Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Tainted Love ❯ Chapter Two ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter Two

"Oi, Hakkai!" Sanzo called out, with a sinister arching of one eyebrow, as he fired a bullet at the last remaining youkai who dared to charge at him.

Hakkai was flexing his aching left shoulder, as he answered with a good-natured, "Hai?"

"Would you mind telling me who exactly you're supposed to be protecting?"

"Why, you of course, Sanzo! Why do you ask?"

"If that is the case," Sanzo began with a baleful glower, "would you mind telling me how five youkai managed to get close to me, youkai you were supposed to be keeping at bay? But you let them get past you. No, correction. You deliberately left your defensive position to protect HIM!"

With a wide sweep of his arm, the monk pointed angrily to a startled Gojyo.

Nonplused, Hakkai explained, "A youkai was about to attack Gojyo from behind. I didn't want a repeat of the last time, so I went to his defense. It's not as if you needed me. You had Goku watching your back after all."

"I didn't need any help," Gojyo said in clear irritation. "I had that youkai covered."

Goku, who was listening to their exchange, with his nyoibou propped on his right shoulder, quickly countered, "I don't think so. We've been in five ambushes over the past two weeks, and you seemed distracted most of the time."

"What do you know, kono bakazaru?!" the redhead snapped back.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?!"

Gojyo ignored the angry boy and looked firmly at Sanzo. "It's not going to happen again. I promise you that." Saying this, the half-breed marched off, not even giving Hakkai a glance.

With a slight nod, Sanzo motioned for Goku to follow the obviously disturbed older man. As the saru hurried after Gojyo, Hakkai was about to do the same, if Sanzo hadn't seized his wrist.

"I want to talk to you, Hakkai," Sanzo said solemnly.

~~~~~~~~~~~

With an angry click of his lighter, Gojyo lit a cigarette, just as Goku crept up behind him.

"I'm not in the mood to quarrel with you, bakazaru," he warned, not hiding his annoyance as he sat down on a tree stump.

"Why would I want to do that, kono ero kappa?" Goku asked innocently, plopping down at the redhead's feet.

For a long time, none of them spoke. They merely stared out into space, lost in troubled thought.

Goku's mouth popped open, and Gojyo snapped, "What?", before a single word could be spoken by the saru.

Now irritated, Goku retorted, "That's supposed to be my line!"

Heaving a sigh, Gojyo wearily said, "Just leave me alone and mind your own business."

"I can't!" Then unexpectedly, Goku revealed, "I…uh…I wanted to know why you're sad."

The half-breed looked at the boy at his feet in surprise. "Why…why are you asking me this, Goku?"

"I've noticed that you've not been your usual self lately," Goku admitted, rather hesitantly. "It's like you've always got something on your mind that's bothering you a lot." An embarrassed blush went up the boy's cheeks. "You're right. It's really none of my business. I'm just a kid after all. What do I know?"

Gojyo leaned forward, laying his arms on his lap, cigarette held between two fingers. "Can I trust you to keep a secret? I don't want anybody to know, not even Sanzo."

Goku placed his right hand over his heart and raised his left hand. "I swear I won't tell anyone."

The half-breed still held doubts about the saru's sincerity. But in the end, he decided to trust him.

"There's someone whom I…love…very much," Gojyo hesitantly confided. "And I found out that this…person…loves me very deeply as well."

"I don't see what the problem is."

"Goku, I have this secret. A terrible secret. It's something that I thought I'd long buried, but…it suddenly came back to haunt me." The redhead pressed his forehead to his clasped hands. "If I should…accept…this person's love, what if my secret becomes known? It will disappoint and, maybe even anger, this person. I'm so terrified of what might happen, but I do want to say, 'Yes! I do love you and I accept your love!' I don't want to lose this last chance at happiness."

Gojyo didn't expect a decent answer from the saru. As he had said earlier, he was just a kid after all.

But after several minutes, Goku breathed in deeply and began to speak. "We all have secrets, Gojyo. But you know? I really envy you, because these secrets are rooted in distant memories. I have no memories of my life before I met all of you, but something inside me is telling me that I did something so horrible that warranted my being locked up inside a cell on a lonely mountaintop for 500 years. I'd give anything to have those memories back, terrible though they may be."

"Wouldn't it be better this way, to have those memories forgotten? You have no idea how heavy a burden it is to have dark secrets."

"I think I know, but I look at secrets this way. If someone says he or she loves me, then that person should love me for who I am, and that includes even my deepest, darkest secrets. It's not love if there is no acceptance of my flaws."

Gojyo shook his head. "I wish it could be that simple."

A thoughtful smile formed on Goku's lips. "I'm sure you know that I love Sanzo."

The half-breed looked at the boy in surprise. He never expected to hear this obvious truth from Goku himself. Nodding, he said, "Yes, I know. But I'm not really sure that Sanzo will reciprocate your affections."

"Oh, but I do know that Sanzo loves me, and you can mark my words on that."

"How can you be so sure? I've seen how badly Sanzo treats you sometimes."

"Gojyo…" It was Goku's turn to hesitate. Continuing, he said, "I may have lost my memories, but do you think that Sanzo doesn't know the reason for my long imprisonment? He's a lot smarter and wiser than people give him credit for. Believe me, he KNOWS exactly what crime I had committed. And yet, he keeps me close to him – protecting me, keeping me safe and sane. He could've kept me locked up in that mountain. Most importantly, up to now, he still hasn't told me why I was imprisoned, again probably to protect me from the ugly truth. I'm sure he'll tell me when I'm ready. When that happens, I'll tell him how I feel about him."

Goku gazed up at the redhead, golden eyes twinkling. "I'm not that good with words, Gojyo. But you can probably see what I'm driving at."

"I'm afraid, Goku. So terribly afraid that if the truth is known, that I would be rejected." Gojyo's voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. "I don't think I'm strong enough to handle a broken heart."

"So like a craven coward, you'll hide your true feelings and make yourself absolutely miserable with pain that hurts just as a bad as a broken heart." Irritated, Goku leaped to his feet and gave the half-breed a fierce wallop on the head.

"Owwwww!" Gojyo cried out, clutching his aching head. "Why'd you do that for?"

But the boy snapped back, "Baka! Stop working yourself up over what can or cannot be. If you truly love this person, say 'YES!' and fight for that love. Or else, you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

Gojyo blinked at the saru in surprise. Never had he heard Goku speak with such passion before. It was even enough to spark a flicker of hope inside his heart.

Grabbing the half-breed's hand, Goku urged, "Let's go, ero kappa! All this talking has made me hungry."

The redhead allowed himself to be led by that gregarious boy. Indeed, Goku was growing up right before his eyes. Smiling, he yelled, "Slow down, bakazaru, or you'll tear my arm off!"

~~~~~~~~~~

"Hakkai… Do you know what you're doing?"

Hakkai spun around to gaze at Sanzo who was sitting on a boulder, blowing out smoke rings. Through narrowed green eyes, he asked warily, "Do you disapprove?"

"Not really." Sanzo's brow rose critically. "But if it's affecting individual performance and group morale, I make it my business."

A grimace formed on Hakkai's lips. It's just like Sanzo to comment on their ability, or lack thereof, to protect him. The selfish monk was obviously only concerned about his own hide.

"You're making Gojyo nervous…" Sanzo continued. "…And unhappy. Ever since that youkai snatched him away, something been troubling him. It's grown worse ever since you…"

"What would you have me do then?" Hakkai exclaimed, angry that the monk would even dare to intrude into his personal affairs. "Would you have me continue to hide what I feel for him? I cannot be a hypocrite and go on pretending that he is nothing more than a friend to me."

"I'm not saying that. From what I've observed, it's obvious that Gojyo has feelings for you as well. The problem is I don't think he's ready to reciprocate. Something's holding him back, and you're not helping any by rushing things when he's not ready." A rare smile quirked up the corners of Sanzo's lips. "Hakkai, I've known you to be a very patient man, but when you're in love, you turn into a fool."

Hakkai couldn't help but smile as well. "So, Sanzo-sama, what do you suggest I do then?"

"Can't you give him time to sort out his feelings? I also think that you should give yourselves even more time to get know each other better."

"I haven't kept any secrets from him. Gojyo knows everything there is to know about me."

"What about you? Can you say the same about him? On the outside, Gojyo may seem shallow, frivolous, but it's a convenient front for someone whose pain runs deep."

Hakkai couldn't speak for a moment. Those first three months that he and Gojyo lived together, it had taken a lot of gentle persuasion on his part to convince the half-breed to reveal his painful childhood to him. Just when he thought he knew everything about him, Gojyo's old friend showed up and briefly created havoc in their lives. Hakkai suspected that Banri may have been Gojyo's lover. The redhead, however, answered in the negative with a fury that he never expected.

"We were never lovers!" Gojyo exclaimed angrily. "I would rather die than lie with another man! I can't believe that you would even dare to suggest such a thing!"

It was those words, more than anything else, which deterred Hakkai from pursuing his affections for Gojyo. But now…

"I love him, Sanzo," Hakkai said firmly. "Nothing's going to change how I feel for him."

"For both your sakes," Sanzo began thoughtfully, "I hope this is true."

With a tilt of his head, Hakkai gave the monk a suspicious glance. "It's not like you to give advice to the lovelorn."

Sanzo stood up and turned his back to the younger man. Snorting, he declared, "Did you think I was doing this for you lovesick fools? I simply want things to go back to normal, so that you can do your REAL job of watching my head. Damn it! Those last few fights, youkai got too close to me that I could tell which ones had halitosis."

As Sanzo walked away, Hakkai slapped an exasperated hand to his brow and shook his head, a grin forming on his lips. "Why am I now surprised that that would be your answer?"

Before the monk disappeared into the trees, he gave one last piece of advice that stunned Hakkai.

"Seize the moment when it comes, Hakkai," Sanzo said firmly. "And never let it go, or else, you'll deeply regret it."

"Yes, I know, Sanzo," muttered Hakkai, as he watched the monk depart. "I don't need you to tell me that."

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