Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Cats, Crutches and Babies? Oh My! ❯ Falling Embers ( Chapter 32 )

Drifting lazily through endless clouds of beer foam, shortcake and ear plugs, Eiri suddenly found himself falling out of the sky. He wondered briefly, as the wind whipped through his blonde locks and the clouds made of his favorite things in life turned to dust, how he had been flying in the first place? His complete lack of disregarded for the fact that he was seconds away from becoming an Eiri flavored splotch on the street could only indicate one thing; he was dreaming. The millisecond he hit the street in his fictional dream world his body sprang to life in the real one, trying to catch itself as though he had actually been falling. His broken appendage screamed at him with bolts of throbbing pain and his ears convulsed as his cell phone buzzed and sang it's annoying down tempo song right next to his head. That ring tone could only mean a call from one person; Tohma.

Shuichi stirred, groaning morosely as he curled his head closer to his lovers chest.

“Urhnn…turn…off…too loud…”, was all Eiri was able to make out as his partner buried himself further under the blankets and began whining indolently from beneath them. Quite obviously he wanted to stay asleep, and the blonde didn't blame him. After all, by the time they had finally gotten to sleep, it had been somewhere in the ball park of three thirty, possibly even later.

 

“I've got to take this,” Eiri grumbled as he heaved his stiff body out of the warm bed and reached for his robe and crutches simultaneously.

“Just ignore it! Come back to bed and cuddle-”

“What part of `I've got to take this' don't you understand?” Eiri snapped, cutting off Shuichi's request. The smaller man withdrew himself further into the nest of bedding, like a snail shrinking into it's shell to seek protection from some predator. Eiri watched as his lovers face contracted into a familiar hurt expression that had been so habitual when they'd first met, but had, until just now, faded into extinction. The writer hadn't seen it in a long time and it hurt him in places that normally shouldn't hurt to know he was the one who'd brought it back out.

The blonde sighed as a look of remorse overtook his expression.

He clicked the `Ignore' button on his phone and tossed it back onto the bedside table. Shuichi gave him a puzzled look and was about to ask who it had been when Baby took the liberty of breaking their awkward silence. She promptly commenced her morning ritual, which began with her demanding attention in the cutest way possible and finished with leading one or both men into the kitchen to fix her breakfast. She clawed her way up the silk sheets, Eiri cringing visibly at the sounds her tiny claws made as she hauled herself up onto the bed. He just prayed she'd eventually get big enough to jump onto the bed, otherwise they were going to need to get different -and much less expensive- sheets.

 

“Good morning, Baby!” Shuichi enthused brightly, stroking the tiny cat's head. She started to purr immediately and rubbed herself along every part of the singer she could reach, eventually winding up on top of the pillows and tangled in Shu's hair. Eiri surveyed the displayed cuteness and couldn't help but smile warmly when Baby spooked herself by backing into the headboard unexpectedly. He gave a bemused sigh as he sat back down on the bed and scooped her up with one hand. Placing her on his chest, he reclined back, resting against the pillows.

The little orange tabby didn't seem to notice that Shuichi was pulling at the tip of her tail gently, she was too preoccupied with the soft down of fine blonde hair on Eiri's chest. Shuichi first brushed a hand down the length of the kitten then let it continue to run down his lovers chest. “You need to shave again I see.” He quipped as he flicked his eyes up to meet the writers.

“So do you.” Eiri countered wryly as he drew a finger along Shu's less than smooth jaw line. “Shut up! I do not!” he yelped playfully before shooting to the bathroom to look for himself. Baby looked stunned by the sudden flurry of sound and movement.

A very loud, “Eww, gross!” followed by some giggles, emanated from the master bathroom before the younger man reappeared.

 

“I believe congratulations are in order.”

Shuichi looked puzzled. “Why would that be?”

“Because you've finally hit puberty.”

“Well what do you know, miracles can happen!”

Shuichi gave an exaggerated, sarcastic laugh then set his face straight and solemn as he rolled his eyes. He did this in the span of about 30 seconds, which was about all the time it took for him to make it back to the bed.

 

The writer grinned as he adjusted the pillows behind him. “I'd hardly call waking up with facial hair a miracle, Idiot.”

“Yah, well, unlike you, I don't wake up looking like a mountaineer every morning!”

Eiri hardly had any stubble at all after only one day, in fact it usually took him a good two or three days before a beard really started to show. Partly because of the speed at which his body grew hair, partly because the hair was blonde. Either way Shuichi was over exaggerating, but whatever it took to make the kid feel better he'd go along with.

“Right. Well, then you obviously haven't looked at your back recently.”

Shuichi looked shocked. “Oh yah, how would you know!”

Eiri tilted his chin down towards his chest and looked up at Shuichi suggestively.

The singer blushed, which never failed to make Eiri's pulse quicken.

“Oh…right.”

“You are so stupid sometimes you know that? I mean it's a wonder you're still alive.”

Shuichi's expression hardened. “I am not! You're just mean! And I do not have a hairy back!” He lit off for the bathroom again, but this time he didn't make a peep until he was back sitting on the bed.

“As soon as your leg heals we're both going for full body waxes,” he said point blankly, staring at the wall.

 

Eiri smiled as he brushed Shuichi's rough jaw again, taking silent pleasure as the boy squirmed and tried to get away.

He lifted and turned his lover's face from side to side, looking at all the angles with a critical eye, “Oh, I don't know,” The author added coyly, “I think it adds character.”

Shu rolled his eyes. “Right, like I don't have enough of that already.”

 

The black cell phone Eiri had discarded earlier started to ring and vibrate, startling them momentarily. He looked at the call display out of habit, but he already knew who is was from the ring tone.

“It's Tohma, for the second time now. As much as I don't want to, I think I should take this. Mika was having trouble getting a hold of him last night and I'm pretty sure I know why. You know what he's like.”

Shuichi gave a nod of agreement and leaned over to give Yuki a quick supportive kiss, before scooping Baby up into his arms.

“Come on Baby, let's give Daddy some privacy. You hungry?”

Baby, seemingly on cue, meowed her agreement to the singer as they passed into the hallway. The bedroom door clicked shut shortly after.

 

Yuki took a deep breath, then answered. “What do you want?”

“I would like to know why you ignored my call earlier.” Tohma countered, his tone uncharacteristically cross.

“I was busy.”

“At eight thirty? Strange, I did not think you woke up this early, Eiri. What could you have possibly been doing that would make my call so easily ignored? Do I mean so little to you now that you have another man in your life?”

The writer knew that was what this call was going to be about and he was not looking forward to it.

An audible groan came from Tohma's end of the call, but it hadn't come from the blonde himself. Who was there with him?

“Who was that?”

“Don't ignore my question!” Tohma cried angrily, his words slurring ever so slightly. Eiri pieced together that the older blonde was probably drunk, or still drinking, which did not bode well for the conversation to come. Tohma was one of those men who got overly aggressive when he drank.

 

“What where you doing that you couldn't take the time to speak with me? Do you not care about me anymore?”

“Of course I still-”

The younger blonde's rebuttal was cut short when there was a shuffling noise on the other end. A strange voice started speaking to Tohma in the background and out of curiosity Eiri stopped talking to listen.

“Babe…come…bed with us…who…talking to?” was all he could comfortably discern, but with a small amount of imagination, he knew what would fit in those gaps.

It was now apparent that Tohma was with one -or more- of his flings, probably some overly ambitious members of one of NG's newest groups. It was public knowledge that Tohma was married and obviously these kids were either stupid, or had no qualms about fucking older, married, men together in order to bring their careers into the lime light. Eiri shook his head.

There were times, in the early days of their relationship, that Shuichi was maddeningly bashful in bed, and then there were days like this when Eiri was glad he had been so naïve as to have such scruples in regards to his body and sex. It meant that he had never been just some nameless young kid laying naked in the background, and for that Eiri was eternally relieved.

 

“Who's there with you, Tohma?”

“Why do you care?” The older of the two shot back.

“Because you're married to my sister you ungrateful bastard. Open relationship or not, I don't think she deserves to wait up all night worrying about you, while you get drunk off your ass and fuck every guy you see.”

He purposefully dragged out the word `guy' because he knew it would irk Tohma to have what, and who, he was doing, thrown in his face. He had been raised in a very strict, traditional type home and regardless of how old he was, or how much he denied it, Eiri knew there was a part inside Tohma that was still ashamed of his sexual preference. It was a part that could be exploited and the blonde novelist was never one to let an enemies weakness go unobserved, or un-capitalized upon in a battle of wits.

 

“What my wife and I do is none of your business, and neither is who we choose to do it with.” Tohma was pissed, it carried in his voice, but he couldn't hide the pain that was slowly bleeding into his words.

“And you, of all people, are calling me ungrateful? After all I've done for the career of your pathetic excuse for a boyfriend. True enough, Sakano-san's hunch turned out to bear fruit, literally and figuratively it seems, but don't think I wouldn't tear Shindou's contract up in a heart beat if he did anything to hurt you. The only reason he was able to get this far was because I knew there was something inside him that could help you. Help you in ways I couldn't. If it weren't for that he'd still be bussing tables six days a week and opening for bands with half his talent.”

 

Eiri sighed, quite obviously frustrated. Not many people could get away with talking trash about Shuichi like that, but he let it slide because he knew the real reason Tohma was upset.

“I take it you are unhappy with our latest news then?”

“If by unhappy you mean that my heart has been crushed and irrevocably scarred then yes, I am unhappy.”

Furrowed eyebrows joined an already worried pair of eyes on the younger blondes face. “I'm at a loss for words Tohma, we've been over for years. Isn't it time for both of us to put this in the past? I don't know why you are so upset over me being happy, finally, for once in my life.”

The proverbial last straw. Tohma lost it.

 

“Because I remember everything, that's why! Everything! I remember all the things you would not pay a passing glance to, the tiny things most people forget. Stupid, pointless memories haunt my thoughts every time I see you, every time I hear your voice. It's always wonderful to me, even when your words are harsh and cold, because I remember the things you used to say. And they were beautiful.”

 

Tohma paused to draw a rather deep, ragged, breath and it was then obvious he was trying to keep himself from crying.

“I remember you tying your shoes. They were brown and the left one was scuffed from when you tripped coming up the stairs to the apartment. It was a Thursday. I remember all the shades of blonde your hair would turn. In the shower, or the sun. In the rain and in the glow of the TV screen late at night. Each color was different from the others it seemed, and they were all so stunning. I remember all the laughter, and the pointless, silly conversations we would have, laying naked in the dark. And I remember all the things we did in that darkness, the things you begged me for, the things that made you whimper and scream--”

 

“Enough!” Eiri screamed loudly, hand covering his eyes as tears threatened to spring from them. He lowered his wavering voice to just barely above a whisper, “How dare you make me remember those things. Do you honestly think I forgot everything? Do you think I don't dream about them, that they don't haunt me too?”

The author sighed harshly as he wiped tears from the corners of his eyes. His throat was burning; from anger; from tears he forced himself to withhold; from stress.

“You and I…it was so long ago…and I'm sorry. I was young, confused, and you were there for me when nobody else seemed to care. I didn't know the world was a terrible place then, but I learned. ”

 

“Eiri…” Heavy remorse gilded Tohma's words, an emotion he rarely let slip past his immaculately carved persona.

 

The writer continued. “I learned things about people, things no child should ever have to learn. And you stayed with me, even when I wouldn't talk, when I went back to Japan, when there was nothing but desolation and anger, and ice in my heart. Nothing was there to hold you to me and yet I still saw every trace of love you could spare. For that I will always be grateful. But things change, people heal and where you saw an opportunity to protect me from the world, someone else saw a way to fix what was wrong and get me back out into it.”

 

“Eiri you don't know what it was like for me then!” Tohma cried in defense, “I had no experience dealing with something like this, what was I supposed to do except try to protect you? I saw this wonderful, confident, boy who loved me to no end turn into something fearful and cowering who hated me, and I had no options. I tried to help you, but nothing seemed to work. So I babied you and did what anyone would do to try and erase that goddamn look from your face! I still see it every time I close my eyes; desolate and forlorn, as though the sun was never going to shine for you again and you knew it. For years you wore the face of a condemned criminal waiting his turn on death row and I couldn't do a thing about it, so tell me what was I supposed to do?!”

It may have been a grim assessment, but that had actually been how Eiri felt for years after his attack, after he'd killed his beloved sensei. No finer point could really have been put on it.

Tohma continued his rant.

“For years we had what we had, and I accepted my marriage to your sister, because it kept me as close as I could get to you. I resigned my hopes of you ever becoming who you were before, or loving me like you used to. Then, some kid bounces into the picture and suddenly you're willing to change for him? You're willing to love him but not me, when all I have ever done is care for and support you? I don't understand it!”

 

“But you're wrong,” Eiri admitted quickly, “I wasn't willing to change, Tohma. I didn't want to. I tried everything to avoid it because who I was protected me from people, from being hurt again. He made me confront my demons and slowly, painfully, against my will, I changed. It was that transformation that made me see things in him I had not seen in another person in years, he reminded me so much of...of Yuki. I started smiling more, laughing even, and slowly I realized that change didn't always have to be bad. I want things to be okay between us, but that can't happen if you carry such antipathy towards a person I love more than anyone else on this earth. I changed for the better. Can you do the same?”

 

Tohma, who had been sobbing quietly through Eiri's speech, cleared his throat. “For years I have wanted nothing more than to see you smile again, Eiri,” he sobbed, “to hear you laugh. I wanted to be the one who brought those things back into your life, and I learn now that my selfish desire has done nothing but hurt you further. Shindou was able to do something that I hadn't been able to do in twice as many years, and it hurt me that you would let him fill my place in your heart as you slowly grew colder towards me. I have wanted happiness to find you for so long, even before you were…before you'd been…and, now that it has found you, all I can think of is myself. Can you forgive me for being so selfish? Can you forgive me for everything?”

 

Eiri nodded as a tear trailed down his face. Voice wavering, he granted that forgiveness.

“Of course I can,” he replied softly.

 

“You do not know how long I have waited to hear you say that. It is a shame we are so far apart, a moment like this calls for a hug, wouldn't you agree?”

“Maybe,” Eiri agreed, sniffing a bit to control his running nose, “if we were other people.”

 

“Of course,” Tohma answered back, giving a reserved laugh. “I want you to know that I will always be here for you, whenever and however you need me. All you have to do is call.”

“I know. I've always known. Thank you.”

 

Silence settled in as the two blondes recuperated from their talk. Neither one was used to expelling so many emotions all at once and doing so was rather taxing.

 

“Should we send you an invitation to the wedding?” Eiri asked finally.

“No, thank you,” Tohma replied evenly. “I don't think I could bear it. I'll be sure to send a gift along with Mika however, if she decides to attend.”

“That's what I thought,” Eiri confessed. “I don't know if I could have you there anyway.”

“It's for the best then,” the older blonde answered softly. “But, I suppose I should let you go, I've got two young men here that have been beyond patient with me. Goodbye--”

“Tohma?” Yuki cut in quickly.

“Yes, Eiri?”

“This is the last time you'll ever hear me say this or anything like it, but I want you to know…I love you. And I will always have a place inside me for you and all the things we've shared together.”

Tohma smiled.

“That's all I needed to hear to make it worth my while.”

And he hung up.

 

Eiri kept the phone pressed to his ear for what seemed like hours, even though there was nobody there. He finally dropped it when an automated voice recording began instructing him on how to properly place a call.

Two hours after that, Shuichi knocked on the door.

 

“Yuki? Yuki are you okay in there? Can I come in?”

 

The writer didn't really care much one way or the other. Solitude was proving to have an indifferent affect on his mood, but the company of another human being wasn't always influential either. Usually, but not always.

He settled for letting Shuichi do what he thought was best. He gave a low groaning noise from the back of his throat, one that could be interpreted as disdain or indifference, and waited. The door opened.

 

“Hey,” Shu asked, “you doing okay?”

He snuck over to the bed and sat down, gingerly. It was eleven and Eiri still had not smoked a cigarette that morning. Considering that and his conversation with Tohma, Shuichi was astounded he was not being screamed at.

When the writer just kept looking out the window, the pink haired singer scooted over and arranged his lovers head in his lap. He was surprised to have his actions met with minimal resistance. Something was not right.

 

Gently stroking the blondes hair and massaging his temples, Shuichi asked again.

“Are you doing alright? Please, talk to me.”

The blonde sighed apathetically as he let himself be molly-coddled by his soon-to-be husband.

Blankly, he murmured, “I think I've talked enough for one day.”

“Do you want me to go?” Shuichi made a move to leave, but Eiri halted his movement with one word.

“Stay…”

 

It was then that the author reached up and removed one of Shuichi's hands from his hair. He laced their fingers together, Shuichi's hand on top of his own, and held them gently in the middle of his chest. He continued to look out the window, watching clouds idle past as they headed to wherever it was that clouds went on December mornings.

 

“I'm tired,” Eiri mumbled vacantly, his face practically expressionless as he lost himself in the gentle sea of blue and white flowing outside the window.

“Do you want to take a nap?”

 

The blonde sighed listlessly.

“No,” he said, shaking his head, “I mean I'm tired of myself; of decisions; of changing.”

He gave a small, bemused laugh. “I've changed so much it's hard to tell who I am some days. I can't tell if I've changed into someone new, or changed back into someone I used to be. Who's the real me?”

Shuichi smiled. “I think everyone wonders things like this from time to time. Even I wonder about myself some days. I'm not the person I set out to be when I was growing up, that's for sure. I don't conform to the adult standard I used to strive toward as a kid, but that doesn't mean I'm not me, or that I can't be happy just as I am.”

Eiri directed his gaze at the ceiling, almost as if he were looking for direction from a higher power. “I think I need to call my therapist and see if she makes house calls.”

 

Shuichi smiled down at him, then blew softly at his bangs trying to draw his attention.

When Eiri finally responded and looked up at him he replied, “I think that's a good idea and I'm sure she'd love to hear from you again. How long has it been now since you last went to see her?”

The blonde brought a hand to his brow in contemplation. Thinking for a moment he then replied, “I don't know…a year maybe?”

“Wow, that's great!” Shu exclaimed, “I remember when you used to see her once every couple of days, and you were on all those pills...Come to think of it you drank more back then than you do now. I'm so proud of you.”

 

Eiri scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“No really!” The singer insisted, “I am! You have no idea how many people doubted you'd be able to make it this far. They all told me I was nuts for even attempting to help you and now look at us! Ha ha!” He held up one of his classic “V for victory” hand signs.

Shuichi was beaming with pride when the blonde man glanced back up at him.

“Thanks for the pick me up. Glad to hear everyone had such faith in me.” Shrugging his shoulders, Yuki went back to looking out the window.

“Sorry,” Shu apologized, “I didn't really think-”

“Uh huh, there's a first.”

“Hey! I mean I'm sorry if it upset you.”

“It didn't, I was being sarcastic.”

“Oh, there's a first!”

“Nice comeback, Brat. One hundred points for originality.”

Shuichi rolled his eyes. “All I'm saying is you and I, we beat the odds! You did most of the changing though and for that I am so proud of you.”

“Did you feed Baby this morning?” Eiri questioned, ignoring Shu's emphatic commendation.

“Yes?” Shuichi replied slowly, inflection closing out his statement as though he were asking a question.

“I did that when Tohma called back the second time. Don't you remember me kissing you and leaving with her?”

“Oh,” the novelist replied, “sorry, I remember that now.”

Shuichi smiled. “It's alright everyone forgets things, besides, it shows you love her!”

Eiri smirked. “Who said I loved her, Brat? I just don't want a dead cat in my house, which is what I'd have if you didn't feed her.”

 

The singer started playing with his lover's hair again.

“Yah right,” he replied, voice carrying his disbelief. “You know, for a writer, you sure aren't that good at lying.”

Eiri smiled. “Nothing in my job description says I have to be a good liar.”

“Well you're still not very good at it.”

 

They sat there, each content with the others company, until Shuichi remembered something he had meant to ask his lover when he'd come in.

“We still have all the stuff we need for Okonomiyaki, so do you still want me to make it for dinner tonight?”

 

Eiri grimaced. “Do you plan on cooking it by yourself or am I allowed to coach?”

“You can coach if you want to, but I can make it myself you know!”

“Trust me, the kitchen will thank you for letting me help.”

Shuichi rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he sighed compliantly, “but only if you agree to wear the pink apron that says `kiss the cook'.”

It was Eiri's turn to roll his eyes, but begrudgingly, he accepted the terms.

He'd do anything he could to keep one less kitchen backsplash tile from becoming blackened and charred beyond recognition. That and he secretly liked cooking in the obnoxious pink apron.

 

The novelist slowly leaned up and got ready to start his afternoon. After the sex the two of them had had the night before, he was in desperate need of a hot shower. Unfortunately, his cast made it near impossible to take a shower without risking injury, so either he was going to have to get Shuichi to scrub him down first while he sat on the lip of the tub, or he was going to have to break tradition and take a bath without showering off first. Neither prospect could be completed without the mood killing plastic bag over his cast, but it was either that or not bathe until he was fully healed.

He opted for the pre-bath hubby scrub down.

 

Eiri sighed loudly and rubbed the back of his head. “Go get a garbage bag…I need to take a bath. And yes, before you ask, I am going to need your help.”

 

~*~*~*~*~

AN: Well, this one is another of those heated convo's between two of our three favorite blondes (Obviously the third being K! ^_^)…always interesting to write them, I like inventing back story. So yah an update on my personal life, things have been coming along quite well with therapy and dealing with my dad, my job is great and my mom and I bought our own place with a yard and everything. We get possession August 19!!! Uh lets see what else…umm, almost finished my dog training course and I'm adopting a retired racing greyhound sometimes before the year is out…uh…convention season is sadly coming to a close for me soon, (only getting to 1 con for sure this year… not much of a season…) but miraculously I may *fingers crossed on getting my passport back okay* be attending Yaoicon in San Francisco with a friend this year so if anyone wants to meet up with me and say hi or whatever just let me know and we can set that up! Hope to see some of you guys out there! ^_^

For MM.org Reviewers:

None!! You ingrates j/k!! ^_^

For Gurabite Reviewers:

 

Black Neko: Glad to hear I have your undying allegiance mwuahahaha!!! I shall continue posting to this as long as it takes me to finish up and I have no (and some…) idea of when that might be. I do believe I have an ending in sight *le sigh*. Yes the tables turn once again. I see you enjoy it as much as Shu-chan and Eiri do (insert fluids here). But before you go and give my unending dirtiness the full credit, you might want to know it was more of a lack of options because of Yuki's injury (didn`t think that one through too well…) and boredom with positions and things, than me actually wanting to put Eiri on his back again, screaming for mercy. (although I do have to say it`s getting easier…uh oh for poor Yuki.) I mean let's be honest, there are only so many ways fully functioning bishies can fuck, and I just cut out like 80% of those positions with Yuki's injury. Logically, it makes sense to cash in on Shuichi's healthy body and growing love of topping as well as Eiri's begrudged comfort on his back and secret love of playing uke like a boy in a schoolgirl uniform. Luckily Tatsuha and Ryuichi, being two healthy boys, gives me a wonderful outlet for some of my…erm…creativity. We shall be seeing more of them getting it on, this I can be sure of ^_~.