Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Needs Must Be ❯ Acknowledge ( Chapter 2 )

AN: I am not an environmental biology expert. I have no idea whether honeysuckle grew in ancient China, but I like it so there it is. If it didn't, I'm sure there was something else equally delicious. I'm pretty sure there are wolves almost everywhere though (they will come in later). If you're reading this for historical or environmental accuracy you're probably in the wrong place.

AN2: Oh, and on another note, Nuriko will be referred to as "her" as transgendered individuals usually prefer to be called by their chosen gender. I'm not sure if Nuriko counts as a true transsexual, given his reasons for dressing and acting female, but I prefer to think of the character as such.

Warnings: Yaoi Lime, Sap

Disclaimer: Tasuki made me do this, stubborn bandit. I tried to explain that the rights to his and Chichiri's characters, as well as the rest of Fushigi Yuugi belong to someone else, but he refused to listen. What can you do?

Needs Must Be

Chapter 2 - Acknowledge

by Xellas M.

That was yesterday evening. I went straight to bed, hoping to relax and sort out my feelings. That didn't work because there really wasn't anything to sort out. I love him. I want him. I -need- him…but I also knew I had no idea how to approach another man. I understand the basic mechanics - I'm not -that- innocent - but I never thought I'd want to apply that knowledge.

Needless to say, I did not get a lot of sleep last night.

By this morning, I had settled down somewhat. I needed advice from someone and Nuriko seemed to make the most sense. She and Tasuki were close, after all.

* * * * *

Decision made, I felt a little bit better. Nuriko would not be up for hours yet, so I took my morning walk though the Imperial gardens to the pond. There is a very old willow tree that grows at the edge of the water and if you look closely enough at it you can see an old, bearded man's face in the bark. The small clearing beside the tree is secluded, quiet. It is my favorite place to practice sun salutations.

This morning was warm, althought it is still late spring. The grass was still damp from a recent shower, although the pink and mauve eastern sky showed only a few fluffy clouds still remaining. The gentle southern breeze carried the rich green scent of newly reawakened life mixed with sweet honeysuckle.

I removed my kesa, kasa, shirt, shoes and mask, set them neatly on the roots of the willow tree and smiled a greeting at the old man. I assumed the lotus position on the wet grass, breathing deeply and clearing my mind.

It was at this point that I began to sense Tasuki's chi. I was almost inclined to dismiss the sensation as a sign of my infatuation, but it grew stronger. Without seeming to, I looked around the area. He was very well hidden, but I suppose nothing less should be expected from the leader of a bandit gang. I would have missed him entirely, but he was revealed when a single beam of golden light from the rising sun struck a lock of his hair, creating a fire that burned brightly against his hiding place in a clump of tall green weeds.

I decided that this would be as good a time as any to test the reactions of my fellow seishi. There are many postures used in meditation, some of which are specifically designed to celebrate sensuality. I began to work through those, enjoying the feeling of being alive and in my own body. As I moved, I felt the need for Tasuki's touch present in every part of my being. It permeated me completely and I felt my blood rushing to my skin and my sex. Every time I stretched, I was reaching for him and every time I relaxed, I was opening myself to him. I focused on his chi, his nearness causing these exercises to become something more than they ever had been before.

Finally, I lay down to relax. I was completely centered on Tasuki, so close to his life force that it seemed impossible for him not to know I was aware of his presence. I waited in the space between my own heartbeats for him to reveal himself, hoping that he would come and claim me. When I felt him slip away instead, the loss was so poignant that I almost cried.

Instead, I returned to the palace. I washed, changed and had a light meal before I went to find Nuriko.

* * * * *

Nuriko was in her quarters, chatting away happily while a maid braided a new ribbon into the seishi's lovely hair. She motioned for me to sit, never missing a beat in her cheerful prattle. The maid finished quickly and left.

Nuriko's smile dropped instantly once we were alone. This did not bode well for our conversation. She did not say anything, just waited with one foot tapping irritably.

Slowly, I removed my mask. I was here to ask for advice and needed to be taken seriously.

Nuriko is not known for her patience. As soon as I set the mask down she exploded "Chichiri, -what- did you do to Tasuki this morning? He wouldn't tell me, only insisted that it didn't matter because you didn't know he was there. But you always know who's there, don't you? Tasuki may have forgotten that but I haven't."

Normally I am thankfully spared Nuriko's more physical outbursts due to my status as a monk, but that did not mean I wanted to push it. "Yes, I knew he was there. Was he very upset?" I winced, waiting for an answer I did not want to hear.

My tone of voice got through to her. Puzzled, she replied evasively "You know Tasuki, he gets upset quickly but gets over it even faster. What happened?"

"I was trying to see if he is interested no da." The words left my mouth in a rush, the 'no da' tagging along accidentally. It was the first time I had admitted my recently acknowledged feelings out loud. "Apparently I screwed up."

Minutes passed as Nuriko stared at me. A whoosh of air blew between us, but nothing else moved.

"You…" She was recovering, slowly.

"Please don't tell him." Obviously, I had made a mess of things. I was lucky; if I had gone any further I probably would have lost Tasuki's friendship entirely. As it was, it would probably be best if I took my meals in my room for a few days.

"But you're straight! And even if you weren't, you are a monk!"

All I wanted to do was escape but I did owe her a few answers. "Suzaku doesn't discriminate. Love is love regardless of gender. To answer your other comment, of all the animal gods, he is the only one that does not require an oath of chastity from his followers. It's just not something we act on unless we're serious."

"Oh." Nuriko went back to being monosyllabic. I put my mask back on and prepared to leave.

"Don't you dare tell him no da. If you do, I'll turn you into a toad no da. A big, -ugly- toad with warts na no da." I was joking, but made sure to leave enough room for doubt to ensure Nuriko's silence.

I walked through the door, thinking I had gotten the last word. I should have known better. Before I could close the door behind me, Nuriko's voice sang out "Chichiri!" and with a gentle (for her anyway) toss, she sent a small jar at me before closing and locking the door herself.

'Not funny no da.' I muttered to myself, walking back to my rooms while reading the label. It was a specially prepared oil, a lubricant for male/male sex.

* * * * *

End Part 2

~To be continued