Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Cats, Crutches and Babies? Oh My! ❯ No More Tears ( Chapter 25 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. I just love it to the point that this came spewing out of me for all you guys to read and enjoy. So…enjoy! ^_^

 

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“Aren't you going to hug your little brother Eiri? How long has it been since you've seen him Eiri? Just hug him and wake up Eiri. He missed you so much while you were-”

 

“Eiri!”

 

The novelist's eyes flew open as he was startled awake by Shuichi's voice. God he hated it when his ears woke up before the rest of him did. They had a nasty habit of bleeding dream sounds together with real ones and not bothering to tell him which ones were which. How the dreams seemed to carry on seamlessly while somebody's voice (usually Shuichi's) randomly drifted into them was beyond his comprehension so early in the day, though admittedly he didn't dwell on it for too long because he had other things on his mind.

Like killing his fiancé and then going back to sleep.

Just before he flew off the handle, the thought processing portion of his brain kicked in and reminded him that Shuichi wouldn't have woken him up unless it was important, for fear of his life, so the writer decided not to kill him just yet.

 

“Whaaat?” Eiri moaned sleepily at his lover as he pulled a sequined maroon couch cushion over his face to block out the sunlight, since he couldn't roll over. Just why the novelist had a maroon cushion with sequins on it in his house was beyond him, but at that moment it didn't really matter. The ugly thing was doing the job.

Shuichi grabbed the cushion off of his husband-to-be's face and tossed it aside. Eiri groaned and went to reach for it again, but Shuichi just rolled his violet eyes and grabbed his lover's hand. The tired writer didn't put up much of a fight, a clear sign that he wasn't feeling one hundred percent. Normally Shuichi would have been dodging loose change by now, since all the heavier stuff off of Eiri's bedside table would have already been hurled into the hallway.

 

“Stop that and listen to me!” The fluorescent locked vocalist demanded. Eiri sighed and rubbed his eyes, wincing slightly as his ribs protested the movement of his arm.

 

“What do you want Brat?”

The novelist hadn't slept well because it had been impossible to roll over onto his stomach (which was how he normally slept), or even onto his side. His back hurt, his sides hurt, his neck hurt and his leg was throbbing. And Shuichi was now standing between him and his painkillers. He either listened or suffered the consequences.

 

“Tatsuha-kun just called me from Sakuma-san's place. He said Ryu-kun's in bad shape and that he keeps asking for me, so I have to go over there and see what I can do before I head to the studio.”

 

What was it with everybody and Tatsuha these days? Eiri wondered. A week ago he was just the writers smart ass punk of a little brother, barely a passing thought. Now he had Tohma pissed off at him, Ryuichi infatuated with him and he was calling Shuichi's private number! All of a sudden that poor excuse for a monk brother of his was the center of attention and Eiri had no idea why.

Whatever the reason for it, the writer was just glad that he was no longer the center of everybody's concern…for once in his life.

 

“And you woke me up to tell me this because…” Eiri trailed off and made a “please continue” gesture with his hand.

 

“Because I'm worried about Ryuichi-kun, and since he's your brother's lover and my friend I figured you would want to know.”

A soft furry body rubbed itself up against Shuichi's ankle and he bent down to pick up the thus far nameless orange tabby, a smile spreading over his face.

It was Eiri's turn to roll his eyes as he watched his lover snuggle the kitten up to his chest while babbling to it in baby talk.

 

“You know that thing isn't going to live long if you keep smothering it like that.” He was feeling much more like his old cynical self now that he had finally looked at the clock. It was nine thirty in the fucking morning.

 

“No she won't and stop calling her a thing! She's a she! And what a cute little she you are!” He babbled as the kitten snuggled itself up under Shu's chin.

 

Eiri ignored what Shuichi had said about the cat and focused on getting the brat out of his sight so he could return to the semblance of sleep he had been trying to achieve before the brat had come in a woken him.

“If you want to get to Sakuma-san's place and deal with his sorry ass before getting your own hauled into work at gun point by K-san I suggest you get moving.” Eiri reached his hand out around Shuichi's hips and nudged him aside so he could grab the pill bottles off his night stand.

Shuichi looked at the clock as well and realized that there was some merit to what Eiri had said. K really would hunt him down if he didn't show up there within the next hour or two. He was late as it was.

 

“Alright alright I'm going. And when you wake up, at least try to be nice to the kitty?” Shuichi set the baby cat down on the floor and she immediately began to attack the singers pant leg with her tiny clawed paws.

 

“My definition of “nice” isn't the same as yours is Brat.”

Shuichi scowled at him, but only because he knew his fiancé was right. “I mean it Eiri, just be civil for once!” He declared seriously.

 

“Alright! I'll be `nice' to the stupid thing okay? Now get out of here so I can go back to sleep!”

 

The singer wasn't sure he wanted to leave the two of them alone, but he had no choice. He had to go to work and he had to go and see Ryu, and the kitten couldn't come with him to either of those places.

Perhaps, under different circumstances she could venture out with him and over to Ryu's, but he wouldn't have time to drop her off at home before going to work today so there wasn't any point in considering it an option.

The singer leaned down to try and kiss Eiri goodbye but the writer swatted at him as though he were an annoying insect and told the kid to piss off and let him sleep.

Shuichi wasn't getting any good vibes from the mornings proceedings and something told him that his day was only going to get worse.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Tatsuha had never been so glad to see Shuichi in his life.

“I'm so glad you could come Shuichi-kun, We didn't know what else to do.”

 

“We?” The singer looked around the foyer and noticed that there were three strange pairs of shoes sitting there. One pair was too large and the others too small to belong to Ryu or Tatsuha. “Who else is here Tatsuha-kun?”

Shu asked as he gave the tattered looking young monk a reaffirming pat on the back.

 

Tatsuha pulled Shu into a quick hug, grateful for the singers physical support, before directing him down the hall. Shu was instantly greeted with relieved looks from both K and Sakano-san when he stepped into Ryu's nicely furnished living room.

 

“What are you guys doing here?”

 

Sakano stood up from the sofa and bowed to Shuichi before launching into his explanation.

“Well you see Shindou-san, Sakuma-san was supposed to be at a photo shoot location in Shibuya this morning and when he didn't show up we called here. Nobody answered, and he wasn't picking up his cell so K-san decided to--”

 

“I decided we had best come over here and drag his lovey-dovey ass out of bed. Sakano-san came with me to make sure I didn't hurt him...too badly.”

Shuichi still looked confused, the term `lovey-dovey', which K had said in English, wasn't registering with him at all. The blond had a habit of sporadically lapsing into his native English mid sentence and Shuichi, who had only scraped through English in High School by cheating off of Hiro, could never understand what he was saying.

 

“Ruvy-druvy?” Shuichi attempted to imitate K's English, making the big American smile and shake his head.

 

“Never mind that Shuichi-kun, I just mean that whenever he gets a new lover he skips out on work, the little shit. I assumed that this time would be no different, but when we actually got here and found him, I realized that there was a little more going on then I thought.”

 

“So what happened? What's wrong with him? Is he sick? Why does he want me here? Can somebody please tell me what's going on!?”

Shuichi was full of questions, which so far hadn't been answered. Everybody was being really vague about what was wrong and his worries were only increasing.

 

The men in the room all looked at Tatsuha, as if waiting for him to come forward and explain. He was, after all, the only person who had been there when it happened. Nobody was going to say it was his fault, because this was bound to happen at some point in Ryu's life, and Tatsuha had just brought the wrong thing up at the wrong time. It appeared that he was just as shaken up as Ryu.

 

Tatsuha leaned against the northernmost wall in the room, and rested his arm on the television unit as his hand wound through his thick black hair.

 

“I'm not sure what happened. I mean I know what he did and said, but mentally? I couldn't tell you. I think something must have snapped, because he just lapsed into this screaming, crying…thing, sort of half in and half out of…well his different selves.

I just asked him why he acted so immature and…you know just how he acts, and the next thing I knew he was screaming and crying and…and uh-” He couldn't bring himself to repeat what he had heard Ryu say. So far relaying this much had brought his voice wavering and close to tears and he didn't know if he could handle losing his composure yet again today. “I'm just so scared for him. There's something wrong and I don't know how to fix it…to fix him.”

 

Shuichi could see that Tatsuha was having a really hard time with this whole ordeal, and if it had been Eiri, the singer knew he would have been as much of a wreck himself, if not more so. He walked towards the tearful eyed young man and put an arm around his shoulder, as he had in the front hall.

 

“It's alright Tatsuha-kun. I'm worried about him too. We all are. You don't have to tell me if it's hurting you, okay?” Shuichi patted his back and boldly headed for the hallway leading down towards the rest of the apartment.

The group in the living room followed slowly behind him, not wanting to witness what might happen between the two singers, but at the same time afraid to miss it.

 

Shuichi knocked on the wall beside the shoji screen door to Ryu's room.

“Ryuichi-san? It's me, Shuichi. May I come in?”

The singer heard whispers coming from the other side of the door and a shuffling of what sounded like bed covers.

To Shu's surprise it was not Ryu, but Tohma who answered back.

“Yes, please come in Shuichi-kun.”

 

The young singer turned to look at the men following, as if to ask “Why is he in there?”

They all just stared back, looking hopeful.

 

Shuichi slid the door open slowly and stepped inside Ryu's bedroom. The first thing he noticed was that the brunette had changed the furniture around since Shu's last visit. The bed and night tables were on the opposite wall from the closet instead of next to it and the armoire and dressing table were directly across the room from the door, rather than opposite the foot of the bed as they had been previously. Vaguely pondering the sudden room change, Shuichi walked over to the edge of the bed, where Tohma was sitting with Ryu's head in his lap.

 

“Ryu-san? How are you doing?” He asked gently as he knelt next to them, arms folded and resting on top of the covers.

At hearing Shuichi's voice, Ryuichi slowly turned over and faced his friend.

“Hi, Shuichi.” He said softly, Kumagoro clutched against his chest with one arm.

 

Shuichi looked up at Tohma with a speculatory gaze, before returning his focus to his friend.

“Hi Ryuichi-kun. Are you doing okay?” The singer repeated his question once again in hopes that he would get a better answer.

 

Ryu remained in silent thought for a moment, then replied, “I'm tired na no da. Kuma-chan is tired too. Are you tired Shuichi?”

 

“No, Ryu-kun I'm not tired. I had a good sleep last night. Why are you two tired?”

 

The brunette sighed and snuggled closer to Tohma. The blond continued absently stroking the singer's hair as he looked down at him with a pained expression Shu had never seen the older keyboardist display before, though it was one that he himself was quite familiar with. To Shuichi, Tohma looked genuinely heart broken, and it seemed that the hair stroking was just as much for his own comfort as it was for Ryu's.

Shu was aware of the history between the two legendary `Grasper members and knew that this must be just as hard, if not harder, on Tohma as it was on Tatsuha. Tohma and Ryuichi both had irreparable damage to them that no amount of time would ever be able to fully heal. This looping paradox that they were in with each other wasn't helping things either and Shuichi suspected that no matter who said or did what, Tohma was the one who suffered most.

 

One moment Ryu would take things seriously and despise the things Tohma said and did to him while still having physical attraction to him, but the next minute he could be his happy fun loving self and be begging the keyboardist to innocently snuggle with him on the couch and watch anime. Add to that a whole pile of unrequited feelings and some sexual tension and it made for a pretty unhealthy relationship, one that neither of them seemed to be able to escape.

 

“Ryu?” Tohma said quietly, “Shindou-san asked you a question. Don't you think you should be polite and answer him? You were the one who asked for him to be here.”

 

“Sorry Shuichi. Are you mad?”

 

“It's okay Ryuichi-kun, I'm not mad. If you don't want to talk to me it's okay, I can just sit here and keep you company if that's what you want.”

Shuichi wasn't lying in the least, he was prepared to sit in silence with Ryu as long as the man needed him too. Both his manager and his contract holder wanted what was best for Sakuma-san, and right at that moment, the best thing for him was Shuichi.

 

Ryu turned and looked up at Tohma.

“Can you go sit with Tatsuha for a few minutes Tohma? I'm sure he's feeling sad now too, and you're good for sad people.”

 

The producer looked a bit betrayed by Ryu's request, but it was a fleeting glimpse into an emotion that rarely surfaced. The ingrained instinct that drove him constantly against all odds to make Ryuichi happy, took over and a smile replaced his dejected frown as he rose gracefully from the bedside. It made Shuichi wonder who really needed who is their relationship. Ryu snuggled up to the pillow the blond had been resting against once the veteran keyboardist was off the bed.

 

As Tohma turned to walk out of the room Ryu called to him.

“Wait Tohma! Give him Kumagoro. Kuma-chan knows how to make him all better too, ne Kuma?”

He made the little rabbit nod his head three times in rapid succession before snuggling him back into his chest.

 

Shuichi half expected Tohma to turn, bow and declare, “As you wish master.” But of course he didn't. The older man gently took the precious stuffed toy from Ryu's outstretched hand, smiled at him kindly and carried it off with him out of the room.

 

“He uses that language a lot now. He never used to.” Ryu announced randomly as he stared up at the patterns on the ceiling, his fingers tracing over the patterns in mid air.

 

“What language? You mean Kumagoro-chan?”

 

“No. Tohma's smile talk. He doesn't think anybody can understand him when he speaks it… but I can.”

 

Shuichi wasn't sure what to say back to something like that. Here he had figured Ryu was spinning off into one of his tangents about Kumagoro, but the brunette managed to shock him by launching into another of his strange musings on life which always came out funny, but made so much sense they were scary. They sounded like his mature self thought them up, but they got garbled into kid speak on their way out through Immature Ryu's mouth. Or perhaps the innocence of Ryuichi's nature just caught on to the subtle things that adult minded people missed in their own everyday mannerisms and gestures. Things that betrayed what they were really feeling deep down inside themselves, no matter how hard they tried to cover them up with false smiles.

 

As Shuichi was thinking things over, Ryu reached down and grabbed his hand, pulling it close.

 

“Ryu? What are-”

 

Ryuichi flipped Shu's hand plam side up and placed his own hand next to it. “Do you see it?” He asked his pink haired friend and he gently traced the lines of his hand.

 

“See what Ryu? My hand?”

 

Ryu shook his head. “No. The `M'. Every hand has an `M' of lines. Most people say it's `M' for marriage, but Tohma's `M' is for miserable. Hand meanings are just like smile talk. They tell you things without saying them. See?” He held up his own hand, displaying the criss-crossed lines that made up his own `M'.

 

Shuichi was starting to get confused again, but didn't have time to be that way for long. Ryu placed his hand over Shu's and laced their fingers together. He drew his body close to the interlocked limbs and snuggled them next to his cheek in a way meant to draw peace and comfort from their closeness. It was only a few seconds before Shu felt tears on the back of the hand Ryu had clasped with his own.

The older singers bangs fell down across his face to hide what it was saying, but Shu knew he was hurting.

He reached his free hand out and gently rubbed circles on Ryu's trembling back. He didn't say anything because he knew from experience that crying people usually didn't want to talk. They wanted to cry.

 

After a couple of minutes, Ryu brought his face up to look at Shuichi. It was red and glistening with tears, but beyond that the pink haired singer felt a change in his composure .

“I get so scared in here sometimes I can hardly stand it.” He whimpered between sobs.

“In where Ryu?” Shu asked, his voice full of compassion.

 

“Inside me,” The brunette replied softly, “Inside my head. Some of these things Shuichi…I just wish they would go away!”

The older of the two vocalists put both his hands over his head and buried his ashamed face into the covers of the bed. “I hate being so afraid.”

 

Shuichi figured that something like this was going to happen, as soon as he stepped into the bedroom and saw Ryu laying with Tohma, he just knew.

“Is that why…you started crying this morning Ryu-chan?”

The singer didn't look up, so Shuichi continued.

“Tatsuha-kun said that you started freaking out and crying, because of something he asked you. What did he say?”

 

Ryuichi shook his head back and forth. He didn't want to start crying again. He didn't want it to start hurting again.

“No. It hurts Shuichi, I can't.”

 

“You have to tell me what happened or I can't help you get better Ryu. Do you understand that?”

 

“I know, but it's…” There was a pause and the hair on Ryu's arms stood up. “I don't like to let those memories out. I keep them inside so that they won't hurt us again. Do you understand that, Shuichi?”

 

It was now obvious that Ryu was switching back and forth between his two different personalities and now the older Sakuma-san was out because Shuichi was putting too much pressure on the younger one to answer things he didn't like to hear.

“Yes I understand. But I know that whatever happened to you is what made you the way you are and it's why Tatsuha is scared for you Ryu.”

 

When Shuichi mentioned Tatsuha Ryu looked up, his eyes wide and full of concern.

“He…he told you he's scared?” The singer asked fervently.

 

“Yes, he did. He said that there was something wrong with you, something he didn't know how to fix, and so he's scared.”

 

Ryu sighed heavily and closed his eyes. He turned away from Shuichi and faced the ceiling once more. In a calm but serious voice, one that the young singer had never heard before, Ryu told him everything. He told him everything that had happened earlier in the morning and everything about the day he met Kumagoro. The manner in which Ryu told the story was truly humbling to the younger singer, his voice never faltered and he didn't cry. It was almost like he was telling a story about somebody else's life. Shuichi listened intently, his mouth hanging half open until the moment Ryu finished. “Ryu…I-”

 

“Shuichi?” The brunette asked softly.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Do I scare you?” He whispered almost to quietly for Shuichi to hear him.

 

“No of course not! I…I had no idea that your childhood was…well the way it was. I just wish there was something I could say or do for you right now, but-”

 

“Well, there is something you could do for me.” Ryu sat up in bed, his arms wrapped around himself as though he were cold. He turned to look at Shuichi, who himself looked close to tears after hearing a story like that told in such a detached voice.

 

“There is? W-what do you need? Would you like some water or som-”

 

“Can you…can you just hold me? I feel like I'm not real anymore and I don't want to float away…”

 

Shuichi crawled up and sat on the bed beside his friend. If the most he could do was give him a hug and a shoulder to lean on, then that was what he was going to do. Ryu leaned against him and wrapped his arms around Shuichi's back tightly, Shuichi following suit with his own arms. Ryu's breathing was jerky and Shu knew that the man was crying again, but he didn't care. Ryu had every reason in the world to cry.

As the two sat there, Ryu trying desperately to stay with himself, and Shu giving all he had in regards to comfort, they both shared a single common thought between them.

 

“Help…”

 

~*~*~

 

For MM.org Reviwers:

To Tusuke Kounami : First things first, I'm glad that you enjoyed all of my work so far, you don't' know how much your reviews and support mean to me. As a fellow author I'm sure you can understand my feelings here. For those people that don't write I don't' think that they understand just how it feels to get reviews so know that you aren't just wasting your time writing something that you aren't even sure people are reading. Your reviews make this all worth while darling and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.

 

Secondly you asked in a previous review about Ryu's past. I thought it up myself, as his past and explanations as to why he is the way he is are not yet given to us in the manga series. I say not yet because the way Gravitation EX is going I have a feeling anything could spring up…Even that.

From taking psychology I know that there are several possible things that could be wrong with him, if he were a real person, and so I just took the causes of those and made up a traumatic past that I figure might invoke those same characteristics in a living person. Hence the parent homicide/suicide thing.

Thank you very much for all the detailed reviews on my workmanship and for all your loving and continued support. I hope to hear more feedback from you soon luv.

To Jen-jen: Yes I know, it is truly horrible not to get anything in return for these chapters. From the hits on each one I know many people are reading, but I guess they don't want to tell me what they think. That's their choice and I am not a fic writer who demands reviews in return for her work. I love my own writing too much for that. But I do love getting reviews and comments on my work so I greatly appreciate the time you took to write one for me.

I'm glad you like my rendition of Ryuichi, because he always has me a bit nervous, mostly because I never know how he's going to come out of me next. Perhaps that is why you like him so much. I am not sure. What I am sure of is that he is a blast to write and characterize, and I feel sooo sorry for him right now. I hate to do mean things to innocent people, but sometimes they have to be done for the greater good of the story.

 

For Gurabite Reviwers:

To Annie: Thanks for the review hun. And yes Shu did buy Eiri a car a bunch of chapters back. Just hang in there, the result of that will be coming up pretty quick! ^_~

PinkIchigo: Nothing says “I love you” then a bluntly put, two word sentence with the word Fuck in it right? Thanks for the love darling, I hope you liked this chapter as much as the others!

Dax: Thanks for the review hun. Glad you liked everything. Yes, kitty is quite cute. It may be funnier to keep in mind that the kitten is based on one I have right now in real life. Most everything that happens in regards to the kittens in this story is based on my little girl Silla, right down to the lap piddling! She is such a sweet girl.

 

As for Tohma and Eiri's relationship, I try to keep things as human as possible, because I hate it when I read stories where people ignore what the two had together once and just make Tohma a bastard and Eiri evil and inhumane towards him at every opportunity. While it is true that Tohma is not the nicest of people, he loves Eiri unconditionally and even thought Eiri can be a heartless jerk, he was in love with Tohma once and the relationship that the two of them had, as well as what happened to Eiri in NewYork, leads me to portray their interactions the way I do. You don't love somebody to the ends of the earth for the most precious and impressionable years of your life, have that person save you from things that you feared the most and not have any feelings left later on in your life.

Shu and Eiri on the other hand…

You said it best. “Shuichi is giving Eiri his heart back and Eiri is giving Shuichi more of a back bone“. Too true.

 

As for the baby…You'll have to wait and see!