Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ Were It Not That I Was Lost ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Psych 
Anime/Manga: Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.06.2001 | Pages: 1 | Words: 5.2K | Visits: 173 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.06.2001 | Pages: 1 | Words: 5.2K | Visits: 173 | Status: Completed
Authors Note: This is my little fanfic story containing the past of one of my favorite Seiryuu Seishi, Tomo. Yeah, I've made up some of my own characters for a thicker plot, but its my fanfic and I'm the author, so I can do that. You'll notice that some of what the characters say/think are lyrics from random songs that I'd listened to while writing this, and that's just part of my style. Well, I'd love to hear some reviews and thoughts about it though no matter what, I'll keep adding on, so enjoy. "Beautiful," Zane's voice spoke to Chuin, but it was bemused staring out at Erato as she sat alone on a bench constructing a ball made from folded paper pieces. The two of them stood on a bridge over a small stream that ran through the little town of Karauchi. Trees with pink and white blooming flowers painted the warm scene. Not far from them were the other students of Master Urine's (hehe) martial art teachings, in recess. "I wonder what it would be like to run my fingers through her long hair. Do you ever think like that, Chuin? Just what it would be like to feel someone?" Chuin was struck out of his own daydream when Zane turned to him for an answered. "No, not often." Chuin feared his cheeks would blush when his eyes fell not wishing to meet Zane's green gems. He was no good at lying, but equally as bad when confessing the truth. There wasn't even an option of telling his best friend his true feelings. Zane, you're the beautiful one. Now his eyes looked farther away from his friend. He was ashamed of something he could not change. It always left him crying at night. That alone threw him farther and farther away from being a man. Men didn't cry; men didn't feel their emotions. "If you could wish for one thing, what would it be?" Zane seemed to have a sixth sense for the moments to ask the wrong questions. Chuin didn't have to worry as to how to answer, for Zane thrusted his hand to the sky, "See that star?" "No," though Chuin still looked to where Zane pointed. He held his hand to his forehead to shield his eyes from the bright sun that made the stars unable to see during the day. "Well its there." Zane told him. "Its always there, every night. I wish upon it that love, happiness, and luck will come my way." "Does it work?" wondering aloud the words asked. "It will." Zane was confident. "I just have to wait for it." "Boys!" the two sixteen-year-olds turned to the call that would still address them even at age thirty. Masters never wait long for students, so they had to hustle. Zane bowed his head and quickly recited a short prayer to the unseen star before darting after Chuin. Bowing to address their honorable teacher, Master Urine. Five other students meditated on large mats that were set up in the square courtyard. Their training had started when they learned to walk and now they were reaching a very matured and advanced level. Chuin remembered when he was a very small child and watching the older boys in admiration of their skills. It was now that he looked down at the little children with their big round eyes as he defeated any one who challenged him. Strangely enough, as hard as he tried, he never felt he fit in that portion of society. It was where the men fought for the women's favor and heart; neither of which he desired. Long time ago, a group of traveling performers came in a wagon with bright colors not just woven in their clothes, but also painted on their faces. The men were magnificent and enchanting. Dressed in such a fashion that they were never who they seemed to be; true identities hidden behind a false face. Chuin looked into every book he could find on their performance, which was called opera. On a star that night, he would wish to be like them. Travel as they did becoming someone he might truly be. That day during training Chuin sense a change in the atmosphere. It was not as if could do this on any occasion, but right then he felt a little...suffocated. The suffocation brought him to notice a male, his age, that stood out from the others; wearing clothes that didn't place him as a student.. Standing aside, the light blue hair hid his pale eyes that looked Chuin over. He felt the gaze of this boy's eyes, but it was when they locked eyes, there was something touched in Chuin that he'd never felt before. Arousing, eh, only a bit, but it was as if he was feeling with a nerve he'd never known was there. Having been so distracted within, it amazed Zane that Chuin's reactions were so sharp. Chuin grabbed his friend's turned opponent right foot, which was aimed for the left side of his face. Chuin was a great fighter and beat his friend in the short battle. That boy, he had watched the fight, but now his presence was gone. The presence that had been just...warm, it was gone. Yet it left a small mark within Chuin's heart that he couldn't quite pick the right nerve to feel with. The surroundings were disturbed now and he couldn't relax with his muscles so tense. Every thing his senses felt was magnified. He couldn't handle it; not there. Leaving the mat would be later punishable, and his excuse was a little unstable, but Chuin needed to be alone. He needed to cry and like most times he didn't know why.
*** Finding closure in an empty kitchen of the small school, he had put his head in his hands and drowned in misery. His mind, never completely sure of where he was and he couldn't understand any of his feelings. He wasn't even able to deprive himself of even just one. He felt everything. Returning home as the sun began its gradual descend, he found his father not at home. The man he called his 'father' claimed that Chuin had been abandoned as a young child, that he had no idea where the tattooed symbol on Chuin's right hip had come from or even what it meant. This all made Chuin feel even more lost. All he knew was that it told him he was different. In his small room, Chuin discovered his window was opened. Closing it, he found on his mat below it, a small colored paper ball. Picking it up, he saw that one flap was left open. Inside the ball was a paper rose.
*** Chuin's father made herbal tea for every meal. He meditated all day, was a peaceful man, but gambling was an addiction. Throwing away things he didn't even own. Chuin thanked the gods that he still was able to live under a roof. It may have seemed as if he was a normal father, but fathers didn't do the things he did to his 'son'. From the very beginning, even when Chuin was too young to truly understand that he had been abandoned, he felt that this man couldn't truly be his father when he'd undress the both of them. The pain he had felt... Oh, but for a reason Chuin still did not understand, they continued on living together and acting during the day as if nothing happened at night. From the care in the man's daily actions, Chuin couldn't hate him and that was almost as painful as the physical damage. At dinner, the sun made the sky purple and music began to play off in the distance. "Do you plan on going to the star festival?" Chuin's father asked. Before he could lie and say that Zane and himself hadn't planned on it, for he wanted to get rest for the next day, there was a knock on the door. "Ready for the festival?" Zane welcomed himself in.
*** Food, games, music, and dancing flooded the center of the town. Children ran with sparklers and purple lamps on sticks laughing as Chuin knew he once had. Too old for the games and foolish magic tricks, he followed Zane who was drawn to the dancing throng of bodies. Mainly teens, some which they knew, made the air warm so that they sweated together. Waiting for an entrance, Zane kept Chuin to the side of it all to just view the scene. They leaned against the wall of a building next to the stage for the musicians. As if he had any, none of the boys lived up to Chuin's standards, so he didn't study their dancing. "Why did we come here?" Chuin wore a black tied Chinese piece with the piece in front and the slit with black baggy pants. Zane could hear him, but he acted as if he didn't. His eyes scanned the area for hot girls, but would only lock on one. He grabbed Chuin's arm, when he saw her, "Over there!" Chuin was busy getting over the sensation of being grabbed like that as Zane went on, "Do you see that glow? She must be an angel underneath." "You only believe you're in love," Chuin said to himself, for although he spoke aloud, Zane wasn't listening. "Making no real sense when you talk, nothing will come of all this." "Look at her eyes." Zane urged his friend. "They're calling-" he seemed cut off by a sudden discovery for he read the new situation. Turning to his friend, his eyes were almost glaring, but inside they were in disbelief. "You." As if she had heard, Erato made her way directly to the two of them. A crowd of boys made way for her, watching as she picked the chosen one. Standing a foot away from Chuin's feet, she didn't even feel Zane breathing on her left. "If you want to feel the heat," she tempted with the song's melody in her voice. "Just come along and play with me." Chuin dropped his eyes, she couldn't be speaking to him. No, don't talk to me, he begged Please, just leave me alone. "Be my boy," she had to reach for his right hand that was hidden separating his butt from the wall he seemed to be clinging to. She dragged him behind her bouncing her hips side to side with the beat of the speedy music, "I want to be your lover girl." turning to face him, she took his other hand and began to walk backwards, "Be my lover boy." She pulled him into the mist of the suffocating crowd and began to hop around feeling the sound of the music. Chuin just seemed to move as others knocked him in rhythm bringing him into the sway. His vision would begin to blur, but it stopped noticing a head of blue locks in a mob of dancers. That boy, Chuin knew it was him, for the awkward warmth had returned. With those eyes that even now continued to stare at Chuin putting him into a trance so that he didn't even notice the girls surrounding him, nor the dirty words Erato would begin to speak to him, "I want to feel your body," she said it as if she could have been calling up to the gods. "Tonight I'm ready, honey. "This time of night always makes me lose control," as if she needed an excuse for her actions. "I'm just a girl that's looking for some fun." she seemed innocent in her eyes, those that had been 'calling' yet her dance that was so close, held another story and it was one he did not care to read. Away from her, that was all he wanted. He was now finding it harder and harder to breathe and couldn't stop for air for there was none to inhale. Trapped in the smothering bodies a new hand grabbed his wrist. Ice cold, was it even skin? Gasping for air in the moment he found himself outside of the mob, his absence unnoticed. Alone. He always ended up alone. Yet this way he easily fled the scene.
*** Wiping away his fresh tears, he tried to gather himself. Be a man, he told himself. Be a man. The words escaped his thoughts to a low whisper he spoke only to himself, he said "Be a man. Damn it, Chuin, be a-" "Chuin?" the soft voice didn't mean to startle him, but Chuin began to frantically dry his eyes hiding them away from whomever approached him sitting there under the roof on the 'porch' of a building. "Are you all right?" It was Erato. She had never spoken to him before, other than moments before while dancing. How she knew his name, he didn't know. Approaching as if one wrong step would scare him off, she slowly came to a stop her eyes staring through the long hairs that had escaped the two buns on the back of her head. "Yes," he arched his back a little pouting out his chest like a little boy acting tough. "I was worried seeing you run like that." "I'm not much of a dancer." "You seemed to do fine," her smiled indicated that the mood of the conversation was no longer morose. "I love the way you look at me." she spoke, chin low with her eyes focused on his pretty face. Her feet brought her only a single step closer. "Don't think I don't see you watching me with your friend." "All the boys look at you." Chuin didn't want to talk to her about this, and was left mainly speechless so all that he said came out in little choppy bits. He tried to look out at the purple glow of the festival, being the only light in the town other than the stars above. It was then that a cool breeze blew his long dark hair back over his shoulders and with the moon light shining down on his pale face, she stepped closer to unburden her conscience, "I don't know what it is, but everything about you is just so irresistible." You lock me up in your dirty cage while I feel pain inside. He never looked towards her when she spoke. She felt the urge to get upon the ledge and she grabbed the pole next to him. "Hey Pretty," she held onto the pole as she spun around him. "Hey now, can't you feel me longing?" she asked hoping down right in front of him. "Hey now - can't you feel me?" she took his hand, but lost it. There was pain in his face that had eyes shut so tight as to not view her in this state in which he knew in his heart she truly was not. She put on this whore act to appeal to him. It was because of him that she was pretending to be someone she wasn't. She was so lucky to know who she was, but didn't know its value for she was abusing her identity for his attention. "I'm sorry," he opened his eyes, but they were kept low as was his voice speaking slowly now. "I'm just not attracted to you." he quickly added, "You are very beautiful." he sighed. "I am just...not attracted. I'm sorry." She paused, in breath and in thought to comprehend what he was saying. Falling on the bench next to him her eyes searched her mind for clarification. Blinking she understood and saw the real picture. A tear paced itself down her cheek. He wasn't aware until she sniffled to suck in a second one. "I felt it," her hands were holding each other at her chest. Now she was the one looking down. "You were it. The one." she paused. "I would have never done this for anyone else." she couldn't keep back, "Don't you find me the least bit attractive." "I said I do!" he convinced her. "But don't do this for anyone. You know who you are. You need to just feel what you are," he felt he had to tell her, "What you are is beautiful." "So you do find me attractive?" her face lit up a bit.
"Yes!" "Oh, but I love you!" she flung herself on him. Her warmth was so foreign, he tried to back up, but felt the need to comfort her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and sat her up off his chest. Her eyes went directly to his expecting some sort of kiss as they fell to focus in on his lips. "Don't cry," any other boy would have wiped away those tears. "Just-" Chuin knew not what he could tell her to make things better in her world, when we couldn't even help himself in his. He couldn't just sit there and have her eyes search his for answers that were not there. It was all just too painful. "Just-" he took one last look at her, "Stay pretty." he ran. Passing Zane's home in his fast pace, a pair of eyes caught Chuin, "Zane-" "You know I love her." was all he heard from the shadows. The voice was hurt, the wound was deep and it still bled. "I don't-" "The word is out," Zane took a step forward, but still staying mysteriously hidden. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? Afraid you would hurt me?" "I hadn't known she would come up to me like that," attempting to explain was all Chuin could do. "Zane, I don't like her; she is yours."
"Is that so?" Zane cocked his head to the side. "Well what an unhappy marriage that'll be." "What?" Chuin was confused. "Your father told me," Zane shook his head with something deep in his mind. "Erato's father chose you to marry her; some deals involved, but she's yours. How could you?" "I didn't know-" "A lie!" Zane spat. Chuin's eyes searched for mercy. His best friend, compainion since first memory was breaking a friendship over a girl neither loved. With trust broken, Chuin felt his heart ache. He would lose all the happiness in his life if only he could keep Zane by his side. "Friend," he begged. "I speak honest words. I heard this arrangement from you for the first time. Erato, she is not for me. I have no feelings for her." "None of that means a thing," Zane shook his head that hung low. "She is still your bride." he spat again, "Friend." "I-" Chuin struggled to get out the sound of words, but now the tears would stream down his face, "I-I lov-" Instead Chuin choked on the sounds he coughed up. "I hate you." Zane's words were solid. Cold. Chuin was suddenly so cold, so numb. The wind that had been so gentle before, now unkindly hit his cheeks and froze the tears that would stain pale white cheeks remaining for eternity. Zane was gone. Chuin left alone under the night sky of stars that each seemed to be a needle that stabbed him all at once. He would drown that night.
*** High grass blew along the river that bordered Karauchi. The water would be kind in the warm weather. Untying his top, Chuin also undid his ponytail. Long dark hair flew in the wind, yet a few strains were stuck to his wet cheeks. His paces were numbered in a smooth stride to the water. The current was strong, day and night it would grab and hold tight. His bare feet felt the ground turn sand in the shallowness of the flow. Tilting his head back, he saw the stars above for a final time. He wasn't meant for this world. This was never my world. he figured no one would understood this pain and confusion he faced day to day. Life wasn't worth living if this was all a heart could feel. Looking back down ahead of him, Chuin's heart skipped a beat as it was shocked to see the boy had appeared a foot away from him. Chuin hadn't felt his presence appear this time. "Who are you?" Chuin sucked up as many tears as he could to sound normal. He knew that they shimmered and had been seen in the round moon's light that lit their faces. "Does it matter?" the question was a surprise and he got to the point. "I came to speak to you." Chuin's mind was read, "You feel differently than everyone else." "I-I hurt." unconsciencely Chuin opened up. "How?" he dug deeper. "You hurt in the heart, yes?" "My hearts an internal blood clot," Chuin felt as if he spoke what came. "I picked at it - it never heals, it never goes away." "It bleeds for a friend." a statement, not a question. "I would have told him then," Chuin inhaled deeply not sure how he felt this so clearly. "He was the only thing that I could love in this dying world." Tears blurred everything and choked his words, "But the simple word of 'love' itself, has all ready died and went away!" To his knees, he fell with his hands holding all his tears. It was then that he felt his own cry aloud. He hadn't spoken a word prior to his first question. "Y-you're in my head!" he was wanting to run. "I am not invading, am I?" the boy's dry lips never moved nor twitched. "What is it that you want?" Chuin didn't feel the need to waste his breath. "To talk to you," he sounded innocent enough in Chuin's head. This surprised Chuin to realize that the presence now wasn't dark, it was just barely there. "You've caught me at a rather bad time." "I don't think I would be able to catch you at anytime tomorrow." the voice seemed comfortable within Chuin's skull. "I never understood why someone would wish to kill themselves, it's rather weak." "Than I am weak," Chuin didn't care. "and I don't suppose you ever felt love like I do." "You want to be happy," he seemed to want to be leading the conversation. The wind blew through them and made Chuin's skin cold to even his own touch. "I just want them to be happy!" "Together?" "Yes!" pause. "No!" confusion. "Stop questioning me!" hands over his ears, it did no good. This boy was in control and would read Chuin's emotions until he was satisfied. "Your thoughts, your feelings, they're interesting." the boy turned his back to Chuin, but looked back over his shoulder to say aloud, "Stay around. I'll see what happens, Tomo." Tomo? He recognized the name as if he'd heard it before, but it was fresh to his ears. Tomo. Chuin looked up at the stars in the sky. His tears were dry and all he could hear was the water flowing and the wind in his ears. It didn't surprise him that the boy was gone when he looked down. He wasn't sure of anything at that point, not his feelings, not his identity. Not even why he turned around and went home that night.
*** Zane wasn't at training the next day. Chuin continued the day with enthusiasm as to not give himself a second to think his own thoughts. Concentration was the key, yet only once he glanced over his right shoulder to see Erato gazing in his direction. He tried not to think of her sad eyes. Keeping his back to her, he could only let himself imagine that those eyes had shifted to someone else.
*** The news Zane had given Chuin had been the truth. A marriage was arranged. His father would get a hefty sum of money as long as Chuin was wed to Erato whose father would begin a partnership for trading matters in which he needed many allies. There was no set date, but it would come. Zane was lost. He would never return to be Chuin's friend. Passing his home on the way to his own, Chuin drew his eyes away from the house as tears returned. Chuin now only felt an urge to leave this town and everyone in it. He'd never lived a happy life there. Zane had been his happiness. The hours each day he'd spent with his best friend were wasted now. Erato, she'd only complicate things. She'd already destroyed his friendship, now she would take away his freedom to love. Although he knew the happiness it'd bring her, he couldn't marry someone he didn't love. She'd be able to find another who'd be able to take care of her the way Chuin couldn't. Never having been beyond the walls of the town, Chuin knew there truly was no possible way he could leave. He'd have no direction, no destination. To go blind would be a foolish choice. The only option Chuin would have now would be to talk his father out of the arrangement, but even that he knew wouldn't go well.
*** Kneeling before his father, Chuin kept his eyes low waiting to be spoken to. Inscents smoked between them relaxing the evening air. Gentle was everything in that room, "What is it that you approach me for, my son?" "Father," he spoke softly afraid of what he had to say. "You are troubled?" "Yes," "With what?" he seemed to know. "Marriage is a large part of manhood." "Yes, I know." Chuin nodded still his eyes were low. "I came to resign." This hit his father. "What!" sharp eyes broke the calmness "Father, I can't." "No, you will." "I do not love her." "You will." his father was stern and hard now. "I do not love any girl," Chuin knew this wasn't something his father didn't already know. "That is not for you to decide." the red of the man's face was bright. "No, you will not back down for it will embarrass our name." "The name is not my own." this was a mistake to point out. "I took you in," the man's voice was dangerous now. "Care for you when your true parents left you to die!" so harsh that Chuin's vision blurred.
"They didn't care for you. I did. Is this how you would repay them?" Thrown back by not only the tone and volume of his father's voice, the words sent Chuin crawling backwards. Chuin begged, "Father, you do not understand." "I made a deal with a good and powerful friend," the room's relaxation was gone. "You will do as you are told." "Father-" "You will make her a happy bride!" "I-" "Disobey me and you will be banished, disowned and your name will bring dishonor to any who utter it!" An arm raised high forced Chuin to run. Where he was headed, he knew not, but he ran. With tears of fear in his eyes he ran. Through the town lit only by the lanterns inside the houses. In his head, he felt that he would not return. Not to his father. Not to marriage. Not to this life. A cry came from a house on his left that was so short that he was surprised his ears were able to pick it up. "What?! Rather than be thankful for your life in a warm home you would rather live on the streets as a whore! Abuse the beauty your father has nurtured in this fine living, you ungrateful child!" The snap of a slap struck Chuin that he pushed himself to looking into a crack. Inside what would have normally seemed to be a cozy home was Erato upon the floor holding her cheek, which was red from the slap and seemed stained from tears from before, but they continued to rewet themselves. Her father's face, red as blood stared down at her with a death glare. Chuin looked down at her hand gripping tight to her robes, shook in fear of the next blow from the raised bulk arm of her father. There would be none. Chuin wouldn't allow it. Bursting in it took them both by surprise. "Don't touch her!" Chuin screamed. The death glare shifted to him, but no action was able to be taken for Chuin grabbed Erato's shaking hand pulling her with him out the door. He didn't know where they would run to, but they ran. A horse, left outside for the night by a passing traveler made a complete getaway capable. Chuin climbed upon the horse's back and looked down to Erato stretching out his hand, "Will you come with me?" he wouldn't lock eyes, though she tried. In all seriousness the moment seemed still. "Only if-" she caught his eyes. She needed to see into his soul before she was able to make a decision. His soul was confused and lost, but it would find its way. Purity was all she needed to feel. Over her shoulder, she look one last look at the peaceful dark town she had grown up in and been kept within her entire life. Ahead of them the full bright moon would light their unpaved path into the world. She looked back up him. Gallant he sat there on the horse looking down at her. "We never come back." He took her arm and pulled her up.
*** Having passed through a desert in the night, they arrived in a forest just as the sun brought the day's light. The wind rushing past their faces had spoken for them the entire ride through the desert. Yet Chuin's arms around Erato holding the horse's reins spoke a different language comforting to her. He was the only one she knew she could truly be safe with. When they stopped to rest at a creek they stayed together. Staring through the tall tree's branches at the sky Erato wanted to sit back in Chuin's arms, but felt it would make him uncomfortable, so instead she just rested her head on a fallen tree. Her eyes would beg to close, but she wanted to stay awake under the sun. "Sleep." he splashed a bit of water on his face. "I'll watch over you." "Where are we going?" she had to know before she drifted off. "I'm not sure yet," he washed off his hands in the cool flowing water. "There should be a town not far from here if I'm correct; we'll get food there." They hadn't brought anything with them with such an abrupt dismissal to their surroundings. "Now sleep some, you'll need the energy." Seeing her sleep, he turned to the creek and dunked his face in being careful to not wet his hair. Where were they? He hadn't a clue where the hell they were, none the less where they'd end up. She'd sleep easier knowing they had a destination. He was sure he would too and that was why he hadn't even bothered trying to sleep.
*** Finding closure in an empty kitchen of the small school, he had put his head in his hands and drowned in misery. His mind, never completely sure of where he was and he couldn't understand any of his feelings. He wasn't even able to deprive himself of even just one. He felt everything. Returning home as the sun began its gradual descend, he found his father not at home. The man he called his 'father' claimed that Chuin had been abandoned as a young child, that he had no idea where the tattooed symbol on Chuin's right hip had come from or even what it meant. This all made Chuin feel even more lost. All he knew was that it told him he was different. In his small room, Chuin discovered his window was opened. Closing it, he found on his mat below it, a small colored paper ball. Picking it up, he saw that one flap was left open. Inside the ball was a paper rose.
*** Chuin's father made herbal tea for every meal. He meditated all day, was a peaceful man, but gambling was an addiction. Throwing away things he didn't even own. Chuin thanked the gods that he still was able to live under a roof. It may have seemed as if he was a normal father, but fathers didn't do the things he did to his 'son'. From the very beginning, even when Chuin was too young to truly understand that he had been abandoned, he felt that this man couldn't truly be his father when he'd undress the both of them. The pain he had felt... Oh, but for a reason Chuin still did not understand, they continued on living together and acting during the day as if nothing happened at night. From the care in the man's daily actions, Chuin couldn't hate him and that was almost as painful as the physical damage. At dinner, the sun made the sky purple and music began to play off in the distance. "Do you plan on going to the star festival?" Chuin's father asked. Before he could lie and say that Zane and himself hadn't planned on it, for he wanted to get rest for the next day, there was a knock on the door. "Ready for the festival?" Zane welcomed himself in.
*** Food, games, music, and dancing flooded the center of the town. Children ran with sparklers and purple lamps on sticks laughing as Chuin knew he once had. Too old for the games and foolish magic tricks, he followed Zane who was drawn to the dancing throng of bodies. Mainly teens, some which they knew, made the air warm so that they sweated together. Waiting for an entrance, Zane kept Chuin to the side of it all to just view the scene. They leaned against the wall of a building next to the stage for the musicians. As if he had any, none of the boys lived up to Chuin's standards, so he didn't study their dancing. "Why did we come here?" Chuin wore a black tied Chinese piece with the piece in front and the slit with black baggy pants. Zane could hear him, but he acted as if he didn't. His eyes scanned the area for hot girls, but would only lock on one. He grabbed Chuin's arm, when he saw her, "Over there!" Chuin was busy getting over the sensation of being grabbed like that as Zane went on, "Do you see that glow? She must be an angel underneath." "You only believe you're in love," Chuin said to himself, for although he spoke aloud, Zane wasn't listening. "Making no real sense when you talk, nothing will come of all this." "Look at her eyes." Zane urged his friend. "They're calling-" he seemed cut off by a sudden discovery for he read the new situation. Turning to his friend, his eyes were almost glaring, but inside they were in disbelief. "You." As if she had heard, Erato made her way directly to the two of them. A crowd of boys made way for her, watching as she picked the chosen one. Standing a foot away from Chuin's feet, she didn't even feel Zane breathing on her left. "If you want to feel the heat," she tempted with the song's melody in her voice. "Just come along and play with me." Chuin dropped his eyes, she couldn't be speaking to him. No, don't talk to me, he begged Please, just leave me alone. "Be my boy," she had to reach for his right hand that was hidden separating his butt from the wall he seemed to be clinging to. She dragged him behind her bouncing her hips side to side with the beat of the speedy music, "I want to be your lover girl." turning to face him, she took his other hand and began to walk backwards, "Be my lover boy." She pulled him into the mist of the suffocating crowd and began to hop around feeling the sound of the music. Chuin just seemed to move as others knocked him in rhythm bringing him into the sway. His vision would begin to blur, but it stopped noticing a head of blue locks in a mob of dancers. That boy, Chuin knew it was him, for the awkward warmth had returned. With those eyes that even now continued to stare at Chuin putting him into a trance so that he didn't even notice the girls surrounding him, nor the dirty words Erato would begin to speak to him, "I want to feel your body," she said it as if she could have been calling up to the gods. "Tonight I'm ready, honey. "This time of night always makes me lose control," as if she needed an excuse for her actions. "I'm just a girl that's looking for some fun." she seemed innocent in her eyes, those that had been 'calling' yet her dance that was so close, held another story and it was one he did not care to read. Away from her, that was all he wanted. He was now finding it harder and harder to breathe and couldn't stop for air for there was none to inhale. Trapped in the smothering bodies a new hand grabbed his wrist. Ice cold, was it even skin? Gasping for air in the moment he found himself outside of the mob, his absence unnoticed. Alone. He always ended up alone. Yet this way he easily fled the scene.
*** Wiping away his fresh tears, he tried to gather himself. Be a man, he told himself. Be a man. The words escaped his thoughts to a low whisper he spoke only to himself, he said "Be a man. Damn it, Chuin, be a-" "Chuin?" the soft voice didn't mean to startle him, but Chuin began to frantically dry his eyes hiding them away from whomever approached him sitting there under the roof on the 'porch' of a building. "Are you all right?" It was Erato. She had never spoken to him before, other than moments before while dancing. How she knew his name, he didn't know. Approaching as if one wrong step would scare him off, she slowly came to a stop her eyes staring through the long hairs that had escaped the two buns on the back of her head. "Yes," he arched his back a little pouting out his chest like a little boy acting tough. "I was worried seeing you run like that." "I'm not much of a dancer." "You seemed to do fine," her smiled indicated that the mood of the conversation was no longer morose. "I love the way you look at me." she spoke, chin low with her eyes focused on his pretty face. Her feet brought her only a single step closer. "Don't think I don't see you watching me with your friend." "All the boys look at you." Chuin didn't want to talk to her about this, and was left mainly speechless so all that he said came out in little choppy bits. He tried to look out at the purple glow of the festival, being the only light in the town other than the stars above. It was then that a cool breeze blew his long dark hair back over his shoulders and with the moon light shining down on his pale face, she stepped closer to unburden her conscience, "I don't know what it is, but everything about you is just so irresistible." You lock me up in your dirty cage while I feel pain inside. He never looked towards her when she spoke. She felt the urge to get upon the ledge and she grabbed the pole next to him. "Hey Pretty," she held onto the pole as she spun around him. "Hey now, can't you feel me longing?" she asked hoping down right in front of him. "Hey now - can't you feel me?" she took his hand, but lost it. There was pain in his face that had eyes shut so tight as to not view her in this state in which he knew in his heart she truly was not. She put on this whore act to appeal to him. It was because of him that she was pretending to be someone she wasn't. She was so lucky to know who she was, but didn't know its value for she was abusing her identity for his attention. "I'm sorry," he opened his eyes, but they were kept low as was his voice speaking slowly now. "I'm just not attracted to you." he quickly added, "You are very beautiful." he sighed. "I am just...not attracted. I'm sorry." She paused, in breath and in thought to comprehend what he was saying. Falling on the bench next to him her eyes searched her mind for clarification. Blinking she understood and saw the real picture. A tear paced itself down her cheek. He wasn't aware until she sniffled to suck in a second one. "I felt it," her hands were holding each other at her chest. Now she was the one looking down. "You were it. The one." she paused. "I would have never done this for anyone else." she couldn't keep back, "Don't you find me the least bit attractive." "I said I do!" he convinced her. "But don't do this for anyone. You know who you are. You need to just feel what you are," he felt he had to tell her, "What you are is beautiful." "So you do find me attractive?" her face lit up a bit.
"Yes!" "Oh, but I love you!" she flung herself on him. Her warmth was so foreign, he tried to back up, but felt the need to comfort her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and sat her up off his chest. Her eyes went directly to his expecting some sort of kiss as they fell to focus in on his lips. "Don't cry," any other boy would have wiped away those tears. "Just-" Chuin knew not what he could tell her to make things better in her world, when we couldn't even help himself in his. He couldn't just sit there and have her eyes search his for answers that were not there. It was all just too painful. "Just-" he took one last look at her, "Stay pretty." he ran. Passing Zane's home in his fast pace, a pair of eyes caught Chuin, "Zane-" "You know I love her." was all he heard from the shadows. The voice was hurt, the wound was deep and it still bled. "I don't-" "The word is out," Zane took a step forward, but still staying mysteriously hidden. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? Afraid you would hurt me?" "I hadn't known she would come up to me like that," attempting to explain was all Chuin could do. "Zane, I don't like her; she is yours."
"Is that so?" Zane cocked his head to the side. "Well what an unhappy marriage that'll be." "What?" Chuin was confused. "Your father told me," Zane shook his head with something deep in his mind. "Erato's father chose you to marry her; some deals involved, but she's yours. How could you?" "I didn't know-" "A lie!" Zane spat. Chuin's eyes searched for mercy. His best friend, compainion since first memory was breaking a friendship over a girl neither loved. With trust broken, Chuin felt his heart ache. He would lose all the happiness in his life if only he could keep Zane by his side. "Friend," he begged. "I speak honest words. I heard this arrangement from you for the first time. Erato, she is not for me. I have no feelings for her." "None of that means a thing," Zane shook his head that hung low. "She is still your bride." he spat again, "Friend." "I-" Chuin struggled to get out the sound of words, but now the tears would stream down his face, "I-I lov-" Instead Chuin choked on the sounds he coughed up. "I hate you." Zane's words were solid. Cold. Chuin was suddenly so cold, so numb. The wind that had been so gentle before, now unkindly hit his cheeks and froze the tears that would stain pale white cheeks remaining for eternity. Zane was gone. Chuin left alone under the night sky of stars that each seemed to be a needle that stabbed him all at once. He would drown that night.
*** High grass blew along the river that bordered Karauchi. The water would be kind in the warm weather. Untying his top, Chuin also undid his ponytail. Long dark hair flew in the wind, yet a few strains were stuck to his wet cheeks. His paces were numbered in a smooth stride to the water. The current was strong, day and night it would grab and hold tight. His bare feet felt the ground turn sand in the shallowness of the flow. Tilting his head back, he saw the stars above for a final time. He wasn't meant for this world. This was never my world. he figured no one would understood this pain and confusion he faced day to day. Life wasn't worth living if this was all a heart could feel. Looking back down ahead of him, Chuin's heart skipped a beat as it was shocked to see the boy had appeared a foot away from him. Chuin hadn't felt his presence appear this time. "Who are you?" Chuin sucked up as many tears as he could to sound normal. He knew that they shimmered and had been seen in the round moon's light that lit their faces. "Does it matter?" the question was a surprise and he got to the point. "I came to speak to you." Chuin's mind was read, "You feel differently than everyone else." "I-I hurt." unconsciencely Chuin opened up. "How?" he dug deeper. "You hurt in the heart, yes?" "My hearts an internal blood clot," Chuin felt as if he spoke what came. "I picked at it - it never heals, it never goes away." "It bleeds for a friend." a statement, not a question. "I would have told him then," Chuin inhaled deeply not sure how he felt this so clearly. "He was the only thing that I could love in this dying world." Tears blurred everything and choked his words, "But the simple word of 'love' itself, has all ready died and went away!" To his knees, he fell with his hands holding all his tears. It was then that he felt his own cry aloud. He hadn't spoken a word prior to his first question. "Y-you're in my head!" he was wanting to run. "I am not invading, am I?" the boy's dry lips never moved nor twitched. "What is it that you want?" Chuin didn't feel the need to waste his breath. "To talk to you," he sounded innocent enough in Chuin's head. This surprised Chuin to realize that the presence now wasn't dark, it was just barely there. "You've caught me at a rather bad time." "I don't think I would be able to catch you at anytime tomorrow." the voice seemed comfortable within Chuin's skull. "I never understood why someone would wish to kill themselves, it's rather weak." "Than I am weak," Chuin didn't care. "and I don't suppose you ever felt love like I do." "You want to be happy," he seemed to want to be leading the conversation. The wind blew through them and made Chuin's skin cold to even his own touch. "I just want them to be happy!" "Together?" "Yes!" pause. "No!" confusion. "Stop questioning me!" hands over his ears, it did no good. This boy was in control and would read Chuin's emotions until he was satisfied. "Your thoughts, your feelings, they're interesting." the boy turned his back to Chuin, but looked back over his shoulder to say aloud, "Stay around. I'll see what happens, Tomo." Tomo? He recognized the name as if he'd heard it before, but it was fresh to his ears. Tomo. Chuin looked up at the stars in the sky. His tears were dry and all he could hear was the water flowing and the wind in his ears. It didn't surprise him that the boy was gone when he looked down. He wasn't sure of anything at that point, not his feelings, not his identity. Not even why he turned around and went home that night.
*** Zane wasn't at training the next day. Chuin continued the day with enthusiasm as to not give himself a second to think his own thoughts. Concentration was the key, yet only once he glanced over his right shoulder to see Erato gazing in his direction. He tried not to think of her sad eyes. Keeping his back to her, he could only let himself imagine that those eyes had shifted to someone else.
*** The news Zane had given Chuin had been the truth. A marriage was arranged. His father would get a hefty sum of money as long as Chuin was wed to Erato whose father would begin a partnership for trading matters in which he needed many allies. There was no set date, but it would come. Zane was lost. He would never return to be Chuin's friend. Passing his home on the way to his own, Chuin drew his eyes away from the house as tears returned. Chuin now only felt an urge to leave this town and everyone in it. He'd never lived a happy life there. Zane had been his happiness. The hours each day he'd spent with his best friend were wasted now. Erato, she'd only complicate things. She'd already destroyed his friendship, now she would take away his freedom to love. Although he knew the happiness it'd bring her, he couldn't marry someone he didn't love. She'd be able to find another who'd be able to take care of her the way Chuin couldn't. Never having been beyond the walls of the town, Chuin knew there truly was no possible way he could leave. He'd have no direction, no destination. To go blind would be a foolish choice. The only option Chuin would have now would be to talk his father out of the arrangement, but even that he knew wouldn't go well.
*** Kneeling before his father, Chuin kept his eyes low waiting to be spoken to. Inscents smoked between them relaxing the evening air. Gentle was everything in that room, "What is it that you approach me for, my son?" "Father," he spoke softly afraid of what he had to say. "You are troubled?" "Yes," "With what?" he seemed to know. "Marriage is a large part of manhood." "Yes, I know." Chuin nodded still his eyes were low. "I came to resign." This hit his father. "What!" sharp eyes broke the calmness "Father, I can't." "No, you will." "I do not love her." "You will." his father was stern and hard now. "I do not love any girl," Chuin knew this wasn't something his father didn't already know. "That is not for you to decide." the red of the man's face was bright. "No, you will not back down for it will embarrass our name." "The name is not my own." this was a mistake to point out. "I took you in," the man's voice was dangerous now. "Care for you when your true parents left you to die!" so harsh that Chuin's vision blurred.
"They didn't care for you. I did. Is this how you would repay them?" Thrown back by not only the tone and volume of his father's voice, the words sent Chuin crawling backwards. Chuin begged, "Father, you do not understand." "I made a deal with a good and powerful friend," the room's relaxation was gone. "You will do as you are told." "Father-" "You will make her a happy bride!" "I-" "Disobey me and you will be banished, disowned and your name will bring dishonor to any who utter it!" An arm raised high forced Chuin to run. Where he was headed, he knew not, but he ran. With tears of fear in his eyes he ran. Through the town lit only by the lanterns inside the houses. In his head, he felt that he would not return. Not to his father. Not to marriage. Not to this life. A cry came from a house on his left that was so short that he was surprised his ears were able to pick it up. "What?! Rather than be thankful for your life in a warm home you would rather live on the streets as a whore! Abuse the beauty your father has nurtured in this fine living, you ungrateful child!" The snap of a slap struck Chuin that he pushed himself to looking into a crack. Inside what would have normally seemed to be a cozy home was Erato upon the floor holding her cheek, which was red from the slap and seemed stained from tears from before, but they continued to rewet themselves. Her father's face, red as blood stared down at her with a death glare. Chuin looked down at her hand gripping tight to her robes, shook in fear of the next blow from the raised bulk arm of her father. There would be none. Chuin wouldn't allow it. Bursting in it took them both by surprise. "Don't touch her!" Chuin screamed. The death glare shifted to him, but no action was able to be taken for Chuin grabbed Erato's shaking hand pulling her with him out the door. He didn't know where they would run to, but they ran. A horse, left outside for the night by a passing traveler made a complete getaway capable. Chuin climbed upon the horse's back and looked down to Erato stretching out his hand, "Will you come with me?" he wouldn't lock eyes, though she tried. In all seriousness the moment seemed still. "Only if-" she caught his eyes. She needed to see into his soul before she was able to make a decision. His soul was confused and lost, but it would find its way. Purity was all she needed to feel. Over her shoulder, she look one last look at the peaceful dark town she had grown up in and been kept within her entire life. Ahead of them the full bright moon would light their unpaved path into the world. She looked back up him. Gallant he sat there on the horse looking down at her. "We never come back." He took her arm and pulled her up.
*** Having passed through a desert in the night, they arrived in a forest just as the sun brought the day's light. The wind rushing past their faces had spoken for them the entire ride through the desert. Yet Chuin's arms around Erato holding the horse's reins spoke a different language comforting to her. He was the only one she knew she could truly be safe with. When they stopped to rest at a creek they stayed together. Staring through the tall tree's branches at the sky Erato wanted to sit back in Chuin's arms, but felt it would make him uncomfortable, so instead she just rested her head on a fallen tree. Her eyes would beg to close, but she wanted to stay awake under the sun. "Sleep." he splashed a bit of water on his face. "I'll watch over you." "Where are we going?" she had to know before she drifted off. "I'm not sure yet," he washed off his hands in the cool flowing water. "There should be a town not far from here if I'm correct; we'll get food there." They hadn't brought anything with them with such an abrupt dismissal to their surroundings. "Now sleep some, you'll need the energy." Seeing her sleep, he turned to the creek and dunked his face in being careful to not wet his hair. Where were they? He hadn't a clue where the hell they were, none the less where they'd end up. She'd sleep easier knowing they had a destination. He was sure he would too and that was why he hadn't even bothered trying to sleep.