Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Gunlock Fan Fiction ❯ Enough is Enough ❯ Close to You ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: Sanzo, Goku, Hakkai, Gojyo and all affiliates are rightfully owned by Kazuya Minekura. (^_^)

Warning: A lot of curse words and a kiss as usual… (^_^)

 

Close to You

 

“I don't want to talk to you, you bastard!” I shouted as I tried to wriggle from the grasp he held on my wrist. But his hand was like steel and all I could do was to try and at least struggle from him before he deposited me in a pile of limbs on the floor.

 

I had woken up to the slight shake around my shoulders, distinctly similar to those of Hakkai's. True enough when I opened my eyes, my fellow brunette was smiling down at me, his monocle glistening to the light of a street lamp. Behind him was Gojyo, peering over and probably taking a look if I was still alright. I tried to look for Sanzo but before I knew it, Sanzo was dragging me inside the inn we had previously stayed the other night. There were a few nervous laughter from Hakkai and Gojyo but I knew better that they weren't going to intervene. Hakkai had always pointed out that matters between two people should be settled by these two people alone.

 

“Play nice you two,” Gojyo called up to us as Sanzo dragged me up the stairs. “Don't tire each other out!”

 

“What the fuck were you thinking leaving the group like that?” Sanzo yelled as soon as he had closed the door. His eyes were staring daggers at me and as I picked myself up, he frowned even more. He knew that I was up for an argument and that meant it was going to be one loud argument.

 

“You threw that harisen at me on purpose! You aimed for my head, damn you! If you had the gun in your hand, I wouldn't be surprised if you tried to shoot me on purpose!”

 

“Don't be such a cry baby, Goku, this isn't the first time we've had a fight,” he said exasperated from my lack of substantial reasoning.

 

“Don't give me that shit, Sanzo because you know as much as I do you never treated me like a baby. You treated me like a monkey more than a human being! You taught me to fetch before you taught me to read! When ever we had fights you just keep on telling me what an imbecile I was, or how stupid I could get, or how you're wasting your time on me. It's always been Goku's fault, always been the bakazaru's doing! You never showed any weakness, right o great Sanzo-sama?” I practically screamed, my words dripping heavy with sarcasm.

 

“Stop it, Goku,” Sanzo warned and advanced threateningly. I was sick and tired of him pushing me around. I took a step towards him and gritted my teeth.

 

“You stop it Sanzo, you stop and listen to me,” I shouted angrily, my hands balled into fists. “I am not going to be pushed around anymore and if you can't handle the fact that in this relationship there is an US, a you and a me and those things work hand in hand. If you continue being a prick and think that everything should be about you then fine, go ahead and do that! But I am not going to stick around in this god-forsaken relationship only to have my ass kicked and screwed by someone who doesn't care about me.”

 

“HA! Don't you give me that shit,” he shot back and pointed at me. “You're the one who never took notice of our relationship. You want me to go with your every whim, to baby you like a child! Now tell me isn't that being selfish too? Isn't that being immature?”

 

“That's because I've always been immature to you Sanzo! When did you start seeing me like an equal, like a lover, like a friend? Can you tell me when you ever started to look at me like that?” I screamed, tears streaking down my face. “Can you tell me when you stopped calling me boy? Can you look at me straight in the eye when you tell me that you stopped thinking that I was the monkey you freed from that god-damned cage?”

 

“Goku—”

 

“You can't answer me because we both know the answer to that right? You never stopped thinking of me as a boy even when we started sleeping with each other, even when things started to become serious between us. I've always hoped that we'd get to Gojyo and Hakkai's level of understanding, how they look after each other, how they treat each other with love and respect. But since I'm only a BAKAZARU I'll never get that from you right? Maybe because the monks at Chang-An were right, why would the great Sanzo-sama bring a worthless piece of trash like me into the venerable walls of a monastery? Maybe the Great Genjyo Sanzo needed someone to fetch him cigarettes, to get his newspaper, to prepare his slippers! Who was I to think that you could ever love me, Sanzo? Why did I have to believe that someone like you could love some shit like me?” I screamed hoarsely even as I madly try to dry and stop the tears from flowing. But the pain was just too intense and just like before, I couldn't stop myself from crying. I didn't care if he thought I was weak or anything, I just wanted to get all of this out of my chest.

 

“Finished?” Sanzo asked with a raised eyebrow but before I could answer, his hand whipped and the next thing I knew I was held in a warm embrace. His arms encircling me in a tight shield, my body pressed hard against his. Long slender fingers traced the sides of my face and slowly wiped away the tears from my eyes. I looked up to see Sanzo staring intently at me. I could feel warm purple pools swallow me into oblivion but I felt the pain in those amethyst eyes.

 

“How many times do I have to tell you that I never released you from that prison because I needed a servant?” He said slowly, eyes filled with unspoken pain. “How many times do I have to explain that I'm not good with emotions? How many times do I have to show you how much you mean to me? Tell me Goku, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not a normal human being that can easily give in to emotions?”

 

And as Sanzo continued to hold me in that warm embrace that seemed to melt my anger away, I thought about those questions. It was true Sanzo was different and maybe I was just setting the bar too high for Sanzo to jump but it didn't mean that he didn't want to do it. He just needed sometime to gauge the extent of his abilities. We both had mistakes and I was glad that at least now, we knew how to talk.

 

I pulled back and held his face in my hands and there I saw the same fear I have always seen, the fear of losing someone. It was the same fear that has been haunting Sanzo all these years. And I knew exactly how to wipe that fear from him and I remembered that was why I've always stayed with him. I loved him too much to let the fear and pain eat him away.

 

“We should learn how to talk Sanzo,” I said sniffling. “It stops things like these from happening. Well, at least that's out there right?”

 

“Don't ever do that again, Goku,” he whispered and looked at me seriously. “Don't ever leave me like that again. You scared the shit out of me, you know.”

 

“I promise,” I said and happily brought my lips to his. The kiss was soft and chaste. The way Sanzo always kisses me as a prelude to a night of intimacy, a sign that his walls were down and that I was not kissing the same hard and ill-tempered monk most of us usually sees.

 

“Is that a promise we intend to keep?” He asked, his mouth drawing up at the corners to form a small smile. I laughed and brought my face down on him, the tips of our noses touching and our lips brushing against each other. There wasn't a need for an answer because we knew what it was. And as Sanzo slowly leads me to the bed, where we'll snuggle and make love, I could feel something different in the way he holds me. It's like he doesn't want to let go, a grip that holds a lot of promise and hope. Kinda reminds me of the way I hold him

 

~*~The End~*~

[1] Hope you enjoyed reading this as much I did writing it. It was a bit auto-biographical for me because the day I started writing this, I had a fight with my significant other and yeah, I did walk under the pouring rain. But he didn't hit me with the harisen, just a misunderstanding about time management. Glad that's all finished right now. Good thing he isn't as haughty as Sanzo is and at least I'm not as loud as Goku or we'll still be fighting right now. HAHA! Thanks for the time. c“,)