Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Apogee ❯ Chapter XVII ( Chapter 17 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: Gravitation is not owned by me, it is owned by Maki Murakami. I own nothing.

Author's Note: This is another short one, but the next will be a lemon, I promise.



Tohma took off his glasses and calmly set them down on top of the pile of contracts on his desk. His eyes closed, and he rested his head in his hands, thumbs rubbing circles against his throbbing temples. The past few months had been difficult, to say the least. He sighed, something that was becoming a habit of late as he sat back in the leather chair, glancing at the clock. He was ready to quit for the day, and it was almost time for him to go home. He stood, slowly piling the contracts neatly, folding his glasses and putting them in their case, setting contracts and glasses in his briefcase and shutting it. He pressed the button on his phone for his secretary, asking her to call his car to be ready out front and set his hat on his head, picking up the briefcase in one hand and tucking an unopened express envelope under his arm. He would go home, try to pretend he was working for a while and then go to bed and pretend to sleep before getting up and doing it all over again the next day.

The ride downstairs didn't take long and the car was waiting when he arrived. He got into the backseat and looked away out the tinted glass as he allowed someone else to drive him home. He'd been driving himself, but had stopped when he'd nearly fallen asleep waiting for a stoplight. He had the money to hire a driver, and since he wasn't sleeping, it seemed like a prudent choice. His thoughts drifted as he looked at the people on the sidewalks outside the car. Bad Luck's new album was in the sealed express envelope lying next to him on the seat, and that brought up thoughts of Shuichi. He had been brought down when Shuichi had left his apartment with Eiri, the blow of the divorce and then loving and losing Shuichi all in one day had nearly been too much. He remembered throwing his coffee mug, but he didn't remember falling to the ground, just knew he had been there long enough that when he finally did move, his legs had been cramped and the side of his face was numb. He had spent the entirety of the next day trying to convince himself that he could handle seeing Shuichi at NG on Monday morning, that he would be able to smile through hearing that he and Eiri had patched things up, that he wouldn't break in front of Shuichi, determined to let him think it had meant as little to Tohma as it must have to Shuichi.

Tohma had been expecting to hear the latest gossip about Shuichi and Eiri floating through the halls on Monday, and had been surprised to learn that Shuichi hadn't shown and wasn't answering his phone. When he still hadn't shown at almost five o'clock, Tohma had gone to his apartment building and sweet-talked the building manager to open the door for him so he could check on Shuichi. He had expected to find Shuichi either still asleep or not there, most likely to be found at Eiri's, still sleeping. He had been hard-pressed to remain calm when he saw what Shuichi had done to himself, the softly spoken words of explanation cutting him straight through. He'd struggled to keep himself together as he had done what he could for Shuichi, but he'd lost some of his hard-won composure when Nakano had confronted him. He so rarely let go enough to let anyone see what was going on beneath his smile. Most of the breaches in his facade had involved Eiri, but lately, Shuichi had been the cause of them. He wondered just when the younger man had begun to mean so much to him. Asking Nakano to take care of Shuichi was one of the hardest things he had ever done. Everything in him wanted to be there, to hold Shuichi and reassure him, but he didn't want to make things worse.

He had begun to think of how he was going to handle making Shuichi understand that he was in no way responsible for any arguments he might have with Eiri, but it was taken away from him when Nakano had brought the paperwork to him for Bad Luck's transfer to LA. He still remembered the cold voice Nakano had used to tell him that he had taken advantage of Shuichi in a vulnerable state, that he had used him, and that the only way to keep Shuichi was to let him go. A hard knot had formed in Tohma's stomach, a knot that had refused to leave and that he could feel still. He thought briefly, longingly of the bottle of antacid in the kitchen cupboard. It seemed to be the only thing that kept him going at times, when the burning ache in his gut became more intense. He didn't have much appetite anymore, but he found eating small amounts of rice for breakfast and lunch helped soothe the burn, giving him just enough help to get through the day until he could get home and take a long drink from the bottle in the kitchen. He couldn't take it with him, he couldn't show any weakness, and Ryuichi would find it when he went through Tohma's office looking for the candy or pocky that Tohma hid to keep him occupied. Ryuichi would tell Noriko, and then he would have to explain it. It was easier to just wait and keep it at home.

The car stopped in the garage of his building and he got out, taking his briefcase and the envelope with him, anticipating another night where he only fell asleep a couple of hours before dawn and then got up, exhausted, only to start the cycle all over again. The ride in the elevator was uneventful, only one other person getting in, an elderly woman who lived on the eighth floor with her son and his wife. Tohma nodded pleasantly to her, holding the elevator doors open for her as she made her slow way on and off the elevator. The brief time it took to get him up to eleven was spent in a slight daze as Tohma could only look forward to being alone, again. A few times over the last months, he and Eiri had spent an evening together, mostly because Eiri showed up out of the blue with food, not bothering to hide that Mika had sent him to make sure Tohma ate something. Most nights, however, Tohma spent alone.

When he opened the door to his apartment and saw the lights on, he expected to look into the living room and see Eiri waiting patiently with a book and food, so the sight that met him came as more than a little bit of a shock. Shuichi leaned against the couch, his violet eyes glittering, a small smile on his face. He wore the pants and shirt Tohma had given him to wear the last time he'd been here, the shirt left open and showing a smooth, pale chest and stomach, the pants zipped up only enough to keep them from sliding off his slim hips. Tohma only dimly heard the briefcase and the express envelope hit the ground, he saw Shuichi's lips moving and thought he heard his name, but the combination of shock and exhaustion were stronger and he felt as though he were falling as everything went dark.