Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Charisma, Maybe ❯ Impossibility ( Chapter 9 )

Chapter Title: Impossibility

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Well, it’s been two days since I confessed my love in the most insensitive way imaginable and I still haven’t been dropped from the band. I would be relieved, except I haven’t heard from him in three days. No one has. Nakano-san isn’t worried, saying that we don’t have to worry until Shuichi’s been gone for four days with no word. K-san and Sakano-san are understandably less calm about it and have unleashed a massive manhunt for him.

I’d ask my cousin if he has any clue, but I’m not sure if I want to risk getting him angry at Shindou-san. Plus, then Tohma would ask why I of all people am concerned enough to ask him for help and one thing would lead to another, and yeah, I’m not going to ask him.

It’s quiet in the studio without him. Normally it’s not a bad thing, except by now he should have burst in and made a whole bunch of noise, livening the place up with his special, frantic brand of energy. I should be calling him lazy and stupid, he should be complaining about how my arrangements have ruined his artistic vision and well, so on. In retrospect, it was a nice routine we had going and it’s a real shame I decided to ruin it.

“Argh!” I yell, slamming my fingers down on to the keys, creating an incredibly harsh sound. And I find myself staring in shock at what I just did. I can’t believe I just pounded on one of my precious, beloved keyboards. I never, ever slam my fingers down on the keyboard. It’s stupid, immature and childish. “What’s he doing to me? What did I do to him?”

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I eventually gave up on working when I realized that not only was no one going to be coming, but that I was becoming more and more dangerous to my keyboard by the second. I’ve been walking around aimlessly for hours, enjoying the smell of my own angst. Okay, not enjoying it. Is it even possible to enjoy misery?

Probably not I decide. More like able to tolerate it more. And the day certainly is a lovely enough one. Sunny, warm breeze, not sweaty out. People clearly enjoying themselves without being terribly noisy. Shindou-san would probably be in a good mood himself. I can imagine him on Eiri Yuki-sensei’s arm, dancing around, pointing at different things.

Yeah, that’s right, Eiri Yuki, not me. I realize that I really can’t see myself with him. Not in the least. We don’t fit together at all. He’s short, I’m just a littler shorter. He’s plain, yet cute. I’m even plainer and more childlike in appearance. I couldn’t understand him if I even tried, let alone provide some sort of balance. How could I even think that anything could come out of me liking him?

Shaking my head, I decide not to think about things that will make me more depressed. Unfortunately, that becomes a lost cause when I come across a near by book store. A magazine rack is on display, featuring Eiri Yuki on the cover. Instead of doing the smart thing and just walking by without another glance, I pick up a copy and begin to analyze it. Or rather, analyze him, my unbeatable rival of sorts.

The truth is Eiri Yuki is in a sense my ideal. And by ideal, I don’t mean lover nor do I mean role model. What I mean is that I wish I could have been born as someone like him. Someone handsome, strong, cool and dangerous. Everything female seems to be in love with him and it’s a proven fact that at least some percentage of the male population gets a hard on just looking at him. He takes no shit from anyone and says what is on his mind. And everyone loves him for it.

I turn the magazine upside down, then sideways, looking it over, absorbing every feature, so that I can remember just why I’m not good enough for Shindou. It’s not because Shindou is better than me; it’s because he seeks someone so much better than everyone else on the planet. The boy has set his sights way too high and is now unable to adjust his vision back to normal. Or rather, the unbearable crick in his neck prevents him from looking downwards.

Then again, I doubt Eiri ever hit as far below the belt as I did last night, so I’m sure that also helps his case. I finally shove the magazine back into place and continue on my way, still trying to puzzle out the mystery of everything that just happened. Okay, that sounded like bad poetry. Then again, Shindou Shuichi is bad poetry.

“And now, he has me thinking in bad metaphors.” Realizing I said this out loud, I groan. “And talking in bad metaphors.” I should look for him, so that I can make things right. Not that I know where he would be. I could always ask someone who knows him where they think he would be expect for the fact that they would have already looked. Except, then they’d have to ask why I was interested in looking. I’m not ready to let anyone else know how I feel. Not yet.

Hmmmmmm…. If I were Shindou Shuichi, where would I go?

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Okay, I give up. There’s no way I could ever even pretend to understand his mental processes. I’m going home. I begin to secretly curse to myself as I pass a dark alleyway and I’m so busy doing so that I don’t see the strange figure in the alley way until it grabs me. I scream and curse, putting up a mighty fight… Or I would if his grip wasn’t so tight.

As I’m drug further back into the alley, I have the thought that he’s really short for a kidnapper, not much taller than me in fact. And he smells like… pocky? “Shindou!!!” I shriek as I rip his hands off me and turn around. And sure enough, there he is, looking flustered. “What the hell are you doing? Where have you been?”

“Calm down Fujisaki, I really can’t handle any yelling right now.” He sounds tired and looks hung over.

Taking his advice, I take a few breaths. “Do you realize that everybody’s been looking for you?” I say quietly, through clenched teeth. “Where the hell have you been?”

He shrugged, as if I was making a big deal out of nothing. “A few hotels and that. Nothing important. Why, did you miss me?” He says the last line sarcastically, a mean spirited smile on his face.

“This isn’t about me.” Well okay, it is, but he doesn’t need to know that either. “It’s about you and this irresponsible vanishing act you pulled.”

“Liar, you were worried.” He grins and pats my cheek good naturedly. “Maybe now you’ll think twice before calling me an idiot? Not that I did this to get back at you or anything. I just needed a break, that’s all.” He looks away from me, still maintaining that air of superiority.

“That’s perfectly normal for you though.” I mean that too. He always finds the strangest moments to run away from it all. In fact, I’m actually a little jealous. I sure as hell wish I was irresponsible to run away from all my problems. Now even more annoyed, I grab him by the shoulder and begin to drag him.

“Ouch! Fujisaki, what are you doing?” He doesn’t struggle; he just wriggles and complains a lot.

“I’m taking you back to your apartment. Then I’m calling the others and letting them know you’re home. And then,” I take a breath, praying for strength, “We’re having a little heart to heart.” He stares at me then smirks.

“Heh, heart to heart? I bet.” I resist the urge to ring his neck and continue dragging him. “I never would have figured that you’d be such a cave man, Fujisaki.” He says it with a low purr in his voice that causes me to shudder.

“Shut up!” I begin to drag him a little more roughly, causing him to cry out in protest. Ignoring him, I’m now intent on dragging him back home, even though I really, really don’t want to. Even though I know it’ll be awkward, annoying and humiliating, we need to have this conversation.

“Ooooh… You’re trying to be all tough and manly. I like it.” He smirks as he says it and I groan inwardly. Oh god, please don’t make me kill him.

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To Be Continued…