Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction ❯ Sweat, Not Tears ❯ It Would Be Heaven ( Chapter 11 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Navi99 
The story concludes. Will Sanzo say goodbye? Will Gojyo let him?
Anime/Manga: Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 10.02.2006 | Updated On: 10.02.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 848 | Status: Completed
The story concludes. Will Sanzo say goodbye? Will Gojyo let him?
Anime/Manga: Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 10.02.2006 | Updated On: 10.02.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 848 | Status: Completed
I do not own Saiyuki
Now, let me start by saying SORRY!!!!!!!
I’m really truly, terribly sorry. I promise that I didn’t do it on purpose. I sent my computer in to be fixed cuz one of the screen lights went out - it was only supposed to take a week, but apparently they forgot to send it out and didn’t bother to tell me until two weeks later! Then after that they shipped it out only to tell me that they didn’t have the part for it in stock. I was pissed, especially because I already had the chapter written in the computer. But anyway - that’s all over now and I can finish the story. Again I’m really sorry - I didn’t do it to build up a dramatic conclusion, I promise ^_^ I’m no good at those things.
Funny, but until now I hadn’t realized this story is supposed to be AU, yet Sanzo is still a monk. ^_^’’ Go figure. The AU isn’t too obvious in this story I don’t think - the one MAJOR difference would probably be that Sanzo’s master is still with him.
Oh, one more thing - I’m sorry about the quality of this chapter, it’s pretty rough, but I just wanted to get something out there at this point because it’s been so long.
Well anyway, I’ve rambled enough - enjoy!
Chapter 11: It Would Be Heaven
He hadn’t wanted to think about why he’d been deflecting Sanzo’s advances. It was clear the blonde had wanted him and wanted something to happen between them but every time the monk had gotten too amorous for Gojyo’s (admittedly) flimsy self-control, the redhead had put an end to their activities.
Funny how even though I was rejecting the monk’s advances it never even crossed my mind that maybe it was because I wouldn’t be able a perform with a guy. Some part of me already knew that wouldn’t be an issue.
There would just have been no more hope of hiding the truth even from himself. So he’d fought that final act - the act of making Sanzo his. Must have been a last ditch effort at self-preservation, he thought ruefully. It came too late - can’t say I’m really sorry though. I never wanted to admit it, but I always yearned for someone I could love and who’d love me - someone precious to me, who I would do anything for.
The redhead flicked his cigarette into the ashtray, carelessly sweeping off the ash that fell on the table. It was what he’d been searching for all his life - more even, than he’d fathomed to fantasize - handed to him on a silver platter - and he managed to fuck it up.
He sighed, resisting the urge to slam his head on the bar repeatedly. He wished it was as simple a matter as him having handed Sanzo over to another person - man or woman - but he knew with gut-clenching certainty that the monk would cloister himself away from the world once again and refuse sex. Refuse love. Refuse life. Once burned and all that jazz.
Because Gojyo knew - had known probably from the start - that Sanzo was no flitting butterfly - dancing from one love to the next as easily as the winds change current.
Sanzo was in love with him. He knew that. Fuck, he’d known that, and still he’d walked out that door - run - because love - in its truest form was absolutely terrifying. The power Sanzo now held over him - the fact that he would be willing to let Sanzo go, to let him be embraced by someone else’s arms if it would make him happy, stole Gojyo’s breath. Because anyone could fight for their feelings - but letting go of your love if you were the cause of their pain took superhuman strength. He’d realized then - just before joining their bodies that he would sacrifice his own joy, even if it utterly destroyed him, to make Sanzo happy.
That wasn’t quite what he’d been expecting when he’d been eleven and had wished on a falling star that he would find love.
Talk about needing to be careful about what you wish for, he thought sardonically. I really ought to get in the habit of reading the fine print more often.
So . . . Sanzo was in love with him . . . and he was in love with Sanzo. The problem?
“Do you really think that I would have gone to all this trouble if I didn’t want sex?”
Gojyo winced remembering his choice of words. Not exactly the stuff of epic romances. Therein lie The Problem. Sanzo probably thought he’d done everything up to this point only in the interest of fucking him. Nothing could be further from the truth. The redhead could - and did, before Sanzo showed up - get sex at regular intervals without any messy complications. Sanzo had been a messy complication from the very beginning. He would never go through so much trouble for sex; after all sex was basically the same no matter who was panting underneath you - blonde, brunette, redhead, even the green-haired chick hadn’t spiced things up. To enjoy sex all he really needed was a hot, willing, female body - it didn’t take much to please him. But . . . the faces had begun to run together. He’d screw them and not remember their names in the morning - it was meaningless.
And he’d never even realized until Sanzo. Funny how in retrospect he could see that he’d been doomed from the very start.
He’d been consumed with Sanzo - the spark of his anger, the warmth of his genuine amusement, the small brush of pervading sadness behind vibrant eyes, the quick cut of a sharp wit, and the surprising tenderness in occasional touches, words, or deeds. But most of all - the pure, bright, untarnished light that emanated from the blonde. He’d wanted to see only the bad in Sanzo - only his faults to avoid diving any more deeply into the quagmire of his emotions but there was nothing to avoid now and he could acknowledge . . . acknowledge that-
I lov-
“Hey, barkeep! Hand over the tab would you?”
* * * * * *
It was already fairly late by the time Gojyo made it back.
Damn. Well, it’s alright, it’d probably be better to wait for tomorrow to talk with Sanzo. He’ll be pissed and I’m not ready to deal with him just yet.
Sighing the redhead unlocked the door and went in the hallway ready to head for his bedroom but the sight in the living room brought him up short.
“Sanzo, I truly don’t think you’re being reasonable about this, why don’t you wait for tomorrow - things may clear up by then and if not then I’ll take you myself.” Hakkai pleaded, trying to be calm and rational when it was obvious Sanzo wasn’t listening.
“You should listen to him, Sanzo. It’s too late to go to the airport - even if you did find a flight then there’d be nobody to tak-”
Goku jerked around at the sound of the sharply indrawn breath, exhaling with relief when he spotted the redhead. Sanzo and Hakkai both turned to find Gojyo starring at them stunned.
What the fuck? Gojyo thought, head swimming with possibilities. What the hell was happening? He had a feeling he wasn’t gonna like the answer. He stepped further into the room and noticed finally the large suitcase next to the wall - Sanzo’s suitcase, he knew with a sudden sinking feeling. He swallowed hard and turned to meet amethyst eyes which were quickly averted.
“Goku, why don’t we head off to bed now? I’m sure Gojyo and Sanzo have things they’d like to discuss.”
The chimp nodded and bounded after Hakkai only to turn and look back at Sanzo who’d taken up guard post by the window, turning his back on the room in general. “Just listen to him, ’kay Sanzo?” he called back, then ran after Hakkai without waiting for an answer.
Gojyo swallowed hard. It had never even occurred to him that he might return to find Sanzo gone. Shit, he thought closing his eyes only to find that behind them he saw himself returning to house with no Sanzo. He opened them quickly to find the blonde looking at him, his face indecipherable.
“Sanzo-” he took a step forward, wanting to engulf the monk in his arms, “I wanted to-”
“Can you drive me to the airport?” the monk asked, voice perfectly collected, eyes bright and dead.
“Wha-?” Gojyo knew his jaw was hanging open but there was nothing he could do, “What?”
Sanzo sighed as though talking to a very simple child, “I need a ride to the airport. I’m going back to the temple.”
And that was all it took for something in Gojyo’s chest to shatter and to fill his veins with ice, leaving him numb and frozen. “N-no,” he chocked out.
One pale, blonde eyebrow rose mockingly, “No?” those lips asked softly.
Gojyo swallowed, forcing himself to move and walked to where Sanzo stood, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. He needed to be clearheaded or he’d simply turn into a nervous wreck and there’d be no convincing Sanzo to stay then.
He willed his eyes open and to take in all the little details that he’d missed before. Like the small lines of strain around Sanzo’s eyes, the pallor of his skin, the stoop to his shoulders, the betrayal of an unsteady hand and, most important - the pain he could read clearly in those crystalline eyes.
“You’re not leaving Sanzo,” he said hoarsely.
The blonde huffed angrily, though it lacked any edge, “ there is no way for you to stop me.”
“Look, just- hear me out . . . please,” Gojyo murmured, trying hard to keep his arms at his side and not simply grab Sanzo and forcibly restrain him.
The blonde shook out a cigarette and lit it slowly - the motion smooth and practiced. “I don’t have all day,” he growled after a moment of silence.
Gojyo nodded, “Sanzo, you’re pissed and you should be, but you’ve got things all wrong. I know it’s my fault, okay?’ he assured the blonde quickly before he was interrupted, “ but you can’t leave. Come on, Sanzo, you left that temple for a reason. It wasn’t doin’ a hell of a lot for you. It must ‘o bored you out of your mind. I was a dick, I know, I shouldn’t have walked out. I didn’t mean to, alright? I just . . . I got a little freaked out. You can understand that, right? I mean, I know this is new for you too.”
He moved closer - hand held out before him beseechingly only to have the blonde jerk away from him. Gojyo’s arm dropped. “Come on, Sanzo, I made a mistake, but I’m here now. I know you don’t want to go back to the temple. You don’t want that life, why would you have left otherwise?”
Sanzo lowered his head, “I just- I wanted to see more of the world. It was so boring at the temple, even with my master there. I wanted to feel something,” Rosy lips twisted bitterly, and Gojyo’s breath caught as he glimpsed the sparkle of moisture on the blonde’s eyelashes, “Well . . . I got what I asked for.”
Gojyo darted forward, not giving the priest time to pull back and enfolded Sanzo in his arms - he knew he was holding the monk far too tightly, but he couldn’t stop - he couldn’t help wanting to breathe in Sanzo so that they’d never have to be separated. He sighed in relief when hands clench in his shirt with equal tightness and he felt that blonde head nestle closer.
“Sanzo,” the redhead took a deep breath, praying that what he had to say would be enough - that the blonde would understand and not walk away. Because if he did Gojyo would have no choice but to stand there and watch him go . . . and feel with every step that he was being torn in two. He couldn’t swear he wouldn’t weaken and try to stop the monk - he didn’t think he was that strong - but the thought of Sanzo’s happiness strengthened his resolve. “I’m sorry for walking out.” He murmured, swallowing hard, “I just- I realized something and it scared the shit out me,” he said bluntly.
He could feel Sanzo tense in his arms and his hands automatically set to work massaging the small of the blonde’s back to get him to relax.
“Sanzo . . . I hurt you - I know that, you didn’t deserve that and I promise it wasn‘t something I did on purpose. I just didn’t know how to handle it-” Gojyo broke off, realizing he’d started to babble and pulled the monk closer, inhaling that sweet scent for possibly the last time. He didn’t want to finish - didn’t want the time to come for Sanzo to decide and maybe walk away from Gojyo forever. If this was all he got he wanted to savor every second - to remember the exact feel of his blonde in his arms, the glide of silky hair across his neck, the sweet warmth of Sanzo’s quiet and even breathing - and of the heart beating wildly next to his. “My Sanzo.” murmured quietly, too low for the blonde to hear.
He closed his eyes, fearing they would overflow if he kept them open any longer and decided to speak before the growing knot in his throat got any bigger and chocked off speech.
“I know you’re scared, because there’s no guarantee of forever after, because it’s me and I’m and idiot and I’ll screw up again for sure, but . . . stay with me Sanzo. Stay until you get sick of my laziness and kick my ass and tell me to shape up, until I can distinguish when your head starts turning snowy white with age, until we‘re all wrinkly and pruney and old and until we can’t remember what it was like to live without one another.”
He felt the head resting against his chest jerk up and he bit his lip, tying to control his breathing, refusing to look, resisting the urge to clutch the monk to him and never let go . . . this was it, this was all he had. There was nothing else he could offer the blonde-
And he was being kissed - short sweet kisses being pressed against his eyelids and across his cheeks and on his lips - anywhere the blonde could reach and Gojyo reached out to put distance between them - needing to be sure although his heart was already bursting with joy, “Sanzo-”
“Don’t talk!” the blonde growled, latching onto his lips and thrusting his tongue inside to taste Gojyo and the redhead momentarily forget everything but the taste and touch and scent of the blonde in his arms and he moaned pulling that stubborn monk into his arms once again.
Sanzo pulled back enough o catch his breath, smiling through tear-stained eyes and it all came rushing back to Gojyo “Sanzo,” he chocked out, “I don’t want to make you sad.” he said, raising unsteady fingers to brush away the tears still clinging to sun-kissed eyelashes.
The blonde rolled his eyes and smiled, “Idiot. I’m not sad.”
Gojyo swallowed, hardly daring to believe- “Then you’re . . .”
Sanzo huffed in exasperation, “Happy, yes.”
He felt his chest swell with too much emotion and he was sure something was about to burst out of his chest cavity and how could a human being contain so much happiness for something that was surely so imperfect? Because he knew there would be bickering and lots of it, and fights, and yelling - but that was just how he and Sanzo fit together and he’d never been happier than this moment knowing that he’d be spending the rest of his life with a cranky, balding, self-absorbed monk. It would be heaven.
Gojyo grinned down at the blonde, finding an answering smirk there and leaned forward to seal their lips together-
Only to be drawn short when loud clapping and wolf-whistles rang out. He jerked his head to glare at the chimp and Hakkai who stuck their heads around the corner of the hallway - laughing at his irritated expression and Sanzo’s scowl - though the latter looked to be wavering.
“You’re interrupting,” Sanzo growled - but his tone lacked the usual bite.
Hakkai’s eyes crinkled as he smiled widely and stepped into the room, “Sorry, but we only wished to express our congratulations, right Goku?”
The monkey bounded forward, grinning and stopped before Sanzo, taking one of the monk’s hands in his own, “I don’t know why, he’s really annoying,” the monkey muttered glaring at Gojyo, though there was no heat behind the gaze and he smiled after a short time “but, you want this, right Sanzo?” he asked, turning back toward his teacher.
The blonde nodded firmly and squeezed Goku’s hand before releasing him, “Definitely. As if I would do anything unless I wanted to.”
Goku smiled at his mentor, then turned to Gojyo. “I’m only letting Sanzo go with you because he likes you,” the monkey announced in perfect seriousness, ignoring the outraged squawk beside them, “but-”
“Yeah, I know - hurt him and I’m dead, right? You’ll have my liver for breakfast , yadda, yadda, yadda. I get it.” Gojyo muttered reaching over and ruffling the kid‘s hair.
Goku looked confused before he burst out laughing, “Stupid water sprite, that’s not what I was going to say!”
“Shut up, monkey! You just wont admit it, cuz you don’t like that I’ve got you all figured out!”
Sanzo sighed next to them, “You’re both idiots.”
“I was going to tell you not to let Sanzo kick you around so much, but maybe you need a good kick!”
“Yeah, you just try-! Wait - what?” Gojyo stared at the kid - stupefied for moment, “weren’t you gonna tell me not to hurt Sanzo and all that?”
Goku snorted derisively glaring at the redhead, “stupid, if I thought you’d hurt Sanzo I wouldn’t let you have him, but obviously you’re totally in love with him so I kinda feel sorry for you-”
*THWACK*
Goyjo winced, then smirked.
“What was that monkey?” Sanzo asked in a deceptively soft voice.
“Owwwww! You didn’t have to hit me so hard! That really hurt Sanzo.” the monkey sniffed but the affect was kind of ruined when he grinned sheepishly, “I was just gonna say how lucky Gojyo is to have you.”
“Ch.”
Hakkai laughed, having stayed at the peripheral of things to avoid getting involved. “Well, I can see we wont lack for excitement around here. But, Gojyo I do believe you’re forgetting something.”
The redhead frowned, trying to think of what that might be but coming up blank.
“Uh . . .” He glanced at Hakkai who was practically humming with mischievousness. Gojyo rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Just tell me,” he muttered after a moment of silence.
Green eyes lit up with laughter and his friend smiled widely. “So . . . when does Komyou get to meet his son-in-law? He’ll want to know what kind of man lured Sanzo away from his vocation.”
Gojyo paled, and sweat broke out on his forehead, “Oh hell. He’s gonna be pissed isn’t he? Damn, what do I do? I can’t just forget him - he’s Sanzo’s fucking world, along with the chimp - and me now too, of course,” he added proudly.
Sanzo was about to open his mouth and calm the panicking redhead but Gojyo shook his head, “Don’t worry, Sanzo, I’ll think of some way to break the news so that your master doesn’t take things too hard,” he declared and swept out of the room, an air of determination surrounding him. “Come on Sanzo,” he called back, “you gotta help me with this.”
A golden eyebrow rose as the blonde turned to stare at Hakkai, “You know perfectly well that there’s nothing Gojyo will need to prove. I’m sure my master will welcome him. They share a lot of the same vices if nothing else,” the monk muttered, huffing in exasperation.
Hakkai grinned, “Yes, I know Komiyu will like Gojyo, but it’s still nice to see him sweat over a prospective father-in-law. We are talking about the man who never spent more than two nights with the same woman.”
Sanzo’s lips twitched, “Don’t forget to mention that my master loves a fine glass of wine,” he replied trailing after the other man.
* * * * * *
* * * * * *
“Strange isn’t it? How this life seems to have thrown us together.” Sanzo murmured, shifting and moving closer to the redhead, running gentle fingers through crimson locks. They were in Sanzo’s bedroom, though the blonde thought he should probably start considering it their bedroom - he had a feeling he wouldn’t be sleeping alone anymore. “Almost feels as though the person making sure things ran smoothly up there was looking away - and this happened.”
Gojyo smiled, reaching his arms out to grasp Sanzo and pull him into a secure embrace, tucking the monk into his body and dropping a kiss on that blonde head.
“Nah, I don’t think any of us meeting - you, me, Goku, or Hakkai - was coincidental. And I definitely don’t buy that crap about you and me getting together because of some freak accident. What you and I have, that isn’t something that happened by mistake. I should know - I‘ve made enough of those to be able to recognize ‘em by now.”
Sanzo raised his head lifting a skeptical eyebrow. “We could barely stand each other when we first met.”
Gojyo leaned forward brushing his lips fleetingly against the monk’s.
“Maybe, but that doesn’t make a difference, besides I don‘t really believe that - it was more like we were fighting the inevitable. I wouldn’t just let you walk out of my life no matter what circumstances we met under. You’re much too pretty,” he teased. The redhead smiled at the scowl the blonde sent his way, “I’ve never had a very strong will when comes to beautiful things, you know.”
Sanzo looked set to argue - probably to object to being called beautiful - but Gojyo silenced him with another longer, hotter kiss.
“No matter where we are or who we become,” he murmured with sudden gravity, “no matter how many different times we are reborn I’ll find my way to you, I’ll follow you, and I will always protect you, Sanzo.”
Fingers met and two hands joined - pale silk to bronzed rawhide, crimson burned into cool violet sealing the vow, and scarlet flames of hair met golden locks the shade of sunlight itself.
“Ch. At least until some hussy comes along and you go chasing after her.”
“Hey! I wont go chasing after women!”
Sanzo lifted a disbelieving brow.
“Man, isn’t there a single romantic bone in your body? You completely killed the mood back there,” Gojyo groaned. The redhead sighed in defeat and tucked his arms behind his head, starring morosely at the ceiling.
Sanzo snorted, “Stop pouting, damn it! I hate it when you do that.” The blonde ducked in close to the other man, laying his head over Gojyo’s heart and placing an apologetic kiss there.
The monk felt that chin shift against his hair as the kappa shook his head, “Nope, not till you tell me you trust me, and that you believe I wont run off on you.”
Sanzo rolled his eyes and lifted his head, glaring at the redhead, “I never said you were going to run off on me - we were talking about other lives remember? I know you wouldn’t run off on me in this one because I’d just shoot you and drag you back,” he murmured, placing a fleeting kiss on the kappa’s lips.
Gojyo blinked in shock, “Really? You’d come and get me if strayed?” at Sanzo’s nod Gojyo grinned and gathered the blonde into a fierce embrace, “I knew you loved me, beautiful.”
“You’re crazy, kappa.”
“For you, yes, my love,” Gojyo murmured huskily, slipping a hand into gold silk and dragging sweet, supple lips down to meet his own. He groaned when he felt Sanzo reach between their bodies and grasp his cock - making it twitch and grow in his hold. Gojyo moaned as the blonde stroked him slowly, feeling wicked fingers caressing his sensitized balls and knowing lips torturing his nipples. “Sanzo,” he growled, pulling that golden head up and meeting fiery violet eyes, “I’ll make you a different promise.”
The monk met Gojyo’s intent look, eyes questioning.
“I am going to protect you, Sanzo, and I will be by your side. Doesn’t matter who or what we are reborn as - I’ll follow you, nothing you say will change that. I know it to the marrow of my bones - just like I know that even if I may chase women, none of them will keep me from your side for long. I‘ll just keep coming back to you, that’s my promise.”
And with that pledge Sha Gojyo - the card shark, the irredeemable playboy, the hopeless flirt - rolled on top of his corrupt monk and kissed him senseless.
Sanzo smirked, looking entirely too pleased with himself and ran gentle fingers through crimson hair. “You’re going to make me cry of happiness - like you did,” he teased.
Gojyo looked slightly affronted. “Hey! I wasn’t crying of happiness. Only chicks do things that girly.”
A fine blonde eyebrow rose mockingly, “Is that right.”
Gojyo rolled over, and opened his arms, feeling humbled and utterly whole when Sanzo moved into them, laying his head over Gojyo’s chest.
He was probably gonna have to get his heart checked at an early age, he thought offhandedly, it tended to trip up when Sanzo was near.
He smiled in contentment before answering the blonde. “That’s right. It was sweat, not tears.”
The End
* * * * *
* * * * *
Argh!! what an utterly corny ending! It’s just what I wanted ^_^ Well there you go - to all of those who wanted Gojyo and his monk to kiss and make up. They did. Yay! ^_^ Now I can take a loooooooooooooong break from worrying about having to update.
Gotta say though, that if I do write another story odds are that it wont be one of Saiyuki. I got a new obsession - and when I say obsession, I mean OBSESSION. Right now that happens to be: Pet Shop of Horrors. ^_^ I absolutely loved it. It was awesome and Count D and Leon are so cool and sweet and great together. sigh. so you might just be subjected to another one of my completely sappy fics some time in the future. Try not to panic ^_^ Oh, and I also got into Naruto which is pretty freaking awesome and I totally love Gaara and Lee and Shikamaru, and Neji and Haku and Zabuza, Shino and Kiba and most important of all . . . KAKASHI and IRUKA. ^_^ I just love those two - particularly together ^_~ it’s not my fault, there was just this really great author who got me completely hooked ^_^
Anyway, thank you so much for putting up with me. Oh and if you’d like, it’d be great if you let me know how you liked the ending ^_^
Bye-bye.
* * * * *
KakashiSanzo5790: This chapter comes with a dedication to you because you’ve stayed with this story and reviewed lots of times. Thank you so much. I’m sorry I couldn’t put this chapter up sooner, but it’s here now so I hope you enjoy! Thanks again for all the love ^_^ it inspired me to finish. Sorry to have been so cruel, it wasn’t my intention, promise T.T ^_^
Ailanthus: I’m glad that you liked the story enough to take the time to review ^_^ and here’s the update. Hope you like it.
moimoi-chan: Thanks so much for the review - sorry it took so long, but have no fear I had no intention of leaving the story unfinished. So now I give you: the conclusion. Hope it was worth the wait.
Befanini: Well, considering the whole "Omae wo korusu!!!" thing I couldn’t very well kill off one them like my brother suggested, right? ^_^’ I told him it wouldn’t go over too well lol. As far the nicknames, I think you’re right they came too soon. I may update the story at some point and tweak it more to fit Sanzo-sama’s personality, because let’s face it, he’s not exactly docile, now is he? ^_^ Oh, and don’t forget the chocolate. Thanks for the c/c
Now, let me start by saying SORRY!!!!!!!
I’m really truly, terribly sorry. I promise that I didn’t do it on purpose. I sent my computer in to be fixed cuz one of the screen lights went out - it was only supposed to take a week, but apparently they forgot to send it out and didn’t bother to tell me until two weeks later! Then after that they shipped it out only to tell me that they didn’t have the part for it in stock. I was pissed, especially because I already had the chapter written in the computer. But anyway - that’s all over now and I can finish the story. Again I’m really sorry - I didn’t do it to build up a dramatic conclusion, I promise ^_^ I’m no good at those things.
Funny, but until now I hadn’t realized this story is supposed to be AU, yet Sanzo is still a monk. ^_^’’ Go figure. The AU isn’t too obvious in this story I don’t think - the one MAJOR difference would probably be that Sanzo’s master is still with him.
Oh, one more thing - I’m sorry about the quality of this chapter, it’s pretty rough, but I just wanted to get something out there at this point because it’s been so long.
Well anyway, I’ve rambled enough - enjoy!
Chapter 11: It Would Be Heaven
He hadn’t wanted to think about why he’d been deflecting Sanzo’s advances. It was clear the blonde had wanted him and wanted something to happen between them but every time the monk had gotten too amorous for Gojyo’s (admittedly) flimsy self-control, the redhead had put an end to their activities.
Funny how even though I was rejecting the monk’s advances it never even crossed my mind that maybe it was because I wouldn’t be able a perform with a guy. Some part of me already knew that wouldn’t be an issue.
There would just have been no more hope of hiding the truth even from himself. So he’d fought that final act - the act of making Sanzo his. Must have been a last ditch effort at self-preservation, he thought ruefully. It came too late - can’t say I’m really sorry though. I never wanted to admit it, but I always yearned for someone I could love and who’d love me - someone precious to me, who I would do anything for.
The redhead flicked his cigarette into the ashtray, carelessly sweeping off the ash that fell on the table. It was what he’d been searching for all his life - more even, than he’d fathomed to fantasize - handed to him on a silver platter - and he managed to fuck it up.
He sighed, resisting the urge to slam his head on the bar repeatedly. He wished it was as simple a matter as him having handed Sanzo over to another person - man or woman - but he knew with gut-clenching certainty that the monk would cloister himself away from the world once again and refuse sex. Refuse love. Refuse life. Once burned and all that jazz.
Because Gojyo knew - had known probably from the start - that Sanzo was no flitting butterfly - dancing from one love to the next as easily as the winds change current.
Sanzo was in love with him. He knew that. Fuck, he’d known that, and still he’d walked out that door - run - because love - in its truest form was absolutely terrifying. The power Sanzo now held over him - the fact that he would be willing to let Sanzo go, to let him be embraced by someone else’s arms if it would make him happy, stole Gojyo’s breath. Because anyone could fight for their feelings - but letting go of your love if you were the cause of their pain took superhuman strength. He’d realized then - just before joining their bodies that he would sacrifice his own joy, even if it utterly destroyed him, to make Sanzo happy.
That wasn’t quite what he’d been expecting when he’d been eleven and had wished on a falling star that he would find love.
Talk about needing to be careful about what you wish for, he thought sardonically. I really ought to get in the habit of reading the fine print more often.
So . . . Sanzo was in love with him . . . and he was in love with Sanzo. The problem?
“Do you really think that I would have gone to all this trouble if I didn’t want sex?”
Gojyo winced remembering his choice of words. Not exactly the stuff of epic romances. Therein lie The Problem. Sanzo probably thought he’d done everything up to this point only in the interest of fucking him. Nothing could be further from the truth. The redhead could - and did, before Sanzo showed up - get sex at regular intervals without any messy complications. Sanzo had been a messy complication from the very beginning. He would never go through so much trouble for sex; after all sex was basically the same no matter who was panting underneath you - blonde, brunette, redhead, even the green-haired chick hadn’t spiced things up. To enjoy sex all he really needed was a hot, willing, female body - it didn’t take much to please him. But . . . the faces had begun to run together. He’d screw them and not remember their names in the morning - it was meaningless.
And he’d never even realized until Sanzo. Funny how in retrospect he could see that he’d been doomed from the very start.
He’d been consumed with Sanzo - the spark of his anger, the warmth of his genuine amusement, the small brush of pervading sadness behind vibrant eyes, the quick cut of a sharp wit, and the surprising tenderness in occasional touches, words, or deeds. But most of all - the pure, bright, untarnished light that emanated from the blonde. He’d wanted to see only the bad in Sanzo - only his faults to avoid diving any more deeply into the quagmire of his emotions but there was nothing to avoid now and he could acknowledge . . . acknowledge that-
I lov-
“Hey, barkeep! Hand over the tab would you?”
* * * * * *
It was already fairly late by the time Gojyo made it back.
Damn. Well, it’s alright, it’d probably be better to wait for tomorrow to talk with Sanzo. He’ll be pissed and I’m not ready to deal with him just yet.
Sighing the redhead unlocked the door and went in the hallway ready to head for his bedroom but the sight in the living room brought him up short.
“Sanzo, I truly don’t think you’re being reasonable about this, why don’t you wait for tomorrow - things may clear up by then and if not then I’ll take you myself.” Hakkai pleaded, trying to be calm and rational when it was obvious Sanzo wasn’t listening.
“You should listen to him, Sanzo. It’s too late to go to the airport - even if you did find a flight then there’d be nobody to tak-”
Goku jerked around at the sound of the sharply indrawn breath, exhaling with relief when he spotted the redhead. Sanzo and Hakkai both turned to find Gojyo starring at them stunned.
What the fuck? Gojyo thought, head swimming with possibilities. What the hell was happening? He had a feeling he wasn’t gonna like the answer. He stepped further into the room and noticed finally the large suitcase next to the wall - Sanzo’s suitcase, he knew with a sudden sinking feeling. He swallowed hard and turned to meet amethyst eyes which were quickly averted.
“Goku, why don’t we head off to bed now? I’m sure Gojyo and Sanzo have things they’d like to discuss.”
The chimp nodded and bounded after Hakkai only to turn and look back at Sanzo who’d taken up guard post by the window, turning his back on the room in general. “Just listen to him, ’kay Sanzo?” he called back, then ran after Hakkai without waiting for an answer.
Gojyo swallowed hard. It had never even occurred to him that he might return to find Sanzo gone. Shit, he thought closing his eyes only to find that behind them he saw himself returning to house with no Sanzo. He opened them quickly to find the blonde looking at him, his face indecipherable.
“Sanzo-” he took a step forward, wanting to engulf the monk in his arms, “I wanted to-”
“Can you drive me to the airport?” the monk asked, voice perfectly collected, eyes bright and dead.
“Wha-?” Gojyo knew his jaw was hanging open but there was nothing he could do, “What?”
Sanzo sighed as though talking to a very simple child, “I need a ride to the airport. I’m going back to the temple.”
And that was all it took for something in Gojyo’s chest to shatter and to fill his veins with ice, leaving him numb and frozen. “N-no,” he chocked out.
One pale, blonde eyebrow rose mockingly, “No?” those lips asked softly.
Gojyo swallowed, forcing himself to move and walked to where Sanzo stood, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. He needed to be clearheaded or he’d simply turn into a nervous wreck and there’d be no convincing Sanzo to stay then.
He willed his eyes open and to take in all the little details that he’d missed before. Like the small lines of strain around Sanzo’s eyes, the pallor of his skin, the stoop to his shoulders, the betrayal of an unsteady hand and, most important - the pain he could read clearly in those crystalline eyes.
“You’re not leaving Sanzo,” he said hoarsely.
The blonde huffed angrily, though it lacked any edge, “ there is no way for you to stop me.”
“Look, just- hear me out . . . please,” Gojyo murmured, trying hard to keep his arms at his side and not simply grab Sanzo and forcibly restrain him.
The blonde shook out a cigarette and lit it slowly - the motion smooth and practiced. “I don’t have all day,” he growled after a moment of silence.
Gojyo nodded, “Sanzo, you’re pissed and you should be, but you’ve got things all wrong. I know it’s my fault, okay?’ he assured the blonde quickly before he was interrupted, “ but you can’t leave. Come on, Sanzo, you left that temple for a reason. It wasn’t doin’ a hell of a lot for you. It must ‘o bored you out of your mind. I was a dick, I know, I shouldn’t have walked out. I didn’t mean to, alright? I just . . . I got a little freaked out. You can understand that, right? I mean, I know this is new for you too.”
He moved closer - hand held out before him beseechingly only to have the blonde jerk away from him. Gojyo’s arm dropped. “Come on, Sanzo, I made a mistake, but I’m here now. I know you don’t want to go back to the temple. You don’t want that life, why would you have left otherwise?”
Sanzo lowered his head, “I just- I wanted to see more of the world. It was so boring at the temple, even with my master there. I wanted to feel something,” Rosy lips twisted bitterly, and Gojyo’s breath caught as he glimpsed the sparkle of moisture on the blonde’s eyelashes, “Well . . . I got what I asked for.”
Gojyo darted forward, not giving the priest time to pull back and enfolded Sanzo in his arms - he knew he was holding the monk far too tightly, but he couldn’t stop - he couldn’t help wanting to breathe in Sanzo so that they’d never have to be separated. He sighed in relief when hands clench in his shirt with equal tightness and he felt that blonde head nestle closer.
“Sanzo,” the redhead took a deep breath, praying that what he had to say would be enough - that the blonde would understand and not walk away. Because if he did Gojyo would have no choice but to stand there and watch him go . . . and feel with every step that he was being torn in two. He couldn’t swear he wouldn’t weaken and try to stop the monk - he didn’t think he was that strong - but the thought of Sanzo’s happiness strengthened his resolve. “I’m sorry for walking out.” He murmured, swallowing hard, “I just- I realized something and it scared the shit out me,” he said bluntly.
He could feel Sanzo tense in his arms and his hands automatically set to work massaging the small of the blonde’s back to get him to relax.
“Sanzo . . . I hurt you - I know that, you didn’t deserve that and I promise it wasn‘t something I did on purpose. I just didn’t know how to handle it-” Gojyo broke off, realizing he’d started to babble and pulled the monk closer, inhaling that sweet scent for possibly the last time. He didn’t want to finish - didn’t want the time to come for Sanzo to decide and maybe walk away from Gojyo forever. If this was all he got he wanted to savor every second - to remember the exact feel of his blonde in his arms, the glide of silky hair across his neck, the sweet warmth of Sanzo’s quiet and even breathing - and of the heart beating wildly next to his. “My Sanzo.” murmured quietly, too low for the blonde to hear.
He closed his eyes, fearing they would overflow if he kept them open any longer and decided to speak before the growing knot in his throat got any bigger and chocked off speech.
“I know you’re scared, because there’s no guarantee of forever after, because it’s me and I’m and idiot and I’ll screw up again for sure, but . . . stay with me Sanzo. Stay until you get sick of my laziness and kick my ass and tell me to shape up, until I can distinguish when your head starts turning snowy white with age, until we‘re all wrinkly and pruney and old and until we can’t remember what it was like to live without one another.”
He felt the head resting against his chest jerk up and he bit his lip, tying to control his breathing, refusing to look, resisting the urge to clutch the monk to him and never let go . . . this was it, this was all he had. There was nothing else he could offer the blonde-
And he was being kissed - short sweet kisses being pressed against his eyelids and across his cheeks and on his lips - anywhere the blonde could reach and Gojyo reached out to put distance between them - needing to be sure although his heart was already bursting with joy, “Sanzo-”
“Don’t talk!” the blonde growled, latching onto his lips and thrusting his tongue inside to taste Gojyo and the redhead momentarily forget everything but the taste and touch and scent of the blonde in his arms and he moaned pulling that stubborn monk into his arms once again.
Sanzo pulled back enough o catch his breath, smiling through tear-stained eyes and it all came rushing back to Gojyo “Sanzo,” he chocked out, “I don’t want to make you sad.” he said, raising unsteady fingers to brush away the tears still clinging to sun-kissed eyelashes.
The blonde rolled his eyes and smiled, “Idiot. I’m not sad.”
Gojyo swallowed, hardly daring to believe- “Then you’re . . .”
Sanzo huffed in exasperation, “Happy, yes.”
He felt his chest swell with too much emotion and he was sure something was about to burst out of his chest cavity and how could a human being contain so much happiness for something that was surely so imperfect? Because he knew there would be bickering and lots of it, and fights, and yelling - but that was just how he and Sanzo fit together and he’d never been happier than this moment knowing that he’d be spending the rest of his life with a cranky, balding, self-absorbed monk. It would be heaven.
Gojyo grinned down at the blonde, finding an answering smirk there and leaned forward to seal their lips together-
Only to be drawn short when loud clapping and wolf-whistles rang out. He jerked his head to glare at the chimp and Hakkai who stuck their heads around the corner of the hallway - laughing at his irritated expression and Sanzo’s scowl - though the latter looked to be wavering.
“You’re interrupting,” Sanzo growled - but his tone lacked the usual bite.
Hakkai’s eyes crinkled as he smiled widely and stepped into the room, “Sorry, but we only wished to express our congratulations, right Goku?”
The monkey bounded forward, grinning and stopped before Sanzo, taking one of the monk’s hands in his own, “I don’t know why, he’s really annoying,” the monkey muttered glaring at Gojyo, though there was no heat behind the gaze and he smiled after a short time “but, you want this, right Sanzo?” he asked, turning back toward his teacher.
The blonde nodded firmly and squeezed Goku’s hand before releasing him, “Definitely. As if I would do anything unless I wanted to.”
Goku smiled at his mentor, then turned to Gojyo. “I’m only letting Sanzo go with you because he likes you,” the monkey announced in perfect seriousness, ignoring the outraged squawk beside them, “but-”
“Yeah, I know - hurt him and I’m dead, right? You’ll have my liver for breakfast , yadda, yadda, yadda. I get it.” Gojyo muttered reaching over and ruffling the kid‘s hair.
Goku looked confused before he burst out laughing, “Stupid water sprite, that’s not what I was going to say!”
“Shut up, monkey! You just wont admit it, cuz you don’t like that I’ve got you all figured out!”
Sanzo sighed next to them, “You’re both idiots.”
“I was going to tell you not to let Sanzo kick you around so much, but maybe you need a good kick!”
“Yeah, you just try-! Wait - what?” Gojyo stared at the kid - stupefied for moment, “weren’t you gonna tell me not to hurt Sanzo and all that?”
Goku snorted derisively glaring at the redhead, “stupid, if I thought you’d hurt Sanzo I wouldn’t let you have him, but obviously you’re totally in love with him so I kinda feel sorry for you-”
*THWACK*
Goyjo winced, then smirked.
“What was that monkey?” Sanzo asked in a deceptively soft voice.
“Owwwww! You didn’t have to hit me so hard! That really hurt Sanzo.” the monkey sniffed but the affect was kind of ruined when he grinned sheepishly, “I was just gonna say how lucky Gojyo is to have you.”
“Ch.”
Hakkai laughed, having stayed at the peripheral of things to avoid getting involved. “Well, I can see we wont lack for excitement around here. But, Gojyo I do believe you’re forgetting something.”
The redhead frowned, trying to think of what that might be but coming up blank.
“Uh . . .” He glanced at Hakkai who was practically humming with mischievousness. Gojyo rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Just tell me,” he muttered after a moment of silence.
Green eyes lit up with laughter and his friend smiled widely. “So . . . when does Komyou get to meet his son-in-law? He’ll want to know what kind of man lured Sanzo away from his vocation.”
Gojyo paled, and sweat broke out on his forehead, “Oh hell. He’s gonna be pissed isn’t he? Damn, what do I do? I can’t just forget him - he’s Sanzo’s fucking world, along with the chimp - and me now too, of course,” he added proudly.
Sanzo was about to open his mouth and calm the panicking redhead but Gojyo shook his head, “Don’t worry, Sanzo, I’ll think of some way to break the news so that your master doesn’t take things too hard,” he declared and swept out of the room, an air of determination surrounding him. “Come on Sanzo,” he called back, “you gotta help me with this.”
A golden eyebrow rose as the blonde turned to stare at Hakkai, “You know perfectly well that there’s nothing Gojyo will need to prove. I’m sure my master will welcome him. They share a lot of the same vices if nothing else,” the monk muttered, huffing in exasperation.
Hakkai grinned, “Yes, I know Komiyu will like Gojyo, but it’s still nice to see him sweat over a prospective father-in-law. We are talking about the man who never spent more than two nights with the same woman.”
Sanzo’s lips twitched, “Don’t forget to mention that my master loves a fine glass of wine,” he replied trailing after the other man.
* * * * * *
* * * * * *
“Strange isn’t it? How this life seems to have thrown us together.” Sanzo murmured, shifting and moving closer to the redhead, running gentle fingers through crimson locks. They were in Sanzo’s bedroom, though the blonde thought he should probably start considering it their bedroom - he had a feeling he wouldn’t be sleeping alone anymore. “Almost feels as though the person making sure things ran smoothly up there was looking away - and this happened.”
Gojyo smiled, reaching his arms out to grasp Sanzo and pull him into a secure embrace, tucking the monk into his body and dropping a kiss on that blonde head.
“Nah, I don’t think any of us meeting - you, me, Goku, or Hakkai - was coincidental. And I definitely don’t buy that crap about you and me getting together because of some freak accident. What you and I have, that isn’t something that happened by mistake. I should know - I‘ve made enough of those to be able to recognize ‘em by now.”
Sanzo raised his head lifting a skeptical eyebrow. “We could barely stand each other when we first met.”
Gojyo leaned forward brushing his lips fleetingly against the monk’s.
“Maybe, but that doesn’t make a difference, besides I don‘t really believe that - it was more like we were fighting the inevitable. I wouldn’t just let you walk out of my life no matter what circumstances we met under. You’re much too pretty,” he teased. The redhead smiled at the scowl the blonde sent his way, “I’ve never had a very strong will when comes to beautiful things, you know.”
Sanzo looked set to argue - probably to object to being called beautiful - but Gojyo silenced him with another longer, hotter kiss.
“No matter where we are or who we become,” he murmured with sudden gravity, “no matter how many different times we are reborn I’ll find my way to you, I’ll follow you, and I will always protect you, Sanzo.”
Fingers met and two hands joined - pale silk to bronzed rawhide, crimson burned into cool violet sealing the vow, and scarlet flames of hair met golden locks the shade of sunlight itself.
“Ch. At least until some hussy comes along and you go chasing after her.”
“Hey! I wont go chasing after women!”
Sanzo lifted a disbelieving brow.
“Man, isn’t there a single romantic bone in your body? You completely killed the mood back there,” Gojyo groaned. The redhead sighed in defeat and tucked his arms behind his head, starring morosely at the ceiling.
Sanzo snorted, “Stop pouting, damn it! I hate it when you do that.” The blonde ducked in close to the other man, laying his head over Gojyo’s heart and placing an apologetic kiss there.
The monk felt that chin shift against his hair as the kappa shook his head, “Nope, not till you tell me you trust me, and that you believe I wont run off on you.”
Sanzo rolled his eyes and lifted his head, glaring at the redhead, “I never said you were going to run off on me - we were talking about other lives remember? I know you wouldn’t run off on me in this one because I’d just shoot you and drag you back,” he murmured, placing a fleeting kiss on the kappa’s lips.
Gojyo blinked in shock, “Really? You’d come and get me if strayed?” at Sanzo’s nod Gojyo grinned and gathered the blonde into a fierce embrace, “I knew you loved me, beautiful.”
“You’re crazy, kappa.”
“For you, yes, my love,” Gojyo murmured huskily, slipping a hand into gold silk and dragging sweet, supple lips down to meet his own. He groaned when he felt Sanzo reach between their bodies and grasp his cock - making it twitch and grow in his hold. Gojyo moaned as the blonde stroked him slowly, feeling wicked fingers caressing his sensitized balls and knowing lips torturing his nipples. “Sanzo,” he growled, pulling that golden head up and meeting fiery violet eyes, “I’ll make you a different promise.”
The monk met Gojyo’s intent look, eyes questioning.
“I am going to protect you, Sanzo, and I will be by your side. Doesn’t matter who or what we are reborn as - I’ll follow you, nothing you say will change that. I know it to the marrow of my bones - just like I know that even if I may chase women, none of them will keep me from your side for long. I‘ll just keep coming back to you, that’s my promise.”
And with that pledge Sha Gojyo - the card shark, the irredeemable playboy, the hopeless flirt - rolled on top of his corrupt monk and kissed him senseless.
Sanzo smirked, looking entirely too pleased with himself and ran gentle fingers through crimson hair. “You’re going to make me cry of happiness - like you did,” he teased.
Gojyo looked slightly affronted. “Hey! I wasn’t crying of happiness. Only chicks do things that girly.”
A fine blonde eyebrow rose mockingly, “Is that right.”
Gojyo rolled over, and opened his arms, feeling humbled and utterly whole when Sanzo moved into them, laying his head over Gojyo’s chest.
He was probably gonna have to get his heart checked at an early age, he thought offhandedly, it tended to trip up when Sanzo was near.
He smiled in contentment before answering the blonde. “That’s right. It was sweat, not tears.”
The End
* * * * *
* * * * *
Argh!! what an utterly corny ending! It’s just what I wanted ^_^ Well there you go - to all of those who wanted Gojyo and his monk to kiss and make up. They did. Yay! ^_^ Now I can take a loooooooooooooong break from worrying about having to update.
Gotta say though, that if I do write another story odds are that it wont be one of Saiyuki. I got a new obsession - and when I say obsession, I mean OBSESSION. Right now that happens to be: Pet Shop of Horrors. ^_^ I absolutely loved it. It was awesome and Count D and Leon are so cool and sweet and great together. sigh. so you might just be subjected to another one of my completely sappy fics some time in the future. Try not to panic ^_^ Oh, and I also got into Naruto which is pretty freaking awesome and I totally love Gaara and Lee and Shikamaru, and Neji and Haku and Zabuza, Shino and Kiba and most important of all . . . KAKASHI and IRUKA. ^_^ I just love those two - particularly together ^_~ it’s not my fault, there was just this really great author who got me completely hooked ^_^
Anyway, thank you so much for putting up with me. Oh and if you’d like, it’d be great if you let me know how you liked the ending ^_^
Bye-bye.
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KakashiSanzo5790: This chapter comes with a dedication to you because you’ve stayed with this story and reviewed lots of times. Thank you so much. I’m sorry I couldn’t put this chapter up sooner, but it’s here now so I hope you enjoy! Thanks again for all the love ^_^ it inspired me to finish. Sorry to have been so cruel, it wasn’t my intention, promise T.T ^_^
Ailanthus: I’m glad that you liked the story enough to take the time to review ^_^ and here’s the update. Hope you like it.
moimoi-chan: Thanks so much for the review - sorry it took so long, but have no fear I had no intention of leaving the story unfinished. So now I give you: the conclusion. Hope it was worth the wait.
Befanini: Well, considering the whole "Omae wo korusu!!!" thing I couldn’t very well kill off one them like my brother suggested, right? ^_^’ I told him it wouldn’t go over too well lol. As far the nicknames, I think you’re right they came too soon. I may update the story at some point and tweak it more to fit Sanzo-sama’s personality, because let’s face it, he’s not exactly docile, now is he? ^_^ Oh, and don’t forget the chocolate. Thanks for the c/c