Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Goodbye, Gojyo? ❯ Never Lose Your Smile ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Gojyo was flipping through a magazine when he heard the knock on the door. “Come in!”
The door opened and in stepped Hakkai. He was carrying a picnic basket. “Hello, Gojyo, how are you feeling?”
“I feel okay.”
“Then you’re getting worse.”
“I know. Strange, huh? So, what’s with the basket?”
“I spoke with the doctor and he said you’re not confined to your room, you’re allowed outside as long as it’s on the hospital grounds. Since you’re allowed outdoors, I was thinking that maybe the two of us could have an evening picnic.”
“Sounds great, my ass was getting tired anyway.”
“Come again?”
“I’ve been sitting on it all day and it’s starting to go numb.”
“Ah. Well, I have some bad news for you and your ass. Because you’re so ill, you have to move around in a wheelchair.”
“Damn.”
“But, you are allowed to sit on the grass.” Hakkai put down the basket, stepped out of the room for a second, then returned with a wheelchair. He pushed it over to the bed, then helped Gojyo into it. ‘He’s so weak…’
“Thanks for the help.”
“Anything for a friend, everything for a best friend.” He put a blanket over Gojyo’s lap, took the basket and handed it to his ill friend. “So, let’s go, shall we?”
“Yes, let’s move!”

They were sitting by the hospital lake. The sun was setting. “We may no longer be travelling, but the sunset is still remarkable,” Hakkai remarked as he set everything out.
“Boy, I’ll say. That’s one sunset down, thirteen to go.”
“Please don’t, Gojyo, please don’t count down how long you have left.”
“Sorry.” He started to eat his food. “This picnic was a great idea, Hakkai.”
“I’m glad you think so. I thought that maybe it would be best for you to not be cooped up during your final days.”
“Thanks.” He had a sip of his drink. “So, how did they take it?”
Hakkai sighed. “As expected.”
“Meaning…what exactly?”
“Meaning Goku cried and Sanzo…he looked as stone-faced as usual, but he was shocked when I broke the news.”
“That’s a surprise, Goku actually cried? Sanzo was shocked?”
“Goku wants to visit you, but I told him not at the moment. I have a feeling you’ll change your mind next week.”
“Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.” He ate some more. Even though he was lacking in appetite, he would never not eat Hakkai’s cooking.
Hakkai mainly picked at his food.
“What’s on your mind?”
“You and your condition. There won’t be many more times like this when you’re gone. I’ll probably stop smiling.”
“Promise me you won’t stop smiling.”
“You want me to wear a fake smile more often?”
“Why not? You do now.”
“Because you’re here. You always make me want to smile, even when I can’t. When you’re gone, I won’t find anymore reason to smile.”
“What about the monk and the monkey?”
“No, you are the only one who can make me smile. I nearly never smiled after Kanan died, but when I met you…you made me smile.”
Gojyo smiled softly. “Come here.”
Hakkai moved beside Gojyo and felt the half-blood wrap his arms around him and draw him close. Despite how weak Gojyo was, he could still feel the protective strength just like always. Tears sprang to his eyes as he realised that soon, nobody will be able to protect him from his fears and doubts. He nestled closer to his friend. He felt warm, he felt safe.
“If you really will lose your smile after I’m gone, then let your final smile be the last thing I see, fake or not. Your smile…I always cherish each real smile I see on your face. I can’t believe that soon, I’ll never see it again.”
Hakkai looked up at Gojyo. He saw the sadness on his face. He cuddled up to him even more. “Then I’ll let you see my final smile during your final minutes, hard as it will be to smile.”
“If it turns out that it isn’t your final smile, that will really make me happy. Don’t stop yourself from smiling, even after I’m gone.”
“I’ll remember that. Thank you, Gojyo.”
“For what?”
“When you hold me like this, I feel safe, warm, secure. You’re protecting me from my fears, my doubts and from my concerns. And I know you’d rather bite your tongue off than hold another guy in your arms, so thank you for making such a sacrifice, just to see to it that I’ll be alright.”
“You know, I never thought about all of that. I just see that you need to be held by someone who cares about you, so I do that. I never thought that I was protecting you, but now I know why you always cuddle up to me when I hold you.”
“Yes, it’s because you always make me feel safe.”
“Well, keep in mind that you’re the only guy I ever held in my arms and you always will be.”
“I know and I’ll never forget it.”

The sun finished setting and they’d finished eating, so Hakkai took Gojyo back to his room. He helped the half-blood out of the wheelchair and into his bed. “Well, I guess it’s time for me to leave now, the visiting hours are over.”
“Yeah. Hey, thanks for the picnic, the food was great.”
“You’re welcome, Gojyo. I’ll stop by again sometime tomorrow.”
“Sure. Say hi to Sanzo and Goku for me.”
“Of course. I hope you sleep well tonight.”
“Thanks.”
“Well, see you tomorrow.”
“Later, man.”
Hakkai smiled pleasantly as he left the room. But, once he’d closed the door behind him, he put away the smile.
Gojyo knew the smile was fake, he could always tell, and right then it was clear that Hakkai was struggling to hold himself together. He flopped back against his pillows and sighed as he closed his eyes and fell asleep. God, he was so tired!
When Hakkai and Hakuryu returned home, the demon decided to just go to bed. He wasn’t feeling up to speed at the moment. He slipped off his shoes, removed his monocle and took off his jacket. He climbed under the covers and rested his head on the pillow. He turned to face the wall. “How much longer can I keep this up?” He closed his green eyes and tried to sleep. He felt Hakuryu nuzzle him at times.