Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Forever Gone, Forever You (revised) ❯ Chapter Nine: Forsaken: pt. II ( Chapter 9 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Crimsonreverse 
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.10.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.3K | Visits: 218 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.10.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.3K | Visits: 218 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I love you guys . . . thanks for all the nice reviews!Muah!
^.~ Chu!
Author's Note: Man . . . the second longest chapter I ever written. Anywho . . . who can believe it . . . Shuichi doing drugs? Why couldn't he just say no? It's not hard, it's not like someone was forcing him. nothing major. Well some of my reader wanted to know where I got the name Dylan for a girl, simple I have a friend who's name is Dylan and he asked me if I ever wrote a story, use his name, but make the character a girl. So there. . . hello Dylan, which doesn't seem bad to name a girl anyway. Well, of course like the title said, it's part one of Forsaken, there is a part two. Let's see what's going to happen between our characters. Enjoy . . . ^o~ Chu!
"All seems to end by the stroke of a dime. When you think that life will go as plan, it slowly come and bite you in the ass. Don't you just hate it?"
Shuichi Shindou, Singer
Chapter Nine: Forsaken: pt. II
"I've got your message, what the hell do you want?"
"Like I said, we need to talk . . ."
"Eh, talk? So you can beat me into submission I see . . . look I don't have all day, let's just get this over with."
"Whatever, I'm just trying to be nice."
"Like I find that believeable. The great Eiri Yuki nice? That bitch must seriously have you wrapped around her pretty little finger."
Yuki didn't say anything as he felt his jaw lock. He promise to behave, this was part of the plan. Just looking at Shuichi, he was slightly edgy and twitching as he looked around. What was his problem, he act like he's waiting for someone. Just shaking his head, he seriously needed to find him some help. Not too long ago, he receive a phone call from Sora as she explain the situation. Listening to her, he couldn't believe that he's doing something that dangeorus, but the tabloids doesn't lie. He was concern for the brat, he'll admit that and he'll get to the bottom of the problem if it helps.
Shuichi bit at his lip impatiently, feeling the side affect from the drug. He don't remember much from it, but he remember having a dream and hearing voices. When he finally came to, he realize that he was in his bed. Wondering who put him in there, he didn't care as he got dress and went to work. Wearing a black long sleeve shirt with baggy jeans, he start doing that when he start using heroine. Of course work was hell, nothing but recording and dealing with Tohma's crap. Then, when he was finally free from hell, he saw the black Merchades he hated so much and the person who own it standing there. Not believing that Yuki was here to see him, he had an instant flashback of the message he heard. Dinner with him, he should have just walked off, but damn temptation drew him to Yuki.
So this is where the story begins, with him standing in front of some damn resturarant with his ex lover. Feeling completely edgy, he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. He just couldn't take being near Yuki anymore. Fighting with his emotions, he stood there silently as Yuki talked to the host. Seeing he planned this not to long ago, what the hell did he want. He couldn't ask for nothing, he already lost that. As the host got their meuns, Yuki followed as he slowly walked. Looking around, it wasn't like the typical fancy resturant, but many didn't seem to notice him or was it that they couldn't. The last time he check himself, he was completely pale and getting skinner by the minute. His violet eyes seem to become duller and didn't look purple, but almost brown. His black hair hung limp, dead to the world. Just like his soul, there wasn't much to look at.
Coming to a booth in the back, Yuki sat down as Shuichi followed. The host gave them their meuns and left them alone. Opening his, Yuki looked at it, but he was really staring at Shuichi, who wasn't even in this world. Just looking at his ex, he changed so much. His clothes were baggy, they cover up the scars of his drug usage he persume. He didn't have that boyish look, more rugged than anything. Everything about his presence cried out falsely. This was Shuichi Shindou and he's at least one of many who could snap him back to reality. Harsh punishment would work, he remember Sora telling him. But she wasn't talking about physical, more on the lines of mental and emotional. Turning his gaze off him, he look at the meun trying to figure out what he wanted. Shuichi knew he was looking at him, but pretend not to notice. Taking up his meun, he realize how much everything was and begun to protest, but Yuki beat him to it.
"Don't worry about it, just order whatever you want." he told him, reading his thoughts. Shuichi was easy to read at least that didn't change.
Sighing deeply, he hated when he did that, but didn't protest. Looking at the meun, he wanted to get down to business. "Exactly why did you want to have dinner with me Yuki? For four years, you could have had that chance, why now? What is it you want? What do you want to know?"
Seeing that he's not stupid either, he lowered his meun, staring him straight in the eyes. "I'm worry about you Shuichi and I know you find it hard to believe. It's just, this doesn't seem like you . . . why are you harming yourself?" he asked, low enough for them to hear and not the people around them.
Raising a brow in confusion, so this is what it's about. Chuckling harshly, Yuki's in for a rude awaken. "Why are you asking questions you know answers to. I'm doing this because all the shit you put me through. All the pain I suffer being with you." he hissed, glaring coldly at him.
"Look . . . I know what happened and I apologize for hurting you many years ago. I was an idiot, I shouldn't have took you for granted like that."
Hearing him, he let out a chastle laugh, not believing this. How the hell could he just apologize like it was nothing. He fucking abused him, it wasn't just some walk in the park. "You bastard, how could you act like it wasn't something big? You fucking abused me Yuki, it's something that I can't get over of. Do you know how much it hurt to know that the person you love is doing this shit to you?"
He knew and all he could do is apologize. He can't take it back, the scars were too deep already. "Shuichi, I know what I've done and I never atone for my sins, but I'm willing to try and make things right between us. I want us to be friends and I want you to be able to forgive me. I know you can't forget, but forgiveness is better."
[A/N: What the hell am I doing . . . Yuki's suppose to be a cold hearted bastard? Man . . . creativity sucks.]
Forgivness? He shook his head, feeling ready to hit him. "How can I forgive someone like you? Tell me, when you was doing all this stuff to me, did you enjoy it?"
"No . . . I knew what I was doing to you was wrong. I couldn't control myself Shuichi. Things happen when you abuse substance and you can't atone for that."
Shaking his head, he eyes cast to stone. He didn't want to believe him, he knew something wasn't right. "Bullshit! Of course . . . why should I believe you, you are a writer and these words could be from your book."
Growling lowly, he was becoming impatient by the moment. He couldn't take his attitude any longer, but he still remain cool. "At least I can get rid of my addiction. Let's talk about yours? How does it feel shooting heroine? Must get some type of masochistic pleasure from that huh? Is this your way of pleading for help, because death doesn't offer assistance!" he snapped, watching Shuichi's eyes widen.
How the hell did he know? Returning back to normal, he wasn't going to let him read his emotions. "Fuck off, you don't understand it. Don't try to lecture me because I know what I'm doing."
Pressing his lips together, Yuki didn't say another thing. Ending the conversation as the waiter came, he wasn't done. He had more to lash out at Shuichi. Ordering their meals, Yuki sighed deeply feeling another headache come. Why is he doing this, out of kindness? Apparently Shuichi doesn't want kindness, why should he care. He knew the brat was just provoking him, trying to test his patience. He hope he could let it last long, he felt tired. Shuichi just look at the blonde man, trying to see what's going to accomplish by having him here. Nothing he could say would make him change, he didn't understand. He's tried of everyone interferring with his life.
First it was Hiro, how keep nagging him to give up the drugs. Some best friend, he thought remember Hiro placing him in rehab. That was the worst time of his life and for six weeks he couldn't do it. Withdrawal was a bitch and he end up leaving from it. The only way he could do it was lie and he gotten better. So once he was free, he went back to the stuff and knew that each time it was slowly killing him. That's what he wanted, a slow and painful death. Propping his elbows on the table, he just stared at the baggy sleeves. Underneath told a story of nothing but saddness. His own angst which was so gory and grumsome, no one would want to read it. He could still feel the pain, the burning. This was hell, but he welcome it with warm arms.
The food arrived as they just stared at it. Without speaking to each other once again, they ate in silence. So much was going on in their minds, only God knew. Shuichi just stared unappetivingly at his food, knowing that he couldn't stomach it. Heroine wasn't the only thing that was killing him, so was food. He couldn't keep anything down long enough and that what making him alot skinner. Just poking at it with his fork, he didn't realize that Yuki was watching him.
"The more you poke at it, it might come back alive and eat you." he replied bluntly, seeing violet eyes shot him a cold gaze. Rolling his eyes, he's trying so hard but it wasn't going to phase him.
"Don't tell me not to do! I'm not your child nor your bitch! You know what, I can't even stand being in the same room as you. Just tell me what you want so I can leave."
"I want you to stop doing what you are doing and get some help. Shuichi, everyone's worried about you. They say you're doing this because of some guy name Raiden. Why are you harming yourself like this . . . what are you trying to accomplish?"
"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not doing this for anyone but myself. Maybe I want to feel pain, I tend to enjoy it alot before. And Raiden, he's history. Just another person who came and gone, took another piece of my black heart with him. Just another prick like you."
"You know what . . . I tried to reason with you, but I guess I have to bring you back to reality. Alright . . . I give you what you want, Shuichi." Yuki got up from his spot and went to Shuichi. Grabbing his arm, he snatched the singer up and walked towards the private area of the resturant.
Wondering what he's doing, Shuichi tried to tug his arm free, but Yuki was stronger. Being dragged, he watched as they enter double wooden doors and come to a room that look almost like a hotel sweet. Looking around, why the hell did they come in here. Entering the room, Yuki looked around the place seeing a couch on the other side. Heading over there quickly, he yank Shuichi foward and push him down on the couch. He didn't want to do this, but if it was a way to snap him back, he'll do it. Landing on the couch hardly, he wince seeing how painful it was as he glared at Yuki. Seeing the novelist walk back to the door, he watched him close it and lock it, feeling his heart jump. Why did he lock the door, what is he planning.
Turning to Shuichi, he look at him with a twisted grin as he went for the first button of his jacket. "I didn't want to do this, but I have strike orders to do what I must. This is what you want, you want to feel pain once again. I'll give you pain . . . I'll give you what you want."
Feeling his eyes widen, he wouldn't do it. As Yuki approach him slowly, he felt his body tremble. Memories flash through his head of times like this as a tiny whimper escape. "No . . . stay away from me or I'll scream!" he hissed, seeing his brow raise.
The room was soundproof, no one would be able to hear anything. "Go ahead, scream if you want but no one would hear you."
Jumping up quickly from the couch, he moved back trying to get away. There was nothing in here to fight him off with, he had this planned all along. "Stay away from my Yuki! I will fight you, I'm not afraid anymore!"
"Let's test that theory then."
His back touched the wall behind him, feeling cornered. Looking around for another way, it was too late because Yuki grabbed him by his arms, yanking off the wall and back to the couch. Struggling against him, he wasn't going to lose, he would fight. Pushing him down face first, Yuki pulled his arms behind him as he place his knee on his back. Looking down, Shuichi wanted to play hard, he wasn't going to go easy.
"You place this on yourself! You knew you had the chance to fight me off, you could have reported me to the police for rape, but you didn't. I'm not the one to blame, it's you because you could have stopped it but you didn't!"
Struggling, he felt his arms being tugged more, causing him to scream in pain. Tears mist within his eyes as he fought them back. "Why are you doing this? Why?"
"Because . . . you don't know the true meaning of pain once you experience it from behind false figures, Shuichi."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Raidne . . .I'm bored! Let's do something fun!"
"Go away and stop bothering me."
"Look you, you've been sulking for two days now and you need to do something. Don't make me come in there."
"Leave me alone Faye, I don't want to be bother with anyone right now."
"That's it . . . I'm coming in!"
Faye bust down the door as she was greeted by darkness. Looking around in the room, she saw nothing but bottles of beer lined up along the floor next to the bed. And in the bed laid Raiden, who didn't even acknowledge her. Sensing something wasn't right, she slowly approach him with angry eyes. She hate it when he's like this, it makes her upset. Standing next to him, she decided to annoy him more.
"What are you doing just lying here Raiden, c'mon take me sight seeing." Faye complained as she start whining like a little girl, sitting on the bed next to Raiden's motionless body.
Ignoring her, he stared up at the cream color ceiling, lost in his thoughts. It's been two days since he return home and he was too afraid to do anything. He didn't know what to do, he wasn't even suppose to be here. Feeling the weight on the bed shift, it moved on top of his body as he moved his eyes down. Seeing Faye straddle on his waist, he saw her gray eyes stare at him once again with concern. Not saying anything, he was tired of everyone worrying about him. He didn't have time to sit and talk, he had a concert to perform and needed as much sanity as he could have.
Staring at him, she notice how he didn't even say anything when she sat on him. Did he truly care or was he just too preoccupied with his thoughts. She wanted to know and he hasn't talk to her since they arrived. Her mind slowly slipped away from her thoughts as her fingers moved to the end of his shirt. Playing with it, she wanted to know how it feels, touching his flesh. She always dreamt of having him, but she knew that would happen. Pulling his shirt up a little, she looked at his flesh, noticing how enchanting it seems. Brushing her fingers against it. Feeling a chill run up her spine, she wanted to explore more.
Raiden just watch her in silence, as she start meddling with his shirt and touching his stomache. He knew how she felt for him and what she wanted the most. The way he was feeling, he don't care what happens anymore he lost all hope long ago. Sitting up, he notice that he snapped her out of her fantasy as he look into her eyes. Faye met his gaze, saw something that she never saw before within his eyes . . . lust. He prove it as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his lips hungrily against hers. Shocked, she didn't know what to do but it seem her mind took over as she close her eyes and placed her arms around his neck. He felt compel to do this, it's like he needed something to release his frustration and stress.
Gripping the end of her top, he pulled it over her head as she moaned. Throwing it on the floor, she gasped feeling his fingers against her back. Switching positions, he put her underneath him as she laid back. Breaking the kiss, he attacked her neck viciously, biting against her delicate skin. Gasping shortly, she knew this was what she wanted and more. Feeling his teeth bite down as his tongue over lapped, her back arched as she felt aroused. She wanted more, so much more.
"Raiden . . . please don't tease me." she gasped between breaths as he return to her lips, jamming his tougue into her mouth and shutting her up.
Obeying her request, he knew what he was doing, wasn't right. What is right anymore, he wondered.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Loud, painful sobs echoed in the room as Yuki sat in the chair, buttoning up his sleeves. He just stared at the heap on the floor, curled into a ball he listen to the sobs. He knew it probably broke him more, but at least Shuichi had some type of revelation that hit him. Sighing deeply, he was becoming slightly annoyed by the crying as he snapped at the singer.
"Really, you can shut the hell up now. I didn't do anything to you, why are you crying?"
Shuichi lift his head up as he glared at Yuki. He was so pissed at him, he wanted to hurt him but was afraid to do it. "Go to hell you bastard! I wish you die!"
Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes, taking one and sticking it in his mouth. Lighting it, he just shook his head sadly at him. Regardless what he does, he will always return back to the same Shuichi. "Don't they all . . . look this was for your own good. I didn't want to do it, but if it was to snap you back into reality the so be it."
Trembling with anger, Shuichi slowly stood up. "Do you think doing this was going to help? Why do you enjoy seeing me in pain so damn much? Can't anyone just leave me alone?"
Taking a drag, Yuki gave him a look that answered his question, no. "Look Shuichi, you brought this upon yourself. You can't let go of the past, you continue to let it control your life every waking moment. You expect someone to come and hold you and tell you everything's alright. Sorry, that's bullshit."
"So what the hell do you want from me? What is it?" he shouted angrily as more tears flowed down his cheek.
"I want to know why you stop living? Why are you suddenly doing this stuff that you know you would never do? I want to know . . . and you're going to tell me."
"It's none of your god damn business! My personal life has nothing to do with you, Yuki! Stop trying to act like you care off a sudden because you never cared."
"I do now and you are not seeing the picture. I can't atone for my sins Shuichi, without your forgivness. I know what happened, between you and Raiden. I know you told him that you love him and he ran away. I understand why you are hurting because you can't seem to forget him. You want to know if he loves you in return, but you can't. Shuichi you want so much that it hurts. It hurts . . ."
Lowering his head, he start sobbing. He didn't want this to happen, he tried to be strong but his heart and mind did this to him. He wanted nothing but death once Raiden left him. He cried for along time until his tears refuse to pour anymore. He just wanted to know how it feel to have love again and he knew that chance was gone. Yuki watch him, seeing that he broke through to him. Standing up, he slowly approach him, knowing what he needed right now. Reaching out for him, he pulled Shuichi into a tight embrace as he felt his body shake violently, breaking down. Closing his eyes, he tried to be strong for so long but he can't. Muffling his sobs in Yuki's chest, he just want to die.
"Why can't this pain ever go away? Why can't I just forget about him and move on?"
Sighing, he knew the answer, but Shuichi has to be the one to tell him. "What do you think is holding you back? There's another force that's keeping you from finding what you need the most. You just have to figure it out and it will all come clear."
"When you are able to stare the person in the eyes and say . . . goodbye, my love."
Hearing the answer echoed in his head, he didn't want to do it but if it meant letting go, he had to. Moving back in his embrace, Shuichi look up at Yuki, staring into his eyes. Feeling the words come to him, he felt the tears come down harder as he spoke. "Goodbye . . . Yuki."
Smiling, he nodded. The connection between was gone, but a new bond formed slowly. "Goodbye . . ."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Night fell over Tokyo as Raiden laid there, staring out of the window. Soft breathing was heard next to him as he turn his attention to the sleeping person. Faye laid bundle underneath the blanket as he felt a shame. He knew he shouldn't have done that, but lust over powered him. Sighing deeply, he didn't mean to do this, but he couldn't lead her on. She didn't understand, the troubles he was going through. So much confusion going through his mind. Closing his eyes, why can't this all just go away and never return. His feelings and loneliness, he just want everything to be normal again. Snapping out of his thoughts, he heard Faye mumble something in his sleep that just broke his heart.
"I love you . . . Raiden."
Reaching out for her, he answered her softly to her sleeping form. "But I can never love you. I'm sorry . . . this shouldn't have happened."
TBC
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Author's Note: BAM! That's it of chapter nine. I know, it seems lame but it short and quick. Wow . . . Shuichi was able to say goodbye, but does that mean he can move on? I doubt it . . . but I'm not saying anything. Don't worry, there's more to go. Next chapter . . . the day of the concert. What's going to happen? We shall see. Read and Review!
Upcoming Chapter: My life . . . my heart. . . my love
You cry to me in a song . . .
You don't want to do this, but you must . . .
It's time to say goodbye . . .
See ya soon!
^.~ Chu!
Author's Note: Man . . . the second longest chapter I ever written. Anywho . . . who can believe it . . . Shuichi doing drugs? Why couldn't he just say no? It's not hard, it's not like someone was forcing him. nothing major. Well some of my reader wanted to know where I got the name Dylan for a girl, simple I have a friend who's name is Dylan and he asked me if I ever wrote a story, use his name, but make the character a girl. So there. . . hello Dylan, which doesn't seem bad to name a girl anyway. Well, of course like the title said, it's part one of Forsaken, there is a part two. Let's see what's going to happen between our characters. Enjoy . . . ^o~ Chu!
"All seems to end by the stroke of a dime. When you think that life will go as plan, it slowly come and bite you in the ass. Don't you just hate it?"
Shuichi Shindou, Singer
Chapter Nine: Forsaken: pt. II
"I've got your message, what the hell do you want?"
"Like I said, we need to talk . . ."
"Eh, talk? So you can beat me into submission I see . . . look I don't have all day, let's just get this over with."
"Whatever, I'm just trying to be nice."
"Like I find that believeable. The great Eiri Yuki nice? That bitch must seriously have you wrapped around her pretty little finger."
Yuki didn't say anything as he felt his jaw lock. He promise to behave, this was part of the plan. Just looking at Shuichi, he was slightly edgy and twitching as he looked around. What was his problem, he act like he's waiting for someone. Just shaking his head, he seriously needed to find him some help. Not too long ago, he receive a phone call from Sora as she explain the situation. Listening to her, he couldn't believe that he's doing something that dangeorus, but the tabloids doesn't lie. He was concern for the brat, he'll admit that and he'll get to the bottom of the problem if it helps.
Shuichi bit at his lip impatiently, feeling the side affect from the drug. He don't remember much from it, but he remember having a dream and hearing voices. When he finally came to, he realize that he was in his bed. Wondering who put him in there, he didn't care as he got dress and went to work. Wearing a black long sleeve shirt with baggy jeans, he start doing that when he start using heroine. Of course work was hell, nothing but recording and dealing with Tohma's crap. Then, when he was finally free from hell, he saw the black Merchades he hated so much and the person who own it standing there. Not believing that Yuki was here to see him, he had an instant flashback of the message he heard. Dinner with him, he should have just walked off, but damn temptation drew him to Yuki.
So this is where the story begins, with him standing in front of some damn resturarant with his ex lover. Feeling completely edgy, he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. He just couldn't take being near Yuki anymore. Fighting with his emotions, he stood there silently as Yuki talked to the host. Seeing he planned this not to long ago, what the hell did he want. He couldn't ask for nothing, he already lost that. As the host got their meuns, Yuki followed as he slowly walked. Looking around, it wasn't like the typical fancy resturant, but many didn't seem to notice him or was it that they couldn't. The last time he check himself, he was completely pale and getting skinner by the minute. His violet eyes seem to become duller and didn't look purple, but almost brown. His black hair hung limp, dead to the world. Just like his soul, there wasn't much to look at.
Coming to a booth in the back, Yuki sat down as Shuichi followed. The host gave them their meuns and left them alone. Opening his, Yuki looked at it, but he was really staring at Shuichi, who wasn't even in this world. Just looking at his ex, he changed so much. His clothes were baggy, they cover up the scars of his drug usage he persume. He didn't have that boyish look, more rugged than anything. Everything about his presence cried out falsely. This was Shuichi Shindou and he's at least one of many who could snap him back to reality. Harsh punishment would work, he remember Sora telling him. But she wasn't talking about physical, more on the lines of mental and emotional. Turning his gaze off him, he look at the meun trying to figure out what he wanted. Shuichi knew he was looking at him, but pretend not to notice. Taking up his meun, he realize how much everything was and begun to protest, but Yuki beat him to it.
"Don't worry about it, just order whatever you want." he told him, reading his thoughts. Shuichi was easy to read at least that didn't change.
Sighing deeply, he hated when he did that, but didn't protest. Looking at the meun, he wanted to get down to business. "Exactly why did you want to have dinner with me Yuki? For four years, you could have had that chance, why now? What is it you want? What do you want to know?"
Seeing that he's not stupid either, he lowered his meun, staring him straight in the eyes. "I'm worry about you Shuichi and I know you find it hard to believe. It's just, this doesn't seem like you . . . why are you harming yourself?" he asked, low enough for them to hear and not the people around them.
Raising a brow in confusion, so this is what it's about. Chuckling harshly, Yuki's in for a rude awaken. "Why are you asking questions you know answers to. I'm doing this because all the shit you put me through. All the pain I suffer being with you." he hissed, glaring coldly at him.
"Look . . . I know what happened and I apologize for hurting you many years ago. I was an idiot, I shouldn't have took you for granted like that."
Hearing him, he let out a chastle laugh, not believing this. How the hell could he just apologize like it was nothing. He fucking abused him, it wasn't just some walk in the park. "You bastard, how could you act like it wasn't something big? You fucking abused me Yuki, it's something that I can't get over of. Do you know how much it hurt to know that the person you love is doing this shit to you?"
He knew and all he could do is apologize. He can't take it back, the scars were too deep already. "Shuichi, I know what I've done and I never atone for my sins, but I'm willing to try and make things right between us. I want us to be friends and I want you to be able to forgive me. I know you can't forget, but forgiveness is better."
[A/N: What the hell am I doing . . . Yuki's suppose to be a cold hearted bastard? Man . . . creativity sucks.]
Forgivness? He shook his head, feeling ready to hit him. "How can I forgive someone like you? Tell me, when you was doing all this stuff to me, did you enjoy it?"
"No . . . I knew what I was doing to you was wrong. I couldn't control myself Shuichi. Things happen when you abuse substance and you can't atone for that."
Shaking his head, he eyes cast to stone. He didn't want to believe him, he knew something wasn't right. "Bullshit! Of course . . . why should I believe you, you are a writer and these words could be from your book."
Growling lowly, he was becoming impatient by the moment. He couldn't take his attitude any longer, but he still remain cool. "At least I can get rid of my addiction. Let's talk about yours? How does it feel shooting heroine? Must get some type of masochistic pleasure from that huh? Is this your way of pleading for help, because death doesn't offer assistance!" he snapped, watching Shuichi's eyes widen.
How the hell did he know? Returning back to normal, he wasn't going to let him read his emotions. "Fuck off, you don't understand it. Don't try to lecture me because I know what I'm doing."
Pressing his lips together, Yuki didn't say another thing. Ending the conversation as the waiter came, he wasn't done. He had more to lash out at Shuichi. Ordering their meals, Yuki sighed deeply feeling another headache come. Why is he doing this, out of kindness? Apparently Shuichi doesn't want kindness, why should he care. He knew the brat was just provoking him, trying to test his patience. He hope he could let it last long, he felt tired. Shuichi just look at the blonde man, trying to see what's going to accomplish by having him here. Nothing he could say would make him change, he didn't understand. He's tried of everyone interferring with his life.
First it was Hiro, how keep nagging him to give up the drugs. Some best friend, he thought remember Hiro placing him in rehab. That was the worst time of his life and for six weeks he couldn't do it. Withdrawal was a bitch and he end up leaving from it. The only way he could do it was lie and he gotten better. So once he was free, he went back to the stuff and knew that each time it was slowly killing him. That's what he wanted, a slow and painful death. Propping his elbows on the table, he just stared at the baggy sleeves. Underneath told a story of nothing but saddness. His own angst which was so gory and grumsome, no one would want to read it. He could still feel the pain, the burning. This was hell, but he welcome it with warm arms.
The food arrived as they just stared at it. Without speaking to each other once again, they ate in silence. So much was going on in their minds, only God knew. Shuichi just stared unappetivingly at his food, knowing that he couldn't stomach it. Heroine wasn't the only thing that was killing him, so was food. He couldn't keep anything down long enough and that what making him alot skinner. Just poking at it with his fork, he didn't realize that Yuki was watching him.
"The more you poke at it, it might come back alive and eat you." he replied bluntly, seeing violet eyes shot him a cold gaze. Rolling his eyes, he's trying so hard but it wasn't going to phase him.
"Don't tell me not to do! I'm not your child nor your bitch! You know what, I can't even stand being in the same room as you. Just tell me what you want so I can leave."
"I want you to stop doing what you are doing and get some help. Shuichi, everyone's worried about you. They say you're doing this because of some guy name Raiden. Why are you harming yourself like this . . . what are you trying to accomplish?"
"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not doing this for anyone but myself. Maybe I want to feel pain, I tend to enjoy it alot before. And Raiden, he's history. Just another person who came and gone, took another piece of my black heart with him. Just another prick like you."
"You know what . . . I tried to reason with you, but I guess I have to bring you back to reality. Alright . . . I give you what you want, Shuichi." Yuki got up from his spot and went to Shuichi. Grabbing his arm, he snatched the singer up and walked towards the private area of the resturant.
Wondering what he's doing, Shuichi tried to tug his arm free, but Yuki was stronger. Being dragged, he watched as they enter double wooden doors and come to a room that look almost like a hotel sweet. Looking around, why the hell did they come in here. Entering the room, Yuki looked around the place seeing a couch on the other side. Heading over there quickly, he yank Shuichi foward and push him down on the couch. He didn't want to do this, but if it was a way to snap him back, he'll do it. Landing on the couch hardly, he wince seeing how painful it was as he glared at Yuki. Seeing the novelist walk back to the door, he watched him close it and lock it, feeling his heart jump. Why did he lock the door, what is he planning.
Turning to Shuichi, he look at him with a twisted grin as he went for the first button of his jacket. "I didn't want to do this, but I have strike orders to do what I must. This is what you want, you want to feel pain once again. I'll give you pain . . . I'll give you what you want."
Feeling his eyes widen, he wouldn't do it. As Yuki approach him slowly, he felt his body tremble. Memories flash through his head of times like this as a tiny whimper escape. "No . . . stay away from me or I'll scream!" he hissed, seeing his brow raise.
The room was soundproof, no one would be able to hear anything. "Go ahead, scream if you want but no one would hear you."
Jumping up quickly from the couch, he moved back trying to get away. There was nothing in here to fight him off with, he had this planned all along. "Stay away from my Yuki! I will fight you, I'm not afraid anymore!"
"Let's test that theory then."
His back touched the wall behind him, feeling cornered. Looking around for another way, it was too late because Yuki grabbed him by his arms, yanking off the wall and back to the couch. Struggling against him, he wasn't going to lose, he would fight. Pushing him down face first, Yuki pulled his arms behind him as he place his knee on his back. Looking down, Shuichi wanted to play hard, he wasn't going to go easy.
"You place this on yourself! You knew you had the chance to fight me off, you could have reported me to the police for rape, but you didn't. I'm not the one to blame, it's you because you could have stopped it but you didn't!"
Struggling, he felt his arms being tugged more, causing him to scream in pain. Tears mist within his eyes as he fought them back. "Why are you doing this? Why?"
"Because . . . you don't know the true meaning of pain once you experience it from behind false figures, Shuichi."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Raidne . . .I'm bored! Let's do something fun!"
"Go away and stop bothering me."
"Look you, you've been sulking for two days now and you need to do something. Don't make me come in there."
"Leave me alone Faye, I don't want to be bother with anyone right now."
"That's it . . . I'm coming in!"
Faye bust down the door as she was greeted by darkness. Looking around in the room, she saw nothing but bottles of beer lined up along the floor next to the bed. And in the bed laid Raiden, who didn't even acknowledge her. Sensing something wasn't right, she slowly approach him with angry eyes. She hate it when he's like this, it makes her upset. Standing next to him, she decided to annoy him more.
"What are you doing just lying here Raiden, c'mon take me sight seeing." Faye complained as she start whining like a little girl, sitting on the bed next to Raiden's motionless body.
Ignoring her, he stared up at the cream color ceiling, lost in his thoughts. It's been two days since he return home and he was too afraid to do anything. He didn't know what to do, he wasn't even suppose to be here. Feeling the weight on the bed shift, it moved on top of his body as he moved his eyes down. Seeing Faye straddle on his waist, he saw her gray eyes stare at him once again with concern. Not saying anything, he was tired of everyone worrying about him. He didn't have time to sit and talk, he had a concert to perform and needed as much sanity as he could have.
Staring at him, she notice how he didn't even say anything when she sat on him. Did he truly care or was he just too preoccupied with his thoughts. She wanted to know and he hasn't talk to her since they arrived. Her mind slowly slipped away from her thoughts as her fingers moved to the end of his shirt. Playing with it, she wanted to know how it feels, touching his flesh. She always dreamt of having him, but she knew that would happen. Pulling his shirt up a little, she looked at his flesh, noticing how enchanting it seems. Brushing her fingers against it. Feeling a chill run up her spine, she wanted to explore more.
Raiden just watch her in silence, as she start meddling with his shirt and touching his stomache. He knew how she felt for him and what she wanted the most. The way he was feeling, he don't care what happens anymore he lost all hope long ago. Sitting up, he notice that he snapped her out of her fantasy as he look into her eyes. Faye met his gaze, saw something that she never saw before within his eyes . . . lust. He prove it as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his lips hungrily against hers. Shocked, she didn't know what to do but it seem her mind took over as she close her eyes and placed her arms around his neck. He felt compel to do this, it's like he needed something to release his frustration and stress.
Gripping the end of her top, he pulled it over her head as she moaned. Throwing it on the floor, she gasped feeling his fingers against her back. Switching positions, he put her underneath him as she laid back. Breaking the kiss, he attacked her neck viciously, biting against her delicate skin. Gasping shortly, she knew this was what she wanted and more. Feeling his teeth bite down as his tongue over lapped, her back arched as she felt aroused. She wanted more, so much more.
"Raiden . . . please don't tease me." she gasped between breaths as he return to her lips, jamming his tougue into her mouth and shutting her up.
Obeying her request, he knew what he was doing, wasn't right. What is right anymore, he wondered.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Loud, painful sobs echoed in the room as Yuki sat in the chair, buttoning up his sleeves. He just stared at the heap on the floor, curled into a ball he listen to the sobs. He knew it probably broke him more, but at least Shuichi had some type of revelation that hit him. Sighing deeply, he was becoming slightly annoyed by the crying as he snapped at the singer.
"Really, you can shut the hell up now. I didn't do anything to you, why are you crying?"
Shuichi lift his head up as he glared at Yuki. He was so pissed at him, he wanted to hurt him but was afraid to do it. "Go to hell you bastard! I wish you die!"
Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes, taking one and sticking it in his mouth. Lighting it, he just shook his head sadly at him. Regardless what he does, he will always return back to the same Shuichi. "Don't they all . . . look this was for your own good. I didn't want to do it, but if it was to snap you back into reality the so be it."
Trembling with anger, Shuichi slowly stood up. "Do you think doing this was going to help? Why do you enjoy seeing me in pain so damn much? Can't anyone just leave me alone?"
Taking a drag, Yuki gave him a look that answered his question, no. "Look Shuichi, you brought this upon yourself. You can't let go of the past, you continue to let it control your life every waking moment. You expect someone to come and hold you and tell you everything's alright. Sorry, that's bullshit."
"So what the hell do you want from me? What is it?" he shouted angrily as more tears flowed down his cheek.
"I want to know why you stop living? Why are you suddenly doing this stuff that you know you would never do? I want to know . . . and you're going to tell me."
"It's none of your god damn business! My personal life has nothing to do with you, Yuki! Stop trying to act like you care off a sudden because you never cared."
"I do now and you are not seeing the picture. I can't atone for my sins Shuichi, without your forgivness. I know what happened, between you and Raiden. I know you told him that you love him and he ran away. I understand why you are hurting because you can't seem to forget him. You want to know if he loves you in return, but you can't. Shuichi you want so much that it hurts. It hurts . . ."
Lowering his head, he start sobbing. He didn't want this to happen, he tried to be strong but his heart and mind did this to him. He wanted nothing but death once Raiden left him. He cried for along time until his tears refuse to pour anymore. He just wanted to know how it feel to have love again and he knew that chance was gone. Yuki watch him, seeing that he broke through to him. Standing up, he slowly approach him, knowing what he needed right now. Reaching out for him, he pulled Shuichi into a tight embrace as he felt his body shake violently, breaking down. Closing his eyes, he tried to be strong for so long but he can't. Muffling his sobs in Yuki's chest, he just want to die.
"Why can't this pain ever go away? Why can't I just forget about him and move on?"
Sighing, he knew the answer, but Shuichi has to be the one to tell him. "What do you think is holding you back? There's another force that's keeping you from finding what you need the most. You just have to figure it out and it will all come clear."
"When you are able to stare the person in the eyes and say . . . goodbye, my love."
Hearing the answer echoed in his head, he didn't want to do it but if it meant letting go, he had to. Moving back in his embrace, Shuichi look up at Yuki, staring into his eyes. Feeling the words come to him, he felt the tears come down harder as he spoke. "Goodbye . . . Yuki."
Smiling, he nodded. The connection between was gone, but a new bond formed slowly. "Goodbye . . ."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Night fell over Tokyo as Raiden laid there, staring out of the window. Soft breathing was heard next to him as he turn his attention to the sleeping person. Faye laid bundle underneath the blanket as he felt a shame. He knew he shouldn't have done that, but lust over powered him. Sighing deeply, he didn't mean to do this, but he couldn't lead her on. She didn't understand, the troubles he was going through. So much confusion going through his mind. Closing his eyes, why can't this all just go away and never return. His feelings and loneliness, he just want everything to be normal again. Snapping out of his thoughts, he heard Faye mumble something in his sleep that just broke his heart.
"I love you . . . Raiden."
Reaching out for her, he answered her softly to her sleeping form. "But I can never love you. I'm sorry . . . this shouldn't have happened."
TBC
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Author's Note: BAM! That's it of chapter nine. I know, it seems lame but it short and quick. Wow . . . Shuichi was able to say goodbye, but does that mean he can move on? I doubt it . . . but I'm not saying anything. Don't worry, there's more to go. Next chapter . . . the day of the concert. What's going to happen? We shall see. Read and Review!
Upcoming Chapter: My life . . . my heart. . . my love
You cry to me in a song . . .
You don't want to do this, but you must . . .
It's time to say goodbye . . .
See ya soon!