Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Very Very Serious Debates ❯ Very Very Serious Debates ( Chapter 1 )

AN: This was inspired at 2:00am, with the help of a message-board bud...Be very afraid. To the H/M lovers that will(hopefully) be reading this...Sorry for the suggested M/T in this..

As for why Nuriko and Tamahome seem to have adopted Tasuki's accent in this one....well....they ARE drunk....

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"Very, Very, Serious Debates"

It was the year 2000.

Nuriko and Tamahome were huddled next to eachother, at a nearly empty bar, way past closing time, drowning their sorrows.

What sorrows? Alimony payments, that's what!

You may ask how the two Suzaku warriors are in a modern bar, worrying over alimonies. The answer is simple, as Miaka put it, it has something to do with 'splintered oars' and 'ships prows'.

Yes, so all Suzaku seven live in modern times. They have migrated over to America over tax issues, and Tamahome and Miaka have had a good old fashioned western wedding.

At least, that was the situation up until two months ago, when the struggling couple finally broke up. The stress of three miscarriages and money problems was simply too much for the already flimsy couple.

"Now, Tama-baby..." Nuriko said, knocking back an exceptionally bitter ale, and blinking away the ensuing tears, " I told ya...she's too wild for ya...that I did."

Tamahome seemed not to know which of the four Nuriko's to scowl at, so he settled for taking another large swig of whiskey. "I told ya! It ain't my fault! That Tasu...uh...uh...he did it! He was cheating on me!"

Nuriko gave Tamahome what he felt was his most condescending look, and said matter-of-factly,"You mean 'she' was cheatin' on you."

Tamahome screwed up his face indignantly a moment, and looked as if he were about to argue his point, before giving a long, loud belch.

"I happen to know..." Nuriko added, leaning in secretively, " That it wasn't Tasuki that Miaka was doin'..."

"But I caught him!"

Nuriko paused a moment, taken aback, " Alright, then not just him."

"She was a threesome kinda girl?" Tamahome said, eyes wide, " Dang, I didn't know that!"

"She was?" Nuriko gasped, then downed another shot.

"Unbelievable!" Tamahome shouted, " More drink!"

"Why didn't you ever invite me?" Nuriko whined.

"You were part of it?"

"No!"

"She...uh...didn't do it then?"

"No, I.." Nuriko paused, and blinked at Tamahome a few times, " Which one is you?"

"I dunno?" Tamahome nodded, spilling some of his mug, " The middle one, right?"

"Which one is that?"

o-o-o-o-o-o

"So, you're a hot-shot ninja?" Yusuke, who had Hiei sneak him into the bar, said.

"So, you're a hot-shot detective?" Sasuke, who had appeared mysteriously with a fake ninja ID, retorted.

"Spirit Detective!" Yusuke corrected.

"No difference!" Sasuke insisted confidantly. "My teacher could whoop that old lady of your's all day."

"What?" Yusuke coughed, spitting his drink everywhere.

"You dog! You spit on me!"

"You bad-mouthed Genkai!"

Sasuke paused long enough to down his sake, then stood up indignantly.

After barely catching his balance, he shouted, " I shall duel you for my honor!"

"Honor?" Yusuke laughed, " I'll whoop you for fun!"

"Stand up, fiend!" Sasuke spat, drawing his sword.

"Did you just drop your sword?" Yusuke mumbled, shaking his head.

"N-No!"

"I'm sure you did...I saw it clatter to the floor, and you pick it up..."

"Silence! I attack!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Nuriko paused in what he was saying, to stare across the bar, after a loud crash had drowned out what he was saying.

Two dark-haired youths were brawling, pulling every dirty trick in the book, chair throwing, insults, shirukens, and worst of all...full bottles of alcolhol!

"Hey! They're destroying some good stuff!" Tamahome whined.

"Some people have no manners..." Nuriko agreed, slamming a bottle to the floor in anger--an empty bottle, mind you.

"Where's the bartender? Why isn't he breaking it up?" Tamahome asked.

"I think I scared him off when I tried to flirt with him..."

"Bartender! Hey, bartender!" Tamahome yelled, " Where are you?!"

"What is it now?!" The man asked irritably, walking out front.

Nuriko sat dumbfounded for a full thirty seconds, as he stared at the man's bizzare hair.

The hair was spiked out in every direction, and was dyed in three different colors.

"Is that a crab on your head?" Nuriko asked finally, "I don't remember you..."

"Where did you get all that gel?" Tamahome mumbled.

"It's natural!" The man squeaked.

"Why aren't you breaking up that bar brawl?"

"A brawl?! In my bar? Never!" The man gasped, looking over at the two drunkards runing the left side of the bar.

"Cease and desist! No bar brawls in Motou bar!" He shouted, pounting at a corresponding neon sign.

The two paused a moment, and the ninja said, " No! We are not brawling! We are dueling!"

"Dueling? I don't see any cards or duel disks!" The bartender scoffed, " You are lying!"

"We're not dueling! We're battling!" The one with the slicked-back hair put in.

"BATTLING?!" The bartender roared, face red, " NO Poke-freaks in Motou bar! Read the sign!"

The man pointed to a neon sign that read: "No Poke-Freaks in Motou bar"

"We're not-" The ninja started.

"Silence!" The man screamed, pulling a out a pack of cards, "Go! Dark Magician! KILL them!"

The ninja squeaked and dodged the card that the bartender flung at him.

The card stuck into the wall with a thunk.

"Eep! Razor-edged cards!" The normal-looking one cried.

"Woah...now that's a strange weapon." Nuriko marvelled.

"Enough! Everyone OUT!" The bartender demanded, "Or I'll use Exodia on you!"

"B-but we don't brawl, duel, or battle! We fight!" Tamahome said.

"I will obliterate you!"

"Leeeeet's go!" Nuriko said quickly, grabbing Tamahome and stumbling towards the exit.

"Wait! What about Miaka's two-timing? Who was it?"

"Later, Tama-baby, later!"

Tamahome stopped stumbling forward, and stood tall a moment. "My name isn't-"

"Not now!"

"Pigs! Dogs!" The bartender howled, flinging deadly cards at them ceaselessly, "Vermin! You are vermin!"

"Run!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

When the last of the patrons scurried out of the door, Yugi glanced around at the cards littering the bar.

"They didn't pay me..." He mumbled, "What do I do now?"

He looked down at his dueling disk, now strapped to his arm.

Yes! There is one card left!

"I'll trust the heart of the cards! They'll know what to do!"

Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the last card with his free hand, and dramatically showed it to the empty room, before looking at it.

"D-Dark Hole? NoOo!"

End

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AN: Ah, yes... I poked fun at the FY gang, Naruto, Yu Yu, Pokemon, and Yu-Gi-Oh! all at once! And you know what? I HAD FUN DOING IT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

A cookie to anyone who can guess who Nuriko was going to say Miaka was cheating with--hint: it is one of the Suzaku Warriors

~Yusagi Sombermoon's evil twin