GetBackers Fan Fiction ❯ Uncontrol ❯ Guilt ( Chapter 4 )

Okay so I moved in September, got a new job in March, lost the love of my life in April, and have been working my ass off ever since. Thank you SO SO much to my reviewers who have stuck by my story, and even continue to leave comments. I'll officially thank you next chapter.

 

This one's just a filler to get myself going again. I'll get the really story (after this 4 chapter intro) going after this. I just needed to kick start myself again. So, real thank yous next time, but in the meantime, please let me know if this is okay! I'm worried I'll suck after so long

 

 

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Chapter Four: Guilt

 

 

 

The feeling in the air just after a heavy rain had always been strange to Fuyuki Shido. It was an atmosphere that silenced his animal friends, stilled the world, and trapped the air. Today Shido valiantly tried to focus on the thick, chilling mist that clung to his body as he quickly stalked back across town; dutifully tried to keep his fast-pace emperor in sight as the blond raced back to the Honky Tonk with the small figure of Himiko in his arms. But the slight weight on his own arm dispelled all other sensations to the point that he could barely feel himself moving.

 

Don't look, just keep moving, he told himself in a continuous mantra. Don't look at him, don't talk, just keep moving… Shido couldn't bear to look down at Midou Ban for fear of doing or saying something completely stupid. Today had been a strange day, after all. The fact that he wasn't sure whether the odd feeling in his chest was telling him to punch Ban for causing everyone so much trouble, or compelling him to kiss the damn Snake Bastard in relief for finding him alive was uncomfortable.

 

So caught up in his mission to not think and not look down, Shido didn't register that Midou had begun to move his legs as well; was slowly and definitely unsteadily walking beside him. Don't look, you idiot. Just keep moving. Shido forced himself not to acknowledge the change. He couldn't stop himself from noting that it wasn't much of a change, honestly… The Snake Bastard barely weighed a thing even as dead weight, he hadn't noticed that he'd stopped leaning as heavily.

 

…An image of Midou sitting by the window at the Honky Tonk, small and rumpled…

 

 

He clenched his eyes closed when he caught his head shifting down and to the side.

 

 

Seven blocks back to the Honky Tonk. A fog had settled over the city. The sound of four shuffling, stuttering feet echoed harshly off old dirty buildings and walls. Shido felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. His eyes snapped open to see Ginji stopped two blocks ahead of them. Shido stopped, halting Midou, and raised a questioning eyebrow at the slightly obscured figure of the Lightning emperor. The blond's eyes were focused on Ban. The expression on his face was impossible for Shido to place, but for some reason the Beast Master's muscles sang with tension and he almost took a step forward in front of Ban—an impulse that he was sure would bother him to no end later—to block him. But before his instincts could cause him any uncomfortable situations later, Ginji turned again and disappeared from view. Fucking strange, Shido cursed. He wished he would wake up already.

 

It was getting darker on the streets. Shido vaguely wondered if they would reach the café before night came. Had so much time passed already. Still seven blocks to the Honky Tonk. He realized he hadn't begun moving yet. The strange, painful, angry look in Ginji's eyes a moment ago came to mind. For the first time, Shido caught himself thinking that maybe bringing Midou to Ginji might be a bad idea.

 

The arm draped across his shoulders, and the thin body attached to it, tensed weakly and before Shido could stop himself he glanced down at the brunette. There was little he could see beyond the mass of brown hair plastered to the shorter man's head and the sopping wet gray sweatshirt. If it wasn't for the slight tension he felt rippling through the retriever's body, Shido would have sworn that Ban had passed out again. Then the smaller man's head shifted ever so slightly, causing a stray lock of hair to slide from his face, and Shido nearly chocked on the breath he'd pulled in.

 

Midou was staring two blocks ahead at the space which had occupied Ginji and the unconscious Himiko. He wore the same blank expression that Shido remembered from the Honky Tonk this morning. But it wasn't the expression alone that startled the Beast Master. Even though Midou was not looking at him, even in the dark, even with the thick fog closing around them, Shido caught a glimpse of a blank, hooded, naked eye. Shido's head snapped up again, his breath stopped in his throat. Jesus fucking Christ, he mentally spat as he started walking towards the café once again, decidedly faster. He felt rather than saw Midou's head tilt downwards again, and was embarrassed by the sudden surge of relief that crept up his spine. He'd been the victim of the Jagan master's evil eye countless times, but Shido could not recall a time when he had witnessed the blue of his eyes without an accompanying nightmare.

 

He preferred the nightmares… the slight cut of the deepest blue he'd ever seen pulsed in his mind with every footfall on the pavement. It was a throb that boomed like a second heartbeat in his ears.

 

 

Evil…

 

Step

 

Dangerous…

 

Step

 

Demonic…

 

Step

 

Bewitching...

 

Step

 

Unearthly… step Intriguing… step step Captivating… step step step step Beautiful… beautiful…..

 

 

 

Shido didn't even realize he was just short of running the last few blocks as the Honky Tonk came into view. He didn't realize that he was practically dragging the slight weight of Ban as he fled from the one word echoing in his mind that he never wanted to associate with the man, no, boy, who stole away his emperor. Yet still, he could not outrun the voice in his head that spoke out in wonder. Fucking beautiful…

 

It wasn't until he was just across the street from the café—its dull glow in the mist only slightly revealing the huddled figures inside—that he slowed his pace and allowed a few ragged breaths in the now chilled air before regaining his composure. There was no need, he decided, to look as stressed as he felt. Just as he was taking a final steadying breath, the thin arm of Midou slipped from around his shoulder and Ban took one wavering step backwards, further into the shadows away from the light of the Honky Tonk. Completely against his own intensions, Shido turned to regard Midou with a raised eyebrow. And again completely against his intensions, he looked directly into two blue eyes that stared right back at him. Ban's eyes, glazed and haunted, gleamed like beacons in the darkness of the street, and Shido was suddenly reminded of Ginji telling him that this Midou Ban was like the light that lead him from the dark. He was almost overcome by the urge to enclose that tiny body and those haunting eyes in his arms to pull Midou from the shadows.

 

Almost.

 

The Beast Master shook his head to clear it of the spell he was sure was being cast upon him. One glace at the rest of the shorter man reminded him that they really needed to get inside. The bone-thin frame shook slightly in the dark mist of the street, and swayed as if moved by a breeze that was not blowing.

 

“Midou,” Shido began hesitantly as he took a step closer to him, “Let's get inside.” Ban had retreated a step back and Shido averted his gaze while he grabbed for him and pulled Ban's arm back around his shoulders. The slim body tensed violently against him, but Shido had had enough… he had to get the Snake Bastard inside and then he had to get out of there and back to normal. Today was just too fucking much. He ignored the fact that he wasn't sure he should bring Midou back to Himiko whom the Snake Bastard had been viciously fighting, it seemed. He brushed off his concern at the strange emotion and prickling aura that had been rolling off his emperor as he had gazed at Midou in the street. He closed off his heart to the weak pull of Ban's arm as he tried to stay in the darkness of the street.

 

They reached the front door of the Honky Tonk, and Shido shoved it open and pulled Midou inside. The lights were dimmed, casting an eerie glow across the small space. Shido let Ban's arm slip from his shoulders once again, but this time did step slightly in front of him. All activity in the café halted the moment they stepped inside. The sudden silence was only broken by the soft sniffling of Himiko, whom Shido vaguely registered seemed awake and unharmed. Physically. The tension was too much. It wasn't even aimed at him, but he felt strangled. Paul stood behind his counter, and it appeared he'd been in the process of brewing coffee a moment ago, but now his eyes seems frozen on Ban by the doorway. Shido could almost detect movement behind those dark sunglasses, critically and subtly scanning Midou for injury. Natsumi was sitting with Himiko at one of the booths with an arm around the shaking girl's shoulders. Ginji… well Ginji stood by the bar and seemed to have been speaking with Paul, but his eyes were only for Ban. Again, the look in his eye caused the hair on Shido's next to rise. The Beast Master prayed that someone would say something to cut the silence.

 

Then, Himiko rose from her seat at the booth. “Himiko-san…” Natsumi began, but Himiko just stood and walked towards Shido and Ban in the doorway. Paul tensed, and Ginji just looked incredibly sad for a moment. It was the strangest thing, to see Himiko's shell crumble with every step she took. Her dark eyes filled, lip began to tremble, hands clenched at her side shook.

 

“Ban…” she whispered out, and then the dam broke. A sob escaped her raw throat and she ran the last few steps, throwing herself to Midou. Shido was thrown to the side in surprise, and by the force of the anguish in the young woman's voice. He watched in complete surprise as her arms wrapped around Midou's neck in a vice-grip and she buried her face against his chest. Her sobs were unsettling. Her cries were troubling. But the words she gasped out, where… baffling.

 

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Aniki, I'm sorry,” she cried. “Please forgive me, I'm sorry!”

 

Shido noticed that Natsumi seemed as confused as he did. Paul, however, looked as though he understood everything which somehow ignited a tiny spark of jealousy that Shido was not sure he wanted to think about.

 

Himiko's broken sobs broke the stillness of the café. Paul moved to shuffle through the supply closet in the back of the shop. Natsumi stood and went to Ginji, who wrapped an arm around her waist, but did not look away from his silent partner. Ban… Ban stood stiffly, head turned down and away from the girl. His eyes were clenched tight, and his body was as still as that of an animal ready to flee.

 

“Why,” choked Himiko, still not raising her face from Ban's soaked chest, “Why didn't you tell me? Why?? I'm so sorry” she repeated. Over and over. “Why did you let me?” Sob. “How could you let me hate you?” Over and over again. A mantra that caused Natsumi to tear up in confusion from beside Ginji. Words that caused Ginji's shoulders to slump and his eyes to bore into Midou.

 

Shido was snapped out of his cloud of bewilderment as Paul stepped up beside him and started nudging at his arm. He turned a questing eye towards the older man, and followed his gaze back down to his own shoulder. Which was covered in blood. Shido's eyebrows rose to his forehead; he wasn't hurt. Oh right, Midou. He just looked at Paul, and jerked his head towards the still silent Bad, trapped in Himiko's awkward, desparate embrace. Paul just nodded, and moved towards the pair with a first aid box clutched under one arm.

 

“Himiko,” he quietly addressed the girl, “You have to let him go.” The only answer he got was the continuous crying that bounced around the walls of the café. Paul sighed and shot a look at Natsumi, who seemed to understand and quickly nodded and rushed to Himiko.

 

“Sensei's right, Himiko-san, Ban-san needs to get fixed up,” she implored. Himiko's head rose at this, and she looked at Ban as if seeing him for the first time that night. As she released her hold on him, she stepped back and really looked him over. He was paler than she'd ever seen him Outside of that Jagan anyway, her mind spoke up, but she willed the images of the dream away. His eyes remained averted to the side, his limp hair clinging to this head and face. And his neck, covered in blood… she vaguely remembered the knife she'd thrown. And then she distinctly remembered him standing there as it flew towards him. He wanted me to kill him… her mind finally digested. She stumbled backwards with wide, terrified eyes. I WANTED to hill him, her mind reminder her.

 

“And don't forget… I love y--”

 

Himiko stumbled back one last step, straight into Shido, who just placed a hand on her shoulder. “You alright, kid?” Shido asked as wild dark eyes flew up at him. She just turned her gaze back to Midou without saying a word, but Shido could feel the darkness swirling around the girl and Ba—the Snake Bastard. What the hell had happened out there, he wondered as Paul put a firm hand on Midou's small shoulder and began leading him towards the back of the café.

 

“Look after Himiko, you two,” he said while tossing a look at Natsumi and Shido. “We'll get him fixed up in no time.” He and Ban disappeared behind the counter and Shido was strangely disappointed that those blue eyes didn't open again to look at him before disappearing. Meanwhile Ginji lingered behind and turned to focus on Shido.

 

“Shido-kun,” he started, but then paused as if he was unsure of what he wanted to say… what he needed to say. “If… if you ever say those things to Ban-chan again, I will hurt you.” Shido blinked at that, not knowing how to take it. “I don't want to, and you know you're my friend and that I'd do anything for you. But… if you ever talk to Midou-san like you did today…” Ginji's eyes got hard and cold, and Shido knew that for a brief moment, he was looking at his Raitei. No longer Ginji. “Don't make me do something I'll regret, Shido.” And then the moment was over. Ginji was there once again, almost smiling apologetically before disappearing to follow his partner.

 

Shido released a long breath, and looked down to see Himiko rubbing still-falling tears from her eyes, and Natsumi staring worriedly between Himiko and the door.

 

“Well then, let's sit,” Shido murmured to the two girls. He closed his eyes and viciously rubbed the bridge of his nose. It was going to be a long night. A fucking long night, he thought to himself as his mind reeled with images of himself bullying Midou that morning, and flashes of ghostly blue eyes that cracked his heart that night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

….AUTHOR'S NOTE…. Okay, so much more talking and interaction and Ginji/Ban conversation, and Ban/Shido… something. I'll get it out as soon as possible! I'm really not happy with the way this one turned out, but I rushed through it, so SORRY!!! I'll do better in the next one!