Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Metamorphosis ❯ Chapter Two: Moonlight ( Chapter 2 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

CHAPTER TWO: Moonlight

"You have a beautiful face. Very lovely."

Fingers on his chin lifted his head. The glare of the white room lights made it difficult for him to see the features of the man who was holding him. He wanted to see the man's face badly. Already, he could feel his blood boiling at the indignity of having another man touch him in such an intimate manner.

"I've heard rumors about you and he," the voice murmured insidiously. "Is it true that you, who are of higher rank, play wife to him in the darkness of his chambers?"

Instinctively, he struck out at the man who was holding him, only to have something hit him at the back of the head. To his shock, he just found himself helplessly pinned to the floor, unable to move. Even when the man straddled him, he could not move a muscle.

Laughing wickedly, the man slowly leaned down upon him. "Tormenting you would be most enjoyable, Tenpou Gensui."

"NOOOO!"

Hakkai sat bolt upright from his bed, his whole body drenched in sweat. Remembering the sound of clothes tearing, he unconsciously yanked the blanket to his chest.

"Sanzo..." he turned to the figure lying on the other bed and stopped before he could say more, seeing Goku curled up in a ball under the rumpled sheets.

"I forgot," Hakkai mumbled sadly to himself.

Through long months of travel, he and the priest had always been roommates. With Sanzo gone, things were different now, like a part of him was missing.

Despite his reticent personality, Hakkai could always count on Sanzo to chase his nightmares away -- horrible visions of the past, of Kanan.

"You can never rid yourself of the past," the monk always told him. "All you can do is look forward and forge ahead."

But how could he apply that logic to the dreams he was having now? Since they left Houtou Castle, almost every night, he's been having that same nightmare -- of that man whose face he could never see, the feel of fingers on his chin and, later, being trapped under a hardened body. And that name....

Tenpou Gensui. The same name that Homura and his men had called him.

Who the hell is Tenpou Gensui? Hakkai thought in confusion as he stared down at his hands, as if he could find the answer in the lines creasing his palms. What does he have to do with me?

Seeing that he wasn't going to get anymore sleep, he padded out onto the verandah. Staring up at the night sky, he tilted his head back, letting the silvery light of the moon caress his face.

"Couldn't sleep?" a timid voice suddenly inquired. It was Yaone.

Scratching her head sheepishly, Hakkai nodded, not knowing what to say.

"For the past few days, I've been hearing you crying out in your sleep. Nightmares?"

Hakkai blushed in embarrassment. "Sumimasen, Yaone-san. I didn't mean to disturb your sleep."

"There's nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who's ashamed that I couldn't wake you up from your nightmares. I was hoping that your friends awakened you."

"Gojyo has decided to room in with Dokugakuji. I think it's a good idea for them to rekindle old ties. As for Goku and Hakuryu, they sleep like logs."

"Which leaves Sanzo-sama, but he's not...."

Hakkai did not answer as he leaned sorrowfully over the railing.

Yaone went towards him and gently patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, Hakkai-san. We'll be able to free them. You'll see."

"You sound so optimistic."

"I have to be. If I don't hope..."

"There is only despair. Yes, I know. But sometimes you can't help but feel lost, hopeless." Hakkai stared helplessly at his hands. "Here I am, trying to act like a leader, but even I don't have a clue as to where we're going to start, where we're heading. I'm not the decisive leader that Sanzo is. Then, these nightmares... They make me feel as if I'm leading us on a path to our own destruction. So many things could go wrong."

"What does Sanzo-sama tell you whenever you feel like this?"

"To always look forward and never look back. But I can't help not looking back. It's been twenty days already that we've been on the road, but I can't help thinking about him."

"I know how you feel," Yaone admitted. "I find myself thinking about Li-chan and Kougaiji-sama very often. My master may seem so strong, but he's not. You have no idea of the kind of suffering he had to endure these past months."

"Sanzo's the same way. I know how difficult it has been for him. Then again, we've all had to deal with our personal demons during this trip."

"Sometimes, I find it strange why four very headstrong and extremely opposite individuals could function as a unit so well."

"Gojyo put it best. For some strange reason, we're stuck together. Like we're fatally bonded in some way. But with Sanzo gone, I'm afraid that everything will just fall apart."

"If the bond between you is as strong as you say, you have nothing to worry about. You just have to hang on. We all have to...for their sake."

Hakkai breathed in deeply. "I suppose you're right." Looking at the pretty youkai, he said, "We've delayed talking about this long enough. You must tell us why you've been trying to stop Gyokumen Koushu from reviving Gyumao. Perhaps the key to destroying the Demon King is in this information you have found."

Yaone, however, shook her head. "No, nothing's written in Dr. Ni's documents about how to kill Gyumao. Just the status of his healing. Even if there was such data, I wouldn't share it with you. Gyumao has been described to be the most evil youkai in the world, but I do not believe it to be so. There are so many things that we don't know about the past. Hakkai-san, all I ask is that we probe deeper into matters before we act. We don't want to make mistakes that we all would regret in the long run."

Hakkai could not help but admire Yaone's perceptiveness. Even he couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. Many times during their journey, they encountered formidable foes who turned out to be hapless victims. They all regretted the harsh action they had taken. Now, were they about to fall in that same trap again?

"Hakkai?" a soft voice interrupted them.

Whirling, they saw Goku standing at the porch doorway, hugging a huge pillow.

"Sumimasen, Goku-chan!" Yaone greeted him cheerfully. "We didn't mean to wake you up."

When Goku lifted his head, it was then that they saw the tears leaking from his golden eyes.

"Goku, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Hakkai asked gently. During the past few days, Goku was plagued by restless sleep. Many times, he would find the boy sitting on the bed, staring at him, but before he could ask what was troubling him, Goku would plop right back down on the bed.

"Can we go back, Hakkai? To the castle, I mean," Goku queried insistently. "I...I miss Sanzo so much."

Hakkai went towards the boy and knelt down before him. "We all miss him, Goku. Things are not the same without him."

"But I want to tell him I'm sorry for not believing in him, that I should never have judged him wrong. I...I want him to hit me on the head with his fan and tell me what a baka I am." In frustration, Goku cried, "I want things to be back to normal!"

"But they're not. Sanzo isn't here."

Goku hugged his pillow tightly. "He was like the sun to me. For the five hundred years that I was imprisoned, I longed to be free, to feel the sun on my face. When Sanzo came, it was like the sun had come down from heaven to save me. His touch...it was golden warmth upon my face and my entire being, bringing me back to life again." A moment of silence. Then, he quietly continued, "I never understood how someone who could make me feel so good, so complete, could also be so mean, so cold-hearted. Sanzo was right in that I almost chose Homura over him. And when he said those terrible things... Hakkai, I knew you were disappointed in me. But could you blame me for feeling that way? It hurt, Hakkai. It hurt right here, and..." Goku gestured helplessly to his heart.

Hakkai nodded in understanding. While it was true that he had been upset with Gojyo and Goku for the way they had doubted the priest, he was also just as angry with Sanzo for using that approach to get rid of them. He knew what his motives were. But Gojyo and Goku were emotionally vulnerable. Neither of them could handle rejection, especially if it were as cruel as what Sanzo had done.

"Hakkai...when we save Sanzo, can I tell him I'm sorry," Goku began in hesitation. "Can...can I tell him that, despite what happened, that I really love him?"

Watching them, Yaone saw a subtle change come over Hakkai. A blush on his cheeks, the unmistakable shine in his green eyes, the way his gentle lips parted... There wasn't any doubt in her mind that the kind youth was deeply in love with the priest. And judging from Goku's reaction, it was obvious that the boy felt the same way.

Giving the youkai a sweet smile, Hakkai said, "Arigato, Yaone-san, for your kind ear. I must put Goku back to bed."

"Hai," she said reassuringly. "Good night!"

As she walked back to her room, Yaone heard Goku ask once more, "Can I tell Sanzo I love him, Hakkai?"

Hakkai's reply was, "We'll all tell him that."

"Including Gojyo?"

"Hai! Including Gojyo."

Somehow, Yaone harbored doubts about the feelings of that scandalous dandy. But if the strong bond that Hakkai told her about truly existed between them, it was highly likely that Gojyo shared their feelings about the priest.

Pausing to gaze at the moon one last time, Yaone arrived at the same decision that her new friends had. She swore that she would reveal to Kougaiji how much she loved him. Although things may seem bleak at present, she knew this was something she could look forward to at year's end.

---

Gojyo all but stumbled into the room he shared with his older brother, a bottle of wine held by its neck in his right hand.

"The whore not to your liking, otouto?" Dokugakuji asked from his sitting position on the bed.

"I've had much worse," Gojyo replied as he plopped down on a chair, carefully laying the wine bottle on the table top.

"From the looks of you, you didn't seem to get very far," observed Dokugakuji in amusement.

"Urusai!" Gojyo groaned half-heartedly at his older brother, cupping his head. In truth, he didn't get anywhere at all with the chambermaid in question, for the simple reason that someone else had intruded into his thoughts, someone he found more appealing than the whore. However, he certainly had no intention of admitting this fact to Dokugakuji.

Unfortunately, his brother was determined to discover the cause of his sudden lack of manly prowess. Getting out of bed, Dokugakuji grabbed a couple of glasses and pulled up a chair. Distributing the glasses between them, he then picked up the wine bottle and filled both glasses to the brim. For awhile, they drank in companionable silence, until they were both so drunk that their cheeks were the color of piles.

"So, Gojyo," Dokugakuji slurred at the younger man. "Why couldn't you get it up?"

"That's none of your damned business!" Goyjo hiccuped back, his eyes narrowing into menacing slits.

With a conspiratorial wink, the youkai muttered to his half-breed brother, "Let me guess! It's Sanzo-sama, isn't it?"

Hearing this, Goyjo sputtered in his drink. Standing, he raged, "That's the most preposterous thing I have ever heard!"

"Is that so? Then how come, for the past few nights, when you've been jerking off, you always moan out Sanzo's name, and quite passionately, if I might add."

Gojyo's jaw dropped. Like a petulant child caught doing a most unpardonable sin, he sat back down, staring sulkily at the bottom of his glass.

"I don't understand myself," he mumbled dejectedly.

"Why do you say that?"

"Why do I always look for love from people whom I know are incapable of giving it? I should have learned my lesson with Kaasan. Now, here I am, making that same mistake again."

"So Sanzo-sama is what's bothering you."

"You've seen the man. How could a handsome, happy-go-lucky guy like me fall for a stuck-up, iceberg of a priest like Genjo Sanzo?" Gojyo shrugged, pouting. "I must admit I also have these same inexplicable cravings for Hakkai, but it's not as intense as my feelings for Sanzo. Things weren't this bad when he was around. To be honest, I've had the urge to kill him whenever he bopped me on the head with that damned fan of his, and especially when he said those...things...before we...."

"I suppose you never realize how much you love someone until they're gone," Dokugakuji said thoughtfully.

The half-breed stood up and went towards the window to gaze at the moon. "I never imagined I would think of Sanzo in this way. He's a very difficult man to understand, more so to love. That first time we met, you know what he said? He would rather die than be on a trip with the three of us. While we were on the road, do you know that he never called us his 'friends'? We were always his servants, his followers. He always insisted that he didn't want to have us along. You should have seen the number of times, he had driven Goku to tears, and the saru worshipped the very ground he walked on. There are times when I hated him so much for that fucked up attitude of his. But sometimes, I get the urge to take him in my arms and kiss him until the ice melts."

"And now you're regretting that you never acted on impulse."

"In a way, I do. After what happened with Kaasan, I just couldn't trust Sanzo enough to hand him the whole of my heart because I know he would reject me the same way she had. Then, when he drove us away, it only confirmed my fears. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. Still, I never knew that it could hurt so much." Gojyo looked his brother straight in the eye. "Oniisan, I don't want to get hurt again."

Dokugakuji breathed in deeply. He then approached his brother, standing at his left side. "I know how you feel, Gojyo. I've experienced the same thing, more or less, with Kougaiji."

Gojyo stared at his older brother in surprise. "You're in love with Kougaiji?"

"If you knew Kou for as long as I have, you'll learn that it's not hard to fall in love with him. In a way, he's just like Genjo Sanzo. Kou has his own hurts which he does not wish to share with anyone. He would rather solve his problems on his own than let others be involved." Dokugakuji grinned. "But of course, Yaone, Lirin and I couldn't allow that. Besides, every time he acted on his own, it backfired severely. You saw what happened to him when he merged with that summoned evil to battle Homura."

Gojyo had not forgotten that day. If it hadn't been for Sanzo, and his incredible claims of having heard Kougaiji's soul crying out to him, the youkai prince would've been lost forever. They have often wondered what drove Kougaiji to do such a desperate act.

"That wasn't the only stupid thing that he did," Dokugakuji continued. "This last time, we thought we had lost him. We were able to save him eventually, but Kou was changed by what had happened to him. Perhaps, his spirit even broken by what he was forced to go through."

The youkai waited for his brother to ask what had happened. To his relief, no question came. Gojyo was never known to pry into the personal affairs of others.

"It was after we had freed Kou," continued Dokugakuji. "We had taken him to his chamber to rest and to heal. Yaone and Lirin, distraught as they were, were in no condition to watch over him, so I volunteered. It turned out to be a very long night and, to stay awake, I found myself drinking more than I should. You know how wine has a way of loosening up a man's inhibition. Needless to say, when I looked at Kou sleeping on the bed, his face so beautiful in the candlelight, I...I just couldn't stop myself."

Gojyo stared at his brother aghast. "Don't tell me you...."

"Of course not!" Dokugakuji blurted out defensively. "I have too much respect for Kou to do what you're thinking."

"So what did you do?"

"I...I..."

"Well? I'm waiting!" Gojyo said impatiently.

Now that he had piqued his younger brother's curiosity, Dokugakuji was trapped. He had to tell Gojyo everything.

Blushing a deep scarlet, he revealed, "I took Kou into my arms and I kissed him deeply and passionately. He tasted so damned good and sweet, I didn't want to stop. It took considerable on my part to control my urges and to lay him back down on the sheets."

"And he didn't wake up?"

"No, not like in the fairy tale. In fact, he didn't wake up until noon of the following day."

"So he never knew what you did."

Dokugakuji laughed uncomfortably at the memory that remark evoked. "Actually, we come to the surprising part of my story. It was four days after Kougaiji was well enough to get out of bed. I was reluctant to be alone with him anywhere in the castle. I just didn't trust myself to behave when he's near. But circumstances found the two of us meeting in one place...alone."

Dokugakuji was strolling down the dark corridor, heading back to his chamber to write some security reports, when he saw Kougaiji emerge from the room where his mother was imprisoned. To his dismay, the youkai prince turned his way, walking silently with head slightly bowed. He thought the young demon would simply ignore him and walk past him.

So when they were close, practically face to face, great was his surprise when graceful arms were flung around his neck and soft lips pressed against his mouth. So sudden was that kiss that Dokugakuji could not breathe. When the kiss came to a reluctant end, Dokugakuji found himself staring into Kougaiji's gentle eyes, his lush lips flushed from that tender pressure of their mouths.

Releasing his stunned friend, Kou bowed to him graciously and said, "Arigato gozaimasu, Dokugaku." Without saying another word, the youkai prince walked away.

"He knew what you did!" Gojyo exclaimed in surprise.

"And I was thankful that he knew and that things haven't changed between us because of it," said Dokugakuji, smiling.

Gojyo thought for a long moment. "Are you saying that I should be honest with Sanzo? That I should tell him how I feel?"

"I believe you should, once we get back and save them. You have hurt him, otouto, with the things you said."

"What if he puts a bullet through my head?"

"That's the risk you're going to have to take." Dokugakuji grinned mischievously at his younger brother. "Look at it this way. Even if Sanzo does spurn you, you could always try to make a move on Hakkai."

Gojyo couldn't help but smile at the thought of his friend sleeping in the room upstairs with the saru. This thought was suddenly replaced by a flash of distant memory -- of him lying underneath a sakura tree with a beautiful young man in his arms, making passionate love, while cherry blossoms fell upon their joined bodies.

His lover had called out a name as they reached the peak. It was his name from a different time.

"Kenren..."

"Whoa there, little brother!"

Gojyo opened startled eyes to find Dokugakuji peering down at him. "What happened?" he asked. He frowned, seeing himself lying on the floor.

"You're a lot drunker than I thought," his older brother mused. "I'd better get you in bed."

Gojyo didn't broach any arguments, meekly allowing Dokugakuji to carry him and settle him under the blankets.

"Good night, otouto!" the youkai patted him reassuringly. "And be a good boy! None of that funny stuff tonight."

Groaning, Gojyo exclaimed, "My cock is drunk. I couldn't get it to go up even if I wanted it to."

"Which is just as well." Dokugakuji then went to his own bed and settled down under the covers.

Slumber, however, was slow to come to the half-breed, who mulled over the conversation he had with his brother. When the wine's effects at last took its toll upon him, Gojyo drifted off into sleep and unremembered dreams of Genjo Sanzo, Cho Hakkai and a lovely young man named Tenpou Gensui.