Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Seishi a la Mode ❯ Seishi a la Mode ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Seishi a la Mode
By Maxine Taylor

Your love, it's better than ice cream, better than anything else that I've tried
- Sarah McLachlan, "Ice Cream"

The sound of an empty piggy bank was definitely not music to Tasuki's ears. He shook it again, hoping against hope that there really was something hiding in there. As a reply, a dust bunny of unprecedented size flew out and up into his nose. The sneeze that followed would have measured a 7.5 on the Richter Scale, had anyone bothered to check. Moments later, Chichiri rushed into the room, ready to face whatever unspeakable evil had caused such a commotion. The sight of Tasuki, sprawled out on the floor, one hand clutching his nose and the piggy bank dangling limply from the other, sent the poor monk into hysterics.
"And here I thought there was some sort of trouble," he managed to say as he gasped for breath, "but all you did was sneeze, no da!"
"Hey, it's not my fault I'm allergic to dust," the bandit retorted. More seriously, he added: "but there really is trouble, serious trouble."
"What's that?"
"I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!" he yelled, thrusting out his arm and waving the piggy bank in the monk's face. He broke into quiet sobs. "What am I going to do?"
Chichiri pushed the pink porcelain pig away from his face and gave Tasuki what he thought to be an extraordinarily well-executed "tsk, tsk, will you ever learn?" look. He patted Tasuki condescendingly on the head. "You shouldn't drink so much, no da. It's expensive."
"But it's so yummy!"
"I'd lend you some cash, but all I've got isn't even enough for a drink, no da."
This confused Tasuki and put his tantrum on momentary hiatus. "But...but what do you spend it on? Where does it go?"
Chichiri shifted uncomfortably and looked out the window. "What a lovely day outside, no da. It's really hot, I could sure go for some ice cream."
Tasuki wouldn't let the matter slide that easily. "What do you spend it on? Tell me, tell me, tell me!"
"I know, let's go get some ice cream."
"I wanna know! Chichiriiiii," he whined, tugging on the edge of his friend's cloak from where he sat, in a heap, on the floor.
Chichiri conveniently seemed not to hear him. "We could go to Baskin Robins. I hear their Flavor-of-the-Month right now is sake. I've got enough money for that, no da."
Tasuki would have liked to further question Chichiri about his mysterious use of funds, but hurtling down the street dragging his friend behind him made that all but impossible.

Tasuki swirled his little pink plastic spoon around the inside of the near-empty cup, diligently scraping up the remaining ice cream. Chichiri watched him with only slight interest from across the small table, his chin resting gently in the palm of his hand. Tasuki tried to gaze back at him but found it extremely difficult to decide which Chichiri to focus on - there were so many! He licked his lips and put the spoon down.
"Well, that one's all done. I think just one more."
"You've already had..." Chichiri counted the empty containers strewn across the table and surrounding floor, "six."
"So I'll have one more. I like seven, it's my favorite number 'cause it's like a one but leaning to one side with a little thing on top." Tasuki sketched out a very large, very askew, imaginary number seven in the air above the table.
"You are incredibly drunk. I don't think you should have any more, no da. Besides, I'm all out of money."
Tasuki brought both his hands down hard onto the small, brightly colored table. "Don't lie to me!" He began to sob quietly. "You're always lying to me."
In way of reply, Chichiri flung his moneybag over to Tasuki, who snatched it up and shook it. He opened it and peered inside. He held it up to his ear. He inserted it partway into his mouth. Chichiri made a short, disgruntled noise and pulled it from his friend's mouth by the drawstrings still trailing down his chin. He wiped the moist bag on his thigh and returned it to its proper place.
Tasuki, meanwhile, had stumbled back over to the counter and was pressing his face up against it. Mouth open, he stared at the tub of sake-flavored ice cream, his tongue coming out occasionally to lick the glass. It was a hot day and the store was extremely crowded. Several customers watched him from the corners of their eyes, but none were brave enough to approach him.
Chichiri rose and came over to him, tugging gently on his arm. "You're making a scene, no da. Let's go."
"But, mommy, mommy, I want THAT one!" he whined, indicating the tub with his tongue.
"Oh for the love of the gods, keep your mouth closed, no da." The monk tried desperately to pull Tasuki away from the counter. Holding on to nothing but smooth glass, Tasuki was powerless to stop his friend from dragging him away. He begin to cry again, this time much more loudly. People openly stared and whispered to one another behind their hands, occasionally pointing in his direction. The seishi were only two or so feet from the door when Tasuki broke loose from the monk's hold and ran, as best he could, back to the counter. He pushed the man who was currently paying for his ice cream and reached across to the man behind the cash register. Grasping him firmly by the collar, he looked for all the world as if he were some sort of rabid wombat, a crazed, drunken wombat.
"I need sake ice cream, you gotta give it to me! If I don't get it, I'll...I'll...." Tasuki paused to think, a very difficult thing to do in his present condition.
The employee was at his wit's end. It was almost two o'clock and he had been working since nine, working alone since noon. The customers kept coming and coming in their relentless demand for ice cream and it was all he could do to keep up with him. To make matters worse, the school day was about to end and that meant that soon a stream of noisy, snot-nosed little children would be filtering in, crying "ice cream! ice cream!" in their tireless, squeaky voices. The mere thought of those grubby-handed brats made the man's skin crawl. Now, manhandled by a drunken lunatic, the employee's sanity snapped.
"Get your fucking hands off me! If you haven't got any money, you can get the hell out of this store!" He pulled away, but part of his uniform did not come with him. He looked down at the ripped shirt and then up again at Tasuki, who was clutching a handful of the man's garment. "You little shit!"
Despite his inebriated state, Tasuki still managed a very convincing low, menacing laugh. He reached behind him, pulling out, with dramatic slowness, his metal tessen. "What did you call me?" he growled, letting the scrap of shirt fall.
The employee looked nervously about him. He could not guess what the man would do with the small, metal fan, but he had a feeling it would not be pleasant.
Chichiri, standing with one hand on the door, watched the scene with growing dread. He was about to call out to Tasuki, but his voice was stopped by the burst of flames that shot out in front of him.
"LEKKA SHINEN!!!!"

Grumbling, Tasuki adjusted his plastic visor and scooped up yet another cone of ice cream. Tasuki's world had become an endless agony of ice cream. No longer feeling any of the euphoric effects of the alcohol, the bandit was fully, painfully, aware of the throbbing in his temples and the soreness in his scooping arm. He had no idea how many people lived in this city, but he was sure 99.9% of them had come through Baskin Robins in the last two hours. 31 flavors had become 31 variations of hell. Beside him, Chichiri was ringing up customers, his hat off to one side to accommodate his extraordinary bangs. He looked nearly as miserable as Tasuki.
Leaning against the walk-in freezer, the employee Tasuki had confronted (whose name, though it is of no real importance to the story, was Bob) watched his two new coworkers with a smug smile. It was evident he was enjoying himself. Periodically, while constructing yet another ice cream work of art, Tasuki would clutch the scoop and allow himself the pleasure of imagining himself driving it through the man's eye sockets.
There came, after a short while, a lull in the customers and Chichiri and Tasuki collapsed together against the counter.
"This sucks - there's no other word for it, it just plain sucks!"
"Well, we wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't burnt a third of the store, no da."
Tasuki was about to reply with some quip about burning in some place or another when Bob came up to them, wearing his contemptuous little smirk.
"You guys had better get back to work if you want to pay off the debt you owe the store. Lucky for you, you didn't do more damage, otherwise you'd be here for the rest of your lives!" The man snorted a short, nasal laugh.
"What do you mean "work?" There aren't any customers right now, no da."
"Yeah, so why don't you lay off of us you-"
Ignoring him, Bob thrust forward two buckets of soapy water and two long-handled mops. "There's more to working here than just dishing up ice cream. The walk-in freezer needs to be cleaned; there's spilt ice cream everywhere and it's made a horrible, sticky mess."
"Why the hell can't you do it?"
"Because it's my turn to work the counter."
Tasuki had opened his mouth to reply, but Chichiri elbowed him in the ribs, effectively turning what would have been a torrent of cursing into a coughing fit. The two men took their buckets and went back to the monolith that was the walk-in freezer. Opening the door, they peeked cautiously around the door.
The interior was unlit and anything they could distinguish was seen by the grace of the light coming through the door they were holding open. Shelf upon shelf of ice cream tubs greeted them like an army of silent soldiers. The floor, indeed, was a mass of frozen, sticky sludge; it didn't look like the place had ever seen a cleaning. Chichiri took the doorstop he found on the floor and wedged it under the door. The two men entered carefully and slowly, daunted by the task in front of them.
Bob, swamped once more with hungry customers, did not notice when the freezer's door pushed the doorstop (which was very old and not often used) aside and clicked back into place. Even if he had realized it, it is likely he still would have done nothing.
In any case, the freezer did not open from the inside.

When Tasuki had all but forced him into taking him out for ice cream, Chichiri had had an inkling that today would not be a good day.
When the fiery tempered (and exceedingly drunk) bandit had blown up a good portion of Baskin Robins and, as a result, forced both of them to work off their debt, Chichiri's inkling had grown into a hunch.
When the two of them had been relegated to the walk-in freezer, Chichiri's hunch had become an undeniable truth.
And, when the door closed, locking them both inside, Chichiri began to wish he had never gotten out of bed this morning.
Both the monk and the bandit heard the door closing or, more accurately, they sensed its closure with just enough time to look up and realize they were too late. There was a mad dash for the door, but it was futile. They found themselves plunged suddenly into darkness, running at top speed along a very unstable surface, unable to stop or even slow their momentum.
Two Suzaku seishi versus metal freezer door, round one.
Smack!
Score: seishi: 0, door:1.
Lying in a heap against the victorious door, it was obvious such a situation called for understanding, compassion, and teamwork.
"Stupid Fang Boy! This door doesn't open from the inside; you're going to get us killed, no da!"
"Me? How is this my fault?"
"How is it not your fault?"
"Don't turn this around on me! You're a monk, aren't you? So use your magic staff and get us the hell out of here!"
"You-" Breathing heavily, Chichiri restrained himself and started again. "If you hadn't realized, and apparently you hadn't, I don't have my staff with me, no da."
"What???" In the darkness, Tasuki's face contorted in shock. "You mean you don't carry it around with you everywhere you go?!"
Still strained: "No, Tasuki, I'm not like you, no da."
"Hey! What the hell is that supposed to mean? Well, me and my tessen are gonna get both of us out of here! Stand back."
Several moments of clumsy struggling followed, during which both Chichiri and Tasuki managed to disentangle themselves and rise to their feet. The irate monk took several steps backward and waited, listening carefully as Tasuki retrieved his metal fan and aimed in the direction he guessed to be the door.
"LEKKA SHINEN!"
Two Suzaku seishi versus metal freezer door, round two.
Sizzle.
Score: seishi: 0, door: 2.
Tasuki plopped down heavily, letting the tessen fall from his hand. "I guess fire weapons don't work too well in freezers."
Chichiri, who had silently been cursing his fate and the gods who had brought it upon him, roused himself and resolved to make the best of a bad - very bad - situation. "Well, they'll find us eventually, no da. We might as well start cleaning this place up."
"In the dark?"
"It shouldn't be too hard; the mess is everywhere, no da."
Grunting, Tasuki rose to his feet, sheathing the fan. The search for the two buckets and two mops was now on and, in pitch blackness, it proved to be more than they could handle. Chichiri, muttering quietly to himself, found his bucket first.
Splash!
"Chichiri, what the hell was that?"
"Ow, I found mine, no da," he answered from his new position on the ground.
Tasuki, apparently, found this incredibly funny. "Ha! You can cast spells, defeat enemies, even protect someone like Miaka, and you still fell in your own bucket! Hahahahahaha-"
Splash!
"Oh, damn it to hell!"
Chichiri couldn't help chiding his friend. "Now, if you hadn't lost your head back there and destroyed half the store, we could be home right now, warm and dry and happy, no da."
That was the last straw. Tasuki could take no more. Jumping to his feet and letting out a most admirable primordial bellow, he charged towards the door....
....And fell over Chichiri, who had remained where he had fallen.
Tasuki had the further misfortune of falling incorrectly and, as his head hit the iced-over floor of the freezer, one of his tiny fangs chipped.
Tasuki wailed into the floor. "My tooth! My cute little kitten fang!"
Chichiri tried to extricate himself from the heavy burden, who was now whimpering and making little mewing sobs. With a great effort he managed to roll the bandit off his chest, allowing the monk the chance to rise up on to his hands and knees. He realized, all of a sudden and with uneasiness, that Tasuki had stopped crying. The silence that followed was broken only by the gentle whirring of the freezer's fans.
"I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" Scrambling to his feet, his path now unobstructed, Tasuki rushed again at the door, fists swinging wildly.
Two Suzaku seishi versus a metal freezer door, round three.
Thud!
Score: seishi: 0, door: 3.
As Chichiri carefully picked his way over to his friend on hands and knees, he couldn't help but laugh. They always seemed to be getting into the strangest situations together. Finding the bandit slumped limply against the door, he patted his head and found a spot next to him. He searched for some consolatory words of wisdom, but the best he could do was, "well, it's a busy day today and sooner or later they'll have to come back here to get some more ice cream, no da."
"No, we're going to die in here. This is the face of my cold, dark, sticky hell."
Faced with a statement so devoid of any sort of hope, Chichiri could find no reply.
The minutes ticked by.
Without uttering a word of warning, Chichiri began removing his clothes.
Although he could not see his friend, Tasuki could guess what he was doing.
"What the hell are you doing? Put that back on! And that! Oh, good gods, that too!"
"Shut up. When I fell in the bucket, I got soaked and the water on my clothes is actually starting to freeze, no da."
Tasuki considered this carefully. "Yeah...but, if you take them off, won't you be even colder?"
"Maybe, but I won't be as wet. It's the lesser of two evils, no da."
"Hmm...You have a point there."
Tasuki began unceremoniously to remove his likewise sodden garments.
They sat.
In a freezer.
In total darkness.
Completely naked.
Tasuki, shivering, inadvertently moved closer to Chichiri. Noticing what he had done, the bandit jerked himself back to his former position, hoping that his friend hadn't noticed. He had.
"I'm cold too, no da."
"I'm not a pervert."
"I didn't say you were."
"It's just that body heat is the only warmth in this place."
"I know. It's ok, no da."
Reluctantly, Tasuki edged closer, only to find that Chichiri had already halved the distance between them. Cautiously scooting closer and closer, they finally found one another in the dark. Pressing their naked bodies against one another, absorbing the other's body heat, they each grew fractionally warmer.
And a great deal more uncomfortable.
"This doesn't mean anything, no da."
"Right. And this never leaves the freezer."
"Agreed. So much for cleaning, no da."
"Yeah."
It was not the first time such a promise had been made inside the Baskin Robin's freezer. And, most likely, it would not be the last.

It was common knowledge that Nakago was the mysterious, scheming leader of the Seiryuu seishi. It was not common knowledge that he had a very large sweet tooth.
And, on this extremely hot, humid day, this tooth was giving him an enormous amount of trouble. He had tried to ignore it, but to no avail. He needed sugar and he needed it now. Forced to temporarily drop his plans for world domination, he scrounged up $3.50 in small coins he found under the couch (along with the remote that had been pronounced M.I.A. earlier that week) and hopped into his car. Wasting no time, he turned the key in the ignition and put the pedal to the metal.
And went absolutely nowhere.
It was only then that he realized the needle pointing to the red E on his gas gauge.
"Well, son of a bitch!"
Nakago banged his head in defeat against the steering wheel, which produced a satisfyingly loud and obnoxious honk from the horn.
He would have dropped the idea of ice cream, but it was so hot and his tooth was so persistent that he could focus on nothing else.
There was nothing he could do but bum a ride from one of the other seishi. It humbled him to think that he, great military general and phenomenal ki-projector that he was, would be forced to rely on an inferior being for a ride to Baskin Robins. Disgusted with himself, he began his search for another one of Seiryuu's chosen.
When Ashitare was the only one to be found, he cursed his luck. Loudly.
But there was nothing he could do.
The beastman seemed happy enough to take him, although his burbling and soft growling could surely have meant almost anything.
Sliding into the passenger seat of Ashitare's rather beat-up old Chevy, he realized, with a start, that, until today, he hadn't realized Ashitare could even drive.
Little did he know, the day would be full of surprises.

The sight of the tall, blond man walking through the door was enough to make Bob wince. He knew what was coming. The ice cream scoop knew what was coming.
Nakago made his way nonchalantly over to the counter, Ashitare trailing mutely behind him. There was a moment of silence as the two men stared at one another over the counter.
"Bob," Nakago said, by way of a greeting.
"Nakago."
Slight pause.
"You want the usual?" Didn't even really need to ask.
"All 31 luscious flavors."
Bob couldn't control the tremor of disgust that passed down the entire length of his body. "Whatever you want. Does...uh...he want anything?" Bob made a vague gesture to the beastman staring placidly at his own reflection in the glass of the counter.
"Um...yeah...get him some...uh...cookies 'n cream."
It was just an educated guess, but Ashitare seemed happy with the decision Nakago had made.
"All right, but let me change out some of these ice cream containers. Whole damn town's been in this place today." He moved away from the counter, still mumbling to himself. "And where the hell are those two jackasses? I sent them in to clean that damn freezer over an hour ago. Probably snuck their lazy asses out of here."
As he was pulling open the large freezer door, it occurred to him that it shouldn't actually be closed. But before he had a chance to consider this, or anything else, the door was open.
And the two naked Suzaku seishi who had been propped up against it fell gracelessly to the floor.
In his four years at Baskin Robins, Bob had seen stranger things, but not much stranger.
Nakago, although some distance away, had a clear view of the freezer. He allowed himself a quiet chuckle. Oh, if anything, these Suzaku guys were always good for a laugh.
Despite the fact that they were nearly petrified with the cold, both Tasuki and Chichiri wasted no time in scrambling for something to cover their nakedness with. The two mops were the only things close at hand and their large wooden handles worked well enough. As long as neither man turned one degree to the right or left, that is.
Nakago, noticing that this was a very embarrassing moment for the two of them, and realizing that they both probably felt completely vulnerable and violated, took what he considered to be the best course of action. From the depths of his cloak, he retrieved his all new, digital camera. Why not preserve this moment for eternity with state-of-the-art technology?
As the others looked on in mute horror, Nakago moved the camera around until he had the perfect shot lined up on the LCD screen.
"Hey! What the fuck do you think you're doing! Disgusting pervert!" Tasuki screamed. Balling his hands into angry fists, he raised both his arms in protest...and watched in horror as the mop, unsupported, fell to the ground.
All Chichiri could manage was a low groan and a silent prayer for a sudden stroke.
Tasuki's misadventure with his mop only made Nakago's grin even broader. "I think I'm gonna put these on the web! I'll start my own website! I can call it www.seishinudeypics.com! Don't worry guys - I'll be sure to give you credit where credit is due."
Another evil giggle and a few more pictures.
Something in Chichiri and Tasuki snapped. The idea of such worldwide exposure did not sit well with them. Without saying anything, without even looking at one another, they flew into action simultaneously.
Using their mops as pole vaults, the two seishi flew over the counter, both landing heavily on Nakago and his camera. Ashitare, too stupid to help his master, scurried away and watched the unfolding scene from a safe distance. Bob, morbidly fascinated, tried to look away, but found he could not.
Not that there was much to see. It was a blur of blond hair, naked flesh, and, in the end, flying bits and pieces of a digital camera. When it was all over, both Suzaku seishi had managed to wrestle away enough of the seiryuu seishi's clothing to decently cover themselves. Nakago, lying bruised and battered on the floor, was now wearing nothing except his pink-heart covered boxer shorts. Around him lay the smashed fragments of the digital camera, its treasures lost forever.
Tasuki and Chichiri, unprepared and unwilling to deal with whatever would come next, bolted out the front door.
Ashitare dumbly watched them go.
Nakago began to sob like a little girl.
Bob hit his head, gently but repeatedly, against the side of the freezer.
"I need a fucking vacation," he murmured.

Tasuki lay stretched out on Chichiri's bed, the upper half of his body hanging off the side and his hands chasing one another idly across the floor. Across the room, the monk sat quietly writing in a journal. Tasuki guessed he was documenting their Baskin Robins adventure, but he made no mention of it. While in the freezer, they had agreed never to mention it to anyone, and they had already come to a tacit understanding that they would not even discuss it between themselves.
Which was just fine with Tasuki.
He was already working quite hard to forget it. He had convinced himself he had not left home today. He persuaded himself into believing that he had never heard the name Baskin Robins. In fact, currently, he was telling himself, over and over again in his mind, that he didn't even know what ice cream was.
The satisfying full feeling in his stomach and the slight buzzing in his head, however, begged to differ.
The bandit stretched his arms up off the floor and out in front of him, letting loose an enormous yawn. Unfortunately, his equilibrium could not compensate for this new, more precarious position. Tasuki teetered and, without even enough time to cry out, half-slid, half-rolled over the edge of the bed, coming to land in a surprised heap on the floor. He let out a soft groan and tried to raise his head, which was now shoved partially under the bed.
From the black depths, a face stared back at him.
"Ahhhhh! There's a little me under your bed! Kill it! Kill it!"
Adrenaline pumping, Tasuki propelled himself back and into a sitting position, ready for a fight. Chichiri looked silently on, chewing nervously on the cap of his pen, glancing from Tasuki to the bed. Several tense moments passed.
Nothing happened.
The wheels were turning in Tasuki's head. More accurately, the wheels were slowly grinding against one another, rusty and in desperate need of oiling.
"Hey...wait a second. A little...me?" Slowly, Tasuki reached for his tessen and inched closer to the bed.
"Maybe you shouldn't do that, no da...." Chichiri chewed his pen a little more vigorously.
Using his fan as a probe, Tasuki thrust his arm back under the bed, feeling around cautiously in the darkness.
When the tessen hit something solid, he knew he had found again whatever it was he had seen.
When he moved the weapon over the object, he could tell it was indeed very small.
And when he jabbed the unidentifiable thing, it became very obvious that it was extremely...soft?
"What the hell?" Employing the fan now as a scoop, he carefully brought out what he had discovered.
It was a small Tasuki plush doll, perfectly detailed and absolutely adorable.
For a moment, the bandit was overcome with glee. He jostled the toy around, made it dance, rubbed his nose against it, talked to it like a doting mother would talk to her child. But curiosity mixed with a little suspicion soon shoved amusement off the center stage in Tasuki's brain.
Chichiri looked on, silently, like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi.
"Wait a second.... Why do you have a plushie of me under your bed?"
"Um...well....strange story, that. Long, uninteresting story. With big words, no da...."
Ignoring his friend's shoddy attempt to divert attention away from an explanation, Tasuki crawled back under the bed, all the way under, until only his lower legs and feet were visible.
"Got any other me stuff under here?" he asked, half joking.
Several minutes later, he pulled the last item out, added it to the heap, and leaned back against the side of the bed. He surveyed the hoard that surrounded him, amusement now completely replaced by a sinking sort of fear.
"UFO catcher... trading cards... pencil boards... stickers... mini lunch box.... Hey, I didn't know I had a mini lunch box!" Tasuki looked up slowly from the pile to his friend, afraid of what was to come. "Why do have all this merchandise with me on it?"
The monk removed the now mangled pen from his mouth and tapped it gently against his chin. "Um...."
He didn't really need to say anything, Tasuki already knew the answer.
"You have a thing for me, don't you!"
"No!"
"That's where all your money's been going, isn't it?!"
"No!"
"That's why you're always pretending to get scared so you have to come sleep in my bed, isn't it?!"
"What?!?!?!"
Tasuki laughed. "Just seeing if you were paying attention."
"There is no way I like you, no da. I mean, I like you, but I don't like you. Not like that... not like... " The monk was getting flustered and the pen was receiving the brunt of this frustration.
Despite the fact that he was feeling somewhat uncomfortable, Tasuki tried to help him out by flashing him a big, understanding smile. "It's all right, I understand. Why wouldn't you like me? Poor guy, you had to keep it a secret all this time. But I better tell you now that it'd never work. I don't swing that way, if you know what I mean. But it is flattering, believe me, it is"
Chichiri, with no real means, or reason, to defend himself, folded his arms on the desk he was sitting at, laid his head against them, and sobbed.
Tasuki looked at the monk uncertainly. Mixed with his feeling of unease, blending with it, was a feeling of guilt. It seemed wrong to have invaded this man's privacy, even if he had done so unintentionally. He rose to his feet, careful not to disturb any of the items around him, and tiptoed over to his friend.
His hand raised, ready to comfort the stricken Chichiri, his eye was caught by the open diary laying on the desk.
Before he could stop himself, he read the first two lines:

Dear Diary,
Today the most wonderful thing happened....

The queasy feeling that had been running around in Tasuki's stomach for the last few minutes finally overpowered him and he passed out.