G. I. Joe Fan Fiction / Transformers Fan Fiction ❯ Transformers Vs GI Joe: Postal ❯ One-Shot

Transformers Vs GI Joe: Postal

By Sidewinder (aim9snake@hotmail.com), 2007, revised 2008. Characters created and owned by Hasbro and Takara.

<>

"He's gone postal."

The statement confused Sergeant Major Ettienne R. LaFitte, codename "Gung Ho." "What do you mean?" He pointed at the robot Tyrannosaurus whose metal-cutting teeth were tearing a XM1 prototype main battle tank (MBT) to pieces. "Grimlock's right over here."

"I mean he's gone berserk," Ratchet explained.

"Since when does going to the post office mean going berserk?"

"I should explain." Ratchet glanced at Grimlock, who had torn out the XM1's turbine engine and was chewing on it. "10,000,010 Earth years ago, every mail carrier in the Cybertronian Postal Service mutinied. The mail carriers launched simultaneous attacks against their supervisors, set the post offices on fire and, carrying the supervisors' heads as trophies, began to attack random Cybertronians in the major cities. The mutiny occurred the same time the Decepticons attacked the Capitol, killing every member of the Autobot Council of Elders; because of this, the Omega Sentinels didn't receive orders to defeat the rioting mail carriers and restore peace, until an estimated 12,000 to 15,000 Cybertronians were dead."

"Why in hell did the Cybertronian mailmen do that?" the Joe asked.

"At the time, the Cybertronian Postal Service guaranteed that every item it processed would be delivered within 30 minutes. The medical drones that serviced the mail carriers, noted that the guarantee subjected the mail carriers' software, hardware, and frames to high levels of stress. We assumed the mail carriers rioted because they demanded relief from this stress, and the supervisors refused to give in to their demands; we aren't certain because none of the supervisors survived, and 90 percent of the mail carriers died fighting against the Omega Sentinels," the Autobot stated.

"What happened to the 10 percent who didn't die?"

"The mail carriers modified their frames, installing weapons and replacing their mail trays with ammo boxes, and became mercenaries. They fought for the Decepticons during the war, but they disappeared 8,500,000 Earth years ago. Unconfirmed reports stated that Starscream, Skywarp, and Chromia defeated the mail carriers in battle, and took their place in the Decepticon military; no one knows where the mail carriers are now."

Grimlock walked towards the two. "XM1 weak, not suitable for GI Joe. Merkava better."

Gung Ho examined the second MBT, which had pieces of armor torn off the turret; serious damage, but not as serious as what the XM1 was subjected to. "If you say so."

>

It was the spring of 1949. World War 2, fought between an alliance led by the United States and the Autobots, and an alliance led by Cobra and the Decepticons, ended two years ago. The humans, their physical and mental strength tested by seven years of war, began to rebuild their homeworld. During the reconstruction, the United States Post Office Department was reorganized as the United States Postal Service, which ordered the Grumman Long Life Vehicle (LLV) as a replacement for the Ford Model A mail truck.

The sight of an LLV didn't draw much attention, but a dozen LLVs, traveling in a convoy, did. "Nellis," an Air Force Base (AFB), "must be getting a lot of mail today," someone commented as the LLVs approached the gate to the base. Then the LLVs transformed into robot bears. "What in hell...?"

"Roarrrr!" Hatches opened on the robot bears' collarbones to deploy laser cannons and grenade launchers; they reached back to draw power swords, axes, and daggers. The gate guards bravely fired G3A3 rifles at the bears, but the bullets ricocheted harmlessly off the Transformers' armor. One guard managed to call for help before two grenades destroyed the guard posts.

Express Mail, leader of the Cybertronian Postal Service's mail carriers, pointed his sword at the open gates. He had three heads, like the mythical Cerberus, which mounted flamethrowers. "Destroy!" "Destroy anything you see!" "Destroy everything you see!"

"Destroy! Destroy! Destroy!" his subordinates chanted. The bears ran past the guard posts' burning ruins, into Nellis AFB.

>

The report that Transformers were attacking Nellis AFB, quickly reached the Autobots at nearby Area 51. "Autobots, transform!" Grimlock ordered before transforming into a PzH 2000 self-propelled howitzer. He drove out in search of battle, followed by a FlakPz 1 A2 Gepard air defense vehicle. A SEPECAT Jaguar IM fighter flew overhead, followed by Ratchet, now a Bell UH-1Y Huey medevac helicopter.

A Weapons Mount Installation Kit (WMIT) variant of the Land Rover Wolf truck drove up to Gung Ho. "Need a lift?" Brawn, the WMIT, asked.

The Joe jumped into the driver's seat. "To the armory."

The Autobots arrived at Nellis AFB's Post Exchange (PX), which was on fire. Humans, family members of airmen stationed at the base, ran in all directions as the mail carriers slashed at the walls, knocking them down.

"Express Mail!"

The leader of the Cybertronian Postal Service's mail carriers, blue flames shooting out from the heads' "nostrils," turned to see the PzH 2000 transform. "Grimlock!"

"Roarrrr!" The warriors charged towards each other. Express Mail's pistol, a grenade launcher, targeted Grimlock, but the Tyrannosaurus's 155 mm howitzer, a disguised heavy plasma cannon, fired first. The plasma beam blasted a hole in Express Mail's breastplate, throwing the bear off his feet.

Two mail carriers turned to Grimlock, aiming their own weapons at the Tyrannosaurus. Slag, the Gepard, transformed into a robot Triceratops while the bears were distracted; electromagnets on Slag's cannon barrels accelerated the shells to fractional light speed, delivering enough momentum to pierce the mail carriers' heavy armor. The bears ignored the pain they felt as their pistols returned fire; laser beams scorched the Triceratops' armor.

Swoop, the Jaguar IM, fired six Brimstone antitank missiles at the mail carriers; four missiles hit their targets, throwing them off their feet, but two were able to cut the warheads off the missiles, which exploded harmlessly beside the bears.

"Shriek!" Swoop rolled to dodge the mail carriers' return fire. He transformed into a robot Dimorphodon and dived, his talons reaching for the bears' optics.

An arm extended from the Huey to fire a laser pistol at one of the mail carriers.

"Roarrrr!" The bear threw his power ax, cutting one of the helicopter's main rotor blades in half.

"Ahhhh!" Ratchet transformed to land on his feet; sparks shot out from his servomotors. The mail carrier drew a power dagger and charged towards the Autobot. "Shock!" Ratchet fired his pistol as he backed away from his enemy.

Brawn raced to the PX parking lot, which was now a battlefield. "Each Dinobot," Grimlock, Slag, and Swoop, "is tough enough to beat down three mail carriers. Unfortunately, they're outnumbered four to one. Are you sure you want to get involved?"

Gung Ho jumped out of the WMIT, lifted an FGM-148 Javelin antitank missile launcher out of the cargo compartment, and aimed it at one of the mail carriers. "Hell yes." He fired the Javelin at the bear's head; the missile burned a hole in the mail carrier's helmet, slamming him on his back.

Arms extended to lift another missile out of Brawn's cargo compartment; then the Autobot turned to a second mail carrier. "Good." He raced towards the bear. The WMIT's roll cage-mounted Shoulder-launched Multipurpose Assault Weapon (SMAW) rocket launchers fired two mini-missiles, the warheads burning holes in the bear's chest and right shoulder; the surprised mail carrier dropped the power dagger in his right hand. "Hey, postal bot!" Brawn transformed, jumped into the air, and raised his right fist. The bear fired two collarbone-mounted grenade launchers. Brawn rolled in midair to dodge the incoming grenades; his left shoulder rammed the mail carrier's chest to knock the bear off his feet.

The Autobot brought down his fist; the mail carrier felt jackhammers built into Brawn's knuckles, the tools modified to become close quarters combat weapons, punch holes in his helmet. "Roarrrr!" The bear thrust the dagger in his left hand, the point cutting into the Autobot's breastplate.

Gung Ho reloaded the missile launcher as Brawn and the second mail carrier wrestled. He aimed the weapon at the bear; then a shadow enveloped him. The Joe looked up to see the first mail carrier, smoke rising from the hole in the bear's head, stand over him.

"Roarrrr!" The mail carrier raised his power ax, ready to avenge the damage to his frame.

"Yaaaa!" Gung Ho fired the missile, which hit the bear's codpiece.

The mail carrier dropped the ax and put his hands over his codpiece; smoke rose between the bear's claws. "Howllll!" The mail carrier kneeled down and fell, like a tree after receiving blows from a lumberjack's ax, towards the Joe.

"Yikes!" Gung Ho turned around and ran away; he felt the wind blow upon his back as the bear's head slammed against the ground.

Flames encircled Grimlock and Express Mail; both warriors used their flamethrowers against their opponent, but both warriors had integral fire extinguishers to protect themselves from the flames. The Tyrannosaurus and the three-headed bear charged towards each other, Express Mail's sword cutting into Grimlock's neck as the Tyrannosaurus' claws hooked onto the hole in the three-headed bear's breastplate. Grimlock's traversed the turret on his back, using the cannon barrel to knock away Express Mail's sword; he brought down his foot, the claws transforming the hole into a gash.

Laser beams rained on the battlefield, hitting warriors on both sides. "Roarrrr!" The Dinobots looked up to see a Decepticon shuttle hovering overhead.

Express Mail slammed the pommel against Grimlock's head, stunning the Tyrannosaurus. "Mail carriers, retreat!" The shuttle's cargo bay doors opened; the bears backed away from the Autobots, their weapons firing in all directions to cover their retreat.

Grimlock's cannon roared, blasting a hole in the cockpit. A hand reached through the hole to fire a laser pistol; the beams scorched the Tyrannosaurus' armor. The shuttle's laser cannons continued to fire blindly, scorching the bears' backplates; four mail carriers turned around and returned fire, scorching the armor of the shuttle that was supposed to evacuate them.

Express Mail reached into the shuttle's cargo bay. He turned around and threw a metal box, which landed in front of Grimlock. "Certified Mail for the Autobots!" Once the other mail carriers had boarded the shuttle, the three-headed bear joined them; the shuttle rocketed away from Nellis AFB, flickering in and out of sight as its active camouflage was activated.

Gung Ho crawled out from under the wrecked car that shielded him from the laser beams. "What in hell is that?" he asked, pointing at the metal box.

Ratchet limped towards the metal box; tools extended from his fingertips. "It's a demolition charge."

"What kind of demolition charge?"

"It serves the same function as the W54 SADM," Special Atomic Demolition Munition.

Sweat chilled Gung Ho's body. "Can you disarm it?"

Ratchet examined the demolition charge. "I advise you to evacuate Nellis AFB."

"Shock." Gung Ho turned to Grimlock. "Call the base commander; he needs to know about this."

"Grimlock already do so." United States Air Force security police arrived to help the Joe.

>>

"You lucky Ratchet disarm demolition charge," Grimlock said.

"The Destrongers," which replaced the Decepticons as the second faction a Transformer may pledge allegiance to, "are not responsible for the attack on Nellis AFB," Shockwave stated.

"Mail carriers escape on Decepticon shuttle."

"The Destrongers will never provide such assistance to the Cybertronian Postal Service."

Grimlock growled at the Destronger Commander's hologram, wishing his claws could reach across the distance between Earth and Cybertron, and cut into Shockwave's breastplate. "What proof Grimlock have that Destrongers not responsible? Mail carriers worked for Megatron," the late Decepticon Commander, Shockwave's predecessor.

"Megatron also dismissed the mail carriers, at my request. The mail carriers frequently launched attacks without first interrogating their targets for an IFF," identification friend or foe, "code; an estimated 15 to 20 Decepticons died by their hands."

"Grimlock know Shockwave smart, never discard resource as long as it useful. Grimlock know mail carriers useful shock troops."

"Logic dictates that shock troops who attack allied units, can potentially cause more damage than enemy units; the mail carriers are useless for this reason. In addition, Express Mail resents me, and will never agree to serve me," Shockwave stated.

"Why?"

"Express Mail attacked me after he was informed that I requested the dismissal of the mail carriers. He severed my left hand." A graser cannon barrel replaced that hand. "I severed his head."

The statement confused Grimlock. "You sever Express Mail's head...?"

"12 additional mail carriers accompanied Express Mail when he launched his attack. Logic dictated that I retreat and summon reinforcements. The mail carriers had escaped by the time I returned; they were evidently able to repair Express Mail."

"What you do now?"

"Logic dictates cooperating with the Autobots to neutralize the mail carriers," Shockwave stated.

"You mean destroy."

Shockwave's optic flashed to express anger, even hatred, which the Destronger Commander kept under tight control. "Yes."

>

Express Mail's optics flashed as he examined the female Decepticon. "Interface with my mainframe, and our prototypes," Transformer children, "will be invincible in battle!" the left head said. "The Master of the Terror Soaring Saber is reportedly a skilled hacker; to interface with his apprentice is to invite a hacking attack," the right head said. "I fear no female!"

"I'm not interested in interfacing with your mainframe," Chromia stated.

"Why are you here?" Express Mail's center head demanded.

"The Master of the Terror Soaring Saber has another mission for you."

"Payment."

Chromia remotely opened the metal box behind her. "He will provide 120,000 units of energon now, and another 120,000 units when the mission is complete."

"The mission?"

"Destroy the Prime."

Express Mail's left and right heads stared at each other. "He is well defended."

"The Cybertronian Postal Service is unable to deliver his head?"

"We will be able if we receive the necessary tools." "Replacement parts to repair the shuttle." "Heavy weapons." "You."

"You will receive the replacement parts to repair the shuttle, and heavy weapons, but you will receive no further assistance from me."

"Acceptable." "Unacceptable." The three-headed bear was psychically lifted off the floor; flames encircled him as the female Decepticon began using her pyrokinetic abilities. "We will destroy the Prime."

Chromia extinguished the flames and lowered Express Mail onto the floor. "Excellent."

>>

Optimus Prime examined the damages caused by the mail carriers. "I doubt Shockwave is responsible; if he was, logic would have dictated attacking the airfield to destroy the aircraft and equipment there, not razing the PX."

Brawn shrugged. "Maybe he's gone postal. I know I'd go postal if I had logic dictate everything."

Optimus turned to General Clayton M. Abernathy, codename "Hawk," who came alone, trusting in Optimus' abilities. "Your assessment, Hawk?"

"We simply don't have enough information to make an assessment." The Joe watched the Autobot Commander's head turn, as if he heard something. "What is it?"

"Sentinel," a network of spy satellites, "is tracking an IR," infrared, "signature approaching this location. I advise you to..." Optimus grabbed Hawk and jumped backwards, dodging an incoming laser beam. "Take cover." The Autobot Commander tracked the beam to its source; he fired his laser carbine, the beam disrupting the shuttle's active camouflage.

Aboard the shuttle, Express Mail ordered, "Deliver the Parcels." The mail carriers threw six pods, resembling bombs, out the cargo bay door. The pods used retro rockets to slow their descent; tripod legs extended the moment they landed.

Brawn recognized the pods. "Shock! Autoguns!" automated gun turrets, which began firing laser cannons and mini-missiles at him. The Autobot ran sideways; near misses formed craters and scorch marks on the ground behind him.

"Retreat to Area 51!" Optimus transformed into a Tomahawk IIA variant of the Boeing CH-47 transport helicopter; four-bladed propellers provided the lift he needed to carry two AGM-84Cy Harpoon antiship missiles, eight AGM-114Cy Longbow Hellfire antitank missiles, and two M260 rocket launchers that were mounted under his wings. He put Hawk in the cockpit; then his arms pointed rearwards, his forearm-mounted chain guns returning fire as the Autobot Commander swerved to dodge incoming laser beams and mini-missiles.

A mail carrier jumped out of the shuttle. "Roarrrr!"

Brawn looked up; then the mail carrier fell upon him, slamming the Autobot against the ground. "Get off of me!" The bear's arms encircled Brawn, locking his arms to his side; the Autobot's knee slammed against the bear's codpiece, but the mail carrier refused to let go.

"Brawn!" Optimus turned around, even though this exposed his sides to the autoguns; laser beams scorched his armor. The Autobot Commander fired a Hellfire, which burned a hole in the bear's backplate. Brawn took advantage of this to free his right hand; his knuckles slammed against the bear's head, shattering the bear's left optic.

"Priiiime!" Express Mail jumped out of the shuttle; he fired his pistol at Optimus as he fell.

Optimus transformed to return fire; then Express Mail's sword cut into his left shoulder. "Argh!" The Autobot Commander put his hand over the sword, locking it in place, and fired his carbine at point-blank range; the beam burned a hole in the three-headed bear's breastplate.

"Howllll!" Express Mail's weight pulled Optimus towards the ground. The warriors engaged in hand-to-hand combat as they fell, offering no mercy, and receiving none.

The shuttle dived; its laser cannons fired blindly, hitting warriors on both sides. Two of the autoguns exploded.

"Watch where you're pointing the cannons! We needed those autoguns!" a mail carrier shouted to the shuttle pilot.

The shuttle pilot turned around and fired his pistol; the beam scorched the other mail carrier's helmet. "I'll point the cannons in any direction I want!"

"Roarrrr!" The other mail carrier punched the shuttle pilot; they engaged in hand-to-hand combat, and didn't see the ground rush towards the windshield.

"Roarrrr!" Ten mail carriers jumped out of the shuttle, which crashed and transformed into a fireball. The mail carriers drew their weapons and split into two groups, one group charging towards Brawn, the second group firing their laser cannons and grenade launchers at the falling Optimus and Express Mail.

"Shrieeeek!" Once Swoop had the mail carriers' attention, the Dimorphodon fired Brimstones at the bears. Three of the mail carriers jumped up, their power swords and daggers reaching for Swoop. The Dimorphodon's wings flapped, lifting him out of the bears' reach; the mail carriers jumped again, determined to cut down Swoop.

Optimus and Express Mail crashed onto the ground; sparks shot out from their servomotors. The warriors pushed and pulled, trying to overpower their opponent.

Grimlock and Slag raced to the battlefield to see two mail carriers rise from the shuttle wreckage. The bears turned to each other, and continued fighting.

"Attack?" the Triceratops asked.

"Attack." Grimlock sent a plasma beam through the shuttle pilot; the target's reactor melted down, killing him. The other mail carrier turned towards the Tyrannosaurus; then Slag sent shells through his helmet and breastplate, knocking down the other mail carrier.

In the Tomahawk IIA cockpit, Hawk watched Express Mail's left and right heads bite Optimus' shoulders. The Autobot Commander retaliated by head butting the mail carrier, breaking off three of the metal-cutting teeth in Express Mail's center head. "I recommend a tactical withdrawal," the Joe suggested. He watched the three-headed bear's sword reach for him; a power dagger blade extended from Optimus' left forearm to block the thrust. "Now."

"That..." Optimus' knee slammed against Express Mail's codpiece. "Is..." The three-headed bear fired his flamethrowers, but he was so close, the weapons set both warriors on fire; Optimus was forced to jettison the weapons on his pauldrons, his vehicle mode's wings. "Not..." Both warriors used integral fire extinguishers to cover themselves with foam, extinguishing the flames. "Possible!" Optimus pushed, slamming the back of Express Mail's head against the ground; then the three-headed bear's slashed again, his sword cutting into Optimus' gorget.

"Damn it." Hawk's fingers danced on the radio's controls; he hoped reinforcements would arrive in time.

The autoguns, which were unable to shoot at Optimus and Brawn because the Autobots were too close to the mail carriers, began shooting at Grimlock; the Tyrannosaurus' turret-mounted M307 grenade launcher shot down the incoming mini-missiles, but the laser beams scorched his armor.

"Destroy autoguns," Grimlock ordered. Slag sent shells through the autoguns' thin armor, destroying the heavy weapons one by one. "Good." The Dinobots charged towards the mail carriers.

"Optimus Prime, this is Onslaught. Do you require assistance?" the Combaticon transmitted.

"I welcome any assistance you can provide," the Autobot Commander answered. An optic, mounted in the back of Optimus' head, let him see the Combaticons rocket towards him.

Onslaught, Vortex, and Blastoff, respectively a Tupolev Tu-22M5 Backfire bomber, a Kamov Ka-50-2 Erdogan attack helicopter, and a Mikoyan MiG-29K Fulcrum fighter, transformed. Brawl and Swindle, respectively able to transform into a T-80UM2 Black Eagle MBT and a 2S6M1 Tunguska air defense vehicle, followed close behind the flyers. "Combaticons, unite and form Bruticus." Onslaught formed the torso, Vortex and Blastoff formed the left and right legs, Brawl and Swindle formed the left and right legs. The Combaticons' weapons detached from their frames, uniting to form the Ultimate Weapon.

Express Mail's right head turned to see Bruticus, the super warrior that was the union of the Combaticons, land in the PX parking lot. "Mail carriers, retreat!" "No retreat! We must destroy the Prime!" Then Optimus' dagger pierced the center gorget. The Autobot Commander pulled his arm sideways, the dagger cutting through the neck and leaving the center head hanging by four cables. "Howllll!"

Bruticus grabbed one of the mail carriers and squeezed, cracking the bear's armor. The mail carrier's ax struck the super warrior's fingers as the bear tried to free himself; then his torso was crushed, scattering his arms and legs onto the ground.

"Bulk Mail!" "No one can kill a mail carrier except another mail carrier!" "I will avenge you!" Three mail carriers shot, slashed, and stabbed at Bruticus' legs, but the attacks were useless against the super warrior's force field. The Ultimate Weapon fired a volley, blowing the mail carriers off their feet.

Without the center head's mediation, the argument between Express Mail's left and right heads, raged out of control. "Retreat!" "No retreat!" Two of the mail carriers had already transformed and were racing away from the PX parking lot. Express Mail fired his pistol, hitting both mail carriers in the rear, but the LLVs didn't stop or turn around.

"The madness ends now!" Optimus threw Express Mail into the PX ruins. The Autobot Commander fired his carbine and chain guns at the hole in the three-headed bear's breastplate, setting Express Mail on fire.

"Howllll!" The three-headed bear rolled forwards, onto his feet. He dropped his pistol, raised his sword, and charged. Optimus continued firing, the laser beams and shells enlarging the hole in Express Mail's breastplate; finally, they pierced the reactor, which melted down, killing the three-headed bear.

Tomahawk IIAs appeared overhead; the helicopters' ramps lowered to let M1A1 Snake Eater exoskeletons jump out of their cargo bays. Hawk sighed in relief. "The cavalry has arrived." Joes, piloting the exoskeletons, fired M197 Gatling guns at the bears as they descended.

The other mail carriers, with the exception of the two who raced away, soon joined their leader in the Pit.

>>

"Grimlock still suspect Shockwave hire mail carriers, suspect Combaticons came to destroy evidence."

"If Shockwave did hire the mail carriers, logic would have dictated that we assist Express Mail by attacking Optimus," Onslaught stated.

"Grimlock know Shockwave smart; maybe logic dictated making mail carriers lose." The Tyrannosaurus turned to see the Autobot Commander march into the hangar. "What prisoner," the mail carrier who fought the shuttle pilot, and survived Slag's attack, "say?"

"The prisoner, who identified himself as First-Class Mail, claimed the Cybertronian Postal Service was hired by the Master of the Terror Soaring Saber."

The statement confused Onslaught. "Starscream," Master of the Terror Soaring Saber, "is dead."

Grimlock turned to the Combaticons. "Where Skywarp and Chromia?" Starscream's apprentices.

"They resigned from the Destronger military 2.60 Earth years ago. Unconfirmed reports stated that they were recruiting Decepticons who refused to acknowledge Shockwave's authority, to form a mercenary band," Vortex stated.

Onslaught's head turned, as if he heard something. "Shockwave proposes that the Combaticons form a task force with the Dinobots to hunt down the mail carriers who escaped."

Grimlock growled. "Shockwave coward, not want to fight mail carriers."

"Logic dictates that he has more important tasks to accomplish than flying around North America in search of two rampant," insane, "Cybertronians."

Optimus turned to Onslaught. "I accept Shockwave's proposal."

>

In a hollow asteroid, the base of the Master of the Terror Soaring Saber, Chromia was hacking into the Autobot Defense Force's network; she now had records of the battle between the Autobots and the Cybertronian Postal Service. "Were they worth the energon we spent?"

Starscream smiled as he watched Optimus fight Express Mail. "Yes. We must take advantage of any chance to strain the peace between the Autobots and Destrongers, and to destroy their leaders."

"If Optimus and Shockwave's deaths were required, I could've delivered them."

Starscream put his hand on Chromia's shoulder. "But the Autobots and Destrongers wouldn't have allowed you to escape after killing their leaders. You're my apprentice, too valuable to send on a suicide mission."

Chromia smiled as she watched Brawn's jackhammers shatter a mail carrier's helmet. "Thank you."

<>

This story is a prologue to 'Alien Vs Predator Vs Transformers Vs GI Joe'. The story was originally set in 1950; I changed this so the human heroes wouldn't be so damn old when they fought the xenomorphs.

Gung Ho is unfamiliar with the slang "postal" because Patrick Henry Sherrill, the disgruntled postal worker who made the word synonymous with "insane," committed mass murder in August 20, 1986.

I case you're unfamiliar with the series, Gung Ho and Hawk are members of GI Joe, a special operations force with the mission of protecting the US from threats which regular military forces are unable to handle. Destrongers are Decepticons, as they're referred to in 'Transformers: Car Robot', the Japanese version of 'Transformers: Robots in Disguise'.

I originally intended to write a 'Transformers: Generation 1' story about an Autobot berserker, named Postal, who transformed into a mail truck. As I was doing research on mail trucks, I found this at http://www.eyrie-productions.com/Forum/dcboard.cgi?az=show_thread&om=15 3&forum=DCForumID25&viewmode=all:

[Start]

POSTAL

Function: Warrior

"Neither rain nor snow nor heat nor gloom of night stays my fists from the swift completion of their appointed rounds!"

If Brown sometimes takes small detours in search of action, Postal's entire life could be described as a detour in search of action. He lives to deliver only one thing - damage - to only one "customer": the Decepticon forces. Forget never backing down from a fight; Postal proudly boasts that he's never failed to start one where it could be started. His lust for combat is exceeded only by his recklessness in combat. Once he gets started, Postal is the archetypal loose cannon on deck. He has to be watched constantly to be of any use in a team situation, but on the plus side, he is very, very good at his job.

Postal's vehicle mode is a U.S. Postal Service Grumman LLV.

STR 6 INT 5 SPD 5 END 8 RNK 4 COR 10 FRP 7 SKL 9

[End]

I changed my mind and made the berserkers mercenaries in Decepticon service; it was fun to write about berserk Transformers.