Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Perception of Strength ❯ Hold Nothing ( Chapter 4 )

Chapter Four: Hold Nothing

Special note: I wrote this about a month before Pirates of the Caribbean 2 came out. If I had written it after, it probably would have come out differently. Ah well.

Sanzo knew he loved Goku.

He also knew that Goku knew that without him ever having to say it.

*

After a week, they had all settled into a routine of sorts. Routines, of course, meant boredom.

Bathing was an issue they’d all had to adjust to, as well as a certain amount of smell. They could scrub their bodies with seawater and soup, but it wasn’t proper bathing. While they all had their fair share of grumbling, the only people this really bothered were Hakkai and Sakura.

(Likewise, urination and excrement was an issue, but for the sake of the characters the author would like to omit it from this passage. In short, it involved a bucket that smelled incredibly rank and horrid.)

But those things could be almost tolerable, because the sailors were all used to it, and none of them wanted to appear inferior to the tan-skinned, burly men.

No, the worst thing of all was the never-ending boredom. They woke in the morning, watched Naruto and Sasuke trading blows until they grew bored and went to join Sakura. Goku and Naruto would then put their equally mischievous minds together and come up with some prank or other, for which Sanzo shot at them for. Or one would decide to recant a previous adventure to the other, which involved a lot of exaggerated pretend fighting and excited shouts. Normal conversation had been fully exhausted and none of them tried. Gojyo would gamble with the sailors sometimes, but after the first few rounds they’d refused to let Hakkai in too, because of his unnatural winning streak.

Gojyo thought that was rather babyish, but Hakkai had been amused.

Sanzo imagined various ways to kill them all, but even that got boring after a while.

So they were all actually relieved when a pirate ship could be seen in the distance.

“Oh dear,” Hakkai murmured, glancing at their stone-faced captain. “I don’t suppose you can outrun them?”

The captain shook his head grimly. “’fraid not. Their using the same wind we’re using. They’ll be on our asses in no time.” He glanced at his passengers. “Don’t worry; we handle these bastards all the time.”

Goku, Gojyo, and Hakkai exchanged amused looks. “Don’t you worry; we’re not damsels in distress,” Gojyo told him cockily.

“Wait,” Sasuke spoke abruptly. “I have an idea.” Without another word, he pulled Naruto aside and began to speak with him privately. As they watched, a wide grin slowly spread across Naruto’s face.

“Why do I have this sudden feeling of dread?” Hakkai asked softly. Gojyo and Sanzo both snorted.

“Okay,” Sasuke said as he and Naruto turned to face everyone again, “here’s the plan—”

“Hey, why should we listen to some punk kids?” one of the sailors whined.

Sakura looked like she wanted to punch the guy out for insulting Sasuke, but her crush spoke up first. “Because these idiots are paying us to see them safely to their destination and that’s what we’re going to do.”

“Idiots?!” Gojyo objected, which just caused Sasuke to smirk at him.

The captain shot a dark look at the sailor who’d spoken. “Well, kid, if you have an idea, I’m willing to listen.” It didn’t mean he actually had to go along with it of course.

But after Sasuke laid it out, the captain surprised everyone by agreeing to it.

*

The view the pirates got when they saw the ship was an unusual one. For all they could tell, it appeared to be abandoned but undamaged, while not long before it had been teeming with life. It should have taken longer to catch up to them, but the ship hadn’t tried to run at all—it was dead in the water.

“The cowards!” some of them cried jovially. “They’re hiding, they are!” others assumed.

The pirate captain shook his head. “Don’t be idiots. Lookit that.”

Out of nowhere, a figure appeared on the ship.

A naked figure.

A naked voluptuous blonde woman-type figure.

They went nuts. Their catcalls were loud and boisterous. A good percentage of the pirates (unsurprisingly) got nosebleeds, because that was what men did when they saw Naruto using his sexy no jutsu.

Naruto winked and waved at them, crossing his legs in a hopefully tantalizing fashion. “Hiya!” he called in as cute a voice as possible. “Have you guys come to find my clothes?”

Hovering above the water, Sasuke winced at the cheesy line as he snuck over to the pirate’s ship.

Personally, he thought this particular jutsu of Naruto’s was stupid, but he knew well the effects it had on most men from the times the blond had used it in class. In that way, no matter how stupid it was, it proved effective. He didn’t think it was at all strange that it didn’t affect him similarly. He assumed it was because he was more intelligent than everyone else.

He knew it wasn’t really Naruto. It was fake, so he wasn’t attracted to it.

The real Naruto was an altogether different matter though.

Shaking his head to clear these thoughts, Sasuke hoisted himself up onto the pirate ship, sneaking up behind them while their attention was on Naruto.

Sasuke smirked at the fools and gave no warning. “Fire Element, Grand Fireball no Jutsu!”

A draft of wind caused Naruto to shiver and his nipples to harden (and at any other time he would have thought that worthy of investigation, except that right now a bunch of perverts were leering at him). Just when he was about to give into the urge to yell at Sasuke to hurry the fuck up, he saw a large ball of fire engulf the ship and a large number of the pirates. Some fell into the water to douse the flames (the ones that hadn’t been fried to a crisp, anyway).

Naruto grinned and let the jutsu fall away, thankfully giving him clothes again (and certain reproductive limbs imperative to any male—feeling his penis change never stopped being weird). “Alright, perverted assholes, I’m Naruto Uzamaki and I’m about to kick your asses! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!”

The Sanzo-ikkou, Sakura, and the crew quickly joined the fray after Naruto and his clones, which left the pirates at quite a disadvantage to say the least. Since their ship was going up in flames, they abandoned it and attempted to overtake the merchant vessel. This proved unsuccessful. What few survivors there were fled into the ocean, preferring the unforgiving sea and the remnants of their burning ship rather than face capture and lawful execution.

The captain smirked at his passengers. “I knew you bunch wouldn’t be boring!” He looked at Sasuke. “Helluva idea, kid.”

“Hey! I’m the one that had to get naked!” Naruto cried, annoyed that Sasuke was getting all the glory (again).

Sasuke turned to him, intending to annoy him more with a biting jibe about his intelligence being equaled only by his perverseness, when he suddenly wondered what Naruto would really look like naked. The thought was unbidden and Sasuke found himself unable to form a coherent sentence. “Moron,” was what he settled on.

It had the desired effect anyway, but the thought wouldn’t leave him.

*

The surprise attack had left them with no dead, thankfully, but there were a few scrapes and bruises which Hakkai felt obligated to heal with his chi manipulation. Sakura found this highly interesting to watch, as it reminded her of the few times she had seen medi-nin work. She’d always thought about one day learning about healing jutsu.

Hakkai didn’t mind being watched, though. The girl was pleasant and, though she seemed a little too obsessed with Sasuke, was very interesting when she wasn’t fawning over the boy.

Sakura pouted as she noticed Naruto and Sasuke breaking into another fight. Naruto shouted, Sasuke smirked and responded with a scathing remark too low for her to hear, and Naruto would swing at him. It was always the same.

Hakkai glanced up from the sailor, whose arm now boasted a long cut, seeing what the pink-haired kunoichi was looking at. He laughed softly. “They seem to be enjoying themselves still.” He supposed it was better than the boredom. Goku was talking excitedly to Sanzo about what had just happened and Gojyo blithely teased the eager boy, which broke into their usual argument. The sailors either watched all the fuss or got back to work. All was right with the world.

Sakura frowned at Hakkai. “What do you mean?”

Hakkai smiled at her gently, unable to help feeling a little pity toward the girl for not seeing what the rest of them thought was completely obvious. “They wouldn’t fight so much if they didn’t enjoy it.”

“Oh…” Sakura looked at her teammates again and, sure enough, they were both smiling. She sighed, feeling more than a little left out. “I suppose you’re right.” She glanced back at Hakkai’s progress as the next sailor approached him. “How do you do that?” she asked, wanting to get her mind off of idiot boys and their idiot fights.

“Ah, are you interested in healing?” Hakkai asked, pleasantly surprised by the girl’s interest. It had been a long time since he’d had the chance to teach children, Goku notwithstanding. After his cursory lessons, Goku hadn’t needed much tutelage. For some odd reason, he’d already picked up basic reading skills. How he’d done that trapped in a mountain was anyone’s guess.

Sakura nodded and listened avidly as the green-eyed man began to explain the process.

*

“Damn, we didn’t get to do anything,” Gojyo sighed as he mussed Goku’s hair, careful not to displace the boy’s diadem and avoiding the blow as Goku swung at him.

Goku blinked wide, golden eyes up at the older half-demon. “Eh? We fought!”

“S’not the same.” Gojyo jutted his chin at Naruto and Sasuke. “The kids did most of the work. We just had damage control.”

Sanzo cursed softly, looking bored and only slightly annoyed. It counted as one of his good moods. “What’s your problem?”

“I think I miss fighting demons. Man, it’s been more than a week! You think I’m getting withdrawals?”

The blond monk snorted. “That’s stupid.”

“Oh, as if you don’t enjoy taking out your aggression while shooting and actually hitting a target,” Gojyo drawled with a lazy smirk. “On, you know, something that actually has good motor skills. Come on, admit it, we’ve fought guys way tougher than that.”

“So what?” Sanzo said with a light shrug.

“I… don’t know.” Gojyo puffed on his cigarette with a frown. “I could’ve sworn I had a point in there somewhere…”

“Moron,” Sanzo intoned.

“Oi! At least I’m not going bald, stupid monk!”

“You want to die, asshole?”

Goku decided it best to create a diversion. “Hey, Naruto! Did you think those guys were weak?”

Naruto paused mid-punch. “Huh? You mean the pirates?” He frowned, then yelped when Sasuke kicked at his shins. “Hey hey, time out, Sasuke! Damn cheater, didn’t you see I wasn’t looking?!”

Sasuke smirked. “Of course I did. That’s the whole point.”

Naruto glared and fell into a familiar grumbling over cheating geniuses.

Sanzo, of course, was aware of Gojyo thinking he and Sasuke were similar. Not that he cared or anything. The fact that he was seeing eerie mirror images of his younger self (when he’d been called Kouryuu, when he’d still had something to protect) in the boy wasn’t important. At all. It was also really stupid when he kept wondering if Sasuke went through with his revenge if he would be even more like him.

“You two looked pretty cool out there though,” Gojyo remarked, leering at Naruto. “That’s a hell of a technique you’ve got. Have you ever thought about using it with—?”

Sanzo smacked him upside the head. “Don’t go there.”

Gojyo mock pouted. “You always have to ruin my fun.”

“Humph.” Sanzo went back to studying Sasuke.

If Koumyou had lived… If I hadn’t gone in search of the stolen scripture… If Shuei hadn’t used the forbidden charm…

Sasuke noticed Sanzo looking at him and glared. The priest normally appeared to be in a state of boredom interrupted in segments only when Goku and Gojyo irritated him. “What?”

Sanzo was completely unaffected by Sasuke’s intimidating stare. They were of the same mold of course. “You and Naruto make a good team,” he remarked instead of explaining himself.

The dark look on the boy’s face intensified. “No, we don’t.”

Sanzo lifted an eyebrow, not believing the denial in the slightest. “If you really believe that, then you have more problems than I thought.”

“What?” Sasuke spat, nearly seething now.

By this time, everyone’s eyes were on Sanzo and the dark-haired ninja. Hakkai and Sakura had even come over. Sanzo, however, didn’t care.

He didn’t know what it was exactly, and maybe it was just because there were undeniable similarities between them, but Sasuke was really beginning to piss Sanzo off; mainly with his entire revenge shtick. He was afraid to make attachments because that meant that he had to care about something, and that would make him weak. The kid was nothing more than a stupid, wannabe warrior—too pathetic to look at the different paths available to him. It really pissed him off.

That was the only reason he said what he said next.

“There’s a phrase in Zen Buddhism—Hold Nothing. If you meet the Buddha, kill him. If you meet the ancestors, kill them. Free of everything, bound by nothing, you live your life simply as it is. That’s the one teaching my master left me.

“It means to live without attachments… But, I no longer think it’s right to throw away everything in order to live. Rather, I have my own interpretation of it. Instead of being bound by the words ‘Hold Nothing’ I chose to live my life in my way, without doubts. This is my path. I chose this; it was not chosen for me be the events of my past.

“When I lost that person I wanted to protect, I realized my worthlessness. Then, I wanted things I wouldn’t have to protect.” Sanzo pointedly did not look at Goku, Gojyo, and Hakkai, but he knew these words startled them. It was the first time he had ever said this out loud, though on some level they’d all been aware of it. They belonged to Sanzo. “I also now know that attachments do not make me weak.

“Open your mind,” he went on. “Search for your own way—not that which was chosen for you.” Then, the grand finale:

“Stop being so stupid.”

That said, Sanzo lit another cigarette, a signal that he was finished speaking. No one said anything for a long time, the silence filled with the rush of waves against the ship, and the captain directing orders to his men.

“I don’t get it,” Naruto announced, his nose wrinkled in confusion. It broke the stillness.

Gojyo laughed. “Man, Sanzo-sama doesn’t preach often. He’s used up his daily allotment of words!”

Hakkai grinned at him impishly. “Perhaps we should have sold tickets?”

“Now there’s an idea.”

Sanzo snorted. There they go, feeding off each other again.

He glanced back at Sasuke. The boy was shaking with barely repressed rage. It was natural though. Sanzo had basically said his entire life’s purpose was idiotic. He wouldn’t have expected anything else, nor did he care that the boy hated him. It made no difference to him.

Sasuke didn’t respond at all. Instead, he turned on his heel and walked away, fists still shaking.

Naruto was a step behind him, feeling concerned over his rival’s silence. Sasuke wasn’t a talkative person, sure, but it was obvious he was mad yet it was totally unlike him to hold it in like this. “Sasuke!”

Hakkai stopped him, placing both hands on the blond’s shoulders. “Don’t, Naruto-kun,” he spoke kindly. “You need to leave him alone for a while. You too, Sakura-chan,” he added to the pink-haired girl, who looked like she wanted to follow Naruto’s example.

Sakura gazed at Sasuke’s back worriedly. “But…”

“Leave him,” Sanzo advised firmly. “It’s his problem. He doesn’t need distractions. He needs to deal with it instead of hiding from it.”

Naruto glared at Sanzo, suddenly feeling outraged on Sasuke’s behalf. “What do you know?! If he wants to get revenge and kill that guy, then what’s it to you? Isn’t that his choice?!”

Sanzo exhaled smoke slowly. “No, it isn’t. He lives this way because he thinks he has no other choice.” He didn’t need the details of Sasuke’s life to know that. It was just obvious to him. “He didn’t like the fact that I pointed out there are other paths for him to take. As I said, it’s something he needs to deal with on his own.”

Naruto blinked, confused again. So Sanzo was trying to help Sasuke? He didn’t really understand what Sanzo was saying, but… It no longer felt like Sanzo was just being an asshole about it.

Goku glanced at Hakkai, who interpreted the silent plea in those expressive gold eyes. Hakkai smiled and gently pulled on Gojyo’s arm. “Come, let’s go see what the cook has made for lunch…”

“Huh? Why?” But Gojyo followed him anyway.

With them gone, Naruto and Sakura moved away, feeling unnerved about standing so close to the one who had caused such a strange mood in their teammate.

Goku moved closer to his ‘sun.’ “You okay, Sanzo?” he asked quietly, abnormally in tune with Sanzo’s frame of mind.

Sanzo blinked slowly, minimally surprised by Goku’s awareness. The monkey sometimes surprised him like that. “Yeah.” As a reward for the concern though, he placed his hand on top of Goku’s head.

Goku readied himself to be hit by The Fan, but the blow never came. Eventually, he beamed, and he continued to feel elated long after the hand was removed.

*

That night, Sasuke was unable to sleep. He tossed and turned until eventually he gave up. He climbed out of his hammock, moved silently around the slumbering Sakura, and approached Naruto, who was snoring and drooling in the dim candlelight. Someone had left it burning. It cast dull shadows around the room, hardly illuminating the space at all.

Sasuke shook Naruto’s shoulder. “Oi, wake up.” The blond didn’t respond. “Naruto,” he urged.

Naruto frowned sleepily, the side of his mouth twitched and he pulled his shoulder out from under Sasuke’s hold.

Sasuke shook him some more. “Naruto!” he hissed.

This got a reaction out of him. One blue eye peeled open and found him after a moment. “Sas’ke?” he asked, voice slurred.

“Come on,” Sasuke said, motioning his head toward the stairs that led to the deck.

Naruto caught his meaning and yawned. “Mmph, I don’ wanna tonigh,’” he responded. “’M tired…” He turned on his side, curled up, and prepared to go back to sleep.

Sasuke felt himself shaking again, enraged and not knowing why. Naruto didn’t want to kiss him? He’d rather sleep?! What kind of stupid excuse was that?

He… needed the distraction the blond’s mouth provided. He needed to clear his mind, to get rid of Sanzo’s words spoken without doubt.

Some inner sense told him Sasuke was still there and Naruto opened that one eye again. “Can’ sleep?”

At a loss, Sasuke nodded.

Naruto moved over as much as the hammock allowed and held up the end of his blanket. “Come on.”

Sasuke blinked at the invitation. Suddenly, what he wanted was supplied to him, only in a new form. They had fallen asleep together already, but not with Sakura and their clients sleeping nearby. What if they woke up and saw them? Sakura would be confused probably, and Gojyo would most certainly tease them…

Did it matter?

“Whatever.” He wanted to sleep, damn it. Throwing caution to the winds, Sasuke gingerly climbed in beside Naruto, ending up on his back with one leg dangling over the side. Naruto threw an arm over Sasuke, pressing his nose against Sasuke’s warm neck.

Sasuke let him, and slept.

*

Sanzo, though he had trouble expressing it, had come to terms with his feelings for the monkey. He knew that one day should he ever find out the mysteries of Goku’s past, why he was imprisoned and why the gods were so interested in him, it wouldn’t change how he felt—because that would be just stupid. Of course it wouldn’t change anything. Goku was Goku.

His greatest fear, naturally, was Seiten Maitei getting loose for good, and never seeing Goku again. That’s why, the last time, he’d lost it so completely. But he’d gone back. He hadn’t meant for Hakkai to remove his limiters too, and to get so badly messed up in attempting to control Seiten. Things had gotten out of hand. Gojyo had barely forgiven him for running off, for Hakkai being injured. He hadn’t forgiven himself. (1)

What was probably worst of all, Sanzo knew that he would all do anything to keep Goku smiling.

Not that he would ever admit any of this.

TBC.

1. Confused? It’s referring to the newest Reload chapters. (Don’t read further if you don’t want to be spoiled!) Goku was shot mysteriously (I assume it was Nii, because it reminded me of Kami-sama…) and Sanzo totally freaked out. He ran off and Hakkai decided the only way to save Goku was to take off his limiter to let Seiten Taisei’s recuperative powers take over. Once he was loose though, Hakkai had taken off his own limiters to fight him. It was really super cool.