mitsukake was on the verge of pointing out that her hair wasn't much better than Miaka's, then thought the better of it and shut his mouth. He raised the bow and shot an arrow into Hotohori's side. It exploded in brilliant gold sparks, and the emperor stood. Elegantly he picked up his wife and headed to the bedroom as they said obscene things to each other.

Nuriko burst into tears. "What about me?!" He sobbed. At that moment, Tomo came running through the door, make-up less from his crying.

"What are you going to do for me, wish-giver?" Tomo asked, his voice more slithery than usual from his running after the other seishi. Nuriko looked at Tomo and little hearts formed in his eyes. He began pointing at Tomo frantically, then mimed shooting a bow and arrow at him. Mitsukake sighed, and shot Tomo. The explosion was brighter than anything that had yet happened. The two were suddenly going at it. Mitsukake, always gallant, picked up Chiriko, being careful to cover his eyes, and ushered Miaka, Tamahome, and the child out of the throne room.

"So, Chiri-chan, what do you want?" Chiriko thought for a moment, then whispered to Mitsukake. Mitsukake smiled a little, the snapped his fingers. Chiriko grew and suddenly had the appearance of a seventeen year-old. Miaka's eyes popped out in little hearts.

"Chiriko wa kawaii!!" Miaka cheered, glomping onto him. They ran out of the room (one should note that their relationship took a very long time to progress past kissing, as Chiriko's eyes had always been covered when other people were groping.)

"Oi! Mitsukake! What about me?" Tamahome asked, visibly annoyed at his fickle girlfriend.

Mitsukake thought for a moment, then shot Tamahome with an arrow. The other seishi's eyes suddenly glazed over and he ran out the door, screaming something with the words "lovebunny", "honeymuffin", and "Taiitsu-kun" in it. Mitsukake suddenly found that he was wearing his normal clothing again, and Lloyd the goat had turned into a horse. The louspeaker appeared in front of him with a noice like someone sat on a piano.

"Nice job, Mitsukake of looooove!" The voice said teasingly. Mitsukake blushed. "Take Tama-neko and go home; you've had a long day." Mitsukake nodded, mounting his horse. The loudspeaker disappeared.

"Looks like it's just you and me, ne, Tama-neko?" Mitsukake asked gently as the cat settled itself on his shoulder. They rode off into the sunset.

***

Epilogue:

(Well, you didn't think that was the end, did you?!)

Mitsukake took over two days to reach his old village. He felt after something as odd as that, he needed a break. He rode through the village, finally reaching his house. Something was different. He went it. There was a woman by the fireplace, cooking something. She turned.

"Shoka...but...how?"

"I have no idea. I was hoping you could tell me. But later. Right now, I just want to make up for lost time," she said, smothering his mouth with a kiss. They disappeared into the bedroom, Mitsukake hoping this wasn't a dream. That was when the loudspeaker popped back into existence.

"Of course this isn't a dream, baka!" The voice said. "Now go and enjoy your reward!" The loudspeaker disappeared, and Shoka looked at Mitsukake. They both shrugged and went back to what they had been doing.

Finis.