Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Obligation ❯ Obligation ( One-Shot )

Obligation

~Dedicated to Nataku, who has now got a second Hotohori and Tasuki fan ficcy ^.^ ~

Tasuki stared up at the ceiling.

Tomorrow they would go. They would be on that ship....

The idea of water made him shudder.

Well, Nuriko would be there to kid with.... Hotohori wouldn't.

"Of course he can't come," Tasuki muttered to himself. "He's the emperor, he can't do things like that.... But...it would still be nice."

He slapped himself for acting so stupid. He was acting like Nuriko. Nuriko acted like a woman and though he was gay, Tasuki most certainly didn't want to be a woman. Sure, okay, he was secretly jealous of them, but only because they could have any man they wanted and Tasuki couldn't even have the one he wished he could.

Suddenly, a knock fell on his door.

He sighed and said that they could come in.

When the door opened, his heart caught in his throat.

Hotohori stood in the doorway. His beautiful silken hair reflected the moonbeams and they bounced off and dazzled in his eyes, glittering like stars in heaven itself.

But that was to be expected, because at least to Tasuki, Hotohori was heaven.

"Hoto..hori...sama...." he breathed, trying to get his heart rate to return to normal.

"Tasuki-san," he returned, shutting the door and walking forward. "You should get some rest. You have to wake up early tomorrow."

Tasuki didn't say anything, but he sat up and took in Hotohori as best he could as he walked over and joined him on the bed.

Hotohori being so close.... It exhilarated him. He always seemed to ignore Tasuki, as if he wasn't really one of the seshi, or he wasn't important enough.... Maybe it was the rejection, which made Tasuki grow fonder of the other man. Maybe it was the challenge of winning him over.

"I came to talk to you...."

"I...." Tasuki halted his voice when he realized he couldn't say 'I'm glad you came'. "What about, Hotohori-sama?"

"About tomorrow."

Tasuki stared at the profile of the beautiful man and whimpered. How could just one man make him feel this way? How could one man make him wish with all his life to be held in his arms? How could one man possess such a strong power over every aspect of him?

"Yes?"

"Please...make sure you protect Miaka."

Tasuki's face about hit the floor.

There was no 'I'm going to miss you, Tasuki', 'make sure to be careful considering you can't swim, Tasuki', 'return quickly, Tasuki'.... No! It was 'make sure to protect their sad-excuse for a priestess Miaka'!

"Like hell," Tasuki seethed, pushing away from the man of his affections. "You do realize she isn't the only person on this planet, don't you?" he asked, his pain flowing out of his mouth in rivers that were obvious to anyone who cared to listen. "She's not the only one! She doesn't even care about you, Hotohori! She doesn't care! There are other people who do and you don't even look twice at them! If you only knew the love that some people hold for you, you...."

He stopped. What was he talking about? Hotohori didn't care about him, obviously. Hotohori only cared about Miaka. Hotohori obviously couldn't see anyone else's affections; he was so blinded by his own. Why did he even bother to humiliate himself?

Hotohori looked away, unable to face Tasuki's angry eyes.

"If people cared, Tasuki, then I wouldn't feel such pain inside...." he whispered. "I...I know Miaka doesn't love me; I'm not as blind as you think I am.... I've just been lonely my entire life...she's supposed to take that away from me. How can she? She doesn't love me and to tell the truth, I don't even love her. I could never be so bold to someone I actually loved," he murmured, so quite Tasuki almost didn't catch it.

Instead of anger, Tasuki now felt overwhelming sympathy toward the obviously broken emperor.

"My entire life I was made to be something that I wasn't. I was supposed to be great, I was raised to be an emperor. My mother was a concubine, by father was a king. They didn't have time for me, they didn't care. My entire life was loneliness. The stories.... The stories always said that the priestess would take away my pain, but all she's done was brought me more.... But Tasuki, I still have to keep up the act...."

The pain in his voice overwhelmed Tasuki. How could one person feel so much sorrow?

"There are people, Hotohori, that do care about you," he murmured back. Even though they rarely ever talked, Tasuki felt that he could be open with Hotohori. Hotohori, in the past few minutes, was more open toward him that all the other seshi, including Nuriko, had ever dared to be. They all took him for a bumbling idiot, but he wasn't. He was a bandit leader and they had to have some brains to be boss.

"Nuriko, maybe?" Hotohori chuckled in a melancholy manner. "Nuriko...can't help me. He's got enough of his own problems."

"No, Hotohori, other than Nuriko."

"I couldn't imagine who."

"Of course you couldn't, you've never taken the time to talk to them...."

Hotohori turned and faced the other man, whose amber eyes were locked on him, deep in concentration. They were so beautiful....

"There are a lot of people I've never taken the time to talk to...."

Hotohori was so sad, so painful, so twistedly cynical it hurt Tasuki. It hurt Tasuki to the point where he wanted to hug Hotohori and never let him go. Let him know that he cared.

"They could be right next to you, and you wouldn't even realize it, Hotohori-kun, you wouldn't notice them if they smacked you upside the head."

"There are some people I avoid, because I...I care too much about them. Those people I notice as soon as they walk into a room."

"I couldn't imagine who someone like that would be," Tasuki snorted, looking at his hands as they rested on his knees.

"You wouldn't?"

"No. Obviously no one I know."

"Why? I...I think you know this person very well."

"Who could it possibly be? Who would you avoid? No one. You don't have to avoid anyone. Your word is law."

"There are people I have to avoid, because if I get too close to them, I know that I won't be able to escape...." he whispered, standing. "I should go. You need to sleep, Tasuki."

He walked to the door and stood there for a moment, hesitating on a razor sharp edge. No matter which way he moved, he could very easily fall off.

"Tasuki, I have to go, because if I get too close to you, I won't be able to turn back."

With that, he walked out.

It took Tasuki a full three seconds before the impact of which just happened truly hit him.

"Hotohori!" he cried, dashing out the door and down the porch, slamming hard into Hotohori's back and wrapping his arms tight around his waist, the impact of it sending them both over the edge and tumbling through the soft grass to the lake edge.

Tasuki held on to him for dear life as he tried to sit up and push Tasuki away.

"Please," he pleaded.

"No!" Tasuki responded, his grip tightening around the emperor's robes. "I refuse to let go!"

"Please, Tasuki, what are you doing? This isn't funny...."

"I'm not trying to be funny! I'm not letting go! I don't *want* to let go!"

"Tasuki, you're hurting me--!"

Tasuki hands immediately released Hotohori's clothing and he turned his head away as if he had just been slapped.

"I hurt you...." he whispered fearfully, biting his tongue hard to keep from crying.

"It's not nice to play with people's emotions like that.... I...I love you...." he whispered, lifting a hand to cover his eyes as he tried to keep the mist there from turning into shameful tears.

"I'm not playing! I love you too, Hotohori!" he cried, grabbing his other sleeve in his hands and trying to pull him closer.

"Shut up! You can't! This can't happen! It's not supposed to! I have to produce an heir, don't you understand? You aren't supposed to love me, but...but I can't help loving you...."

"What are you talking about?" Tasuki begged. "I can't help loving you, either!"

"You are the most relaxed person I know, Tasuki, and I need that from you. I need to share that aspect, because I feel like I'm suffocating. I can't escape this trap. I'm going to die, here, Tasuki, but...you can't give me everything I need."

"I'll give you anything, Hotohori, anything! I swear! No matter how impossible!"

"You can't give me an heir...."

Tasuki's fingers uncurled from the sleeve as he released the fabric, returning his hands to angry fists.

He finally had Hotohori right there in reaching distance, and he still couldn't have him!

"But.... It's not fair," Tasuki finally whined out weakly, his mind desperately trying to think of a way out.

Hotohori couldn't say anything to comfort the one who so long held his affection. It hurt him that he couldn't even offer Tasuki a little comfort.

"So what! I'm probably going to die tomorrow anyway!"

With that, he clutched Hotohori's robes in his fists and slammed their mouths together.

Hotohori's eyes were twice their normal size for the first few long moments, until finally he sunk into the feel of Tasuki's lips on his own, which he had never dared to dream would happen, and began to kiss him back.

The feeling of Tasuki tongue feeling it's way across his lips jolted Hotohori hard, being as he never felt anything like that before in his entire life.

He wanted to try it.

He pulled away from Tasuki first, pinning him down on the grass and staring into his beautiful eyes, brushing his cheek gently with his fingertips.

"This right here is more than I could have dreamed I'd possess," he whispered before taking Tasuki's open mouth with his own, letting his tongue slip into the warmth of Tasuki's mouth where they jousted lightly, just enjoying a taste they thought they'd each live their whole lives without.

And for a moment, the entire world was perfect.

Hotohori settled down in the grass, reaching for Tasuki's hand and holding it tightly within his own.

"I wonder if we'll ever see each other again...." he whispered. "I shouldn't be doing this...."

"Oh who in the hell cares?" Tasuki asked, sitting up and looking down on the man, his hair spread out in shimmering waves behind him, outshining the moon itself. "Why shouldn't we show feelings for once, especially since tomorrow I'm off too my doom. I...I wish you were coming with us...." Tasuki whispered, looking off across the lake.

Slowly Hotohori untied the long ribbon holding his hair together before kissing the end of it and placing it within Tasuki's hand, curling his fingers over it.

"Take that. It always reminded me of you. It matches the incredible shade of your eyes," he replied, kissing Tasuki's wrist several times.

Tasuki pulled off one of his multiple necklaces in return.

"I know the jewels are nothing beautiful like you or what you normally wear, but...."

Hotohori took the necklace and clasped it around his neck.

"It will do fine because it is from you," he returned, kissing Tasuki slowly in a chaste kiss in which he tried to dump everything he had felt for the past two months.

In which he also failed miserably to do so.

Tasuki fell against his chest, listening to the constant beat of his heart.

"When I come back, you can show me the time of both our lives, eh?" Tasuki asked, smirking and blushing as he spoke the words.

Hotohori also blushing, not common to such crude ways of putting it.

"If you really want to do something with...me," Hotohori muttered, stroking at Tasuki's soft hair, unable to believe that someone would actually want him to make love to them.

"I love you, Hotohori, I want...I want only to please you and to make you happy.... Maybe.... Miaka can't take away your pain, so I.... I want to try, Hotohori...."

"I never thought that you would actually say these things to me...."

"I have a serious side too, ya know," Tasuki laughed, punching him playfully in the shoulder. "Just no one has ever cared to see it."

"I always figured you did, but I meant.... I meant I love you...."

"As if I expected it from you. You made me feel like shit most of the time. If you talked to me it would only be because you absolutely had to."

"Only because I was afraid of you.... I was afraid of this.... In a way, I still am...."

Tasuki sighed and let his lips linger over Hotohori's for a moment.

"Aishiteru, koi."

"Aishiteru, hoshi no rakuen," Hotohori returned as he kissed his forehead.

~~~

It was hard for Tasuki to leave that next day, to see Hotohori standing on the docks, smiling as they left. But he had obligations, they all had obligations, and it was his duty to stick to his responsibility.

It helped, some, to reach into his pocket and fell the ribbon Hotohori had given to him the night before.

However, it was nothing compared to being in his arms again, and it never would be.

Hotohori waited until the ship left the edge of his eyesight before he turned around and let a tear slip down his face and prayed to Suzaku to keep his Tasuki safe. It was a vast ocean and poor Tasuki couldn't swim....

He wished he could have gone, but how could he? He had obligations to the empire; he couldn't have gone with them.

"If only you return quickly, my love," he whispered as his hand touched on the beads, which Tasuki had given him just the night before. "I'll be able to last if only you return quickly...."

~Owari

So how was that for a first attempt, eh? Aheh, aheh.... Are those rotten tomatoes you have in your hands...? You aren't going to throw those at me...are you? >.< Okay, I know it sucked! I have to try again, or something! Please, don't hurt me too badly!