Galaxy Express 999 Fan Fiction / Kagaku Ninja-Tai Gatchaman Fan Fiction / D. N. Angel Fan Fiction ❯ D.N. Angel ❯ D.N. Angel ( Chapter 1 )

[ A - All Readers ]

Key Symbols: `thoughts' "said words" <words said by Krad and also used for Dark or Daisuke when on the inside>

* or ** used for scene change or POV change.

Bloodmoon: Oi! This is my first posted fanfic, so I hope everyone likes it, or is at least honest enough to tell me if they don't. Eheh… Anyway, please enjoy this helping of angst. *bows*

Frozen Forever

Cool hands turned the knob quietly and pushed in the door to the apartment. Of course the hinges gave no sound to announce his entrance; nothing here was ever left in a state of disarray for long. Understandably, this was both calming and maddening to the same degree. Everything was always the same…

Indeed, nothing every changed anymore; it was the same routine in eternal repetition. Just like tonight.

His thoughts trailed back to only an hour ago, he didn't even try to stop them. It never helped anyway; it seemed sometimes that all he could do was think. Too much.

Again he had come so close to his goal, to accomplishing his reason for existence.

Oh, if only he could remember how to laugh. Why? Because that was a lie. It was a joke; his mission. He wasn't any closer now to catching Dark, and he never would be, even if he were locked in the room with the kaitou.

He was ultimately only alive to catch that infamous thief, Dark Mousy, but he couldn't even do that right. Just how would his ancestors mock him if they knew he had let his enemy go? And not only tonight, once, but each and every time.

He always let him go, because finally catching Dark created another consequence he did not want to face; it would mean catching his other self. As it also meant he would be inadvertently hurting Him, the closest thing he had to a friend, even if Satoshi no longer saw him as a mere friend. Daisuke was…

A sudden surge of nausea hits him, sensation flooding his tired body and alerting him so that quickly, cautiously, he changes his thoughts back to the robbery. Anything other than Him. It was too dangerous to think long on that subject.

As his thoughts have carried him, so have his feet and he finds himself in his bedroom, slippers on his feet. It wasn't as if he had needed to think about such things, his life was terribly methodical: sleep when you can manage, ready yourself for school, eat if you must, catch Dark…let Him go and then return home to get ready for another round of the same.

He allowed a rare sigh to escape his lips, pulling his clothes off and slipping into his light blue pajamas. `So plain,' he critiqued himself, `Daisuke surely has more playful…' he cuts his thoughts off that path sharply when he again feels that uneasy rustle through him.

Moving to sit on the side of his bed, he laid his glasses aside and let his ice-blue eyes notice the time. Somehow, it was well past midnight; although the robbery had taken place hours ago. And yet he'd just made it home.

This was always unnerving because the loss of time could mean he had "changed", especially when he had just dealt with…Dark. But as for tonight, that other creature had nothing really to do with it. And yet, had everything to do with it.

He remembered giving his calm report to the other officer below his station and then walking out the door. The wind had been especially chilly, but then that was perfect when you wanted to cool off. After pinning Dark to the floor only to be suddenly centimeters away from Daisuke, his brilliant sapphire eyes staring helplessly up at him…

A shiver traveled his spine, goose bumps covering his already chilled flesh as he was unable to force the image away; Daisuke had such warmth…so unlike himself. He shivered again, bringing his arms around his body.

`No…not now…please not again…' he thought urgently, hoping to force his will and stop what was inevitable.

Pleading was not something he did, so why must he now? How did He create that change in Satoshi? Why did He always insist on coming to him?

Again, he almost shivered as long, pale fingers crawled their way around his crossed arms. The familiar hands came to rest on either side of his hips, the arms encasing him. A voice-but whether it was aloud or from within his head, even both, he had always been unsure-slides past his ear as icy breath, a tone of hurt in His voice.

He didn't want to answer, so he kept himself looking down at the floor, his bangs hanging over his face. `Always the same…' his mind chants softly, though he still hoped for a change with what little hope he could still possibly believe in.

<Come now, Master, don't ignore Me.> He tightened his embrace enough to bring discomfort, letting Satoshi realize that his arms were trapped. He smiled as the boy's body stiffened slightly in response, letting His hand rest on Satoshi's stomach. He could feel the boy was nervous, that He disturbed him. He was indeed cute, this icy boy. It appeared even he had a shy side.

"Krad, I don't…" he starts quietly, his voice not betraying his nerves.

<Shhh, now Satoshi-sama,> his voice caressed, raising his lips to Satoshi's ear and blowing softly into it, <you promised.>

Yes, he had in fact promised Krad…so he really had no choice…right?

It was so unlike him to panic that he almost didn't recognize the feeling when it started to grasp him. He suppressed it by changing his thoughts again.

He must not think about what was happening or was to come; he must not pay attention to the way Krad's hands had started straying across his abdomen, his sides. Or how he was currently lying on his back.

What he needed was a place to hide; a place he could go until it was over. What a convenient, childish idea…

Krad smiled down at Satoshi, his One, and leaned in close to his face, letting his golden hair fall to envelop their faces.

His vision trapped, Satoshi made the mistake of looking into those glacial blue eyes, so much like his own, so void of emotion. This time, however, they were anything but empty; they revealed his need. They appeared almost warm…

As Krad's lips descended upon his, Satoshi closed his eyes and let his mind steal away. He had to remember what he was doing this for, who he suffered for. `Daisuke…I have to do this for him.'

He suppressed a grimace as Krad licked down his neck, those chilly, clawed hands moving up under his shirt. Satoshi squeezed his eyes shut. `Daisuke…'

It is hard to concentrate when someone is ravaging your body. Yes, technically he was letting Krad do this, but really it was still rape in his view. He hated to feel those talons on him, and he hated reacting to that touch. His body had always listened to him before, and he didn't want Krad at all.

Instead, he wished it were Daisuke who was here now; Daisuke's touch. But his imaginative skills weren't quite good enough to picture Daisuke doing most of the things Krad did.

Satoshi winced as the man over him bit roughly at one of his nipples; the feel of pierced flesh almost eliciting a whimper from him. He didn't even try to ease the pain with a usual lick…was he angry? He found he did not care. Still, it was even less pleasant when he was angry…

Krad had been absorbing Satoshi's every thought, his anger building unchecked. It happened this way more than he could allow; instead of getting what he wanted, he was met with disappointment. `He doesn't seem to understand the position he's in,' he thought coldly, managing a distinctly victorious smirk as he thought amusingly of the physical position Satoshi was in. But his bemusement quickly faded, again.

`Every time he cries out for Daisuke. Daisuke this and Daisuke that. What good does that do him, he isn't even good enough to be near him!' He had tried so hard not to become angry at his Satoshi-sama, but his patience was ragged.

Satoshi would have to open his eyes to the reality, to him. However long it would take, the boy beneath him would belong solely to him. He had assumed Satoshi would see that, but again his expectations were not met. It was…disappointing.

His nails slipped, scratching flesh and drawing red wine to the surface. His tongue trailed the wounds, feeling Satoshi's muscles drawn taut beneath the skin. Krad knew his anger would not last much longer, as the last strands of his patience, his control, were withering away. Biting him again helped, but Satoshi should have thought His name!

Satoshi stared at the wall, attempting to keep his mind off Krad as he bit him again, and thinking of Him-Daisuke-again. `What would he think if he saw me like this?" He pictured those large red eyes widening even further and then turning away in horrified disgust. The beautiful boy's innocent instincts wanting to forget the shameful scene…and even him…

A clammy hand suddenly clamped around his throat, surprising Satoshi enough that he flinched. A deep voice reverberated against his ear as hot breath, <I'm losing my patience with this, Satoshi-sama, I am becoming angry.> Krad's lips parted further for his tongue, reaching into the cusp of his ear and further to taste. This gained him an unavoidable tremble from his One, and he watched through one eye as Satoshi attempted to swallow his gasp. Still, his eyes were closed.

Satoshi didn't say anything in response, in fact, he chose not to acknowledge he'd even heard. Krad wasn't going to kill him anyway, he knew. So, he kept his eyes shut, still turned away. Even when his ear was finally released he refused to move. Although, he wasn't sure what he had done to make Krad angry…maybe his lack of response? Or even…his thoughts on Daisuke?

This would not do. Krad took Satoshi by the chin and jerked his face toward his. <Open your eyes, Satoshi-sama,> he ordered coolly, <look at Me.> When the boy did not, Krad squeezed his neck further, enough to bruise.

A tiny sound, but nothing more from the boy under him. He showed his canines, eyes growing dark in his anger. `If that won't work…' <What is it about that boy that makes him so special to you?> he asked icily. <He doesn't deserve you. He does nothing but cause you pain, my Satoshi-sama; and for that, for you, he will die.>

Satoshi wasn't sure if this was a bluff or not, but neither was he willing to chance that Krad meant it. His throat moved as he tried to speak and Krad loosened his hand a little with a grin. Perfect.

"You won't…"

<Now why is that, Satoshi-sama? I just said I would,> his face was just above Satoshi's, breathing hotly on his skin as he countered.

"You said you would not kill him if I…" his voice refused him for a moment, "If I became yours…"

The smile still had not faded, only grew, <Yes, I did promise that, but you don't see, Satoshi-sama. I could have killed him countless times because you have not kept up your end of our deal.>

Finally, Satoshi's eyes opened, his expression shocked. "But I…" he started, a slight desperation apparent in his eyes as he sought to explain, to keep Krad from going back on his word. He had done as Krad said!

Krad cut him off rather severely by squeezing harder, his control on his anger finally snapping, "<But you,> he drawled cruelly, <are not mine, not Entirely!> His mouth moved up in a vicious frown, <You only think of Him, when all your thoughts should be on Me!>

He pressed his weight down on the boy, rubbing his hips against Satoshi's painfully. Satoshi winced with a small pained sound. <He is not here with you now and he won't ever be; he doesn't truly understand you as I do. He does not love you, not like I do.> His voice had calmed again, to give his words deeper meaning, though his eyes showed just how shallow his calm really was.

He leaned down and captured Satoshi's mouth in a surprisingly soft kiss. When Satoshi still failed to respond, Krad's eyes flashed open and his nails dug into Satoshi's neck.

He hissed dangerously in his face, <Do you really wish your precious Daisuke to die so badly?> He could feel and hear Satoshi's thoughts instantly rebuking this suggestion with an insistent `No, never,' even as he shook his head silently. This only seemed to infuriate Krad further.

Why should the Wing Master be so special to him? Even then he could see that Satoshi was still secretly reluctant, still being foolish. Krad's hands constricted a little more as he kept his eyes on his Master's. His lips parted slowly from the shortage of oxygen and Krad smiled.

<I could kill him anytime, even tonight if I so wished,> he cooed, watching Satoshi's eyes widen in silent terror.

Again, he tried to speak as his throat pushed at the hands around it. The fingers loosened and pulled from their puncture wounds, revealing numerous fiery crescent marks. "Please," Satoshi managed in a slightly strained voice, turning his eyes to look fully at his other half, "Krad."

Krad's smile spread viciously across his already curved lips, <Yes, that's right, my Satoshi-sama. Say my name again,> he all but ordered.

A small hesitation from the boy below him and then, "…Krad."

Krad's eyes were lighted dangerously as his name rolled from his Master's mouth. He leaned down over him again and kissed his One, tongue delving easily between still lips. He growled slightly when Satoshi hesitated to respond.

Then, very slowly, he complied.

Satoshi felt sick, no, he felt disgusted. With himself, with his life, but mostly with Krad. He had always been a problem from the moment he surfaced and even before. And it had only gotten worse. Like now. How could he possibly endure these nights without thinking of his Daisuke? And when had he dubbed him his?

Furthermore, how could he possibly do as Krad wanted…he could not…

Then the threats on Daisuke had come, having exactly the impact on him that Krad had surely wanted. His mind called upon the image of a blood-covered Krad plunging his hand through Daisuke's heart and laughing as he gave the organ to Satoshi, dedicating his death all to his One and Only Everything, his Satoshi-sama… He knew then that he had to do it.

He made a small plea and joined in Krad's game, repeating his name. When Krad finally descended upon his mouth again only to growl in displeasure, Satoshi was somehow able to move.

It made his head spin and his nerves were soon pushed well past the breaking point as Krad's actions grew urgent. He didn't enjoy it…yet he was still doing just as Krad had said…

Krad seemed to grow increasingly feverish as his ministrations continued, his eyes shiny with need. He could already taste the sweet agony of having his Satoshi-sama submit to him completely. It made him ache maddeningly at the thought and he found it so easy to lose his control.

In fact, as the night progressed he found it deliciously, sweetly satisfying to let himself go as he took his Master. So wonderful to dominate and force his One to finally understand who owned who.

He couldn't seem to get enough of his slender writhing body, and every tear that traced his face only made him the more beautiful; made him the more breakable. All the while his fragile pet only thought of him, the name of his lover mixing with his cries. Krad's name and no one else's.

Time meant nothing to him, for tonight Satoshi was finally his.

* * * * *

In another bedroom, in a house far removed from Satoshi's apartment, another young boy slept peacefully. His fiery hair shone in lovely shades in the little moonlight filtering into the room.

Another part of him was still awake and watching the sleeping form sadly: Dark.

How strange it was that he would feel so strongly for his other half, Daisuke. Of all his hosts he'd had, Daisuke was by far the strangest. He even hated their `work'! However, he was also one that he respected and loved dearly.

It was late, after 3 a.m., but Dai-chan had only fallen asleep an hour before. They had been deep in discussion earlier.

The poor boy was so confused. It wasn't obvious to anyone but himself and only then due to a guess and Daisuke's confirmation of it. Daisuke was in love with two people.

**Flashback to earlier**

They had been nearly home when Daisuke had inquired, "Do you think he's all right?"

<Who?>

"Satoshi; he had the strangest expression when he let me go. He looked…sad." His face was dark in the dim light, but Dark knew he was worried.

<Hah, that creepy bastard, sad? I don't think he's capable of that emotion,> he chided, chuckling lightly in hopes of easing Dai-chan's mood. He hadn't even noticed Satoshi's expression as they'd left, he was too busy trying to get away before he turned into that psycho Krad and tried to kill Daisuke again. Though Krad really was his problem.

"I think he can, it's just most people don't notice. I'm sure he gets lonely, too."

<Haa? If you say so. But I think he'll be just fine, like usual,> he finished confidently.

Then, the strangest thing had happened; Daisuke was now Dark. He blinked. "Daisuke?" He hadn't expected that at all, Daisuke wasn't thinking of Risa-chan, but of…

Daisuke was quiet for a few moments, <I just hope he really is ok.>

"I'm…sure he's fine, Dai-chan," Dark said trying to smile.

When they reached home and Daisuke had changed for bed, Dark finally was too curious not to ask. <Daisuke, how do you feel about Satoshi?>

The redhead was suddenly nervous, but there was also the hint, "He's a really good friend…"

A pause, "…yes." He expected a snicker or to be made fun of, as was Dark's custom. Instead, he had become strangely serious. He wondered which was worse.

<Do you love him?> he asked somewhat bluntly.

He hadn't expected that question, but he didn't want to lie, so again he answered, "…Yes, but Risa, too," he said slowly; he had been in a strange mood.

<Dai-chan… I need you to listen to me. It's dangerous to be around him… he is Krad, after all.>

"I know, but I… " he started before Dark interrupted.

<No; just listen. You cannot love him; it'd be like suicide. His transformation has No cure and that psycho Krad would never allow you near him for very long.> Dark knew Krad very well, and he was also aware that he was very possessive of his hosts. Daisuke needn't know just how possessive.

Daisuke nodded silently, a few unexpected tears trailing his cheeks. He'd known that already, but it still was not easy to accept. It was still painful.

<I'm sorry, Dai-chan,> he said soothingly when he saw the tears; how he hated seeing him cry. <You can love Risa…she's be better for you, safer, and she does love you as well.> He wasn't even sure of what Satoshi's interests in Daisuke were just yet, though he doubted they contained love. He sighed quietly.

Daisuke nodded slightly before slipping into soft sobs, face half hidden by his pillow. He couldn't fall asleep for a long time after, trying to sort things out in his head. He knew he couldn't ever have that type of relationship with Satoshi…Hiwatari-kun, but there was no way he would leave him alone. He could at least be there for him as a friend. That comforted him enough that he slipped off into a dreamless sleep. He'd cheer Hiwatari-kun up tomorrow, somehow.

Finally, with Daisuke asleep, Dark was left alone to his thoughts. <Oh, Daisuke, I wish this could be different for you; that things were easier.>

**End Flashback**

Dark sighed sadly from the depths of Daisuke's consciousness, before settling down to try to sleep.

* * * *

One's life is so very fragile; it can be over at any moment, in a flash of an instant. And in one final shuddering cry, his insides burning, Satoshi had felt that his was truly done with.

He found he could think well enough-or was it just out of habit?-to strip the soiled bed sheets and put them on to wash. `Mustn't leave a mess… ' he thought absently. Though he also thought of it as `destroying evidence'.

He'd been able to somehow walk to the kitchen and back, making his was into the bathroom.

Presently, he sat in the tub, his arms holding tightly to his drawn up legs as the cold water spilled over him from the showerhead above. He watched dazed as the blood was washed clean of him and the white was erased down the drain.

His blank blue eyes stared forward through the haze of his wet hair, his form shaking slightly. He clutched his legs tighter to himself.

Small pains were made obvious as sores rubbed against one another. A memory of Krad in a frenzy of passion, roughly biting at his inner thighs came unbidden to his mind. He heard himself gasp Krad's name at the pain.

He couldn't push them away, the images, the sounds.

None of it, he hadn't wanted any of it. Yes, he had allowed it and even helped; just as Krad had wanted. His entire being seemed on fire, burning him alive from the shame he felt.

Satoshi wasn't sure he could do this; before had been different because he could hide away part of himself and keep his thoughts elsewhere. But now Krad was asking him to stay and even participate. The only reason he was not completely gone was the one thought that had kept him alive, had kept him together before.

It was like a breath of oxygen when you were suffocating.

He became aware of small pains in his neck… he would surely have marks and bruises. He'd have to hide them somehow tomorrow at school…

His lips trembled at this thought as he choked painfully on a sob, his front suddenly shattering as he let out a pitiful mewling sound, an unbearable agony settling upon him. He began to slowly rock himself back and forth beneath the freezing water, barely feeling it as it still drenched his numbed skin.

All his mind could settle on was an image of Daisuke smiling at him. He choked out his name, "Daisuke," the water muffling the syllables to sound more like the word `Daisuki'- to really like or love.

His mind informed him that this was coincidentally funny. Strangely enough, he began to giggle, however tonelessly, as he looked down at the now clean water flowing down the drain.

"Daisuke," he mused, "Daisuki." He giggled again before they turned into small cries, the water hiding his burning tears from his ice-cold eyes. Melted ice.

He wouldn't be able to face anyone tomorrow, especially Daisuke. He couldn't take the chance of him seeing something was wrong, or worse, somehow finding out what. He surely wouldn't be able to look him in the eyes ever again; and that would be unbearable.

He never wanted to hurt Daisuke ever again. And he didn't want Krad to touch him, or himself, ever, ever again.

His eyes fell upon the object he'd laid on the tub's side, the light glittering on its razor edge. With a cold, calm purpose he lifted his left arm and took the handle of the kitchen knife firmly. He raised it to vision level before switching hands. The left wrist had the largest vein and was linked directly to the heart, after all.

He silently wished for a chance to say goodbye to Daisuke, knowing fully that it is in vain. "Daisuke," he said fondly, his voice light and overcast by the water flowing over his lips. He felt numb all over his body and surprisingly peaceful as he moved the edge toward his wrist to slash the main artery there.

He felt a jerk in his arm and panicked, sensing Krad attempting to interfere; this was his body too, after all. His eyes grew wild as he pushed him back mentally long enough to cut.

A sharp pain ran up his left arm, creating a strange warmth inside him as the large vein began letting thick crimson blood flow freely, trekking down his body. Determinedly, he drug the tip up his arm and to his elbow, creating a large red T. The cold water stung the wounds as even more blood pulsed out, but he ignored it. He laid the now clean, wet blade back on the side of the tub and turned his eyes back to the cut and his red arm.

After a short time of staring at his upturned arm, he noticed his vision was unfocused, his head light. Slowly he moved onto his left side, pulling his legs up, but letting his wrist rest beside the tub's drain.

Mesmerized, he watched as his hot blood mixed with the freezing water and disappeared little by little down the drain. A metaphor for his life, he mused absently.

Somewhere, he could have sworn he heard Krad shouting at him, saying something about a promise; also that he owned Satoshi's life and should be the only one to kill him. Funny. A smile twitched on his lips. Still, he was unsure, as it could have been a fabrication of his own mind caused by his dying senses. Besides, it had sounded so very far away…

His eyelids drooped as he found it increasingly hard to concentrate his vision, but not to think, oh no, he could always think. Too much.

Finally, he gave in and closed his eyes, letting the quiet, remote sound of the drumming rain soothe him… `No… not the rain… The shower… ' He could no longer feel his body, as cold as it was; so very cold. `Finally, let me be frozen…again…'

He tried to concentrate, but it was so hard and he was just too tired. Sleep was all he wanted. To sleep in a dreamless void forever.

`No, I want to dream of Daisuke… forever.'

`My only friend… forgive me.' His chest stilled and his lips relaxed.

`I wish… I could see you… just one last time… '

* Absolute Silence is simply

the bittersweet sound of joy made

by one who never has to think again *

*** *** *** ***