Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ To be yours ❯ Chapter 1

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own FY or anything like that.

AN: Huy. I have a horrid case of writers block. Again. I'd broken through it, then something came up that caused it to flare up doubly as bad.

Or at least, renewed it, anyway.

So, what do they say removes writers block? Writing. Freewriting and such. I'm not that good at freewriting--you know, to me it STILL requires a plot and all that--I get wrapped up in meaningless things and lose it.

However, I got the idea to do something that doesn't require alot of thinking of plots...V.V Course, it's a bit mortifying, being the first I actually put on display, but hey.

Anyway. Yeah. H/M of course. Can't have enough of them.

She fidgeted nervously, sitting on the edge of the bed, and busying herself with trying to unravel the lower hem of her robe, to resist bolting out of the door.

This is stupid. This is so stupid. Her mind run running in loops to make up for the lead that seemed to fill her legs. What are you even doing here? Of all the stupid things you've done in your lifetime, this has got to be the worst.

She shook her head in shame. How can you really even show your face to him again after what you did?

"But...I can explain..." She said whimpered, fighting back tears. "I didn't want to do it...I had to..."

She winced slightly as the memory rose to fresh in her memory.

Pain and hurt was mirrored in exquisite golden eyes, as he stared in dumbfounded shock at her words--no doubt wondering if she had not been replaced by clone again.

It hurt so much to see him like this...but she had to do it! It was the only way she could do what she promised...

"I can't believe you can be so STUPID!" She forced herself to laugh, refusing to look up at him, for fear of losing herself if she had to see the hurt. "I...It was nothing! A girl flirts a little...and look at you, thinking you're something special!"

"Miaka, you..."

She shook her head quickly, not allowing herself to listen to his strained reasoning, and plastered the most fake smile she had ever worn on her face, before looking up just long enough to wave and speak in a coldly chipper voice. "Sorry!"

She ran out of the room before he could reply, trying to get as far away as possible before she collapsed into tears.

Ever since then, she had seen him so little--and when she did, he was always cold and withdrawn, the betrayed hurt reflecting in his voice and eyes no matter how neutral or pleasant he attempted to keep them.

She gave a small sob, and resisted the urge to curl up on the bed. After all that...after all the pain, and all the sacrifices, she still failed to summon Suzaku, and now he was marrying some other woman...

And here she was sitting here like some...some...she did not know what it was she felt like, but it was decietful and pathetic. She balled up her hands into fists and sobbed into them, wishing she would just spontaniously combust and stop causing everyone around her such pain.

"Miaka...?" There was a strained worry in the voice the floated through the dark room, but there was also that horribly familiar coldness in it as well.

She looked up slowly, forcing herself to meet the apprehensive and hurt golden eyes of the one she loved. "I...I'm..." She choked back a sob, shaking her head quickly. "I'm so sorry!"

He tensed slightly, a wave of emotions washing across his eyes, before his newfound cynical coldness returned, and he turned away from her, speaking in a tone of coldness that sounded visibly strained. "Don't be, Miaka. Like you said, it was my fault for misunderstanding. I don't hold it against you."

"Hotohori--" She said, voice trembling.

"And as you can see..." He continued, voice strengthening, and gaining a bitter edge. "I have 'moved on' from the 'fling' as well. So don't worry yourself for me."

His voice was like a razor, cutting cleanly through her, and leaving nothing behind. She finally had an inkling of just how much pain she had caused him. Both in mortification at herself, and pain at his words, she gave an agonized sob and fell from her perch to the floor. Her eyes stared blankly at the floor, and she was vaguely away of wretched sobs being torn away from her body.

All that mattered was the dialogue that repeated over and over in her mind, what she so dearly wanted to tell him, but could not find the strength to do more than whisper.

"I'm...I'm so sorry...Tai Yi Jin...she...she said I had to...." She managed in a voice barely audible to even her ears. "I...I had to remain untouched...she said I had to cut off all of my contact to you...it was the only way I could summon Suzaku!"

She leaned her face into her hands again, voice gaining strength in her desperation. "And now I failed at it anyway! And you're marrying that...that female Nuriko...and I just want..."

"Want what?" The voice was soft, Hotohori had knelt next to her, eyes soft, and for once a glimmer of hope shone through the ghosts of pain.

She looked up at him through her fingers, and felt herself flush involuntarily at his closeness, despite her situation. "...You...I just want...you."

He closed his eyes slowly, as if fighting something inside of him. "Why? Am I suddenly more attractive to you now that I will no longer be at your beck and call?"

She gave another sob, and shook her head. "No! I'm sorry, Hotohori...but I had to be cold! It was so hard...it hurt so much to cause you all of that pain...I'm so sorry, Hotohori! I...I just wanted...to be able to protect your country the way you put so much trust into me to do! All I wanted was to give you want you wanted! And now I've failed at everything!"

Strong arms wrapped around her, and she was pulled against a warm chest. "All I ever wanted was you, Miaka."

She clung to his robe desperately, fearful that he would let go again. "I'm sorry...I'm...I just...I love you, and I don't know what I'll do if you marry that woman instead!"

A soft hand cupped her chin, and pulled her up to meet soft, desperate eyes. "Miaka..."

"I...I know it's unfair..." She said softly, closing her eyes to escape his gaze. "I know I shouldn't be telling you this when you already have someone else...but...I do! I've always loved you--from when I first met you!"

There was no reply for a moment, then soft lips pressed against hers. "I love you, too, Miaka...I always have."

Her eyes flew open to meet his--the hurt had vanished, and the sadness, replaced with such a warm love it made her want to cry all over again. She hugged him in a feirce embrace, fighting down tears. "Please...please don't marry her, Hotohori."

"There is only one woman I ever want to be my Empress." He said softly. "And that is you, Miaka."

She felt warm fingers curl around her chin once more, and bring her lips up to place a kiss that reflected all of the intensity of his love for her, bringing tears to her eyes again.

"Be my Empress, Miaka...please?" He asked, eyes intense and hopeful.

She gave him a slow, tremulous smile. "I think I would die if I could not be."

A bright smile blossomed across his face, and smooth hands pulled her face close to draw her into a feirce kiss. The world around them seemed to melt as she was lost in the warmth that radiated from his form. The impending battle waiting over the horizon, the sealing of Suzaku, none of mattered anymore.

All that mattered was she finally had the one thing she truly desired, his arms around her tight, and not letting go any time soon...and...and he was going to marry her! He wanted her as much as she had come to want him. He loved her.

That was all that mattered. She realized then what she wanted to do.

Reluctantly, she broke the embrace, and tried to ignore the disappointed frown on her beloved's face. "Hotohori..."

"Yes, Miaka?"

"I...could you...I mean..." She trailed off, face glowing in the darkness of the room.

"What, Miaka?" His voice was tender, and their was a trace of innocent expectance in the reflection of his golden eyes, through the dim lighting of the single lamp lit in the room.

"Would you...make me your wife tonight?"

He blinked. "Tonight? But..."

She shook her head quickly. "I don't want all that formal stuff...I just...just..." She trailed off once more, unable to summon the courage to find the words she needed.

He only gave her an intent stare, lips pressed together firmly. Her gaze traveled down to the aforementioned lips, and she swallowed softly, remembering the kiss she had just broken, and wondering idly what it might be like if...

She shivered slightly. "Hotohori...I want to be...yours."

"Miaka...?" He began, eyes glinting in vague recognition.

She shook her head quickly, and brought her mouth up to cover his, using his mid-sentence as an opportunity to hesitantly slide into his mouth. He stiffened in surprise for a moment, and then all hesitation vanished from the kiss, as his tongue met hers eagerly. An arm tightened around her waist to bring her closer to him, and another came up to tangle in her hair.

She gave a contented sigh, and brought up her hands to run through his delightfully silky hair--which he blessedly let fall loose. She had never before felt so happy, so safe, so warm.

He drew back suddenly, elicting a disappointed sigh from Miaka. "Miaka...what about what Tai--"

She shook her head quickly. "We're probably all going to die tomorrow..."

"Miaka--"

She moved a hand to cover his mouth softly. "I heard you talking with Chichiri--it's okay, as long as I'm with you, I'm not scared."

His eyes softened into something like sadness.

"I...I just want...when we fight tomorrow, I want to be your Empress. Please, Hotohori."

His eyes shaded slightly with an emotion she could not discern, before he swept her into his arms and laid her softly against the bed, and leaned over her. "...Alright. For you, I will."

He leaned down to place a chaste kiss on her lips, but at her sigh of contentment, he took the opportunity to claim the warmth of her mouth, drawing her into a passionate embrace. Slim fingers deftly undid her robe, and smoothed it under her.

Her hands did not seem nearly so nimble, as she fumbled helplessly with his many layered silks, before he broke away from the kiss, and placed firm hands on hers, a tender smile on his lips. "Allow me."

Numbly, she nodded, and watched in fascination as he cooly unraveled the ties on his shimmering suit, and swiftly discarded his unecessary layers, leaving him clothed only in loose trousers.

His smooth, pale skin reflected the lamplight in an alluring orange glow, and her hands reached up hesitantly and ran her fingers across his perfection. He felt soft and smooth, like an exquisite down pillow, taut muscles sculpting his body as perfectly as a master sculpter's hand in marble.

He remained perfectly still through her exploring touch, but she could feel his heated gaze like a fire in her skin as she leaned up to place a soft kiss on his flawless skin. A shiver ran through her when he gave a soft groan and breathed her name as she experimentally bit down on a dark nipple.

A hand snaked up to the middle of her back, and she found herself pressed against the bed once more, as his tongue thrusting suggestively into her mouth. Soft endearments ghosted across her skin as he lowered his mouth to encompass a pert breast. She gave a soft moan, and arched into his mouth, digging her nails into his shoulders--oh how heavenly his feathery tongue felt dancing across her skin.

He raised his eyes to meet hers, golden orbs smoldering with the hunger that consumed her senses. "I will always love you, Miaka."

She chewed her lip softly, moved to tears from simply to strength in his voice as he spoke his sentiments, as if willing her to feel it herself. She smiled softly, and nodded. "I'll never stop loving you..."

That seemed to be the acceptance he was waiting for; a slow, sensuous smile spread across his features, and his hands slid down to hook her food-patterned underwear. He gave an amused chuckle at the various depictions of food, before slowly gliding it down her legs, pulling up her knees to free her ankles of it.

Her breath was ragged, and heat radiated off of her in waves as golden eyes met hers with a fiery intensity that made her flush darkly. Her mind suddenly filled with a thousand panicked thoughts at the realization that she now had nothing sheilding her from the surgical gaze of her perfectly created Emperor. How he must be disappointed by her infinite imperfections and shortcomings...her stupid moles, and her ugly birthmark on her hip marring her already average form.

Never had she felt so acutely those few extra pounds her apetite had bestowed on her. Before long she felt her cheeks heat, and she made a meager attempt to cover herself with her hands in self-consciousness, curling into semi-ball.

Strong hands held her shoulders, and a concerned gaze met hers. "Miaka...?"

"I'm hideous..." She said softly, looking away, her shoulders shaking in suppressed tears. "How can you even stand to look at me?"

The hands disappeared from hers, and cupped her cheeks, forcing her to meet his beautiful gaze. "You are beautiful to me, Miaka. You are the most perfect creature in this world."

She shook her head quickly. "N-no I'm not...I'm plain and overweight...I'm nothing next to you."

A vaguely hurt look passed his eyes, before he captured her lips in a feirce kiss, arms pressing her against himself, and hands meshing into her hair. The sheer longing and need that she felt in the kiss, as his tongue ravished her mouth, swept her mind away to warm bliss almost immediately, and she melted into his arms with a soft moan, relishing the cool feel of his hair on her skin.

It seemed all too soon when he broke away, and stared deep into her half-lidded eyes. "You are everything I want and more...If I wanted a woman to look like a harem-girl, I would choose one of those...you are the embodiment of perfection to me, Miaka."

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks, as she looked up at him. His eyes held such pure love, her heart ached in her chest. "I love you so much, Hotohori..."

He smiled softly, and lowered down to press a soft kiss on her lips, before asking in an equally soft tone. "Let me see you, Miaka. Please."

She chewed her lip hesitantly, then reluctantly let her hands fall to the bed beside her, and relaxed her tensed posture. He withdrew enough so that he could look down at her bare form in silence. His beautiful eyes held an expression of delight, acceptance, admiration...perhaps even rapt awe. Her breath caught in her throat at the thought that he could truly find her so attractive, and she had to close her eyes to fight away tears of happiness. Her blissful moment vanished as she felt hot lips press to her thighs, and a mixture of a pleased gasp and a soft moan escaped her throat as he fluttered his tongue across her inner thigh toward the source of her growing heat,and she gave a startled cry as a soft graze of his lips caused a jolt of pleasure to dance through her.

Lithe hands reached up to grip his hair, and prevent him from moving onward in his 'exploration' of her body. She gave a breathless moan and arched into his touch, wanting to feel more of him, to feel his sweet ministrations more fully. She felt him smile against her as she spoke his name in desperation, a hand slid up her leg to grip her hip against him, and another came up to assist him in lavishing attention on the source of the fire that coursed through her veins.

She gave a strangled yelp and convulsed in startled pleasure, as she felt a slim digit plunge suddenly into her. Her breath came in ragged gasps when it came to her at all, and colored lights danced before her eyes as she trembled uncontrollably under his touch. It was all she could do just to repeat his name between breaths, as the feeling of his extravagant attentions only intensified. A blinding wave of pleasure crashed over her almost unexpectedly, and she screamed his name aloud, arching almost completely off of the sheets, before she convulsed violently, and colapsed onto the bed, breathless.

Her beloved slid upward to place a heated kiss in her lips. She tasted a strange tang that had to be the taste of her on his lips, and his eyes were darkened with wanton need and lust.

"I love you, Miaka." He whispered once more into her neck, sliding his last remnants of clothes free from himself. He pulled away from her, and looked deep into her eyes. "Are you sure this is what you want, Miaka?"

She swallowed softly and looked deep into his expressive golden eyes, which reflected a tender love, and a flickering incertainty. Falling into his gaze, she nodded slowly...this is what she wanted more than anything.

"This will hurt at first..." He said softly, leaning close and whispering in her ear. "Hold me close and trust me."

"I do."

He smiled warmly down at her, and slowly allowed himself to enter her. After a moment, Miaka felt a sudden pressure, and something like a powerful pinching sensation, and she buried her face in his shoulder, giving a muffled cry of pain.

Arms wrapped compulsively around her, and his face buried in her shoulder, cheeks damp with tears both empathic and guilty. "I am sorry, Miaka..."

She tightened her grip on his shoulders, and shook her head quickly. The pain was fading now, and all she felt was wonderfully complete. "Don't be, Hotohori...please..."

"I caused you such pain..." he said softly. "I thought only of myself."

She shook her head firnly, and brought his face up to place a chaste kiss on his lips, smiling. "Don't be silly...all you ever do is think of me...think of yourself once--just for me..."

His eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Miaka..."

"Please, Hotohori..." She smiled warmly up at him. "It doesn't hurt anymore, so please..."

His eyes widened slightly a moment, then he lowered his lips to claim hers with renewed passion, and rocked against her. At first his movements were slow, but as a strained groan escaped through clenched teeth, his pace began to increase. The expression of rapturous delight on his face sent chills down her spine, and the rasp in his voice as he whispered her name drew out a tormented answer from her throat. The sensations his every movement sent racing through her were unlike any she had felt before, and she felt her reason quickly slipping away from her. Simply the feeling of his fingertips digging into her hips sent shivers down her spine, and the feeling of him inside of her--filling her as completely as possible--had her gasping breathlessly, trying to find the air to cry out in tortured ecstacy.

Sweat slicked his overheated body, and his hair stuck damply to his body, as he worked relentlessly against her, whispering her name alongside his god's, as if it were something holy. Simplt the overwhelming beauty of his expression of unrestrained joy as he reveled in the chance to make his priestess his empress would have been enough to make her want to kiss him senseless and cry out his name, but she could see colors beginning to dance around her, and her stomach began to tighten again. She hissed back groans through her teeth as her hips bucked upward to meet his thrusts, and her nails cut into his skin--elicting a pleased groan from her lover--as she arched into his talented touch. With a final impassioned scream, she felt the last of her self control leave her as an overwhelming feeling of agonizing pleasure enveloped her, and she fell back weakly into his arms.

He gave a despairing groan, and increased his pace to almost frenzied, before giving a final cry, and releasing himself into her, falling lightly onto the bed next to her and panting slightly.

She smiled at his exhausted expression of loving contentment, and snuggled close to him. "I love you, Hotohori, with every fiber of my being."

He breathed a soft smile down at her. "I love you, My Empress."

For the umpteenth time that night, his words and love had nearly brought her to tears. Burying herself in his arms, she willed away all thoughts of the world but him, he was the only thing that mattered.

They would all die tomorrow, Nakago would win, and the world would be damned, but as Hotohori's arms curled around her in an embrace of the tenderest love, none of it mattered. She would be with him until her dying breath. She would be by his side to the end. She would be his Empress.

And that was all that mattered.

END

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AN: So...^.^; umm...how was it? This is the longer version (the censored one ends when she accepts the proposal)...this is the first time I've made something like this...

So...er...did I botch it up too badly? I tried not to be shy doing this, but I had to make sure not to be brazenly crude, too...so...er..

Yeah.

If you want to see the censored version, go to

www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net(SLASH)s(SLASH)2953847(SLASH)1(SLASH)

^^'

-Yusagi