Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Only In My Heart ❯ Tears ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer :: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi nor it's characters. Thank you, Watasee Yuu for a wonderful story that will never end…

Chapter One "Tears"

She awoke with a start. Her face and pillow tear stained. Sitting up she shakes her head to clear the images of the nightmare she had. "Why am I having these dreams again?" She asked herself aloud, wishing she could understand the meaning behind them.

She stood up walking to the kitchen to make coffee. She couldn't get the image of the man out her mind. He was the handsomest man she had ever seen and in the dreams, she was his wife.

This dream was particularly upsetting to her. She had the same dream before and it never varied. She sat down at the small table and poured herself some coffee. Picking up the mug with shaky hands, she took a sip.

"Owww!" She quickly pulled the cup away from her lips, spilling the coffee down the front her nightgown. "Damn, Jenna you gotta get a grip."

She walked to the sink running cold water over her hands as she rinsed the dishrag out. She began wiping at the coffee on her gown and thought it looked rather like a bloodstain. This made her think again of the dream. She began running through it again in her mind.

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She was in a dining room of sorts, on a much grander scale than she was used to. She was sipping tea from a tiny cup, talking to some older women. She looked down as she felt the movement of the baby inside her womb began to stir. She smiled putting her hand to her abdomen. It was his baby. She couldn't recall the man's name but she knew they were in love and that this baby represented all his life's achievements.

Suddenly a commotion started outside the dining room doors; men were sobbing and talking loudly. "No, I will not allow you to interrupt the Empress' meal." She walked to the door, opening it to find some soldiers standing there.

The guard bowed to her. "My Lady, I am sorry for the intrusion. I will remove them now." He began to shove the men away but their words stopped him in his tracks.

"Please, My Lady, you must hurry. It's the Emperor. He's been injured in battle. They are taking him to his chamber right now."

She felt her heart sink. Injured? How? Is it serious? She pulled her gown up above her knees and began to run down the hall towards his chamber. She burst into the room as some soldiers were laying him on the bed. She could see by his ashen face that it was not good.

A red haired man was holding his hand, crying. "I'm am so sorry. We have failed you." He laid his head upon her husband's chest and sobbed. Another man, a monk sat cross legged on the floor beside the bed, saying some words that she understood to be a prayer for the dead.

At that moment, the room around her turned black.

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She awoke in a darkened room. The maroon curtains drawn tightly to block out the sunshine that tried to come in through the window. She felt she couldn't move. Her heart, broken with the remembrance of her dead husband layed out on his bed. She began to cry.

The monk shifted in the chair beside her bed. He had watched her stir and heard her muffled cries as she buried her face into the pillow. His heart ached for her loss, a loss that the whole country would feel. He silently prayed for his emperor's soul to be taken good care of in the afterlife.

Standing up he walked to the bed and knelt down beside it, taking her hand in his. As he bent his head over her hand a tear slid down his cheek to fall on her hand. She gasped and began to sob openly.

"I am so sorry, my lady. Mitsukake is dead too. There was no way for us to help him. I give you my word that I will stay by your side, to protect you and his child from now on."

She pulled her hand away from his. She sat up and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her gown. She spoke in a choked voice. "I want to see my husband."

The monk stood up abruptly. "My lady, do you think that is a good idea?"

She stood up, getting out of bed and repeated herself. "I want to see my husband." She started towards the door but swung around to stare at the monk. She spoke in a muffled voice. "How did this happen? You were supposed to protect him." She turned and walked out the door, not waiting for him to answer.

She slowly walked to the room next door which was her husbands chamber. Two guards stood outside, they bowed their heads unable to make eye contact with her. She closed her eyes before opening the door, willing herself to be strong.

As she entered the room, two men were cleaning the blood and dirt from his face. They turned towards her when they heard her gasp. One walked quickly to her, afraid she might faint again. She shook off his hands as he tried to help her.

It seemed she stood there forever staring at the corpse of her husband. Slowly she walked to the bedside, unable to take her eyes from his face. Even in death, he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. She reached her hand out to touch his cheek but pulled back before touching him.

"Why? Why did you have to go into the battle? Why?" She began to cry, kneeling down beside the bed and reaching for his hands. Her hands made contact with his cold hands and felt the paper he still clung to. Looking up she saw that it was that damn photograph. She pulled it from his grip and looked down at it. Anger began to fill her heart, replacing the anguish of her husband's death.

She stared at the photograph of the seven warriors together with their priestess. That damn girl from another world who always stood between her and her husband. She knew he loved her but his first love was the priestess. When they first were married, he called the priestess' name while they were making love. And even now, he clung to her picture.

Damn her! This was all her fault, if she had not come to their world he would not be dead. He would not have gone into battle. He would have let the warriors tend to the Kotou soldiers. This war was a farce that was started with the arrival of the priestess.

"Damn her!" She spoke aloud startling the men that stood on the other side of the bed. She began to cry uncontrollably. She fell over on the bed, clinging to her dead husband. She kissed his face as the sobs raked over her body.

"I love you. I will always love you." She brushed his hair back from his forehead, kissing him again. "I will always love you." Her body shook with the pain of losing the only man she ever truly loved.

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Jenna sat at the kitchen table and whispered. "I will always love you." She startled herself when she realized that tears were running down her cheeks again.

Standing up abruptly, she chastised her. "Damn it Jenna! Get a grip! It was just a dream."

She began to laugh maniacally as she walked to the bathroom. Perhaps a shower will wash away the memories, she thought to herself. While in shower she cried again for the unknown man of her dreams…