Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Counterfeit Life ❯ Chapter 7 ( Chapter 8 )

Warning: This story is NC-17 because it contains foul language, explicit sex, and generalized adult themes.

 

This story will also contain YAOI… MAN-ON-MAN SEX… don't like it… fine… just go elsewhere.

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki… they belong to Kazuya Minekura, and she is a lucky lucky lady… I do however own the song addiction, and any original characters.

 

Sidenotes: This story is AU, and takes place in present day New York… Oh and don't be surprised if the characters are OOC, because I decided to create a more emotional side to both of the main characters, to push the story along.

 

Also: This story hasn't been beta read, but I'm fairly anal about revision and spell check and the like, so there should be very few grammatical errors. Hopefully none, but one never knows.

 

Please read and review as I can use all the help I can get. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Anywho, I hope you like it.

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Chapter 7: In the Darkest Hours

Gojyo's POV…

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Gojyo opened his eyes, and frowned. It was still dark outside. He looked at his bedside clock and couldn't help but feel pained. Three days. It had officially been three days now. He was beginning to wonder if the phone would ever ring. It was just past midnight, the witching hour, and he couldn't help but feel haunted by images of a certain blonde haired disappearing boyfriend.

 

He watched the clock flick away another minute, and it dawned on him just how long 24 hours really was. During the day he never paid much attention. He was always on the go, and didn't have the wherewithal to acknowledge that yet another sunrise and sunset had passed. But in these moments when he couldn't rest, and it seemed the entire world was asleep, one minute might as well be an eternity. The endless seconds only served to accentuate his absence. The emptiness of his bed. The loneliness in his heart…

 

The hours he spent laying silent in the dead of night, were the hardest of all. The hours when his newly developed insomnia took hold, and he had no one'scompany to keep but his own. It was in these minutes that his thoughts ran rampant, and his imagination showed him things he couldn't bearto see. Gojyo sighed, shaking away another vision of his lover entangled with a woman who, in his opinion, was far beneath him.

 

It had been almost a year since Sanzo married Mei, but the nights he spent alone only got harder, not easier. In the beginning he'd assumed that one day he'd grow used to the situation, but each night when he woke in the dark, and found himself alone, a piece of his heart was chipped away. He feared that one day there would be nothing left and he would become an empty shell.

 

Shit! I'm even depressing myself now. Way too heavy for 1 a.m.! Maybe I can get a bit more sleep… With that idea in mind Gojyo slipped back under the covers with a yawn, buried his head in his pillow, took several deep breaths, and tried to calm his racing thoughts. Tomorrow is another day… Tomorrow he will…

 

Gojyo rolled over in bed and gave a frustrated growl. He was still exhausted. He couldn't have slept for more then two hours. Before he'd only been slightly annoyed, but that had turned into full blown irritation. Am I ever going to get some fucking sleep? He doubted it. It had already been two weeks since he'd gotten a decent nights rest. He obviously had too much on his mind to sleep peacefully, and that unnerved him more then he was ready to admit. Sleep had always come easily to him, no matter what he was going through. He reached around on his nightstand, but what he sought was missing.

 

With a grimace he climbed out of bed, and went in search of the pants he'd worn earlier. As he stumbled around in the dark, his right foot made itself at home on top of something he couldn't quite name, and he heard a crunch. He flicked the light switch on, and lifted his foot. “Oh god damn it!!” he grumbled as he bent over, and grabbed his pack of cigarettes, that had been smashed into putty. “That was my last fucking pack!” He put them on the dresser and pulled on a shirt.

 

As he made his way down the hallway he took out the one salvageable smoke in the pack, and placed it between his lips for safe keeping, tossing the rest into the trash. He threw on some shoes and a light sweater, grabbed his cell phone, and was out the door and down the hall in little more than a minute. As he moved past the doorman he lit his smoke, and took a large drag. The day just started and it's already shit…

 

He was starting to feel like fate was laughing at him. In the last month, his lucky combat boots, which they didn't make anymore, died and Sanzo, without his permission, mind you, threw them away, without giving them a proper burial. Then he'd gotten a cold during summer of all seasons, followed by getting arrested for a drunk and disorderly, even though the jerk had punched him first, and of course he would get into a huge argument with Hakkai over the fact that he got arrested. As if that wasn't enough, yesterday he got kicked out of his band, and to top all that off? He hadn't gotten laid in eighteen long days. That's right!! Eighteen excruciatingly long days. Sometimes life… just wasn't fair.

 

When he walked into the corner store, the night clerk handed him a pack of his brand, and he handed the guy some money. Neither of them said a word, and Gojyo was on his way back home in seconds. This had become an almost nightly ritual, and the fact that he had spent more time with the night clerk then his own boyfriend in the last few weeks was disturbing, to say the least. When he got back to his apartment building the elevator was stuck in the basement because of a shipment. He had two choices…

 

Wait for it to come back up, even though it might take a while, or take the stairs. Since he wasn't thrilled with the idea of standing in the lobby, where he couldn't smoke, for the next hour, he took the stairs. When he realized that he was climbing up seven flights of stairs at 4:37 a.m. on a Monday morning, he snapped. “This is fucking ridiculous!! I've had it up to here,” he roared as he stomped up the last flight. “Fuck my stupid band, I had more talent than all of those bastards combined anyway! They didn't deserve someone of my caliber!”

 

When he made it into the hallway, the stairwell door slammed shut behind him. He smiled almost malevolently and stomped down the hallway. Maybe he could ruin someone else's morning. And why the hell not? He shouldn't have to be the only asshole on the planet having a shitty run at life. He'd almost reached his door, when the elderly lady down the hall poked her head out her door. He turned to face her and gave her his sweetest smile.

 

As she began to smile back he narrowed his eyes, “What the hell do you want, Grams? I'm sorry I didn't catch that? Really? Well you're gonna have to fucking pay for it like everybody else!” he growled as he grazed his crotch. Her jaw dropped, her face went fire engine red, and she slipped back inside her apartment, slamming the door behind her. With a satisfied smirk Gojyo opened his door, and made his way into the living room, slamming his front door behind him. Stupid nosey old bitty!! “God! Why do people suck so fucking much?” Hmmm… speaking of people who suck…

 

Gojyo plopped down on the couch, lit a cigarette, and pulled out his cell phone. Sanzo had had to go away on business for two weeks, and he should have already been back for three days, but he hadn't bothered to call. Therefore, Gojyo had very special plans for his bastard boyfriend. I mean who did he think he was anyway?

 

A C.E.O. of one of the biggest and hottest companies in technology right now… A man with a wife and a life outside of you… that's who, his inner voice poked. Besides… who the hell are you? A starving musician without a band… that's who!

 

Gojyo silenced his inner guardian with very little effort and grimaced. Some days he wished he could just tell his conscience to fuck off and disappear forever. Gojyo flipped open his phone, and called Sanzo at the office. He knew he wouldn't be there this early, but that was the point. He listened to the voicemail message very closely, and when it beeped he left a message, just like the voice had told him to.

 

Ignore that bastard!! He thought with a small smile. Have a good day at the office…

 

Sanzo's POV…

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Sanzo strolled out of his morning budget meeting and wandered over to his office. He only had about ten minutes until his next meeting, which was with his newest investor, Toya Sanumura, and he wanted to get situated before they began outlining all the details, both big and small. He greeted Akira, told him to show Toya in when he arrived, collected his messages, and went into his office.

 

When he sat down at his desk the voicemail indicator on his phone was flashing. Deciding to ignore it, he grabbed the files he would need and set them on the conference table in the center of his office. When he went back to his desk the red light caught his attention again, and he felt his curiosity taking hold. Very few people had his direct office number. It might be important, he reasoned with himself. He looked at his watch, and that only launched his interest into the atmosphere. Who could have possibly left him a message? It was only 8:30. Akira gets into the office at 7:30 and leaves at 5:30… I was here until 9:30 last night… That meant the message had to have been left sometime between 10 p.m. and 7:30 a.m.

 

He sat down in his high back brown leather chair, and pressed the message button. The machine told him he had four new messages. The first three were updates from his work foremen who worked in the labs, which ran 24 hours a day. He listened to them carefully, and took the appropriate notes. The last message began with about fifteen seconds of dead air. He was about to delete it when he heard a very familiar voice.

 

“Good morning Mr. Douji. This is Gojyo Taishou. I was wondering if perhaps I could make an appointment to discuss my possible investment in your company.” Sanzo couldn't help but smile. His lover was such a clown sometimes. “However, I'd expect you to invest in my company in return…” Sanzo took a sip of his coffee, a smile on his face “…Thick Meats Sausage is very interested in having our budget holes filled by the long arm of Zenon Industries…” Sanzo laughed out loud, his coffee spilling out his nose and onto his desk, then unleashed a violent cough. His office door slid open, and he looked up.

 

“…What it really comes down to is this… you are my lover… so I'd like to know when you're planning to come over here and fuck me properly?” Sanzo looked up into the face of Toya Sanumura, and was completely mortified. He randomly began hitting buttons to silence the message but it was to no avail “…Because if you don't I'm going to find someone else who…”

 

Finally the message was silenced, and Sanzo had the good grace to begin bowing over and over like an idiot. “My sincerest apologies, Mr. Sanumura. I have no idea…” Toya raised his hand and the scowl on his face was enough to silence Sanzo. I swear to god Gojyo…

 

“Mr. Douji, I'm shocked by this display,” he said with a frown, but his grimace became a beaming smile. “Almost a year, and still in the honeymoon phase? Your wife must be some woman.”

 

“Uhhh… yeah…” Sanzo mumbled, laughing awkwardly. After clearing his throat he forced a smiled, “Shall we begin Mr. Sanumura?” Toya nodded, and they joined each other at the center table to hash out their contract.

 

A few hours later he shook hands with Toya, bid him farewell, and waited for Akira to return to his desk. “I'm very sorry, Mr. Douji, did you need something?” his soft spoken assistant asked when he returned.

 

“Yes, as a matter of fact I do. I'm going to be on a conference call. I do NOT want to be disturbed for any reason, do you understand? I don't care who it is. No phone calls, no messages, no visits. I don't want anyone anywhere near my office,” he growled.

 

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Carry on then,” he said dismissively.

 

He shut the outer office door, locked it, and made his way into his office, and shut and locked that door as well. He had a very important phone call to make, to his soon to be deceased lover, who'd almost cost him a huge investor. He put on the head set that was attached to his cell phone and waited for the voice on the other side.

 

“Hey love…”

 

“Gojyo! What the hell is the matter with you?” he screamed into the phone. “Leaving a message like that on my office phone. Are you fucking crazy?”

 

“San…”

“I had a goddamned investor walk into my office while I was listening to it!” he snapped.

“It was a joke, Sanzo. Relax!” Gojyo replied airily, and Sanzo lost it.

 

“A joke? A fucking joke?! Your little `joke' almost cost me a huge investor. Did you ever stop to think about the repercussions of what you were doing before you did it? No! But that doesn't surprise me since you don't ever fucking think about what you do before you do it. I mean for fuck sake…”

 

“Sanzo…”

 

“I don't want to listen to some stupid fucking excuse. I'm getting tired of this shit. First I have to leave Mei at our hotel in the middle of the night to wire money to Hakkai, so he could bail your ass out of jail, and now this…”

 

“What?”

“What do you mean what? You don't remember me having to…”

“You took Mei with you?” Gojyo whispered and Sanzo could hear the pain in his voice.

 

Shit…

 

“That's…” Sanzo cleared his throat trying to maintain his authoritative tone “…That's not the issue here, Gojyo.”

 

“I think you lying to me is a huge issue!” Gojyo snarled.

 

“Maybe, but the topic at hand is obviously a much bigger issue. What you did today… If my father had found out… You could have cost me my job! A job that I need. I may not like it, but I need it. Then again, what would you know about it anyway? We all aren't fortunate enough to have a sugar daddy paying all our bills for us.”

 

“Paying our bills for us? You self righteous asshole! You offered to do that for me because you wanted me to live closer to where you and Mei would be living. Even though you knew I couldn't afford it.”

 

“Gojyo…”

 

“Shut the fuck up. It's my turn to speak bastard. I moved because you wanted me to. I was perfectly happy with my fourth floor walk-up. It may not have been much, but it was mine. And now thanks to you I can't even pay any bills on my own anymore...”

 

“What the hell does that mean?” Sanzo interrupted.

 

“You moved me all the way out here, and I could never make it to band practice, so I got kicked out of my band yesterday. No shows equals no money.”

 

“Oh… Gojyo, I'm…”

 

“All I wanted was to get your attention. I'm having a bad couple of days, and I wanted to hear your voice. You promised me we could get together when you got back, because I wouldn't get to talk to you while you were in Seattle. But when you got back, you never called me. It's already been three days. I just wanted to see you. I'm sorry…” and just like that all the wind left his sails. He'd forgotten all about his promise to Gojyo “…Forgive me for thinking that the man I love, who supposedly loves me back, might be happy to hear from me. Sorry to be such an inconvenience.”

 

“Gojyo…” he began, but when he heard the dial tone on the other end, his heart stopped beating. He tore off his head set, and flipped open his phone. He pressed speed dial number one, his foot bouncing up and down, but his call went straight to voicemail. He tried several more times, but it always went straight to voicemail. “God damn it! Answer the phone!” he growled, his fist landing on his desk with an audible thud.

 

Great! Now I've fucked up twice…

 

Maybe he truly was his father's son…

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Sanzo starred up at the ceiling, and glowered. Today hadn't exactly been the day he'd originally pictured when he'd tied his tie and buttoned his suit jacket. Today had, in the simplest of words, been complete and utter hell. He'd blown up and said terrible things to Gojyo, proving yet again, that he was an unfeeling jackass. And of course, he still hadn't been given a chance to apologize. What's worse was that he would be leaving for Houston in three days, and he would be gone over a week. If he didn't apologize soon, Gojyo most definitely wouldn't be waiting for him when he got back.

 

Mei burrowed her head further into his chest, and his lips curled into a grimace. Does she have to sleep right on fucking top of me? This had seemingly become a tradition the past several months. She would lay against him, and in the darkest hours of night, he would hold her dispassionately, while envisioning what his life would be like if he could be free of the ties that bound him to this place. Each night he drew a detailed world in his mind, full of vivid colors, and exciting moments. The painting changed every night. Different places, different times, but one thing always stayed the same… Gojyo. He was always the focus of each and every still-life, because he was the center of Sanzo's world.

 

The daylight hours were the easiest. Work kept him so busy that he didn't have a spare minute to even think about Gojyo, let alone miss him. But in the middle of the night when he was awakened by an arm wrapping around his waist, he would smile, and take the hand in his own. Only to shove it away seconds later when the fog of sleep lifted, and he realized who was trying to hold him. After that moment of regret, sadness, and anger, he would lay awake the rest of the night, lost in his own thoughts. He could never recover from the initial shock.

 

What kept him awake, was the overwhelming disappointment he always felt. The loneliness of the small distance he couldn't overcome. The inevitability of his solitude, despite his overcrowded bed. It was in these hours, between midnight and dawn, that he realized the toll his path took on his hidden reserves of strength. The long hours he spent away from Gojyo were a burden he wasn't sure he could carry. He was certain however, that he didn't want the responsibility that his father had unceremoniously dropped into his lap.

 

It had been far too long since he'd seen his love. He'd drag himself out of bed in the morning after yet another restless night, and he always felt… off. Not off as in wrong or rotten, but off as in not functioning. Like his heart was sealed away, and he was operating on auto-pilot. Like he was a robot… Like he was his father… and that terrified and infuriated him. In his youth he'd vowed to never be like his father, but it seemed he grew to be more like Shuuei Douji each and every day. His accidental disregard of the promise he'd made to Gojyo, his soul mate, was proof of that, and he intended to fix his error right now.

 

Dropping his right leg off the bed, he lifted Mei gently, and slid her off his chest, putting his pillow beneath her, so that she wouldn't miss him. He slipped his cell phone into the pocket of his pajama pants, grabbed his cigarettes, and with a silent growl, crept across the room to their bedroom door. He couldn't believe that he had to sneak around his own home. A home that he paid for. It was ridiculous. When he reached the door, Mei stirred. “Sanzo, what are you…”

 

“Shush, Mei. Go back to sleep. I'm just going to go smoke a cigarette. I'll be back.”

“O-kay…” she said with a yawn.

 

He waited for her to fall back to sleep, left the bedroom, closing the door behind him soundlessly, walked down the hall, and into the living room. He slid open the door to the balcony gently, and closed it slowly behind him. He lit a cigarette, and pulled out his phone. He starred at it for several minutes, then flicked his finished smoke into the street. It was already after 2 a.m. but he didn't really care. He lit another cigarette, took a deep breath, and hit speed dial number one. This time… it finally rang…

 

“Hello?”

Gojyo…” he whispered into the phone.

“I don't…”

 

“Don't hang up,” he said, and waited for a click on the other end signaling him that the call had ended. When it didn't, he pushed on. “I have something to say…”

 

“I think you already said enough earlier,” Gojyo growled.

 

“It's nothing like that, Gojyo,” Sanzo declared desperately. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior this morning I was wrong, and I'm sorry. No matter what happens, I don't ever have the right to speak to you that way.”

 

“Sanzo…”

 

“I'm an asshole, and believe me I know it. I've felt like shit all day. I tried to call you a million times, but your phone was off. I didn't want to leave a message, because I figured you wouldn't listen to it, and…”

 

“Sanzo…”

 

“I fucked up. I should never have lied to you. I'm really sorry. I'm a jackass. I love you so much. I've been going crazy all day…”

 

“SANZO!” Gojyo screamed trying to get his loves attention.

“Yes?” Sanzo said weakly.

“It's fine…”

“No, it's not fine. I…”

 

“Would you listen for one second please? It really is okay. When I left that message I was… pissed at you, and I was in a lousy mood. I should never have left it, but I wanted… I don't know what I wanted out of it, but it was wrong,” Gojyo said apologetically. “I'm sorry.”

 

“Can we call it even?” Sanzo asked with a smile.

Gojyo laughed, “Yeah, of course.” When he spoke again his voice was sober, “I love you, Sanzo.”

“I love you too, Gojyo,” Sanzo replied, and he felt some life returning to him.

“It's late.” Gojyo stated flatly, a yawn chasing the words from his lips.

“I didn't wake you did I?”

“No, I was already up. Couldn't sleep. Then again…”

“What?” Sanzo asked curiously.

“I haven't been able to sleep for weeks.”

“Me either.”

“Aren't we just a bushy tailed pair?” Gojyo asked, letting out a muffled chuckle.

“Gojyo?”

“Yeah?”

 

“I'm really sorry that I didn't call you when I got back. I had so much shit to take care of that it slipped my mind. And I should never have lied to you. I just didn't want to hurt you, but that doesn't really matter. There's no excuse for it. It was wrong.”

 

“Sanzo, I get it. Okay? Trust me. You don't have to apologize anymore. It's my own fault. You have obligations you can't ignore, and I knew that from the beginning. I just… really missed you. That's all.”

 

“I missed you too.”

 

“A part of me knew that, but I was still pissed off and really hurt that you were too busy to even pick up the phone,” Gojyo said flatly.

 

“I'm sorry.”

“I know. I'm gonna try to get some sleep. I'll talk to you later.”

“Gojyo…” Sanzo murmured tentatively.

“Yeah?”

“I have to go to Houston for nine days, to meet with a new client. Did you… want to come with me?”

 

“Sanzo, you don't have to do that,” Gojyo said, and Sanzo felt unnerved by the remorse in his voice. “Mei and I aren't competing. I already know that your heart belongs to me.”

 

“That's not why I'm inviting you,” Sanzo said assuredly.

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes,” he responded without a moment's hesitation. “I haven't seen you in so long. We haven't had a chance to spend this much time together in months. I need the uninterrupted time with you. I've missed you so much. It would be nice to wake up next to you, and have breakfast in bed with you and…”

 

“Okay. I'll go,” Gojyo said calmly, but Sanzo could hear the excitement hidden in his voice.

“Good.” When his love yawned he smiled. “Get some sleep. I love you. I'll call you tomorrow.”

“I… I love you too. Goodnight. Sweet dreams,” Gojyo mumbled sleepily.

“Gojyo?”

“Uh huh…” he replied with a yawn.

 

“We won't ever have to wait this long again. I promise. I won't let anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, stand in the way. There's nothing more important to me then you. Sweet dreams. I love you.” With that, he hung up, and made his way back inside. He crawled into bed next to the woman he'd grown to despise, because to Sanzo, she wore his father's face, and began a new portrait. This one took place in a moonlit desert sand dune, big city lights leaving a mystical glow…