Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Saiyuki Serial: Beautifully Broken Evolution ❯ 15 Points Of View ( Chapter 15 )

Author's Note: None of the lovelies of Saiyuki belong to me and all rights apply to the fantastic creators who do own them. I don't make anything off this but satisfying my own perverted desires.

 

~ indicates POV

 

Self-beta job. All fuck-ups are mine alone.

Thanks to those who lent me a hand with this.

 

 

15 Points Of View

 

~Hakkai~

 

I woke up before the dawn.

 

The rain had finally stopped and the quiet was welcoming. I was pressed against Gojyo's back, my arm around his waist. His long hair tickled my nose and smelled of spring rain. Oddly, while I loathed the rain, I liked the clean fresh scent of Gojyo's hair. I think I associated that scent with comfort and home. I stayed where I was, letting the soothing warmth of Gojyo seep into me. I was going to get up and leave shortly but I wanted to delay it as long as possible.

 

I heard somebody snore softly and peered over Gojyo's shoulder. Sanzo was sprawled on his back taking up more of the bed than should have been physically possible. Gojyo was lying partially on top of Sanzo, his arm across the monk's chest and curled around his shoulder as if preventing Sanzo from leaving. One of Sanzo's hands was tangled in Gojyo's hair holding him in place. The emotion in that unconscious pose made my heart ache in a good way for them. If they worked past this bump in the road, they could have such joy with each other.

 

I wanted that for them.

 

I sighed softly. My time sharing the warmth and contentment of Gojyo was past. I didn't regret what we'd done. I was content that I'd gotten to share a little joy with Gojyo and Sanzo. I didn't think I'd ever get to experience something like what happened between us again, though. If all went well, Sanzo and Gojyo would start to repair their fractured relationship and despite what happened the night before, Sanzo didn't share. I understood that. If I held Gojyo's heart like Sanzo did, I wouldn't want to share either. I'd be a greedy bastard and keep him all to myself.

 

Gojyo mumbled something in his sleep and I slowly sat up, hoping I wouldn't wake either one of them up. Gojyo told Sanzo they needed to talk and I believed that. If Sanzo just went back to ignoring Gojyo after this… I think I really would beat the high and mighty snot out of him. I didn't think Sanzo would though. There had been something in his body language and a world of feelings in his eyes last night. He wasn't ready to admit to any deep feelings for Gojyo but I think he could finally admit to needing Gojyo. With Sanzo, small steps were about all you could count on if he decided to budge in the first place.

 

I ran a hand down Gojyo's side and placed a kiss on his temple. I eased from the bed and retrieved my clothes from the drawer of the night stand. As I dressed, I ran the events of the night through my mind once again. The sex had been fantastic but it was the song in my head that fascinated me. Gojyo said he sang a song for Sanzo and that it was only for him. I assumed what I'd been treated to last night was something different given the reaction Gojyo had when I'd asked to hear the song he sang for Sanzo. It was still beautiful and I thought it would probably haunt me for a long time.

 

I knew there was more to Gojyo than just the face he presented to almost everybody. The song only confirmed it. So much emotion packed into something so deceptively simple. Love, caring, trust, desire and a level of lust that put to shame anything I'd ever experienced was in the song I'd heard last night. I wondered just what Gojyo could do with his demon song if he put his mind to it. I was also curious just what was in the song he sung to Sanzo.

 

I doubted I'd ever know that.

 

I was just pushing the last button through the hole of my shirt when I felt eyes on me. I looked to the bed to find Sanzo watching me through the tousled strands of his hair. Gojyo remained asleep with his head pillowed on Sanzo's chest. The monk stared at me for several seconds with cold, narrowed eyes. A faint tinge of pink coloured his cheeks. I understood perfectly what he was saying without him uttering a single word.

 

Holding Sanzo's eyes, I placed my palms flat against my thighs before bowing deeply from the hips, my back perfectly straight. I straightened and left the room quietly. I didn't want to wake Gojyo. He'd understand why I'd left. He'd probably appreciate not having an audience for his talk with Sanzo.

 

 

~Sanzo~

 

Something woke me up from the peaceful sleep I'd been enjoying. I opened my eyes to see Hakkai, in profile, doing up the last button on his shirt. The memory of what I'd allowed and done the previous night was sharp in my mind. I felt a faint blush give warmth to my cheeks. I stared at Hakkai until he turned and looked at me. He had given me his word he'd say nothing about what happened between the three of us last night and I believed that. Hakkai was a man of honour. He wouldn't break a solemn vow. I just wanted him to know that I was going to hold him to that promise.

 

Hakkai's polite, blank mask was guarding his emotions. I couldn't tell what he was thinking or feeling. He seemed to have no trouble knowing what my intense stare was about. He pressed his palms against his thighs, bowed low to me from the hips with his back ramrod straight and left the room without a word. I was satisfied with the promise implied in his actions.

 

I got the feeling that Hakkai learned more about this… whatever it was Gojyo and I shared than he should have. What was between us was private and I was a little pissed that Hakkai knew about it. In all honesty, I couldn't blame that entirely on Gojyo, although he would have made a convenient scapegoat. Hakkai was perceptive even if he rarely said shit. I'd been shocked when he'd basically chewed me out the night before. Hakkai never voiced his feelings on anything. Never. I hadn't realized how Hakkai felt about Gojyo. I knew they were very close friends but I'd never thought what that might mean.

 

Normally, I wouldn't give a flying fuck.

 

I stared at the ceiling as I played absently with the ends of Gojyo's hair. I wasn't entirely sure why I'd shared Gojyo with Hakkai. I wasn't exactly known for my sharing and giving nature. I knew I was a selfish bastard. I also knew Hakkai had just as much torment from the rain as I did. I'd probably known deep down that Gojyo likely held and comforted Hakkai when they lived together. The relationship between them… I'd never really given it much thought. It just was.

 

I remembered the way that Hakkai had looked at Gojyo last night and the fact that he didn't deny that he loved Gojyo when I'd pointed it out to him. Hakkai said he loved Gojyo as a friend not a lover. But, if he had sex with Gojyo, didn't that make him a friend and a lover? That thought made me unreasonably angry and I was positive that I really didn't want to poke that dark mental corner of my brain yet. I quickly switched mental gears to avoid probing something I probably shouldn't.

 

Last night was the first time I'd ever been involved with two people at once. It figured that Gojyo would be one of the two people. I'd always believed the idea was more complicated than it would be worth. I was wrong. But, no matter how good it was, I wouldn't repeat the experience. Gojyo had better not even breathe so much as a hint of wanting to do it again or I'd shoot him somewhere vital. Last night was an aberration nothing more. If Hakkai was horny, he could just find himself another partner.

 

Gojyo was taken.

 

My heart started to hammer in my chest at that sudden, possessive thought. Gojyo wasn't a thing to own. He wasn't a possession. He was a person with a will of his own. But… I wanted him. I squeezed my eyes closed. I'd come to Gojyo in a moment of weakness and look what it got me. What happened to my ideals of not owning anything and holding onto nothing and no one? What was Gojyo doing to me?

 

I muttered softly to myself. This crazy behaviour was all the damned kappa's fault. I changed my train of thought again. My brain was a mine-field of things I'd rather not examine too closely right now. I felt raw emotionally and I didn't like it. That was definitely Gojyo's fault. He seemed to make me feel that way more often than not. That was really getting on my last damn nerve. If he didn't knock it the fuck off, I'd really shoot him.

 

I needed a smoke to calm my nerves.

 

I turned my head and saw my smokes and lighter on the night stand. I reached for them and had already lit a cigarette and taken the first puff when I realized how careful I'd been not to wake Gojyo from where he'd pillowed his head on my chest. I was annoyed with myself on the one hand but glad he remained asleep on the other. I wasn't looking forward to the talk that Gojyo said we needed to have.

 

I wasn't stupid.

 

I realized I'd hurt him after the fact. I hadn't intended to do that. I hadn't intended for him to call off our… arrangement either. I liked sex with Gojyo. I liked it a hell of a lot. I enjoyed the kink he introduced me to. Even though I'd never admit it to him, I even liked it when he just held me and stroked my skin after sex. I felt like I could relax and just be myself.

 

I let my mind drift as I enjoyed the nicotine hit to my system. Faint fragments of a song drifted through my head and I frowned. Gojyo had sung his demon song last night. I hadn't thought to warn Hakkai about playing with Gojyo's antenna while fucking him. I knew Hakkai heard the song. I was pretty pissed about that. I'd shared Gojyo's body and a little kink with Hakkai because… well, just because. I didn't like sharing Gojyo's song. He'd told me I was the only one who could hear it. It was mine.

 

Hakkai's surprise and sudden naked lust had been plainly visible on his face. He wasn't expecting anything like what had happened. I'd probably reacted the same way when I'd first heard Gojyo's song. What Gojyo sung last night was different from the one I usually heard from him. It wasn't as rich and compelling. There'd been something missing from the song but I couldn't put my finger on what that was. It was still a powerful thing but not as… soul stirring as what I usually heard.

 

I gave a snort of disgust at myself. Gojyo probably had dozens of songs that he could sing. I was just used to hearing one particular one. Or maybe the effect was different because two people were being seduced by his song. Like diluting the effect or something. I wanted to be mad at Gojyo for singing but that hadn't been entirely his fault. Play with his antenna and you had a pleasure junkie on your hands.

 

I finished my smoke and found that I'd have to sit up to put it out. I nudged Gojyo only to have him tighten his embrace. I gave him a harder shove. I needed to put the damn smoke out and couldn't do it from the position I was in.

 

“Let go, Gojyo,” I said softly hoping that he'd just let me up without really waking.

 

“Mmmm, stay,” he mumbled.

 

“Whatever. Just let me up,” I replied as I eyed the smoke that was almost burned to the filter.

 

Gojyo's arm moved and I got up from the bed. He pulled the pillow I'd been using close and pressed his face into it. I butted out the smoke and stood over him, watching him sleep. A contented look was on his face. I brushed his hair back from his cheek and he sighed in pleasure. He mumbled my name and my chest suddenly felt tight with some emotion I didn't want to examine right now. I decided to leave. Gojyo wouldn't say anything if he saw me when Hakkai and Goku were standing right there. Yeah, it was a chicken shit thing to do but I'd had just about all the emotional upheaval I could deal with right now.

 

I wasn't running and hiding. It was a strategic retreat so I could regroup and shore up my defences.

 

I dressed quickly and silently. I was reaching for my smokes and about to leave when the silver foil sticking up from the pack caught my eye. I shifted my gaze between it and Gojyo for several minutes as I thought about what Hakkai had said the previous night about my just leaving and Gojyo not understanding. I wanted to continue this… relationship with Gojyo.

 

I sighed softly in defeat.

 

Yeah, it was a relationship we had. I wasn't sure where it was going or what it was exactly, but it was definitely a relationship. I tried to be mad about it. I didn't want to need anything. But Gojyo had a way of getting under my skin. Half the time he was a painful irritant. The other half of the time he was something that forced me to feel and as much as I didn't like being forced to do anything, it felt good. Not that I'd ever say anything, but I liked Gojyo and the way I felt when I was around him. At least, when he wasn't being a pain in the ass, I liked him. The rest of the time I could happily shoot him.

 

I removed the foil. I needed to leave Gojyo a message. I wanted him to know that I was willing to see where this relationship between us would lead. I looked once more at Gojyo and a feeling of rightness settled in me, startling me.

 

I started my message.

 

 

~Gojyo~

 

I woke up alone in bed.

 

The places where Hakkai and Sanzo slept felt cold to the touch. Shit. They'd both left a while ago and neither one bothered to wake me. I thought I might know why Hakkai left. He didn't want to cause a scene with Sanzo. Sanzo might be feeling some post sex regrets. He'd probably left because of that. I was still blown away by what he'd let happen last night. Never in my wildest dreams did I think Sanzo would get involved in a three-way.

 

Not that I had a single complaint about last night.

 

Something had been going on between Sanzo and Hakkai last night. It was almost like they'd been competing to see who could arouse me more. That was dumb though. Sure I loved Hakkai and I wouldn't refuse having him in my bed again. Especially with Sanzo there, too. But Hakkai knew I didn't love him like I loved Sanzo. Hakkai knew where my heart lay. Physically, they could both arouse the hell outta me. But there'd always be a little something extra in Sanzo's touch because I loved him. Hakkai had been in love before. He knew about that subtle difference. He understood.

 

It had been unbelievably erotic to have both Sanzo and Hakkai spanking my ass. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven when I had Sanzo's cock in my ass and Hakkai's dick in my mouth at the same time. I'd completely lost all control when Hakkai started to fondle my antenna while I sucked him off and Sanzo fucked me. If it hadn't felt so damn good, I'd have been embarrassed.

 

I suddenly sucked in a sharp breath when I realized what I'd done and how Sanzo would probably take it. I'd sung a demon song to both of them because of the intense pleasure forced on me from being filled at both ends and Hakkai stroking my antenna. It wasn't a special song. More like a generic, lusty pleasure one. It was nothing like the one I created and sang for Sanzo but I didn't think he'd know that. I groaned and rubbed a hand over my face. Any progress at fixing the relationship I was trying to have with the bitchy monk might have been shot to shit because I couldn't keep a lid on my own demon powers.

 

Fuck.

 

I wasn't sure why he'd allowed what he had last night. Whatever the reason, I was grateful that he'd taken the first step in coming to my room. I didn't know how much longer I could've gone just waiting for him to get his shit together before I would've forced the issue. I was still hurt and mad over the way Sanzo treated me but I loved him, too. That made it a little easier for me to forgive him. Sanzo was a broken person emotionally. Not that I was all that perfect but compared to Sanzo, I was a model of normalcy. I wanted things to work out between us. I really believed that Sanzo needed what I could give him.

 

Sanzo needed love.

 

I sat on the bed and rested my head on my bent knees. That Sanzo hadn't stuck around wasn't a good sign. I didn't know who left first. If Hakkai left first, things might not be so bad. He would have made sure that he didn't wake anybody so there wouldn't have been any kind of confrontation between him and Sanzo. If Sanzo had been the one to leave first….

 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

 

Why did he have to be so difficult? Why was I stupid enough to keep trying to coax him into a relationship with me? He'd already hurt me. I knew he'd probably end up doing it again. But I still wanted him. I still loved him. How retarded was that? Maybe this was karma biting me in the ass for my bed hopping ways.

 

I had to think positively about this.

 

Sanzo had come to my room last night. He'd needed me. He'd stayed when he didn't have too. He'd had a damn hot three-way with me and Hakkai when I would have bet every single thing I owned that something like that would never happen. He'd stayed even after the sex when he could've just left. That had to mean something, didn't it?

 

Fuck, I hated being this unsure about somebody.

 

I sat on the edge of the bed and reached for my smokes. I shook one out and had something else fall out of the pack along with the cigarette. It lay on the bed beside me, a shiny, small thing. It appeared to be an oddly folded piece of foil. I lit my smoke before carefully picking the scrap of foil up.

 

It was a butterfly.

 

I stared at the tiny creation in awe. It had been made from the foil from a pack of cigarettes. To make the intricate folds and not tear the foil must have taken patience and skill. It was beautiful. I was also guessing I was meant to find it. The butterfly had been in my cigarette pack after all. But who left it for me to find?

 

Hakkai probably knew how to make origami things. He knew how to do all kinds of stuff that wasn't practical and was meant to just be pretty. He could do some of the most beautiful calligraphy that I'd ever seen. Stuff that put the work of the monks in a temple to shame. But why would he leave me an origami butterfly?

 

Sanzo might be able to do origami. His old master, Koumyou, used to fold paper airplanes. He might have taught Sanzo how to make other things. I had a bit of a hard time picturing Sanzo patiently folding paper to create something like the little butterfly that rested in the palm of my hand, but it was possible. I still came up with the same question though. Why would Sanzo leave me an origami butterfly?

 

I finished my smoke while staring at the butterfly. This was gonna bug the shit outta me. I couldn't ask Hakkai if he made it. If it hadn't been him, I doubted Sanzo would want Hakkai knowing about him leaving this for me. I'm sure that, to Sanzo, it was bad enough that Hakkai knew we were sleeping together. Sanzo might go ballistic if someone knew he'd left me a little treasure. The butterfly was left in my cigarette pack, not out in the open so I was pretty sure I was the only one who was supposed to see it. I couldn't ask Sanzo. If it hadn't been him, he'd be pissed that Hakkai was leaving me little presents. Hakkai and I would both be lucky not to get shot if that was the case. And it would shoot to hell any hope I had of having a relationship with Sanzo.

 

I frowned as I tucked the delicate butterfly back into my cigarette pack. I was going to have to find a better place to keep it where it wouldn't get crushed. Sooner or later one of them would say something that would clue me into who made it and left it for me. I snorted at myself. Yeah, right. Hakkai wouldn't say shit if his mouth was full of it and Sanzo would rather cut off his hand than admit he left me a gift.

 

`Cause this was a gift.

 

Things like this weren't just made for the hell of it and then put somewhere just anyone would find it. I was supposed to find the butterfly and because both of them were gone, I think I was supposed to be alone when I did. Whether that was so whoever left it for me wouldn't get thanked or if they didn't want to know if I just crumpled it up and threw it away, I didn't know. I stood and got dressed.

 

I still needed to have a talk with Sanzo about where we were going to go from here.

 

~Goku~

 

I watched Gojyo, Hakkai and Sanzo during breakfast. Yeah, it looked like I was shovelling my face full… and I was, but I didn't need to watch my food to get it into my mouth. Something was different between them. They weren't like before but it didn't feel like a fight was waiting to happen either.

 

I was confused.

 

Rain was never a fun time for Sanzo or Hakkai. Even after the rain stopped they would both be a little depressed for another half a day. Sanzo should have been picking at his food before pushing his plate at me to finish off. Hakkai should have just ordered a tea and spent the whole time staring off into space. I was supposed to get what they didn't eat of both their breakfasts, damn it!

 

I was happy that they seemed to be back to normal, sort of. Gojyo couldn't seem to sit still and he kept looking at Sanzo like he wanted to say something. Sanzo was pretending not to notice. Hakkai just ate his breakfast and drank his tea like the last two weeks never happened. Something happened last night and they all knew about it and I didn't. They were keeping secrets from me when they all knew I hated that. I banged my cup down on the table.

 

“What happened last night between you guys?” I asked.

 

Gojyo looked surprised and nervous. Hakkai blushed and looked down into his tea cup. Sanzo's hand started to slide his fan out of his sleeve as he scowled at me. Not one of them said anything.

 

“Something happened. You don't want to kill each other anymore. I wanna know. It's not fair that you guys are keeping secrets from me.”

 

“Nothing happened last night. Eat your breakfast. We aren't stopping again until lunch time,” Sanzo said with a frown as he looked at both Gojyo and Hakkai.

 

“Something did happen. I'm not stupid, you know. I know about…” I started before Gojyo slapped a hand over my mouth and dragged me away from the table.

 

“We'll go get the jeep packed up while you pay the bill, Sanzo,” Gojyo called over his shoulder. He let me go once we were outside.

 

“Were you trying to get our asses blown off, you dumb monkey?” Gojyo hissed at me as he pushed me into the wall of the inn.

 

“I'm not a dumb monkey, you stupid cockroach. Something happened last night between you guys and I wanna know what. It's not fair that I'm the only guy who doesn't know what's going on,” I said as I shoved Gojyo away from me.

 

“You wouldn't understand,” Gojyo said as he dragged a hand through his hair.

 

“This is about Sanzo and you, isn't it? Did Hakkai tell you guys to kiss and make up or whatever? Sanzo's not so…”

 

Gojyo's eyes went wide and his mouth opened in shock. He looked quickly to the door of the inn before dragging me around the corner of the building. He braced his hands on either side of my head and leaned over me.

 

“Spill it, monkey,” Gojyo growled.

 

“I saw you and Sanzo once in the woods. You guys were… you know… doing it. I don't care that you guys… uh… sleep together. Sanzo was happy for a while. You were happy too.”

 

Gojyo closed his eyes and he gave a short laugh. I wasn't sure what he thought was funny. I was trying to be serious here.

 

“Don't ever tell Sanzo that you saw us… doing it.”

 

“But Hakkai knows and Sanzo knows Hakkai knows,” I protested.

 

Gojyo opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, looking like a landed fish. He mumbled something under his breath and ran a hand through his hair. He finally took out his cigarettes and pulled one from the pack. He got a funny little smile on his face when he did that and I wondered what was going on with all my friends.

 

“Unless you want to get your ass shot off, keep your damn mouth shut. You know Sanzo would shoot first and maybe think about not doing that later.”

 

“But are you guys… better? Is everybody going to go back to being mad or are we all going to get along?”

 

“I'm trying to get along and make Sanzo happy. But it's Sanzo we're talking about so help me out a little here and keep the information you know about him and me to yourself, okay?”

 

I nodded at Gojyo. I could do that. I wanted Sanzo to be happy. How hard could it be to not say something?