Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Born to Be My Baby ❯ Miles to Go ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Title: Born to Be My Baby

Date: Began March, 2003

Chapter: 2/?

Main Pairing: Gojyo x Hakkai

Notes: Please review and tell me what you think. I have noticed that not many people review when they read something and I, personaly, find that after a certain amount of time or a certain number of views, find it pretty rude. Please tell me what you think. Just don't kill me.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki. The anime and manga and all characters, names, ect. belong to Kazuya Minekura.

REMEMBER!!!: The first chapter left off in the middle of a flashback. This is the continuation of the flashback.
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Part Second (2/?)

//Flashback continuation//

That morning, Hakkai woke with the sun as it peeked timidly over the horizon, lighting the room from between the horizontal blinds mounted on the window. The small bars of golden light sqeezed their way through the blinds to spill over the floor and wave this way and that when the trees outside of the building passed in front of the light.

The brunette sighed to himself as he folded back the covers and swung his legs to dangle over the edge of the bed. What a strange dream... He thought. Why in the world...? He recalled the dream, a hand to his head and running his fingers through his thick mahogany hair. He remembered Gojyo in the dream. Gojyo was in his dream? Obviously so, seeing as he saw him hanging with the girls at a local bar. The next thing he remembered, it looked like he was right next to the gorgeous half - breed, engaging in a, for the most part, innocent conversation. Gojyo joked around, saying something like, "Hey, I might be fallin' for you, for all I know." And Hakkai laughed his light - hearted laugh and leaned back in his chair next to the red - haired man. Next thing he knew, his dream took a dangerous twist and Gojyo was grabbing him by the shoulders and kissing him! Kissing him! Lips to his own, tongue wars and hands moving down the back of his shirt!

Hakkai shivered and stood from the bed but stumbled from an injury aquired from the battle with Goku. Finding that shifting back and forth from foot to foot until he found his balance was suficiant enough for him, he exitted the room and headed to the restroom to change the bandage on his cheek, which emitted a small streak of dried blood on the side of it. Looking into the mirror, he removed the bandage non - too - gently and deposited it into the wastebasket conveniently located at his side. The wound on his cheek was healing up nicely, but still, it needed another bandage. The skin was still moist with blood. Hakkai opened the small box of the First Aid kit and set another bandage onto his cheek, using the medical tape to hold it in place.

Suddenly, a pained scream rang through the cooridors of the inn and all rooms that had owners so careless as to leave their doors open. The green - eyed man gasped as he discovered who it was. He nearly slammed the First Aid kit shut and ran from the restroom, his feet landing noisily on the waxed wooden floor. Each step he took made him wince as the pain shot through his leg each time he landed it on the ground. The screaming was beginning be drown out by a fit of severe, hoarse coughs that sounded frighteningly non - too - healthy.

He reached Gojyo's door and had to skid to a stop due to his speed. Flinging open the door revealed one of the most horrible scenes he had ever witnessed. There was Gojyo, knelt down next to his bed, one of his arms clutched tightly over his abdomen, the other supported him from falling over the pool of blood and saliva that had gathered below him.

"Gojyo!" Hakkai's face contorted in trepidation and horror as he dashed forward, taking the red - haired man by the shoulders, neverminding the pool of crimson that he knelt in to reach the other man. "Oh, Gojyo! What happened!?"

Gojyo hacked again, his hand flew to his neck as he tried desperately to breathe. "Y--," he began but spat again, blood and spit into the puddle and over Hakkai's knees,"You-youkai!"

"What!?"

"Youkai, Hakkai!" Gojyo lifted his head, letting both arms to fall to the ground to support him. "Why did you come here!?"

"What do you mean?"

The door slammed shut. Both men's heads snapped to look to the entrance of the room. Behind the door was an ebony - haired youkai, tall and thin, seeming nearly anarexic, the huge grin playing on his face would make nearly anyone sick just by looking at him.

"You've got to run, Hakkai!" Gojyo stood and pulled Hakkai up with him.

"But, Gojyo... you're severely injured and you need help! You can't fight if you are coughing up blood!"

"Hakkai!" Gojyo pushed the former teacher to the ground as the youkai that had been hidden behind the door charged forward, extending his huge claw - like fingernails at the brunette. Both of them were sent tumbling to the floor as the youkai stopped dead in his tracks and turned around and in a split second, was lunging for both of them again. "Shit!"

And then the terrible creature's voice rang out like a hoarse human being who had not been able to speak for years, "Die, Cho Gonou!"

The brunette was put to a complete stop. "What?"

"You bastard," Gojyo cried and delivered a good punch to the youkai's right cheek. The ebony - haired creature seized Gojyo by the wrist and flung him into the wall where he collapsed over, clutching his abdomen and hacking like crazy.

Hakkai was frozen. He didn't move. He couldn't. Seeing that terrible thing that still wanted revenge and seeing Gojyo, the man that he secretly adored, coughing up blood and other liquids made him go berserk and he launched ki blast one after another at the offending creature.

But in a flash, it was gone. Hakkai had no idea as to where it could have gone, for further inspection of the room revealed not a trance. But with Gojyo's yell came the youkai, claws beared, obviously ready to strike. "Die, Gonou!"

"NO!" Gojyo got to his knees, then collapsed but managed to gain control over himself once again. His arm was still around his stomach, soaked in blood, but nonetheless he ran to Hakkai's rescue, or the best that he could provide. "Don't do it!" And with that, he threw himself atop Hakkai as the ebony - haired thing did pierce it's claws through the fabric of the shirt.

"Gojyo!" Hakkai felt the shock and coldness seep through his heart like the blood that now stained the red - haired man's shirt. It seemed nothing could get any worse... "You don't understand!" Hakkai turned his furious expression to the now cackling thing in front of him. He set Gojyo down for the moment and decided that he finish the incident now. Launching himself at the youkai, his arms back to the side in an attempted ki attack, he let out a cry, "Cho Gonou is dead!" The youkai froze, its pupils bantam, and its mouth open in a gape.

"What!?"

"You," the ki blast came and Hakkai launched it at the creatures head, "heard me!"

"You bastard!"
"He's dead!" The ki blast hit, separating the youkai into a million pieces disperced about into the air before he finally parished into oblivion. "I hate to kill.... I wish that people would realize that Cho Gonou is dead." He turned to Gojyo. "My name is Cho Hakkai..."

"Ha--," Gojyo mouthed, "Hakkai..."

The brunette knelt down beside the other man and placed his hands over Gojyo's chest, waiting to make sure his best companion was, indeed, still alive.

"Gojyo?"

"Y-yes?"

"A-are you al....alright?" His voice cracked as if he were going to cry.

"Please just do it, babe."

Babe?

He nodded and concentrated all of his ability at the four crooked gashes in the red - haired man's chest - so close to his heart and so close to being lost. If any closer, Hakkai surely would have lost Gojyo for sure. His words came inbetween clenched teeth as he realized that the exhaustion had taken him over and he had spent all of his energy, "Damn it, Gojyo, why did you have to do that?" The wound was not healed. Hakkai had no energy left as he collapsed atop Gojyo, spent. "Why couldn't you have just left me to die?"

For the small bit of the gashes that were healed, Gojyo was all too greatfull, seeing as it gave him enough strength to attempt to sit up. He may have needed one entire arm to support him from behind, but he let his other arm to reach up to Hakkai. He ran his fingers through the green - eyed man's hair and stopped when he reached the back of his head and brought his hand to one of his cheeks. "I'm never gonna let you go that easily..." He fell backward over the floor, the pain and nausia finally reaching him as he grasped the wound through his torn garment.

Hakkai felt as if he were going to vomit. He might lose him. He might lose Gojyo. What in the world was he going to to? What the HELL could he do!?

"Gojyo, I swear," Hakkai began, "if you die..." He trailed off. Why was he speaking? Why couldn't he do something usefull? Think, Hakkai, think! "Gojyo!" Hakkai leaned forward. The red - haired man had given no answer to him in the least. Things were, indeed, looking very grim. The green - eyed man lifted Gojyo, one arm behind his head and one over both of his shoulders. "Gojyo! Don't die! Please!" His mind went blank. All he could think about was the man in his arms. Gojyo's chest heaved up and down heavily as he spat blood and muttered, raising shaking hands up,

"Hakkai..."

"You can't die, Gojyo!"

"Ha--...Hakkai....," Gojyo mouthed and grasped Hakkai's shoulder with one hand, the other still on the wound. "P-please...." Things were at their climax. They could not and wound not get much worse than this. Gojyo coughed again. And the expression on his face was frightened; he did not want to die then and there.

"I love you, Gojyo!"



The red - haired half - breed sighed as he set the Ace of Diamons at the top of the table in the middle of a game of Solitare. Everything was excrutiatingly.... boring. It was a hot, humid, and frustrating night, even with all of the windows opened in their entirety, it did not help. And when there was a musky breeze that blew into the inn, it was hot and smelled of the stench of combined road dust and vegetation. Boring. So... boring.

Gojyo glanced at the clock at his side. It read 12:36 A.M. Atop the clock was a small knob and switch for radio choice. He switched it on and selected a station, but seeing as, this late at night and there being barely any radio shows on, the only thing that was playing was DJ Crush [1]. He sighed again and turned the elctronical frustration off.

He reached for the deck again to draw three new cards for his Solitare game but winced and ceased as the pain in his upper chest began and caused difficulty once again. "Shit...."



He remembered what Sanzo had said to him when he was bandaged and in bed. The blond monk had answered in request for the semi - mummy - looking half - breed's inquiry: "Am I dead?"

"Tch," Sanzo puffed on his Marlboro [2]. "What do you think?"

"Did I die and go to heaven?"

The monk raised an eyebrow at the red - haired man's sarcastic inquiry and pulled Goku in from the doorway, hissing,"If we're in heaven, why is the ape here?"

"Good question," Gojyo laughed. "Wait, I'm alive?"

"Ding ding....," Sanzo replied monotonously and pushed the gold - eyed monkey out the door again. "That youkai did a number on you. Someone in the inn heard the screaming from the battle and called the authorities... who in turn called the hospital."

"Yes!" Gojyo raised an arm into the air but pulled it back down as quickly as he had shot it up. The pain surged throughout his body like food - coloring spread through a pitcher of water. He coughed. "Damn it!"

"Yeah, just don't move."

"Wish you would have told me earlier."

"What fun would that be?" Sanzo snuffed the small cigarette bud in the ashtray at Gojyo's bedside bureau and exitted the room, muttering something to someone in the room next to his. "Yeah, he's awake.... I dunno." Apparently, the other person's voice was kept low and soft. Worried or young, someone was concerned.

"Yeah, who would care about me?" Gojyo muttered to himself and bit the inside of his bottom lip. It was then that he remembered the last thing he had heard before he had blanked out from blood loss. Something Hakkai said that made him shiver with inquizition and confusion. "I love you." Hakkai had said that he loved him? Was that even possible? How could someone love a person like him? But then the thought got to him: Birds of a feather stick together. But love?

A knock was wrapped against the door as the doorknob jiggled and turned in place, but only to reveal someone's delecate hand over the goldish object and a soft, gentle voice, "Gojyo?"

"Come in."

The door opened slowly, creaking the last few inches before it reached the doorstop. Hakkai stepped in, one small bundle in one hand and a roll of new bandages under one arm to give his other hand freedom to open the door. "Are you feeling better?"

Gojyo laughed. "Man, I don't know what I felt like to begin with!"

The brunette chuckled lightly and stepped into the room, "I'm here to check up on your wounds." Here is where Gojyo noticed the multiple modernistic bruises that had appeared on Hakkai's body from the fight with the youkai. "You did get quite a few."

"And to factor in the ones that I got from the fight with the monkey...," Gojyo scoffed.

"Yes, quite a few," Hakkai repeated a bit to cheerfully.

Gojyo sat up slightly with a grimace and ignoring Hakkai's sudden protest. For one reason or another, he felt so vulnerable when he was lying down. But sitting up partially caused the thin conforter and sheets to fall layer after layer down to reveal his naked chest with a huge bunden of bandages at the upper side of his chest near his shoulder. To his surprise, the brunette in front of him blushed.

"Oh, please. Don't, Gojyo...," Hakkai began. "I don't want anything else to happen. Don't reopen any of your wounds.""I'm fine, I'm fine." Gojyo reassured.

The brunette took the few steps forward to Gojyo's bedside and knelt down next to the other man, setting the small bundle that had been in his hand down onto the slick wooden floor. Unwrapping the bundle to reveal that it held a small bottle of some unknown substance and a few cotton balls, Hakkai picked up one of them and unwound the bandage around Gojyo's shoulder slowly.

"You're healing up so quickly, Gojyo!" Hakkai smiled and motioned toward the four deep cuts so near his the red - haired man's heart. The gambler glanced down to where the gashes were made and raised his eyebrows, for even he was surprised at how fast things were going.

Hakkai took out the bottle, dabbed the bit of the liquid from it onto a cotton ball and ran it across the cuts, warning before he did so, "This may sting a little." And so it did. Obviously, the substance in the black bottle was Hydrogyn Peroxide, which made the wounds sizzle with some white fuzzy material, forcing the red - haired man to grit his teeth before the pained tickling feeling finally died down [3]. Then, to Gojyo's surprise, Hakkai blew cold air across the surface of the wounds, to numb the strange feeling of the liquid mixing with blood. Afterward, the wound was rebandaged and Hakkai placed the bloody bandages into a wastebasket. "Try not to move it too much," Hakkai said as he stood the exit the room, a strange feeling rising up in his chest when Gojyo haulted,

"Hakkai, wait...!"

The brunette turned around slowly to find the half - breed standing, his chest bare, with baggy blue denim jeans on. "Yes?"

"I... I wanted to...," but he was cut off as Hakkai stated plainly,

"I think I'll go get some coffee from the inn's kitchen." And with that he walked, hurriedly, through the doorway and down the hall, being sure to keep his head down slightly to avoid others seeing the pained look plastered onto his face. Gojyo sighed and proceeded out of his room, but not without a protest from his wound, which ached each time his arm moved from walking.

They both travelled down the only flight of the inn's stairs, Gojyo being a bit behind Hakkai, as the brunette finally reached the kitchen. For once, for the first time, Hakkai wanted to be away from Gojyo. He needed to think, for he had a hunch upon what the red - haired man might want to say. But it quickly faded, that one chance, as the memories flooded back: He's a gambler, a player, think of how many women he has been with! The former teacher's hands shook with the vision of nervousness as he began pouring the steaming hot substance into his cup.
Gojyo arrived at the doorway of the kitchen, one hand placed on one side and the other, where the wound was located at the top of, hung limply by his side. "Hakkai...," he began, to attract the other man's attention. Hakkai stood, back turned to the door as he held the coffee pot handle tightly, his knuckles beginning to go white. His head turned ever so slightly, not even allowing the half - breed to see part of his face,

"Please, don't speak, Gojyo," Hakkai asked gently, his voice quaking, and Gojyo was almost certain he would begin to cry.

"But--"

"Please," Hakkai breathed through his teeth. "I... don't want to talk."

"But, Hakkai--""Gojyo."

"But, Hakkai, I--"

"You what?" Hakkai demanded, his voice losing its gentle feel as he set the coffee pot down non - too - gently.

"I... I love you, too!"

And so the coffee pot did drop onto the countertop suddenly from the brunette's hand, the dark umber liquid spilling over the tabletop. (Luckily, it was made of plastic instead of glass to avoid the shattering annoyance of broken melted sand.) Hakkai gasped a few breaths and then, finally, clutching onto his chest with one hand and turning 'round to face the red - haired man limping in the doorway, he murmured, "You do?"

Gojyo nodded and proceeded further a few steps and said, his wound aching with each step, "I love you, Hakkai. I have for..."

"For?"

"For so long..."

"Gojyo," Hakkai's face was pulled into a tender, loving smile,"I have loved you for so long as well."

The half - breed's eyes were glassy with tears but suddenly, he collapsed over the hard floor of the kitchen, landing on his knees two or three feet in front of Hakkai. "Oh, Hakkai...," he whispered. The green - eyed man's eyes went wide for right then he noticed just what it was that made Gojyo go weak. The wound was causing immense pain and discomfort, or so it seemed, and the gambler that the injuries belonged to had reached his limit.

"Gojyo?"

Gojyo sighed. Hakkai knelt down in front of him and placed his hands gently on the other man's shoulders. Gojyo smiled up to Hakkai as he knelt there, his posture poor due to the pain in his shoulder and near his heart. "It hurts..."

"Well... the wound was severe...."

"Nah," Gojyo shook his head. "It isn't a painful kinda hurt. I just finally found out... that you love me. That kind of pain... I welcome." He went completely limp. Hakkai caught him.

"Stupid...," Hakkai whispered sarcastically. "Maybe it's just... two different pains." Gojyo did not answer. The brunette silently carried him back up to his room...



Both of them thought that the next few hours would go through easily. But when they found that their hopes were shattered, they were dumbfounded, for Gojyo continued to cough up blood, which was something that he should have been over with already. He complained of a continuing throbbing pain in his chest, which concerned Hakkai greatly and he notified the doctor. Although it was nearly one o'clock in the morning, the doctor agreed to come to check on Gojyo's wound.

Hakkai sat beside Gojyo's bed and whispered, "Are you alright, Gojyo?"

"Yeah," he cringed. "I'll be... just fine."

The brunette noticed that Gojyo was clenching his fingers around the sheets and comforters in pain, wrinkling and pulling at them. Hakkai reached out and took Gojyo's hand from the covers and squeezed it between his own, letting the red - haired man tighten his grip as much as needed to help relieve the pain. The green - eyed man placed his other arm on the bed and rested his head on that, as if for a pillow, and sooner or later, he slipped off into a serene state of slumber, his hand still within Gojyo's firm grasp.

The red - haired half - breed looked down to the other man at his bedside, smiling, knowing that, finally, someone loved him for more than just his body, and he loved him back, so dearly.

Hakkai's features were so delecate and beautiful when he was sleeping. His chocolate colored hair flew over his forehead, nearly concealing his eyes, which, when closed, bore slightly longer than visibly noticable lashes. His gorgeous lips were parted slightly to allow easier breathing and his cheek was lying against his lower arm. Along with perfect facial features, his hands were so smooth and comforting. When he took Gojyo's hand in his own, the red - haired man could have sworn he had taken hold of a dream. Entirely uncalloused and inviting, Gojyo let his grip loose somewhat and gently ran his thumb across the feather - soft skin of the back of Hakkai's hand. He was, indeed, the most beautiful man that Gojyo had ever seen.



The brunette awoke about an hour later, finding his hand empty and the bed empty as well. His verdant green eyes scanned the room quickly as he spun around. Gojyo was nowhere in sight. Worry immediately rose up inside the human - turned - youkai as he raced from the room, not bothering to shut the door behind him.

As soon as he walked into the kitchen, he set his gaze over the clock. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning. He'd only been asleep for about two hours.

Knocking lightly on Sanzo's door, Hakkai tapped his foot impatiently as he heard the blond rustle around in the dark to find the doorknob. "Yeah?"

The brunette sighed at the final remark and inquired politely, "Have you seen Gojyo?"

"It's two in the morning. Why the hell do you want to talk to him?"

"He wasn't in his bed when I last looked..."

Sanzo opened the door slightly, enough for him just to peek out, squinting from the offening light that immediately came into sight, even though it was only the moonlight, and stated, "The doctor's got him."

"What?"

"They said something about poisoning," Sanzo continued. "Probably someone like the woman that attacked me in the desert with the long nails and poison on them."

Hakkai was hit hard. Posion? Gojyo was poisoned - was that the reason why he kept compaining about the pain in his chest after it should have dulled?

"Hakkai?" Sanzo querried.
"H-he was poisoned, then?"

"Guess so," Sanzo muttered with no emotion in his voice. "It's a hospital, Hakkai. He'll be fine." He shut the door. Through the thick wood of the barrier, Hakkai could hear the blond murmur under his breath, "Like I care."

The brunette was still thunderstruck as the fact stuck in his head. Gojyo was poisoned. Badly poisoned. And he was at a hospital.

"Sanzo?" Hakkai asked.
"What?" Came the irritated remark.

"Which hospital?"

"The one... forty miles south of here... or something," he collapsed over his bed and then it dawned on him: "Hakkai, you aren't gonna go see him, are you?"

"So fast...," Hakkai whispered.

But he was too late. Hakkai had already sprinted down the hall, as quiet as he could, haulting when he heard a familiar greeting.

"Kyu!" Hakuryu exclaimed and flew gracefully from Hakkai's opened window. [4]

"Hakuryu! Did I wake you?" Hakkai inquired. The white dragon shook his head as it landed on Hakkai's shoulder. "You know what happened to Gojyo, then?" The grave sound of his voice set in once more. The ruby - eyed creature nodded. As if reading the healer's mind, Hakuryu leaped gracefully from Hakkai's shoulder and, in a brilliant flash of light, it transformed into the jeep.

"Kyu! Kyu!"

Hakkai smiled, nodded, and climbed into the driver's seat of the vehicle.




Gojyo was all that Hakkai could think of as he drove through the barren wasteland that separated the towns. His thoughts were a mixture of worry and confusion. And guilt. His knuckles, braced sturnly on the steering wheel, were turning white, his fingers trembling. He bit the inside of his lip. The huge bruise on his abdomen where Goku had hit him in the fight began to emit pain throughout his chest.

"How could they get him there so fast?" [5] The human - turned - youkai pondered the question and inquired to himself. For miles, all there was was the straight horizontal line that stretched as far as he could see. The night sky was full to the brim with stars, twinkling and fluttering their colors.

Everyone knows that when you see a shooting star, you should make a wish; that's why when Hakkai witnessed the event, a light blue tail attached to a small ball of azure light flashing across the sky hurriedly, he murmured softly to himself, "Please... Let Gojyo be alright."

Poisoned and in the hospital... This is serious. His thoughts crashed over him as another mile was gone behind him. Thirty more... He was tired now, his eyelids heavy with sleep but every time he thought of that goreous half - breed, he woke up completely, straightening his posture in an attempt to stay awake. Did Sanzo say forty miles? Hakkai thought. However long it is, it isn't forty.

His heart raced at the thought of what might have awaited him when he reached the town where Gojyo was. His eyes were glassy with tears. He blinked them back. His knuckles were numb from clutching onto the wheel so tightly. He ignored them. All that mattered now was making sure that his best friend was alright. Gojyo couldn't die...


Hakkai didn't want another one of his loved ones to die...


I would walk to the edge of the universe for you
Paint you a crimson sunset over sheltering skies
I could learn all the world dialects for you
Whisper sonnets in your ear discovering truth
I could never worship pagan gods around me
I will only follow the path that leads me to you baby... always

Every step I take for you
I will always defend, never pretend
That every breath I take for love
I could never be wrong, the journey is long
With miles to go before I sleep, miles to go before I sleep

I would carry the rock of Gibraltar just for you
Lifted like a pebble from the beach to the skies
I could build you a bridge that spans the ocean wide
But the greatest gift I give you would be to stand by your side
Some can criticize and sit in judgement of us
But they can't take away the love that lives inside us always

Every step I take for you
I will always defend, never pretend
That every breath I take for love
I could never be wrong, the journey is long
With miles to go before I sleep, miles to go before I sleep...

I won't run from the changing signs along the highway
Let the rivers flow to the highest ground created...


"MILES TO GO (BEFORE I SLEEP)"
-Celine Dion


*To be continued...*

Author Notes:

[1] Yes, DJ Crush... If you do not know who DJ Crush is, it fits right into the J - Rap and the like. I don't like DJ Crush's songs... a lot of them anyway. I was listening to Nippon Music Champ on Sunday and that's what B - chan played for the Shichiji no Specilu (7 o'clock special... I can't do romanji). I only like a few of his songs. One of them was even featured in the ending for the movie "Junk Food".
[2] Who - o - o! Yes, Marlboro. Marlboro Mediums to be exact. How do I know? It was in a picture in the artbook by Minekura Kazuya: Backgammon. It had a picture of Sanzo holding a box of cigarettes and, loe and behold, it said "Marlboro". "MEDIUM" is not on there but... I lucked out. My father smokes the exact same cigarettes - red box and all.
[3] For all you people that have not had the terrible aching feeling of mending flesh and that oh - so - annoying tickling and itching feeling of Hydrogen Peroxide inside your wounds... it isn't exactly the most pleasant feeling in the world. Especially with that nasty scar I have on my arm... It's like you... wanna itch it but you'll rip yourself apart if you do!
[4] We all LOVE Hakuryu! At this time, I would like to take the time to ask about one thing in pertucilar: I was searching on www.google.com for some Gojyo x Hakkai sites and this one thing comes up... something that shocked myself and Kira and Faye... Hakuryu x Hakkai... Where do you get that!? I'm sorry. I am writing in total and complete bias and I know that but is that even possible!? Sorry, I just needed to ask about that. I don't understand!