Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Unspoken ❯ You don't understand me. ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter 1 of 3

 

Chapter 1 : You don't understand.

 

Disclaimer : Saiyuki hotties doesn't belong to me or anybody else except for Kazuya-sensei. I don't think she will sue me for giving her babies a little bit of fun.

 

~ Point Of View

 

The hardest word to honestly say is “I love you”. But you can easily lie.

 

~Hakkai~

 

Dear Diary,

 

Why can't Gojyo see? Why can't he see how much he hurt me? All the women, all the booze … he even hit on Sanzo. Leering seductively to him. Earning that fan whacking as usual. But why? Why he did all that in front of me? I thought, maybe…maybe he would change. Maybe he would feel something. I'm not asking much. I'm not asking for his commitment or anything like that. Damnit, who am I kidding? I do want his commitment. Since he … took me … that night in his drunken state. I should have pushed him. Should have rejected him. But I've wanted him for so long. And I was a bit tipsy myself. I've surrendered myself. Without shame. Holding nothing back. Enjoying every seconds he plundered me.

 

Yet in the morning, all he said was `sorry'. Gojyo, my friend, my love, I would have felt less pain if your shakujou had actually slice my heart open. Your simple apology and the way you shrugged everything hurt me more than anything.

 

~Gojyo~

 

Dear Diary,

 

What the fuck is wrong with Hakkai?! Whatever I did all I get from him were those unreadable smiles. I flirted with women, he smiled. I drank like a horse, knowing he hated that, he smiled. I flirted with Sanzo, he smiled. He even smiled when I got whacked by the Oh-So-Holy-Ass-Monk fan. And since that night I never had sex with anyone else. Yeah, I fished, only to annoy Hakkai which doesn't seem to work, but out of sight I always gave all those delectable `fishes' some stupid reason to leave them. Earning one slap in the process.

 

I've never been this `dry' for so long that I believe my sperm are reaching expiry date. If I can't wipe that smile of his face, I'm just gonna get drunk and fucked him again to the wall for all the frustration he was giving me.

 

God, now I'm remembering that night. Glorious, beautiful … wait, I'm not going to be poetic … I had drink myself to misery, sorting out my feeling, when I got back to the room and he was waiting. Again with that smiled. I had to just take him finally. Floor, wall, chair, bed … and as I had fantasized all the years I've been with him, it was mind blowing fantastic.

 

But morning, looking at his body and blood on the sheets. Fuck it! I hurt him! Stupid! Idiot!

 

And all I could say was sorry.

 

And all he did was smiled.

 

I wished he just blow a hole through my chest with his chi.

 

Don't he fucking know how much he hurt me?!

 

~ Hakkai ~

 

Dear Diary,

 

I've tried so hard. To be his friend. To be there for him when he wanted me. To make sure he got somebody to come back `home' to. Maybe not a physical home but shouldn't it feel nice to be embrace in the arms of someone who loved you? I make sure everything is pleasant for him and yet he was getting moodier by the day.

 

I ignore the fact he was flirting front and back. I wanted him to feel that I'm willing to give him his own space. That it is not hard to be with me. But I got the feeling he wanted to distant himself. What have I done wrong?

 

Just this evening, just to show my concern for him, I offered to massage his shoulder and just manage to touch him briefly. He actually evaded like I was going to attack him. He even stumbled on the floor and mumbled something. I heard those harsh words but I don't want to be reminded of it again. And even before I can explain he just stormed out.

 

Gojyo, if he hated my company, why can't he just say so? Am I so dirty now? Or did he loathed the fact that he had slept with a murderer?

 

I cried. I cried as I knelt on the spot where he fell. Did you know that Gojyo? Did you even glance back at the door? I wished he came back to the room and seen me cry. Maybe I can melt a little piece of his heart. Yet all I could hear was him running down the stair to be as far as he can.

 

I hate crying.

 

~ Gojyo ~

 

Dear Diary,

 

I just can't get through Hakkai fucking brain. No, that wasn't quite right. I want to get through his fucking smile, fucking heart, fucking soul and fuck him in the process. All I want is his love but all he's giving me are those motherly sympathy. He knew my history. And he wanted to replace my mothers hate with him being so fucking …

 

I'm through with that. I don't want to be reminded of the pain my mother inflicted on me! Damnit! I didn't need that!

 

And my personal mission to falter that smile of his didn't actually work out. I even `misbehaved' in front of Goku, knowing that little brat would go and fill up the complain form. But all I get from Hakkai was “I'm really okay that you go out with all those girls, you know that, right Goyo?”

 

What the fuck was that? I wanted him to tie me to the bedpost, not letting me go or put a tattoo on my forehead saying `Hakkai private property'.

 

And a fucking tease too. Like today, when he touched me I felt electricity jolted through me that fell on my ass.

 

That idiot keeps on asking am I alright. Can he help me. And all I wanted was he continued touching me. But he just stood there. His hand by his side. And I wanted him so much.

 

He asked me again and all I can mumble was `Fuck you' and I had to storm out of the room because that was exactly what I wanted to do. And I didn't want to hurt him again! And didn't want him entertain my lust just to comfort me! Damnit, all my senses went haywire that I nearly bumped into some guy running like shit down the stair.

 

I stayed at the door. Wanted so much to go back in. I think I fucking make love to the door. But I couldn't face his smile again. His smile and my tears. I wished he would run out to get me so he could see me outside crying my heart out. But he didn't.

 

Fuck him! I hated it when I'm forced to cry.

 

~ Sanzo ~

 

Dear Diary,

 

Sooner or later I'm going to shoot those two idiots.

 

~ Goku ~

 

Dear Diary,

 

{Forgot about the diary and ran out when he smelled something spicy and sweet.}

 

~ Hakkai ~

 

Dear Diary,

 

It's been two weeks now since the last incident. I avoided Gojyo as much as I can. I wanted to give him time to think. I wanted to give myself time to sort this mess out. And Gojyo doesn't seem to have problem with that. We didn't say a word between each other and he acted like nothing happen. In fact, he seem happier.

 

But Sanzo was in a bad mood. I think I make history today when for no good reason he hit me with his fan. ME?! All I did was refuse to do the shopping with Gojyo when he instructed it. I think Goku was stunned. Gojyo just got up from his seat silently and announced he can do the shopping himself.

 

I just walked out on them with the card.

 

It took me longer time to shop when I actually didn't want to come back. Goku appeared from nowhere to help and I have to drag my feet to follow him. Only when I reach the inn I realized I've been gone for nearly a day and missed my dinner. And again just now, Goku surprised me by bringing up food to my room. I never thought he remembered what I actually liked. Goku, dear Goku. He was worried about something but I'm too tired to talk. I'll make sure to have a talk with him tomorrow.

 

I think I also need to talk. Maybe Sanzo after he got over his mood.

 

 

`Knock. Knock'

 

Hakkai quickly closed his journal and slid it under his pillow. He glanced at his food that he had not yet touched and wonder how he was going to answer Goku.

 

“The door not locked.” He called out.

 

He had expected Goku but it was the red head at the door. Gojyo walked in and close the door behind him. For a while he just lean on the door as he looked absently to the floor. Hakkai felt his heart beats faster but he didn't want to frighten Gojyo so he just smiled and keep his voice as pleasant as possible.

 

“Yes, Gojyo?”

 

Gojyo looked up and sighed in frustration when he saw Hakkai usual smile. He had been killing himself for hours just to get some bearing to talk to Hakkai. And seeing Hakkai calm as ever just didn't seem fair.

 

“Cigarettes.” Stupid.

 

“What?”

 

“No, I just…Did you buy my smoke?” Damnit.

 

“Oh … I passed all our supplies to Goku. You can get it from him.”

 

( I KNOW THAT! YOU FUCKING TEASE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED I WAS?! I EVEN PAID GOKU TO LOOK FOR YOU! TOOK HIM SO LONG! IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AVOIDING ME LIKE SHIT I WOULD HAVE LOOK FOR YOU MYSELF. AND WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU EAT THE FOOD I SENT YOU?! )

 

“Gojyo? Are you all right?” Hakkai fidgeted on his seat. Something about Gojyo's look and his silent unnerve him. For a second he wanted to get up and bring Gojyo into his arm. Wipe that look, that tension, that worry from his face.

 

( I've tried to just forget about everything. I know you're avoiding me, Hakkai. And I wanted to proof how much I didn't need you. But damnit, I'm not you. I can't keep these positive vibes around me when I'm feeling like shit. And I nearly slapped the stupid monk face when he hit you with his fan! Even I wished you didn't say no to his instruction. )

 

Hakkai stood up. “I'll go and find Goku. Get your smoke for you ok?” He felt his voice managed its usual monotonous tone but his legs felt like buckling. He could sense something dangerously strong from Gojyo and he didn't want to stay to taste his wrath. Gojyo was definitely angry about something. Angry enough to break their two weeks silent.

 

“Hakkai …” the voice was strained as he looked into Hakkai's green eyes that seem darkened with something that he could not identify. Oh God, shit, I'm not making it out alive. He let out a groan and brushed his hair backward trying to remember the reason he came to Hakkai's room in the first place.

 

Hakkai felt a sudden rush going through his body when he heard Gojyo groan. Instinctively his body reminded him of a similar groan when he was pinned down in passion. His head began to spin and he suspected tiredness and lack of food. He wanted to run out but he was afraid that he would just fall flat on his face because his knees began to gives out.

 

( Gojyo, I can't take this anymore … Please … )

 

( Damnit! Hakkai looked sick. And … scared ? )

 

( Gojyo … Please … )

 

( Hakkai, don't look at me like that. Don't push me away. Please … )

 

( Gojyo … Please hold me. )

 

( Hakkai … Please let me hold you. )

 

Hakkai just fell forward and Gojyo caught him in his arm. He held Hakkai to his body pulling him up slightly. He can't believe the healer actually swooned but for the time he was definitely not complaining. The red head marvel at the warmth emanated from Hakkai and breathed in the scents of his hair. His arm held Hakkai tightly that he could feel his heart beating against his chest. Then his left hand sensuously snaked down and cupped Hakkai backside and pulled him hard so Hakkai can feel his growing arousal through his jeans. To that he got a low moan from the green eyed as an answer.

 

Another hand snaked up and grabbed Hakkai hair pulling it down with his downcast face now looking up.

 

“Sorry, Kai…” As Gojyo drove his tongue into the sweet cavern that he had been yearning since god knows when.

 

Hakkai wrapped his arm around Gojyo deepening the kiss. He heard Gojyo said sorry and the last thought in his head before they both tumbled into the soft bed was “Sorry for what?”

 

TBC

 

Authors Note : I love the original character of Saiyuki boys and I hope to manage somehow to portray them in their `original' light. This story is quite short actually and the first fics I've posted. So be kind ;-). Next chapter will be all smut when both Hakkai and Gojyo tried to convey their feeling physically. So those who have problems with that please don't continue I hope all of you enjoy this story. Reviews are most welcomed.

 

~Meeting Room ~

 

Hakkai : Ano, Jeda nee-chan … I don't think I'm THAT sentimental.

Jeda : {Wipe brow} Well, it's … err … fiction.

Gojyo : Wow … I rejected all the girls for HIM? I mean, he does have nice ass but …

(THWACK!!!)

Gojyo : Ouch! What the hell, monk?! I'm not talking about you!

Jeda : I think that's the problem …

(THWACK !!!)

Jeda : Oww!

Gojyo : But I'm going to have Hakkai ass in the next chapter, right?

Jeda : {Blush} Really, Gojyo, you don't have to be so prude.

Hakkai : You'll do your best, ne Jeda-kun.

Jeda : Yesshh, Hakkai kun {Blink. Blink.}

Gojyo : Make me THE MAN! Gimme his nice plum ass!

(THWACK !!!)

Gojyo : WHAT?! I'm not talking about your ass, monk!

Jeda : I think you should …

(THWACK !!!)

Ouch…

 

{Authors rubbed head to clear writer's block …}