Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Ghosts and Inner Demons ❯ Part 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Ghosts and Inner Demons

Part 1

"Tell me, Uesugi-san, how is that new medication I prescribed working for you?" Dr. Mayoko asked, after she finished up her notes.

"Well…" Eiri was lying on her couch with his hands interlaced on his stomach, slowly tapping his thumbs together. He was taking these therapy sessions for nearly eight years now; ever since he had returned to Japan. In his opinion it was a waste of time, but it was the only way he could keep his father off his back.

The doctor looked at him firmly, but her voice was as soft as always when she told him. "The medications won't do you any good if you are not taking them."

"I do take them," he assured her, "most of the time. But they make me drowsy, and I can't write if I can't concentrate. I'm working on a schedule, and I have a deadline to keep."

She rose from the chair behind her desk and walked over to the couch. "Uesugi-san, perhaps you need to ask yourself what's more important, your health or your next book. You are not doing yourself any favors by pushing yourself too far."

He stared at the ceiling above him, but didn't answer.

Dr. Mayoko sighed. "Very well, I'll prescribe you a smaller dose of the sedative for now. Please, do yourself a favor and take it. And I'll see you again in two weeks."

***

"That's enough for today," K announced. "Go home, get some rest. Tomorrow will be a busy day. The stage at the Koseinenkin will be ours for rehearsal from eight to ten. I want everybody to be there on time, is that clear? That goes double for you, Shindou."

"Hey," Shuichi glared at the tall, blond manager. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I want you to be at the rehearsal on time," K replied.

"Oh," Shuichi's expression turned from glowering to cheerful in an instant. "Well, why didn't you just say that?" Bad Luck's singer walked over to his chair and grabbed his backpack. "I'll see you guys tomorrow then." He smiled brilliantly as he waved at the rest of the band - manager and producer included - and walked out of the room.

"Shu! … Wait up, Shuichi." Hiro's voice stopped him about half way down the hall. He turned and waited for his fried to catch up with him.

"Do you want me to give you a ride home?" Hiroshi asked.

"Sure," Shuichi nodded. "Thanks."

The two young men left the NG building together and walked side by side to the parking lot where Hiro's motorcycle stood.

"What do you think about the concert tomorrow?"

"It will be great," Shuichi beamed. "Even better than our last one. I just know it. Our 100th live concerts, can you believe it, Hiro? I still remember the first one."

"Yeah, so do I," Hiro laughed. "You suddenly forgot how to sing. It was a good thing Ryuichi was there to help you out before Sakano-san had a heart attack."

"Hey," his friend glared at him. "That can happen to anybody, okay. Besides, it was only because I didn't expect Yuki to be there and watch me."

"Talking of Yuki, will he come to see the concert tomorrow?"

Shuichi simply shrugged. "Probably not. He is working hard to get the script for his new book finished. He doesn't have time for anything else right now."

"Are you alright with that, Shu?" Hiro looked at his friend skeptically.

"Of course I am." Shuichi's smile was back in an instant. "After all, I'm a professional too; I know what it means to have a deadline to keep."

Hiro didn't seem convinced by his friend's cheerful façade, but he didn't say anything. Neither of them spoke until they reached his bike.

"Do you want to go grab something to eat before I take you home?" the longhaired guitarist asked, as he searched his pockets for the keys.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry right now." Shuichi shook his head. "Just drop me off at my place."

His friend shook his head. "So, he threw you out again? Why this time?"

"It's not like that," Shuichi objected. "He didn't throw me out. I moved out on my own to give him some space till his book is finished. Besides, I needed some peace and quiet as well. I still have to write the lyrics for three more songs for our new album. I work better when I'm not distracted by anybody."

"Yeah, right," Hiro snorted. And any moment now it's going to start raining fried chicken.

::: Begin Flashback :::

"Let's go out for dinner, Yuki."

"No!" the blond didn't even look up, but continued typing away on his laptop.

"Why not? I'm hungry," Shuichi whined.

"There is food in the kitchen."

"I know…but."

"But what?" Eiri gave the younger man an annoyed look.

"We never go anywhere or do anything together. If you are ashamed to be seen with me in public, why did you announce to the press that we are lovers?"

"Sometimes I'm asking myself the exact same question."

"You can be so mean." Shuichi settled down on the edge of Yuki's desk and draped one leg over the other in a manner that gave the writer a good look at his bare thighs. He was wearing a pair of cut off jeans that was so short that it would probably be outlawed in some countries.

Eiri let his gaze wander over the young man's long, slender legs, and up his body. He used to be just cute. When did he become so damn sexy, and where was I when that happened? The blond forced his look back to his keyboard. "Go away, I have to work."

"You always say that," his young lover sulked.

"This is my job," Eiri reminded him. "You don't hear me complain when you leave in the morning to go to the studio, do you?"

"What are you saying? You'd rather want me to stay her with you all day long?" Shuichi leaned forward and looked at the blond with hopeful puppy-eyes.

"No!" Yuki snapped. "That's most definitely not what I'm saying."

"Alright, alright," the younger man huffed. "No reason to yell at me." He rose from the desk, an adorable little pout on his lips. "Maybe I'll just go out by myself. I'm sure it shouldn't be too hard to find somebody who is more fun to be around than you."

"Great idea," Eiri agreed without looking up. "Why don't you just do that?"

Shuichi's eyes widened, then glazed over with tears. "You really don't care, do you?"

"Not particularly," Yuki admitted. "Not when I have my publishers breathing down my neck." He reached for a pack of Alpha-menthol that was lying next to him on the desk and pulled out one of the cigarettes.

"You really should cut down on those," Shu told him. "Don't you know that cigarettes are bad for your health?"

That was it. Eiri finally had enough. He gave Shuichi a glare that was icy enough to freeze an active volcano. "The only thing that's bad for my health is you," he growled. "You talk too much, you are annoying and you are getting on my nerves. Get out and let me work… now!"

For a moment it looked like Shuichi was going to reply something, but then he just dropped his head, turned and walked out of the room.

When he door closed behind him Yuki closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

For the next ten to fifteen minutes it was quite; almost too quiet for Eiri's taste. He was listening, but he couldn't even hear the TV or the radio playing in the living room. I wonder what the little brad is up to now.

A few moments later there was a knock at the door. "Yuki"

"What now?"

"I'm leaving," Shuichi's voice came from the other side. "I think it might be better if I'm going back to my place for a while. Call me if you need me."

Eiri didn't answer.

"Yuki?! Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes, I did. Make sure to lock the door on the way out."

::: End Flashback :::

"Why do you let him do that to you?" Hiro asked as he slipped on his helmet.

"Do what?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. He treats you like some kind of battery operated toy that he can turn on and off however it pleases him," he looked at his friend, concern in his eyes. "You deserve better that that, Shu."

Shuichi turned his head away. "Please, Hiro, you don't know half of what's really going on."

"Maybe not," Hiro admitted. "But I'm your friend. And I'm worried about you. I don't want you to get hurt again. Not by him and not because of him."

"Don't worry," Shuichi assured him with a smile. "That won't happen again. Back then I was foolish and I really didn't know anything about him. But now, it's different."

***

When Hiroshi had dropped him off in front of the small bungalow he lived in, his friend had tried to convince him once more to go out with him for dinner and a few drinks, but Shuichi had refused.

He watched Hiroshi's motorcycle disappear in the distance before he walked up the driveway to the house. It was a small flat, nothing compared to the place Yuki owned, but it was all he really needed. He didn't stay here very often anyway.

He had bought this house shortly after the Tokyo Music Fest, when he wasn't quite ready to move back in with Yuki, but wanted to be close enough to his lover to see him every day. It had also been at about the same time that Yuki had allowed Shu to accompany him for a visit to his therapist. If that was another attempt by his lover to scare him off - like the time when Eiri had suddenly and bluntly told him that he was a murderer - it didn't work. In fact, after talking to Dr. Mayoko Shuichi was more convinced than ever that he could help Yuki to put the demons of his past to rest, if he only tried hard enough.

Shuichi unlocked the door, stepped into the house and threw his keys onto the counter in the kitchen. He grabbed a can of soda from the fridge before he walked into the living room to check his answer machine. When he didn't find any new messages on the tape Shuichi picked up the phone and dialed Yuki's number.

***

Eiri looked up from the keyboard, but otherwise ignored the ringing phone. After the fourth ring the answer machine picked up. Moments later Shuichi's voice filled the room.

"Yuki, are you there? Pick up the phone if you are listening. I want to talk to you. I just want to hear your voice….pweassssssse." There was a moment of silence, then a sigh. "Well, I guess you aren't home after all. Give me a call when you get this message. - Wait; there is one more thing I wanted to tell you… I love you, Yuki!"

Baka! Eiri shook his head and huffed as he turned his attention back to his work.

About an hour later the blond novelist turned off his computer. He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. His shoulders felt stiff from sitting too long in an uncomfortable, hunched over position. He raised his hand to rub the back of his neck. If Shu was here he would have me lie down on the couch and give me a long massage right now. He is damn good at it too. He … Eiri shook his head to dismiss the thought without finishing it, as he rose and walked into the kitchen.

In the refrigerator he found several microwavable meals and a message in a familiar handwriting.

Yuki,

Don't forget to eat while I'm gone.

The note was signed with an "S" and a big smiley face.

Eiri snorted as he crumpled the paper and tossed it in the general direction of the garbage can without turning his head. He pushed aside the food and reached for one of the beer cans hidden behind it. With the beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other, Yuki settled down on the couch in the living room and made himself comfortable.

***

"You are quite a pretty little boy, aren't you? I'm sure we will have a lot of fun together."

He stared at the two men with wide eyes, frozen with fear. They were close enough now that he could feel their breaths on his face.

"Yuki, please! Don't let them do this to me. I don't want them to touch me…" he pleaded, as he looked up at his teacher with tears in his eyes. But Yuki didn't even turn around.

"Shush, stop whining" one of the other men snarled at him. "What are you so scared about? We are just going to have some fun, that's all."

He tried to turn his head away as the man leaned closer. He could smell alcohol and sweat. A large hand seized his chin roughly; a second hand pushed him against the wall, immobilizing him. He closed his eyes in a mixture of shame, fear and disgust as a pair of lips pressed against his with bruising force.

He could feel somebody's hand, brushing over the inside of his thighs, moving higher until it reached his crotch.

He started to sob. Why, Yuki? Why do you let them do this to me? What did I do?

Eiri woke with a start. He was drenched in sweat, and panting. A Nightmare, he thought. That's what you get for falling asleep on the couch.
He covered his eyes with his right forearm and lay there, trying to bring his breathing and his raging heartbeat under control. Oh god, I haven't had a nightmare that bad for a long time.

There was no use to try to go back to sleep now. He knew from experience that the nightmare would continue the moment he drifted off, and he couldn't deal with that now. Eiri glanced at the phone as he swung his legs over the side of the couch and sat up. Shuichi's voice echoed in his head.

~ I'm leaving. I think it might be better if I'm going back to my place for a while. Call me if you need me! … Call me if you need me…if you need me… ~

The blond writer shook his head resolutely, as he rose. I don't need him! I don't need him to sit here and worry. I can do that by myself. He poured himself a drink, settled down by the window and stared into the starlit night sky. Why, Yuki? Why can't you just go away and leave me alone? It's been eight years. Haven't you punished me enough for what I did? ___________________________________________________________________________ _______________

T.B.C.

Author's Note:

Feedback is greatly appreciated, constructive criticism is welcome :-)