Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Apogee ❯ Chapter VIII ( Chapter 8 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
Disclaimer: Gravitation is not owned by me, it is owned by Maki Murakami. I own nothing.
Author's Note: Again, thanks to all of my reviewers everywhere this has been posted. I hope you all continue to enjoy this, wherever it may go.
Tohma woke slowly, blinking in the hazy half-light just before dawn. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table and turned off the alarm just before it would ring. Pulling himself slowly out of bed, he crossed the hall to the bathroom and started the shower. He stood in the cool spray for a few minutes, his mind already going over the stack of contracts he had brought home to review and the box of demos that needed to be listened to. Once he had settled on a plan that got the most work done in the shortest amount of time, he quickly washed and exited the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. He paused as he crossed the hall back to his bedroom, looking thoughtfully at the closed door of the guest room where Shuichi was sleeping for a moment before continuing on.
After dressing quickly he walked out to the table in the dining room barefoot, setting his briefcase on the polished cherry top of the table before going into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He wondered briefly what he would do without an automatic coffee maker as he sipped the strong brew and settled in to get to work. Contracts were always some of the dullest work he had to do, but it was how he made money, by accepting this clause and rejecting that one, insisting on this or that change to make the deal the most profitable for NG. As he worked, he rubbed at his temple with one hand, trying to remember to keep his mind on the contracts in front of him and off of Shuichi, sleeping in the guest room just a short distance away. Finally giving up, Tohma picked up his coffee cup and rose, walking to the large window in the living room to look out over the nearby rooftops.
He had brought Shuichi here and let him sleep on the couch while Tohma had cooked dinner and listened to the news, hearing the frustrated entertainment reporter waiting outside Shuichi's apartment building grow more and more desperate as time went on. While he knew her pride would be stung, and it was likely the station wouldn't let her near a satellite truck again any time soon, he still expected her to spend most, if not all of the weekend near enough to the building to know when and if Shuichi came home. Tohma had considered calling the station manager and asking that she be taken off the air, but had decided that his silence might do more to convince them that the poor woman was just a star-struck fan who needed a vacation. His gaze wandered from the rooftops and back down the hallway to the closed door at the end where Shuichi slept. It hadn't been too difficult to wake him enough to get him to eat, and the two had enjoyed small bits and pieces of conversation while they ate, easily falling into the friendship they had developed so recently. When Shuichi had begun to yawn again, Tohma had shown him where the guest room was and offered him a change of clothes to sleep in.
He was still worried about Shuichi. He had seemed happier this last week, but that last song had come from somewhere. While professionally, Tohma knew it would do well, that word of it would likely boost album sales, personally he ached for Shuichi when he heard it. The song had described the ending of a relationship, and Tohma knew he had written it about Eiri. Though he hadn't asked, Tohma doubted that Shuichi had been in the studio all night, writing and singing that song, because things had gone well during dinner with Eiri. Tohma had considered calling his brother-in-law, but he'd been hesitant. Eiri had not been angry with him the last time they had spoken, but there had still been a distance between them that had felt almost like a physical wall to Tohma. He glanced again at the closed door at the end of the hall, deciding to wait on making breakfast until Shuichi woke. Tohma wasn't hungry himself, and he didn't want to wake Shuichi since he had seemed so tired the night before.
He briefly considered going to check on Shuichi, and found himself with his hand stretched out to open the door when he froze and lost his nerve. He didn't want to wake him, and he was afraid of the open vulnerability he had glimpsed when Shuichi had fallen asleep on the couch the night before. There had been innocence in his expression, but the deep exhaustion had been evident when Shuichi was unable to hide it. The ringing of Tohma's cell phone brought him out of his indecision and he hurried back down the hall and snatched the device quickly from the top of the table, glancing at the number before picking up.
"Yes, Sakano-san?"
"Seguchi-san, sir, I got a message from Shindou-kun on my phone this morning, but I haven't been able to get him to answer his phone, and no one knows where he is. There is some reporter outside his apartment building -- "
"I know, Sakano-san. Shuichi is safe, I've seen to it personally."
"You- you have. Ah. Good. We were all worried that we weren't there for him, that he might have done something desperate."
Tohma cringed slightly. Shuichi had done something desperate, hadn't he? He had tried everyone else and called Tohma as a last resort, as the last person he could go to for help. "Yes," he finally said into the phone. "We wouldn't want him to do something desperate. Rest assured that Shuichi is safe, Sakano-san. I'm sure he will appreciate your concern."
Tohma hung up the phone and slowly sat back down in his chair at the dining room table, looking at the contracts and offers spread out on the polished surface, resisting the urge to go flop down on his bed and wallow in self-pity. He didn't understand why the idea of Shuichi coming to him as a last resort, the thought of being the last person Shuichi could turn to, hurt so badly. He took a deep breath and began to think objectively, as much as he could. He didn't want Sakano to realize Shuichi was with him and not simply safe at a hotel somewhere until Monday, therefore Tohma called K to ask him to buy Shuichi some things and bring them by. Given his association with Ryuichi and his own background, which was not exactly typical, K was less likely to make any unwanted comments. K did briefly ask after Shuichi, and Tohma calmly told him that he had gone to bed early the night before and was still asleep.
Assured for the moment that he had done everything he could for Shuichi while he was asleep, Tohma settled back down to his contracts, placing his reading glasses on his nose. He resolutely refused to spend any more of the morning on his own feelings. He had too much to do to waste time with worthless emotions. After all, what had self-pity gotten him anyway? Some fine scars he had to cover up even when he didn't want to and the lingering feeling of cowardice. He sighed, closing his eyes briefly before shaking his head and going back to work. If he had just had the courage to cut deeper, it all would have been solved so much easier. Mika wouldn't have to decide whether or not to divorce him, the company could find a president who wouldn't be splitting his time between his band and his company, and Eiri wouldn't have to worry about competing with him for Shuichi's affections.
He had always done everything in his power for those he loved. For Eiri, he had smoothed over what could have been an even nastier situation, he had dealt with Aizawa, he had even tried to drive Shuichi away thinking it was in Eiri's best interest. For Mika, he had agreed to their separation, and would even agree to the divorce when she asked, as he knew she would before too much longer - likely sooner rather than later if she ever found out Shuichi had stayed here. He thought Eiri must not have mentioned that Tohma had kissed Shuichi to Mika, or he was sure he'd have seen papers already. He dropped his head to his hands. For Ryuichi, he had made the arrangements the singer had wanted, to go to America, arranged for K to take care of him, and had gladly agreed to reform Nittle Grasper when Ryuichi wanted that back. Returning to the stage with Nittle Grasper had been a huge time commitment for Tohma, but he never complained.
He often spent six hours a day in the recording studio with Noriko and Ryuichi, then another three or four at the office dealing with the company's business before packing up everything he didn't finish and working here until midnight or later. Often he fell asleep at two or three and was up and back at the office by six or seven. Weekends he brought home everything he hadn't had a chance to complete during the week. Mostly, it was contracts and demo tapes, but some weekends found him back at the studio, finishing a recording for Nittle Grasper, or working out the timing of an arrangement. He'd been working seven days a week for months, and he was feeling the strain with everything in him, but he refused to back off, refused to quit. There was simply too much to do. Besides, the more he kept busy, the less time he had to think.
Putting aside the third contract in an hour he got up and refilled his coffee cup and was on his way back to the table to start on the next when there was a knock at the door. Thinking K must have arrived with the things he had requested for Shuichi, Tohma padded silently to answer it, throwing the door open and stepping back without bothering to look through the peephole first. He was momentarily shocked to see Mika, and he only stood and stared at her silently before being able to summon up a small smile and ask her to come in. He offered her coffee and was refused, so he waved her toward a seat on the couch, but again she refused. Feeling uneasy he turned and looked at her, leaning back against the support column between the windows.
"Since this obviously isn't a social call, can I ask what brings you by, Mika?"
She sighed. "Tohma, he asked me to marry him."
Tohma was silent for a long minute, simply looking at her, expecting to feel al surge of jealousy, of rage, of righteous fury that another man would dare to ask his wife to marry them. Instead he felt a wave of guilt and resignation, followed by a wall of fear. He swallowed them all as quickly as he could, trying to keep his face smooth, to not show what he was feeling. He wanted her decision to be her own, to be what was best for her, not what she would do for his sake.
He took the envelope she held out to him, taking out the legal papers inside and beginning to look them over. She wasn't asking for much, just the house and her car and a small lump sum that Tohma assumed she had decided would be enough to cover the wedding. It didn't take him long to read through it, even with her standing only feet away and studying him like a hawk, looking for anything that would give her a clue to what he was feeling. He could feel her watching him, knew the emotionless facade he had put up frustrated her, but he refused to let it go. If he did, she would know he was afraid of this, afraid to not have this moment looming over him anymore. She might realize he was afraid of what else might be waiting for him once this had passed. Finding nothing objectionable in the papers since she had agreed to give up her shares of NG to Tohma, he picked up a pen from the table and signed all the pages that needed his signature, noting as he did that Mika had already done so, then folded them, placed them carefully back in their envelope and handed it back to her, glad his hand didn't shake as he did so.
He walked her to the door, and he was caught completely unaware when she turned and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him close and whispering a harsh, tear-choked "thank you" in his ear. He let his eyes close and wrapped his arms around her one final time, his own voice harsh as he whispered back.
"Good luck, Mika. I hope you find your happiness."
Author's Note II: I know you were probably expecting the lemon to be in this chapter, but Tohma just opened up and I couldn't resist getting a little more in depth about him. Next chapter, I promise! :o)
Author's Note: Again, thanks to all of my reviewers everywhere this has been posted. I hope you all continue to enjoy this, wherever it may go.
Tohma woke slowly, blinking in the hazy half-light just before dawn. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table and turned off the alarm just before it would ring. Pulling himself slowly out of bed, he crossed the hall to the bathroom and started the shower. He stood in the cool spray for a few minutes, his mind already going over the stack of contracts he had brought home to review and the box of demos that needed to be listened to. Once he had settled on a plan that got the most work done in the shortest amount of time, he quickly washed and exited the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. He paused as he crossed the hall back to his bedroom, looking thoughtfully at the closed door of the guest room where Shuichi was sleeping for a moment before continuing on.
After dressing quickly he walked out to the table in the dining room barefoot, setting his briefcase on the polished cherry top of the table before going into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He wondered briefly what he would do without an automatic coffee maker as he sipped the strong brew and settled in to get to work. Contracts were always some of the dullest work he had to do, but it was how he made money, by accepting this clause and rejecting that one, insisting on this or that change to make the deal the most profitable for NG. As he worked, he rubbed at his temple with one hand, trying to remember to keep his mind on the contracts in front of him and off of Shuichi, sleeping in the guest room just a short distance away. Finally giving up, Tohma picked up his coffee cup and rose, walking to the large window in the living room to look out over the nearby rooftops.
He had brought Shuichi here and let him sleep on the couch while Tohma had cooked dinner and listened to the news, hearing the frustrated entertainment reporter waiting outside Shuichi's apartment building grow more and more desperate as time went on. While he knew her pride would be stung, and it was likely the station wouldn't let her near a satellite truck again any time soon, he still expected her to spend most, if not all of the weekend near enough to the building to know when and if Shuichi came home. Tohma had considered calling the station manager and asking that she be taken off the air, but had decided that his silence might do more to convince them that the poor woman was just a star-struck fan who needed a vacation. His gaze wandered from the rooftops and back down the hallway to the closed door at the end where Shuichi slept. It hadn't been too difficult to wake him enough to get him to eat, and the two had enjoyed small bits and pieces of conversation while they ate, easily falling into the friendship they had developed so recently. When Shuichi had begun to yawn again, Tohma had shown him where the guest room was and offered him a change of clothes to sleep in.
He was still worried about Shuichi. He had seemed happier this last week, but that last song had come from somewhere. While professionally, Tohma knew it would do well, that word of it would likely boost album sales, personally he ached for Shuichi when he heard it. The song had described the ending of a relationship, and Tohma knew he had written it about Eiri. Though he hadn't asked, Tohma doubted that Shuichi had been in the studio all night, writing and singing that song, because things had gone well during dinner with Eiri. Tohma had considered calling his brother-in-law, but he'd been hesitant. Eiri had not been angry with him the last time they had spoken, but there had still been a distance between them that had felt almost like a physical wall to Tohma. He glanced again at the closed door at the end of the hall, deciding to wait on making breakfast until Shuichi woke. Tohma wasn't hungry himself, and he didn't want to wake Shuichi since he had seemed so tired the night before.
He briefly considered going to check on Shuichi, and found himself with his hand stretched out to open the door when he froze and lost his nerve. He didn't want to wake him, and he was afraid of the open vulnerability he had glimpsed when Shuichi had fallen asleep on the couch the night before. There had been innocence in his expression, but the deep exhaustion had been evident when Shuichi was unable to hide it. The ringing of Tohma's cell phone brought him out of his indecision and he hurried back down the hall and snatched the device quickly from the top of the table, glancing at the number before picking up.
"Yes, Sakano-san?"
"Seguchi-san, sir, I got a message from Shindou-kun on my phone this morning, but I haven't been able to get him to answer his phone, and no one knows where he is. There is some reporter outside his apartment building -- "
"I know, Sakano-san. Shuichi is safe, I've seen to it personally."
"You- you have. Ah. Good. We were all worried that we weren't there for him, that he might have done something desperate."
Tohma cringed slightly. Shuichi had done something desperate, hadn't he? He had tried everyone else and called Tohma as a last resort, as the last person he could go to for help. "Yes," he finally said into the phone. "We wouldn't want him to do something desperate. Rest assured that Shuichi is safe, Sakano-san. I'm sure he will appreciate your concern."
Tohma hung up the phone and slowly sat back down in his chair at the dining room table, looking at the contracts and offers spread out on the polished surface, resisting the urge to go flop down on his bed and wallow in self-pity. He didn't understand why the idea of Shuichi coming to him as a last resort, the thought of being the last person Shuichi could turn to, hurt so badly. He took a deep breath and began to think objectively, as much as he could. He didn't want Sakano to realize Shuichi was with him and not simply safe at a hotel somewhere until Monday, therefore Tohma called K to ask him to buy Shuichi some things and bring them by. Given his association with Ryuichi and his own background, which was not exactly typical, K was less likely to make any unwanted comments. K did briefly ask after Shuichi, and Tohma calmly told him that he had gone to bed early the night before and was still asleep.
Assured for the moment that he had done everything he could for Shuichi while he was asleep, Tohma settled back down to his contracts, placing his reading glasses on his nose. He resolutely refused to spend any more of the morning on his own feelings. He had too much to do to waste time with worthless emotions. After all, what had self-pity gotten him anyway? Some fine scars he had to cover up even when he didn't want to and the lingering feeling of cowardice. He sighed, closing his eyes briefly before shaking his head and going back to work. If he had just had the courage to cut deeper, it all would have been solved so much easier. Mika wouldn't have to decide whether or not to divorce him, the company could find a president who wouldn't be splitting his time between his band and his company, and Eiri wouldn't have to worry about competing with him for Shuichi's affections.
He had always done everything in his power for those he loved. For Eiri, he had smoothed over what could have been an even nastier situation, he had dealt with Aizawa, he had even tried to drive Shuichi away thinking it was in Eiri's best interest. For Mika, he had agreed to their separation, and would even agree to the divorce when she asked, as he knew she would before too much longer - likely sooner rather than later if she ever found out Shuichi had stayed here. He thought Eiri must not have mentioned that Tohma had kissed Shuichi to Mika, or he was sure he'd have seen papers already. He dropped his head to his hands. For Ryuichi, he had made the arrangements the singer had wanted, to go to America, arranged for K to take care of him, and had gladly agreed to reform Nittle Grasper when Ryuichi wanted that back. Returning to the stage with Nittle Grasper had been a huge time commitment for Tohma, but he never complained.
He often spent six hours a day in the recording studio with Noriko and Ryuichi, then another three or four at the office dealing with the company's business before packing up everything he didn't finish and working here until midnight or later. Often he fell asleep at two or three and was up and back at the office by six or seven. Weekends he brought home everything he hadn't had a chance to complete during the week. Mostly, it was contracts and demo tapes, but some weekends found him back at the studio, finishing a recording for Nittle Grasper, or working out the timing of an arrangement. He'd been working seven days a week for months, and he was feeling the strain with everything in him, but he refused to back off, refused to quit. There was simply too much to do. Besides, the more he kept busy, the less time he had to think.
Putting aside the third contract in an hour he got up and refilled his coffee cup and was on his way back to the table to start on the next when there was a knock at the door. Thinking K must have arrived with the things he had requested for Shuichi, Tohma padded silently to answer it, throwing the door open and stepping back without bothering to look through the peephole first. He was momentarily shocked to see Mika, and he only stood and stared at her silently before being able to summon up a small smile and ask her to come in. He offered her coffee and was refused, so he waved her toward a seat on the couch, but again she refused. Feeling uneasy he turned and looked at her, leaning back against the support column between the windows.
"Since this obviously isn't a social call, can I ask what brings you by, Mika?"
She sighed. "Tohma, he asked me to marry him."
Tohma was silent for a long minute, simply looking at her, expecting to feel al surge of jealousy, of rage, of righteous fury that another man would dare to ask his wife to marry them. Instead he felt a wave of guilt and resignation, followed by a wall of fear. He swallowed them all as quickly as he could, trying to keep his face smooth, to not show what he was feeling. He wanted her decision to be her own, to be what was best for her, not what she would do for his sake.
He took the envelope she held out to him, taking out the legal papers inside and beginning to look them over. She wasn't asking for much, just the house and her car and a small lump sum that Tohma assumed she had decided would be enough to cover the wedding. It didn't take him long to read through it, even with her standing only feet away and studying him like a hawk, looking for anything that would give her a clue to what he was feeling. He could feel her watching him, knew the emotionless facade he had put up frustrated her, but he refused to let it go. If he did, she would know he was afraid of this, afraid to not have this moment looming over him anymore. She might realize he was afraid of what else might be waiting for him once this had passed. Finding nothing objectionable in the papers since she had agreed to give up her shares of NG to Tohma, he picked up a pen from the table and signed all the pages that needed his signature, noting as he did that Mika had already done so, then folded them, placed them carefully back in their envelope and handed it back to her, glad his hand didn't shake as he did so.
He walked her to the door, and he was caught completely unaware when she turned and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him close and whispering a harsh, tear-choked "thank you" in his ear. He let his eyes close and wrapped his arms around her one final time, his own voice harsh as he whispered back.
"Good luck, Mika. I hope you find your happiness."
Author's Note II: I know you were probably expecting the lemon to be in this chapter, but Tohma just opened up and I couldn't resist getting a little more in depth about him. Next chapter, I promise! :o)