Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Wake Up ❯ Chapter 2

They were all tense as the cop waited for Sam to come in, but Ravi tensed up further as a middle-aged woman ordered drinks from him and walked away. “What’s wrong?” Tim asked.

Ravi shook his head. “I hate her. She gives me the creeps, like she’s looking at me like I’m pinned to a slide under a microscope. She acts like she’s known me and felt superior to me for a long time.”

“That sounds unlikely.”

“Ted doesn’t like her either.”

Ted was a flake, but Tim didn’t say that. “All right.”

“I mean it! And she never orders when Goku’s behind the bar, just from me.” Ravi tapped his fingers on the bar top. “I hope Goku doesn’t do something stupid. He’s been on edge since that cop came back an hour ago. That’s a long time to be edgy, so I hope he doesn’t snap.”

Goku wasn’t the only one on edge. Ravi looked guilty, since his idea had brought Sam to the cop’s attention.

“You couldn’t have known.”

“Blondie drags trouble behind him.”

It certainly seemed so. “Too true.”

“But it’s not his fault.”

“You have a good heart.” One Tim loved.

“Yeah, they’ll engrave that on my headstone. Here comes our boy, Johnny Smith.”

Poor Sam.

Bob put a colorful, plastic wrist strap showing Sam’s underage status on the boy immediately. Made sense given that they had an off-duty officer paying such attention to them. “I’m going over to listen,” Tim said. And possibly to intervene if the situation demanded it. Somehow.

“Shit. I wanna-- Go, Tim.” Ravi obviously wanted to be there too instead of stuck behind the bar wondering what was happening.

“Karen said you were young, but I didn’t think you were this young,” the cop was saying as Tim approached. Goku stood protectively at Sam’s side.

“I didn’t scam her,” Sam said, glancing over at the woman who’d been there last night. “I didn’t lie to anyone. I didn’t make any promises. I can’t tell you any more than I already did.” He certainly looked more respectable in a good shirt, pants, and shoes and with his hair combed neatly.

The officer didn’t look happy as he said, “I don’t believe this totally but Karen says you knew things you couldn’t have known, and Elise has been missing for months with no leads. From what she says about how you work, I think you might be able to see more if we took you to the place she was kidnapped from. Your name won’t be mentioned anywhere and you wouldn’t have to testify in a trial. I can find ways of making it look like a more typical lead.”

Sam looked nervous. “Is it a public place? It looked like it was out near the street.”

“Yes.”

“I won’t be able to find anything. There won’t be a trace left, not after months, not with all the people who have been there since. I’m sorry and I feel bad for you, but I won’t be able to see.”

“I want you to try. That’s not a threat. I’m asking.” It sounded threatening nonetheless.

Tim understood Sam’s worries. Would the officer retaliate in some way if Sam refused or even if Sam acquiesced but then couldn’t see anything? Good people had done worse in lesser causes, and babies in danger provided an excuse society would accept for it. Tim had some faith in humanity but he knew how vindictive they could be.

“I’ll try,” Sam said. “But I can’t make any promises.”

“Thank you,” the woman said.

“I’ll go with him,” Tim said.

“Tim--” Goku started.

“He should have a responsible adult with him since he’s only 18. I’m a college professor, officer.” Tim gave Goku a look that he hoped said that he would be more likely to keep a calm head in this situation, something that would help Sam better with the police.

Hopefully his recent gunshot wound wouldn’t come up.

Goku nodded as if he understood, although he didn’t look happy. “Tim’s good. He should go with.”

The officer had enough decency not to ask if they didn’t trust him. Good. Tim preferred not to lie to people when he didn’t have to.

This was stupid. This was what came of trying to help people. He’d almost had a heart attack when he’d realized the guy who wanted to talk to him was a cop. Even aside from the big problem of the corpse in the woods, way before that Uncle had made sure the town police knew Sam hurt himself and made up stories to get attention. Kid’s not right in the head, you know. No abuse here, sir. Sam would have all of that hanging like a sword over his head for the rest of his life, so he didn’t want anybody digging into his past. Which made what he was doing now ultra-ironic.

Sam crouched down at the spot on the sidewalk and tried to ignore everyone. Tried not to feel like a freak too. Failed.

Tim seemed calm. Good. Somebody should. Sam could feel Goku’s anxiety through the odd link they had. Good thing the monkey hadn’t come with him, because he’d have to smack him. He wanted a smoke so badly but didn’t want to light up in front of Officer Friendly. Damn, it sucked to be so young. He had no legal defense against anyone who wanted to fuck with him.

Sam took in a deep breath and let it out. In, out, in, out, breathing from his gut. Don’t hold on to it. Then he set his fingertips on the dirty concrete.

People. Seasons. People. People people people people people people people people people people people people people....

Don’t drown. Skim. Remember how to breathe. Remember the rattle. Remember the baby, the touch of stroller wheels, the illicit desire of one person....

People. He saw them all as they walked and ran and drove and died near this spot. The earth remembered. Goku knew that. So much, too much, so old.

Eyes so blue. Such a pretty baby. I’ll take you home with me. No, my neighbors would wonder. We’ll go home to Mom and Dad. They wanted me to have a baby so badly. We’ll be a happy family....

The officer looked skeptical as Sam stared at nothing in front of him, but Tim could see the tremors running through Sam’s thin body and knew they weren’t faked. Blood started to run from his left nostril. This had gone far enough. Not caring whether Sam had reached what he’d been brought here for, not when he was bleeding, Tim crouched down next to him and put his hands on his shoulders, saying, “You’ve done enough. Come back.”

Sam breathed out loudly and saw again. “Green SUV. Pathfinder. Couldn’t see the plate number, but the plate was Illinois. She wasn’t thinking of her plate number. She figured on taking the baby to her parents in Skokie. That’s it. That’s it.”

“It’s worth checking into,” the officer said. So cold. He could see a boy bleeding to help him, yet....

Tim swallowed down his anger. “Are we done here, sir? Sam worked 9 to 5 today, and now on top of that he’s exhausted himself with this.” Emphasize what an upstanding, helpful citizen Sam was.

“Yeah. Thanks. We have your number to contact you.”

“Thank you,” the woman said as she looked hopeful. “Thank you so much.” That cooled Tim’s temper a little.

“Sure,” Sam answered, sounding tired, licking blood off his top lip.

Tim gave him a tissue and wished he could stop the bleeding at the source. No one should be allowed to hurt the people he cared for.

“We’ll take you home.”

It was the least they could do. Tim said, “Thank you,” and smiled pleasantly.

As they rode back to the Fifty-eight Sam, looking exhausted, stayed silent with his head drooping until he asked softly, “Tim, are you familiar with the concept of muichimotsu?” He sounded almost disconnected.

“Isn’t that the Buddhist idea of nonattachment, ‘hold nothing’?” He could swear he remembered something in there about killing your father if you met him but decided that couldn’t be right.

“Yeah. ‘Free of all, bound by nothing, you live your life simply as it is.’ That’s bullshit. Everything is attached. Attachment is life. It’s death too. ‘Don’t breathe too deeply’ is bullshit too, because how deep is too deep? If you don’t breathe in enough, you don’t live.”

“I think you need some rest.”

“I have to go back to the office tomorrow.”

“At least that’s just filing, right?”

“...yeah.” Sam hesitated too long.

“Do I have to save you from yourself?”

“No, but it’s nice that someone would want to.”

“Aside from Goku?”

Sam nearly smiled.

Goku could barely stand still as the car pulled up to the curb and Sam fought free of Tim’s supporting arm to get out on his own. So proud. Always. Goku smelled blood on him and glared at the cop.

“Thanks again,” the woman said as they drove away.

“We should have had them take us to your apartment,” Tim said.

“Didn’t want to bring them right to where we live,” Sam answered as he lit up and inhaled like he’d been starving. “Even though they probably know anyway. It’s the principle.”

“I can take him home, Tim!” Goku said.

“Goku can take me home, Tim,” Sam said.

Sam seemed to be as eager to leave as he was, although Sam’s legs didn’t seem as steady as they should be. They waved at Tim and started to walk. “You were bleeding,” Goku had to say.

“Every day of my life. We all do.”

Goku could smell when Sam had used his ability, since it smelled like light and faintly of some kind of flower, maybe lilies. Smelled like Goku’s vague and incomplete memories of how heaven had smelled before everything had gone horribly wrong, before heaven had started to smell of blood.

With Sam’s recent nosebleed, he smelled exactly like things gone horribly wrong in heaven. Goku had lost him then; he refused to lose him again now.

“I think I’m gonna go home and sleep,” Sam mumbled.

Home. He’d called it home! “You don’t have to work tomorrow, do you?” At Sam’s sigh, Goku said, “I’m not setting the alarm for you! If you don’t wake up you’re not going in!”

He didn’t care about Sam making money; they didn’t need it. Only Sam cared about it. Goku could support the both of them easily. If Sam wanted to sit on the couch and eat most of the day--and damn that would be so sexy--Goku would be more than happy to supply the cash to fulfill that dream. His own chubby Buddha Sanzo with a belly to kiss and stroke.... Hell, in that case he’d be there feeding Sam by hand himself whenever he wasn’t out working.

Shit. He hoped Sam didn’t see how aroused he was. He hoped Sam couldn’t read that desire off him. At least he’d find out if Sam did, because Sam would probably go ballistic the moment he heard it.

Sam put his hand atop Goku’s head, something that wasn’t as easy as it used to be now that they were about the same height. One of his long fingers brushed Goku’s gold circlet through his bangs, making them both shiver and making Goku get harder. Dirty fighting! At least the lack of smacking suggested that Sam still hadn’t seen the Buddha fantasy.

“I’m not setting your alarm!” Goku said again to get back on track.

“I’ll set my alarm.”

“I’ll turn it off!”

“I’ll shoot you.”

“That threat got old ages ago, especially since I’m still alive.”

“I’ll find a new threat.”

Sam turned out the light and dropped onto the foldout couch, thankful that Goku had already pulled out the bed since he didn’t think he had the strength right now. At least he felt a bit better after his shower. Tylenol and sleep would have to be enough. Would have been nice if he could’ve afforded to let Goku talk him out of going to work tomorrow, but he had to build up experience and a good reputation if he didn’t want a future full of asking people if they wanted to fucking supersize their order. He checked his alarm clock, then rolled over.

He was half asleep when he felt the bed dip. As he quickly reached for the gun under his pillow he heard, “Sam, it’s me!”

“You gotta be fucking kidding me! Get the hell out of my bed, Goku!”

“I want to make sure you sleep!”

“I was halfway there until you showed up! And you put out heat like a damned furnace!”

“I’m not leaving.”

He didn’t have the strength or patience for this.... “You’re not stopping me from going to work.”

“If you don’t feel well you’re not going.”

Sam had shared a bed before, usually with cousins. None of them had tongue-kissed him--thank God--but he... trusted Goku not to take advantage of him, although he didn’t know why. Sam struggled to remember something. Something about Goku and sleep.

...Goku slept like the dead. Remembering that, Sam started to smile a little. “All right.”

“All right?”

“All right, okay? But if you put any moves on me or stick anything in my mouth I swear I will beat the shit out of you.”

“Okay!” Goku sounded like he didn’t believe Sam would really do it. He also almost sounded like a kid who’d won the jackpot.

Sam didn’t want to think about it. “I mean it. And don’t be noisy.”

“Okay.”

“And you better be wearing something!”

“Yes!”

“Fine. Just let me sleep.”

As Sam started to fade into sleep he vaguely felt Goku’s hand settle on his hip but decided it was too much effort to wake up to beat the shit out of Goku. As his last gesture he turned the alarm back on.

Head aching, Sam stretched to turn the alarm off, and that was about all he could do with Goku wrapped so tightly around him. He only had one arm free. Pushing, prying, and wiggling didn’t do jack except get Sam hard because bodies were stupid. Goku slept on, prodding Sam’s hip with his morning wood the whole time.

That had been worse when it had been one of his cousins. Two different ones on two separate times, actually.

Still, he needed to get out of bed and off to work and be able to breathe. “Goku, get off me.” Snore. “Goku, get off me. Wake up, Goku!” Snore. Guy was strong too for somebody with such a thin monkey build.

What did Sam do to deserve this? He thought he was a pretty good guy. He didn’t do even half the shit he wished he could to the morons out there.

He had no intention of staying here until the monkey woke up, and he needed to get out of bed! “Goku, get the fuck off me!”

...what language had that been?

But it worked. Goku rolled away a little and snuffled, murmuring something. Sam pulled free hard, not even minding when his elbows and ass hit the floor. At least he’d reached the floor.

Shit. He’d always been weird, so much so that he’d been introduced to psychiatric drugs, but he’d gotten weirder later. It didn’t help that he’d started reaching for the visions and knowledge instead of just letting them come to him. He had it bad enough without chasing them.

Now he was also remembering things he’d never done and speaking in tongues. Déjà vu kept hitting him when he hung around with these people. Too many echoes of old thoughts and old conversations. If he stayed with them, would he lose himself? Being caught in a past that had actually happened wouldn’t make him any better at dealing with real life than being crazy would.

Maybe he should leave. He didn’t think he could get Goku out of his head short of lobotomy or death, but there had to be something aside from drugs, right? The drugs hadn’t even gotten rid of it all, just muffled it....

Stupidly, he didn’t want to leave them. He’d never felt so comfortable with a bunch of people in his life. Friends had never come easily to him, and somehow Goku, Ravi, and Tim already qualified as that. Attachments, part of life.

But were they worth going literally insane over?

If you meet your friends on the road, kill your friends.

Or take a different road.

As soon as he woke up Goku knew that Sam had slipped out. Damn. He always slept too deeply around Sanzo.

He would have to make sure Sam didn’t work tomorrow. Why couldn’t he ever cure Sanzo of self-destructive behavior?

Despite his headache and the thoughts that wouldn’t leave him alone, Sam somehow made it through the workday. As he worked, Sam didn’t come to any decisions on whether he should leave Chicago, which only pissed him off more. Indecision signified weakness. Maybe it would be easier when his head stopped hurting.

Apparently someone had decided he could see what he claimed to see because halfway through the workday some of the higher-ups called him into an office and started asking bigger questions, some of which he couldn’t answer. “Look, I can’t tell you when Customer A is going to send a check or if they already have, not if I’m not there with them. I won’t be able to see anything about your company after I leave this office. That’s how it works. I need some close physical link, the closer the better.” They relaxed a little more around him after that now that they didn’t have to worry so much about their industrial secrets, just as Sam had meant them to, since he didn’t need any more trouble from people than he already had.

Still, they told him this was the last day they needed him for, which didn’t surprise or upset him, having had enough of this place. At the end he got his supervisor’s signature for his timesheet, faxed it to his agency, went home, toed off his work shoes, and flopped down on the couch, already going to sleep.

Goku had managed to sweet talk the boss into letting Ravi off tonight’s shift and Karen into substituting as bartender. Goku had his own persuasive powers, though they didn’t compare to Ravi’s. They had a different source, for one thing. But Goku wanted Tim and Ravi to come by to sit on Sam if necessary to make sure he didn’t overdo anything. Poor Ravi had to flush all the fun images out of his mind first but agreed. A lot of the kid’s recent problems came from that night on stage, and Ravi had been the instigator of that one. While he refused to take all the blame, he felt some guilt.

Nobody had to sit on Sam right now while Sam was so busy being unconscious on the couch, lying curled up on his side. He looked adorable but worn out, rumpled, young, his face softened in sleep, smudgy shadows of fatigue under his eyes. Somehow the loosened tie and open collar made the image perfect.

“I think sleep’s good for him,” Goku said softly, still sounding worried.

“We’ll stay with you, okay? Play some cards in your bedroom so we won’t wake him up,” Ravi said. Seeing his lead, Tim nodded in agreement.

“Thanks.”

Sitting on the floor and Goku’s bed, they were playing poker for about 40 minutes when Sam, looking rumpled and sleepy but not pissed off, cute, opened the door and asked, “The hell?”

Goku melted like a lemon ice on a sidewalk under the August sun. Damn, but he was gone on the kid. “We didn’t wake you, did we?”

“Nah.” Sam rubbed his eyes. “Deal me in.”

“Sure! Tim’s winning this round anyway, so we might as well stop it and start a new one.”

Tim shot Goku a mock dirty look.

Sam sat cross-legged on the bed across from Goku and looked at the hand dealt him while Goku looked at him and around at the rest of them smiling. Goku seemed to really like integrating Sam into their party, which kind of made sense if he wanted Sam to stick around as his sig-o. Your love being friends with your friends made some things easier.

The past lives thing actually made sense of something Ravi had wondered about for a while. Goku would mock him every time he got involved with an older guy because a lot of the time it turned out to be a disaster. Every older guy Ravi went with started out fine but eventually demanded that he stop flirting or dressing the way he did out in public, wanting it all to themselves alone. They wanted to control his life, just like his fucking father. Yet once in a while he tried again, thinking it would be different this time. He and Goku had gotten into yelling and shoving matches about it, with both of them throwing the word “moron” around. The Fifty-eight’s patrons saw it as a floorshow and laid bets sometimes.

But Goku hadn’t said a thing against him getting involved with Tim. Hell, he’d seemed happy about it.

“Maybe Tim wouldn’t always win at mahjong,” Goku said. “I could teach you guys to play.”

“Isn’t that an old lady game?” Ravi asked.

“Bite your tongue.”

“I’m open to learning,” Tim said, smiling. “It can get embarrassing defeating all of you constantly.”

“Listen to Mr. Smug,” Ravi answered.

“Maybe we can try another time,” Tim said as he gestured with his head toward Sam, who didn’t look up to learning anything new tonight.

“I need a cigarette,” Sam murmured.

“I just have cloves,” Ravi answered.

“A real cigarette. I got them out on the kitchen table.”

“I’m not your servant to go fetch for you, Sama.”

“What did you call him?” Goku asked, sounding like he was trying not to laugh.

“His name’s Sam, so ‘Sama.’ You’ve noticed that I turned Tim into ‘Timmeh.’”

Smiling, Goku shook his head. “Sure, Ravi.”

One thing about Sam, him being around seemed to make Goku happier. Maybe that was worth a bit of fetching. But Sam had already left and come back with his Marlboros and lighter and one cigarette already in his mouth. At Ravi’s look Sam said, “I could die of waiting.”

Sometimes Ravi felt like he knew Sam so well but then Sam did something that surprised him, which made no sense when he barely knew the fucking kid either way. “Saved me the trip.”

“Lazy. More manual labor might improve you.”

“Tim has no complaints about how much manual labor I provide.”

Tim had his head down and his hand in front of his mouth as he made sounds that might be coughing or laughter. “Don’t get me involved,” he finally managed to say.

Sam relaxed more as they kept playing but still looked far too tense even as he yawned, so Ravi said, “Let me pay you to come out clubbing with me tomorrow night.” Therapy.

“I thought we wrote ‘prostitute’ off as a job for me,” Sam replied, looking surprised and sounding annoyed.

“You perverted kappa!” Goku said, to Ravi’s confusion.

“Why are you calling me a sushi roll?” Ravi had to ask. “You can’t possibly know any sexual euphemisms I don’t, I won’t believe it.”

“No. A kappa’s kind of like a predatory perverted fairy.”

They wouldn’t name a sushi roll after that. Goku had to be kidding. What kind of roll was a kappa roll again? Oh yeah. So Goku was calling him a cucumber? What? Did he mean cucumbers as...? Ew. Ravi hoped not. “What did I ever do to you?”

“You just offered to make Sam your private dancer!”

Great. Now he had a Tina Turner song in his head. Meanwhile, Tim seemed to be trying not to laugh. It looked painful. Sam just shook his head.

“Sam, I’m not saying you have to put out or even sit on my knee,” Ravi said. Though those were some damned pretty thoughts. Tim reached across the bed to slap his hand hard, which shocked him out of them. “Ow! Shit, that stung.”

“I learned from the nuns,” Tim answered, his smile tight. Aw, sweetie.

“You’re Catholic?” Sam asked.

“Yes. Aside from the lingering remnants of corporal punishment, Catholic school provided a good education. My confirmation name is ‘Peter.’”

“Mine’s ‘Luke.’”

“Why?” Goku asked.

“Because he blew up the Death Star. If there’d been a St. Han I would’ve gone for that instead, but there wouldn’t be a St. Han, would there?”

“You kill me, Blondie,” Ravi said through his snickers.

“Granddad called me ‘Moses’ sometimes.” Sam sounded very sleepy and a little vague. That might be where the honesty was coming from.

“I’m not asking you out to be a letch. I’m offering to pay you to go out because I think you need to go out but won’t do it unless you get money for it.”

“You’re really fucking bizarre.”

“Is that a yes?”

“I don’t go out clubbing.”

“Maybe I could get some friends to go too. I couldn’t possibly put moves on you in a crowd.”

“Unless they’re all perverts and you figure you could share me with all of them.”

Sam had a talent for dirty images, and Ravi had too good an imagination. “Hell no!”

Funny how Goku’s eyes looked more yellow when he was ticked off.

“You’re promising people when you don’t even know if they’ll show up?” Sam asked.

“I’m not promising anything. Go out. Give it a chance. You might have some fun. C’mon, you’re too young to have such a sour look. Your face might freeze like that.”

Goku still looked kind of pissed, but Sam now had what might be a considering look on his face. Tim... also looked kind of pissed, so Ravi said, “It’s not like it’s a date. I already have a honey and love him too much to seduce you.”

“...all right. If you’re paying me for it and paying to get me inside.”

Goku and Tim looked as surprised as Ravi felt. “Yeah? Really?”

“I could still change my mind.” Sam blew out a long plume of smoke. “A change of scene might do me some good. I dunno. You’re paying my way in too, right?”

“Yeah. You know, you might enjoy yourself.”

“That’s really fucking unlikely.”

“I’m done for the night,” Tim said. “I’d like to go home.”

“All right, hon,” Ravi answered. “Tomorrow night, Sam.”

“Yeah, I got it.”

As they were walking home, it didn’t surprise Ravi when Tim said, “That really bothered me.”

No need to ask for more detail. “It’s not a date. I’m just trying to get the kid to live a little. You admit yourself that his life hasn’t had much fun.”

“So we must take all the impoverished teens of the world out clubbing?”

“You don’t like going to clubs! That’s why I don’t even ask you anymore.”

“While you do like it. I know.” Tim sighed. “I’m being jealous and unreasonable.”

“Sam can’t compare to you. I’m not taking him out to get into his pants. You have to know that. Besides, he’d shoot my nuts off if I tried.”

“That would be tragic.”

“Damned right. Forgiven?”

“There’s nothing to forgive. I trust you, Ravi.”

Thank God. He hated to have Tim mad at him. “Good. Now watch me try to get some friends in on this to make it even less date-like.” Ravi took out his cell phone and punched in Ted’s number. “Hey, man. Wanna go out clubbing tomorrow night?”

“Can’t. We’re looking through the submissions for the band. We only want the best singers trying out in the showcase.”

“What? Submissions like videos and shit?

“Videos, CDs.”

“They need you to help them go through those? C’mon.”

“I’m an important part of the band,” Ted answered with great dignity.

“You’re letting me down here.”

Ted made a rude sound and ended the call. Damn.

“That didn’t sound encouraging,” Tim said.

“Ted’s a dink. Unfortunately, most of my other friends would pounce Sam, the sluts.”

“You need a better group of friends.”

“I got you and Goku.”

“Go with Sam tomorrow. I trust you.”

“You can come along.” That would be great. He still dreamed of getting Tim to loosen up in public.

“I felt silly in clubs even before I became too old for them.”

“Please. You’re not too old.”

“Ravi, let me trust you. While I’m staying in my home tomorrow night.”

“Fine.”

“I can’t believe you agreed to go out with him!” Goku said as he threw the paper cups and plates away. Sanzo going out with Gojyo? Yeah, they had sex in some of their lives, but Sanzo never socialized in Gojyo’s natural habitats. Them going out doing things together had to be one of the signs of the oncoming end of the world.

“I’m not ‘going out.’ We’ll be arriving at a club together.”

“I could get someone to cover my shift tomorrow night.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Sam--”

“I find it really hard to believe that you’d be friends with a rapist.”

“Sam! I didn’t mean it like that!”

“I can take care of myself.”

Something was wrong. Sam had Sanzo’s ulterior motive face on. What did he have in mind?

But Sam had made it clear that if Goku tailed him he’d take it as a sign of distrust and a lack of confidence in him. Sanzo was quick to offend and slow to forgive. “All right. Take care of yourself. Try to have fun, even if you’re going with Ravi.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“And stay home tomorrow. I have a gun cleaning kit around, you know.”

Sam’s eyes lit up even as he asked, “Why the hell would you happen to have a gun cleaning kit around?”

“You have a gun.” Sometimes Goku thought it gave him an unfair advantage that he’d known Sanzo for hundreds of years while each version of Sanzo had to start with Goku fresh.

Didn’t mean he didn’t take advantage of it sometimes to try to make up for how the whole situation was unfair to him too.

When Ravi showed up that night he opened Goku’s door to see Sam singing along to his earphones as he cleaned a disassembled gun. Scary kid. Scary kid with a good voice though.

“I thought you were bringing friends,” Sam said as he took his earphones off. “What, you don’t have any?”

“I have more than you do.”

“Odds are, you have exactly as many as I do.”

Most people Ravi would smack down if they talked to him like that. For whatever reason, Sam’s mouth amused the hell out of him. “You can’t bring a gun tonight.”

“It would liven up the evening, but I know. What’s in the bag?”

“Glad you asked.” Ravi set it on the table and unzipped it. “You can’t go in wearing a T-shirt. I would’ve brought pants too, but you’re so much shorter than me.”

Sam put down gun bits to go through Ravi’s bag. As he looked at the items he said, “You gotta be kidding me.”

“Look at me. I can’t have you at my side in redneck uniform.”

“I try not to look at you.”

“You’re missing out.”

“At least my combat boots are real.”

“Authenticity can’t live up to a better fake.”

“You really did major in philosophy.”

“Stop bitching and try some of the stuff on. A lot of it stretches so it should fit.”

“It better stretch. It’s all so fucking small.”

“Like hell. The other reason I didn’t bother to bring pants for you is that you couldn’t possibly live up to my package.”

“Please.”

“Yeah? Show me.”

“I’m not taking my pants off to show you dick.”

Ravi had to laugh. Sam actually smiled a bit, a smirky kind of smile, then turned around to pull his T-shirt off. “What,” Ravi asked, “you’re afraid to show me your nipples? You don’t have anything I haven’t seen.”

“I don’t want to excite you too much.”

Sam had a few of what looked like old cigarette burns on his back in places. In places he never could have reached himself. While Sam quickly put one of Ravi’s shirts on, blocking the view, and tucked it into his old blue jeans, Ravi debated whether he should ask or say something.

The kid had run away from home. Duh, Ravi. Some people had more complaints about their guardians than just “they don’t understand me.” He decided not to bring it up, not on a night when he was trying to loosen the kid up.

“Fucking cap sleeves,” Sam muttered, then put on a pair of tall black gloves that went all the way up, pulled his hair up out of the shirt’s tall collar, and shook his head out.

Then he turned around and for a moment Ravi couldn’t breathe. The black nylon of the shirt and gloves clung well to that slim frame but didn’t have the right luster and texture. The gloves left his fingers bare but not any part of his palms. Not right. The tall collar of the shirt looked right, but the short sleeves didn’t. Should be no sleeves. The jeans had worn out to bagginess instead of looking tight like they should. The boots just... no. The outfit was close enough to something that Ravi felt a lump in his throat but so not quite that he wanted to scream. Close enough to what? Not quite what?

Sam clenched his hands into fists. “I don’t like the cloth on my palms. It’ll probably catch on things. What?”

“You look beautiful. I think you should go with that outfit.”

Sam gave him a “you gotta be kidding me” look but kept the shirt and gloves, just putting his dogtags on. It added to the not-quite but Ravi wouldn’t say a word. No need to encourage his growing insanity.

He couldn’t help snapping a picture of Sam with his cell phone camera. “Delete that!” Sam said.

“No way in hell. I’m keeping this for posterity.”

Most T-shirt and jeans guys would object more to walking out in public looking like this, but Sam didn’t complain. Hell, he seemed comfortable. Didn’t say much in the car though, just kinda napped with his arms crossed over his chest and head back and tilted to the side against the headrest, hair covering his face a bit, while Ravi tried to stop freaking out so much.

Previous lives, Goku had said. What kind of previous life could they have had that Sam looked almost right in that outfit?

The door guy let them right in, though Sam had to have a plastic band put around his wrist to show he was a minor. Oh, he loved that. Ravi felt his muscles unkink at the feel of the bass rumbling through his body and the smell of acrid chemical “fog,” perfume and cologne, sweat, and alcohol. Home.

Sam looked twitchy and freaked out instead of simply sexy. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?” he shouted over the din.

“Dance!” Ravi yelled back. “I know you’ve heard of it. They must have dancing in Ohio.”

Sam flipped him off. “You’re not paying me enough for this.” Too bad no one would let Sam drink here, since that would loosen him up fast. Shit, Ravi should have given him a beer before they left.

“I love this song!” Ravi grabbed Sam’s hands and started to move them around, even though Sam didn’t work with him on it and did a good impersonation of dead weight. “C’mon, not dancing won’t get you out of here any faster.”

Sam rolled his eyes but started to move a little, awkwardly. Ravi pulled him in closer and spun them around a bit, having a good time moving.

“People are looking at us!” Sam yelled.

“Not really!” Though Ravi usually liked it when people looked at him. Meant his efforts paid off. “Mirror me. Work for your money. Shake your moneymaker.”

“I hate you.”

But Sam kind of danced, unexpectedly being a good sport about it. Ravi was having a pretty good time, even if Sam did stomp down hard on his foot every time his hand strayed a little too close to Sam’s skinny ass. The kid even almost smiled as getting out and moving worked that endorphin magic Ravi loved so well.

Finally Ravi said, “I’ll get us drinks. I got a mighty thirst.”

“Beer,” Sam answered.

“No way. I like coming here and they know me. If they catch me giving you a beer when you have that band on, I’ll be in deep shit.”

“I hate people.”

“No reason you should change now, right? You want a Coke or ice water?”

“Ice water.”

Sheila worked the bar, so Ravi had to chat. Of course, she asked about Tim, and Ravi had to divulge the dish on his pity taking-out of Sam. If people thought he was sleeping around on Tim, available, certain somebodies would start throwing themselves at him, and he and Tim did not need that.

As Ravi brought the plastic cups over to Sam, he noticed some chick stomping away from his not-quite-date. “Grace and charm you got there, Sam.”

Sam scowled as he took his cup. “She was hanging all over me. I told her to respect my personal space and get lost.”

She was coming back with two beefy, pissed-off looking guys. Ravi slugged down his Coke. “Thugs incoming. Shit, this never happens to me when I go out. You’re a curse, Sama.”

Sam grinned and had a hard kind of excited light in his eyes. Wanting a fight. “You’re not the first person to say so.”

“I’d be happier with a weapon.”

“Grab somebody’s beer bottle and break the top off on a table edge. Why do I have to tell you these things?”

The thugs came on like freight trains, but Sam just calmly settled into some kind of martial arts pose. Ravi hoped he had more behind that than just having seen some chop socky movies or The Matrix or some shit. Nah, Sam did have the moves, fast and flexible, to go with the look, something Ravi got to see a bit of before his thug got up in his grill. But Ravi had something too, some weird knowledge he’d used for the first time the night he met Tim when before that he’d always let Goku do any head-busting that needed to be done. Something in Ravi’s body knew how to fight, and liked it. Besides, he was muscular in his slim way, something people rarely noticed. At least not unless he was fucking them.

Damn, Sam was fast and flexible, dancing around his opponent, grinning nastily, enjoying himself, drawing it out.

This was what he had taken Sam out for.

Ravi... was having a good time himself. But he took his guy down fast. Playing around could be risky. Sam must have finally decided on the same because he finally knocked his out. Just in time for Security to finally arrive and grab them.

“We were defending ourselves!” Ravi yelled as they were led to the back door and pushed outside. “Shit. They may never let me back in again. I like this place!”

“And you say I complain all the time,” Sam said, still smiling evilly, breathing a little hard, so sexy.

“Only because you do, cherry baby.” Then Ravi kissed him hard. Later on he might say he did it because his adrenaline was up from the fight or because Sam looked so hot and had that “don’t fuck with me” air that begged people to fuck with him. He might say he kept on doing it because Sam sure as hell didn’t fight him and just worked with him, giving back as good as he got, mouth a little open, tongues touching, hands gripping each other, mutual.

Later he might say those things. At the moment he didn’t have a thought in his head except that this felt right and the two of them got like this sometimes.

But then Sam pushed him away and looked confused, then looked angry, then looked rueful and kind of defeated somehow, while Ravi realized that he’d just done exactly what he’d sworn to everyone, himself included, he wouldn’t do. He’d expected Sam’s anger to last longer, though.

“I’m sorry--” Ravi said, feeling sick over the defeated look on Sam’s face.

“Take me home,” Sam said softly.

“I won’t do--”

“I know. Really. Just take me home.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Shit.

Goku felt something go wrong. After a too brief rush of exhilarated excitement, Sam bled emotions that tasted like a sour gush of rotting garbage.

Ravi might have to die horribly. Goku didn’t know what he’d done, but it must have been stupid and bad. And it was still early in the night...!

Then they opened the door and Goku lost all of his anger in a rush when he saw them. Sanzo, he would have said if he could’ve gotten any words past the lump in his throat.

“Ravi kissed me. I kissed back,” Sam said. “I need a cigarette. Good night.” He pushed past Goku and went straight to the kitchen. And didn’t come back out.

Ravi? Why did Ravi get that from Sam?

Finally overcoming his shock, Goku opened his mouth to lambaste Ravi for being a perverted asshole slut, but Ravi looked so miserable and guilty that he couldn’t. Ravi said, “I know. You don’t have to say it. I have to go see Tim. Then I’ll probably stick my head in the oven if I don’t let Tim kill me first. Tell the kid ‘I’m sorry’ for me, will you? I’ve already done it 20 times on the way home but #21 might be the lucky one. See you.” He shuffled away.

Life was so much simpler when Goku could just punch his frustrations out.

Sam sat at the kitchen table and smoked. “We were lovers sometimes, weren’t we, him and me? Or maybe not quite lovers but more than fuckbuddies or some shit.”

Goku sat down across from him. “Sometimes.”

“They don’t know it, don’t feel it like I do. Him and Tim don’t. You know because you’re... old. Right?” It so looked like Sanzo sitting there with his heart ripped out, bleak and bitter.

“Yeah.”

“How the hell do you deal?”

Goku tapped his limiter with one finger, instinctive. “Not much choice.”

“That’s so wrong.” Sam opened his grass-green eyes and blew out a veil of smoke that partially obscured his face but couldn’t hide his sympathetic expression. Sam felt sympathy for him, so much that it was visible instead of just sensed over their link.

Goku never got to see him young. Physically young sometimes, but never mentally young. Every time, he caught Sanzo after life and/or age had brutalized him to the point where he’d closed himself away behind a thick, hard shell of anger and cynicism. Sam didn’t trust easily either, and he might be wary, but he was still somewhat open. Goku could tell that Sam wanted to leave but also wanted to be talked into staying. Wanted Goku to talk him into it, and would listen.

It put a sweet pain in Goku’s chest to get something he’d always wanted. It almost made up for Sam kissing Ravi to get them here. Almost.

“Where would you go if you left?” Goku asked. Had Sam gone out with Ravi tonight figuring it would go wrong and give him an excuse to leave?

Sam looked somewhat surprised, then answered, “I don’t know. I don’t have much money, and people are assholes everywhere. It’s just that I think being around you people will drive me crazy.”

What could you say to that? “You think you won’t go crazy on your own?” Okay, maybe that wasn’t a good comeback.

But Sam laughed, and it only sounded a little bit like the creaking, coughing, nearly-crazy laugh Sanzo sometimes did. “Fuck if I know.”

Goku ran his thumb along his limiter, clearing his hair away from it a bit. “You know what this is?”

“Kind of. It... keeps you contained. I know nobody should try to remove it.”

“It’s a limiter, and it hasn’t broken in a long time. I used to be insanely powerful without it, but maybe not as much now. Magic seems to be draining out of the world, so maybe it’s draining out of me too.”

“What happens to you if the magic’s totally gone?”

“I don’t know. But the point is that I’m like a different person and kind of crazy without it. I have trouble maintaining self-control.”

“So you’re saying other people--like you--have it worse so I should stop whining?”

Shit. “That’s not what I’m saying. Not really.”

“What you’re not saying is kind of right. Fuck, I don’t know. I get the feeling I was institutionalized before.”

“Uhm.”

“Great.”

“Not that often!”

“I also keep thinking it would be easier on Ravi and Tim if I weren’t around. You didn’t see the look on Ravi’s face when he first saw me in this outfit.”

“I figure it was lust.”

“That too, but he recognized the outfit even though he didn’t know why. I didn’t really understand that until I saw the look on your face when we walked in. You know this kind of outfit on me too. What the hell was I while wearing this?”

“It’s part of a traditional outfit.”

“Of what? The holy order of cage-dancing go-go boys? Never mind. Not the point. The point is that I may be aware of old shit, but Ravi and Tim are gonna keep getting déjà vu moments they don’t understand, and that has to be confusing.”

Goku had never thought it might be painful to them. “I told them.”

That surprised him. “And they believed you?”

“Not at first, but I think they’re coming around.”

“I think this is hurting them. Are you sure it’s not hurting them because you know it’s not or because you want to keep me around so you’re ignoring the truth?” Sanzo always had a gift for turning things around with words until you didn’t know which way you were facing and the words wrapped around you and drew blood.

Goku always felt his way around and tried to cut right through. “They haven’t had you around for two-hundred years!” And for stretches of time before that too. “They like you, and they’re glad you’re back. Having us around has made such a difference in Tim’s life.”

“Where the hell was I for two-hundred years?”

“Things got in the way.” Goku couldn’t explain how it worked to his own satisfaction, so how could he do it for Sam? “Sam, we want you around. Not just me. And I like you for who you are now too.”

Stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray, Sam said, “No accounting for taste,” as he almost smiled. Wearing those gloves....

That outfit was driving Goku insane with wanting. It was so close. “Why Ravi?” he had to ask, and it embarrassed him when his voice broke on it a little.

Sam knew what he meant. “We finished this mini-brawl against these two assholes, which was just what I needed, and then his mouth was there and it was good and familiar for about two minutes until I remembered why it was a horrible idea and wasn’t me. I wasn’t thinking. He was... there, which sounds like shit for everybody involved, but it’s the truth. I didn’t do it to hurt you, Goku, and it’s not happening again anyway. I like you, okay? But you’re still you while I’m not exactly your Sanzo. I can’t make any guarantees. It’s not like you automatically get me as a prize if you put enough time in. It doesn’t work like that. I need to see how I feel. Which isn’t the easiest fucking thing lately.”

Sam sounded like he was hurting, and Goku reacted. With how Sam sat you couldn’t get past his folded up knees to the rest of him, so Goku went around and hugged him from behind. Sam stiffened, wary as a wild animal, but just as Goku started to think he’d made a big mistake and might have to fend off a major swatting Sam relaxed back a little. This worked with Sanzo sometimes: a bold, sudden move to get you into his space, then going still and unthreatening once there to show him he could let you stay there.

Happy to see and feel Sam accepting his comforting, Goku set his chin atop Sam’s soft hair and closed his eyes to enjoy the moment and block out the distractions of his looks and just be with the person he’d loved forever. “Close your eyes, be quiet, and see what you find,” Sanzo had said ages ago. Goku could never do it for long, but it was a nice vacation now and then. Sam felt so warm. Prior to having Sam in his life, Goku’s most recent experiences of touching Sanzo had been handling his cold corpse.

“I just got you,” Goku said. “Don’t leave. Please. We’ll think of something.”

“Stop pressing on my brain,” Sam answered. “I get it. I’ll stay. For now.” He breathed out, then said, “I’m gonna take a shower and get out of this getup. Good night, Goku.”

Goku let him go. It was always tough figuring which times you should let Sanzo go versus which times you should hold on no matter how much he protested. There was only so far Sanzo could be pushed.

Things would get better once everyone settled down. Goku hoped.

Tim was surprised to see Ravi at his door, especially so early in the evening, and worried more when he saw the look on Ravi’s face. What could have happened? Had Sam been hit by a bus? No, that sounded too dramatic. And if he’d been arrested, surely Ravi would be in lockup with him.

“I kissed him, Tim. I’m so sorry. Even after I told myself I wouldn’t make a move on him. We got in this fight with two bruisers, and we kicked their asses, which got our adrenaline up like you would not believe, then we got thrown out and I kissed him. We kissed each other, actually, for a few minutes before we regained our sanity and broke apart, but I’m sorry, Tim. How can I make it up to you?”

It took Tim a minute to make sense of the outpouring. Even years of teaching excitable young adults had given him only a slight edge on translation. Then he felt relief. No accidents, no arrests, no illicit sex. Then he felt a dark rage that there’d been a kiss. Then he felt ridiculous for being angry, especially since Ravi looked as if he’d been lashing himself with guilt long before he’d arrived here. One kiss given in the heat of the moment, and he’d come running here to confess and seek absolution, with no excuses or attitude offered. He seemed to expect and even want punishment.

Ravi said that his family hadn’t done more than be verbally dismissive of him, which could hurt enough, but something in his manner, particularly the way he steeled himself or flinched sometimes, suggested that someone used to smack him around. A former lover, perhaps?

Tim had realized a while ago that he just about owned Ravi, which had amazed him. Through the vastness of his heart and loyalty, Ravi would do anything for the people he loved. Fortunately, there weren’t too many of those. Tim recognized Ravi’s love for him as a responsibility as well as a gift, something he should treasure and not take advantage of.

“I’m hurt, but I forgive you,” Tim said.

Ravi looked stunned and a tiny bit hopeful, but he also looked as if he expected some kind of trick. It would hurt if Tim hadn’t suspected abuse in Ravi’s past. “Thanks. I don’t-- Thanks.”

Hoping to inject a bit of humor in to defuse the situation, Tim said, “I mean it. But I have to kiss Sam now to make it even.” Humorous or not, the idea made him unwillingly intrigued. He really had no right to be angry with Ravi.

“Hey! Oh, hey.” Ravi smiled a little as he obviously enjoyed some mental pictures.

“You’re not supposed to be happy with that,” Tim answered, although he felt his lips quirk upward, smile-ward.

“You’re a hottie, Tim, so the sight of you kissing other hot guys is hot. You have to accept it.”

“No such thing.”

“Though you better make sure Sam is willing.”

Tim started to ask if Sam had been willing for Ravi, then kept it to himself. Of course Sam had been willing. Ravi wouldn’t have kissed him otherwise. “I will. Even if you’re not serious.”

Ravi only smiled a little, still somewhat cautious. Then he said, “Wait a minute. I want you to take a look at this.” He handed his cell phone to Tim. “Look at the picture.”

Oh. My. Tim’s breath caught. Sam dressed like that would have tempted many people to sin. But it was more than that. The tight black, the high gloves, the way Sam looked out from under his overlong blond bangs.... Tim thought he looked hot but also felt the need to make sure he wasn’t letting the stress get to him too much, since he never had the ability to handle it well.

Who had they been to each other?

“You too,” Ravi said, sounding relieved. “You should have seen the look on Goku’s face. I couldn’t see the one on mine, of course, but it must have been some sight from how it felt. We’ve seen Sam looking like that before.”

“Yes. Where, I have no idea, but yes.”

“So I’m not going crazy. Or at least if I’m crazy I’m not going crazy alone.”

“I’m incapable of leaving you alone.”

That finally brought a pure smile to Ravi’s face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Though you’re not getting any sex tonight.”

“What? Aw! I didn’t get any from him either.”

“I have to maintain some standards, or chaos ensues.”

“It’s okay, as long as we’re okay.”

Tim had to hug him when he had that look on his face, so he did. “I do love you. But you’ll have to sleep on the couch.”

“You and your standards.”

“Just kidding. I want you with me. There might even be sex if you convince me well enough.”

Ravi turned instantly slinkier. “I am a master of persuasion.”

“We’ll see.”

A distraction from his current odd thoughts would be very welcome, and Ravi was a master of distraction. Tim hadn’t enjoyed distraction quite so much before meeting him.

Goku had left a note that he’d gone to get breakfast and would be back soon. The note also commanded Sam not to brood. How could Sam not brood? The possibility of being gay or bisexual might not bother him much, but he’d kissed Ravi and enjoyed it. Some diseased part of his brain found Ravi attractive. Worse, by the time they saw each other again the pervert would probably be completely finished with shame and regret and back to full smirking strength over his “prowess” and Sam’s weakness. If Tim found out about what had happened.... Actually, Sam couldn’t imagine what might happen if Tim found out. Sometimes Tim seemed like the type to take things lightly, but at other times you wondered where he stored the bodies and in how many pieces.

Sam needed a beer. Or several.

He was a moron. A moron who’d let the monkey convince him to stay when the whole point of going out with Ravi had been to let the inevitable disaster ensue and give him a perfect excuse to leave. He’d probably have a lot of brooding to come.

His arms felt naked and vulnerable without the gloves.

Sam shuffled across the kitchen floor in embroidered house slippers Goku had given him. Goku himself never wore slippers, probably because the bottom of his feet looked like they had the hardness of stone so why bother? Maybe hard, callused feet were inevitable when you were that old.

That old. How did Goku deal with it, caring about people the way he did and watching them die over and over? How could he still be so cheerful? Sam didn’t care about many people. It was safer not to care: nobody to mourn, and nobody to mourn you when you were gone.

He had too much time to think. Uncle always found him something awful to do if he said anything about being bored, but here he was bored. Goku brought newspapers in the morning, but Sam had already read all the ones in the apartment. Goku’s own tastes in reading material tended toward things about food. Had a real fetish.

Ew. Sam wished his brain hadn’t gone there.

“You’re all broody. I left you alone too long,” Goku said as he came in the door with several bags of groceries.

Goku talked as he cooked and talked as they ate, which made it hard to squeeze a good fit of brooding in. Although Sam threatened to smack him with a rolled-up newspaper if he didn’t shut up for at least a little while, Goku just laughed. And kept laughing when Sam did smack him.

After they finished their breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, and ramen, Goku said, “Today I’m taking you out to see a bit of Chicago.”

“I’m not a tourist.”

“Nope, you’re not, because you’ll be sticking around, which tourists don’t do. It’ll be fun, something you need more of.”

Sam had been bored.

They ended up taking a bus to Navy Pier. At first Sam felt insulted that Goku took him through Time Escape and the Amazing Chicago funhouse like he was some kind of a kid, but then he saw that Goku enjoyed this stuff. Didn’t do the Ferris wheel or the swing ride, though, and got a sad look on his face when Sam asked about it. “I used to go that high all on my own,” the monkey said, then put on a cheerful face and made a beeline for McDonald’s, refusing to say anything else about it.

Still, overall the pier was kind of cool in a dorky way. Hard to get bored with ADD boy as your guide, when a talk about local attractions turned out to sound a lot like “And then there’s-- oh! Shish-ka-bob! Yummy! We have to have some.” Admitting that he’d never eaten shish-ka-bob led to Sam being given his own tasty meat on a stick even though he protested, “I can pay!”

“You haven’t gotten your paycheck yet. Chill. Besides, I shamelessly sponged off you for food and board for ages, so shut up.”

For some reason Goku seemed uncomfortable in the Smith Museum of Stained Glass Windows. Sam loved it. Actually Sam really liking it seemed to be what made Goku uneasy.

But really the thing Sam enjoyed most was walking out in the afternoon sun on the pier near all that water. Grandpa had taken him to Florida once, and he remembered spending almost all of his time swimming and fishing. “Could have been born a fish, Moses,” Grandpa had said with a smile, and Sam had answered that with all the fishing he did he’d be a cannibal fish.

“You okay, Sam?” Goku asked.

“Yeah.”

On his long walk west the sun had baked him and blazed through his skin, burning him alive even with sunscreen and the darker color roofing work had given him, but the sunshine felt good now.

Tango music played from Goku’s cell phone, so Goku detached it from his belt and asked, “What, Ravi? C’mon, who else calls me? This better be good news. Yeah. That’s great news! Aw, shit, that sucks.”

“What?” Sam asked.

“Ravi says you have to come to the Fifty-eight. The police found that lady’s baby alive in Skokie and she wants to thank you.”

“Hell no!”

“Ravi says to suck it up and take your thanks like a man. Oh, and that she said she’s going to keep coming back until she sees you, so the Dragon wants you to come in and get it over with now. Her buying drinks and snacks won’t outweigh her sitting around being a distraction.”

“He’s not my boss.”

Goku actually looked annoyed. “He’s mine, though. Sam....”

Fine. “All right. To get it over with. And I’m not gonna stand there and just take it if she gets huggy or gushy. No way. It’s in and out.” Thank God Ravi hadn’t heard him say that because it would have guaranteed a perverted comment.

“Great!” Goku said into the phone, “We’re coming in. We just have to take a bus back.”

Sam tried not to think about it on the ride back. He might be glad that she’d found the kid, for his own sake with the police as well as hers, but he didn’t want to be part of some scene. People got freaky and stopped thinking when they got emotional.

“You look like you’re going to your death,” Goku said as they walked into the lounge.

“I just want to get this over with.”

“She won’t do anything bad to you.”

“Because you’ll protect me?” Sam answered sarcastically.

“If I have to.” Goku sounded completely serious.

“I don’t need it.”

“I know. I’d do it anyway. Because that’s what should be done.”

Sam wondered how many living people had any idea who Goku really was inside. Then he had a happy mother, with child, up in his face, saying, “This is Elise. She was in Skokie, just like you said! We caught that woman, and she’ll be going on trial for what she’s done. Thank you so much!” At least with a child in her arms she couldn’t grab him.

“I’m glad it worked out,” Sam said, uncomfortable under the gratitude. “Uh, she’s cute.” Things might have gotten messy for him if his tip hadn’t come in time to save the kid.

“Isn’t she? She’s mommy’s little girl!”

Ravi nudged him and put a damned wrist strip on him. “See? Everything worked out after all.”

Sam stiffened at the sudden feel of a familiar presence approaching. “Yeah? See if you can still say that after the cop talks to me.”

“Cop? What are you-- Oh, shit. He wasn’t here!”

“I called my brother when Ravi here told me you were coming in to accept my thanks,” the woman said. “It’s nothing to worry about. He just wants to thank you too. He’s my brother, Elise’s uncle, you know.”

That wasn’t why the cop was here, but if Sam ran now it would look bad. “Sure,” Sam said and put his hand on Goku’s arm because he didn’t know if Goku realized he was snarling under his breath. “I’ll accept his thanks.”

Ravi got it. “Sam--”

“He’s a cop, and I haven’t done anything wrong. Nobody’s going to do anything.” Yet. Nor should they. Sam directed a look at Ravi telling him not to do anything to give the cop an excuse. They shouldn’t panic until they knew the cop was taking Sam in for something.

From his expression, Ravi understood, but he still said, “Shit.”

“I know you didn’t know. Moron.”

“There’s nothing to worry about,” the woman said, sounding so earnest. “You helped us so much.”

“Sure.” No way in hell would Sam go to jail for killing that bastard trucker in self-defense. Why the hell couldn’t he see the future so he’d know what the cop wanted instead of having to guess? Seeing the future would be more useful.

“Mr. Wojnarowski, thanks for helping us find her. I want to talk to you privately,” the cop said. The request sounded more like an order.

“Yeah, sure.” Sam noticed Ravi on his cell phone, probably to call Tim, not that Tim could really get here in time or could do more than try to talk the cop around even if he did.

Goku obviously wanted to go somewhere private with them but stayed back at Sam’s look. He didn’t know how well Goku could control his temper if he thought Sam was in danger, and self-defense had more consequences in this day and age.

“You look uncomfortable,” the cop said once they reached a back corner of the lounge and everyone had cleared away in a hurry. The guy was fishing. It gave Sam some hope.

“No more than your usual teenager, I’d figure. Besides, that reading... wasn’t easy. It hurt.” Could he possibly play on some sense of guilt with this guy?

“I’m sorry.” He did sound a little sorry. “What you gave us let us find Elise and bring her kidnapper to justice. We wouldn’t have found her so quickly without you. We might not have found her at all.”

“I’m glad it worked out.”

“I want to know if we can hire you as a consultant on occasions like these, on cases where it’s all gone cold.”

Sam should have expected something like this. “I... don’t know.”

“We’re keeping your input out of the reports on this one, finding other ways to show the connections that let us find Elise, and we’d do the same thing on any future cases we brought you in on. We don’t want the public to find out about you, so you don’t have to worry about your privacy.”

He didn’t want to have anything to do with cops, but how could he possibly get out of this gracefully? “Look, officer, you don’t want me involved at all. Maybe the lady told you the reaction people had to my little show. If she didn’t, I’ll let you know that it freaked them out, and Goku had to get me out of here before things really turned ugly. I never should have let myself get talked into doing it, but.... I’d hoped that things might be better in a big city instead of the small town I grew up in, but they weren’t. People back home didn’t know how to deal with me and my... outbursts, so they sent me to a shrink and put me on drugs.” Sam decided to take a risk that could either cover his tail about his past or cause more trouble. He didn’t know for sure. “Some of the things I said got me in trouble with the local police. You want anyone to see you getting tips from a kid with a record like that? I don’t think so.”

“I figured you were a runaway. It’s okay. Chicago isn’t some small town where people have narrow minds.”

Sam had to fight a smile off his face, having hoped that shot would hit some kind of hometown pride. “That’s what I hoped.”

“Really, we’ll keep you out of records and trials. This won’t be steady work, just the cases that have really baffled us and gone cold. We won’t put you at murder scenes either. We’d pay on a case-by-case basis, under the table. We’ve had people work with us unofficially before.”

If they couldn’t be dissuaded totally, maybe he should help the police. It might be good camouflage. “I’d have to let Tim look at any offers. Tim’s the professor who went with me before. If we think something would be too dangerous for me, we have to have the right to refuse it too. I felt like crap for a day afterwards because I had to push myself so hard to get what you wanted.” Remind the guy that Sam was only 18, still kind of a kid, so he’d feel bad about trying to corner and get a decision out of Sam while they were alone.

“All right. That seems reasonable. We’ll be in touch when we need you.”

“All right.”

“Thanks again for helping us find Elise. That was a good thing you did.”

“I’m glad she’s back home.” But Sam didn’t start to breathe easily again until the guy left with his sister.

“Well?” Ravi asked when Sam reached the bar. Goku and Tim sat around there too. They all looked worried.

“I got a kind of consulting job.” Sam didn’t go into any more detail because he figured they’d understand what kind. “I told him that Tim would have to take a look at offers too before we’d accept any.”

“Smart bargaining,” Tim said.

“You won’t be the oddest guy they ever had helping them fight crime,” Ravi said. “There was the Mountie for a while.”

“There was a Mountie?” Sam had to ask.

“Oh yeah. Real Mountie from Canada. Even had a wolf. Always putting his nose in on crime. He was in the news a lot, particularly on slow days. Haven’t heard much about him in years.”

“Maybe he got his man and returned home,” Tim said with a small smile.

“I can relate,” Ravi purred.

“Get a room,” Goku said, his nose wrinkling in disgust.

At least Ravi and Tim seemed to be okay about that kiss last night, and Ravi wasn’t being more obnoxious or smug to him. The lack of awkwardness made Sam feel a lot less apprehensive. Or was Tim still in the dark about that? Shit, that thought made Sam stupidly nervous all over again. Still, he couldn’t exactly ask about it. Instead he said, “Seems like a lot of people here tonight.”

“Yeah, Ted’s band is doing their American Idol thing in less than two hours, trying out possible new lead singers,” Ravi answered. “I thought it seemed kind of soon, but Ted said that Chris has a bug up his ass about how they’re losing gigs.”

“Why doesn’t one of them sing?”

“They’re musicians. It would take away from playing their instruments if they sang lead at the same time.” Ravi rolled his eyes. “Anyway, they have some folks they already vetted through and have left things open for anyone in the audience to try out too. Tonight might be pretty painful at times. Probably funny, though.”

“Sam, you should try!” Goku said. “You have a great voice.”

“Actually, you do have a pretty good voice,” Ravi said.

The temptation burned. Didn’t everyone have fantasies of being a rock star? Unlike a lot of people, he actually had a decent voice. But.... “Haven’t I drawn enough attention to myself lately? I don’t even know these people or their music. Why would I want to work with them?”

“You could always meet them now. Or at least once they finish bringing their stuff in and setting up.”

As Sam watched the band walk in carrying cases and equipment he realized that he knew them and grudgingly liked them a little. Sometimes. He also knew that he would be clashing with that guy who had black and red hair all the time even though he didn’t quite know who they had been. “Ravi, what’s up with that guy having the same hair as you do?” They resembled each other a little. Again. It was freaky.

“Oh, come on. His is streaked. Mine’s much more subtle.”

“Prettier too,” Tim said.

“I have the best guy in the world.”

“Take care to remember that.”

Goku put a piece of pizza on a paper plate down in front of Sam, and it smelled really good. “I guess I could stay a bit,” Sam said.

“You have to stay!” Ravi said. “We could make fun of the contestants.”

Maybe it made him weak, but Sam was curious to see more of these people, and being out with Goku earlier had left him kind of hungry for something. Company maybe. “I’ll stay.”

“Hey, Tim, when did you start working here?” Ted asked as Tim brought him a bottle of water.

“Since never, but Ravi can’t get out from behind the bar at the moment and Karen has her hands full with the tables.” Tim didn’t mind fetching and carrying a bit, especially while Ravi was so distracted working.

“Thanks. Setting up is thirsty work.”

“That’s for sure!” Robbie said as he dashed past and snagged a bottle for himself on his way to his drum kit. “You have any food?”

“You’ll have to order that,” Tim said.

“And pay for it,” their female bass player said.

“Awwww.”

The band had a small fortress of cases and equipment but seemed to be taking it out and putting it together neatly. Ravi said that they always had their own positions on stage worked out in advance and set up accordingly. Various cords had been bundled together and taped down to the floor of the stage in places so no one would trip over them. Tim couldn’t help finding this foreign world interesting.

“What the hell is Chris doing with her?” Ted asked suddenly.

Tim turned to see Chris talking to that woman Ravi found so unsettling. “Ravi doesn’t like her.”

“Neither do we. I’m sure she designs drugs for the guy who hooked our lead singer.”

Setting aside the urge to say that they had to let the man accept responsibility for actually taking the drugs, Tim asked, “She designs drugs?”

“Yeah. The stuff you cook up. We’re sure of it but can’t actually prove it. Never caught her or her guy dealing here either, so we can’t get her kicked out. Damn it, Chris better not be over there trying to be a hero.”

“It would appear not, because he’s leaving her.” To walk toward Sam. What the hell was going on? “Excuse me.”

Tim reached them in time to hear Sam ask, “...why would you ask me?”

“Goku says you sing. In the shower,” Chris answered with a smirk. “I want to hear it.”

“I don’t want to join a band.”

“So sing for our warm-up. Haven’t you always wanted to go up on a stage and try something like that? Or are you just too afraid?”

“So if I don’t do it I’m chicken?” Sam sneered.

“You should show him, Sam,” Goku said. “Make him eat his words. Sam could blow you off the stage, Chris.”

Sam looked annoyed but also thoughtful. “Did somebody put you up to this... Chris?”

“No. Just curious,” Chris said. Tim didn’t know him that well, but he didn’t seem to be quite himself.

“All right. But I’m not joining your band. I just wanna sing.”

“Who says we’d accept you anyway?”

“What do I have to sing?”

Chris handed him a sheet of paper. “This lists the choices we’re giving people. You know any of these?”

“Good choices.” Sam sounded grudging. “You have ‘Passive’ in here? It won’t be the same without the piano part.”

“We have a DAT tape for the background stuff we can’t do ourselves.”

“Smart, if you don’t mind cheating.”

“That shows how little you know about live music. Are you in?”

“Yeah. I’ll do ‘Passive.’”

“We have a little more to do on our sound check. When the time comes, we’ll motion you to come up on stage.” Chris turned and left.

“What the hell was that?” Ravi asked.

“Bitch fight,” Sam murmured, watching as Ted argued with Chris onstage.

“You’ll kick ass, Sam,” Goku said proudly.

Tim had a feeling that something had gone wrong here, even though he couldn’t put his finger on what. Ravi looked as disturbed as he felt. Sam just looked somewhat nervous.

When that asshole waved him up, Sam took a deep breath and wrapped Mom’s rosary around his right wrist. It would just be the warm-up, and a lot of the audience hadn’t even arrived yet. This meant nothing. He couldn’t believe that, though, not with Goku, Ravi, and Tim watching and listening. Not with how much this somehow felt like an ambush.

The hell. Sometimes you had to stand up.

A Perfect Circle’s “Passive” was a good choice, since he liked that song and the vocals started off soft before hitting 11. Of course, it would still be something of a workout once he got into it, since Maynard James Keenan could actually sing.

When Sam reached the stage, Ted said into a microphone, “This is just the warm-up, folks. This one isn’t up for a vote.”

Sam fought down a sigh and nervousness. Damn, the lights felt hot. Chris sneered at him, so Sam flipped him off.

“Give a ‘check, one two’ into the microphone to test it,” Ted said.

“All right.” Sam took the microphone in hand and said into it, “Check, one two. Check.”

“The vocals are too hot,” some guy yelled from a distance away.

“Then fix them, Poppa,” the bass player yelled back. “Try again.”

“Check, one two,” Sam said again, feeling self-conscious.

“Better!” the guy yelled.

“All right,” Chris said. “We start up. If you know the song, Sam, just do the song.”

“Yeah, sure, I know the fucking song. I requested it,” Sam answered, carefully avoiding the microphone, seeing his friends and a few curious faces in the crowd but mostly just people drinking and talking, not paying attention.

The guitar started playing. Okay, this was for real. Sam listened, letting the sound thrum through his body, and then everybody started to kick in with their instruments. He listened, counting, until the time came when he should start to sing.

For a terrifying moment his brain blanked out completely, but then the words started coming. “‘Dead as dead can be,’ / The doctor tells me / But I just can’t believe him / Ever the optimistic one / I’m sure of / Your ability / To become my perfect enemy....”

He sang it like Maynard did, letting his voice vibrate on the notes, and felt it vibrate and rumble within his body as he sang from his gut. At least his voice came out. He’d worried that he’d just croak and look like an idiot. The lines of words were so linked in his head that once he sang one line the next had to follow out his mouth.

“Wake up and face me. / Don’t play dead / ‘Cause maybe / Someday I will walk away and say, / ‘You disappoint me / Maybe you’re better off this way.’

“Leaning over you here, / Cold and catatonic, / I catch a brief reflection / What you could and might have been. / It’s your right and your ability / To become my perfect enemy!”

The audience didn’t seem real anymore, but he did see more members watching and listening now. He felt good, warm and bright on the inside, and his voice came out strong, so strong that he might not actually need the microphone. He could feel the cross on Mom’s rosary swing as he moved his arm.

The band actually came in singing, almost shouting, on the chorus, which he hadn’t been sure they’d do, so he let them take the main lines while he played around them like in the actual song. Lirin couldn’t sing worth shit, but the voice itself didn’t seem to matter much right now, not as much as the sound and power and will. His uncle had always told him to sit down and shut up, but nothing could shut him up or down now, and it was damned good. Sam felt it all flowing through his body.

“Wake up!” Kougaiji, Dokugakuji, Yaone, and Lirin sang/shouted.
“Why can’t you?” Sam sang.
“And face me!”
“Come on now.”
“Don’t play dead!”
“Don’t play dead.”
“‘Cause maybe!”
“Because maybe.”
“Someday--”
“Someday--”
T ogether they all sang, “I will walk away and say, / ‘You disappoint me / Maybe you’re better off this way’....”

They let him take it alone again as he sang, “Maybe you’re better off this way / Maybe you’re better off this way / Maybe you’re better off this way / You’re better off this / You’re better off this....” Sam put a shout and growl on the next line, directing it to the part of the audience that it felt right to direct it to. “Maybe you’re better off!”

By now he trusted Kougaiji’s people to come in where they should. They’d always worked well with him when they saw an advantage in it.

“Wake up!” Kougaiji’s group shouted, oddly to the same part of the audience Sam had started to direct his voice and will to.
“Why can’t you?” Sam sang harder, feeling the channels inside him open as power built in him and from them.
“And face me!”
“Come on now.”
“Don’t play dead!”
“Don’t play dead.”
“‘Cause maybe!”
“Because maybe.”
“Someday--”
“Someday--”
T ogether they all sang, “I will walk away and say, / ‘You fucking disappoint me! / Maybe you’re better off this way!’”

Sam put everything he had into the next lines, “Go ahead and play dead!” There was one woman he couldn’t help focusing on, even though he had no idea why.
“Go!” Kougaiji, Dokugakuji, Yaone, and Lirin sang/shouted.
“I know that you can hear this!”
“Go!”
“Go ahead and play dead!”
“Go!”
“Why can’t you turn and face me!”
“Go away!”
“Why can’t you turn and face me!”
“Away!”
“Why can’t you turn and face me!”
“Away!”
“Why can’t you turn and face me!”
“You!”
“You fucking disappoint me!” Sam shouted, feeling the power and heat inside him, the words that wanted to come, everything trembling on the edge of spilling out without control. He’d fought against this his whole life, almost every life. He had to shut it down. He had to shut it down now.

And the song would let him do that, thankfully. The others’ voices dropped away, leaving only his voice, nearly breathless, whispering the final words, “Passive-aggressive bullshit,” over and over, softer and softer, until finally no sound or power remained at all, just the buzz of microphones and amplifiers. Only then did he realize that he knelt on the stage, hollow and emptied, burning inside, tired and exhilarated, hunched over, with a dead quiet audience watching in shock.

No, not everyone watched in shock. The woman he’d sung to smiled, smug, and mouthed what sure as hell looked like “Got you” to him, before she waved and walked out the door. It left Sam chilled to the bone. She knew. She knew what they’d almost done. Maybe she’d even expected it.

So much for living quietly and not drawing attention. At this rate he’d have to avoid the Fifty-eight for the rest of his life.

Kougaiji... Chris stared at Sam. The whole band did, stunned. Had they felt it too? It looked like they had, though he couldn’t say if they’d recognized what it meant. The song hadn’t been a prayer or incantation to call up that kind of power, but it had been focused will summoned by a group of former demons, one an adept, who’d worked together for hundreds of years. What had been inside them responded to a display of what he had, and something had almost happened.

For a moment he was... larger, close to enlightened, and almost everyone he’d ever been, too much for one person to take, but then he faded and became himself again, Sam with a little something extra. Most of the knowledge faded too, but he didn’t mind that. It had been too much for him to process or even hold safely.

“Can we keep him, Chris?” the drummer finally asked, and the audience broke out of its shock and applauded.

“No,” Chris answered softly, while giving Sam a very odd look as if he almost remembered.

Definitely past time to get out of here. Sam jumped off the stage as Yaone made an announcement on her microphone reiterating that Sam hadn’t been part of the competition. People crowded around him to talk at and congratulate him anyway. As much as he wanted to punch his way free before they smothered him, he just murmured thanks and said he had to get out of there over and over. They didn’t really listen. To Sam’s relief, not that he’d admit it to anyone, Goku cut through the crowd and dragged Sam away, most of the people seemingly knowing Goku too well to think of messing with him and the rest getting elbowed or trod on.

“That was great!” Goku said. “You showed them.” His eyes looked gold instead of brown, and the pupils looked more like slits. Sam had definitely come too close to releasing... something. “I haven’t heard you sound like that in ages!”

“Since when?” Sam yelled back.

“Since you had the sutra!”

The only sutra Sam knew of was the Kama Sutra, and he really doubted Goku meant that. “Yeah.”

“You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”

“Not really. Look, I just want to get out of here. I can feel people looking at me.” Though at least none of them looked at him like that woman had.

Tim, nearby, said, “I can take Sam home.” He looked thoughtful. In a bad way.

“I don’t need a babysitter!”

“I’ll come back here once I know Sam’s situated.”

“It would make me feel better,” Goku said. “I’m ready to take some time off shift--”

Goku could be far too overprotective, so Sam said, “No, Tim’s fine.” He didn’t look forward to seeing if Tim knew about the kiss, because if he did Sam would probably hear about it on the way home, but even so it would be better to get it out of the way. Sam unwound his mother’s rosary from around his wrist and put it in his backpack, then said, “Let’s go.”

As soon as they were outside, Sam took in a deep breath of night air, then lit a cigarette. For a while they walked in blessed silence, until Tim ruined it by lightly asking, “Did you know that a Sanzo is a kind of ancient Buddhist high priest?”

“No, I didn’t. Though I can see how Goku could mistake me for one considering my drinking, smoking, swearing, and love of baby back ribs.”

“Everybody loves baby back ribs.”

“Goku doesn’t strike me as a Buddhist either.”

“You recently explained the concept of muichimotsu to me.”

“Tim, everybody who gets a past life reading gets told they’re somebody important, like Cleopatra or some shit. If reincarnation works, there should be a hell of a lot of former farmers, peasants, slaves, and criminals out there.”

“I’ve been doing some research since Goku told us that he believes we’ve all been reincarnated.”

“I don’t think about it.”

“I’ve also been reading Journey to the West since I met Goku. In it, there’s a monkey king character Goku might have gotten his name from, and the character has a Buddhist high priest as his companion.”

Better to be annoyed than worried or scared. “Tim, what are you fishing for?”

“I wanted to see if any of this sparked something for you, particularly after what you did tonight.”

“I sang.”

“It was more than that somehow. I can’t explain it. I might have a Catholic background but I don’t actually follow any religion. I believe in God, but not a belief structure or miracles or magic. But tonight... tonight I saw power, and I can’t explain it away.”

Sam needed to redirect the conversation immediately, since he couldn’t seem to bullshit Tim as well as he did other people. Ravi and Goku could be shrewd, but Tim was uncanny. “Why the hell did Chris ask me to come up on stage? Do you know? It just seemed out of character for him. He knows jack about me.”

“I think a woman put him up to it. Ravi and Ted have mentioned in the past that she’s somewhat creepy, and Ted believes she’s connected to a local drug lord, perhaps as a chemist.”

“Middle-aged woman? Dark-haired, with glasses?” Sam had to ask.

“Yes.”

“She mouthed ‘gotcha’ at me when I finished the song. She also looked like she wanted to eat my soul.”

Tim looked a bit disturbed but answered, “You’re an attractive young man.”

“My soul, Tim, not my body.” Not totally his body.

“I’ll have to keep this in mind.”

“She freaks Ravi out?”

“Yes. Just by being herself.” Tim’s expression changed.

“What?”

“Is there something you want to ask me about last night?”

Damn it. “What did Ravi tell you?”

“He mentioned a kiss.”

“Yeah. We got caught up in adrenaline after kicking some guys’ asses.”

“You’re not blaming Ravi?”

“Not for everything. I wasn’t exactly fighting him off.”

Tim smiled. “You sound so disgusted.”

“I’m better than that.” Since talking smack about Ravi would probably offend Tim, Sam said, “He’s your guy.”

“It is terribly unfair,” Tim said far too lightly.

Shit. “Get that look off your face.”

“What look?”

“That mild ‘reasonable’ expression you put on before you ask or guilt someone into doing something crazy.”

“Surely you haven’t known me long enough to be able to say that.”

“I know you.”

“You know me....” Tim appeared to be a sweet and sour mix of happiness and unease. “All right. What I’m about to ask seems reasonable to me.”

“That sounds like a definite prelude to craziness.”

“You kissed Ravi. I think it’s only fair that you kiss me as well to balance the scales.”

Yeah, craziness. Why was he everybody’s favorite chew toy lately? “How does the hell does that balance things? That’s nuts. Besides, what I did with Ravi was totally unexpected, in the moment. This would all be premeditated. That makes it different, more.”

“Would that be a no?” So mild.

“Hell yes, it’s a no! Good night!” Sam answered as he opened the door to his building and slammed it shut behind him. God help him, he only knew crazy people.

But gods rarely helped anyone.