Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ D. C. al Fine ❯ Prologue

All rights and privileges to Gravitation are copyrighted trademarks and property of Maki Murakami, and all peoples associated. The characters of these fictions are used WITHOUT permission for the entertainment purposes only. This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit. As if anyone would actually pay money for this thoughtless drivel. And even if they like it, it's right here and money is not required. So there! Bottom line: I don't own them I just like to play God with them. Like an ant walking back and forth across my feet for what seems like miles upon miles. Or a bug with a magnifying glass as it slowly burns into nothingness. *Ahem* Yes, I don't own them. Never have. Never will. *Sigh*

Title: D. C. al finé
Pairing: Ryuichi/Tatsuha
Contents: POV Lemon Angst Fluff? YAOI!!!!!!!!!
Spoilers: Ryuichi's a sex god and Yuki has a younger brother? Most are in my A/N...oops
Summary: Ryuichi's fucked up, literally and metaphorically…
Rating: if ya can't tell from the summary, NC-17
Status: Complete
A/N: This is an experiment on my part about Tatsuha witnessing Ryuichi's personalities. (PWP *cough*) But Ryuichi obviously has MPD, but it's not really that chronic because he remembers from his different personalities what he's done. (Remembers episode 2 when he says he wants to sing with Shuichi again, and in episode 13 when he tells Shuichi to shine.) So, I'm assuming that he does remember, but needs something to trigger the changes and something to cause multiple personalities to begin with. And this is also a satire of a Yami non-con I wrote over the summer (even down to the comment about Watson), so maybe some of the occurrences would make more sense after that, but reading it isn't necessary. Because, you see, I have to do this. MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!

D. C. al Finé

"Hidoi!" Sakuma-san screeched, running into to far corner of ni-san's apartment. There, he crouched, glaring up at me with betrayed eyes.

"Ryu-chan!" I huffed, not really meaning to get frustrated. "You know I didn't mean it!" I really didn't mean to insult him, but all I did was mention ni-san and Shuichi-kun's relationship. Not really grounds for moping, at least by my book.

"Yes you did!! I hate you, no da!" he sulked.

"No you don't," I said gently, approaching him slowly. "If you hate me, Kumagoro will be upset."

He curled up even more, clutching his bunny-bear even tighter to his slim chest.

"Kumagoro hates you, too, no da!" he retorted defiantly, sticking out his bony chin.

Bending down over his huddled form, I resorted to bribery: "If you forgive me, I'll get you something nice."

"I don't believe you, no da," he pouted.

"Hm.. Let's see… what would Ryu-chan like?" I tapped my forefinger to my chin, supposedly in thought, but I already know what to say. I bet it looks cool, though.

"Ryu-chan wants Tatsu-chan to be nice, na no da." His eyes darted from Kumagoro to me and back again.

"I think that Tatsu-chan can do that," I smiled, adopting the third person he started.

"Tatsu-chan will be nice to Ryu-chan, no da?" he perked his head.

"Yup," I nodded.

"And Tatsu-chan will get Ryu-chan a milkshake, da?" Sakuma-san's voice grew deeper, signaling a change in his personality. I raise an eyebrow, but nodded.

"And Tatsuha-kun will give Ryu a hug?" I choked on my breath, but nodded again.

"Yay! I love you, Tatsuha-kun!" He threw himself at me, knocking us both to the floor.

"Ack!" I yelped.

"URASAI!!"

Both Sakuma-san and I flinched as ni-san's voice rang through the cavernous apartment.

"But Yuki!"

"Out! Now!"

"But - " The door slammed before Shuichi-kun could get the name out.

"Eiri-san's mad, no da," Sakuma-san cradled against me, defeated.

"It's ok," I soothed, stroking his back, "Ni-san's not mad at you."

Ni-san entered the room then - stormed in, rather - glowering at me and somehow managing to cock an eyebrow at Sakuma-san.

"Why are you here?" he demanded acidly.

"I've been here since after Shuichi-kun's concert last night," I drawled in return, "As has Sakuma-san." Take that, prude bastard! Wait, if ni-san was a bastard, that would make me one, too… Best not to think about that.

"Get out."

"Huh?" I love it when my thoughts are articulated so well.

"Get out."

"Ni-san!"

"Out."

"Come on, Ryu-chan," I sighed. "I'll buy you that milkshake." I pulled him to his feet and tugged him by the hand. We walked dignity out of ni-san's apartment.

"Isn't Eiri-san mad, no da?" Sakuma-san asked once the elevator door closes.

"He's mad at himself," I spat, more crossly than I had meant to.

"You're mad, too, aren't you, no da?" He looked up at me pitifully.

"No, I'm not," I attempted a smile. "What flavor milkshake would you like?"

"Strawberry, no da!" he announced gleefully, taking my bait as the elevator dinged open.

~*~

It has been three months since that incident with Sakuma-san. He had gone off on tour, in Europe this time. I wonder what he would be like on an airplane. Would he be serious? Would he be fun? Or freaked? Eh. Anyway, he just returned.

Ni-san and Shuichi-kun had had sex the night after he kicked all three of us out, so I guess I could say that they made up.

"Tatsu-chan!" And Sakuma-san is holed up in ni-san's apartment, unwilling to stay at a hotel again.

"Yes, Sakuma-san?" I ask as perky as I can manage. And why not? I'm happy enough.

"Whatcha doing, no da?" he asks leaning over my shoulder as I stare out the large glass doors that watch the city. Hey, I'm not complaining about his presence. Ever since he's starting staying here, I've spent all of my free time here. Of course telling ne-san that I was trying to convince ni-san to come home. But she can see right through me.

"Thinking," I answer simply. About what, I'd rather not say aloud.

"About what?" Well, I could see that a mile away.

"Stuff." I love vague answers. Ni-san gets annoyed with them, but with Sakuma-san, I want him to stay close to me, breathing softly over my shoulder, his humid exhalations tickling the tiny hairs at the base of my neck. Hey, who say's ni-san's the only one in the family capable of romantic prose?

Speaking of which, ni-san and Shuichi-kun are conveniently absent, out on a date (not likely) or getting groceries - ni-san's down to just beer again and that mystery box that I don't even want to know what it *was* or how long it's been there. Anyway, it leaves me to 'baby-sit'. I love it!

"What stuff?" his voice drops in both volume and pitch, sending a shiver own my spine, embarrassingly erecting my nipples.

"Just… stuff." I find myself smiling contently.

"Stuff like what?" he asks a different way, lowering his voice again. I'm sure that if he is mouth hadn't been right next to my ear I would never have heard him. I guess that's what is considered a bedroom tone - low and sultry, full of promise - that thought went straight to my groin. Hey, just because I know about this stuff doesn't mean I've done it. I'm only sixteen!

"Stuff," I whisper back, my voice sounds husky in my ears, like I've just woken up. Great, I look foolish in front of Sakuma-san.

Something warm and wet bathes the back of my neck, down to my collarbone. I jump before I realize what it is; the area is cold where Sakuma-san's tongue had trailed.

"Sakuma-san!" Ok, I'm officially freaked. I turn to face him, my eyes wider than I thought they could be without drying up and falling out.

He latches his arms around my waist, holding me in place, not that it's necessary, I'm too petrified to react. I believe the cliché is 'a deer caught in headlights.' I'm not blinded, thought, but I wish I were gone… or not. I haven't decided yet.

I shake my head to clear my thought - doesn't work.

"Sakuma-san!!" I tear his arms away and find myself angry. Damn, Eiri! How was I to know I'd act the same as him in a romantic situation?

Wait…

I was in a romantic situation.

With Sakuma-san.

And I stopped it.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I expect him to be distressed and run to sulk in a corner, but he doesn't. He just looks intensely into my eyes.

Now I'm not only freaked, but unsettled and just plain terrified.

"Sakuma-sa - " I stop, not knowing what to say. The only time I've seen that look was when he was singing and I've only seen that on video.

"I've seen you look at me," he says intensely and seriously as his eyes. I blush against my will and bite back a smile. "I just want to - to give it a try?" It sounds like he's asking a question.

Respond. Respond… I open my mouth and close it several times, unable to get anything out but the dry click of my stunned throat muscles.

"Na, Tatsuha-kun?" his voice is growing raspier with each word. I can't begin to imagine what's going on inside his head.

I shake my head frantically, taking a step backwards, ending up with my back pressed against the cold glass of ni-san's window.

"Are you denying me? I want to be your first." He takes a slow step toward me.

"W-What makes you think that you'd be my first, Sakuma-san?" My voice doesn't sound as sure as I would like it to be.

"Why else would you be acting so skittish?" He cocks his head slightly to the right, his eyes still disturbingly intense.

"It might be that you're Sakuma Ryuichi." My voice still sounds wobbly and I swear it cracked. Damn puberty. I thought I was through that stage.

"That didn't stop you from looking; it's a different look than that which I get from my other fans," he shakes his head mournfully.

"How many fans have you made a move on?" I squeak, hoping he says something like 'Good point' and backs off.

He doesn't, he just answers with his silence. How many times has he slept with a fan?! That would mean that he whores himself, that I would mean nothing and am just convenient. That's depressing.

Gah! Here's my idol, doing something that I've always wanted him to do and I can't just be happy and let it happen. I think too much.

"Ryuichi!!" I scream, too panicked to do anything else.

He blinks and takes a step back. "Tatsuha-kun - I'm sorry. Oh no - I'm sorry! Please - forgive me! I didn't - mean to - I'm so sorry!"

"Sakuma-san?" I don't know which is more horrifying: him trying to get me into bed or him not realizing that he was trying to get me into bed.

He gazes pathetically at me through apprehensive lashes, searching for my acceptance to his apology. I don't know if I should apologize and forget it or not.

"I see," he sighs tiredly. "I'll be going now." He turns away from me and is almost out the door when I find my voice again.

"Sakuma-san! Wait!" I run over and grab his shoulder. "I'm sorry," I find myself saying. "You were right about those things and I over reacted…" Oh shit… wrong thing to say. That was too impulsive of me. Just don't walk out on me, please! Ne-san will have my hide!

She really will kill me. If Sakuma-san leaves, Shuichi-kun will be upset, making ni-san upset, and then Tohma-san will not be happy, therefore making ne-san on edge, and deductively, I'm dead.

Great, I'm doomed.

"Really?" he rasps softly.

"Really," I nod, smiling again, not knowing why.

"Really, really?" he asks in that same husky voice.

"Really, really," I whisper, again not knowing why.

He smiles at me, raising his hands to ruffle my hair. Only he doesn't stop. Oh, he lowers his hands, but one hand trails lightly down my cheek to outline my trembling lips, while the other travels antagonizing slow down to cup the base of my skull, sending those same pleasant shivers down to my groin.

That's why I was whispering and smiling - he was resetting the romantic mood.

Oh… I don't know what to do! "Sakuma-san!!"

"Shh," he hushes, his hand that was tracing my lips, presses against them. That's not going to help me relax! But I don't say that out loud. He leans in closer, "I'm not going to hurt you, Ryuichi."

I had been anticipating a kiss, but having him call me by his own name jolts me from my natural high. "Sakuma-san?" I swear, I've said his name too many times in the past twenty minutes.

"That's enough, Ryuichi!" he slaps me hard on my right cheek - the one he had just caressed.

"Sakuma-san!" I cry, "What did I do?!" I sound desperate even to myself. Or I know I'm desperate and it sounds like it just to me. I really think too much.

"URASAI!!" He strikes me again, knocking my painfully to the floor.

I pick myself painfully from the floor; that really hurt; I didn't know he had the strength in him, or maybe I was too stunned. Or maybe it wasn't his strength? Yeah, right. I see no pigs outside of ni-san's window.

If 'Sakuma-san' won't snap him out of it: "Ryuichi!!!"

"Tatsuha-kun?" Not again, is he going to apologize too? "I'm sorry - I - " I guess so. He reaches for me, but I recoil before he can touch me. I don't want him to hurt me again. I'm a fast learner: If the electric shock is on the cheese, I'll starve. I have nothing against starving, but I do have something against comparing myself to a mouse. Squeak, squeak!

"Tatsuha-kun?" He sounds genuinely hurt. Good, I'm hurt too, Sakuma-san. Doesn't vengeance taste wonderful?

What the hell am I thinking? I just sneered at a famous singer, a God - and even more, one who I thought was my friend. Granted, the sneer was in my head. But!

"Tatsuha-kun? Please call me 'Ryuichi'?" It sounds like a question, so I nod and he continues, "Sakuma-san was my father." 'Was' his father? As in, in the past? That's the first time I've ever heard him mention his father, or really his family.

"Sak - Ryuichi-san?" I correct myself, "You've never mentioned your family before." I love stating the obvious as much as I love being vague. (Ni-san hates that, too.) I don't ask why, I'll leave that for him to explain if he wants.

"I know," he responds stoically, staring strangely at me. He doesn't continue, but right now, I don't want him to talk about it. I want him to deliver what he promised. Call me selfish, or, really, inexperienced wanting him to teach me.

"Ryuichi-san…" I don't think this moment could get anymore awkward. The silence grows even louder and increases momentum as we stared, hurt, into each other's eyes.

"Would it mean anything if I said I was sorry?" he asks miserably, his voice cutting through the horrible silence.

I lower my eyes, ashamed. "No." It wouldn't mean anything. That has honestly got to hurt him.

"I am, though," he whimpers. "Tatsuha-kun, I truly am." I chortle, this is getting too weird and my mind is on overload.

"Tatsuha-kun?" he gives me a quizzical, yet concerned look. Oh man.

"Nanimo!" I say quickly, before I realize that that was not what I had wanted to say.

"Tatsuha-kun," he bows his head. Damn, he's going to try to escape again. "I'll be - "

"No, Ryuichi-san, stay," My voice is thick.

He looks up at me again with mortified eyes; tears are forming in the corners. He's going to cry on me…

Oh shit. I can deal with the sulky side, but not his depressed side; I don't know how to deal with the tears. I've never comforted anyone or have had anyone comfort me. Sakuma-san is so complex!

"Don't cry," I plead, grabbing him and pulling him into a tight embrace. Less desperately and softer, I repeat, "Please don't cry, Ryuichi-san." I bury my face in his dark olive hair. It's soft and smells not really like any shampoo, just clean. I wonder if 'Clean' is a shampoo scent. It would sure beat out gross floral scents and just plain chemical soap. Bleck.

"Tatsuha-kun? What are you doing?" he asks incredulously. Huh? Oh, man, I've been sniffing his hair like some crackhead. I quickly push him away. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Ite," he groans. I keep getting nervous and screwing up! Now I've hurt him and it's not like how he hurt me; I know what I'm doing. I think.

"Ryuichi-san? Do you… do you think - that…" I trail off. How stupid am I? I was just about to ask him to kiss me! Ok, I was going to ask for more, but there's no way that I could follow that through.

"Na, Tatsuha-kun?" His face is centimeters from mine, with those sparkling, tear-filled eyes. But that smirk… I don't trust it. Maybe he really is going to follow through with his promise. "What is it?" His voice is that deep husky tone that he used before. Point for me!

"It's just…" I lean in closer, whispering into his mouth.

"Just what?' he whispers back, his lips brushing mine. The soft contact is electrifying.

"Just…" I tilt my head and seize his lips. Oh sweet god. There is nothing to this kiss; it's just lips to luscious lips, no grinding or tongue involved. Chaste. My innards feel light, as if they did not exist, as if my inside was all matrix and nothing else.

We break it in mutual agreement, and I lick my lips, tasting him. He just ate a strawberry milkshake. That was cool… I want to do that again! We rest our foreheads against each other, panting softly and I close my eyes, hoping that he can sense my need - desire - whatever - to continue. Don't get me wrong, I'm not even close to hard, it's just he promised this and I'm excited.

"Tatsuha-kun, I want to - " he starts, his voice thick with something.

"Go ahead," I smile broadly, knowing - or it is hoping? - that he would deliver.

He snakes his arms around my back and tugs me in to spoon against his body. He smirks mischievously as he pulls me even closer to his warmth. His mouth descends on mine.

Oh god. Oh god. Oh freakin' god!

This kiss is different from our first one. Very different. I like it!

He grinds his mouth against mine, nibbling on my lips, grazing them with his teeth, and his sweet tongue dabs at mine. But I'm not too stunned to react, not that I know how to react… Sakuma-san doesn't seem to mind - or notice - as he continues furiously to suck my insides out through my mouth.

I claw desperately at his back, pulling him closer to me. Although I don't take his weight into account until it is too late; he's not that heavy, but he *is* a grown man and I'm just a scrawny teenager. His body pushes me against the window, but this time, I'm enjoying it.

Finally, I can think enough to kiss back, mimicking his actions. I'm clumsy at first, chewing at his lips as he did to mine. It wasn't a bad first attempt, but it wasn't good either, definitely not worthy of Sakuma-san. My head starts to spin with passion… all right, lack of oxygen. Reluctantly, I break away from those delicious lips with belabored breathing.

"Tatsuha-kun? Are you alright?" Sakuma-san asks into my throat, full of concern, his breath as ragged as mine.

"Yeah," I breathed. "That was wonderful!" I can feel his lips against my adam's apple with each word I speak.

"I want to continue," he whispers urgently, like a plea.

"Go ahead," I return, consenting, not really knowing what the hell I'm getting into, but I have always wanted to feel skin against flushed skin. Bah, teenage hormones!

"Mm…" he moans, one of his hands walks up my stomach under my shirt and the muscles on my torso dance under his teasing fingers. His other hand walks slowly up my thigh, arousing me at the prospect of *his* hands *there.* He captures my mouth again, exhibiting the same dominance as the other kiss, and this time I know how to respond. As he laps my tongue with his, Sakuma-san presses himself against the thigh his hand is not, slowly tormenting me. Heat rises from his groin as it pushes against my leg. He's hard. That thought excites me more than anything else; I've made him hard. Me, me, me, me, me! Life is good!

I twirl his dark strands of hair around my forefinger; it is so soft, like silk. Oh… when did my arms end up around him and my hands in his hair? Hm... I really don't care, but I do want to remember this.

He breaks off the kiss this time, and I don't know why. However, when I try to ask, he just trails his lips sensuously down my neck, grazing my throat with his flattened teeth, and my question ends up as an incoherent groan. Sakuma-san finds an appealing part of my neck and circles the spot with his warm tongue, he then fastens his mouth to it and sucks gently, occasionally dabbing the center with his tongue. It feels… amazing. Just amazing. The hand under my shirt has to flatten and press to hold me in place, as does the one on my thing. I squirm under those hands. He sucks on my neck like a vampire and by the time he finishes I have my very first purple-ly telltale hickey.

That was so wonderful; Sakuma-san is touching me in all of four places and he has me writhing under him. The power he has… and he knows it. There is something even more exciting than one's first hickey, and I'd have to guess it gets better. Judging by ni-san's books - and looks, erm, noises - it gets better. I wonder if Sakuma-san has gotten off on those erotic sounds as I have. I wonder whom he thinks bout. Going on his urgent sucking on my mouth and rubbing his hard on on my upper leg, I think it's me, not to be egotistical or anything. But, hey, if anyone disagrees they can just walk in right now and my point will be proven. Sakuma-san's molten mouth latches onto my left nipple - or is it my right? When did he take my shirt off? I look at myself and it seems that all of my clothes are gone, all higgledy-piggledy on ni-san's spotless floor. I don't know if I should be happy or embarrassed. All I know is that I really don't want that person to come in and prove my point. I'd like to leave my theories between him and me… or just me.

Sakuma-san's mouth chews on my left pectoral - I'm sure it's my left - as his tongue and teeth tug on the erect nipple. I've never felt so… whatever… full of lust? Well, I know that's accurate, but not the phrase I was searching for. Ni-san would know. Ok, that's disturbing. I will not think of him during sex.

Oh my god! Sex! With Sakuma-san! I won't mess up… I'll try not to mess up. Which means that I'll klutz out about ten times. Sex with Sakuma-san! I'm giddy - more than giddy. My head is spinning and my groin is tight. Whoa.

I have to make sure this is real and not some delusion from lack of sleep the night before. I open my mouth to say something and Sakuma-san's mouth latches onto my neglected pectoral.

"Sakuma-san!" I groan involuntarily. He looks up at me with his mouth still covering my nipple and gives me an intense glare. Oh shit! I knew I'd mess up! I knew it!

He bites into my puckered nipple, really damn hard; I can't tell if it's blood oozing down my chest now, or if it's saliva. But that hurt!

I push him away from my very naked and now very vulnerable body as hard as I can manage. He stumbles backward onto his butt with a thud.

"You damn punk!" Sakuma-san shouts gruffly. "You're going to pay for that, Ryuichi!" As he says this, he pushes himself gracefully to his feet, looking at me viciously, bloodlust and normal lust burning in his eyes.

I panic and start to babble insanely. "Sakuma-san! I'm sorry, I made the first move; I messed up, but I didn't mean it! I swear! It was - "

I find myself sprawled on the floor with a bloody throbbing nose and lip. I hadn't even noticed his fist flying at my face or even him coming toward me. Before I even get a chance to pull myself to my feet, he straddles my waist.

"You're a slut!" he slaps my head to the side. "Whore! Just like your cunt for a mother!"

Oh god, not again! Um! Um! Um! K'so!

"Constantly out with that Seguchi slut! Cheap, Ryuichi, you're so damn easy!" With every word, he slaps my head to one side and then the other.

One word stuck out above the rest, all right, two, and those were the names. "Ryuichi?!"

He leans back so that he is no longer hovering above my face, although he is still sitting on my waist. A film of water covers his sapphire eyes, deepening them to a navy.

"Tatsuha?"

Oh shit. With the confused look, he did it again. Again… he did it… Oh my god. That's it! The names are the trigger! They must be! What else could trigger the personality change? We weren't doing the same things, weren't saying the same things, except for his name… Sakuma-san, Ryuichi: Ryu-chan, Tatsuha no da: Ryuichi, Tatsuha. Elementary, my dear Watson.

"Yeah, Ryuichi-kun, it's me," I smile weakly, but knowingly.

"I'm sorry," he sobs, tears spilling down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh," I whisper, leaning up on my elbows, placing my forefinger to his quivering lips just as he had done to mine. I wonder if he is thinking the same things I did, that it wouldn't help.

"But what I've done - It's unacceptable!" He whispers miserably around my finger, brushing it softly with velvet lips, his tongue brushing against it with certain words. It sends that now familiar sensation down my spine. Yeah, familiar, all of three times.

"It's all right, Ryuichi-kun, it's not your fault," I assure. It really isn't, I think, just a conscious shift. If I recollect my school lessons accurately from two years ago.

"You're not repulsed?" he sniffles. Yes, I am. But I can't say that aloud, although I'm more scared than repulsed. But I think I know how to control his dynamic mood swings. I can help him, I think. I must only use my power for the goodness of all people. Muahahahahaha! Not to get cocky or anything. I think fear and cockiness are like oil and water.

"I see…" Saku - Ryuichi pushes himself off my waist, hands propping him up to give him enough leverage to stand properly. Well, he would have if I have not grabbed his shirt, throwing him off balance so he topples back down on top of me, pressing against my body shoulder to toe. His erection hadn't wilted in the violence, well, that's disturbing. Mine had, but feeling him against me fills me with a perverted sense of… whatever. I think 'lust' works there too. Eh, excitement also fits.

"No," I whisper into his very close mouth. "You promised something, you fulfill your promise." My hands are still tangled in his shirt and pull him closer so that our mouths collide. He carefully licks my split lip. After the sweetest kiss I have ever participated in, I continue my amiable lecture. "You can't run away just because your father was some sick bastard!"

"Tatsuha-kun," he averts his eyes shamefully. "I can't - I don't want to hurt you."

An idea pops into my head. A devious idea, that. He thinks he's going to hurt me so he won't try, he's given up, and so I point it out.

He closes his eyes and a strangled sob escapes his throat. I've hit the nail on the head. Head. Another devious idea! Or, rather, delicious. I lick my lips, ready to use them on Sa - Ryuichi-kun.

I sit up quickly, dislodging him from my waist and switching our positions so that I am now the one pressing down on him. I feel in control. Sort of.

"Not all sex can be painful," I state boldly, staring down into his surprised face. "Want me to show you?" I leer at him, silently promising, although I have no clue what I'm doing. Stupid, stupid.

He starts shivering under me as I ease off his lap, my hand 'accidentally' brushing against and lingering on his groin, my eyes following my hand.

I smile up at him expecting him to respond with a yes or no., but he just looks at me. His eyes aren't tense any more, just melancholic.

"Would you like me to?" I prod gently.

"Y - Noyes," he debates, defeated. Is that what he thinks he is, defeated? I want to help him. And now I'm beginning to doubt the power of sex. What reason did I have to believe in it anyway?

"Ryuichi-kun?" I prompt.

"Yes," he whispers almost inaudibly. The word is laced with pain and suffering and hardship. And this is supposed to be a nice first time. I'm too confused.

I slowly pop the button from his jeans, keeping my eyes trained on his face, watching for any discomfort. I sense nothing but intense want - need - desire. How can he change his personality on a dime? I lower his fly even more slowly than I opened the button, exposing his green cotton boxers. I guess I was expecting pink briefs. I ease his jeans down to his thigh, trying to be as gentle as possible. I go through the same procedure with his boxers, teasing myself more than him, I'm sure, but I do feel him wriggling his hips to help me with the disrobing process.

I lean back in awe. I have never seen another man's erection until this moment. It is weird. Not Ryuichi-kun, but the situation. Here I have Ryuichi-kun underneath me, hopefully soon to be writhing with pleasure and it's just weird. His purple hard on jutting from a mass of dark hair beckons me. I look into his eyes for an answer and yes, by his expression; I am permitted to touch him.

I smile, covering up my lack of knowledge, trying to remember ni-san's books where the fair maiden gets off with her white prince.

Reaching out tentatively, I touch him. He's so warm and it jumps on contact, a tiny gasp escaping his sensually parted lips. Senseing no fear, just surprise, I continue.

I lightly trail my fingers up and down his shaft, twirling them around the head, spreading the growing drop of precum with my thumb. Ryuichi-kun - hah! Didn't think of him as Sakuma-san - is now writhing his petite form, pivoting at the hips, and his legs kick out, but never aiming for something, almost as if he's being tickled. However, if he were being tickled, his eyes would not be glazed over and his jagged breath would be laced with laughter, not groans of passion. I love those noises, eating them up, feeding the blood in my groin. I try really hard to ignore my own need while I alleviate him; it kinda works - sorta.

I cup his balls tenderly, feeling them hum under my hand. He shivers and groans an incoherent word.

"What?" My voice is just as indistinguishable, so I tried again. "What did you say?" I look at his face. He mouths a word. I'm horrible at reading lips, so I ask again.

"Stop!" he gasps, his voice harsh and raspy, urgent and barely audible.

I scramble off him, hoping I didn't trigger the change in some way. He arches back and tries to control his breathing while he lies exposed on the wood floor not pulling up his pants to modestly cover himself. I stare at him expectantly. What I am expecting, I don't know, but I expect *something* be it cowering or hysterical sobbing or some other reaction.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, his voice dripping in shame. "I can't - just - " His voice hitches and he closes his eyes.

Here I am, going crazy with lust I never *dreamed* possible and he tells me to stop, that we can't do this. Well, if he won't let me touch him, I can at least touch myself, taking care of my need which I selflessly tried to ignore while taking care of *his* need.

I reach into my pants to embarrassly remember that I'm not wearing a stitch. My groin flutters at the needed touch and I try to push Ryuichi-kun out of my mind, well, his presence - that he's watching me pleasure myself, that - Oh, hell, the fact that he's watching me is even more erotic than pleasuring him.

I tease myself, knowing exactly what to do, where to linger; I wasn't kidding when I mentioned that I got off on ni-san and Shindo-kun, My passion-blurred eyes slide shut to the sound of a trapped murmur from Ryuichi-kun. My balls tingle as they tighten and I gasp, stars exploding over the backdrop of my eyelids. Losing it… I buck my hips into my hand and am about to climax, I can feel myself teetering on the edge of unrestrained want.

A hand grabs mine. My eyes fly open - Ryuichi-kun is grasping my hand like a lifeline. Normally I wouldn't mind, but now I'm almost blind with need.

"Let me." I barely register the timid voice until he breathes on my dick. I shudder as the painful breath accosts me.

I'm quite literally cross-eyed with lust and it is rather difficult of focus on the dark head attached to my crotch.

His tongue - I think that's what it is - flits over the head and that's all I need to finally climax violently. I feel guilty for not telling him, but I just have been yelled at, denied, and beaten waiting for that final release.

When I stop coming, I lazily look down into his blue eyes, able to see and hear again. Ryuichi-kun is trying hard to hide his coughing.

He gazes into my eyes, his eyes unnaturally bright. He then smirks at me, finally able to breathe again properly and lowers his head to my crotch. I almost yelp as his tongue laps at the sated organ, cleansing it. I squirm; his tongue is tickling me, but it feels so good, arousing me again. I didn't know I had it in me to get it up twice in a row. Go me!

"Ryuichi-kun, it's all right, if you don't feel comfortable with this then - "

He interrupts my groaned sentence with a sloppy kiss. His mouth doesn't taste like strawberries anymore; it tastes like… I don't know: salty, bitter, and slightly chemical - like soap. Oh! Oh! That's me I'm tasting! Now that's just plain sexy, or gross… kinky!

"No, Tatsuha-kun, no." No what? I don't get a chance to ask, however, before he runs his fingers from my armpits to my thighs, electing another moan from me.

"I still want to… if you'll permit me…" He doesn't look up at me. I really don't know if I should; he could get all grr on me again and fuck me until I bleed or he could be Ryuichi the whole time and sweetly make love to me. He hadn't achieved release yet…

Lust and love won out over pain and pride. "Yes…"

"Thank you, Tatsuha - you really - "

"Shh," I cut him off. "Don't explain yourself, you'll ruin the mood." Again, but I don't say that aloud. Besides, who knows when ni-san and Shindo-kun will return home.

He doesn't respond, but he looks hurt. Man, I keep messing up and now things are awkward again.

Ryuichi-kun flashes me a sunny smile, and before I even have time to be confused, he starts eating me again. His mouth and his hands are everywhere, his hard on peeking out of his boxers… when had he put his boxers back on? And it rubs up against my own partial erection.

I finally start to pay attention to his hands as he works a finger between the cheeks of my butt. That sounds crude, but it feels hot. I shudder and clamp my butt muscles around that diget, as it worms its way further down, down to -

Dear fucking god!!

His finger is literally up my ass… and it's the most wonderful thing I have ever felt. More wonderful than my first kiss, first hickey, and my first… partial blowjob… giving and receiving.

I jump forward, pressing flush against Ryuichi-kun's body, his finger withdrawing from my body painfully, like rug burn or those stupid Indian burns sadistic kindergarteners use to terrorize their playground.

I wince at the string of apologetic phrases he bombards me with; that is more painful than my burning ass.

Maybe we really shouldn't continue; I'm not prepared or ready; well, I want to, but I don't; it's too overwhelming. And I don't think Ryuichi-kun is either. I can wait, but I don't know about him.

"Ryuichi-kun?" I interrupt his inane babbling. "I cant -" If I were anymore blunt, I'd be a pebble on a beach somewhere. And now to turn the pebble - er, knife - counterclockwise. "I don't think I can."

He shoves me away, not hard, more like I've burned him - or stabbed him with a very dull knife-shaped pebble. Damn, there goes the guilt. I don't look into his eyes, but I've hurt him, again. Isn't this a funfest? My gaze wanders everywhere that's not his eyes and somehow comes to rest on his crotch. This idea is more impulsive than devious.

I sink down onto my knees, pulling his out from under him. He lands with a small 'umph' on ni-san's conveniently placed, yet strangely purple couch. I tear his boxers down again and bury my face in his crotch, taking him all the way into my mouth, well, as far as I can until my throat muscles gaga and I have to pull back. Oh, come on! All the chickies in ni-san's books can deep throat on their first try. Now I'm all pout-y. Instead of retreating all the way, I let my lips circle his head, my tongue accidentally stabbing the tip.

He moans in response and I'm glad that I made the mistake of stopping him, so I do it again. He has that soap taste - bitter - whatever; it's precum. My groin tightens even more.

I suck and suck and suck, like he's a lolly. Mmm! Tasty!

"Tatsu - Tat - ha - " He squirms, bucking his hips so I can take more of him into my mouth, but I don't. Not only does that make him beg prettily and writhe, but I also don't want to gag again. Ooh~ I'm being selfish again!

'"Gonna -" he gasps. I know what he's trying to say; I can feel him about to come.

I suck harder than I have ever done and he explodes in my mouth. It tastes gross, very eewy and I spit most of it up all over Ryuichi-kun and ni-san's formally purple couch. Oops. More than oops, it's very embarrassing, not only that, but I just came by getting him off. I cough loudly, unable to breathe, tears of air loss are collecting at the corners of my eyes.

Still coughing, I run out of the room, ignoring Ryuichi-kun for the time being, and grab a box of tissues from the bathroom cleaning my lower stomach on the way. I hastily try to clean both Ryuichi-kun and try to salvage ni-san's couch; Ryuichi-kun semi-helps me, but he's still in a post orgasmic daze.

With the couch sporting nothing but a wet spot and Ryuichi-kun clean, I finally look up at him.

"Well, Ryuichi-kun?" I ask sleepily. Are we done? When did I become so drained; I thought I drained him. Ok, lame joke.

"Best get dressed," he murmurs, sitting up and pulling his boxers and pants with him.

"Yeah." Slowly I do as he says, reluctantly covering myself. "Ni-san and Shindo-kun might be back any - "

"Shh! Don't say that," he feigns anger, at least I think he's feigning. "You'll ruin the moment."

"The moment?' I say slowly.

"Yes," he whispers.

I plop down on the couch only to spring up again; I sat on the wet spot. I sit down again on the opposite end. I pull my legs out and lounge.

"So…" I start, not knowing what to say, but felling the need to say something.

He looks at me pathetically, looking dejected. I open my arms and he scrambles into my lap. My god! Sakuma Ryuichi wants to sit in my lap. Ok, I thought I had gotten over the whole 'Sakuma Ryucihi, vocals for Nittle Grasper, Rock God.' I guess some things never change, even after sex. Heat rushes to my face at that thought, but surprisingly stays in my head, not traveling south.

"Yen for your thoughts," Ryuichi-kun tilts his head and kisses me soundly on my swollen lips.

"Keep your money… I was thinking about - I don't know…" I truly am an idiot.

"Oh," he eyes me incredulously, teasing me, squirming slightly in my embrace. He nips my nose playfully before he settles again.

"I love you," I blurt out. Dear god. I need to be invisible. Now!

He squirms again in my arms, capturing my eyes with his piercing blue ones. "No. No, you don't."

Ryuichi-kun doesn't leave my arms, though; he just continues to bore his eyes into mine.

"I - I don't?" I croak. I never in my dreams expected this. I - I don't know what I expected, I guess maybe him to confess undying love. My god, what a naïve fool I am.

"No," he nips my nose again. "There's a difference between a crush, love, and lust."

Ok, I know the meaning of all of those, but what is he getting at?

"Love is everlasting, forever, always. You're too young to know that, to actually experience it." I open my mouth to protest, but he stops me. "I don't mean reading your brother's novels, I mean gaining year upon year of heartbreak until you know exactly which person you want to be with for the rest of your life."

He settles in my arms. "You've heard the saying 'you can't fall out of love', well, it's true, you can't. You can fall out of lust, you can forget a crush, but you can't fall out of love.

"What you feel in lust, naturally for someone of your age, and a celebrity crush - "

"It's not a celebrity crush!" I find my mouth ahead of my brain again. And a complete lie; I know nothing about him.

"You've now just met the true Sakuma Ryuichi. Not Sa - Sakuma-san or Ryu-chan, just Ryuichi." His voice wavers and his eyes close, his face looks like he's in pain.

"Ryuichi-kun," I find my voice again, "I know that lust is part of it, but - "

"Shh," he whispers, brushing his lips against mine. "I think you've said enough."

"But - " He cuts me off, savagely attacking my mouth, dueling with my tongue, breaking away with a sharp bite to my lower lip.

"I said 'shh', so please don't, please." His eyes plead more than his word, and the intensity - I respect his wish though, contently - and silently - lying in each other's arms.

I'll ask ni-san for his advice about those words, but later… like when he and Shindo-kun return.

Well, I think I've had my first educational experience outside of school - second if I count ni-san and Shindo-kun. I've had fun - lots of it not including an attempt on my life - not that it was that life threatening - Yeah, all in all, a good day.

I came close to being laid, but hey, we all can't get everything we want, ne?

~*~*~*~*~

Owari. ^^'