Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Sunrise Reminiscing ❯ Hurt N' Shame ( Chapter 8 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Sunrise Reminiscing

Chapter 8. Hurt N' Shame

By: Gator A. Ri

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I'm not sure how long I laid on the floor before I could make myself move.

Plip. Plip. The sound of the tears that were still running out of my eyes seemed to be the only part of me that could function at this point. My brain was frozen from the shock of what had just happened.

The only thing that I could even think to do was crawl onto my bed and pull the covers over me so I could cry myself into exhaustion, for maybe in the morning I would wake up and find all of this to just be a dream.

I never did hear Tasuki come back for by that time I was in that blessed blackness of sleep, the place where there were no dreams, no feeling, just black upon black.

The next thing that I knew was the digital numbers of the clock were staring me in the face. I had hardly even slept, as heavy as it had been, and I could tell I had tossed and turned in it for my covers were twisted about my body.

Rolling over I put my hands behind my head, fingers laced together, and stared at the bunk above, my mind racing with thoughts and images from the night before. No, it was just a nightmare I lied to myself. But just the same I felt a tear squeeze out of my eye and the hurt well up inside me, along with the dreaded emotion of fear.

I never had thought that I would have found myself in a situation like this or have anything like this happen to me, but of course isn't that the irony of life?

I became very still as I heard a sigh in the bed above mine, I couldn't really believe it, he came back…after what he had almost done…he came back.

A tremor of anxiety ran through me as I quietly got out of my bed and grabbed some clothes before heading into the bathroom for my shower.

It wasn't until I was standing in front of the mirror that I noticed the torn shirt still hanging from my scratched form, his nails had been wicked. I fingered one of the red lines tenderly and winced as it sharply stung. Turning from the image I turned my attention away from this to try and beat down the emotions.

After the shower I donned my clean clothes and made my way back into the room to gather what I would need for he day and headed out the door. If I could help it I wouldn't see Tasuki ever again.

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I awoke with a feeling of dread and what could more than likely be passed off as guilt swirling around inside of me. Honestly I hadn't exactly slept, it had been more a trance.

I still couldn't believe my actions from the night before. Beating someone up was one thing but to almost rape them was something entirely different.

I shouldn't have let him push me that far but…I did, *What is he going to do about it?* I wondered.

"Chichiri?"

"Hey, Chichiri?"

Silence.

I sighed and thought that maybe he was just ignoring me, of course who could blame hi now? Leaning over the side of my bed I peeked down into his to find it empty. This caused me to blink and look at the clock, 6 a.m., that was early even for him.

I guess it really hit me then, how much I must've hurt him. This caused tears to run down my face and fall to the carpet below.

"At least now I've given you a reason to hate me," I said through the moisture.

This going to take more than just an apology to clear things, for he hated me to begin with and now it was more than likely multiplied ten fold.

After the stream of water had finally passed I moved myself into the shower hoping that the water would wash away my shame. It didn't.

I didn't care how much I despised him now, it just seemed so childish in the new light of things. I had to forget about it and move on, otherwise it would never get resolved and this is something that would eat me alive if I just let it alone.

The water ran cold against my skin before I finally shut it off. I really needed someone to talk to right now but Jon and I were already having problems and Derek would never help me, looked like I was on my own.

I let out a deep sigh as I pulled on my clothes, maybe I could talk to on of Chichiri's friend. That is if they would let me.

Well, no time to find out like the present.

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After walking around the still and dark campus for a few hours I finally made my way over to the nurse's office to have my cuts checked out.

She looked up from her desk as she heard my footsteps coming.

"May I help you?" she asked.

I nodded, "Yes, I have some cuts that need to be checked."

She gave me a quizzical look before nodding and asking for my name so that she could get my file.

Then she motioned for me to follow her into the examination room.

"You can put your things here by the door," she said as she closed it behind me.

Slipping my bag off my shoulders I let it down where she indicated and then took a seat on the little examination table.

"Well, let's get a look at these," the woman said as she pull on some rubber gloves.

I nodded and slowly unbuttoned my shirt to reveal the red cuts that covered my chest.

Coming over she looked at them, "How did you get these?"

My brain froze, I had been so busy the last few hours with trying to forget what had happened that I hadn't thought about being asked how I had been injured. But I couldn't tell her the truth! That would be too embarrassing and what would my family say?

"A cat at the animal shelter got me," I finally said, knowing it sounded pretty unlikely since they had much sharper nails than humans.

"Hmmmm…I see," the nurse responded, "Well, I'll give you a shot and some anti-biotic cream but that's about all I can do."

I nodded in relief glad that she wasn't going to probe any further, "That's fine."

After receiving the shot and the cream I buttoned my shirt and grabbed my bag.

"Thank you," I said as I made my way out the door, at least now I didn't have to worry so much about getting infect with some weird disease.

As I walked back outside I noted that the sun was getting above the horizon, symbolizing the start of a new day, a new and very miserable day. I stopped and let my eyes adjust to the brightness of the overly cheerful rays before I walked over to a fountain and took a seat on a bench to think.

What was I going to do?

I couldn't go to the police, they would just make things worse and would surely tell my parents. I could no let them find out, they would think it was my fault, besides that I had a bigger reason for them to not find out. I didn't really want to tell my friends but…maybe Anda would help me, he did before after all.

I looked at my watch, too late for breakfast now, not that I was hungry anyway, and besides I needed to get to class.

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I entered the commons and looked around for the guys that Chichiri always hung out with, hoping that the…my mind stopped I couldn't think of him like that anymore.

Upon spotting the table where the group had gathered I looked closer and was relieved to find that my roommate was not among the faces.

I felt a queasiness that I had never felt in my stomach before. Why was I hesitating? I had never hesitated with anything before but my confidence had disappeared. I was nervous for the first time in my life I was nervous.

Taking a deep breath I got control of myself best as I could and started my way through the crowd not stopping until I reached the table.

"Can I help you?" came the question from a Chinese boy, the one I had seen Chichiri with the most.

"Um…" I started as all at the table turned to look at me, "Have ya seen Chichiri?"

Well, it was a start at least.

The all shook their heads, "Nope, have not seen him," the oriental one replied, "And I do not see why he would want to see you anyway."

I just gave a shrug, "He's th' one I wanna talk to but since ya haven' seen him…" I turned and walked away, not wanting to tell them anything that Chichiri wouldn't want them to know.

I grunted at myself as I walked towards my first class. What the hell did I really care? Guess the actions of a moment could change the view on someone.

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Finally it was my lunch break and I could go get some food. I was starving after not having any breakfast and I knew Anda had a break now too, so I could probably talk to him.

Unfortunately I had also forgotten that Brent had no classes at this time as well. And thus when I got to the table I had to think fast upon where I had bee at breakfast.

"I over slept after staying up really late to study," I lied after he had asked where I was.

Anda gave me an odd look but said nothing for a while as we three ate our lunch.

Then Brent piped up, "Do you know why your roommate would come looking for you but not for you?"

I gave him a quizzical look, "What do you mean?"

"He came this morning and asked about you but didn't want to talk to you."

I shrugged trying to act like it didn't bother me, "Told you he was a baka."

A twinge went through me, maybe the little twit was going to apologize to me. Well, no amount of that could make up for what he almost did. He fit in very well with what had happened last year.

Anda then spoke up, "Brent, do you not have someplace else to be?"

Brent look in between Anda and I before nodding, "Uh…yeah in fact I have a class."

Getting up he gathered his things, "Well, I'll see ya guys later at supper," with that he then disappeared with in the crowd of people and tables.

And then turned to look at me, his face concerned, "Did something happen?"

I shook my head.

A frown crossed over his olive colored face, "I do not believe you. If I right something happen between you and Tasuki, yes?"

Remembering that I had resolved to talk to Anda about the recent events, mainly to get some of the hurt out, I finally nodded, "But can't we talk some place else?"

"Sure."

Getting up we took care of our trays and headed towards the atrium and our usual bench that was hidden with in the foliage of the trees and other plants.

"So, what is wrong, my friend?" Anda asked as we sat down.

Taking a deep breath to buy me some courage, I had been doing this a lot today, I let it out and so the story came with it.

Anda listened politely the whole time I talked and nodded as I finally finished.

"This a very bad situation, that it is," my friend agreed, "I think that you should talk to Tasuki."

I shook my head, "I don't think that I can. I don't even want to see him."

"What about the tutoring?"

"There's only about two weeks left. I can miss one or two session. I will not face him, not yet and I don't know if I ever really can."

"I smell fear, my friend."

"Maybe so but it didn't happen to you," I half admitted, "College just seems to have it out for me, Anda."

Looking at my watch I rose, "Well, I must get to class," with a wave I walked off not feeling and better than before I had talked to Anda. He had said exactly what I knew he would, maybe he was right but so was I for it was me whom was going through this not him.

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Finally I was out of my last class for the day and headed for the common for a quick bite to eat before heading to my lesson with Chichiri.

My stomach clenched at the thought of him, would he actually show?

As I walked in the door, I sensed someone by my side, looking over I saw that it was Anda.

"Here," he said, "I know you would come back again for talk but I will not put my friendship with Chichiri into trouble. So here is note. Read and if you have any question slip note back."

After I took the piece of folder paper, he quickly disappeared with in the sea of students.

Shoving the paper in my pocket I vowed to read it while I ate my supper, however, the note quickly left my mine as I got my food and went to sit with Derek while I ate.

A few minutes later I waved to him and dumped the trash off my tray before heading over to the library. I really doubted that he would show but it was worth a try.

Upon entering the library, I walked over and sat at the usual table in my usual seat, and then I waited.

Getting bored I decided to get my pocketknife out to but as I was reaching for it I felt something else in my pocket, a piece of paper? Puzzled I pulled it out and then berated myself for being so forgetful.

Checking to make sure that no one was watching or coming near my table, I opened it and read what my recent adversary's best friend had to write.

Tasuki,

Chichiri is very ups over what happened. No mere apology

will smooth it out. You have dug big hole for yourself. My

advice is: Give Chichiri space and some time to cool off.

Signed,

Anda

I sighed this wasn't looking good for me and what was looking even worse was the fact that Chichiri was not showing up. Aggravated with circumstances I got up and took the long way back to the room, just to give myself time to think.

I don't know what I hoped as I turned the key in the lock but either way it didn't matter as the door swung open to reveal a dark and empty room.

Guess, I honestly shouldn't have been surprised. I guess that if he wanted space then I was going to give it to him.

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I didn't show up for the rest of the week for the tutoring sessions with Tasuki.

I just couldn't do it, I was afraid and for the first time in my life I was going to let that fear overtake me. I also let it control on when I would go to the room, usually leaving early in the morning and not returning it until late.

But today I knew that I needed to go and be the mature tutor and show the pig that what happened is put behind me and I didn't give a rip about it. It would be a lie but…I had been doing that all semester to my family so what would it hurt this time? Besides Christmas break was after this week and I could almost taste my freedom, so no it would not hurt not for freedom it wouldn't.

Usually I got out of work in time to go eat supper before the tutoring session and today was no different but I was just too anxious to try and eat right now.

So, I just went straight for the library and took a seat where I always did during these sessions.

Pulling out one of my books I tried to focus on reading it as the hands on the clock slowly made their journey.

"Surprised to see ya here," came that all too familiar voice, "Course yer lucky I even bothered ta come."

I tried not to act startled at the sound of his voices as I put on my best mask of ice.

"I am like wise surprised to see you," I responded in an even tone, "I'm sorry that the word of last week's meetings being canceled did not get to you."

He snorted as he sat down and started rifling through his bag.

With nothing else being said, I swallowed my fear and anxiety as we started and I was only all too happy to have it end.

Gathering my things I turned and started to walk towards the door when I felt a light tap on my shoulder, "Chichiri?"

Stopping I turned and glared at no one other than him, "What?"

"I…" he looked down a moment, licking his lips before looking back up at me, "I am really sorry, Chichiri."

I snorted, "Don't touch me," and then I continued walking, not caring at that point and once again hardening my heart.

* * * * *

The rest of that week passed along with exams and then it was time to pack up my Ranger and head home for a month until winter semester started. A whole month with out the likes of Tasuki haunting me wherever I went, a month of complete and total freedom.

With the last of my laundry and anything else that I would need packed and loaded I went and said good bye to my friends. Then I hit the road with out looking back.