Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ The Girl Who Didn't Believe ❯ Help Me Save Me ( Chapter 36 )

The Girl Who Didn't Believe

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the FY characters. They belong to Yuu Watase. I do own Kitten and Sable though.

`…' = thoughts

//…// = telepathic conversation

########## = at another place

^^^^^^^^^^ = recall

********** = dream sequence

@@@@@@@@@@ = mirror projection

A little translation here…

Shiawase----Be happy

That's all, minna-san!! Enjoy!!

Chapter 36-Help Me Save Me

Chichiri….

Chichiri…

The blue-haired seishi turned at the sound.

Long lashes parted to reveal huge green eyes filled with quiet joy.

Atashi wa aishiteru…aishiteru honto, honto…

Instinctively, Chichiri reached out to the girl.

"Sable," the seishi husked. "Boku wa…I-"

But before his hands could touch her dove-soft cheek, the brunette wrenched away from him, avoiding him like a plague. Instantly, the man snatched back his hand, as if it was the cause of her withdrawal.

"Sable?" Chichiri asked uncertainly. "Daijoubu ka?"

The girl had turned away; and her back faced him.

"I hate you."

"Nanda?"

`Iie, this is happening again. It always happens now…no…no-'

Sable turned to face him, and Chichiri was anguished to see revulsion and disgust on her pretty face.

"I said that I hate you." Keeping her voice low and venomous, the brunette began listing all of the seishi's faults.

"You are so selfish; always wallowing in your own guilt. Do you think that your dead bitch of a fiancée and your just as dead lousy best friend would give a damn? You are such an idiot; you did not even see the relationship between your BEST friend and your FIANCEE even though it was happening right under your very nose. How blind is that? But I guess that you-"

`Stop it, Sable!! Stop it!! I thought that you told me that everything was past already and should be forgotten? Stop it…onegai…'

"-never cared about anything unless it concerns yourself, huh? Knowing the selfish bastard that you are, you must have been floating in your own little cloud, heedless of the misery of others. I wonder what Suzaku had ever seen in the likes of you. You think that ridiculous fool of a mask could hide your sin from the rest of the world?"

Green eyes that had regarded him with over-flowing love just moments ago burned over in condescension, and almost immediately, the seishi found himself feeling more and more inadequate and unworthy.

`I beg you, please stop now!!' His mind screamed; overloaded with painful memories that had been brought forth by the scathing insults. `Anyone else criticizing my actions I can bear; but not you, Sable. Never you. Why are you doing this to me?'

Chichiri felt himself clamming up, the emotions flowing rapidly out of his face, leaving behind a cold and expressionless countenance.

"I think that you are a disgusting and pathetic being. You don't even deserve the gift of life, let alone me." The brunette gave a harsh laugh.

"Did you really think that I am in love with you? Fat hope!! Why would I love an ugly and scarred gargoyle like you?" Green eyes narrowed, and out of no where, Sable produced a sharp knife and threw it onto the ground beside where he was standing. "Why don't you just do the world a favor by getting rid of garbage like yourself? It sure as hell would make me very happy."

Chichiri felt like he was dying inside. His heart ripped apart and slowly bleeding to death.

Did she really hate him that much? Desolately, the blue-haired seishi eyed the lethal weapon. If she really did, then maybe he wouldn't mind plunging this knife into his heart. Anything would feel better compared to this terrible heartache that he is experiencing now. Maybe it would be for the best. Maybe if he died, then she would be happier. Maybe if he gave up, then everything would finally pass, and she would not hate him anymore for all the hurt that he had inflicted on her.

Maybe…

Chichiri found himself reaching down and slowly picking up the weapon. Mesmerized by its shiny surface and lethal sharpness, Chichiri brought it nearer to have a closer look at it. Consecutively, he raised his other hand and slowly presented his wrist before the knife. He looked at the brunette then; and was disheartened to see Sable watching with a smirk on her face.

"Go on," She urged. "I do not have all the time in the world, you know? Hayaku."

Chichiri shut his eye.

If this is what would give her back the smiles which he had unwittingly taken away from her when he had hurt her time and again…

Then so be it.

With a sigh, the seishi lowered the knife despite his mind's screams for him to stop.

Under the close scrutiny of Sable, the dagger descended slowly till it rested on the smooth under flesh of Chihciri's wrist.

"What are you waiting for?!!" The girl demanded angrily. "Che. I should have known that are too much of a coward to kill yourself. Scared of death, huh?"

Chichiri only looked on expressionlessly at the brunette.

"Boku wa…I guess that I just wanted to say goodbye." There were no reaction from the girl; only impatience, and Chichiri forced himself to continue, albeit a little shakily. "I just want to say that whatever you do, please be happy. Shiawase, Sable, whatever you do, I will always love you."

The knife when down, slicing through arteries and veins.

Dispassionately, the seishi watched as his life blood flew out of him. Wearily, he closed his eye and allowed himself to sink to the ground. Already, he felt his consciousness slipping.

"Shiawase…Sable." Chichiri managed to force those last words from his suddenly thick and swollen tongue before he let go of his consciousness.

But just before his world turned black, the seishi heard his salvation.

"IIE!! CHICHIRI!! I DON'T HATE YOU!! Atashi wa aishiteru…aishiteru honto, honto…"

##########

Crimson eye snapped open.

What the hell was that dream about?

Chichiri growled in frustration. He had been getting the same dream over and over again for the past one week. It was obvious that the onna in his dreams was the same one whom he was supposed to kill.

`Not that I could I actually do any thing to that annoying wretch,' the blue-haired seishi smirked humorlessly. `seeing that I am being restrained by these dratted bonds and all…'

For the past week, the Elementals had stayed with the girls and the Suzaku seishi as they had deemed their situation most worthy of their help, and the shibo no kusuri-induced Chichiri had been controlled from day one. He was always bound up in Elemental Magic and was being watched at all times. His fellow seishi and friend, Tasuki, always came over to talk to him everyday, and it seemed to the redhead that this Chichiri behaves exactly like the old one. It was confounding, and Tasuki always tried to use those sessions to persuade the older man to wake up from the effects of the drug. For the reason of confining Chichiri, the entire group had been moved to the more remote parts of Sairo; a small, near deserted village at the edge of the vast desert that makes up a large part of the tiger god's domain.

It turns out that Chichiri usually behaved himself unless when put in the same room as Sable, and then, he will react. Violently. His aggression had upset the brunette at first, but gradually, she seemed almost immune to him, much to his frustrations. Sable would converse with him normally, as if he was not acting up like some crazed lunatic.

He decided then that he hated her with a passion.

But why this dream then?

At that thought, Chichiri frowned harder.

"My dream self is such an idiot, to have trusted a two-faced bitch like her." The seishi cannot understand why ever his other self would love this disgusting woman so much that he was willing to tolerate her abuse and would even willingly kill himself for her.

But he did, for the life of him, he did understand why. For he remembered that part of the dream…

The seishi's anger faded away.

There was this part of the dream, the very last part…

RECALL

"IIE!! CHICHIRI!! I DON'T HATE YOU!! Atashi wa aishiteru…aishiteru honto, honto…"

RECALL

Chichiri shook his head furiously.

`What the hell are you doing?' his mind demanded. `You are supposed to hate her, not think of reasons to like her!!'

Chichiri did not remember much of his time spent with Sable; but the vague and fleeting images in his mind told him that he had not always spent his life hating her.

`Demo…demo there is something about her that is very familiar…' His heart cried out for him to remember, and for a fleeting moment, the blood-red pupil dilated and its color shifted...

//There is nothing familiar!! You are born to hate her, and that is what you should do, stop thinking foolish thoughts!!//

The seishi jolted from his inner thoughts.

`I hate her…' Murky scarlet eye sharpened with mercenary clarity as Chichiri's objective becomes clear to him again.

"I hate her."

##########

In the realm of the gods…

Byakko stared at the mirror screen with haughty satisfaction. For a moment there, the tiger had been given the scare of his life. For a moment, Byakko had thought that the seishi Chichiri was about to fight off the shibo no kusuri, something that no mortal had ever done. But Chichiri had almost done it, and it had been an unconscious effort too!

Golden eyes narrowed.

From now on, he is going to keep a closer watch on this puppet of his; although he had not fought against Suzaku directly, he knew something; the phoenix's seishi are a dangerous bunch, well known for going against all odds.

"You know, aniki, I think that you are being too hard on them." Genbu raised an eyebrow at his brother. "Careful, Byakko, you are starting to treat this as more than just an amusing game."

Byakko growled in frustration then; he threw his hands in the air and paced around in the most flighty manner.

"Of course this is not a game!!" The god of Sairo roared, aggrieved. "It had not been a game since…since…" The white tiger turned red and sputtered to a furious stop.

"Since your beloved, never-fail-me, always perfect daughter, Saki, decided to switch sides?" Genbu looked on with amused apprehension; he had never seen Byakko pitching such a huge fit before, and it was a morbidly interesting experience, so as to say.

"Exactly!!" Byakko continued his tirade. "I cannot believe that Saki would do this to me. It must be Seiryu's Elementals who had led her astray, damn them."

Genbu stared mouth agape at his brother. Then shaking his head, he muttered to himself. "Byakko really is the definition of `Blind to the Obvious'."

It was clear to everyone that Saki had left to help the other group as she have had enough of Byakko's inattention. Obvious to everyone but Byakko that is.

"What are you saying?" Said tiger stopped in mid-rant to turn to look at the turtle.

"Anou…iie, nan demo nai." Genbu replied quickly. "I am just thinking of our ridiculous circumstance."

A white brow lifted.

"Ridiculous?"

"Yeah." Genbu had not taken noticed of Byakko's suddenly silky tone. "A few years back, it was Suzaku against Seiryu with us at the sideline; and now it is us older gods pitted against the younger ones."

"Too BAD. It is their fault that they chose for it to be that way, not mine!!" The white tiger hissed venomously, startling Genbu with his viciousness.

The oldest god merely rolled his eyes. Yup, that is Byakkie-poo all right, never could stand the thought of losing. A sore loser was what the god of Sairo really is, contrary to belief.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." Genbu waved his hands airily. "Knowing your mood now, it would be impossible to ask of you to cut them some slack. Just make sure that you leave enough of them unscathed for me to play with later."

##########

"Daijoubu ka, Sab?"

Kitten looked anxiously at her best friend. Sable had been behaving in the weirdest manner the past of this week, and it had been worrying the girl to no ends.

Almost immediately, the brunette forcibly pasted a bright smile on her face.

"Hai, daijoubu."

"You sure, girlfriend? Cause I think that you look-" The blue-haired girl asked again.

Sable's smiling façade cracked then.

"Yes, damned it!! Why must you keep asking and asking the same thing everyday?!! I am so sick and tired of all your pity!!"

Kitten jerked back in surprise.

"Sable? But I don't pity you…"

A long silence.

"Gomen ne." The brunette whispered at last. "I…I didn't mean to…"

Sable saw Kitten's sympathetic expression then. The brunette turned away.

"Just…just leave me alone…" The blue-hair girl tried to touch her friend's shoulder then; but Sable flinched away. "Please."

With a slightly hurt expression, Kitten withdrew her hand and dropped it slowly to her side.

"Alright. But you know that I will always be here when you need to talk to someone."

The brunette started to walk away. Just as she was about outside hearing distance, she whispered, "I will keep that in mind. Domo, Kit."

Like that, Kitten stood there and watched until Sable disappeared from sight.

"Sable…"

The normally genki girl clenched her fist and laid it on her chest, directly above her heart, as if trying to ease the hurt.

"Kit, daijoubu." Hands snaked around her slim waist and pulled her backwards to lean against a wide and slickly muscled chest. Instinctively, the blue-haired girl tucked her head under his chin and snuggled into his embrace for support.

"Tasuki." She sighed, "I am such a bad friend, ne? I don't even know what to do to comfort her now."

The redhead seishi pressed his lips against Kitten's temple. "Just be yourself, Kit. Sable needs to be alone right now. She needs to sort out her priority and the path that she must take for her future. Just let her be."

Tasuki was right; and not for the first time, Kitten marveled secretly at how wise the normally dense seishi could be given the situation. Chotto matte yo. The blue-haired girl stiffened at her koi's words. Path? Priority? What did Tasuki mean? He did not mean that…did he?

Tasuki was waiting for Kitten's reaction, something that he knew would happen, and when the girl stiffened, the seishi merely tightened his arms over her waist, anchoring her to him.

"Demo!! Demo, Sab is…she cannot-" The girl was panicked.

The bandit shook his head.

"Her life, her choice, Kit. You cannot decide for her no matter what." Tasuki said quietly. There was no condemnation, no censure. Just a simple statement; learnt from experience.

Kitten deflated then.

"I will support her decision then." Her voice was small, but the conviction in it was strong. Tasuki had never felt prouder of his koi than now.

"Good girl," the redhead whispered, voice rough with affection. "You just support her, and I will support you, okay?"

Kitten closed her eyes and sighed.

"Hai."

The rest is up to Sable now.

##########

Sable walked slowly along the almost half-empty streets of the village, barely paying attention to the sights and the people there.

Chichiri.

The past one week had been sheer hell for the petite brunette. Pretending to be unaffected by the blue-haired seishi's insults had been very exhausting and emotionally draining. She had to endure Chichiri's scathing remarks and at the same time, also assure Tasuki, Kitten and the Elementals that she was perfectly fine.

Almost immediately, Sable let her friendly façade fall, revealing a stricken and mentally burdened expression that no one should have.

She was dying.

Not outside, where it was obvious; but deep inside, where it mattered most.

Chichiri was slowly but surely killing her inside, whether intentionally or not. Everyday, it was all that she could do not slit her wrist and just die. Just let go of everything, forget everything. Sable had once heard of a saying; `Hold on to nothing, and nothing will hold you back.'

"How true," she mused softly. "If only I can let go; if only I have never held on at the first place…"

A thousand of `if onlys', but they had came too late.

"Daijoubu," The girl comforted herself.

Soon, soon, her suffering would end, and everything would be put to rights again. All that she have to do for the moment now is to bide her time.

Emerald eyes clouded with pain soon cleared with anguished determination.

Soon.

##########

Hidden behind the safety of an old, faded building, Haiiro stared at Sable from a distance. The determined look on her face had all but confirmed his arising suspicions. Akai and Aoi had also suspected the same thing but the auburn-haired elemental had decided to overlook the obvious fact as it was getting too sensitive for his liking whereas the water elemental had been optimistically hoping that his qualms are unfounded.

As usual, it was he, Haiiro, who had seen the reality. And it was up to him to make sure that no tragedy will happen in the near future.

Saki, had merely appeared neutral about the entire thing; she knew what Sable is planning, but she is only a disinterested observer. Haiiro had questioned her, asking her if it was wise to leave things as it is now; and the white-haired goddess had merely replied that she had only agreed to help the Suzaku's seishi as a group; and whatever the individuals of said group decide to or not to do, she has no say nor control over them.

In fact, that was the most cardinal rule of being a god; don't get involved. Don't get involved no matter what. To succeed as a deity, one must see things in the most general and unbiased view. One cannot interfere with the fates. Anything less is unacceptable. Anything less would mean would mean certain divine punishment- removal of rank and status in the heavenly realm and also transfer to live on earth as a mortal.

`But I do not have to interfere physically,' the silver-haired man thought to himself as a brilliant idea presented itself to him. `All I have to do is to be the catalyst which starts the chain of events. I won't be involved at all. I won't have any accidents under my watch.'

Thus said, and with a determined light in his grey eyes, the wind elemental dissolved into a gust of wind and headed in the general direction of Kutou. (Read: or so he thinks; he lost the map.)

##########

At Mt. Taikyoku…

Taitsukun glared at the mirror. She could hardly believe her eyes. After such a wonderful sibling reunion, her second eldest son had to go and mess everything up. Now her sons are split into two different camps again.

The Creator sighed heavily. Another thing was the relationship between Byakko and his daughter. From the very beginning, the elderly woman had nagged her feline son to shower more attention upon her only grandchild, but the god of Sairo had never taken heed. And now, Saki had finally had enough and had switched sides.

What a big headache. Taitsukun sighed again. Why can't she just have a normal, dysfunctional family? Her sons are now all acting like spoilt little five-year olds, and if she wasn't careful, this new spat could carry on to kami knows when, especially when Saki is also embroiled into the entire affair.

It seemed to the old woman that she had no choice but to take action. And the first thing that she would do is to take care of Saki and Byakko's problem.

But how?

Suddenly, an idea hit her.

`That might work,' The old woman thought. `A little too unconventional for my taste, but why not?'

Thus said, the Creator closed her eyes and muttered a long and ancient curse. So long unused was the spell that Taitsukun had almost forgotten of its existence. Almost immediately, a white wisp of smoke floated out of no where and disappeared just as quickly.

The spell was complete.

"I am counting on you now; don't you fail me. But then, come to think of it, you never do."

The creator did a very scary thing then; she smiled. She remembered when the last time she had used said spell, and just the thought of it brought back fond memories. She did not know how on earth she had almost forgotten such a wonderfully reliable spell, but never mind, she is just going to get the Nyans Nyans to commit it to memory for her.

Chuckling eerily to herself, the old goddess floated out of the mirror room. How would this new input of hers affect the challenges? It would be interesting to see what is going to happen next…

Especially now with the spell which she had often used to discipline the children when they were young already in action…

Heheh, I hereby end at this interesting note.

Gomen ne, minna-san!! I really, really lost track of the time!! Phew, time sure flies when you are having fun! If it wasn't one of my supportive readers who had reminded me that my two weeks' grace is over, I won't even realize it!! Ne, minna, you guys must remember to tell me when I am late in uploading a chapter. And yeah, I am that forgetful. ^^;;; Anyway, I just started school two weeks ago in polytechnic. Diploma in Aerospace Electronics, that's what they call my course. I LOVE IT!!! Heheh, I love my classmates too. They totally rawk. Well, except one or two exceptions that is. Can you believe it? Of the entire class of 20, there are only two girls!! ME and another friend. Lol. Of course I have to call her a friend; we are going to be the only feminine support for each other for the next three years!! -_-;;; Heheh…I think that I am boring you guys with all my funny ramblings. Gomen ne again!! Just be sure to tell me when I am late again, ok?

As for this chapter, I really apologize if it is a little too boring; hopefully, it is not to you readers out there. This chapter is mainly a prologue to what will happen next, and I guess that you guys already know what will happen, right? Sigh…the negative effects of writers' block is that we get too predictable. Guess I will just have to leave the main picture of this Byakko Challenge as it is and only change the smaller scenes then. ^^

Well, you know the drill, minna-san. Please review!! I wouldn't know what you think if you didn't. Domo!!