Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Seiryu Seishi Wreak Havoc on Hawaii ❯ Of Chaos and Malls ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: first off, I need to say that this is the sister fic to Zolac no Miko's "Miaka and The Suzaku Seven go to Hawaii!". We were hanging out the other night, and all of a sudden the idea struck me (me being the rabid bishi-boshi fan girl that I am), that, well, damn. What the hell is Nakago doing here, anyway? And what about the other Seiryuu seishi? So I asked her if I could do this, and she gave me the o.k. on it. Hopefully

::grins evilly at ZnM::

sometime we'll get around to co-writing a chapter where the two groups meet

(and all hell royally breaks loose)

…but we'll see what happens.

/blah/=thoughts.

Spoilers: uh yeeeeeah…if you haven't seen up to ep.17 you're screwed, and shouldn't be reading this *anyway*, cuz damn, how long does it take for all the Seiryuu Seishi to come in? But yeah. Ep.17. Yesyes. ::grins maniacally::

Warnings: alright. Anyone who may have read Confined Spaces will already know that I am basically just nuts. My brain works in mysterious ways that not even Quat (yes, the pilot's preincarnation) wishes to pry into. And she's the friggen' queen of brain-prodding. ::grins triumphantly:: okay, `side from that, *no*, I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. Ya think if I did I'd be writin' fanfiction for it? Cripes, people. Think about this, here. The only think FY that I own is the box set, the manga (which isn't even technically mine, anyway), and a buncha pics I printed off the internet, which are now pasted all around my room (Bishi-Boshis and the Hotohotness…eheheh.). So there. And I spend all my okane on Gundam Wing stuff, so if you try to sue me, you're outta luck. Oh yeah, and all'a you lightweights who don't like/approve of the following stop reading here, okay?

"naughty language", torture of bishounen, harassment of bishounen, suzaku seishi-bashing, bashing in general, extreme bizarreness, ooc-ness, yaoi/shounen-ai references/blatant situations and/or statements, non-bishounen torture and harassment (okay, anyone who finds ashitare and/or miboshi attractive *needs to get out more*!!!!)

And stay away from my mouth with that soap, Quat.

(Great Mother of Shinigami, that was long. Sorry.)

The sun was shining brightly. The birds were singing. The water was doing that blindingly, glaringly bright thing it always does when you have to drive near it and have forgotten your sunglasses. And inside a certain tour van All Hell was Breaking Loose.

"Yui-sama!! Yui-Sama! Did you know that ryuuseisui can be used for more than whacking the crap outta people?? Huh? Well, yeah! Like, they can be used as handcuffs, yoyos…"

Oh gods. How the hell did I get *into* this!?? the damn show was OVER!! My manager said I could go HOME!! …I don't even want to *think* about how many episodes of Conan I'm missing for this…

"…Fishing lures, juggling balls…"

"Banging my head against the van window is a *bad* thing… banging my head against the van window is a *bad* thing…"

"… and a lotta times when I don't have money I just wave them around and people tend to give me free stuff… oops, sorry, Feather-Boy…"

"Dammit, Suboshi! …So anyway, Ashitare, as I was saying, the gold symbolizes- oh great Seiryuu! My makeup is running! Curse this humid climate! Nakago!! Nakagoooooo!!!! Have the lacky pull over!! I need a bathroom!! I must salvage my wondrous makeup job! Nakago!! Did you hear me?"

"… and did I tell you about the time when me and Aniki used them for-Ow! …okay, okay, I won't tell her about that! Sorry, Aniki…"

"Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh…" (Translation:"Ye Gods, when in all hell is that feathered dolt going to shut up? For the love of Seiryuu. And if that little twerp hits me *accidentally* with his flying yoyos *one* *more* *time*…)

"…and they make great* tennis balls…but only if you don't like your opponent very much…"

(muttering to himself) "Soon my Magic Rattle of Doom will be completed! And then the whole world-both of them, dammit!- will bow to ME!!! AHAAHAH!!! I just need to adjust the ki balance slightly… crud! Uhohhhhh….I *knew* I shouldn't have tried to do this in the van… oh well. Hope no one drops it, or things will *really* get messy. Oh wait. That would be entertaining. Maybe I'll give it to the crazy Boshi. Heheheh."

"… and then there was this one time when I got really bored and used them to- oops, sorry again, Tomo…"

"Why you little yoyo-flinging whack-job! Do you have any idea what a feather arrangement costs?!? Not to mention the time and resources it takes to get it to stick out of my head like this! As soon as this van stops and I can get back there without making a bigger mess of my makeup…!!!!!"

"Oh, Nakago, isn't this *romantic*? We're on vacation in Hawaii! Now maybe my outfit could even look somewhat normal! Hey look, all those high school girls are wearing even less than *me*! Wow! Is that even legal? Let's go to the beach! I can put sunscreen on your back. It would be almost as good as that time we had the whipped cream…"

"I will not blast them all to hell with a ki blast… That would be bad for ratings… or *would* it… I should ask the producers about that…"

Meanwhile, in the driver's seat, the tour guide, a very large man known as "Mauna Kea Kimo", blissfully ignored them all. As he drove, he hummed a happy little slack key song his Aunty Lani used to play, and dreamed of the all-you-can-eat buffet at his favorite Chinese restaurant. These guys looked kinda Chinese. Maybe they would want to stop there too…

…was that a cop car behind him?

He turned around (no small feat for a man nicknamed "Mauna Kea"), and saw that yes, in fact, it was. This day was turning out to be one real humdingah. He pulled over and the HPD pulled up beside him. Luckily, he recognized the cop. Then again, in Hawaii, that isn't very surprising. The cop got out and came up to his window. The seishi in the back were completely unaware that the van had even stopped, and went on with their individual tirades.

Kimo leaned out his window. "Hey, braddah. Somet'ing wrong?"

The cop was almost as big as Kimo. By this time, the Seishi had realized the situation, and now were listening intently. "Yeah, somet'ing's wrong. You aware da little guy in da back, he no get one seatbelt on."

All eyes turned on Miboshi, who was floating on a miasmic little cloud, about two feet off his seat. He was currently poking fiendishly at a gold rattle with a bizarre little instrument and muttering some words a priest is *definitely* not supposed to use. Not even an evil one. He felt their eyes and looked up. "Yes, Minions?"

The cop looked at Kimo. "Eh, Kimo, who deez guys? Dey don' look like normal tourists. An' why come that little guy who no get da seatbelt, he floating in da air? Dey one Chinese circus o' what?" he peered skeptically into the back of the van. The Seishi Glared back.

Nakago turned to Soi. "Is that English he's speaking? I can hardly make it out. Can you understand him?"

Soi hung her head. "I'm sorry, Nakago-sama, but I can't! I will never be worthy of you if I cannot understand a simple regional dialect. Oh, how I long to"-

A ryuuseisui appeared out of nowhere, smacking her hard upside the head. Suboshi sniggered. "Oops, sorry, Soi! Gotta watch where I fling those things." Quietly, he added, "See, Yui-sama? They can be *so* useful."

"Excuse me," said Miboshi, "but I do not find it necessary to wear a seatbelt. Even if we were to be killed in a car crash, I would simply leave this body and find a new one to possess. Now take this." He leaned forward and handed the rattle to the cop, who regarded it skeptically.

"You been drooleeng on dis?"

"Excuse me?" Miboshi looked at him blankly.

"Nevah mind. Deez guys too weiahd fo' me. Good luck, eh, Kimo." He turned and went back to his car, followed by eight confused looks. Well, seven. Miboshi wore an expression somewhat closer to glee than the others.

Back on the road, the communication between guide and Seishi wasn't working out too well.

"Eh, so weah' you guys like go? I could take you Diamon' Head, Waikiki, da North Shoah… Weah you like me fo' take you?"

Blank Stares.

"You guys understan' Engleesh o'what? Weah you like go?"

The Seishi were saved to trouble of translating this, however, when a large explosion took place several cars behind them. Naturally, it was the cop's car, and, naturally, Miboshi's rattle had everything to do with the explosion.

It had fallen off the passenger seat onto the floor when the cop had made a turn, and immediately, a large and menacing green and purple demon had materialized on the passenger side in an explosion of pink sparks. The demon roared, the cop shrieked, and the car swerved off the road. The demon quickly blew to door off in an explosion of tentacles and ooze, and made off down the street in search of masses to terrify.

In the van, Miboshi glanced around evilly. "You there, driver. Turn this thing around and take us to that large shopping complex I saw a couple blocks back. Step on it."

Kimo rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, "Tourists. Dey all like go Ala Moana. How come no one like go North Shoah and watch da rippahs, or go eat Chinese." Ah, if only he had gotten the Suzaku group. (… would that *really* have been any better?)

They found parking at Ala Moana and made their ways inside. Miboshi was peering around intently, as if looking for something. Every once in awhile he would mutter something about "The traffic must be slowing it down."

Yui practically flew through the large siding glass doors. "Stores! Shopping!! NORMAL PEOPLE!! YES!!! FINALLY!"

Suboshi was trailing behind her, Amiboshi pulling at his arm. "Let her go do her thing," he said. I see what looks like a yoyo store down there. Maybe you can get some blinking lights for your ryuuseisui." Without waiting for an answer, he started hauling Suboshi in the opposite direction from where Yui had disappeared.

They didn't get far.

They had gone about ten feet before they were surrounded by gawking girls.

"Make no sudden moves." Amiboshi muttered.

"Aniki, they look scary." Suboshi muttered back. This was true. As it happens, girls who are born and raised on small islands tend to react similarly as sharks do to particularly bloody chum when presented with a strangely-dressed, extremely attractive foreign boy. In this case, they were presented with not one, but two of said strangely-dressed, extremely attractive foreign boys (::ahem:: `scuse me. Just fanning myself off here.), who incidentally looked exactly the same.

The sharks closed in.

Soi had attached herself to Nakago's elbow as he scanned the map of the mall for stores specializing in the retail of anything to do with world domination.

"The Body Shop." That sounded promising. He made off for it, Soi still glomped leech-like to his arm, ignoring how the spikes on his shoulder pad would poke her ever time he took a step.

Tomo had made for the nearest Sephora as fast as he possibly could, and was now in heated debate with the salesgirl over what colors were "in" this season.

Ashitare was headed towards the food court, with thoughts of free samples, when a sign for a hair salon caught his beady little eye.

Miboshi just hovered and waited, attracting *lots*of stares from passersby, at whom he glared evilly, making them walk faster and wonder what sort of parent would leave their child unattended in a huge mall, floating on a cloud of noxious gas. Five minutes later, his fun began.

Actually, it began as a loud crash. Then another. Then a lot of frenzied screaming and the sound of running feet, followed by more crashing, getting closer. Finally, the glass doors burst open in a shower of pinkish sparks, and Miboshi's rattle-demon made its tentacly, gooey entrance.

Kiosks went flying, vendors taking to the hills with the rest of the terrified masses.

The thing was about twelve feet tall, and one big gelatinous blob of greenish purple ooze with the occasional tentacle flailing around from random places. It had several murky eyeballs attached at various angles, and lots of teeth.

As Miboshi watched in glee, it trawled its blobby way through a monogramming kiosk, coming out the other side with "I'm with Stupid" monogrammed onto a splotchy tentacle.

One level up, the Boshi twins had also taken to the hills, but for different reasons.

"I think they're gaining on us! Run faster!!"

"Can't you do something with that dorky flute of yours?!? Oh gods, they *are* gaining! Outta my way! Outta my way!!"

"Couldn't you have taken more of them out with your damn flying yoyos? That one you got really caught some air!"

"Woulda taken too long! Quick! Into that store there!"

They ducked inside just before the horde careened around the corner, and leaned against a wall gasping for air. When they could finally breathe normally again, Amiboshi looked around and said, "What *is* this place?"

Soi had followed Nakago to the Body Shop, where he had been very disappointed indeed.

"You mean, you don't have *anything* that I could use to kill people in my pursuit of world domination?" he asked a nervous looking saleswoman.

"Um… no… Sorry…" she stammered.

"Oh, it's alright, Nakago-sama! Let's get facials. Then you'll be so handsome that people will *let* you rule the world." (author gags while typing)

Nakago was about to protest that it wasn't as much the *ruling* as the *slaughtering and torturing on the way there* that he really liked, but Soi had already shoved him at the saleswoman, who looked about ready to drop her loofah and run.

Meanwhile, a S.W.A.T. team had been called in, and was currently trying to apprehend the demon, and failing miserably. Miboshi had gotten a bag of cookies at a deserted kiosk, and was now happily munching away as "I'm with Stupid" juggled S.W.A.T. team guys. This vacation was really turning out to be worthwhile.

Next Time:

What happens when:

Ashitare meets a hairdresser for the first time.

The Boshi Twins get fashion advice from Hot Topic employees.

Tomo disagrees with the personnel of Sephora.

Miboshi gets bored,

and Nakago gets moisturized.

Notes:

Ooookay. You're probly wondering what the hell that bizarre half-language was. that was "Pidgin". It's the localized dialect of English used in Hawaii. Vowels are longer. Words don't necessarily begin and end where they normally do in English. For full notes on this, go check out Zolac no Miko's "Miaka and the Suzaku Seven go to Hawaii!". In case I hadn't made it clear enough already, that's the sister fic to this, and she isn't as lazy as me, and wrote out all the notes on pronunciation, background, and general translation on all pidgin. This can be found in her chapter 6. you should read the fic anyway, tho, cuz it kicks ass, and makes mine more amusing (I need the help…). Oh yeah, and Mauna Kea is one of the two big mountains on the Big Island of Hawaii, where I live. Mauna Kea is the bigger one. So big, in fact, that it's actually bigger than Mount Everest (I heard that snort, lemme finish.) from below sea level. So technically it's the largest mountain in the world. Oh yeah, and Kimo is one of the most used local names ever. I hadn't read ZnM's ch.6 till after I wrote this, so our Kimo's are different. One last note. Sorry this is so long. The comment about it not being entirely uncommon for everyone to know the cops in Hawaii. Let me just say this: in Hawaii, everyone basically knows all the cops, or is related to one or many cops. Yes, we use this to get out of tickets. Also, a cop will never pull over someone with a Kamehameha Schools sticker on their car, or an HPD sticker. (Kam School is the Hawaiian heritage school. Big fancy thing.)