Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Apogee ❯ Chapter VI ( Chapter 6 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: Gravitation is not owned by me, it is owned by Maki Murakami. I own nothing.

Author's Note: Rating for future chapters.



Shuichi stood nervously in the lobby of the NG building, waiting for Yuki to show. He had managed to avoid the butterflies in his stomach all day, but now he felt like they were swarming and trying to get out. When he'd first returned to the studio, he'd had to first convince Sakuma to go see Tohma, then answer the questions from Hiro, Fujisaki, Sakano and K. Sakuma had shown them all the magazine story before Shuichi arrived, hoping they would tell him that Shuichi was all right. None of them had felt truly comfortable reassuring him, since they had worries of their own, and they couldn't say for sure that he wasn't dying, really. Shuichi had managed to swallow the anger and assure them all that, while he had had difficulty in the last month or so, he was fine now and had no intention of harming himself again. While Sakano still looked worried and K had given him one of his deep 'are you really sure about that' looks, Hiro and Fujisaki had seemed to take his words at face value and the three had gone to work on their next album.

He'd kept working through lunch, trying to get the new song he'd been thinking about down so he could see if it held any promise. The song had come to him when he'd seen Yuki outside of Tohma's office and he wasn't sure exactly why he'd wanted to write it. It felt like he did right now, nervous and unsettled, unsure of what the future held and scared that it wasn't good. He looked up, through the tinted glass of the lobby to the street outside and ran out when he saw a familiar expensive foreign car pull up to the curb. He wanted to say something when he got in the car but since Yuki only nodded to him as he buckled his seatbelt before pulling back into traffic, he stayed quiet. He didn't know what to say, anyway. 'Hello' seemed inadequate, 'how was your day' seemed a good way to start an argument and everything else he could think of just didn't fit. Six months ago he'd probably have thrown his arms around Yuki's neck and yelled in his ear that he'd missed him, but now -- now Shuichi wasn't that naive, exuberant bundle of Shuichi that he'd been before.

He nearly jumped when Yuki spoke while they were stopped at a light. He'd been looking out the darkened window, absorbed in his own thoughts and not paying attention.

"You've changed, but it suits you."

Shuichi was at a loss for words, finally mumbling out a quiet thank you as the light changed. A compliment from Yuki was not something he had ever been used to hearing and he'd been expecting any comments about his appearance to be more along the lines of 'you need to take better care of yourself, idiot.' He stared at Yuki as they continued on, wondering at what had brought this out. Was it really possible that Shuichi leaving had gotten something through to the cold man he'd been with for so long? Was the ice starting to melt? Or was Shuichi imagining things, and Yuki would never change, never be able to be what Shuichi needed him to be?

Shuichi was still reflecting when they pulled up at the restaurant and got out of the car, Yuki reluctantly handing the keys off to a valet. Shuichi didn't miss Yuki telling the boy he'd have him fired if there was a scratch when he got it back. He followed Yuki into the restaurant a little wide-eyed, missing the small tussle as the valet tried to push the car off on someone else without much success. Shuichi had never been to a place this expensive.

They were seated quickly at a booth in a somewhat secluded corner, private enough to allow them to speak and not have to worry about normal conversation being overheard. Yuki had chosen the restaurant because they knew him and knew he liked his privacy. Nosy reporters had occasionally managed to get a table and tried to get to him during his visits here, but they were always quickly and quietly dealt with without disturbing him. He might seem cold and overly distant, but he tipped very well and no one forgot just how well. Their server was at the table just after the host left them to get their drink orders and bring over a basket of warm bread. Shuichi nervously ordered water, unused to this level of service, and not sure what he should order, since most of the items on the menu were things he'd never heard of before.

Shuichi fidgeted a little, spreading his napkin on his lap and reaching for a piece of the bread, tearing off a small piece and tasting it. It wasn't what he was used to, but he liked it, the slightly salty taste of the crust appealing and going well with the creamy butter he smeared on top. He ate it slowly while he took his time looking over the menu. There were no prices next to any of the dishes, so he had to assume that Yuki knew what he was doing, but he felt overwhelmed trying to choose something from an entire menu of new food. Finally he decided on something described as beef in a sauce with mushrooms served over noodles. He slowly closed the menu and sat back a little in the booth, looking anywhere but at Yuki. He wondered again, for probably the hundredth time at least, why he had agreed to this. The butterflies were back in his belly, and he was beginning to regret the little bit of bread he'd eaten.

The waitress came and took their orders and then Shuichi had little excuse not to look at Yuki. He had looked over the rest of the room, the food was ordered and the menus gone, and he couldn't pretend fascination with the stemware for long, since it was elegantly plain, sleek lines with barely enough texture to provide a grip on slick glass. He took a small sip of the water he'd ordered and finally looked up at Yuki, his breath catching at the look he saw in Yuki's eyes. He hadn't seen that controlled hunger in a very long time and he could feel part of him wanting to respond, to ask Yuki if they could just leave, to forgive him everything if he'd just follow through on the look in those eyes. He firmly pushed that part aside, choosing to follow the part that was wary of that look and what it meant, wary of Yuki's intent and very mindful of every second of pain over the last few months. It was that side that gave him the strength to continue to meet Yuki's eyes, and to wait the man out. It had been Yuki who suggested they get together tonight and talk, not Shuichi. Therefore, it only seemed right that Yuki be the one to grovel, beg and explain.

"I meant what I said in the car. The new hair suits you. I'm surprised Tohma hasn't pitched a fit about the change. Do they think the fans will respond well to this?"

Shuichi sat up a little straighter. So, Yuki wanted to delay things? Fine, he'd let him continue with the inane banter, let him delay. "Seguchi-san hasn't said anything. I've grown up, Yuki. It's only right things change to reflect that. I can't act like a kid forever."

"No, I suppose not. One Sakuma Ryuichi in the company is enough, hmm?"

Shuichi scowled slightly but let the comment slide. "It's enough we look alike, we don't need to act alike."

"Hmm. Tatsuha did get that right. The two of you do look eerily alike. Are you absolutely sure he's not an older brother? Cousin, something?"

Shuichi only nodded. They'd had this conversation several times over the past two years, usually after sex. The back and forth continued, and though still wary, Shuichi found the butterflies settling back down as the familiar discussions put him more at ease. The waitress brought their food while they talked, and they continued as they were until she came to clear them away. Yuki scowled as Shuichi indicated to her that he was done.

"What's that look for?" Shuichi asked, setting down his water glass.

"You hardly touched your food. I'm used to you eating enough for two of you."

Shuichi allowed his eyes to narrow as he glared at Yuki. No more putting off the inevitable, it seemed. "Sorry, my appetite isn't what it used to be. I'm still adjusting to a lot of changes in my life." He saw Yuki's eyes narrowing in response and steeled himself for what he thought was inevitable.

"Changes you brought on yourself. I never told you to move out."

"No, you only ignored me for a month, then threw me out because I wanted to spend time with you." He took a deep breath. "I did try to warn you, Yuki. I told you I couldn't take being thrown out again. You didn't care, you didn't listen."

His voice had dropped as he spoke until he was whispering in an angry hiss and Yuki had to lean a bit across the table to hear what was being said. "You knew I never meant it. You never were able to respect it when I needed space."

"Why should I have, you never respected that I needed you." Shuichi stood, looking down at Yuki and shaking his head as Yuki started to rise. "Don't get up, I'm capable of taking care of myself."

He turned and walked out before Yuki had a chance to follow, glad he was able to make it out of the restaurant before the urge to run took over and he took off down the crowded sidewalks, running as fast as people could get out of the way. He knew he knocked one or two people over on the way, but he ignored it. Finally seeing the sign for a train station, he ducked inside and studied the map of the system to figure out where he was and how to get to where he wanted to go. He considered going home, he thought about going to see Hiro, but he rejected both. He was too wound up to go back to his lonely little apartment, and Hiro was probably on the phone with Ayaka by now. After a moment's study he purchased the ticket he'd need and turned to the platform to wait for the train that would get him close enough to walk the rest of the way back to NG.

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The flare of a lighter briefly lit Yuki's scowling features as he stared at the view of Tokyo from his balcony. He'd paid for the food after Shuichi left the restaurant, and then gone outside to see if the little brat might have stayed close enough for Yuki to offer him a ride home. No such luck, Shuichi was gone, but a few passers-by mumbling about being knocked down gave him an idea of at least what direction he'd gone in. He'd driven down the street, just making it to the train station in time to catch a glimpse of Shuichi climbing onto a train as he waited for a light to change. After that, he'd turned his head and gone back to driving home.

It had been too soon. He had rushed things because he missed Shuichi, hoping that his little brat would forgive him and come home, at least for the night. He took a long drag from the cigarette held between his lips and exhaled through his nose, loosing twin plumes of smoke like a sleeping dragon. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the railing of the balcony, his back to the view. His thoughts reached back, trying to remember exactly what their fight had been about. He remembered being annoyed because he'd been so close to finishing a difficult scene when he'd been interrupted and it had ruined his concentration. What was it Shuichi had wanted? Probably for him to come watch one of his television interviews or a new Nittle Grasper video, he'd thought at the time. Yuki felt a shiver travel down his spine. No, Shuichi hadn't wanted any of those inane, annoying things that night. He'd wanted to make love, he'd wanted Yuki to come to bed for a while, he'd been upset because Yuki hadn't given him any affection at all in a long time.

And instead of giving him the love he deserved, at least taking the time to relieve some of his own frustration and soothe some of his lover's concerns, he had told him to get out. He hadn't meant permanently, but he'd assumed Shuichi knew that. Of course, he realized, Shuichi had known what Yuki meant, but he'd also tried to get across his own meaning, and Yuki had ignored it just as he'd ignored Shuichi in so many other ways. No wonder he'd moved out.

Yuki was surprised to find himself kneeling on the concrete with twin tracks of cold moisture running down his face. He was crying. It was a rare enough occurrence, but that it was Shuichi who had reduced him to this was more than he was able to confront in one night. He didn't need Shuichi that badly, he couldn't. He was strong, he'd worked so hard to forget the past, to keep it the past and not let it effect the now. He couldn't let this past effect this now, either. He would get up and move on.


Author's Note II: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this. Some of you have given me some interesting things to think on. I apologize for not updating as quickly as I had accustomed you to. Real Life reared its very, very ugly head this week and I didn't have the time or the peace of mind to write anything at all until today. But, the inspiration bug has bitten again, and I have the next couple of chapters in my head, now to flesh them out for you... I hope to update again soon! Thanks again!

PS: There may be a lemon in the near future.... :oP