Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Life and Breath ❯ Life and Breath part 2 - darker draft version ( Chapter 2 )

 

Title: Life and Breath part 2 (dark draft version)

Author: Tsutsuji

Fandom: Saiyuki

Pairing: Hakkai/Sanzo

Rating: NC17, Adult

Warning: explicit yaoi, breath play, sort of bdsm-ish. Spoilers for Episode 12 and the Chin Yisou arc.

Not beta'd - draft version.

Disclaimer: The characters and setting belong to Kazuya Minekura and associates. I'm not them and I'm making no money from writing this.

 

Summary: Sanzo and Hakkai test the limits of trust and detachment. Follow-up story to "Life and Breath part 1" with a somewhat darker take on how things might develop after that.

 

(This went in a different direction than I intended, but it came out kind of good (I think) and it could certainly follow on from how things start in "Life and Breath," and still ties in with events in Episode 12 - so I'm posting this draft version of it even though it doesn't feel finished yet. Comments reallyreally appreciated - !)

 

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How many times now, Sanzo wonders, has he found himself like this: flat on his back, with Hakkai's hands at his throat? After all, there's trust, and then there's stupidity. This ... had to be somewhere in between... or maybe it was something else entirely.

 

...

 

Sanzo stares up at Hakkai's shadowed face above him, green eyes so sharp and so close he can see their color in the near-darkness of the room. The ends of Hakkai's hair brush his cheeks as those green eyes fall closed, and then Sanzo's breath catches when Hakkai's mouth meets his. Demanding and unhesitant this time, although it was not so at first, when Hakkai was direct yet still cautious. Now, Hakkai's kiss is deep and hard, and the force of it spreads heat through Sanzo's body. The pressure of Hakkai's hands on his throat and the weight on his thighs makes his blood rush away from his brain, and that along with the breath-stealing kiss makes his head swim.

 

He feels Hakkai's smile against his lips. Now, of course, Hakkai knows exactly what this does to Sanzo's body, and squeezes his thighs tightly to prove it. Sanzo winces and grunts, and his fingers twitch a little but remain still, resting on the mattress beside his head, even though Hakkai already let go of his wrists after placing them there. Even when his heart pounds and his lungs scream for breath, and a bright thread of panic shoots up his spine, Sanzo does not lift his hands. A second later, Hakkai moves on top of him, nudging Sanzo's aching erection with his own. Sanzo's vision goes white for a second, and pride slinks away as a whimper escapes his throat, but his hands remain still.

 

Hakkai pulls back from the kiss and lightens his grip. Sanzo gasps air back into his lungs, then the breath becomes a groan as the rush of blood and air suddenly floods his body and shoots right to his groin. Hakkai dives down onto him, bare chest to his, hips thrusting, hands clenched in his hair, with a desperate, startled-sounding gasp of his own.

 

Sanzo still doesn't let his hands move, though the urge to grab onto Hakkai and crush him even more tightly to his chest is blindingly intense, as strong now as the instinct to push him away was before when panic gripped him. His arms don't move, but his legs do, as if of their own accord, lifting and slipping apart a little, which nudges Hakkai up higher on his body.

 

Hakkai hums against his cheek, a sound of surprised approval. Sanzo grunts impatiently.

 

"Go on," he rasps through clenched teeth.

 

"Certainly," Hakkai says, his voice calm and almost normal, but Sanzo can feel the tension in his touch now.

 

Sanzo tries to collect his thoughts into some form of distraction so that he doesn't forget himself and thrust his hips up desperately, while Hakkai sits back and lifts himself up into position, and then reaches back to guide himself onto Sanzo's cock. Sanzo clenches his teeth so hard he thinks they'll crack, in order to keep any sound from escaping his throat, and to keep his hands from moving. He watches Hakkai's eyes, and Hakkai stares back at him, holding his gaze with the force of a spell, until the head of Sanzo's cock slips suddenly past the first hard core of resistance. He sees Hakkai's eyes roll up and close, just before his own lids wince shut on the rush of sensation as Hakkai slowly lowers himself onto him.

 

Then, Hakkai curls forward over him, letting a sigh escape to brush Sanzo's face. Sanzo opens his eyes to watch Hakkai's hands as he strokes himself briefly, fingers playing with the beads of moisture at the tip of his cock. Seeing that he's watching, Hakkai smiles, then lifts glistening wet fingers to Sanzo's clamped lips.

 

The scent of Hakkai's arousal catches Sanzo's breath, but he keeps his lips sealed when he sees Hakkai's lips twitch with amusement. Hakkai slides his other hand behind Sanzo's neck and clenches it, catching Sanzo's hair in his fist and forcing his chin up at the same time. Sanzo narrows his eyes even as Hakkai's finger slips past his lips. At the same moment his taste hits Sanzo's tongue, Hakkai flexes his hips, draws Sanzo in more deeply and sighs with pleasure.

 

Sanzo clenches his fists then, but presses his hands back against the bed. A growl of frustration gets past him. He glares up at Hakkai's calm, blissful face.

 

"Move, damn it," he snarls.

 

Hakkai complies, if only because he knows that doing so at this point is just as much a test of Sanzo's will as teasing him with stillness would have been. He falls forward onto Sanzo, replacing his fingers with his mouth on Sanzo's lips. He quickly reaches back to coax Sanzo to raise his knees more in order to fix the angle between them, then returns his hand to Sanzo's chin while his other hand comes from behind his head to spread around his throat again.

 

Sanzo feels his own pulse jump under the pressure of Hakkai's fingers. His breath grows ragged as he twists his head against the mattress to deepen the kiss, mixing Hakkai's scent and tastes on his tongue and feeling the vibration of Hakkai's occasional moan.

 

The strength of will it took to fight his own animal instinct to live and let Hakkai squeeze the life out of him in the battle with Chin Yisou, even if only for appearance's sake, was nothing compared to the battle inside himself now against the threat of letting go and losing control. It's no great comfort to trust that Hakkai knows just how much is enough and not too much, how long to hold on, how fast to move, and how much stimulation he can stand before he reaches the edge. It's no good at all to know that Hakkai always finds a way to break through his control. It only means that Hakkai knows him better than he knows himself.

 

He finds this out again every time, when the rush of blood and the lack of oxygen in his brain, the flood of lust, take over. Sanzo's vision goes white and then black, and he hears himself roaring into Hakkai's mouth, or against his cheek or his shoulder. Every time he finds, when his mind clears, that at the end, before he could stop himself, he's wrapped his arms around Hakkai, twisted his fingers in Hakkai's hair, and dug his nails into Hakkai's shoulder.

 

It's certainly no triumph of will to lie there still and quiet in the next few moments, feeling damp and limp-boned after his orgasm, while he feels Hakkai's gasping, desperate loss of control. Sanzo listens to Hakkai's soft voice moaning helplessly as he comes with far less detachment than he cares to admit. Something that feels like triumph seeps through him, but since he was the one who lost control first, he supposes it's really just the satisfaction of knowing he made his lover feel so good.

 

He trusted Hakkai to know exactly how long to hold on, and when to let go and let breath and blood flow come rushing back. With the same precision, Hakkai seems to know exactly how long it's safe to lie next to Sanzo afterward, before the limb-melting flush of pleasure passes. He always pulls away just before Sanzo is completely awake to the fact of being so gently and lovingly caressed... before he has a chance to think about it and roll over to put his back to it, or refuse it - violently - and before he's forced to decide to let Hakkai's hands remain touching him for longer than lust alone would explain.

 

It's no triumph of will that he does not reach over and pull Hakkai back.

 

~~ end for now ~~